Crashed

CHAPTER 44

1 year later

You’re late. Who do you think you are, the bride or something?

It’s all the text says and I laugh as I try to type a text back but can’t because my hands are shaking. I can’t steady them and yet I need to. If my mom walks in she’s going to think I’m nervous. She’s going to think I have doubts and that my feet are getting cold.

And that’s the farthest thing from the truth.

Because I am so ready to dive in headfirst. So excited to see him, to kiss him, to become officially his, I’m bouncing up and down with excitement. My stomach churns because I can’t wait to see his face—the best part of a wedding I think—when he’ll see me for the first time.

I look down at my phone and reply. I can be late if I want to. It’s my wedding. Rule number one. The bride—the wife—is always right. Non-negotiable.

I look out the window of our bedroom to the deck below and take in the tropical paradise the terrace has been transformed into. Our close family and friends are milling around, the boys are all dressed in matching tuxedos, ushering them to their seats.

I enjoy this quiet moment away from the frenzy that ruled my morning and the chaos I know will ensue shortly. My last few moments as Rylee Thomas. Dressed in white—every ounce of me ruched and inlayed and princessed to perfection—with one simple exception that I refused to budge on.

I look in the mirror at the black and white checkered sash that wraps around my waist and falls down the back of my dress. My little ode to Colton and our private joke.

My phone dings. Already giving rules and we’re not even married yet? A certain wife just might need to be fucked into submission later. My rule number one: You can have any rule you want, baby, but in the bedroom I’m the one making the rules.

I laugh, my body already strung so tight with need that I know his simple touch will set me off. I smirk, thinking of the checkered flag theme that’s carried over to my undergarments and the groan I’ll hear when Colton discovers it later. And I’m so desperate for that part, considering I’ve not let him touch me for the past month, regardless of how much he begged and pleaded. But when I decided to screw my own rules—give in to my own desire of wanting him to make love to him, he rejected me. “Welcome to the big leagues” his preferred comment of choice.

Ace, you already dominate my mind, heart, and soul … in the bedroom’s just an added bonus. Besides, since when do you follow rules?

I hit send as I breathe in deeply and smile at my reflection. Hair swept up with loose curls falling haphazardly, eyes bright and without doubt, so ready to walk down the aisle to the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. My gaze catches the glimmer of the wedding traditions I’m wearing. And I pick my phone back up.

I love my gift. You didn’t have to. Thank you. Can’t wait to see you. I go to hit send and then stop myself, needing to tell him in our way. So I add to the text, Unconditionally, Katy Perry.

Tears blur my vision as I think of him and run my fingers over the bracelet around my wrist. The gift he left for me on my dresser. When I opened it my mom’s brow furrowed, but I laughed at the alphabet letters linked together with alternating diamonds and sapphires.

My something blue and something new.

My eyes focus on the diamond studs in my ears that my mom wore when she married my dad and I hope we can have a marriage as successful and loving as theirs.

My something old.

My heart aches remembering the look on Had’s face last night when she offered the simple tiara for me to wear. “You’re the only sister I have left now. I’d like for you to wear it.”

My something borrowed.

I close my eyes for a moment, emotions threatening to overwhelm me as I take this all in. As I etch in my brain what this feels like—life changing and yet so full of excitement all at once. And then my mind drifts toward the man I can’t wait to spend my life with. The man who caught me that first day, and despite a few bumps, has never let me fall—except for more in love with him. Every single day.

What is Colton thinking and feeling right now? Is he jittery? Nervous? Does he feel as certain as I do?

My phone alerts me again.

Get used to being spoiled. Not too much longer now. You know how much I love you because I’m handing over my balls momentarily to type the next song title, but fuck if it’s not true –Halo, Beyonce. Whew. Balls back in place now. And hey, there’s a lot of dressed up women down here, how will I know which one is you?

The words to the song hit me the same time as his sarcasm, and I emit a sobbing laugh, my body unsure which emotion it should let rule. And I decide to let them all rule—every single one—because this is a once in a lifetime kind of day.

And because I allow myself to feel everything right now, all I want is him, desperately. I appreciate all of the guests being here, but I couldn’t care less about all of the pomp and circumstance because what matters most is the man that’s going to be waiting for me at the end of the aisle.

I pick up my phone one last time, a soft smile on my face and type, I’ll be the one in white.

The knock on the door pulls me back from my thoughts. “Come in.”

“You ready, sweetheart?”

My mom’s voice tugs at all of the emotions rolling through me, and I have to fight the burn in the back of my throat. I keep telling myself not to cry—that I’ll mess up my makeup—but I know it’s futile. I’ve shed a lifetime of tears over the past three and a half years; I’m entitled to ruin my makeup with tears of joy now.

“Yeah, I am.” I look over at my mom and my lips curve into a soft smile that reflects hers. She holds my gaze, the pride along with a tinge of sadness that she’s letting me go, is evident in her blue eyes. “Don’t start,” I warn her, because I know if she begins crying, so will I.

“I know.” She sniffles and then laughs as places her hands on both sides of my cheeks and stares into my eyes. “He’s the one, Ry. A mother knows these things.” She shakes her head, a soft smile on her face before she answers the question in my eyes. “He dances in the rain with you. That’s how I know.”

I swallow back the tears again as I recall her advice the day we left the hospital. About how life isn’t how you survive the storm, but how you dance in the rain. And if I had any doubt about what I was about to do, it would have vanished in an instant with her simple comment.

Nothing like a mother’s stamp of approval to make my moment that much sweeter.

I’m about to say something when Haddie comes barreling through the door. “Time to fly the flag, baby, because it’s altar time!” she says with a whistle. “Hot damn, woman!”

“Thanks.” I laugh as she and my mom start to gather my dress up and we move toward the staircase, the soft notes of A Thousand Years is being played on an acoustic guitar down below. The words reveal everything I feel about the man waiting for me.

Quinlan gives us the go-ahead from downstairs that signals Colton is in position and can’t see me. My mom and Haddie help me walk down the stairs with my train so I don’t trip and break my ankle. We reach the bottom floor and my mom pulls me into a tight hug before pulling back and smiling at me with so many emotions swimming in her eyes.

“I know,” I whisper to her with a nod as Shane comes to escort her to her seat.

I feel a hand on my arm and turn to find the soft smile of my brother looking so handsome in his tux. Tanner locks eyes with me and just shakes his head. “It’s definitely not dress up at Nana’s house,” he teases, love reflected in his eyes as he reaches out and grabs my hands. “You ready to do this, Bubs?”

I nod my head vigorously, emotion clogging my throat as I think back to when we were little and used to play wedding at our Nana’s house. Gummy lifesavers for wedding rings and stuffed animals for guests. “Never been more ready,” I tell him, kissing him on the cheek as my usually stoic brother’s eyes well up with tears.

“You look stunning.” He shakes his head in disbelief one more time, before placing a soft kiss on my cheek.

“Dad?” I ask, looking over his shoulder for our father.

“Trying to compose himself,” he says with a wink. “It’s not every day you give your baby girl away. He’ll be here in a second.” I nod to him and then he turns to go stand beside Quinlan who’s already a blubbering mess. She meets my eyes and shakes her head, a silent acknowledgment that if we talk right now we’ll both be crying so hard we won’t recover.

“And there’s the woman who’s responsible for hundreds of females crying in their coffee today.” I turn my head to find the man I’ve grown to love over the past year.

“Becks.” It’s all I can say, but the admiration in my tone tells him all he needs to know. I adore him in so many ways, least of all for pushing Colton and me together when all we wanted was to break apart.

“Hey, gorgeous,” he says. “You’ve got time to skip out if you want. His ego’s only going to get bigger after he claims the ultimate prize today.”

My heart squeezes at his words. “Only if you’re driving,” I tease as I take in a deep breath to tame my emotions.

“Nah, he might actually kick my ass for that.” He laughs softly as he pulls me into a hug. “He’s waiting for you,” he whispers into my ear before stepping back and nodding to me.

His words hit their mark as everything around me comes into crystal clear focus. The music. Haddie and Quinlan in their classic black dresses and vibrant bouquets. Tanner rocking on his heels, trying to be patient, but anxiously awaiting the reception so he can take off his bow tie. The strings of the guitar. The hum of everything swirling around me. My heart thundering with anticipation beyond words.

I am so ready for this.

Haddie steps closer, my kick-ass friend has tears in her eyes, and starts to fix my train around me. She finishes and looks at me with a smile. “Just remember, marriage is gonna be tough sometimes. When it is, wear a dress with a zipper up the back.”

I laugh as I look at her like she’s crazy.

“He’ll have to touch you to help you undress and what’s underneath will make him forget whatever it is he’s pissed at.” She raises her eyebrows. “Then will come the best part, make-up sex.” She laughs causing me to roll my eyes.

“Thanks, Had,” I tell her with a shake of my head, because even though I’m sure about what I’m about to do, my stomach’s just dropped to my feet.

“I love you, Ry.” She presses a kiss to my cheek as I bite my lip and nod. “One for luck,” she whispers to me.

“And one for courage,” I whisper back and kiss her cheek in turn, not needing the tequila this time because I’m high enough on emotion as it is.

She starts to walk toward Beckett as Quinlan and Tanner start their walk down the aisle, but stops and turns back. “Hey, Ry?”

“Yeah?”

“Today’s going to go incredibly fast. Everything is going to hit you at a hundred miles an hour. Make sure you stop and take it all in so you can really remember the first day of the rest of your lives together.”

I can’t even breathe I’m trying so hard not to cry right now. I nod and blow out a loud breath, trying to compose myself. Our eyes hold, unspoken words passing between us, before she turns and loops her arms through Becks’ and starts their walk.

I peek around the curtain, wanting to see everything, take it all in, but all my eyes do is search for him. And from where I stand, I can’t see him. So I look over our family and friends. Colton’s crew, my co-counselors, our families fill the chairs and watch as our best friends walk down the aisle together. I catch Dorothea’s eyes, her smile widening as she mouths “gorgeous” to me before nudging Andy. He turns his head immediately and our gazes lock before he nods his head subtly, the expression on his face filled with awe and gratitude.

“You ready, kiddo?”

The voice of the man who I used to compare all men to is behind me, and I know I’m going to lose it. I turn around and stare at my father, so incredibly handsome, and my whole body trembles with the thought that I’ll no longer be his little girl after today. I breathe out a shaky sigh as he looks at me, unable to hide the tears pooling in the corners of his eyes.

“You did good, Ry.” He nods his head, strong chin quivering with emotion.

And my first tear slips down my check after I hear what every little girl wants from their daddy, approval–especially about the person I’ve chosen to spend the rest of my life with.

“Thank you, Dad.” I can’t manage much more without the floodgates opening and I know he feels the same way because we both look away.

Pachelbel’s Canon begins and chills cover my body. That’s my cue. My dad holds his elbow out to me, and I weave my hand through it, holding on one last time. He’ll always be my hero and the one I look to for advice, but it’s time to step toward the man who I’ll make new memories with.

My future.

My once upon a time.

My happily ever after.

“You’ve never looked more beautiful,” he whispers to me as we step into the doorway and my eyes blur with unshed tears. “Your husband is waiting.”

Those bittersweet words—a daddy letting his little girl go—nearly break me as I force a swallow down my throat to keep the waterworks at bay.

I draw in a deep breath and look at the colorful rose petals scattered on the white fabric aisle in front of me. I blink away the moisture from my eyes, because when I raise them to see Colton for the first time, I want this moment to be crystal clear. Unhindered. Perfect.

Just like the love I feel for him.

We take the first step. I hear the rustling of our guests as they strain to see me and hushed murmurs when they do. I hear the violin strings and the click of cameras. I feel my pulse thunder through my veins and feel the trembling in my dad’s arm as we take this most important of walks together. I smell the flowers that litter the terrace mingled with the soft ocean breeze. I try to take it all in, take Haddie’s advice and memorize every single detail.

And above all that, I hear Colton inhale as I come into view, and I can’t wait any longer. Every part of my body is vibrating with anticipation.

I look up.

And my feet move.

But my heart stops. And beats again.

My breath is punched from my lungs as I lock eyes with Colton and take in the stunned look on his face. The man who is always so sure of himself looks like the world has stopped, tilted, and spun off course.

And the funny thing is … it has, starting the minute he caught me in his arms.

Our eyes remain locked. Even when I kiss my dad on the cheek and he shakes Colton’s hand before going to sit with my mom. Even when Colton takes my hands in his and shakes his head with a little chuckle and says, “Nice checkered flag.”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t know which one I was,” I tease and I feel like I can breathe for the first time all day. My heart’s pounding and my hands are shaking, but he’s got me now.

“Baby, I’d know where you are even if I were blind.” And that smile, the one that lights up his eyes and warms my soul, spreads across his lips. I get so lost in his eyes and the unspoken words they’re communicating that I don’t even realize our officiate has begun the ceremony until Colton looks over at her and then back at me. The green of his eyes glisten with emotion, and his smile softens as he stares at me.

“Rylee,” he says, shaking his head subtly as he looks down at our hands and then back up to me. “I was a man racing through life, the idea of love never crossing my radar. It just wasn’t for me. And then you crashed into my life. You saw good in me when I didn’t. You saw possibility when I saw nothing. When I pushed you away, you pushed back ten times harder.” He laughs softly. “You showed me your heart, time and again. You taught me checkered flags are so much more valuable off the track than on. You brought light to my darkness with your selflessness, your temerity …” He reaches up and rubs a thumb over my cheek to wipe away the tears that are silently sliding down my cheeks now.

His personal vows signify the depth of his love for me—the man who swore he couldn’t love, does whole-heartedly.

“You’ve given me a life I never even knew I wanted, Ry. And for that? I promise to give myself to you—the broken, the bent, and every piece in between—wholeheartedly, without deception, without outside influences. I promise to text you songs to make you hear me when you just won’t listen. I promise to encourage your compassion because that’s what makes you, you. I promise to push you to be spontaneous because breaking rules is what I do best,” he says with a smirk as a lone tear slides down his face. “I promise to play lots and lots of baseball, making sure we touch each base. Home run!” He says the last word softly so only I can hear, and I laugh through my tears.

And I can’t hold back anymore so I reach out and rub my hand over the side of his jaw, not caring one bit about the assumptions people might be making about that vow.

“And that right there … that laugh? I promise to make you laugh like that every single day. And sigh. I like hearing your sighs too.” He winks at me. “I promise nothing will be more valuable in my life than you. That you will never be inconsequential. That those you love, I’ll love too,” he says and then looks over to the row where all of the boys sit. “As I stand here promising to be yours, to give you all of me, I already know that a lifetime will never be long enough to love you. It’s just not possible.” He shrugs, my heart swelling as his voice wavers slightly. “But, baby, I’ve got forever to try, if you’ll have me.”

“Yes!” I choke out as Colton slips my ring on my finger, my body trembling, my heart never more steady, my head completely clear.

“I love you,” he whispers.

My tears fall and I don’t even try to stop them. He looks so conflicted, wanting to draw me in his arms and comfort me. He looks over to our officiate, silently asking for permission to touch me. And it’s so cute that my man, who always disregards rules, is afraid to break them now.

I wipe my eyes with a Kleenex that Haddie hands me and draw in a deep breath to prepare myself for getting through my vows. “Colton, as much as I tried to fight it, I think I’ve been in love with you since I fell out of that storage closet and crashed into your arms. A chance encounter. You saw a spark in me when all I’d felt for so long was grief. You showed me romance when you swore it wasn’t real. You taught me I deserve to feel when all I’d been for so long was numb.” I shake my head and look down at our hands, before looking back up to meet his eyes.

“You showed me scars—inside and out—are beautiful and to own them without fear. You showed me the real you—you let me in—when you always shut others out. You showed me such fortitude and bravery that I had no choice but to love you. And even though you never knew it, you showed me your heart time and time again. Every bent piece of it.” I breathe, my trembling hands holding his.

And the look in his eyes—filled with acceptance, adoration, reverence—is one I will never forget. Tears slide silently down his cheeks, in such stark contrast to the intensity on his face but I see his vulnerability. I feel the love.

“You say I brought light to your darkness, but I disagree. Your light was always there, I just showed you how to let it shine. You’re giving me the life I’ve always wanted. And for that? I promise to give myself to you—the defiance, the selflessness, the whole damn alphabet—wholeheartedly, without deception, without outside influences.”

And I can’t help it, even thought I know it’s against the rules, I lean forward and press a soft kiss to his lips, and when I lean back, the look in his eyes and the lopsided smile on his face is one I’ll remember for the rest of our lives.

“Rule breaker,” he teases with a raise of his eyebrow as I prepare to finish my vows.

“I learned from the best.” I shake my head and look back at him with clarity. “I promise to encourage your free spirit and rule breaking ways because that’s what makes you, you. I promise to challenge you and push you so we can continue to grow into better versions of ourselves. I promise to be patient and hold your hand when you want it held the least, because that’s what I do best. I promise to text you songs too so we can keep the lines of communication open between us. And I promise to wear dresses with zippers up the back,” I throw in on a whim, prompting Colton to look over at Haddie who is laughing behind me. He shakes his head, before focusing back on me.

“I promise a lifetime of laughter, ice cream breakfasts and pancake dinners. And as much as I love waving that checkered flag? Batter-up, baby.” My smile matches his as my love for him swells and soars to new heights. “I promise that nothing will be more valuable in my life than you—because everything else is inconsequential—and you, Colton, are most definitely not. I remember sitting in a Starbucks watching you and wondering what it would be like to get the chance to love you, and now I get a lifetime to find out. And I still don’t think that will be enough time.” I take his ring from Haddie, the band etched with a checkered design, and slip it on his finger.

Becks starts mocking and all the guests laugh. As much as I want to throttle him, I never could. This is my life now and he’s a part of it.

“You’re next, fucker,” Colton mutters to him under his breath, causing him to choke more and me to laugh louder. It takes a minute for the laughter to abate and for everyone to settle down so that the focus is back on us.

“Colton, we’ve got forever to try, if you’ll have me?”

“You know this is permanent, right?” he says softly, reminding me of the symbol forever marking my hip. I nod my head subtly as he looks at me, head angled, eyes dancing, lips smiling, and says, “I wouldn’t have you any other way.” He looks down at his hand, the new band on his ring finger and shakes his head for a moment as he accepts what’s just happened. The look on his face is priceless. And with impatience rivaling that of one of my boys, his eyes dart over to the officiate.

“Yes, Colton.” she chuckles, knowing exactly what he wants. “You may kiss your bride!”

Wonderment and love flow through me.

“Thank Christ!” He exhales as he steps into me and frames my face with his hands. “This is one checkered flag I’m forever claiming.”

And then his lips are on mine, our connection irrefutable, as I hear the officiate announce, “Friends and family, may I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Colton Donavan.”