Emily

Chapter Sixteen

Looking back on a time of intense unhappiness, one fortunately remembers very little. Our marriage was into injury time. Somehow we got through Christmas and the next month; hardly speaking, licking our wounds, yet still putting up a front to the outside world. Over and over I made plans to leave, but could never quite bring myself to. In spite of everything I still loved Rory.

February brought snow, turning the island into a place of magic.

Coco’s ankle recovered and she decided to give a birthday party for Buster.

Rory went to Glasgow for the night to stock up with paint, but was due back at lunchtime on the day of the party.

I went to sleep and had the most terrible nightmare about Marina and Rory, lying tangled in each other’s arms, asleep on the floor. I woke up in floods of tears, with the moon in my eyes and the screaming horrors in my mind. I groped for Rory beside me, and then remembered he wasn’t there. I was too frightened to go back to sleep again. I got up and cleaned the house from top to toe (my charwoman had been off for several weeks with rheumatism), and spent hours cooking Rory a gorgeous lunch to welcome him home. Then I went out and bought two bottles of really good wine. From now on I decided I was going to make a last effort to save my marriage.

At twelve o’clock the telephone rang. It was Rory. He was still in Edinburgh. He’d be back later, in time for Coco’s party.

‘Why bother to come back home at all?’ I said, and slammed down the telephone, all my good resolutions gone to pot. How the hell was I to fill in the time until he got back? I refused to cry. I decided to drive into Penlorren and buy Buster a present.

Two miles from home I suddenly realized I’d come out without my purse, and decided to turn round and get it. The road was icy and inches deep in snow. My U-turn was disastrously unsuccessful. The next thing I was stuck across the road, the wheels whirring up snow every time I pressed the accelerator.

Suddenly, around the corner, a dark blue car came thundering towards me, going much too fast even without ice on the roads. I screamed with terror but was absolutely powerless to move. There was no way it could brake in time. Then by some miracle of steering, the driver managed to yank the car to the right, slithering into a sixteen-yard skid, missing my car by inches, before juddering to a halt in a snowdrift.

Trust my luck. It was my old enemy Finn Maclean who got out of the car, all red hair and lowered black brows, jaw corners and narrow, infuriated eyes. ‘What the blazes do you think…’ he began, then he realized it was me, took a deep breath and said, ‘God, I might have known.’

He looked me over in a way that made me feel very small, and hot and uncomfortable.

‘I couldn’t help it,’ I blurted out, still shaking from shock.

‘That’s what I’m complaining about,’ he said wearily. ‘I’m sure you couldn’t help it; only an imbecile would have attempted to turn a car around here.’

‘I’ve said I’m sorry,’ I said, colouring hotly. ‘Anyway, you were driving much too fast and my car skidded. No-one could have moved it.’

‘Get out,’ said Finn brusquely.

I got out. He got in and turned the car immediately. Then he got out and held the door open for me.

‘Nothing to it,’ he said, infuriatingly. ‘You were just using too much choke.’

It was the last straw. I got into the car, just looked at him and burst into tears; then, crashing the gears, I roared off home. God knows how I got back with the whole countryside swimming with tears.

I don’t know how long I cried, but long enough to make me look as ugly as sin. Then I noticed the potted plant Coco had given me for Christmas. It looked limp and dejected.

‘Needs a bit of love and attention, like me,’ I said dismally, and getting up, I got a watering can and gave it some water.

Then I remembered someone had once told me if you watered rush mats it brought out the green. I heard a step. I must have left the door open. Hoping by some miracle it might be Rory, I looked up. It was Finn Maclean.

‘Don’t you come cat-footing in here,’ I snarled.

Then I realized how stupid it must look, me standing there watering carpets in the middle of the drawing-room.

‘I’m not quite off my rocker,’ I said weakly. ‘It’s meant to bring out the green in the rushes.’

Finn began to laugh.

‘Whenever I see you you’re either tearing up roses with your teeth, trying to block the traffic, or watering carpets. How come you’re such a nutcase?’

‘I don’t know,’ I muttered. ‘I think I was dropped as an adult.’

‘You’re going to water the whole floor in a minute,’ he said, taking the watering can away from me.

For a minute he looked at me consideringly. Aware how puffy and red my eyes were, I gazed at my feet.

Then he said, ‘I came to apologize for biting your head off this morning. I was tired, I hadn’t been to bed. Still, it was no excuse, and I’m sorry.’

I was so surprised I sat down on the sofa.

‘That’s all right,’ I said, ‘I had a lousy night too, otherwise I wouldn’t have cried.’

‘Where’s Rory?’

‘In Glasgow.’

‘I’m going over to Mullin this afternoon to see a patient, why don’t you come too?’

‘I get sick on planes,’ I said quickly.

‘You can’t land a plane there. I’m taking the speedboat. I’ll pick you up in half an hour. We needn’t talk if we don’t want to.’