Gabriel's Inferno

Chapter 28

After dinner, Scott had dropped by a friend’s house for a visit. When he arrived home, he was shocked to discover two police cruisers in the driveway. Officer Jamie Roberts was interviewing Julia in the living room, while Officer Ron Quinn was interviewing Gabriel in the dining room.

Richard had already been questioned.

“Will someone please explain why there are cops in the house? What did Gabriel do now?” Scott stood in the kitchen staring down his sister and their father.

Aaron walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a Samuel Adams. He opened it and handed it to Scott, who drank it gratefully. “Simon Talbot attacked Julia.”

Scott almost spat out his beer. “What? Is she okay?”

“He fucking bit her,” said Rachel. “And he almost broke her ankle.”

“Did he…” Scott’s voice was matter-of-fact, yet he couldn’t bring himself to say the words.

Rachel shook her head. “I asked her. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I did. And she said no.”

Everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief.

Scott slammed his beer down on the counter. “Well, where is he? Let’s go, Aaron. Someone needs to teach him a lesson.”

“Gabriel got to him first. Ron told me that they had to take Simon to the hospital to have his jaw wired shut. Gabriel smashed his face in,”

Aaron explained.

Scott’s eyebrows shot up. “The Professor? Why would he do that?”

Aaron and Rachel exchanged a knowing look.

“I’d still like to pay the asshole a visit.” Scott cracked the knuckles on his right hand. “Just to talk to him.”

Aaron shook his head. “Listen to yourself. You’re a prosecutor; he’s the son of a senator. You can’t tune the guy up. And besides, Gabriel finished it.

They’ll take him into custody when the doctors are done with him.”

“You still haven’t explained why Gabriel would get his pretty little hands dirty for Julia. He barely knows her.”

Rachel leaned over the kitchen island toward her brother. “They’re a couple.”

Scott blinked like a lazy stoplight. “Come again?”

“Just what I said. They’re — together.”

“Holy shit. What the hell is she doing with him?”

Before anyone could offer a hypothesis, Gabriel walked into the kitchen.

He looked at the worried faces of his family and frowned. “Where’s Julianne?”

“Still being interviewed.” Richard smiled at his oldest son and clapped a hand to his shoulder. “I’m very proud of you, for what you did for Julia.

I know we’re all grateful you arrived in time.”

Gabriel pressed his lips together and nodded uncomfortably.

“Clocking Simon Talbot will earn you a medal. But screwing around with Julia will earn you a beating. You aren’t good enough for her. Not by a long shot.” Scott put his beer down and cracked his knuckles again.

Gabriel’s eyes glinted coldly at his brother. “My personal life is none of your business.”

“It is now. What kind of professor screws his students? Don’t you get enough tail already?”

Rachel inhaled deeply and slowly moved toward the door, away from the impending titanic clash.

Gabriel’s fists clenched at his sides, and he took a step closer to his larger but younger brother. “Speak about Julianne that way again and you and I are going to have more than words.”

“All right, you guys, no more Cain and Abel bullshit. There are cops in our living room, and you’re scaring your sister.” Aaron stepped in between the seething men, placing a light hand on Scott’s chest.

“Julia is not the kind of girl that you screw around with and then dump. She’s the kind of girl you marry,” Scott said over Aaron’s shoulder.

“You think I don’t know that?” said Gabriel, with evident hostility.

“Don’t you think she’s had her quota of assholes?”

Richard held his hand up. “Scott, that’s enough.”

He looked at his father curiously.

“Gabriel rescued Julia from her attacker.” Richard nodded slightly.

Scott stared at his father as if he’d just told him that the earth was flat.

And everyone, except him, already knew it.

Rachel jumped in, eager to change the subject. “By the way, Gabriel, I didn’t know you knew Jamie Roberts. Did you go to high school with her?”

“Yes.”

“Were you friends?”

“Vaguely.”

All eyes swung to Gabriel, who turned on his heel and disappeared.

Richard waited a few minutes for the tension in the air to dissipate before turning his attention to his remaining son. “I’d like a word with you, please.” His voice was calm but firm.

The two men climbed the stairs to the second floor and walked into Richard’s study. He closed the door behind them.

“Have a seat.” He pointed to a chair in front of his desk. “I want to talk to you about your attitude toward your brother.”

Scott sat opposite his father and prepared himself for what was to come. Richard only brought his children into the study for the most serious of conversations.

He gestured to a reproduction of Rembrandt’s The Return of the Prodigal Son, which was proudly displayed on one of the walls. “Do you remember the parable behind that painting?”

Scott nodded slowly. He was in trouble.

Julia sat bolt upright in bed, gasping for air.

It was only a nightmare. It was only a nightmare. You got away.

It took a moment to bring her frantic breathing under control. But once she realized that she was safe in the Clark’s guest room and not underneath Simon on the floor of her old bedroom, she was able to relax.

Somewhat.

She leaned over and turned on the lamp. The light dispelled the darkness of the room but did not cheer her. She picked up the glass of water and the pain pills that Gabriel left when he tucked her into bed several hours earlier. He’d curled around her, fully clothed, and held her until she fell asleep. But he was gone now.

I need him.

More than the pain pills or the light or the air, Julia needed Gabriel, to feel his body wrapped around hers, to hear his deep voice whisper words of comfort. He was the only person who could make her forget what had happened. She needed to touch him. She needed to kiss him in order to blot out her nightmare.

Julia took the pills to soothe the pain in her ankle. She hopped on one foot to Gabriel’s room in order to soothe the pain in her heart. She was quiet as a mouse, listening for any stirring or footsteps in the other rooms.

When she was satisfied that she would not be surprised, she silently opened Gabriel’s door and closed it behind her.

It took a moment or two for her eyes to adjust to the semi-darkness.

He’d neglected to pull the shades on the windows and was lying on what was normally her side of the double bed. She wondered if it was accurate to say that she had a side of the bed. She limped to the other side, pulled the covers back, and placed one knee on the mattress.

“Julianne.” Gabriel’s low whisper startled her.

She clapped a hand to her mouth so that she wouldn’t cry out.

“Stop.”

She froze. When her wits finally returned, she lowered her head. “Um, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have bothered you.” Shame flooded through her, and she blinked back tears as she slowly turned to go.

“That’s not what I meant. Wait.”

Julia watched him throw off the covers and stand up, his back toward her. He was naked and the streaming starlight through the shades scattered across his back. It was an optical illusion of sorts, the delicate points of light dancing across his athletic form. She saw his shoulder blades and his spine, and the muscles of his lower back where the skin stretched as he leaned over to find his pajama bottoms.

And of course, the most beautiful backside and legs…

When he’d pulled on his pants, he turned to face her, his brilliantly sculpted chest and shoulders perfect in the dimness, the tattooed dragon slightly muted but ever present.

“Now you can crawl in with me.” He chuckled. “I thought I’d make you nervous if you found me naked.”

Julia rolled her eyes. She didn’t like when he laughed at her, but she saw his point.

(Or rather, she didn’t actually see it, but she understood what he meant.)

“Come here,” he whispered, extending an arm and drawing her close so that when they reclined, her head rested naturally on his chest.

“I set my alarm so I could check on you. It would have gone off in fifteen minutes. How is your ankle?”

“It hurts.”

“Did you take the pills I left for you?”

“Yes. They haven’t kicked in yet.”

Gabriel carefully shifted so that he could reach her hand and tenderly pressed his lips against her fingers. “My little warrior.” He stroked her hair, caressing the waves with his fingertips. “Were you having trouble sleeping?”

“I had a nightmare.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

He squeezed her more closely just to indicate that he’d heard her and that if she changed her mind, he would listen.

“Would you kiss me?” she asked.

“I thought that after what happened you wouldn’t want me to touch you.”

Julia angled her head so that she could bring her lips up to his, ending their conversation.

Gabriel’s mouth was soft and gentle, barely moving against hers. He could feel that her mouth was still tender, and he silently cursed Simon for making it that way. But Julia was having none of that. She wanted to drink him in, to let his fire engulf her, so that he was all she could feel or think about.

Opening her mouth, Julia traced his bottom lip with her tongue, savoring his sweetness. She pushed her tongue inside his mouth, laving his with hers and dancing, tangoing, tripping over it. Gabriel’s fingers tightened in her hair, gently pulling her head back. Now his tongue pushed hers back, entering her and caressing her.

Julia began to hum at the sheer pleasure of his unhurried affection.

While she was kissing him, she could think of nothing else. She kept her injured ankle away from him in order to protect it, and with her hands she found his hair, pulling and twisting it.

Gabriel groaned but didn’t stop. She felt his body begin to stiffen next to her, pushing out against her bare thigh. He ran his right hand down her side, hovering over the swell of a breast before rubbing against her ribs and then her hip. He liked the way Rachel’s tank top and yoga shorts fit Julianne’s form, hugging her curves and exposing a great swathe of pale skin across her shoulders and above her breasts. She was beautiful, even in the semi-darkness. All of a sudden, she was on her back while he hovered over her, pressing his weight into his forearms. His knee came between her legs, and she parted them willingly.

She wanted more. She needed more. Her breathing was ragged and coming in gasps as she refused to loosen her hold on his hair, forcing their mouths together.

Gabriel responded by stroking her breasts over her tank top with his long fingers, applying just enough pressure to make her tingle and want more but not enough to satisfy her desires. Then he was pulling back, leaning on one forearm with eyes closed. This was her moment. Without even thinking about it, she grasped the hem of her tank top and tried to pull it off.

Gabriel’s hand came to hers and halted her movement. He pressed their lips together, and soon they were teasing each other with their tongues, panting with warm and moist breaths. Julia freed her hands from underneath Gabriel’s when he moved to stroke her upper thigh, dragging her leg around his hip as he pressed closer to her. Now that her hands were free, nothing prevented her from wresting off her top. She found the hem again and began to pull, twisting and writhing beneath his naked chest.

Both of Gabriel’s hands clasped over hers. “Julianne,” he gasped, for he was breathing hard. “Would you…please…stop.” He rocked back on his heels and kneeled next to her, trying to catch his breath.

“Don’t you want to?” Hers was the soft voice of an innocent, and it made Gabriel’s heart clench.

He shook his head and closed his eyes. As his response sank in, so did something else. All of the cruel things Simon had ever said to her began to echo in her ears.

You’re a stupid bitch. You’re going to be a lousy lay. You’re frigid. No other man is ever going to want you.

Julia rolled to her side, effectively sidestepping Gabriel, and swung her feet gingerly to the floor. She wanted to make it to the door before a sob ripped from her throat. But before she could put her weight on her good ankle, two long, strong arms wrapped around her waist, and she was trapped.

Gabriel placed his legs on either side of hers and pulled her so that their bare legs were dangling over the side of the bed together and her back was flush against his naked chest. She could feel his swift heartbeat and his breathing through her shoulder blades. It was an odd but especially erotic feeling.

“Don’t leave,” he whispered, pressing a light kiss to the edge of her ear. He leaned forward to bring his mouth to the right side of her neck, nuzzling her.

Julia sniffled.

“I didn’t mean to upset you. Are you hurt very badly?” When she didn’t answer, he kissed her ear again and squeezed her more tightly.

“Not physically,” she managed, stifling a sob.

“Then tell me,” he whispered. “Tell me how I hurt you.”

Julia threw her hands up in desperate frustration. “You said that you wanted me, but when I finally work up the courage to throw myself at you, you reject me!”

Gabriel inhaled sharply, his breath making a whistling sound against her ear. She felt his arms stiffen and his tendons press into her skin. And something else, further down, pressing into the curve of her behind.

“Believe me, Julianne, I am not rejecting you. Of course I want you.

You’re so beautiful. So very lovely.”

Gabriel reached down to kiss the side of her face. “We talked about this. Our time is coming. Do you really want our first time to be tonight?”

Julia hesitated, and that was the only answer he needed.

“Even if you were ready, darling, I wouldn’t make love to you tonight.

You’re injured, which means you’re going to be on the disabled list for a while.

I need to make sure that you’re fully recovered before we explore — ah — various positions.”

She could hear his smile coloring his words. He was trying to make her laugh.

“But most importantly, there’s this.” He shifted so that he was leaning around her left side, gently tracing a finger around the angry bite mark on her neck.

She winced at his touch, and a flame of anger flared within him. He inhaled and exhaled several times to get his emotions under control, then he placed gentle kisses near the mark over and over again, until she sighed and let her head relax against his shoulder.

“You were fetal a couple of hours ago. I wouldn’t be a very good lover if I capitalized on your vulnerability. Does that make sense?”

Julia thought about it, and nodded slowly.

“Something frightening happened to you tonight. Of course you want to feel safe and cared for. It’s not a crime, Julianne. And I want to help you, my love, so badly. But there are many different ways to do that. You don’t have to take your clothes off in order to capture my attention. You have it.

Completely. You don’t have to have sex with me in order for me to make you feel wanted.”

“How?” Her voice was a tentative whisper.

“Like this.” Gabriel pressed a kiss to her neck and shifted her so that she was reclining on her back.

He lay on his side next to her, propped up on his elbow, staring down into her wide, sad eyes. Starting with her hair, he began to touch her with gentle, unhurried caresses. He stroked her face to remove her tears. He traced her chin, her jaw line, her eyebrows. He moved to her neck and down to the lines of her collarbone.

She gasped when his fingers followed her sternum between her breasts to her abdomen, where he drew patterns on her naked skin. He placed his palm flat against her and leaned over to kiss the very tops of her breasts.

When he withdrew, her eyes were closed. “Darling?”

Her eyelids fluttered open.

“In this bed, there’s only us. You and me. You are all that matters.” He smoothed his hand across the curve of her waist and down to her left hip, where he gripped her loosely. “If you want to go back to your room, I’ll walk you back. If you want to sleep alone, I’ll let you be. I just need you to tell me what you want, and provided it’s within my power, I’ll give it to you. But please, darling, don’t ask me to take your virginity. Not tonight.”

She considered what he said and swallowed noisily. “I want to stay here. I don’t sleep very well without you.”

“I barely sleep at all without you. I’m glad the feeling is mutual.” He kissed her lips and began to skim his hand lightly over her thigh and back to the curve of her bottom. “You know that I care for you, don’t you?”

She nodded and touched his chest while he leaned forward, brushing his lips against her neck where the skin was unmarked.

“I’m sorry I did this.” Gabriel circled the fading love bite from the day before.

Julia looked into guilty eyes. “Don’t, Gabriel. That was different.”

“I need to be more careful with you.”

She sighed. “You are very careful with me.”

“Roll over, darling.”

Her eyes held a question, but she rolled onto her stomach and moved her head so that she could look at him, trusting him completely.

He kneeled beside her and gently brushed her hair aside. “Just relax.

I want you to feel as beautiful as you are.”

He began slowly, massaging her lightly with both hands, exploring every inch from head to toe. Then he stretched out by her feet and lifted them, paying special attention to her arches and her heels.

She moaned softly.

Gabriel chuckled. “Do you remember when you stayed with me after that disastrous seminar?”

Julia nodded, biting her lip.

His eyebrows knit together. “You were very suspicious of me. Of course, you were right to be suspicious, but even then I’d already decided that I…

You’re safe with me, love. I promise.”

When Gabriel finished with her feet he crawled back up her body, al owing his lips to explore where his hands had been, nuzzling, kissing, nipping.

Julia searched his eyes and saw deep affection reflected back at her, and as he sank down by her side, she kissed him deeply.

“Thank you, Gabriel,” she breathed.

He smiled in satisfaction, winding his fingers through her long hair.

It was in this space of peace and security that Julia realized her moment had come. They had already agreed that they would bare their souls before they bared their bodies. And there was a part of her that was weary of keeping secrets. Of keeping his secrets.

Gabriel had shared parts of his past with her already. Why had she withheld herself from him? It was going to be painful to speak the words aloud, but perhaps it would be more painful to have this thing between them remain unexplained. She inhaled deeply and shut her eyes, and without introduction, she began.

“I met him at a party my freshman year…” She cleared her throat a few times and continued in a whisper. “He went to the University of Pennsylvania. I’d heard of his father before, but that’s not why I was interested in him. I liked him because he was funny and nice and we always had a good time together. That first Christmas, he showed up at my house to surprise me. He knew I liked Italian things, and so he bought me a candy-apple red Vespa. Julia red, he called it.”

Gabriel raised his eyebrows.

“Of course, my love for all things Italian came from you. But I’d given up hope that I’d ever see you again. I thought you didn’t care about me, and so I tried to move on. His parents approved of our relationship, and we were always being invited to Washington to visit them or to political events in Philadelphia. We dated casually for a few months, more like friends really, and then he told me he wanted more. I agreed.

“Things started to change after that. He wanted more of everything, and he became demanding.” Julia’s cheeks flushed deeply in the darkness.

Gabriel felt the temperature rise across her skin, and so he began to lightly rub her shoulders.

“He said that sex was his right as my boyfriend. When I said that I wasn’t ready, he called me frigid. That simply reinforced my determination to wait. I wasn’t really waiting for you, specifically, but I didn’t want to be pressured into it. I know that sounds juvenile.”

“Julianne, it’s far from juvenile to assert that you should be the one to decide who you will and will not sleep with.”

She smiled at him thinly. “The more he pushed, the more I tried to compensate by giving into him in other ways. He was extremely possessive.

He didn’t like me hanging out with Rachel, probably because she didn’t like him. I did whatever I could to avoid conflict with him. And, um, he wasn’t always pleasant.”

She paused, trying to figure out how to say the next part.

“Did he hit you?” Gabriel forced himself to sound calm.

“Not really.”

“That is not an answer, Julianne. Did he hit you?”

She could feel Gabriel’s body begin to shake with anger. She wasn’t about to lie to him, but she was worried about what he would say when she told him. So she chose her next words very carefully. “He pushed me around a couple of times. Natalie, my roommate, had to pull him off of me once.”

“You do realize that him pushing you is still assault.”

When Julia avoided his eyes, he continued. “I want to come back to this again. Another time.”

“Honestly, the things he said to me were far worse than anything he ever did.” She laughed softly. “He treated me better than my mother did, for the most part. Although there were times when I wanted him to hit me.

I could have taken a punch, and it would have been over in seconds. That would have been preferable to having to listen to him tell me how frigid and worthless I was over and over again.” She shuddered. “At least if he’d hit me, I could have told my dad. I could have shown him the bruise, and he would have believed me.”

Gabriel was sickened by Julia’s admission, which only increased his anger against Simon and her father. Despite his patient silence, she could almost hear the wheels turning in his mind.

“I never felt like I was good enough for him. And he certainly agreed.

Since I wouldn’t sleep with him, he demanded — um, other things. But I wasn’t very good. He said if that was any indication of what I’d be like in bed, I’d be a lousy lay.” She laughed again, and nervously played with her hair. “I wasn’t going to tell you this, but I guess you have a right to know before I disappoint you. On top of being frigid, why would you want me if I can’t even please a man in other ways?”

Gabriel unthinkingly let loose a string of profanities that would have curled a profane person’s hair.

Julia remained very still, her nose twitching slightly, like a mouse. Or a rabbit.

“Julianne, look at me.” He placed a light hand on her cheek, waiting until their eyes met. “Everything he said to you was a lie. You have to believe me when I tell you this. He said those things so that he could control you.

“Of course I want you. Look at you! You’re beautiful and warm and intelligent. You’re forgiving and gentle. You might not realize this, but you bring out those qualities in me. You make me want to be gentle and kind.

And when we make love, that’s how I will be with you.”

He cleared his throat as his voice grew raspy. “Someone as giving and as passionate as you could never be terrible at anything sexual. You just need someone who will make you feel safe enough to express yourself. Then the tiger will emerge. He didn’t deserve to see that side of you, and you were right not to show it to him. But we’re different. Last night, the night in the museum, even earlier tonight, I’ve seen your passion. I’ve felt it. And it’s breathtaking. You are breathtaking.”

Julia looked into his earnest eyes in silent wonder.

“You told me you believe in redemption,” he whispered. “So prove it. Forgive yourself for whatever you’re ashamed of and let yourself be happy. Because really, Julianne, that’s all I want for you. I want you to be happy.”

She smiled and kissed him, reveling momentarily in his touch and his words. After a moment, she retreated, knowing that the worst of her story was yet to be told.

“I wanted to participate in the junior-year abroad program. He didn’t want me to go. So I applied for it behind his back, and I didn’t break the news to him until the beginning of the summer. He was furious, but he seemed to get over it.

“While I was in Italy, he would write these amazing e-mails and send me pictures. He told me he loved me.” She swallowed hard. “No one ever loved me before.”

She took a deep breath. “I didn’t come home for Christmas or for the summer because I was taking extra courses and doing some traveling. When I came back at the end of August, Rachel took me shopping as a welcome home present. Grace had given her some money, and between the two of them they bought me a really pretty dress and a pair of Prada shoes.”

She blushed.

“Um, you’ve seen those shoes before. I wore them on our first da — um, I mean when you took me out for steak.”

He ran his fingers over the curve of her cheek. “It’s all right, Julianne, you can call it our first date. That’s how I think of it. Even though I was an ass.”

She took another deep breath. “He made elaborate plans to celebrate my birthday. Rachel insisted on helping me get ready at her apartment, and I was supposed to drive to the Ritz-Carlton to meet him. But I forgot my camera. So I went to my dorm room first.”

Now Julia began to shake. Every muscle, every part of her began shivering as if she was freezing cold.

Gabriel wrapped her in his arms. “You don’t have to tell me anymore.

I’ve heard enough.”

“No.” Her voice shook, but she continued. “I need to tell someone. Not even Rachel knows everything.” She inhaled and exhaled a couple of times.

“I opened the door and the room was dark, except for the lamp on my roommate’s desk. But Natalie’s stereo was on. It was playing Closer by Nine Inch Nails. Stupidly, I thought she’d left the stereo on by mistake. I was going to turn it off, but before I could take another step, I saw them.”

Julia went very still. Still like a statue.

Gabriel waited.

“Simon was fucking Natalie in my bed. I was so shocked I couldn’t move. At first, I thought it couldn’t be him. And then I thought, it couldn’t be her. But it was. And…”

Now her voice dropped to a whisper. “She’d been my roommate since we were freshmen. We were friends in high school. They saw me standing there, staring like an idiot. And he looked over at me and laughed, saying that they’d been fuck buddies since sophomore year. I just stood there because really, I couldn’t understand what he was saying. Natalie walked over to me, naked, and said that I should join them.”

Julia’s mouth snapped shut. But it was too late. She’d pronounced the words. She’d said them aloud. And all of the agony and horror that she felt that day washed over her again. She moved to kneel and press her cheek against Gabriel’s chest. But she did not cry.

Gabriel held her tightly, pressing his lips to the top of her head. I should have killed him when I had the chance.

He was silently glad that he hadn’t known. He would have killed Simon, of that Gabriel had little doubt. He’s the Angelfucker. He was going to fuck my Julianne like an animal. Only he practiced on her roommate first.

They sat in one another’s arms for a while as she tried to push away her shame, and Gabriel sought to cast his murderous thoughts aside. When he felt her heartbeat slow, he began to whisper. He told her how much he cared for her. He told her she was safe with him. Then he asked her quietly if it would be okay if he talked to her a little.

She nodded.

“Julia, I’m sorry that happened to you.” He shook his head. “I’m also sorry that you didn’t grow up in a house with a man and a woman who shared a bed and loved each other. I had that benefit.

“You know what Richard and Grace were like, always touching one another, always laughing. I never heard him raise his voice to her. I never heard her say anything snide or rude. They were the perfect couple. And as much as it is embarrassing to think of one’s parents having a sex life, it was obvious they were very passionate.

“When Richard gave me the infamous birds and the bees talk, he cited a line from the Book of Common Prayer, a vow that he’d made to Grace during their wedding ceremony, ‘With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow.’”

“I’ve heard that before. It’s beautiful.”

“It is, isn’t it? And in the context of my rather uncomfortable conversation with Richard, he pointed out that this vow is a pledge that the husband will make love to his wife, and not just use her for sex. He said that the vow expressed the idea that making love is an act of worship. The husband worships his wife with his body, by loving her and giving to her and moving with her toward ecstasy.”

Gabriel cleared his throat, which was now hoarse. “I think it’s safe to say that what you witnessed with your boyfriend was predatory and de-spicable. I know that you saw similar things when you were growing up in St. Louis, things that a little girl should never see. It’s possible you thought that’s just what intercourse is — and maybe you thought that all men were like him — malicious predators who use and abuse.

“Richard’s description of lovemaking was completely different. He said that it is no less passionate than other pleasures, because the context provides the freedom and acceptance to explore one’s desires in all of their various forms, whether they’re desperate and needy, or slow and tender. The point is that the foundation that undergirds the act is one of mutual respect and giving — not taking or using.”

Gabriel brought his lips to her ear so he could whisper to her. “I wandered far away from Richard’s lifestyle, but I always wanted what he and Grace had. When I told you that I was intending to worship you with my body, I meant it. With all my heart. I will never take from you. I will only give. In my bed and outside of it.”

Julia smiled against his chest.

“You and I are both starting over, and behold, all things will become new.”

She reached up and kissed him softly on the lips and whispered words of thanks to his mouth. His affirmation comforted her. It didn’t take the pain away or erase the memories, but it relieved her to hear that he wouldn’t hold her past weaknesses against her. For truly, one of the things she was most ashamed of was allowing herself to be treated so badly. It was why she had kept her secret. It was why she had feared exposure.

“Now I feel like an even bigger ass for joking with you about Nine Inch Nails when we were at Lobby. No wonder you were so upset when I mentioned that song.”

Julia nodded slightly.

“As soon as I get back to Toronto, I’m going to change the presets on my radio. I won’t be listening to that station anymore.” He cleared his throat.

“Love, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. But I’m wondering what you told your father. I owe you an apology for getting into a shouting match with him at the hospital. I said some things I shouldn’t have.”

She eyed him curiously.

“I told him he shouldn’t have sent you back to live with your mother.

That it was his job as a father to protect you, and that he failed.”

Julia was surprised. No one, not even Rachel or Grace, had ever confronted Tom about his choices. No one. An expression of wonder spread across her pretty face.

“Aren’t you angry with me?” He sounded surprised.

“I can’t be. Thank you, Gabriel, for defending me. No one has ever done that before.”

She took his hands in hers and kissed the slightly swollen knuckles and the places where the skin had split. His battle wounds were almost as dear to her as his beautiful, expressive eyes.

“I didn’t tell my dad everything. Just that I caught him with Natalie, and that I couldn’t live with her anymore. It created a problem since my dad was dating her mom. But he never complained.”

“How very noble of him,” said Gabriel sarcastically.

“I spent a few days in Selinsgrove trying to calm down, and Dad brought me back to school. He moved me out of the dorm and into a small studio apartment. You would have laughed at it, Gabriel. It was even smaller than the one I’m in now.”

“I wouldn’t laugh.” He sounded hurt.

“It’s just that you’re so particular. You would have hated it even more than you hate my current apartment.”

“Julianne, I don’t hate your apartment. As I said before, I hate the fact that you have to live there. What happened next, after you went back to school?”

“I hid. They sort of became a couple after that, and I was afraid of running into them, so I avoided all of the places where I might be seen. I went to class, I worked on my Italian and my applications for grad school, and I stayed home. I kind of…retreated.”

“Rachel mentioned something like that.”

“I wasn’t a good friend to Rachel. After that night, I stopped taking her calls. I wouldn’t even speak to Grace, even though she wrote me the most beautiful letter. I sent your family a card at Christmas, but I was too humiliated to explain what happened. Rachel knows I caught them together because Natalie finally told her. But she doesn’t know how bad it was. And I don’t want her to know.”

“Anything you tell me is strictly between us.”

“I didn’t want to admit that I had been so stupid as to get myself into that situation. That I gave in to him for so long. That I was blind to the fact that they were together. I wanted to pretend that it happened to someone else.” She looked up into Gabriel’s face, which was remarkably sympathetic.

“Please don’t say that you are stupid ever again. Shame on them both for how they treated you. They’re the villains in this story, not you.” He kissed her forehead twice and buried his face in her long hair. “I think you need to get some sleep, sweetheart. It’s been a long day, and we want you to heal.”

“Won’t it upset your family when they realize we’re in here together?”

“They figured out we’re a couple. And for the most part, I think they approve.”

“For the most part?”

Gabriel sighed. “Richard doesn’t object to us as a couple; he has con-servative views on sex. So although I promised that we wouldn’t be doing that under his roof, he would prefer we slept in separate rooms. Although I’m sure he’d turn a blind eye tonight and tomorrow night because of what happened to you.”

“What about Rachel and Aaron? They share a room.”

“Richard doesn’t approve of that, but in his mind at least they’re getting married. Rachel has always been supportive of me, and I think she’s supportive of us.”

“What about Scott?”

“Scott is very protective of you, and he knows that I’ve been a libertine, so…”

“You weren’t a libertine. You were just lonely.”

He kissed her softly. “That’s very generous of you, but we both know it isn’t true.”

They both reclined, and Julia rested her head on his chest, running her fingers across his upper body. She hummed to herself as she mulled over his words, how he’d cared for her and wanted to worship her. They were, perhaps, the most important words she had ever heard. She traced a hesitant finger over his chest, outlining his tattoo.

Gabriel’s hand quickly covered hers. “Don’t,” he breathed, pulling her hand away.

“I’m sorry. What’s m-a-i-a?”

Julia heard him catch his breath. “I didn’t mean to bring it up. But we were telling secrets. I thought…”

Gabriel began to rub his eyes with his free hand, but he didn’t release her. “Maia is a name.” His voice grew rough.

“Did you — love her?”

“Of course I loved her.”

“Were you together long?”

He coughed. “It wasn’t like that.”

Julia squeezed him tightly and closed her eyes.

But Gabriel lay awake, staring at the ceiling for a very long time.