Behind His Eyes

Chapter 5 Promises made - August 2010 (Consequences - Chapter 14)

For every promise, there is a price to pay.

—Jim Rohn

Tony wasn’t sure what to expect, or even what he wanted to find, as he walked down the S.E. corridor. He didn’t need to check the monitors; Catherine had informed him as soon as he arrived that Claire was waiting for him in her suite. Apparently, Claire had asked Catherine about his arrival, and Catherine had said that she didn’t know the particulars.

This was the longest they’d been separated since he brought her to his estate. There’d been occasions when he’d left for a day or two due to business obligations, but this separation had been ten days. Before he left, they’d had another glitch, and he didn’t leave her in the best condition. Oh, physically she was fine. Her acquired cooperation over the last five months had greatly reduced the need for physical assertiveness, beyond what came in the heat of the moment. No, when Tony left Claire, she was emotionally spent.

Breaking her spirit had been his goal, and in true Anthony Rawlings fashion, he succeeded. He remembered every minute, both in his theater and in her suite. Tony pushed Claire to a place she didn’t want to go. He’d exhibited his power and watched as the fire behind her green eyes dimmed. Then, he purposely dowsed it some more. He remembered the note he’d left on her table:

I believe we have a blockbuster on our hands. It’s

hard to say, until we thoroughly review the footage.

I plan to return a week from Wednesday. Eric is

available if you want to visit the Quad Cities. I trust

last night’s film reminded you of my rules. Don’t

disappoint me.

He left that with the intention of quenching any renegade sparks. At the time, it had been invigorating.

Then he left and—almost immediately—the elation faded.

Tony didn’t doubt his power—it was obvious. He had the ability to make Claire’s world heaven or hell; however, for a reason that Tony didn’t fully comprehend, that control didn’t satisfy him the way it once had. From the beginning of her acquisition, he’d thought of it like a business deal. He made those every day. Companies were bought and sold. They were expanded or the doors were closed. Employees benefited or suffered—it happened.

Tony told himself over and over that Claire’s role was nothing more than that of an employee—maybe less. Therefore, when his procurement was complete, when he’d succeeded and broken her spirit, he should’ve experienced the euphoria that accompanied a hard-fought gain. In the case of this acquisition, taking Claire’s mind and spirit had been more difficult than taking her body. It would seem as though his jubilation should’ve lasted longer than the car ride to the plane. It didn’t.

Without warning, uneasiness settled in.

It wasn’t that Tony missed Claire while he was in Europe; nevertheless, she continually infiltrated his thoughts. After a day or two, he decided to check the feed from her suite, believing it would satisfy his curiosity and allow him to concentrate on the matters at hand. Since there was a seven-hour time difference between Switzerland and Iowa, the morning that he peered into his iPad, he found Claire peacefully asleep in her bed. Obviously, she wasn’t having the same insomnia issues that had plagued him.

The small peek helped. Although he wasn’t able to keep Claire out of his thoughts, now those thoughts were images of her sleeping. He’d be negotiating or discussing something with someone and the satin strap of her nightgown, which had been barely visible on his small screen, would come to mind. He’d close his eyes and see her relaxed expression. If he concentrated long enough, Tony was sure that he could smell her scent, a fragrant mixture of perfume, hairspray, and sex. He’d imagine what it was like sleeping with her and removing the satin and lace from her soft skin. Although he enjoyed the way the negligees hugged her curves, they were merely for show. When he was home, she rarely spent the night actually sleeping in them.

Then, as his day progressed, his newfound peace faded. Each time he checked the feed from her suite, even late into his evening, he found the room empty. With time-lapsed speed, he saw the cleaning staff, but Claire was absent. The last image he found of her was before 9:00 AM in Iowa.

As he was about to retire, around midnight in Geneva, Claire’s suite was still empty. It didn’t make sense. It was almost 5:00 PM in Iowa City, and she should be there—it was her job! Nevertheless, she wasn’t. Tony checked the library, the theater, the pool, and the gardens. He couldn’t locate her on any monitors.

Then he remembered his note. He’d told Claire that Eric was available to her while he was gone. Assuring himself that she was only out shopping and safely with Eric, Tony tried to go to sleep. Behind his closed eyes, images of her sleeping with her sun-lightened hair fanned over her pillow and that damn satin strap fought for contention with his new worries and concerns regarding her whereabouts. Finally, he gave into his curiosity and called Eric.

“Yes, Mr. Rawlings?”

“I was checking to see where you’ve taken Ms. Claire in my absence, and to learn if you’re nearly back to the estate.”

“Sir?”

Uncharacteristically, Tony’s voice reflected his concerns. “Ms. Claire. I told her that you’d be available if she wanted to leave the estate. You have accompanied her, haven’t you? You know not to let her out by herself.”

“Sir, I do know her limitations. However, she’s not requested to leave the estate. I haven’t taken her anywhere.”

“She wasn’t with you today, for most of the day, and currently?”

“No, sir,” Eric replied. “I can go to the main house and locate her for you, if you’d like?”

Tony decided to go another direction. Dismissing Eric, he disconnected the line. His chest felt tight as he fought to inhale. Ignoring his physical discomfort, he walked down the hall to the small liquor cabinet in the sitting room of his suite. The bottle clinked the crystal as his unsteady hand poured two fingers of bourbon into the tumbler. The smooth amber fluid numbed his throat and calmed his nerves as it disappeared in one swallow. He poured another glass and reached for his phone. With steadier fingers, he retrieved Catherine’s personal number and hit CALL.

Catherine informed him that Claire was spending her days hiking.

Hiking? What the hell? To where? To whom?

Catherine only said that Claire took a lunch and returned each day by 6:00 PM.

That night, he tossed and turned until he had visual confirmation of her return. It was nearly 2:00 AM in Geneva, and Tony wasn’t sure who deserved to be reprimanded for this breach, Claire or Catherine. The next evening, Tony cut a dinner engagement short, claiming an exorbitant amount of work with a deadline quickly approaching, to sit in his suite and review days of video. Upon further investigation, he found what he wanted. Starting on the Monday after he left, and each morning following, at approximately 9:00 AM, Claire would walk along the garden path and quietly step through the perimeter of trees. Something in his chest clutched each time he watched her disappear into the shaded darkness.

On the fifth day he called Catherine again. It was after 11:00 PM in Switzerland, and he may have had more than a few fingers of bourbon. “Is she back?”

“Isn’t your Internet working?”

“Don’t be a smart-ass. I’m concerned that you’re becoming lax in your judgment.”

“May I remind you that you were the one to approve the hikes in the first place? She reminded me of that.”

“Walks into the woods—not day-long excursions!”

Catherine’s response was more of a sound than a word.

Tony’s liquored tongue enunciated perfectly, and his words dripped with sarcasm. “I watched the exchange between the two of you on the day I left. Weren’t you just the sweetest?”

“I can be,” Catherine responded. “Would you have rather I did nothing and she went mad?”

This time Tony made the noise. “It wasn’t that bad,” he scoffed.

“It was. She was on the edge of a very dark place. I know the signs. I just helped her see that she could survive.”

“I didn’t think that was your goal.”

Catherine allowed the line to go silent. Finally she replied, “I’ve grown used to her.”

“Used to her? Like a pet?” He knew better than to bring up the motherly comment again.

Catherine murmured under her breath. Apparently, she didn’t see his obvious restraint. He changed his tone. “What if she decides to leave the property?”

“She’s returned every day, with minutes to spare.”

“Hmm.” He assessed. “At least she’s a well-trained pet, but why? Why is she doing this, and where is she going?”

“I can only assume to gain some sense of personal freedom. She knows that her suite is monitored, and she feels she can have some time to herself beyond the perimeter of the grounds.”

Tony thought about Catherine’s response. It made sense, but he didn’t like it. He didn’t want her to have that freedom. He wanted all of her. Perhaps it was the liquor, but his tone softened. “Do you think it’s helped her?”

“I do. She seems different, resigned to her fate, yet I don’t know—stronger.”

“And do you know where she goes? My property goes on for miles.”

“I don’t know. The laundry staff has informed me of bathing suits. Perhaps she’s sunbathing?”

“She can do that at the pool,” Tony answered, as images of Claire, wearing one of her many bathing suits, lying near the pool, paraded through his consciousness.

“Do you want me to tell her that she’s no longer allowed to go on her hikes?”

He contemplated. “You said she’s home every night by 6:00 PM. Why not 5:00 PM?”

“I told her 6:00 PM. You aren’t here. She dines alone.”

He nodded. “All right, no. Don’t stop her as long as she follows your rules. Catherine?”

“Yes?”

“On the day of my arrival, do not tell her when I’ll be in. Don’t even remind her of my day of arrival. I want to see if she’ll be ready. I want to know that she’ll be following my rules. She knows that if I’m to be home, she’s to be available. Let’s see what she’ll do with this new personal freedom and how far she’ll take it.”

“All right, Anton. If that’s what you want.”

“I do.”

He hit DISCONNECT.

As Tony’s hand touched the lever of Claire’s door, he took a deep breath. Perhaps, just perhaps, what Anthony Rawlings feared was that ten days ago he had succeeded. There was something about Claire’s resilience, something about her strength in the face of his tyranny, that intrigued him. It was a game and he enjoyed the invigorating play.

Ten days ago, Claire seemed defeated even before he showed her the videos. If he had totally broken her spirit, would the game be done? Then what would he do? If she were emotionally as accommodating as she was physically, would the challenge be over?

Tony couldn’t remember another time in his life when he wanted so desperately to have failed. Opening the door, he panned the suite and found Claire seated on the sofa with a book. Exhaling, he stepped forward, knowing that he’d have to face the consequences of his actions. Their eyes met and his back straightened. Tony knew. He could see it in those damn green eyes—her fire was back!

“Good afternoon, Claire.”

Her movements were deliberate and slow. She placed her bookmark in her book, laid the book on the end table, and stood. “Good afternoon, Anthony. It’s nice to have you home. How was your trip?”

He stepped forward, wanting—no needing—to gauge her reaction. The scent of her perfume intensified with each step. When he was mere inches away, he stopped. This proximity required her to look up to maintain eye contact. Without direction, her chin rose defiantly, her lips held the perfect smile, and her eyes screamed with the intensity he sought. As much as he wanted to pull her into his arms, he heard himself bait her. It was his game and he couldn’t stop. “My trip was long. I’m pleased with your greeting. Does this mean your temper tantrum from before my trip has reached its conclusion?”

“Yes, I believe it has. I apologize for my behavior. It was childish and unnecessary.”

He had failed to break her—or so it seemed; nevertheless, Tony needed to push and learn if Claire was truly as fragile and on the edge as Catherine said, or if her spirit was renewed. He grinned. “As I recall, a great deal of your behavior was far from childish …” he paused—no reaction, “… but my memory could be failing me. It has been a long trip. I know how we could find out …” another pause—no reaction, “… or review?”

She didn’t take his bait. Instead, she responded, “You’re right. It was very adult. I’d be glad to do whatever it is you tell me to do again. I believe I have a debt to repay. My goal is to make that happen sooner rather than later. Fulfilling my contract is the means to that end.”

He couldn’t fight the urge any longer. He had failed—and he’d never been so relieved. Swiftly, he pulled her against him and watched the fire rage. Oh, she smiled, said all the right things, but her damn eyes were fighting. It was better than he’d dared to hope. Bending down, his lips captured hers. Did he sense hesitation? If so, it was briefly lived. Suddenly, she was pressing back with equal force. He lifted her petite frame and held tight to her firm, round behind as her arms encircled his neck.

All of the trepidation he’d felt walking the gauntlet from his office to her suite morphed into unbridled desire. He didn’t want to make her watch movies; he wanted to make them. Would he watch them? Probably, but that wasn’t what he was thinking as he backed her against the beige wall and her legs encircled his torso. He was silently cursing her choice of attire. Tony would give his entire fortune for her to be wearing a skirt.

It didn’t take long and the damn white slacks and slippery blouse were history, lost somewhere on the floor of her suite. His suit followed, as Claire met him move for move. She was careful not to initiate, but whatever he suggested, whether it was verbal or otherwise, she met him head-on. As the afternoon progressed, he silently questioned if the Claire he’d hope to find was back, or if this was someone different, someone stronger? He wasn’t sure, and he didn’t waste too much time wondering.

About 6:30 PM, he used his cell phone to call the kitchen and have dinner brought to her suite. The flight had been long and their reunion exhausting. It was about 9:30 PM when he finally succumbed to sleep. In the moment before sweet nothingness prevailed and Tony slept better than he had in over a week, the satin strap he’d seen in the video feed crossed his mind. Taking one last glance toward Claire, he saw her bare shoulders and grinned. Tonight she wouldn’t be wearing a nightgown to sleep.

Tony’s shoes echoed against the marble floor of the long corridor as he made his way toward the front staircase. Inklings of crimson seeped into his vision as each step pounded more determined than the last. All day long, he’d thought about his reunion with Claire and her change in demeanor. As the day progressed he’d convinced himself not only of her acceptance of her situation, but the obvious pleasure she derived from it. Then, as if to prove him wrong, he went to her suite to retrieve her for dinner, and she was gone. Catherine had assured him that Claire knew dinner was at 7:00 PM. Where the hell was she?

Reaching the bottom of the stairs, he was about to call out to Catherine, when Tony stopped. In the sitting room, waiting calmly, dressed appropriately for dinner, was Claire. He stood for a moment and watched as he remained hidden from her view. She had her shapely legs crossed at her ankles, just above her high heels and her hands rested serenely on her lap. The dress she’d chosen to wear was blue and sleeveless, accentuating her tanned, firm arms. She didn’t appear anxious, yet she wasn’t overtly relaxed—she just was. As he stared, the red faded from his view. Tony reasoned that Claire hadn’t disobeyed; it was only different. She’d never before taken the initiative to come down to dinner on her own, but there she was. Taking a deep breath, he straightened his suit jacket and stepped into the sitting room. Her eyes immediately went to his. “Good evening, Claire.”

She stood and walked toward him. “Good evening, Anthony.”

Offering his arm, she rested her small hand in the crook of his elbow, and they walked to the dining room. As they entered, he said, “I went to your suite expecting to find you there.”

Her painted eyes widened. “I apologize. I was told dinner would be in the dining room at 7:00 PM; I didn’t want to be late.”

As he pulled out her chair and she sat, Tony studied the ringlets of hair that teasingly grazed her neck. He reminded himself that the blonde hair emerging from her brown was an outward sign of the new woman he was creating. Her obvious emphasis of obedience was because it was what he demanded—the old Claire wouldn’t have done that, perhaps not even recently. This Claire knew her place, and after their glitch a week ago, she was being extra careful.

He sat and studied his creation. He wanted to believe her; yet the red loomed nearby. He found his businessman’s tone. “Your punctuality is duly noted. It seems my absence has helped you remember who’s in charge and what guidelines you are to follow.”

“Yes, your absence was advantageous on many counts.”

He stared. What the hell? Unable to form a rebuttal that would facilitate their dinner conversation, he waited.

Finally, she spoke again, “I believe it helped me recognize I owe you much, not just the money to repay my debt, but the confidence you’ve shown in me … the confidence to trust me with your intimate beliefs.” She paused. “I will not betray that confidence.”

While Cindy and Carlos entered the dining room and filled the table with food and drinks, Tony continued to stare. He looked for any sign of manipulation. Truly, what did she expect to gain? Once they were again alone, Tony said, “Claire, if you’re sincere, you never cease to amaze me. If, however, you’re playing me, you will regret it.”

“Tony, what would I gain by playing you? I’m aware my present, future, and release are solely in your hands. I’m sorry for my behavior before you left.”

He broke their gaze as he contemplated her words. Her eyes had been in agreement: he saw spirit, but not fight. Tony didn’t accept her declaration, but he didn’t rebuke it either. He changed the subject and they ate.

After dinner he escorted her out to the gardens for a stroll. As they approached the area in the path where he’d watch her disappear, he stopped. The underbrush was down trodden. He gazed into the trees. With the setting sun, the woods appeared dark and unknown, yet he knew she’d been there every day. Why?

She looked from the point in the border of the trees and then up to him. When she didn’t volunteer, Tony asked, “Tell me about your walks. How far do you go?”

“I’m not sure … in miles. At first, I just walked.”

“At first?”

“At first, I was trying to get a feel of your land and would go in different directions. I found the most beautiful clearings, right in the middle of the trees. There were flowers, wild flowers, and …” He listened to her words, but there was something else, a sense of discovery or wonder that he’d never heard or seen before—in anyone. They were just damn trees and bugs and things that existed wherever man had yet to build something truly spectacular; however, as she described the clearings, the insects, and animals, her eyes—no, her whole damn face—lit up like she was describing the most beautiful monuments in the world. “… that’s when I found the lake. Oh, Tony, it’s beautiful. It isn’t big, but it isn’t small. There’re fish and a beach. I’ve been taking books and reading and enjoying the sun.”

“A lake?” he questioned. “I remember seeing one, years ago, when I did flyovers of the land to help me decide where to have the house built.”

Her look of wonder morphed into one of blatant concern. “I-Is it still on your land?”

He took her hand in his. “Yes,” he reassured. “That’s still on my land. You haven’t broken my rules.”

Claire’s obvious relief was the final shove to push the red away. Maybe it was as Catherine said, he was used to her, or maybe he had missed her? Had she missed him? He didn’t want to ask. Even if he did ask, could he believe her answer? If she were truthful and the answer wasn’t what he wanted—it was better not to ask.

Tony reached into his breast pocket and brought out a black velvet box. “I found these for you in Italy. I thought they made a nice complement to your necklace.”

Claire hesitantly accepted the small box. Before she opened it, she peered up at him through her lashes. It struck him again how different she was from the other women he’d dated. They would’ve never hesitated; they wanted gifts, the more the better. Then again, he and Claire weren’t dating—were they?

She opened the box and revealed the pearl earrings he’d found at a small jewelry store in Florence. He’d seen them in the window and immediately thought of Claire’s necklace. They weren’t exactly the same; however, the pearls were very similar and they were offset on white gold circles. He explained, “Your necklace is a cross, which is an X on its side. Now your earrings are O’s—X’s and O’s.” He smiled.

“Thank you, Tony,” she said as she closed the lid. “It was very kind of you to think of me during your busy trip.”

He placed her hand back into the crook of his arm, and they continued to walk about the garden. The sun was setting and he was home.