Behind His Eyes

Chapter 11 The beginning of the end... coffee? - January 2012 (Consequences - Chapter 46)

If a relationship is to evolve, it must go through a series of endings.

—Lisa Moriyama

Tony paced the length of his office. Although his decision was set, he couldn’t shake the conflicted feeling that nagged deep inside of him. He told himself that this was a test—only a test. He’d presented Claire with more tests than he could count, and when she passed this one, everything could continue as it had been. Would she pass? Tony knew in his heart that this wasn’t the same as other tests he’d created; this was bigger and potentially life changing. It wasn’t a test: it was her final examination—the fulfillment of a personal deal he’d made a lifetime ago. It started out as an idea, a seed, and like things do, it grew.

Twenty-two months ago, when he brought Claire to his home, Tony didn’t know what to expect. He never in a million years planned to have feelings for her—she was the enemy, a Nichols. In hindsight, Catherine had seen and warned him. She knew his interest in Claire was more than that of curiosity. That being said, Tony fought those feelings with all he had. He’d never admit it to anyone, but in a significant way, Claire was his biggest success and his biggest failure. He’d brought her to Iowa to pay the penance of her family’s sins, but during her sentence she’d won him over. Oh, he’d changed her, but she’d changed him, too. He was no longer her warden but her husband. In essence, she’d derailed his plans.

Unlike any other failure, and he’d had very few, Tony didn’t mind. He enjoyed her—more than enjoyed, he craved her. She fulfilled a part of him he’d never known existed, yet despite all the ways he’d changed her, he knew that she was still a Nichols. She acted, dressed, and looked different, but was it real? After all, deep down, she was still the same woman who he’d acquired. It was a reality he couldn’t shake. Maybe it was the way the subject snuck into conversations. Catherine would say something like, I saw the photos of the two of you in the magazine. Claire is doing so well, and you two truly make a handsome couple. Sometimes I forget that she’s a Nichols.

It would be at times like that when Tony would remember the little seed that had been planted decades ago—the seed which grew tall and deep and reminded him that a Nichols helped to condemn his grandfather to twenty-two months in prison. That time period resonated in Tony’s psyche. Twenty-two months—the length of time that Nathaniel Rawls lost to the state of New York for sins that were saddled on him by Sherman Nichols and Jonathon Burke. With that time period in mind, Claire’s sentence was almost up. Originally, it had been the time period Tony had hoped to keep Claire. He and Catherine had even discussed what would happen to her once it was all over.

Since the very beginning, Catherine had reminded him that Tony needed to stay cognizant of his public persona. If Claire failed, Tony needed to be prepared to distance himself. If he couldn’t, there was only one option. That option may have been viable two years ago, but it wasn’t something Tony would entertain now. Claire’s accident had been too traumatic. He refused to consider her enduring anything worse; nevertheless, the groundwork had been laid for the option of public disgrace.

From Tony’s perspective, the decision was hers. The only way that Claire would be publicly disgraced was if she failed the test he was about to present. If she passed, the time period of her sentence would pass and life would go on. Taking a stiff drink of Johnnie Walker Scotch, Tony reassured himself that Claire would pass. She’d been presented with the option of freedom once, the night he proposed, and she willingly surrendered her liberties to him. Standing near the highboy, Tony poured himself another two fingers—maybe three—of scotch when he heard his office door open.

“Anton, it’s late. Why are you still up?”

He didn’t turn around; instead, he glanced at his watch—2:14 AM. He had no idea it was that late. “I’m thinking.”

“Where’s Claire?” Catherine asked.

“Bed.” He spun around. “Where would you expect her to be at this hour?”

“She’s in your suite, isn’t she? You left her alone in there?”

“What’s the matter, Catherine? No videos for you tonight?”

Catherine shook her head and sat on the leather sofa. “Anton, you’re upset. Are you worried?”

He lifted one finger in her direction and went to his desk. After a few moments and a few codes, he stood and faced his oldest colleague. “No, I’m not worried. I have total confidence in my wife. Tomorrow night you and I’ll be discussing how she followed my rules, once again.”

“I believe you’re right. So, why are you doing this?” Her shoulders sagged. “Why are you forcing her to jump through another hoop?” With more determination, she stood and faced him. “Claire loves you and you love her. Let that be enough. There are other Nichols who can pay. Look what you’ve done to John.” Her eyes glistened. “Oh, Anton, that was brilliant.”

Tony exhaled and collapsed on the chair near the sofa. “That had its own perks, but it was also a step of this test. Don’t you understand? Now John can’t help her—so much for his proclamation of undying devotion. He and Emily are a little busy at the moment.”

“I do! I understand, and the Simmonses? They’re still out of the country. Right?”

He studied Catherine’s expression. “Right. Why would that matter? They’re my friends. Brent works for me.”

“Oh, you’re right. It’s just that I believe Claire and Mrs. Simmons have become very close.”

Tony shrugged. “I don’t know. Claire complains about how much Courtney talks.” A small grin emerged. “Now, if that’s not the pot—”

“Anton, I see how you have this all planned. Nathaniel would be so proud. And you’re so brave! You’re willing to take the poison?”

His dark eyes darted from his near empty glass to Catherine’s questioning gaze. “I am. I don’t think it’ll be necessary, but if she takes the bait and drives away, I’ll drink it.” He swallowed the remaining contents of his tumbler. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

Catherine nodded. “It’s not like I can practice on anyone, but yes. I’m confident you’ll go unconscious and nothing more.”

“As in, I won’t die? Go ahead and say it, Marie. I’ve momentarily turned off the surveillance to the whole damn house. The whole system’s doing a reboot. No one will ever hear what we’re saying.”

“Anton, I don’t want to talk about you dying—that’s not going to happen. As you’ve said, you probably won’t even need to drink the coffee. But, if you do—”

“If I do, I’ll live to see the repercussions of Claire’s decision.”

Catherine nodded. “What about witnesses?”

“I have a web conference I’m doing from home tomorrow. If she gets in the car, I’ll be live in front of people all over the country.”

Catherine reached out and covered Tony’s hand. “If you’re sure you need to do this, I’ll help you. Just like I’ve helped in the past and how you’ve helped me. I won’t let anything happen to you. We’re too close to seeing the fulfillment of our goals.” She clapped her hands under her chin. “Just think—the end is so near. Only Emily will be left.”

Tony straightened his shoulders and sat taller. “Remember that—only Emily. Claire will be done. Nothing else is necessary; her name is off the list.”

“Yes, of course. That’s what you’d said, but if she doesn’t take the bait?”

His voice deepened. “Then her name is off the list. If she’s presented with a clear line to freedom and doesn’t take it. No! When she’s presented with this avenue and doesn’t take it, it’ll prove that Claire Nichols is gone.” He felt his eyes darken as he emphasized his final point, spacing each word. “Claire. Rawlings. Was. Never. On. Our. List.”

Catherine stood. “Yes, of course. Now, how much longer until the cameras turn back on? I’ll get things set in the kitchen.”

Tony glanced at his watch. “You have about ten minutes.”

Walking toward the door, she said, “I’ll have it ready.”

Looking into his empty tumbler, Tony’s mind filled with images of him and his wife. They were memories of private times, times of comfort and companionship. He’d never had a person in his life before. He’d never wanted to be near someone or please someone. He had to know that, no matter what, he could trust this person. Why, oh why had that person been Claire? Of all of the people in the world, why did it have to be one of the people he’d promised to bring down?

Closing his eyes, Tony remembered Claire after her accident. He had brought her down, but in true Claire fashion, she rebounded. That strength and resilience amazed him. If she failed this impending examination, would she rebound?

He didn’t want to think about it; instead, he imagined their future. Claire would pass. She wouldn’t take the bait.

Feeling a bit more confident, Tony walked back to his desk and searched travel sites. Claire enjoyed travel. She didn’t know that she was facing a life-changing test, but when she passed, he wanted to reward her. Maybe England? They’d talked about that. No, it was January. The United Kingdom would be cold. A grin surfaced as he thought about her likes and dislikes—she liked sun. He entered tropical beaches into the search engine. Tony would take her someplace warm. If she asked why, he’d say it was because she was upset about her brother-in-law; however, he’d know the real reason: it was her positive consequence.

When Tony crawled back into his bed, he slid behind Claire’s sleeping body and wrapped her in his arms. She fit perfectly as he was drawn to her radiating warmth. Gently kissing her hair, he tasted her perfume as his hands wandered her curves, caressing her soft skin. Her soft murmurs filled his heart with hope as she settled into his embrace. Smiling, Tony imagined that in a few days he’d have his wife on a sunny beach with nothing more than a bikini—maybe not even that. Those images and more filled his mind as he drifted off to sleep.

When he woke, Tony lingered longer than usual in the warmth of their bed. Being much too early for Claire to wake, he lifted his head, rested it on his elbow, and watched her sleep. Her lightened hair covered her pillow as renegade strands crisscrossed her cheek. Along with her exposed face, one bare shoulder was visible above the mound of luxurious blankets. Tony leaned closer, kissed her forehead, and watched in amusement as her nose wrinkled. Lightly, he kissed her again. This time he was rewarded with the most beautiful moan as she stretched and turned toward him. Although Claire was still sound asleep, she subconsciously responded to his touch. He wanted to wake her, but he feared that if her warm, soft skin touched his and they connected their bodies, as they’d been connected the night before, he wouldn’t be able to carry out his plan.

Brushing the strands of blonde from her face, he whispered, “You don’t need to wake yet.” When she didn’t respond and he was confident of her sleeping, he added, “You have a big day, my dear. You need your rest. Tonight we’ll celebrate.”

Throughout Tony’s morning routine, he avoided thoughts of Claire’s impending examination. To him it was merely a formality—the final signature on their life-long contract. The deal was already complete; she belonged to him. His wife wouldn’t disappoint.

Anthony Rawlings reassured himself. Claire knew better than to disappoint, because if she did, he’d promised consequences, and above everything else, he was a man of his word.

Tony had finished his breakfast when Claire entered the dining room. She’d obviously just gotten out of bed and in his opinion was the most beautiful woman in the world. It was part of her appeal, a piece of the puzzle that helped Tony realize that he had truly fallen in love. She didn’t have to be wearing designer dresses nor have her hair and makeup perfect. Even without the polish, she was stunning. Smiling he said, “Good morning, my dear. You look beautiful this morning.”

Claire made a face. “I think you need an eye exam.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he stared up into the emerald glow of her eyes. Before he could speak, she kissed his cheek and continued, “I just wanted to catch you before you left.”

It was then that Tony’s attention went to Catherine. She’d silently entered the dining room, and at Claire’s comment about Tony’s departure, Catherine’s lips pursed into a straight line. As Claire sat and Catherine poured her coffee, Claire continued speaking. “I wanted to tell you how much I appreciated talking to Emily. It’s a difficult time for them, and I wanted to let you know I’ll miss you.”

It wasn’t just her words that reassured Tony: it was her smile. She knew her contact with her family was at his discretion, and she wasn’t fighting, but thanking him for it. He was glad Catherine heard. The crimson that had been threatening faded. Tony proceeded with confidence. “Good news, I’m working from home today.” He settled back against the chair as Catherine slipped wordlessly from the room. “So, you won’t need to miss me.”

“That’s great!” Claire replied. “Do you have a lot of work?”

“A few web conferences and phone calls, but don’t worry, I know your schedule is free. I have some ideas for us, too.” Tony knew that his smile was too big for the circumstances; nevertheless, he couldn’t restrain it. Claire would pass her test, and he had multiple ideas for celebration in mind. He couldn’t wait to tell her about the surprise trip. He’d found it earlier this morning when he was supposed to be preparing for his web conference. It was a small exclusive resort on Seven Mile Beach on the west side of Grand Cayman Island. Currently, the temperatures were in the mid to upper eighties and the forecast was perfect. He imagined her delight as he showed her the website.

Claire replied, “All right, I need to work out and clean up. I came down here in a hurry to see you.”

“When you’re dressed, come to my office,” he said. As he stood to leave, he reached out. Mindlessly, he touched her shoulder and fought the urge to explore below her soft robe. His desire to speed time and move past the examination was almost palpable.

She tilted her head toward his hand and said, “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Kissing her cheek, he allowed his desire to infiltrate his tone. “Or, you could visit before you dress?”

She touched his hand. “If I do that, you may not get your work done.”

Damn, she was right. They would have plenty of time for his plans. “As usual, my dear, you’re right. I’ll see you in my office, soon.” As his lips brushed her cheek, he looked up in time to see gray irises watching from the hall. Reluctantly, he left his wife and walked toward his office.

Before he closed the door, Catherine hurriedly came down the hall. Everything they said at this point would be on video. They both knew what could be at stake. “Mr. Rawlings, you left the dining room before I could check on you. Is there anything you need?”

“No, Catherine, I believe I’m quite satisfied with all that I have.”

She squared her shoulders. “You are planning on working from home?” Her tone made the statement a question. “Or have your plans changed?”

“Nothing has changed. I’ll let you know if I need anything.”

Catherine nodded and turned away.

After a brief visit to the Grand Cayman’s website, Tony forced himself to concentrate on the business at hand. He had a web conference with some other investors about a joint endeavor that hadn’t yielded the desired results. It was a bold initiative to revitalize manufacturing in Michigan. In desperate need of help, the auto companies and the state had been more than willing to make concessions regarding taxes and fees. The problem centered on the expiration of the original terms. It seemed as though the powers that be in the state of Michigan believed that they had Tony and the other investors over the proverbial barrel. As far as he was concerned, it couldn’t be farther from the truth. Reviewing the numbers, Tony knew that he’d gladly take the write-off and shut the doors before he agreed to the exorbitant taxes. He’d already shut the doors of an unprofitable stamping plant in Flint, Michigan. He didn’t understand how they could think he was bluffing on this.

It was almost 10:00 AM when Tony heard the faint knock on his office door. Despite his conversation at hand, a grin briefly flew across his lips as he read the time on his screen. His rules regarding Claire spending her days with him in his office no longer existed. She was, after all, his wife; however, it seemed that old habits die hard. When she’d first been told that she needed to spend the days he worked from home, nearby, in the event her services were required, he’d told her to always be present by 10:00 AM. Even though he didn’t say that this morning, nor did he require her services, her obedience continued to strengthen his confidence. He pushed the button under his desk and his door opened. Before he could acknowledge her presence, he needed to respond to one of the other investors. Claire didn’t interrupt; she smiled and sat quietly on the sofa. Later he noticed her reading an article in one of the magazines.

The conference finally finished around 10:45 AM. He’d tried to end it sooner, as he wanted to appreciate every second they had together before her test. She must have heard that his conference ended, because when he turned his chair, she was looking in his direction. Immediately, she placed the magazine on the table and walked toward him. Grinning, he murmured, “Ahh, blue, my favorite color.” Tony was suddenly thankful for his loose-fitting sweatpants. “You’re beautiful in any color.” He drank her in, savoring everything about her. His eyes settled on her diamond journey necklace. He knew why Catherine had laid it out: it helped to create the persona that Claire enjoyed the finer things. Nevertheless, he’d always liked it. Lowering his gaze to the neckline of her sweater, his tone turned sultry. “Or, in no color.” Putting his hands around her waist, Tony longed to pull Claire onto his lap and whisper, follow my rules—I know you can. If he did, would it ruin the test? He could say it loud and proud. Anthony Rawlings wasn’t hiding from anyone; instead, he caressed her trim waist and said, “I have one more web conference at 11:00 AM and then two lunch phone calls. I’d like you back after that.” It wasn’t a request: it was a demand or a plea. He wasn’t sure anymore.

“It’s so nice out. I’d like to go for a hike while you’re working.”

“No.” Tony slowed his tone. He couldn’t give anything away. “The phone calls may need to be postponed, depending on the outcome of the next web conference. I’d like you here, if I’m done earlier. We can lunch and discuss our possible afternoon activities.” He turned back to his computer screen and read while he spoke. It was the message he’d planted, the next step. As he was about to continue, Claire surprised him with kisses to his neck.

Warm breaths instigated chills, as Claire responded. “Well, then, may I just go out back? The sky’s so clear, and I could really use some fresh air.”

He didn’t try to contain his seductive grin. “Okay, just be back by noon, and …” It was now or never. “… could you get me some coffee before you go?”

Each move she made filled him with hope and desire. His arousal was nicely hidden, but as soon as she left, he definitely needed to reposition his seating. One more kiss to his neck and Claire said, “Yes.”

At 10:57 AM, Claire returned to his desk with a warm cup of coffee. When he heard her approaching, he picked up his iPhone and pretended to have a conversation as he rummaged through papers on his desk. When he hung up, he turned and faced his wife. Tony’s body battled with his mind as he fought his personal desire. It was the confidence of her impending behavior that propelled him forward. “Tell Eric there are contracts at the Iowa City office. I need them here before 1:00 PM. He needs to get them immediately.” For a moment, Claire stood silently and stared with her big, innocent emerald eyes. A small voice told him that she knew his plan, she was ahead of him and—and—he waited for the voice to tell him if she would pass. Then he remembered her earlier request. Claire didn’t know his plans; she wanted to walk outside. Exhaling the building tension, he added, “And after that, you may go for your walk. Just be back by noon.”

She smiled and kissed his cheek. “Okay. I’ll tell Eric and be back.” He watched as she hurried away. The web conference was to begin in two minutes, yet he felt as though his life was literally walking toward her destiny. He adjusted his computer screen and pulled up the house surveillance.

Sitting on the edge of his desk, where she’d placed it, was his coffee. Tony looked at the cup. He’d never asked Catherine the specifics about the contents. He had no reason to distrust her. She said he’d wake after he drank it. Tony knew that Catherine would not disappoint him.

The conference began as each participant introduced him or herself. Tony listened halfheartedly as he scanned their resumes. They were the pages he’d been ruffling through earlier. He heard their voices and put names with their faces; all the while he watched the small section of his screen devoted to the garages.

After he’d introduced himself and given a synopsis of the goals he planned to accomplish during the next thirty minutes, he watched Claire enter the garage. Briefly, she gazed at the cars and then walked toward Eric’s apartment door. The small image didn’t have sound, but he could see as she knocked and Eric opened his door. It seemed as though Eric answered a little too quickly; after all, he was expecting Claire, but Claire didn’t seem to notice.

The exchange between her and Eric lasted only seconds, but as the cup of coffee taunted him, Tony felt as if time were standing still. Then the examination he’d prepared unfolded before his eyes. Eric grabbed his coat and hat, unlocked the key cabinet on the wall, removed a set of keys, and shut the cabinet. Tony held his breath as the small metal door bounced open. It wasn’t overt and Eric didn’t appear to notice. He was still speaking with Claire as he looked at his watch. Next, the garage door opened to the outside world as sunlight streamed over the camera, fading the color from the corner of Tony’s screen.

On the larger image, two participants discussed something about a quantitative summary. Tony didn’t care. His attention was on the small corner where Claire wrapped her arms around her midsection and watched Eric drive away. Color returned to the image as the garage door closed. She turned back to the way she’d entered when she stopped and stared toward the open cabinet.

Tony didn’t know what was being said on his web conference as he held his breath and waited. Seconds earlier, time had stood still; now he couldn’t slow it down. Claire reached into the cabinet and grabbed a set of keys. The ones to the new Mercedes were purposely placed in a more accessible spot. The headlights flashed as she hit the button on the fob.

When the garage door opened again, Tony didn’t notice the loss of color. His vision, his office, his life was red. The disappointment was overwhelming. The pain of betrayal washed over him as the crimson-colored memories sped through his consciousness. Everything—all twenty-two months—was a lie. Claire never loved him. If she had, she wouldn’t have jumped at the first opportunity to leave. She’d played him, used him, and manipulated him. He’d been a fool to believe that love existed. He’d never seen it—not the love they talk about in songs or in books. Not the look she’d given to Simon Johnson. None of it was real. It was a fictitious emotion created for saps who wanted to believe, an illusion—like Santa Claus. The idea brought people joy, until they were faced with the bitter reality and disappointment of betrayal. Hadn’t Tony learned the truth a long time ago? Numbers were real. Money was real. Emotions were for the weak.

As the garage door closed, Tony reached for the ceramic cup. The liquid had cooled, yet as he used one hand to make the web conference fill his entire screen, his other hand tentatively touched the rounded handle as if it were potentially scalding. He didn’t know how long it took to pick up the cup, or to take that first drink; however, as soon as he did, redness exploded, extreme pain clenched his chest, and blackness prevailed.