Chasing Bliss

Chapter Four

“Good morning, Gemma.”

Gemma thought seriously about hiding under her desk. Nell Flanders was the single most tenacious person she’d ever met, and she’d gone three rounds with a superior court judge. Nell Flanders had walked in every morning for the last week and placed two things on her desk. A muffin of unknown origin and a picture of a person Gemma’s former profession was—in Nell’s words—seeking to murder for corporate profit.

Calvin Township was a small town with exactly one employer, a tanning mill owned by a large conglomerate. It boasted one school, one stoplight, and twelve people with small-cell carcinoma. Given that the town only had a population of one hundred and fifty—and three of the twelve were children—it was logical that the EPA had investigated.

But they hadn’t found anything. And she was no longer even with the firm.

“This morning I have brought you a vegan cornmeal raspberry muffin. It was made with my own hands, so we can be sure it’s cruelty-free.” She placed a picture of an adorable little girl with pigtails in front of Gemma. “And this is Mikayla. Her life is not cruelty-free because Tremon Industries poisoned her water supply with chemicals and now she has tumors on her kidneys.”

God, Nell was killing her. “I feel for her. I’m sorry, but the EPA tested the site themselves. Everything was within regulations. Maybe the standards need to be tightened, but that’s not my job. And neither is this. I don’t work for Giles and Knoxbury anymore. I work here, and Nate has been very careful about his recycling practices. He does as little paperwork as humanly possible. His laziness is saving trees.”

“I resent that, Gemma!” Nate yelled from behind his halfway opened door.

Cam looked up from his computer. “He also resembles it.”

But Nell wouldn’t be swayed. “Then the EPA is wrong. Or they’re lying.”

“I still don’t know what you want me to do.”

“You’re a lawyer.”

“Yes, in New York. I’m not licensed to practice here, and the mayor came by my cabin and told me the town has a ban on practicing lawyers within the city limits. I don’t think that’s legal, but if I bring it up to a judge, I might be taken out of town, so it’s a good play.”

Nell frowned. She was a sweet-looking thing, Nell Flanders, but Gemma wasn’t fooled. There was a ruthless determination behind all her syrupiness. And besides, syrup stuck to everything, clinging and making even skin difficult to clean. “Enjoy the muffin. I have to make my rounds and then Henry and I have a protest scheduled for noon. The Stop ’n’ Shop is trying to evict a long-term resident for absolutely no reason. I have to stop it. See you tomorrow.”

Nell walked out, and Cam smiled at her. “It’s going to be a fun afternoon. She’s talking about a raccoon, you know. It’s been living in the men’s room. No one actually goes into the men’s room at the Stop ’n’ Shop because it’s supposed to be haunted, but now the raccoon has reached mating age and they get downright nasty, if you know what I mean.”

She didn’t. She didn’t understand a damn thing in this place. And she hated the way little Mikayla’s eyes seemed to be staring up at her. She put the picture in the top drawer of her desk along with Billy Sims, aged eight with leukemia, a fourteen-year-old named Sandy who needed a kidney transplant, and two twins with bad asthma. All from Calvin Township. All within two miles of the Tremon Industries plant.

“Why haven’t you thrown those pictures out?” Cam asked, his blue eyes sympathetic.

She couldn’t. Someone had taken those pictures. Someone loved those children. And she couldn’t throw out their smiling faces even though it didn’t mean anything to her own life. It didn’t. She hadn’t caused the problem. And she couldn’t solve it. “I’m worried Nell will give me a quiz at the end of the week.”

Cam snorted and reached for the muffin. She’d been tossing them Cam’s way every morning, but she slapped him away this time. Nell had made it for her. And she was hungry. Screw her diet. How many calories could it really be? It was vegan. “Get your own muffin-making stalker.”

Cam frowned but went back to his desk. He glanced out at the street and sighed. “I would argue, but that coffee you make is too damn good. The night shift is complaining, however. They have no idea how to use that monstrosity of a coffeemaker.”

“It’s a beautiful machine. I got it instead of a car.” She couldn’t help but smile. She already really liked working with Nate and Cam. They were the dysfunctional brothers she’d never had. “I’ll bring up the instruction manual and try to show them how before shift change tonight. And why don’t we just hire another deputy? Aren’t those guys really from Creede?”

Cam’s eyes moved toward the empty desk. The one she wasn’t allowed to clean out. The one time she’d tried to go through it, she’d gotten yelled at. They kept that desk like a shrine to the person who used to sit at it. “They’re just filling in on the nights when Nate and I both have off. Sometimes Rafe does it and Rye Harper takes a turn. Logan’s coming back. He just needs some time. He’s on sabbatical.”

Gemma felt her eyebrows creep up. Finally, someone who wasn’t perfectly adjusted. “Where I come from, a sabbatical means someone’s gone a little crazy.”

Cam’s face went cold, and Gemma knew she’d stepped into a whole pile of shit. “He’s not crazy. And he’s coming back.” Cam turned, his shoulders locked, dismissal evident.

Yep. She’d screwed up. Now was the time to simply turn back to her work. It wasn’t her fault the deputy had his panties in a wad. She’d made a dumb joke. How was she supposed to know this mysterious Logan person had actually gone crazy and gotten sent away to some sort of rest facility? Cam joked all the time. He made fun of her.

And Gemma could have told him his ears were too big and Cam would have played along. But Cam wouldn’t let her joke about this mysterious Logan. Logan was his friend. Cam protected him even from dumb jokes.

Jesse McCann was a stupid bastard who was having way too much of an effect on her life. She could actually hear him telling her to reach out and apologize, to make things nice between her and Cam again.

Every day he’d shown up at the station house. Twice he’d taken her to Stella’s and eaten lunch with her. Twice he’d shown up and sat in the break room and had a cup of coffee. Once he’d brought her a lunch Cade had cooked. Homemade lasagna that made Cam’s stomach rumble and Nate sniff around asking if there was more. Did Cade know she’d eaten his food? He might not have liked it. He might have been creeped out by the fact that the whole time she’d eaten that delicious lasagna, she’d wondered if he’d cooked it in the buff. She’d had a vision of Cade in an apron with a spatula in his hand, and she’d gotten freaky excited.

Only once had Cade accompanied his partner. They had both shown up with ice cream cones. Chocolate, mint chocolate chip, and rocky road. No vanilla for those boys. They’d given her first pick. They’d sat on the front steps and ate while she and Jesse talked and she and Cade stared at each other.

And Jesse had kept up his eternal lectures on politeness and friendship and damn it, Cam was kind of her friend. She’d worked for years at Giles and Knoxbury and didn’t consider a single person there her friend, but one week in a craptastic jailhouse and she was soft on everyone.

“I, uh, kind of assaulted a woman. That’s why I got fired.” The words were out of her mouth before she could call them back. Apology by way of confession.

Cam turned, a half smile on his face. “I know. I saw the YouTube video. You have a killer left hook, by the way.”

Gemma flushed. “Damn it. I knew that nosy neighbor had a camera. Anyway, all I was trying to say is, I understand the need for a sabbatical. I wasn’t making judgments. I come off that way, but I’m really not. I’ve screwed up enough that I can’t judge anyone. I got put on a seventy-two-hour psych hold. They were just going to take me to jail, but I cried and talked about hanging myself with my Chanel bag and, sure enough, I got three days at Bellevue before they decided I was just neurotic and not crazy.”

There was a little snort from the deputy. “Yeah, we sent Logan to Dallas to get his shit together. He was a little out of control. But he’s going to come back and you’ll like him.”

She probably would. She would, at the very least, understand him. And she envied him. When she’d lost control, she’d lost everything. When Logan had done it, he still had a job and friends waiting on him. And she’d kind of like to meet him. Was she really considering sticking around here? No. But maybe for a while. Maybe she could view Bliss as her psych ward. Take six months and recover and then reclaim her real life. She liked the sound of that. And if she had some raucous sex in the meantime, good for her.

Cam gestured to the front door. “Your other stalker is here. And he’s brought a friend.”

Sure enough, she stood and could see Jesse walking toward the double doors. And Cade was right behind him. Her heart nearly skipped a beat. She had to stop this teenager crush thing she had going. It was silly. She actually wanted to run to the bathroom and make sure her hair was fixed.

Nate came to the door of his office, lazily leaning against the side. “Your friends here again?”

Dear god, he was kind of like her disapproving father. “I didn’t invite them.”

“Yes she did.”

She turned to Cam. “Did not.”

“She did that giggling thing girls do when they’re totally into a guy. And she practically blew her ice cream cone yesterday. It was so gross. She was licking and practically inhaling it.”

She had the strongest urge to smack him. “That’s not true. I just hadn’t had ice cream in a long time. And it wasn’t gross.”

“He wouldn’t have thought it was gross if Laura did it,” Nate pointed out.

“Laura’s hot. Gemma’s, well, she’s Gemma.”

And she’d tried to spare his feelings why? She flipped him the bird. “Screw you, Cam.”

The doors opened at just the perfect moment to have Jesse catch her cussing at Cam while she flipped him off. Jesse’s whole face darkened, his mouth turning down. Cade just shook his head like he’d always known she would be that way.

Nate sighed. “Don’t look at her that way, you two. Cam was being an ass. He deserved it.”

Cam looked back and forth between them. “I can’t help it. I can’t find her hot. She’s like my little sister.”

Jesse’s focus went right to Cam. “Keep it that way.”

Nate leaned over and whispered. “Tell him. He’s going to find out.” Nate had been on her for days to tell Jesse and Cade what was going on. He straightened back up. “You two have her back in an hour.”

Nate walked away. Cam winked her way and then walked off to the break room, leaving her alone with a still-frowning Jesse and Cade. Jesse stared at her, obviously expecting some sort of explanation. Cade just waited as though he’d just been hanging around because she was going to screw up at some point in time.

She felt so stupid. She’d been comfortable all morning long. She was even fine with the little fights with Cam. They felt good, like she was really connecting and finding a weird little place for herself, but now she just felt dumb again. She’d been fooling herself. She couldn’t live up to whatever Jesse seemed to expect from her. She sat back down at her desk and tried to give them a calm smile.

“Was there something I can help you with? I really can’t go out to lunch. I have a lot to do.”

“Nate just said you have an hour.” Jesse loomed over her. She could smell the aftershave he’d used. His face was clean right now, but by afternoon that sexy beard of his would make an appearance. The one time she’d hugged him, his beard had scraped against her skin, a delicious sensation.

But she was already too crazy about him, and when he figured out she wouldn’t get with his game plan, he would move on to a more acceptable female. It was better to get out with her pride intact. “I think I’ll skip lunch today. I have to go through all of Nate’s mail and book his travel for the big conference.”

“You can take an hour, Gemma.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Why?”

He was so frustrating. Most guys would just shrug and move on, but not Jesse McCann. He wanted to talk about it. The man loved to talk. He’d missed his calling. He should have been a shrink. He was always asking her why she felt the way she felt. “I…”

He held a hand out. “You think about what you’re going to say. You give it some real consideration. If you’re about to spit something nasty out, you should know that it won’t go over well. We’ve had a nice week. We’ve been talking and getting to know each other. Let’s not screw it up by you getting pissed off.”

“I’m not the one who was pissed off. You walked in and got mad that Cam and I were teasing each other.”

Jesse leaned over the table, his lean body an instrument of both intimidation and temptation. “You were flipping him off.”

Cade stepped up. “Jeez, Jess, give her a break. Cam can be an asshole. She was fucking with him.”

Jesse turned to Cade. “I want her to start fitting in here. She can’t do that if she flips off everyone who makes her mad.”

A little smile curled Cade’s lips. “I don’t see why not. This town has plenty of cantankerous people.”

Actually, now that she thought about it, it was true. Jesse had said he wanted her to fit into Bliss and that he was trying to help her, but the truth was, he was just trying to make her fit in with his vision of what a woman should be. She felt heavier than before. She hadn’t realized how much she’d looked forward to seeing Jesse every day, and now she had to give him up.

“I really don’t want to go out. You two should find some other idiot to run these games on. I don’t want to have anything to do with all this discipline shit.”

Jesse stared at her for a minute and then turned and walked right out the door. Well, that was easy.

Blinking past an entirely annoying set of tears, she turned back to her laptop. At least it was over. She could go back to concentrating on what was important. Doing her job, and finding a way to get back to her real life. This whole relationship stuff was way too rough.

“Discipline shit?”

She nearly groaned. Why hadn’t he left with his friend? He hadn’t been happy to be around her at all. He should be thrilled. “Go away.”

“You would like that, wouldn’t you?”

She turned her eyes up, looking into his way too perfect face. “Yes. I would like it if you would leave.”

“Damn it.” His fingers came out, catching a tear. “Don’t do this to me, Wells. You’re the tough bitch. Stay the tough bitch.”

She slapped his hand away. She could do that for him. “Get out of here, Cade. Go follow your friend.”

He turned to walk off. The door slammed behind him, and she was blissfully alone.

Which was where she should have been all along. With a deep breath, she turned back to her work, thankful that Cam and Nate weren’t around to see what a fool she’d made of herself.

Cade nearly stormed out the door, pausing in between the inner and outer doors to catch his breath. She was everything he’d thought she was. Bitchy. Career obsessed. Self-centered. A little vulgar.

The last part didn’t bother him a bit. He kind of liked her smart mouth. He often thought some of the women Jesse picked up were a little dull since they never talked back. He wanted a little bit of brat in his woman.

And she wasn’t really self-centered. The couple of times he’d sat and listened to her, she’d had real conversations with Jesse. She had talked about the world and her mom and what books she’d been reading. She’d listened to Jesse, allowing him to change her mind about a few things. She was stubborn, but she wasn’t stupid about it. When Jesse had a good argument, she’d followed him. When he didn’t, she’d told him what she thought, challenged him. Hell, she’d talked about some things that had gone over Cade’s head and he’d found himself looking the issue up on the Internet so he could keep up. He wasn’t dumb. He just hadn’t had a reason to keep himself informed.

Fuck all. He liked her. And that whole episode with Jesse just didn’t ring true, damn it. He’d watched her. She’d been a little horrified that he’d found her flipping Cam the bird. Cade had flipped Cam the bird on more than one occasion. The guy could be a dick, but he was just having fun. Cade thought it was actually a good thing that Cam was fucking around with Gemma. It meant she was starting to find her place. But Jesse overreacted.

And allowed his temper to flare.

Cade looked out and Jesse was standing at the street corner, his body a complete study in tension. Jesse didn’t allow himself to lose his temper. He kept it under rigid control. But sometimes that temper was on a hair trigger, and Jesse had shown signs of it all week long. He’d been testy, on edge. The only time he’d been his calm, serene self was when he was around Gemma, as though she had some magical effect on him.

And then she’d spit bile his way. But he was pretty sure Jesse had taken that all wrong. That single tear on her cheek was gnawing at Cade’s insides.

Gemma Wells put on a good front, but what if that front hid the softer woman on the inside?

He wasn’t going to do it. This was his out. He would walk right out there and commiserate with Jesse on what a close call he’d had. He’d call his friend Ty and they could meet him at the Elk Creek Lodge for a few drinks, and before long they would have a nice safe woman between them and Jesse’s cares would melt away. They would go on the way they always had. Sooner or later the shine would fade off this town, and they would hop on their bikes and drive away.

Yes. He would do that.

Except his goddamn traitor feet weren’t listening to his brain. He turned and marched right back inside.

Only to catch her dabbing at her eyes.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Cade spat the question. “He’s been nothing but nice to you and you just treated him like crap.”

“Do we have a problem here, son?” Nate Wright loomed in the doorway, his eyes narrowed.

Gemma flushed. “No. No. Not at all. I just didn’t want to go to lunch.”

“I don’t like the tone of your voice, Sinclair.” Nate ignored Gemma, using that lawman look on Cade. He wasn’t that much older than Cade, but Nate Wright reeked of authority.

Gemma stood, her mouth a flat line. “He was just leaving, Sheriff. Don’t worry about it. I can handle him.”

She walked around her desk and took him by the elbow, trying to lead him out.

Cade wasn’t sure he wanted to be led out.

“Please. Please don’t make a scene.” Gemma looked up at him with those big blue eyes. They were shining with tears again. She was trying to hold it together. Cade could see that plainly.

So Jesse was freaked out at the street corner and Gemma was hanging on by her nails. When had he become the goddamn go-between? He allowed Gemma to drag him along. When they got to the small space between the inner and outer doors, she turned on him.

“Please go away. I don’t need to get fired again. I like this job. I don’t want to have to go around begging for another one.”

What the hell? “You think Nate was mad at you?”

She sniffled a little. “I think Nate likes to run a tight ship and my personal life was causing him trouble.”

How fucked up had her life been before? “He was pissed at me because of the way I was talking to you. He was trying to protect you, Gemma. He wasn’t going to fire you, but he might have roughed me up a little.”

She stopped and looked back through the windows. Sure enough, Nate was still watching them. “I don’t know.”

“I do. I know a protective brother when I see one. I say ‘brother’ because he might beat the shit out of me if I used the word ‘father figure.’” He couldn’t help himself. He reached out and held her arms, rubbing up and down, forcing her attention back to him. “Tell me what’s going on. I don’t mean between you and Cam. That was the two of you playing. Tell me why you said what you did to Jesse.”

“He doesn’t want me.”

Cade groaned. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Do you know what he planned for you today? A picnic. It’s going to be too cold next week, so he has a real nice spread laid out in the park.”

She shook her head. “You don’t understand. He doesn’t want me. The real me.”

He crowded her just a little. They were too close. There wasn’t a lot of room. He could feel the heat of her body, smell the citrus shampoo she’d used. She was wearing a white button-up shirt, but it was thin and he could see her nipples, chafing against the cold—or responding to him? “Who’s the real Gemma?”

She swallowed once, her eyes on his chest. “What you said before. I’m a bitch.”

And he was a loser. If he went by what some of his other girlfriends had said. He didn’t want to understand Gemma, but he did. Maybe even better than Jesse. He put a hand out and forced her to look up at him, tugging her chin up. “I think you hide behind that term a whole lot.”

A bitter smile tugged her lips up. “You’re wrong. I really am. I don’t always say the right things. Hell, I almost never think the right things. I liked flipping Cam off. I can’t be this perfect, polite lady Jesse wants, and it’s just going to hurt us both if I try. I have the sweetest mother you can imagine. Always courteous. Always nice. I have no idea where I came from. So please, just leave me alone.”

“Tell me you don’t want him.”

Those eyes slid away from him again. “I don’t want him.”

Top her when she lies. Jesse had been drilling it into him. He’d never had the taste for dominating a woman the way Jesse did, but it roared to life with Gemma. He forced her chin up, looking her straight in the eyes. “I don’t like it when you lie.”

A little fire leapt in those blue orbs. “I don’t like it when you talk.”

“Are you going to like when I spank your ass?”

Her face heated up. “Nate is still watching.”

Damn. Jesse had been right. She was interested. And his cock was hard as a rock, harder than it had been in months. All for her. Gemma Wells was like a weed, wrapping herself around him, strangling out the voices that told him why this was a terrible idea. And he suddenly didn’t give a fuck that the sheriff was watching. The sheriff needed to stay out of this. “Let him watch. He can handle Callie his way, and I’ll handle you in mine. Now tell me again. This time try not to lie.”

“I want him. I just don’t think it can work.”

“Why?” He could give her a thousand reasons, but he was interested in what she thought.

Her hands played at his waist and then she seemed to force them to her sides. “Because I can’t be the woman he wants. It’s not fair of him to try to change me. And I don’t really want anything serious.”

“Because you don’t want to get serious with men like us?”

“Because I’m not good for anyone. Damn it, Cade, I don’t have a job and I don’t have any prospects for one. Brush off whatever fucking chip is sitting on your shoulder. I don’t care what you do for a living. I want someone who wants me, but that’s neither you nor Jesse. You don’t want me at all and he wants some perfectly polite princess.”

“Don’t want you? You think I don’t want you?” He could put that rumor to rest. He pressed her against the wall, grinding his pelvis against hers. His cock swelled, the close heat of her body perfectly torturous.

She was forced to hold on to him now. Her hands clutched at his waist as she tried to stare down at the place where their bodies touched. “Why? You don’t even like me.”

“I don’t have to like a woman to want her. And I don’t hate you, Gemma. I’m a little scared of you. You think you’re not good for anyone? God, baby, you have no idea. Does this whole thing have to be so damn serious?”

She shook her head, licking at her bottom lip like she was staring at some dessert she really wanted a bite of. “No. It doesn’t. It can just be fun, right?”

Keep it light. Don’t fall for her. He might be able to have her, if he followed the rules. He pressed in, enjoying the feel of her against him. She was so much smaller, but her breasts were plump and round. “We can have a lot of fun, you and me and Jesse. You just have to talk to him. Tell him what you want.”

A hard voice broke through the tension. Jesse stood in the doorway, looking in. “I think I can tell what she wants. A little fast sex, Gemma? I hope that’s what you want because it’s all Cade is going to offer. That’s all he offers any woman. I’m the one who takes care of our women. He just fucks.”

Cade rolled his eyes and reluctantly pulled away from Gemma. “Good to know you have a high opinion of me.”

Jesse shook his head. “It’s true and you know it.”

Gemma was right back to her ice-princess self, all that hot and flustery anticipation gone in the wake of Jesse’s judgmental eyes. “I’m going back to work. You’ll both understand if I would prefer to not see you again.”

She started for the door. Cade was about to reach out for her, but Jesse was faster. He pulled Gemma to him, his eyes hard as he looked down at her. Cade glanced back and now both Nate and Cam were watching.

“Careful, she has a couple of protectors,” Cade pointed out.

Jesse just frowned. “They better not come between us. You need to make it plain to those men in there that we’re involved. You haven’t told them, have you, baby?”

“We’re not involved. I think you just made that plain.”

Jesse softened a little. “I was being a jealous asshole. And I’m sorry. You were playing around with Cam. I took it the wrong way. Then I walked back in to apologize and you were close to Cade and you told him you just wanted sex. I could give you more, Gemma. Give me a chance. I am sorry about walking out. It was a dumb thing to do. I got mad and I had to step away. Forgive me.”

He put his forehead against hers, and she calmed down. “It just won’t work.”

But her hands came up to cup his face. Cade felt a brutal jealousy take root in his gut. She’d rubbed against him, gotten all hot, but she showed Jesse real tenderness.

Probably because you’ve never been anything but an asshole to her. You’re lucky she talks to you. You can get your shit together and figure this thing out or those two are going to leave you in the dust.

“Give it a chance.” Jesse hugged her close. “We’ll be at Trio tonight. If you want to make a date of it, I’ll be waiting.”

Cade couldn’t stand it. He hated being on the outside. He fucking hated the fact that she wasn’t looking at him. Damn it all, he’d fought it for a week, but he did want her. “I’ll be there, too.”

She finally looked his way, a half smile on her face. “Will you?”

Jesse nodded, never taking his eyes off her. “He will. He’ll screw up again, but you’ll see, he’s going to come around. We can give you what you need. Think about it. I hope I’ll see you tonight. If you want to make the first move, come to me. If you want me to handle it, stand by the jukebox and I’ll know you’re ready.”

“I don’t know if I should.”

Cade watched them. They looked good together. Gemma softened around Jesse. Jesse lit up around her. What was he doing?

“Don’t think. Just show up.” Jesse turned to Cade. “I’m going to go clean up. I’ll see you at home.”

Gemma looked miserable as she turned and walked back in.

He was left alone, with his best friend walking one way and Gemma walking the other.

He looked back in to see Cam and Nate beginning to surround her. They would be friends to her. Jesse was wrong about that. She was fitting in just nicely. Maybe even better than Cade had since he’d really held himself apart, allowing Jesse to make connections and befriend people. Cade just followed. Cade had dragged Jesse all over the damn country, and every time Jesse made a home for them and then Cade forced them to take off again.

He was the one who shouldn’t show up tonight. He glanced back in as Gemma waved the men off and sat back down at her desk. Did she even have a lunch with her? He’d sent one with Jesse on the days he’d met her here. He’d fried chicken for today’s lunch, just the way Nancy had taught him. He’d thought about Gemma the whole time he’d done it. Usually he just thought about Nancy and his mother when he cooked, both gone, both because he’d been irresponsible.

He didn’t deserve Gemma. Hell, he didn’t deserve Jesse.

But he still went to the park, helped Jesse pick up, and he quietly marched back to the sheriff’s office. It took fifteen minutes, but when Laura Niles walked in, he handed her the cooler and asked her to make sure Gemma got her lunch.

Then he walked back to the shop and got to work.