Hate Me

MONDAY, DECEMBER 5TH

The feel of fur.

6am

I’m up long before the ass crack of dawn. Peyton has decided that, since our dance routine is not yet perfect, we are basically going to be practicing every free moment until we get it right.

After we warm up and go through it as a group, she says, “Maggie, Keatyn, a moment.”

She pulls us into the locker room.

“Did we do something wrong?” Maggie asks her.

“No, you’re about the only ones who have the routine down. What would you think about breaking into small groups? We’ll each take a third of the team and work on a portion of the routine.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” I tell her.

“If we get them to do it well, does that mean we won’t have to practice tonight?” Maggie asks, her hands folded in prayer.

“Do you have a magic wand I don’t know about?” Peyton asks, teasing Maggie.

I have the magic wand my little sister gave me, I think, but I’m definitely not wasting a wish on a dance competition.

“All right, let’s get to it,” Peyton says.

At seven-fifteen, she finally lets us go. I get ready quickly so I can meet Aiden for breakfast.

In the café, he and Riley are the only ones sitting at our table. I can see they’re having an intense conversation.

I’m pretty sure I know what it’s about.

I grab some breakfast and join them.

“So, Riley,” I say, “based on the grin that’s plastered on your face, I’m assuming last night went well?”

His grin gets even bigger. “I want to shout it from the rooftops.”

“You gonna break out in song, too?” Aiden teases.

“So you asked her to Winter Formal, and she said yes?”

“She definitely said yes. And the next thing I know, she’s naked on the furry rug. Talk about a sight to behold. And the feel of the fur against your skin.” He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “Heaven. Seriously.”

“Soooo?”

“Are you trying to get me to spill the details of my sex life?”

“No, I’m just wondering if you have a sex life?”

Aiden and I both laugh.

“Yes, I have a sex life now. A very hot one.”

Aiden slaps him on the back, like a proud father.

“So, what about you two?” Riley shakes his finger at me and Aiden.

Aiden and I share a glance, then he says, “We want it to be special.”

“I’d highly recommend you visit the furry rug.”

“I already have something planned,” Aiden says.

I look at him, surprised. “You do?”

He gives my hand a squeeze. “Yeah, I do.”

“Hmm, on that note, I’m gonna leave you lovebirds alone.” Riley picks up his tray and leaves.

“Do you actually have something planned or did you just say that to get him off the subject?”

“I actually have something planned.”

“Winter Formal?” I guess.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

He grins at me. “Yeah. And I’m not saying anything else. It’s supposed to be a surprise.”

“How do you even know I want to?” I tease.

He smirks at me, running his hand up my thigh and his lips across my cheek. “Your body talks to me.”

Damn his godly powers.

“Oh, it does, does it? What’s it telling you now?” I lean away from him.

He follows me, putting his lips on my neck. “That when my lips touch your neck it makes you wet.”

“It does not!” I lean farther away from his lips.

I think I’m fairly convincing in my lie, until his eyes catch me in their tractor beams.

I know without a doubt that he can read the desire in them.

The bell rings, saving me from further conversation about the current state of my lady parts.

Or not.

When we’re outside my history class, he gives me the kind of kiss that makes me want to do him right here in the hall.

He doesn’t say anything when he lets me go.

He doesn’t have to.

I’ll hide behind you.

English

I’m starting to think Cupid is shooting his arrows a little early. When I sit down in English, Dallas looks at me with hearts in his eyes and mutters a single word.

“Kassidy.”

“The cheerleader?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “More like the hottest newly-single cheerleader. And the best part about her breakup is she’s not weepy and sad. She’s pissed.”

“Have you hung out with her?”

“Yeah, last night after curfew. While Riley and Ariela were getting it on at Stockton’s, we were getting it on. Guess where.” He breaks out laughing.

“Ohmigawd! You didn’t!?”

He laughs again. “Oh, but I did.”

“Riley’s going to be horrified.”

Our teacher starts talking but Dallas whispers, “You better not tell him.”

“I won’t have to. You won’t be able to keep your mouth shut about it.”

“Ha. I’ll spring it on him at the right time. I’ll hide behind you when I do, though. I don’t wanna end up like Aiden.”

“Chicken shit.” I laugh.

“So, I’m going to ask her to Winter Formal. How should I do it?”

“Ha! Maybe you should buy her a furry rug.”

Dallas’ eyes get huge. “You, my friend, are fucking brilliant.”

“I wasn’t being serious.”

“I am. I think she’d love it! She kept talking about how soft it was. Plus, only we would know what it means. She’s got a good sense of humor. I think she’d get a kick out of it.”

“And if you give it to her in front of Riley, you’re gonna get a kick out of it, too.”

Flowers, and romance.

Ceramics

Aiden walks me to ceramics class.

“Is your bowl finished?”

“Yes, but you can’t see it.”

“Why?”

“I decided to give it to you.”

His face brightens. “Really?”

I nod. “I have to touch it up today. I wanted to have it in time for your birthday but I missed class because of all the French stuff.”

He corners me at the end of the hall, his chest pressing against mine.

“That bowl is special,” he says.

“That’s why I want you to have it. Something to remember me by.”

Shit.

I didn’t mean to say that.

“Remember you by?”

“Uh, remember us.”

“There’s no way I’ll ever forget you.”

I want to say, I hope not. I want to tell him all about the stuff that went down with Vincent—how scared I was standing up to him. I want to tell him that he’s a big part of why I’m doing it. “I hope not.”

He gives me a single perfect kiss.

“Gonna be kind of hard to forget you considering I’ll be with you. Our ten year plan includes college, marriage, and at least a couple of those four kids we’re destined to have.”

I smile and roll my eyes at him. “You really think that palm reading stuff is true?”

He laughs, deep and sexy. “Maybe. I like my plan the best.”

The bell rings, so he gives me one more kiss and rushes off late for class.

I’m barely in my seat when Jake says, “All right. Winter Formal. Me and Annie. Think glitter, flowers, and romance. What can I do?”

“I still can’t believe you guys did it,” I whisper.

He whispers back, “Last night too.”

“Oh my gosh. Did everyone do it last night but me?”

Bryce breaks into a grin of his own.

Jake says to him, “You too?”

Although Bryce doesn’t answer the question, his face is one big smile.

“So, when are you and Aiden?” Jake asks.

“When we want to.”

“So, you don’t want him?”

“Yes, I do. It’s just complicated.”

“I know you did it fast with Dawson. Why is it complicated with Aiden?”

“It just is. So, how are you going to ask Annie?”

“She’s one of those fairy tale girls.”

“What do you mean?”

“She wants the fairy tale.”

“We all do, Jake. You want to make the big gesture.”

“Exactly. Would it be lame if I wore my prince costume from the play?”

“What else are you thinking?”

“I’m not sure. I wish it would snow big. It’d be fun to ask her outside, throw glitter down on her from, like, the dorm window or something. Ride up on a horse.”

“It’d be easy to set up on the stage in the auditorium. We could have glitter and fake snow float down from the sky. You could use the castle backdrop. It’s too bad we don’t hold pep rallies there.”

“Wait. That’s it. I’ll do it at the pep rally.”

“Do what?”

“Shhh,” he says, as he gets out a notebook and starts making a list.

Broke me inside.

Soccer

I get Cooper to let me leave soccer a few minutes early, sneak into his office, and call Damian.

I need to know something.

When he answers, I say, “Damian, in St. Croix you were going to tell me something.”

“Yeah.”

“Was it that B is seeing someone?”

“Yes.”

“Are they serious?”

“You know B. He doesn't really do serious. I met her in Japan.”

“What was she like?”

“She works for one of his sponsors—selling t-shirts and modeling bikinis in their tent—so she travels around with the tour. She's blonde, cute. Honestly, she reminds me of you. But . . .”

“But what?”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but she reminds me of the old you.”

“The old me?”

“She does whatever Brook tells her to do. When you guys were touring with us, when he was complaining, all that mattered to you was keeping him happy. Even if it didn’t make you happy. It wasn’t until that last night in London that you stood up to him.”

“So you don’t think it will work out if we got a second chance?”

“I’m not saying that. He’s changed too. He’s not high all the time. He’s more driven and focused. And, for god’s sake, he has a Vuitton duffel bag. I about fell out of my chair when I saw that. All I could think about was your argument about good luggage.”

“That makes me laugh, Damian.”

“Remember what I told you on beach?”

“About living now?”

“Yep. And, selfishly, I’d like you to marry Aiden, so we can be in-laws.”

“I saw you on the cover of the new Teen Beat.”

“And page twelve of People magazine.”

“Please make sure no one photographs you and Peyton together.”

“They won’t. It’s going to be a long, lonely week. Video chatting just isn’t doing it for me. Well, it sorta does it for me. Last night she was wearing a hot little nightie.”

“Do you and B talk much?”

“I talked to him on his birthday, but we’re both busy and, honestly, what we’ve always had in common is you. So, not to change the subject, but I wrote a song for Peyton.”

“The one we worked on at The Crab?”

“No, that’s not finished. This is a new one. I was thinking about singing it to her this weekend, but I don’t want her to think it’s dumb. If I play if for you, will you tell me if it’s lame?”

“Tommy says you know who your true friends are if they’ll tell you the truth.”

“And I know you will. Hang on, let me grab my guitar.”

I wait for a second, then Damian says, “I’m putting you on speaker. Here goes.”

“When the stars come out at night,

It's like when you walked in my life.

Burning so bright,

You became my light.

Oh-ooooh-ooooh-oooh,

Burning so bright.

We’ll light up the sky,

Like a meteorite.

With our hearts full of fire,

We’re pulsing inside.

Sparked by the flames

Of a burning desire.

Oh-ooooh-ooooh-oooh,

Burning so bright.

We’ll light up the sky,

Like a meteorite.

The day we said goodbye

Nearly broke me inside.

And the light won't return

Until you're in my arms, girl.

Oh-ooooh-ooooh-oooh,

Burning so bright.

We’ll light up the sky,

Like a meteorite.

Oh-ooooh-ooooh-oooh,

Oh-ooooh-ooooh-oooh.”

He stops strumming his guitar.

“Damian, I’m in tears. The part about saying goodbye. It’s beautiful. And I love the long oohs. Your voice is just so damn dreamy. You seriously amaze me. I don’t think I could ever write something so beautiful.”

“You wouldn’t change anything? Nothing sounds dumb?”

“I wouldn’t change a word. Just know that she’s totally going to cry. She’s a lucky girl, Damian.”

“I think I’m the lucky one. I’m glad you like it. Do you think it’s good enough for me to share with the band?”

“Hell, yes. Is it harder for you to share the ones about her?”

“Yeah, they’re so personal that I lose my ability to be objective.”

“You shouldn’t. You sang that with so much emotion it gave me goose bumps. Hey, random thought, but make sure there are no pics of our families together lying around when she comes to your house.”

“I’m one step ahead of you. All right, I gotta get to the studio.”

“Bye, Damian.”

I lean back in Cooper’s chair, replaying Damian’s song in my head and thinking about B. I know that the day we said goodbye broke me inside.

But I don’t really feel broken anymore.

I just need to figure out a way to keep him safe.

And I think I know how.

Me: I’ve been thinking about your safety. You should take the photos of me off your Facebook page and start putting up photos of you and her. Maybe if Vincent thinks you’ve moved on, he won’t feel the need to follow you.

B: I’m sorry about everything. I think it’s good we’re seeing other people.

Me: You’re not jealous?

B: I’m trying not to be. It’s kind of like when I told you I was going on tour. You said you were happy for me, just not happy for you. That’s kind of how I feel.

Me: That’s kinda how I feel too. I saw her hug you after you surfed. I couldn’t help but wonder if Vincent hadn’t happened if that would’ve been me. Or if you’d have been with her anyway.

B: Remember what I told you? That it doesn’t matter where you’ve been, Keats, only where you end up.

Me: I remember.

B: It’s where we END UP THAT MATTERS.

Me: I want to be back on our beach.

B: We will be. And we’ll figure it all out then. Damian told me what you did. How you danced at a club in front of Vincent. Part of me thinks you’re crazy. Part of me thinks you’re really brave.

Me: Thank you. I have to get to dance. Congrats on 3^rd place this weekend.

B: <3

Random.

10:45pm

Dance goes from after school until curfew. Peyton only lets us stop to drink water and eat the sandwiches she had brought in for dinner.

Katie and I both fall flat on our backs in bed the second we walk into our room.

“I’m exhausted. How in the world am I supposed to stay up and do homework?” she groans.

“I don’t know. I’m tired too.”

“The bad news is, I still don’t have that tricky footwork in the second part down.”

“You’ll get to work on it tomorrow morning.”

“I can’t believe we have to be back at six. It’s just wrong.”

“We don’t want to embarrass our school though.”

“That’s true. Do you care if I take a shower first?”

“Naw, go ahead. I’m going to call Aiden.”

Before I call him, I read through all the adorable, random texts he sent me tonight.

Hottie God: Riley says I need to lie naked on the furry rug in your room. Would you mind?

Hottie God: I miss you.

Hottie God: I’m going to fail the French test. Annie is as bad at speaking as I am.

Hottie God: I wish you could come to our away game.

Hottie God: Can’t wait until this weekend at your loft.

Hottie God: My mom is taking me shopping for my birthday.

Hottie God: I miss you.

Hottie God: We just took down the Eiffel Tower. All the cardboard was starting to fall off it and we were told it was a hazard. :(

“Hey, Boots,” he answers.

“Hey, yourself. I got all your texts.”

“Ha. Random, right?”

“They were cute. And in reply, I would say: you can get naked on my furry rug anytime you want, providing I get to watch; I can’t wait until this weekend either; I was sad to see the Eiffel Tower gone; and what are you going to shop for?”

“You forgot something.”

“What did I forget?”

“That you missed me too.”

“I missed you too, Aiden. It’s part of why I can’t wait for this weekend. Are you going to tell me what you have planned for after Winter Formal?”

“Nope. And I’m shopping for clothes.”

“I wish I could do that instead of the dance competition. I’m starting to get nervous for it.”

“Peyton says you and Maggie have the routine down.”

“We do. And our small group hip-hop routine is really good. I feel great about that. But I want the whole team to place.”

“I’m sure you will. I won’t get to see you tomorrow night either,” he says sadly.

“I know. Sucks. I’d like to meet you at Stockton’s but I’m just too tired.”

“Meet me for breakfast?”

“That sounds good. Night, Aiden.”

“Night, Boots.”

After I hang up, I decide to skip my shower and do something for Aiden instead.

Look outside.

3am

I wake up to the sound of my phone vibrating.

I open one eye and see that Aiden’s calling.

“Open your curtains and look outside,” he says, sounding way too chipper for whatever the hell time in the morning it is.

“Uh, what time is it?”

“Doesn’t matter. Open them!”

I stumble out of bed and, with one eye still shut, pull open my curtains.

“Oh my gosh!” I whisper, seeing both falling snow and Aiden outside.

I push open the window.

“Get dressed and come outside!”

I run into my closet, using my phone as a flashlight, pull on some clothes, and then launch myself out the window.

The ground is covered with a thick layer of snow. There are millions of white flakes falling and sparkling in the moonlight.

“It’s so pretty!” I say as Aiden takes my hand.

“Look at the trees. They’re all covered in ice.”

“Oh, Aiden. I’ve never seen trees like that. It’s like a real life winter fairyland!”

I run over to one of the trees and feel a branch. It’s slick and frozen.

“Have you never seen snow before, California girl?”

“I have. This is just different. When I’ve been to places with snow, the snow was already there. You know, like, you fly into a ski resort and there’s suddenly snow everywhere.”

I hold my arms out and twirl in a circle, sticking out my tongue and letting the snowflakes melt on it.

Aiden does the same.

As I watch him, I realize that my heart is like one of these snowflakes.

Aiden has been slowly melting it.

He leaves his tongue out and pulls me into his arms, touching the tip of his tongue to mine, so we’re catching snowflakes together.

When other students start wandering out of the dorms, he says, “I knew it wouldn’t last long.”

“What wouldn’t?”

“Us being alone out here.” He kisses my forehead. “I’m glad you got to experience the quiet of it.”

“It’s beautiful, Aiden. Thanks for waking me up.”

He smiles at me, then grabs a handful of snow and shoves it down my shirt.

“Ahhh!!” I scream. “What the hell?”

“It’s tradition. Eastbrooke students always have a huge snowball fight to celebrate the first big snow. It’s about to get crazy!”

“Really? How fun!”

I drop to the ground and quickly start stockpiling snowballs.

After about four, though, my hands get cold.

“I need to buy waterproof gloves.”

He slips my wet gloves off and brings my hands up to his face. “They’re cold.”

He takes my hands and puts them underneath his shirt—on his bare skin—to warm them up.

I stare into his eyes and watch the snow fall around him. Then I stand on my tiptoes to kiss . . .

SPLAT!!

A snowball hits me right in the cheek.

I turn toward the direction it came from to find Riley and Ariela grinning at us.

“They’re dead,” Aiden says.

He takes his snow gloves off, blows warm air into them, and then puts them on me. “Go get ’em!”

I grab my pile of snowballs, hide behind a tree, and launch them at Riley and Ariela, who have taken off running.

I’m bending down to make another snowball when Dallas shoves a bunch of snow down the back of my shirt.

I scream and go running behind Aiden for protection.

The snowball fight continues until the sun comes up.