Double Time

Chapter 22

Ethan’s arms tightened around Reagan’s trembling body. He drew her closer to his chest, rubbed her back with both hands, and stared at the door that Trey had just exited. Ethan had never respected a man more than he respected Trey at that moment. Ethan wished he would have had the balls to have that conversation with Reagan. Wished he’d have been man enough to let her go and spare her feelings before he strayed with a man and crushed her heart. Wished he could have put her happiness first instead of doing everything in his power to keep himself in her life. He knew he was a selfish bastard, but even knowing that, he still couldn’t let her go. He loved her too much. Even if he did have to pretend he thought of her as a friend and nothing more substantial.

Ethan lowered his lips to her hair. He didn’t know what to say to her. Didn’t know if anything he said would make one bit of difference. He felt responsible for this entire thing. If he hadn’t been so attracted to Trey and tried to make a move on his best friend’s boyfriend—God, I’m such an ass—Reagan wouldn’t be sobbing right now. She’d be laughing. Smiling. Staring at Trey with the sickening look of love that ate Ethan alive.

“Reagan,” he whispered. “Shh. Calm down, baby.”

“I have to go after him,” she said. “I can’t let him leave. He said he loves me and I think… I know I love him too.”

She tried to pull away, but Ethan held her tight. “Reagan, he’s right. You can’t be happy with him. He basically told you that he’d cheat on you. I know firsthand that you don’t take that well.”

She punched him in the ribs. Okay, he deserved that.

“If I give him permission, it won’t be cheating.”

All the air seemed to vacate the room. “Permission? You never gave me permission.”

“You didn’t ask, Ethan. You didn’t even talk to me about it. You just screwed someone in our apartment when you thought I wouldn’t be home.”

“How many times have I apologized for that, Reagan? I knew you wouldn’t understand my attraction to men. I scarcely understand it.”

“It isn’t your attraction to men that I wouldn’t be able to understand. It’s how you could bring yourself to hurt me like that when you claimed to love me.”

“I do love you, Reagan.”

“Did,” she corrected.

He cupped her lovely face and tilted her head back. Brushing the tears from her cheeks with both thumbs, he looked into her eyes and said, “Do.”

He didn’t know what he expected her to say to his confession, but it wasn’t, “Argh!” She shoved him away. “Don’t confuse things even more. You drive me crazy, Ethan.”

“I know. I don’t mean to.” He just couldn’t manage to regain her trust enough to direct their relationship in the way he wanted it to go. Which wasn’t just friends. It had never been that kind of relationship to him. He’d let her dictate his feelings because he needed her in his life in some capacity. Any capacity. He knew he’d fucked up. He owned that mistake. He didn’t know how to make it up to her though. Didn’t know if he could make it up to her. Maybe if he helped her keep Trey. Would that make her happy? “I could fuck Trey for you,” he blurted.

“What?” she sputtered.

“He’s attracted to me. I can fulfill his sexual desires and you could trust me not to take him away from you. I want you to be happy.”

“Did you seriously just volunteer to fuck my boyfriend?”

“Actually, Reagan, he’s not your boyfriend. He just dumped you.” Ethan jabbed a thumb toward the front door of the apartment.

“Shut up! He just needs a little time.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “But not too much time.” She groaned and scrubbed her face with both hands. “I don’t want to lose him, Ethan. Not because of this.”

“He told you what he needed to be happy.”

“Do you really think we could make him happy? Me and you. Together.”

“I’m more concerned about your feelings. Do you think you can handle sharing him? Even on a purely sexual level.”

“With you?” She took a deep breath. “Yeah, I’d rather know he was with you than some other guy, but…” She looked up at him. “Do you think he’ll go for this?”

“There’s only one way to find out.”