Free Fall

_{Chapter 17}

She shouldn't want him now, Lily thought, even as her breath hitched and she opened her arms, welcoming Logan's weight. Not like this, as if she needed him more than life itself. She shouldn't be able to lose herself in him with so much on her mind, but she could. She did.

She was afraid she always would.

The night was a dark one, with no moon and only the glow of the steadily falling snow slanting in the window and over the bed like a pale night-light. Just enough to see his face, taut with desire for her. His eyes, dark and deep, his firm mouth curved as it met hers.

Her blood stirred, as it always did with him, and with it came a low, throbbing need she'd never experienced with anyone else, making her heart beat with a heavy anticipation.

Gliding his fingers in her hair, his thumbs tilted her jaw up so that he could study her face. "Lily," he said, and then took her mouth, coaxing it open with warm lips and a hot tongue that danced to hers in a way that made her melt.

He always made her melt, just by looking at her, just by being. His hands slid up and down her back as he continued to kiss her, slow and deep, his fingers skimming down her hips, cupping her bottom, squeezing gently as his mouth made its way down her throat, over her collarbone, licking and nibbling and tasting as he went. He drew her breast into his mouth as his hand dipped between her thighs, making her ache with an easy touch that seemed even more intense and arousing every time.

Repetition had always bored her, but nothing about Logan came even close. In fact, his familiarity with her body only made it all the more exciting, and it built within her, layer over layer of heat and affection in the dark, cold night.

Even when she gasped out his name and dug her nails into his flesh as she began to shudder, he kept at her, leisurely and steadily, achingly so.

He wasn't unaffected. His skin was damp and heated, his heart pounded fiercely against hers. His breath caught when she returned the favor and skimmed her hands over every inch of him. When she replaced her fingers with her tongue, it tore a rough groan from him, and when she took him too close to the edge, he pulled free. Tumbling her to her back on the mattress, he held her busy hands at her sides, nuzzling his way past her belly button, between her thighs. He brought her to a peak with his mouth, his moan mixing with hers as she shuddered in ecstasy for long, lost moments. "Again," he whispered against her wet, hot flesh.

Arching, every pulse point pounding, she reached for him, needing more than anything for him to sink into her, mate with her, needing to give herself over to him and have him do the same. She wanted to see it, to watch his face as he did, the hunger so vivid and real, her throat burned, her eyes filled.

When he finally lifted her hips and slid into her, she felt her heart give, and as she let him in, a tear slid down her cheek, sweet and sorrowful at the same time. The last time, she thought. This was the last time for him to hold her, touch her… She couldn't even think it, so she pushed it out of her head and rocked to him, breathing his name as he breathed hers. He thrust in deeply as he kissed her, giving her his body, his heart and soul. Love for her flickered in his dark eyes, and her own heart and soul stumbled.

And fell.

And still she watched him love her, watched as the pleasure crossed his face, watched as he let himself go, holding nothing back.

And then fell all the more for it.

Lily woke up slowly, a LITTLE groggily. Turning her head, she caught a glimpse of the clock. Four in the morning. She'd slept for only an hour.

She lay entwined with Logan, her hand on his chest, absorbing his slow, deep breathing while she stared at the ceiling in the dark. Sex had always been a fun way to pass the time. But with Logan, it was so far beyond fun, she couldn't even define it. And even she, a virgin in the love department, knew this hadn't been just sex.

No, they'd made love, slow and sweet and hot and unbearably heart-and-soul-wrenching. It was too much, too fast. Any sane person would agree.

Some big risk taker she'd turned out to be. But the truth was, hanging off a cliff had never been as hard as this.

Nothing had. She felt panicked, with none of her usual peace and strength anywhere to be found.

Over the past years, she'd believed Bay Moon had provided that peace and strength. But for the first time she understood it wasn't the mountain supplying them at all. No, they'd come from within her.

Only they were both missing now. She slipped out of the bed and, in the dark, let herself take one last glimpse of the man who'd changed her life just by being in it for a week. Then she turned away, dressed and slipped out of the room.

The lodge was quiet, a good thing at this hour. On her way to check on Matt, she stopped in her office and checked the weather radar. The snow had just let up, but the break would last only until midday. She checked for messages. The ambulance was on its way. Chris had the crews out clearing the lot.

People would have to work fast to get on and off the mountain today. Including Logan.

She'd already gotten more time with him than expected, she reminded herself. Last night had been a bonus. She'd never forget it.

She made her way toward First Aid. Matt was flat on his back, his leg immobilized, the IV the hospital had asked for hanging above him. He was fast asleep. Sara lay beside him, carefully draped over his good side, also asleep. They had their faces nuzzled close to each other.

They were so in love it hurt to look at them. How had Sara done it, let herself fall? And why hadn't she faced any of the panic that Lily faced? What made it so easy for some?

And so hard for her?

In his sleep, Matt groaned, a sound of pain, and Sara immediately cupped his face, stroking him gently until he settled in again. Lily knew Sara would do anything for Matt, including taking his pain on herself if she could.

Her heart squeezed. She'd do the same for Logan, and the thought made her feel raw and open, too much so. Vulnerable. God, she couldn't take it. Her heart hurt, her vision blurred-

A hand settled on her shoulder and she nearly jerked out of her skin. Whipping around, she came face-to-face with Logan. "You scared me," she whispered, putting a hand to her bruised heart.

His eyes locked on hers. He reached out and stroked away the tear she hadn't even realized she'd let fall. "What is it?"

What was it? She had no idea where to start, and she was afraid that if she tried, she'd fall apart. "I don't know."

"Yes, you do." He turned her to face where Matt and Sara lay, entangled together as if they'd been made for each other. One so hurt, the other lending their strength and support and love. "You know exactly," he said softly in her ear. "You're looking at them, yearning for what they have. Why the hell can't you admit it?"

Straightening away from him, she swiped at her tears and crossed her arms over her chest. Closing herself off.

But he just looked at her, patience shining in his eyes.

Ah, hell. Why lie? "Fine," she admitted. "I'm looking at them, yearning for what they have. Happy?"

Wrapping a hand around her wrist, he dragged her out of the doorway and just around the corner, pressing her back against the wall as he touched her face. "If there's something you want, Lily, just take it."

Another tear fell. Damn it. The last. "How? How do I even really know it's there for the taking?"

"You have to believe." He shot her a half smile. "I'll even make you a deal. I'll take the first risk…" He picked up the hand lying limp at her side, pressing it to his heart. "Remember when I said I thought I was falling in love with you?"

"I'm not likely to forget."

"Well, I'm not just thinking it anymore. I know." He tightened his fingers on her when she would have pulled away. "I'm in love with you, Lily." He offered her a shaky smile. "I know I promised no strings attached, and I still mean that. I don't want to hold you back. I wouldn't." He drew in a long, shaky breath. "So. How's that for risk?"

She couldn't smile back, she was frozen to the spot, every muscle tense. "Pretty good."

"We understand each other. I think it could work."

"But you live in Ohio. I live here in Tahoe."

"I'm flexible. I can come back and forth. And you're restless here, you know it. Come see where I live, come volunteer on the SAR team and get a thrill. Maybe you'll find out you can have more than one home base."

She just stared at him, thinking maybe, just maybe, he could be right.

But he must have taken her silence the wrong way because he gripped her arms and pulled her closer, his eyes flashing with frustration, temper and an emotion so real and unwavering, she could hardly breathe. "I can see backing off because of a fundamental, compelling problem that can't be fixed. Like you hate all men who ski better than you-"

She let out a choking laugh.

"And I can see backing off because you don't ever see yourself falling for me. But goddamn it, don't make excuses, because I'm willing to go wherever it takes, do whatever has to be done to make this work."

She managed to swallow. Not easy with a lump the size of a regulation basketball in her throat. "I can't fall in love after only one week," she said more to herself than anything. "I…can't."

But why not?

If Sara could make a relationship work, if Gwyneth could soften and learn to compromise, then Lily herself could certainly change.

Logan just looked at her, still holding her arms, still in her space, making her body hum and her heart squeeze. "Don't be afraid," he said very quietly. "Not of this."

"Of course not. I'm fearless, remember?"

He let out a low laugh, and pressed his hps to her temple. "Lily."

She gripped him tight, pulling him in for a hug, closing her eyes. Then she opened them and met his. "Okay, listen. I think maybe I- No. Scratch that, start over." She gulped in a big breath and rushed out the words that were threatening to block off her air. "Damn it. I love you back."

He seemed to reel over that, and she let out a long, shaky breath, then laughed at the both of them looking so shell-shocked, more nervous than they'd been while risking life and limb on top of a sheer mountain precipice in a hell of a snowstorm. "I really do, Logan. I love you back."

His eyes were brilliantly shiny. "You didn't melt."

"Are you sure? Because I think the bones dissolved right out of my legs." Feeling rubbery, she slid to the floor.

Logan crouched in front of her. In his eyes was relief, and more love than she'd ever imagined could be staring right back at her. His mouth curved in a smile. "I'm feeling a little shaky myself."

He looked so damn gorgeous, she could hardly stand it. He was hers. Hers. Her shakiness was quickly becoming replaced by an adrenaline surge, and something else…a rush of joy. Wrapping her hands in his shirt, she brought him to her, meeting his mouth with hers for a long, liquidy kiss. When she pulled back, she could feel the gratifying pounding of his heart beneath her palms, and it matched hers perfectly. "We're crazy, you know that," she whispered.

"Undoubtedly."

"This isn't going to be easy."

"Nope."

"Neither of us has a clue how to make something like this work."

"True enough."

"But I want it, so much," she whispered, and threw herself at him so they toppled over on the floor of the hallway. "I want it enough to go with you to Ohio and take some time. Enough to get you to come back here as often as you can."

Flat on his back, he smiled at her, and everything within her softened and went weak and trembly- and strong and sure at the same time. It was right, she thought with awe. It was so right.

From down the hall and on the other side of the big, open lodge came a blip of a siren. Blue and red lights flashed through the darkened resort. The ambulance had arrived. They pulled each other up and she peeked around the corner, into the room where Matt and Sara still lay asleep. From the window came the light pink tinge of dawn. "It's nearly morning," she whispered.

Logan's arm slipped around her waist, pulled her to his side. His hps brushed over her hair. "Anew day."

Tilting her head up, she met his mouth with hers. "A new beginning."