Chasing Paradise

Chapter 7

It took all his willpower to wait until she came through the front door of his house before pouncing. Not seeing Gwen for almost a week had been pure torture. When she’d called from the road, letting him know she and Alyssa were almost to town, he’d rushed home, needing to see her the second she arrived at his place. No, their place. Now that his mate was here, his wolf was done waiting.

The past few days, he’d been irritable to such an extreme his family and friends had avoided him like the plague. Jason and Danny had even kicked him out of the office yesterday because they couldn’t take his brooding anymore. The reason was the absence of the doe-eyed woman in front of him. He never wanted to be separated from her again. As soon as the door closed behind her, nothing stood in his way.

Pulling Gwen firmly against him, Ethan claimed her mouth in a scorching kiss, his hips grinding against hers through their clothing. As her arms reached up and circled his neck, pulling herself flush against his body, a small whimper of need escaped her and Ethan’s control snapped.

His claws tore the clothes from her body as his mouth continued to plunder hers. He released her lips only once they were both naked.

“Are you ready for me, Gwen? I can’t wait much longer.”

“I’m ready. I can’t wait, either.” Her breath fell hot against his shoulder as he thrust into her welcoming heat. She arched her back, pushing her chest into him at the invasion, but her moan told him she was just as wrapped up in the pleasure as he was.

Knowing he wasn’t going to last long, Ethan leaned over Gwen and covered the small mating scar on her shoulder with his mouth.

She must have sensed his intent, tilting her head to the side to give him better access to her throat. The desperation in her moans matched the thrumming in his blood, and Ethan knew he was on the brink of a powerful explosion. There was only one way to guarantee she came with him.

The sting in his gums signaled the emergence of his canines, allowing him to bite down on the small scar on Gwen’s shoulder, reopening the wound and strengthening the bond between them.

Intense pleasure flooded him as the connection between them deepened. Briefly, he wondered if it would always be this intense or if eventually, they’d grow used to the extreme rapture. Just being in her presence was enough to bring him joy.

He thought about his parents, married for thirty-four years and still making puppy-dog eyes at each other when they thought no one was watching. Judging from their example, he knew he would never become fully desensitized.

Seeing his parents so in love used to make him uncomfortable, but thinking about it now, he completely understood. He gazed down at the woman he loved, and swept a lock of hair from her cheek. Looking at Gwen made him understand, even if she did hold him at arm’s length.

He frowned as he pondered the problems in their relationship. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be with his mate, so tense and removed. It wasn’t that she was cold. The sex was great. More like amazing. But sex wasn’t everything. Two weeks ago he never would’ve believed those thoughts would come from him, but a lot had changed in two weeks.

The sex allowed Ethan a glimpse at the real Gwen. The woman she deliberately kept hidden from him. What he saw stunned him in her brilliance, but she refused to allow him more than a glimpse. Already, he felt the barriers rising between them. The pain as the bond was blocked almost caused him to yelp. He was determined to scale those walls, no matter what it took.

“Gwen,” Ethan whispered, lowering his forehead to hers and steadying her hips with his hands. “What happened? Why are you hiding from me?” His heart nearly broke when she stiffened in his arms. “Don’t. Don’t run. Just tell me what’s wrong. Tell me how to fix this. Why won’t you open up?”

Blinking away the tears that threatened to fall, Gwen examined the ceiling. He seemed so sincere. The words were everything she ever wanted to hear, but the emotion in them couldn’t be real. She knew Ethan didn’t love her. Had heard the words straight from his mouth. Still, his heartfelt request made her second-guess everything she thought she’d heard. Shaking her head, Gwen firmed her resolve. Forgetting would only lead to illusions and eventually more heartbreak.

She looked up into his eyes, as he patiently waited for her response. How much should she reveal? Should she tell him everything she’d heard back at the resort or should she keep quiet?

Obviously he knew something bothered her. What was the big deal in telling him the truth? He couldn’t leave her now any more than she could leave him. Happy or not, they were tied together forever.

What held her back? Her stupid sense of pride? In the end, what was more prideful, being miserable and holding everything in or admitting to knowing the facts and being strong enough to deal with them?

Gwen stared into Ethan’s eyes, so close to her own. The intensity in their depths only enhanced his good looks. And didn’t that just figure. If only he cared for her even a little bit, she would be the happiest woman alive.

She really wasn’t being fair. She was his mate, after all. They were now linked, his soul entwined with hers. He would protect her and keep her safe. But he would never care for her the way a man cared for a woman he loved. And that was just something she’d have to work toward accepting. Things could be a lot worse and the more she remembered that the happier she’d be.

Sure, many people might think a mating was deeper than love, and in some ways they’d be right. Mating did deepen the bond between two people who loved each other. But Gwen understood what many shifters never would. Mating without love, without even the potential for love, was an empty shell of what could be.

Taking a deep breath, Gwen prepared to tell all. Holding herself back from her mate was downright painful, and Gwen didn’t want to do it anymore. She didn’t need him as her best friend. She had Lyssa to share her thoughts and dreams with. But she needed to feel comfortable around him, and she never would with this secret between them.

“I heard you back at the resort. I know how you feel about me. I thought if I left, we wouldn’t be forced into a mating we didn’t want.” Gwen laughed. The empty sound mocked her as it echoed off the walls. “I guess my plan didn’t work out so well.”

“Gwen, what are you talking about? I don’t know what you think you heard, but I think chasing you halfway across the country should prove how much I wanted this. Isn’t this what you want, too?”

Needing to put some space between them, Gwen wiggled, trying to get away, but he held her firmly in place.

“I need some space, Ethan. And I don’t really want to have this conversation naked.”

“Oh?” He sounded mildly interested as if they were discussing the weather. “I can’t think of a better way to have this conversation. I think I’m going to keep you here until I know exactly what’s going on between us.” A hard edge entered his voice, and Gwen knew he meant exactly what he said. The alpha wolf putting his foot down. She wasn’t getting up until she revealed everything. And talking about this wasn’t going to be any easier in an hour.

Exhaling in frustration, she clenched her hands to her side. It was going to be much harder admitting everything with him so close and still inside her. As if reading her thoughts, Ethan stiffened inside her.

“Uh, Ethan?”

“Ignore it. We’re not moving until you tell me what you think you overheard.”

An inhuman hiss slipped past her lips but she knew it was useless to fight. Reluctantly, she continued. She knew he would stay true to his promise and keep them here until she admitted everything. Unable to look into his eyes while so vulnerable, Gwen gazed over his shoulder as she spoke.

“I heard you in the bar after you left my room that first night. I went down to find you, to see if you wanted to get breakfast together, and I overheard you talking about how you didn’t want a woman like me, an otter of all things, as your mate. I heard you talk about wanting a cheetah or a jaguar.” Gwen’s voice hardened with determination. “But you know what, you got me. You may not love me, and that’s okay, but we are mated, so I think it would be best if we at least try to be friends, or friendly.” Gwen finally brought herself to look into his eyes and was dismayed by the horror she saw reflected there.

“Don’t worry. I’ll have my own life. Alyssa is here and I’m starting my own business, so I shouldn’t get in your way much. But there’s no reason why we can’t get along.” Gwen stumbled to a halt, not sure what else she should say. Ethan was looking more horrified by the second. Was being friends with her really so bad?

Please God, let him not have been this big of an idiot. How had he been stupid enough to say those things? He hadn’t meant a word of it. Even at the time, it had been aimed to convince himself, not to deny what Gwen was to him. Gwen was everything he wanted in a mate and more. Intelligent, beautiful, and sweet. He’d been excited by the prospect of getting to know her better, of affection sliding into love during the next few weeks. Now it appeared he’d have to work just to get out of the hole he’d dug for himself first.

Thinking about all the hurt he’d caused with his careless rejection killed him. Despite her prideful bravado, it was obvious Gwen carried wounds inside. As she stared up at him, he saw the uncertainty she tried to hide. How could he have done this to his mate? More importantly, what could he do or say to fix it?

Keeping a tight grip on Gwen, Ethan sat up and shifted his precious bundle until she was curled on his lap. She held herself rigid against him as he ran his hands up and down her back soothingly.

“Gwen, oh pet, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of it. I didn’t think I was ready for a mate, but, Gwen, I was wrong. Leaving your room was the worst mistake of my life. Please believe me when I tell you that you are perfect. You’re everything I dreamed my mate would be and more.”

“Except I’m not a jaguar.” The whisper was so soft, Ethan wouldn’t have heard it without his extra-sensitive wolf hearing. Her pain bled into her voice and scent. Knowing he was the cause destroyed him. He was supposed to be her rock, her partner. When the rest of the world hurt her, he was supposed to be the one she ran to, the one to set it right. He’d failed before he even started.

Whatever he had to do to fix this, he would, he silently vowed to himself. His mate would know what an amazing woman he thought she was. Never again would she doubt for one moment that she was the very center of his world.

“Gwen, what can I do to convince you I didn’t mean what I said? Please, I’ll do anything. I don’t want a jaguar or a coyote. All I want is you.”

As her shoulders straightened, Ethan knew it would take more to convince her of his sincerity. “It’s okay, Ethan. Like I said, I think we should come to an understanding. I would like to consider you a friend.” The walls were back in place. He could feel their solid bulk between them. Nothing more was going to be gained tonight. His hasty denial of her had struck too deep for him to overcome it by mere words. He needed to prove his devotion.

At least now he understood what had complicated his mating so badly. He had no one to blame but himself.

One way or another, he’d fix this. He’d spend the rest of his life showing her exactly how special he thought she was. Eventually, she’d have to believe him. He just had to wear down her resistance.

No wonder Ethan hadn’t wanted to mate with her if these were the types of females he surrounded himself with. Gwen couldn’t help but gape as she took in the women in the room.

This was supposed to be an intimate welcome to the pack at the Premier’s house for her and Alyssa. Only Ethan’s siblings were present but every one of them was stunning.

The Premier’s mate was a petite woman with long white-blond hair. Elegance and grace were evident in every move she made, but her smile was warm and welcoming. Gwen had been a bit surprised to discover Samantha was an arctic fox. After all, foxes weren’t too far up the food chain from otters. And she was mated to the Premier no less. But the pair seemed happy, which just led to all sorts of questions. If Ethan didn’t get his prejudice from his family, where had it come from?

His two sisters were equally friendly but equally intimidating. Julie, who was apparently on break from school but leaving in just a few days, was arguably the prettiest of the group. Her delicate bone structure and long wavy chestnut hair created an elusive beauty. But despite her big smile and welcoming eyes, a sadness lurked in their depths. Her siblings didn’t seem to notice, but Gwen sensed a comparable sadness to her own and couldn’t help but wonder at the cause. Samantha seemed to be the only other one to sense Julie’s pain, which wasn’t terribly surprising since foxes tended to be hypersensitive to emotions. Hopefully Julie’s pain would shield her own from the Premier’s mate.

Gwen hadn’t realized Julie was related to Ethan at first, even though they shared the same earthy coloring and bone structure. Her scent indicated Julie was full human and although not unheard of, shifters rarely gave birth to full humans, even when one parent was one. The shifter gene was dominant, and infused much of the DNA.

Laurie didn’t have her sister’s abstract beauty, but she radiated strength and confidence, drawing Gwen’s eye to her again and again. She had a statuesque grace that undoubtedly served her well with the opposite sex.

And his brothers! If her romp ever saw these wolves, no work would ever get done. All three men looked like they belonged on the cover of magazines, not running a software company in the-middle-of-nowhere Colorado.

Thank God Alyssa was here with her. She needed the reinforcement and support. Meeting her mate’s family was hard enough. Seeing how gorgeous they all were didn’t help settle her nerves.

“So, Gwen, share! I want to hear all about how you met Ethan. I must say, it was a bit of a shock.” Samantha began the quizzing after they were all seated at the dinner table. Gwen tried to find judgment in Ethan’s sibling’s eyes but only saw friendliness and genuine interest.

“It’s not a very interesting story, really. My romp owns the resort Ethan vacationed at. I ran into him there and, well, you know how hard it is to resist your mate once you find him.”

Ethan’s hand rested on her thigh and slowly stroked up and down soothingly. His touch steadied her even as she tried to resist the comfort it offered.

Looking into his eyes, she saw openness and caring. Almost as if she meant something to him. No, he gazed at her as if she meant everything to him.

Shaking her head, she looked back at Samantha. Believing such nonsense would only hurt her in the end. Of course he was trying to be supportive after throwing her, quite literally, into the wolves den. She couldn’t allow her imagination to get carried away.

“Couldn’t resist each other, huh? Must’ve made for one interesting night.” Laurie’s frank reply caused Gwen to blush. The rest of her family groaned.

“Laurie, are you setting out to embarrass all of our mates when they arrive?” Jason asked.

Laurie waved away his concern.

“The good news is, you all can get some revenge soon. Her mate is showing up next.” Danny wagged his eyebrows at Laurie across the table.

“Whoa, wait a minute, who said I’m next?”

“Well, Jason’s oldest, Ethan’s second oldest, and then comes you. Only logical to think you’d be the next in line.”

“Nope, it’ll skip me. Guess that means you’re next, Danny Boy, so don’t get too comfortable.” Their teasing reminded her of home and her romp, bringing a smile to her face. It reassured her as nothing else could have, even if all the mating talk was making her a bit uncomfortable. Glancing around the table, Gwen noticed Julie seemed as uncomfortable as she was, especially whenever Laurie mating was mentioned. Curious.

“What about you Alyssa? Are you hoping to follow Gwen and find a wolf mate?”

The conversation buzzed around her but Gwen focused on her plate. When the conversation moved on to safer topics, she breathed a sigh of relief. Talking about her relationship with Ethan left her feeling tense and strung out. Pretending they were a happily mated couple was especially hard around his family, whose happiness for them seemed so genuine. Every question, no matter how innocent, left her heart hurting.

After dinner, the women all retired to the living room while the men cleaned up the kitchen. Gwen watched Jason place a loving kiss on top of Samantha’s head. It was obvious throughout the evening how much the Premier doted on his mate. He had been attentive, and their love was a palpable thing in the room whenever he looked at her, adoration shining in his eyes.

She sighed wistfully. “It’s obvious to see how much Jason loves you, Samantha. You’re very lucky.”

Four sets of eyes turned on her. Alyssa’s held sympathy but the others were full of confusion.

“Yes, but you have Ethan,” Samantha responded frankly. Her shrewd gaze bore into Gwen, causing her to fidget in her seat.

“Well, yes…it’s just…different for us…” She stuttered to a stop. Somehow she’d managed to back herself into a corner. She couldn’t explain their problems to his family.

“How is it different?” Laurie asked. Her eyes were still warm but there was a sharp curiosity in them, and Gwen knew she’d have to say something. She also knew Ethan’s sisters wouldn’t hesitate to defend him if she wasn’t careful. The last thing she needed was to make enemies on her first night in her new home, and certainly not with her mate’s family. Trying to think fast, Gwen wondered what she could say to get out of this mess.

“Well, you know.” All of them continued to stare at her.

“Samantha, why don’t you tell us about your wedding. Gwen and I…” Alyssa started.

“Later.” Laurie cut in. Alyssa threw Gwen an apologetic look as her three sisters-in-law, or in-mating, turned their attention back on her. She fidgeted in her seat, knowing it was futile to try to escape their stares.

“I’m an otter, and you know how Ethan feels.” Gwen hoped her words would satisfy them, but the women shook their heads, making her elaborate. “He wanted a predator for a mate. He said he wouldn’t have chosen an otter.” Now the gazes held one thing, shock.

“Ethan would never say that. Gwen, you must have misunderstood.” The other females nodded, echoing the sentiment.

She shrugged uncomfortably. “Yeah, I guess.” Of course Ethan’s family would think only the best of him. She should never have said anything to begin with. Berating herself for letting her guard down, she reminded herself how dangerous opening up was, especially to wolves. Ethan had taught her that lesson but apparently not well enough. She needed to watch her words more carefully from now on.

Luckily, Alyssa filled the uncomfortable silence and helped steer the conversation to the upcoming wedding and Gwen found herself agreeing to be a bridesmaid.

It was easy to like Ethan’s family. They were warm and welcoming and didn’t seem to judge her on either her animal or her earlier misstep. Samantha had even mentioned the possibility of a “girls night out,” but Jason had popped his head into the living room from the kitchen and given Samantha a quelling glare. Gwen didn’t understand until Laurie told her about their last girls night. Something about drunken skinny-dipping in the town fountain.

Still, the stress of the evening and the attentive way Ethan acted, confusing Gwen more than she’d ever admit, was starting to wear on her. No one seemed to notice Gwen didn’t talk much as she retreated into her shell. At least she didn’t think anyone noticed.

Ethan watched Gwen surreptitiously rub her neck again. He had hoped seeing his family, having them give her a warm reception, would put her at ease. Instead, she seemed drained by the whole thing. He tried giving her his undivided attention and saw confusion enter her eyes again and again. Hopefully, he was getting through to her but he knew he had a long climb ahead of him to earn back her trust. It would take more than a night or two of attentiveness to prove his love. He just hoped he was putting a dent in the wall she’d built up.

It broke his heart to hear Gwen talk about mating him with such hurt in her voice. The men heard the whole painful conversation from the kitchen where Ethan and his brothers had been cleaning. The wistfulness as she talked about Jason’s love for Samantha made him physically ache. Whenever he’d imagined finding his mate, he’d thought he would sweep her off her feet. Instead he’d pushed her to the ground trying to run away. He was the biggest idiot in the world for not treating Gwen like the goddess she was from the very beginning. For the thousandth time, he wondered how to fix this. Looking over, Ethan saw both his brothers staring at him angrily.

“What’s going on with you two? She watches you like someone watches a coiled snake, and why does she think you don’t want an otter as a mate?”

With a sigh, Ethan rubbed his hands over his face. He had hoped to keep the full extent of his stupidity from his family. Not that he blamed Gwen for saying what she did. He knew it wasn’t done with malicious intent. She’d even left out the worst parts. It was still hard to believe he had hurt her as badly as he had.

Staring up into his brothers’ angry faces, he wondered once again how to fix things. Maybe it was best to tell his family. He needed all the help he could get. And he knew, after their anger abated–and he had no doubt there would be anger–his family would help him climb out of the mess he created and get back on track.

“I screwed up. I didn’t want a mate, and when I met Gwen, after I’d already slept with her, I denied she meant anything to me. I might’ve said something about wanting to mate a jaguar or a coyote in my denial. She happened to overhear the conversation and it’s caused a huge rift in our relationship. Nothing I say seems to penetrate her distrust.”

Both brothers started talking at once. They kept their voices down so the women wouldn’t hear, but their fury bled through their whispers.

“Are you fucking brain-dead?”

“That woman is sweet and smart and absolutely adorable. Why would you not want her?”

Ethan had never seen his brothers so angry. Jason looked ready to take him out back and beat him to a pulp, and Danny, usually the calm one of the group, looked ready to hold Ethan down rather than help him.

“I am fucking brain-dead. I never said I wasn’t. I screwed up and I screwed up bad, but I’m trying to make it up to her now. I just don’t know how to take those words away. She doesn’t believe me when I tell her how much she means to me.”

Collapsing into one of the kitchen chairs, Ethan put his head in his hands and groaned out in frustration. He didn’t need his family getting on his case. What he needed was their help. He knew exactly how badly he’d screwed up.

“What am I supposed to do? She means the world to me. Already I can feel the bond between us. It’s like she’s a part of me now. But she won’t let me get close enough to fix this.” There was a long silence and Ethan felt the heated gaze of both brothers as they silently assessed him.

“Well, sounds to me like you have to woo her. Don’t just tell her, show her,” Danny suggested after a lengthy pause.

“I don’t know how.” Ethan had never “wooed” a woman before in his life. They’d always sought out his attention. It figured his charm would disappear when it was most important.

“Well, sounds to me, baby brother, we need to come up with a game plan.” Jason’s wide grin reassured Ethan. Operation Woo Gwen was underway. And with his brothers’ help, she didn’t stand a chance of resisting. He wouldn’t fail. This was too important.