Desire

Chapter Ten

She dreamed of Lucian again. His tongue was on her, gently plying her sex between her thighs, softly licking, arousing, savoring. His tenderness was exquisite.

She arched against the pleasure, whimpering at the sharp sensation that rippled through her. His caresses brought her to the edge of explosion, yet he drew back, leaving her unfulfilled, aching with excitement.

“Lucian… please…” She wanted them joined, yearned for his possession.

He understood her craving.

His kisses moved upward, his breath searing on her naked skin… her belly, her breasts, the curve of her throat. Her body shuddered in welcome as he covered her. His swollen hardness slid into her yielding, wet flesh, deeply penetrating… but then he held himself still.

With unbearable sweetness, his lips brushed softly over her face, dredging a sigh of joy from deep in her throat. When he smiled down at her, his poignant tenderness made her want to weep. Helpless with desire, she molded herself to him, heat and desperate need welling up in her.

Then he began to move inside her, a rhythm that was ancient, mindless, elemental. Her longing built as he loved her, blossoming to a sweet anguish that made her shake, until with one final thrust he unleashed a storm of fire and she cried out at the piercing ecstasy…

Brynn stirred awake, her body throbbing with need in the darkness. Beside her the bed was empty. She was alone.

She had only been dreaming. Lucian wasn’t with her, arousing her with his soul-stirring caresses. She had driven him away with her coldness.

She reached up and touched her face, surprised to find it wet with tears. In her dreams she had found the tenderness she craved from Lucian, the warmth, the joy.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Brynn clutched a pillow to her breasts, remembering her dream and her desperate longing to cherish him.

She couldn’t allow herself such indulgence, though. She might deplore the cold reserve between them, but she knew it could be no other way.

Lucian didn’t visit her bed that night, or at any time during the following week-a reprieve for which Brynn told herself she was grateful. His avoidance, however, only renewed her sense of loneliness.

Her strained relationship with her husband wasn’t her sole cause of despondency, either. Eager to prevent a recurrence of the recent contretemps with her gentlemen admirers, Brynn deliberately cut back on her social engagements. When she did go out, she was careful to keep a crowd of female friends around her, and she refused to speak to Pickering and Hogarth altogether.

Her efforts only made her feel more isolated. Yet she found herself experiencing a strange melancholy that couldn’t be attributed simply to loneliness. Her courses came and went, which meant she hadn’t conceived, which meant the unsettled state of her marriage would continue. Even though Lucian was avoiding her bed at the moment, that would have to change.

At least her loneliness briefly abated toward the end of her first month as a countess when Grayson paid her a visit on his return from Harrow.

So glad was Brynn to see him that she flew down the stairs and practically launched herself at Gray as he awaited her in the entrance hall.

“Lord, don’t choke me, puss,” he said, laughing as he pried himself loose from her stranglehold on his neck.

Realizing she was being observed by the butler and several footmen, Brynn took her brother’s hand and pulled him into the nearby salon, shutting the door behind them for privacy.

“I hope you’ve brought me news of Theo. I’ve received scarcely a word from home since I left.”

“Because we have all been busy trying to run the household. I never realized how much you contributed to making the place comfortable, Brynn.”

She turned aside the compliment impatiently. “What of Theo?”

“You’ll be pleased to know he is safely and happily ensconced at Harrow. I left him debating the efficacies of certain acids with one of his new masters.”

“Happily? He truly seemed happy?”

“Ecstatic.” Grayson’s gaze turned searching. “What of you, Brynn? Are you at all happy?”

She shrugged, not wanting to discuss her marriage. “I never desired happiness. Now, please, tell me more about Theo.”

She settled with Gray on the settee and interrogated him for half an hour over their youngest brother’s reaction to school and the details of his attendance, down to how many pairs of stockings he had packed. Finally satisfied, Brynn sat back and let Gray enjoy his tea, which the attentive butler had delivered some moments before.

When eventually they got around to discussing Gray’s plans, he responded by looking oddly self-conscious. “I hoped I could wrangle an invitation to stay here, if Wycliff doesn’t object. I would rather not waste funds on taking rooms at an inn.”

“But of course you must stay,” Brynn declared, adding in a defiant undervoice, “whether or not Wycliff objects.”

She rang for the butler and made arrangements to have the ancient Caldwell carriage and horses stabled, then showed Gray to a guest bedchamber herself. Her relationship with the housekeeper, Mrs. Poole, was still strained, and she didn’t want the woman’s sour remarks to spoil her reunion with her brother.

Intending to allow Grayson time to refresh himself and rest, Brynn suggested they meet for dinner at six. “It is unfashionably early for London, I know, but I prefer to keep country hours.”

“Will Wycliff be joining us?” Gray asked with a studied casualness.

“I doubt it,” Brynn replied. “I usually dine alone. Lucian doesn’t spend much time at home.”

That brought her brother’s searching look again, but he didn’t comment directly on her marriage. Instead he asked her an odd question. “Brynn, what do you know about Wycliff’s work at the Foreign Office?”

“Not much. We have never discussed it.”

“I heard he is involved in national intelligence- spying, if you will.”

“So I’ve been told.” Her eyebrows lifted in puzzlement. “Why do you ask?”

Gray shrugged. “Just curious. I will see you at dinner, then.”

“Very well.”

Returning to her sitting room, Brynn read for a while, then changed for dinner and went in search of her brother. When she didn’t find him in his bedchamber or the drawing room, she extended her search to the lower floor. He wasn’t in the salon or dining room, either. When she finally found him, it was in the study, of all places. He was sitting at the desk, rummaging through one of the drawers.

“Gray?”

He gave a start and looked up, a guilty flush on his face.

“What are you doing? That is Lucian’s desk.”

“I… was looking for writing implements.”

“You can find paper and pen in your room.”

“Can I? I didn’t think to look there.”

He reached farther into the drawer, then shut it and rose to his feet. Brynn stiffened when she saw him slip something into his pocket. She moved toward him, wondering if he thought she was blind. “What did you take, Gray?”

His flush deepened. “Nothing important, really.”

“Grayson Caldwell,” Brynn said, feeling as if she were scolding her youngest brother when he misbehaved. “Let me see.”

He hesitated a long moment before drawing the object from his pocket. “It’s nothing of significance.”

Brynn caught a glimpse of a ring that bore the Wycliff seal. “Lucian’s seal ring?”

“Yes. I merely wanted to borrow it.”

“Why?”

“Because I need his stamp on a letter.”

“Why don’t you simply ask him to stamp it for you?”

“Oh, certainly,” Gray replied with an edge of sarcasm. “I should present him with bald proof that I’m trafficking in contraband cargo. How do you think he would react, Brynn? He’s an official of the British government. Do you really think he would turn a blind eye if I were to divulge my illegal activities to him?”

Brynn frowned. “Why are you still involved in illegal activities? You told me you would stop smuggling as soon as our debts were paid. The settlement Lucian gave you should have been more than sufficient…Wasn’t it?”

“Not quite,” Grayson said, refusing to meet her gaze.

She took a deep breath. “Gray, I won’t beg Lucian for money. It was bad enough that I sold myself to him in marriage. I refuse to become any more obliged to him-”

“It wouldn’t matter if you did. Money cannot help me out of this difficulty.”

She placed a hand on his sleeve, her eyes searching his face. “Gray, what is wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong. I simply need Wycliff’s seal on a letter of authorization to ship a load of brandy. It will allow me to elude the revenuers if I am caught.”

“But why must you even take the risk? Can’t you just stop smuggling?”

“I do intend to stop, Brynn. Very soon. But I still have obligations. I cannot quit until I make one final shipment. This will be my last smuggling venture, I swear, but it will be more dangerous than most.”

The plea in his eyes took her aback. She had never seen her brother so troubled.

Disturbed by his intensity, Brynn stared at him a long moment before finally shaking her head. “Gray… you cannot use his seal without permission. It wouldn’t be right. You must put it back.”

His expression hardened. “Please, Brynn, don’t ask me to do that. I have no choice.”

“I am not asking you, I am telling. If you insist on taking it, I will have to inform Lucian.”

He stared at her for a long moment. “You cannot go to him, Brynn. He could ruin me. I think Wycliff already suspects me of being a Free Trader. He could order the excise men to hound our shores until I am caught. I could wind up in prison, despite your marriage to him. Is that what you want?”

“No, of course not, but-”

“It isn’t only my own skin that concerns me. It is yours and Theo’s as well.”

Brynn felt her heart quicken in alarm. “Theo’s? What are you talking about?”

Taking a deep breath, Grayson shook his head. “Nothing. I only meant it would reflect poorly on you if I were imprisoned. Don’t worry. I intend to deal with my problems. But I need this ring, just for a few moments.”

“Grayson…”

“Please, Brynn, you have to trust me.”

She searched her brother’s face until finally he averted his gaze.

“There is no other way,” he said in a low voice. “Please believe me, I wouldn’t stoop to this if I weren’t desperate.”

Brynn started to reply, but then froze when she heard the murmur of masculine voices out in the hall. Giving a start, she spun to find Lucian standing in the doorway.

She felt herself flushing with guilt, much as her brother had done moments before. They shouldn’t even be in here.

Wondering how much of their conversation he had overheard, she watched him warily as he greeted Grayson pleasantly and shook hands. She could see no sign of suspicion in his demeanor, but still she found it hard to maintain her composure when Lucian turned his attention to her.

“I was just giving m-my brother a tour of the house,” she stammered. “We were about to go in to dinner.”

“Excellent. I hope you won’t object if I join you.”

“No… of course not,” Brynn said, forcing a smile.

For the rest of the evening she had no opportunity for a private word with her brother, either to question him about his cryptic comments or to demand that he return her husband’s ring.

Somewhat to her surprise, Lucian put himself out to play the charming host, carrying much of the conversation since Brynn had little to say with her thoughts so distracted. She merely toyed with her food as she debated what to do. Smuggling brandy was one thing, but purloining Lucian’s property was unquestionably wrong.

Still, if Gray was in trouble, Brynn argued with herself, she couldn’t simply abandon him. And if Theo was possibly in danger… She had to discover what was worrying him so.

The chance to speak with her brother never came, however. At the end of the meal, Brynn left the gentlemen to their port and repaired to the drawing room alone, where she wound up pacing the floor. But when the two men joined her, the conversation remained centered on male sports.

Finally realizing Gray meant to outwait her, she gave up and retired to bed, leaving Lucian to entertain him at billiards late into the night.

She woke earlier than usual the following morning, just as dawn was breaking. Hearing the clop of horses’ hooves on pavement outside, Brynn threw a wrapper on and raced downstairs to find Gray preparing to leave.

He looked up as she reached the front entryway.

“Grayson,” she said tersely, “I believe you are forgetting something.”

He smiled, glancing pointedly at the butler, who was directing baggage to be carried out to the waiting carriage. “Ah, yes, puss. I didn’t say goodbye.” Leaning toward her, he kissed her forehead even as he whispered in her ear, “Don’t scold, Brynn, especially in front of the servants.”

“I will scold if you don’t immediately tell me what is going on,” she replied in a harsh whisper of her own. “What sort of trouble are you in?”

“Nothing I can’t handle. I didn’t mean to alarm you.”

“Grayson…” she repeated, her frustration welling. “What about the… object that doesn’t belong to you?”

He reached into his pocket and pressed the ring into her hand. “Here, take it.”

Her fingers closing over the cold metal, Brynn pasted a sweet smile on her lips for the benefit of the footmen. “If you ever do anything like this again, dear brother…” she murmured.

“I know, you’ll have my head for fish bait.” He gave her a forced grin. “But this has saved my life, whether you realize it or not.”

He kissed her cheek again and took his leave. Brynn shivered as she watched him go, wondering if Gray could possibly be serious about his life being at stake.

The moment the front door had shut behind him, Brynn turned and slipped into the study, intending to restore the ring to its proper place.

She had just reached for the desk drawer when Lucian spoke behind her. “Can I help you find something, love?”

Brynn jumped in alarm and spun to face him. Meeting his blue eyes always jolted her, but this time they were particularly penetrating. She stared back at him, wondering with a sense of desperation what excuse she could possibly give him for being here.

“I’m curious to know what has you so fascinated with this room.”

“N-nothing,” she replied, knowing she was stammering again. “I… I am missing an earring. I thought perhaps I might have dropped it here yesterday.”

When Lucian moved toward her, she took a step backward. His gaze raked over her, taking in her dishabille, from her hair tumbling wildly over her shoulders, to her wrapper that she had donned over her nightdress, to her bare feet.

“Perhaps you should have put on shoes,” he murmured, coming to stand before her.

She swallowed hard. “I… didn’t have time. I wanted to say farewell to my brother.”

“Weren’t you concerned you would drive the footmen wild, roaming the house in that state of undress?”

“I am perfectly well concealed,” she replied much too breathlessly. “More so than when I wear evening attire.”

Lucian’s chiseled mouth curved in a smile. “For evening, you don’t normally wear your hair loose and flowing like that, looking as if you’ve just left your bed. You might give a thought to us poor mortals, siren,” he added before his smile suddenly faded.

His charming remark had been automatic; part of the habitual seductive manner of a rake, Brynn realized. But he had evidently remembered whom he was addressing.

His expression was solemn as he reached up to smooth a curling tress back from her face, but when his fingers brushed her temple, Brynn flinched. She was certain he hadn’t meant his touch to be arousing, but it seared her as if it were a brand.

Uneasily she returned his gaze. Lucian was very, very still. Spellbound. She recognized the carnal haze in his eyes.

She drew a sharp breath, knowing she would have to act to break the enchantment.

When his gaze dropped to her mouth, she forced herself to smile coldly.

As if he had no control over his actions, he reached up to caress her lower lip with his thumb. His voice was incredibly husky when he murmured almost to himself, “You play the ice maiden so well. It dares a man to try melting you.”

He could melt her quite easily if she allowed him, Brynn knew, feeling her pulse quicken wildly.

It took all her willpower to maintain her pretense of chill disinterest. “You aren’t alone,” she replied, injecting frost into her voice. “Any number of gentlemen feel that way.”

His hand dropped as if he had touched hot coals, while the seductive warmth abruptly left his eyes.

“I will be away for the remainder of the day,” he said tersely before turning on his heel and quitting the study.

Brynn let out a shuddering breath. Suddenly remembering her purpose, she turned back to the desk and dropped Lucian’s seal ring into the drawer as if it were poison. Then she shut her eyes, feeling the violent thud of her heart.

It dismayed her, having to lie to Lucian. She despised deception. But she’d had little choice. She couldn’t expose her brother for fear of how Lucian would react. Grayson might be engaged in something illegal, but he was still her flesh and blood. Certainly she owed him more loyalty than she did her new husband.

Didn’t she?