Emily

Chapter Twenty-four

Next day Finn flew round the island to visit his patients, and Rory rolled up at visiting time. He looked tired, sulky, unshaven, but still illogically handsome.

Oh, please, don’t let me fall under his spell again.

He brought with him a huge bunch of lilies-of-the-valley, two tins of pâté de foie gras, a pornographic novel and a bottle of Lucozade.

‘The meat paste is from my mother,’ he said. ‘Buster sent the piece of porn. He said he enjoyed it, which is no great recommendation. They all send love.’

Then he handed me the Lucozade bottle.

‘This should get you through the long evenings. It’s whisky and water actually, but if you keep the top on I defy even Dr Maclean to tell the difference.’

I giggled. ‘How did you get in here?’ I said. ‘I should have thought Finn would have put bloodhounds on the gates.’

‘I batted my eyelashes at a rather formidable blonde called Dr Barrett. She said I could see you for a quarter of an hour.’

‘That figures,’ I said.

‘How are you?’ I asked.

‘I’m fine,’ said Rory.

‘Who’s looking after you?’ I said, then blushed furiously. ‘I mean… I didn’t mean to pry.’

‘No-one’s looking after me,’ he said.

I was dying to ask where Marina was, but suddenly I felt exhausted, like a hostess at the end of a party when no-one’s enjoyed themselves.

‘You don’t have to stay,’ I said. ‘It’s awfully boring visiting people in hospital.’

‘Sick of me already, are you?’

I looked up and he was staring at me, as if for the first time. He went on staring until I dropped my eyes in embarrassment.

He got up to go. ‘I’ll come back tomorrow,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry about the baby.’

Then he did the strangest thing. He leant forward and did up the four undone buttons of my nightie.

‘I don’t want Finn looking at your tits,’ he said.

He turned up every day after that. Neither of us mentioned Marina. I was surprised how nice he could be — not mocking, not bored, but I found his visits a terrible strain. If Finn knew about them, he didn’t say anything.

One day, a week later, a heavily pregnant girl was rushed into the room next door to have her baby. She was very young and frightened, and her husband looked even younger and more scared. But their tenderness for one another made me once again realize what I had lost.

When Finn came in later in his overcoat, just off on his rounds, he found me in tears.

He understood at once. ‘Is it the girl next door?’ he asked.

I nodded miserably. ‘It’s just triggered off memories,’ I said.

‘Don’t be unhappy,’ he said, putting his arms around me. ‘There’s years ahead for you to have babies.’

The door opened. I jumped and looked around. Rory stood in the doorway looking distinctly menacing. Going absolutely scarlet, I leapt away from Finn; then thought, why the hell should I after the way Rory’s treated me?

‘I thought you weren’t coming until later,’ I stammered.

‘So I notice,’ he snapped. ‘Shall I leave you to it?’

‘Don’t be stupid,’ I said. ‘Finn’s just off on his rounds.’

‘I’m quite happy to stay here if you think you’ll need protection,’ Finn said.

Rory set his teeth and strolled in the middle of the room. A muscle was pounding in his cheek.

Before he could speak, I quickly said, ‘I’m able to take care of myself, thanks.’

Rory glared furiously at Finn until he was out of the room. ‘If you don’t want me to smash the hell out of him, you’d better not start necking with him any more. OK?’

‘Quite OK,’ I said. ‘But quite honestly, you’re being fatuous. Only jealousy could merit such rage, and as you self-confessedly don’t love me, why the hell should you be jealous?’

‘I believe in protecting my own property,’ said Rory.

‘Anyway, he wasn’t necking with me,’ I said. ‘He was comforting me. I was miserable about losing the baby.’

Rory came towards me, holding out his arms. ‘It’s me who ought to comfort you,’ he said gently.

I shrank away from him, terrified. I started to cry.

‘Oh, for Christ’s sake,’ he snapped.

‘I’m not up to rows,’ I bleated.

He prowled up and down the room. ‘What a horrible place this is,’ he said. ‘It’s time you came home.’

‘I can’t!’ I yelped. ‘I’ve been very ill. Finn says I’m not strong enough to go home yet!’