IF MARK was annoyed at Dee playing gooseberry, he didn’t show it. At the cinema he paid for her seat, placed her so that he was sitting between them and bought her an ice cream. When the lights went down, she sensed that he slipped his arm round the back of Sylvia’s seat and turned his head in her direction.
After a while a woman in the row behind tapped him on the shoulder.
‘Do you mind not leaning so close to your girlfriend?’ she hissed indignantly. ‘You’re blocking my view.’
He apologised, and after that he behaved like a perfect gentleman.
When they left the cinema the lovers were in dreamily happy moods, but Dee was disgruntled.
‘It was awful,’ she complained. ‘Not a bit like the book.’
‘It’s a film,’ he objected mildly.
‘But the book is by Charles Dickens,’ she said, as though that settled the matter. ‘And they changed things. The Ghost of Christmas Past was played by a girl, they cut out Scrooge’s fiancée and-oh, lots of things.’
‘Did they?’ he asked blankly. ‘I didn’t notice. Does it matter?’
‘Of course it matters,’ she said urgently. ‘Things should be done right.’
‘Never mind her,’ Sylvia said, peevish at having the romantic atmosphere dispelled. ‘She’s always finding fault.’
Mark grinned, his good temper unruffled. ‘Hey, you’re a real stickler, aren’t you?’ he challenged Dee.
‘What’s wrong with that?’ she demanded.
‘Nothing, nothing,’ he said with comic haste. ‘Just remind me not to get on your wrong side.’
Still clowning, he edged away from her, but added, ‘I’m only joking.’
‘Well, you shouldn’t be,’ Sylvia put in. ‘People do get scared of Dee because she’s always so grim and practical.’
‘I’m not grim,’ Dee said, trying to keep the hurt out of her voice, but failing.
Perhaps Mark heard it because he said quickly, ‘Of course you’re not. You just like to be precise and correct. Good for you. A nurse needs to be like that. Who’d want to be nursed by someone who was all waffly and emotional? I’ll bet when you were at school, your best subjects were maths and science.’
‘They were,’ she said, warmed by his understanding.
‘There you are, then. You’ve got what my father used to call a masculine mind.’
The warmth faded. He considered her precise, correct and unemotional, practically a man. And she was supposed to be flattered. But then, she thought sadly, he had no idea that his words hurt her. Nor did he care. He’d merely been spreading his charm around to avoid an argument. She pulled herself together and answered him lightly.
‘You don’t have to be a man to appreciate scientific advances. That film we saw tonight was in black and white, but one day they’ll all be in colour.’
‘Oh, come on!’ Sylvia exclaimed cynically.
‘No, she’s right,’ Mark said. ‘They’re making a film of Gone with the Wind right now, and I’ve heard that’s in colour.’
‘Yes, important films, with big stars,’ Sylvia agreed. ‘But they’ll never make ordinary films like that. It’s too difficult and expensive. There are limits.’
‘No, there aren’t!’ Dee said at once. ‘There are no limits. Not just in films but in anything. In life. No limits.’
‘You’re just a little girl,’ Sylvia said dismissively. ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Yes, she does,’ Mark said. ‘She’s right about that. You can’t live life to the full if you set limits on everything.’
From Sylvia’s expression, it was clear that she didn’t know what he was talking about and was simply exasperated with the pair of them. Mark slipped his arm comfortingly about her, but at the same time he gave Dee a wink that was…that was…she struggled for the right word.
Conspiratorial, that was it; a look that said they shared a secret knowledge that Sylvia couldn’t understand.
Her heart soared again and she began to make plans for when they got home. She would lure him into a discussion about great matters-knowledge, life, no limits, and the mental bond they shared would grow firmer.
But, once inside, he yawned and said he was tired, which Dee didn’t believe for a moment. There was no high-flown discussion, only a time of lying in the darkness knowing that Mark and Sylvia were downstairs, sharing a passionate goodnight. Mental bonds were all very well, but they couldn’t compete with Sylvia’s curves or the come-hither look in her eye. It was a painful lesson in reality.
Christmas was getting closer. Mark started work in the garage, Sylvia was deluged with customers in the dress shop, but the one with the longest hours was Dee. Coming home late from the hospital one night, she fell asleep on the bus and woke to find Mark shaking her.
‘When the bus came I could see you inside, fast asleep. You’d have been carried on, so we had to jump on and rouse you.’
‘We?’ she asked sleepily, looking around.
Then she realised that Billy was there, too.
‘We went for a walk,’ Mark explained. ‘I saw the bus in the distance and I knew you were due home soon, so we waited at the stop.’
‘What’s that creature doing ’ere?’ the conductor growled. ‘He’s dangerous.’
‘He’s not dangerous and we’re just getting off,’ Mark said, rising and pulling the cord.
‘Not until you’ve paid your fare.’
Then things became comical because Mark had come out without money, and Dee had to pay for him. They descended onto the pavement, hysterical with mirth.
‘I guess I’m not cut out to be a knight in shining armour, rescuing a damsel in distress,’ he said. ‘I’d leave the sword behind and have to borrow hers.’
‘It’s not your fault,’ she protested. ‘You didn’t know you were going to need money when you came out. I expect even Sir Lancelot was short of four pence sometimes.’
‘Which one was he?’
‘The most famous one who sat at the Round Table. He flirted with King Arthur’s wife Guinevere, and was banished in disgrace.’
‘That sounds like me. Did he ever borrow money from Guinevere?’
‘The legend doesn’t say.’
‘I expect he did. He probably took her to a café one evening and she had to pay for it.’ He indicated a little café just up ahead. ‘That would really annoy her, even if he promised to pay her back afterwards.’
‘Very bad.’ She nodded solemnly. ‘She probably slammed his helmet down on his head. But she bought him a cup of tea afterwards.’
‘But how could he drink it if his helmet was slammed down?’ Mark wanted to know. ‘She slipped up there.’
‘I suppose he could raise it,’ she mused. ‘Unless, of course, it jammed.’
‘Bound to, I should think.’
Exchanging ridiculous gobbledegook, they wandered on to the café. At the entrance he said, ‘Maybe they won’t let Billy in. I should have thought of that.’
‘Don’t worry. The owner is a friend of Dad’s and he likes Billy.’
By lucky chance, Frank, the owner, was standing near the door. He ushered them in and fetched Billy a bowl of water before bringing them tea and buns.
‘You won’t tell anyone, will you?’ Mark begged. ‘My reputation would never recover.’
‘What, that you drink something as unmanly as tea with two sugars? Of course not. Nothing less than a pint of beer for you.’
‘That’s not what I meant and you know it. If people found out that I had to let you pay for this, my reputation would never recover.’
‘True,’ she said in a considering voice. ‘Perhaps I won’t tell anyone just yet. I’ll keep it in reserve to blackmail you with. I’ll enjoy that.’
He grinned. ‘That’s all right, then.’
‘Meaning that you think I wouldn’t?’
‘No, I’m sure you would. I’ve sized you up as a very tough character and I’m treading carefully. You scare me.’
‘Oh, stop talking nonsense!’ she chuckled, but in truth she didn’t want him to stop. She wanted to sit here talking nonsense with him for ever.
‘Yes, ma’am, no, ma’am, anything you say, ma’am. Shall I go down on one knee?’
‘I’ll chuck this tea over you in a minute.’
‘That would be a waste after what you paid for it.’
That sent them both off in more gales of mirth, while Billy glanced from one to the other with a look that said there was no understanding humans.
‘Sylvia tells me you’re on duty over Christmas,’ he observed.
‘Someone has to be. People still get sick.’
‘But surely you’re still a student?’
‘Yes, but there are some things I can do. A dogsbody is always needed.’
He regarded her with admiration. ‘Giving up Christmas to fetch and carry. Good for you. I couldn’t do it. I like to enjoy myself, but I suppose you get your kicks out of doing good works.’
She made a face. ‘Don’t make me sound like some dreary embodiment of virtue. I don’t want to work over Christmas either, but it’s the job I’ve chosen. The dull bits are worth it for the wonderful bits. Good works, my foot!’
‘I didn’t mean to offend you.’
‘Don’t you put up with the dull bits of engines for the sake of the others?’
‘There aren’t any dull bits in my job. If there were, I wouldn’t do it.’
‘But life has dull bits. You can’t opt out of them.’
‘I can try. Live for the moment. Tomorrow may never come.’
‘Do you know,’ she said, suddenly struck, ‘I hear a lot of people talking like that in the hospital. They’re convinced there’s going to be a war and they must make the most of what time they have now.’
‘Very wise of them.’
‘Does that mean you think there’s going to be a war?’ she asked seriously. ‘People talk about it but-I just can’t believe it.’
‘Of course. Hasn’t our Prime Minister assured us that Hitler is a man he can trust?’
He was referring to Neville Chamberlain who, following Hitler’s aggressive behaviour in Europe, had gone to meet him in September and returned, apparently reassured. Two weeks later he’d attended a conference with Hitler and signed an agreement accepting the annexation of the Sudetenland. On his return to England, he’d given a speech at the airport promising ‘peace for our time’.
‘It sounds all right,’ Dee said, ‘and yet-’
‘And yet the government is already issuing gas masks and sending children away to the country for their own safety,’ Mark continued. ‘Does that look like peace in our time? Of course not. Winston Churchill was right.’
‘Who’s he?’
‘An MP. He’s always been a rebel voice and just now he’s a bit of an outsider, but he talks a lot of sense. He said you can’t make yourself safe by throwing a small country to the wolves. And he’s right. We’ll know in a few months.’
Until now, Dee had seen mainly Mark’s flippant side. Hearing him talk in this serious way was almost like listening to a different man, but the very strangeness made her alert. She shivered. In a little while the skies might darken.
‘Will you be drafted into the army?’ she asked.
‘I won’t wait for that. I’ll join the Air Force. I’ve always wanted to fly a plane and this could be my chance.’ His eyes gleamed as though for a moment he’d forgotten everything but the hope of adventure.
‘Yes, this could be your chance to get killed or horribly injured,’ she said crossly.
He shrugged. ‘That’s the risk you take. The best fun always involves a risk.’
‘Fun?’ she said, aghast. ‘The most terrible danger and you call it fun?’
‘The more danger, the more fun,’ he said irrepressibly.
‘Surely there’s more to life than fun?’
‘Is there?’ he asked innocently. ‘What?’
She didn’t try to answer. After all, he was right. There was no point in being gloomy. Enjoy the moment, especially if the moment could be spent like this, alone with him, enjoying all his attention, feeling their minds meet.
She guessed that he didn’t share such understanding with Sylvia. Her attraction for him was something very different, nothing to do with minds or understanding. Tonight was special because it was hers, all hers.
‘I don’t suppose it will happen at all,’ he said in a reassuring tone.
‘That’s not what you really think, is it?’ she said. ‘You’re just trying to make the silly little girl stop worrying.’
‘I don’t think of you as a silly little girl,’ he said seriously. ‘How can you be? You’re a nurse. People depend on you for their lives.’
‘Then heaven help them!’ she said wryly. ‘Mr Royce says it’ll be a long time before he’ll put anyone’s life in my hands because I’d only drop it.’
‘Who’s Mr Royce?’
‘He’s a surgeon at the hospital. He’s given the students a couple of lectures. I asked him a question once. I thought it was quite clever, but as soon as the words were out I knew it was idiotic. He just looked at me wryly and shook his head. Afterwards, he told me to go and have a cup of tea. He said I looked as if I needed it. And I really did need it.’
‘He didn’t offer to buy it for you?’
‘Goodness, no!’ she said, shocked. ‘He’s the Great Man of the hospital. Students are beneath his notice, unless he’s telling them how they did something wrong.’
‘Does he tell you that often?’
‘All the time. So does Matron, and the ward sisters. In fact, I’m just useless. I’ll fail all my exams and probably have to go into the forces.’ An imp of mischief made her add, ‘Perhaps they’ll let me join the Air Force. They say women will be allowed in very soon. I’ll fly about the heavens and you can be my mechanic on the ground.’ She giggled at the thought.
Mark listened with a sardonic expression. ‘Be very careful what you say,’ he warned. ‘They may let women in the Air Force, but they will not let them fly, not if they have any sense. You will be my mechanic.’
‘Aren’t you afraid that I’ll sabotage your engine?’ she teased.
He assumed a lofty tone. ‘On second thoughts, I think you should stay quietly in the kitchen, which is where a woman belongs. I don’t know why we ever gave you the vote. All right, all right, don’t eat me!’
He edged away, holding up his arms in a theatrical parody of self-defence.
‘I’ve a good mind to set Billy on you,’ she laughed.
‘He wouldn’t do it,’ Mark observed. ‘We’re the best of friends.’
As if to confirm it, Billy put his nose on Mark’s knee, gazing up at him worshipfully. Mark scratched his ears, returning a look that was almost as loving.
Dee was fascinated by this new side of him. His normal persona-cool, collected and humorous-had relaxed into the kind of daft adoration that dogs seemed able to inspire. She watched them for a while, smiling, until he looked up and coloured self-consciously.
‘I always wanted a dog,’ he said, ‘but my mother wouldn’t allow it. I tend to get rather stupid about other people’s.’
‘I don’t think you’re stupid because you like Billy,’ she said. ‘I’d think you were stupid if you didn’t. When I set my heart on a dog my parents weren’t keen either, but I pestered and pestered until they gave me Billy for my seventh birthday.’
‘Pestering my mother would only have brought me a clip round the ear,’ he said wryly. ‘She didn’t like what she called “insolence”.’
‘She sounds terrible.’
‘No, she just had a very hard life. She was devastated after my father left.’
‘I thought you said he died.’
‘He did, eventually, but he deserted her first. Keep that to yourself, I don’t tell everyone.’
She nodded, understanding the message that he hadn’t told Sylvia.
‘Unfortunately for us both,’ he went on, ‘I look very much like my father, and it didn’t help.’
‘She blamed you for that?’ Dee demanded, aghast.
‘It wasn’t her fault,’ Mark said quickly. ‘She couldn’t cope with her feelings, she didn’t know what to do with me.’
‘How old were you when your father left?’
‘Six, and ten when he died.’
‘No brothers or sisters?’
‘No, I wish I had. It would have helped if there had been more of us. Or one of you,’ he added, looking down at Billy. ‘You’d have been a good friend.’
‘She should have let you have a dog,’ Dee said. ‘You’d have been easier for her to cope with.’
‘I got one once,’ he said with a wry smile of recollection. ‘It was a stray and quite small, so I took him home and hid him. I managed to keep him a secret for two days before my mother found out.’
‘What did she do?’ Dee asked, although she was afraid to hear.
‘I came home from school one day and he’d vanished. I went through every room looking for him, but he wasn’t there. She said he must have run away, but I found out afterwards that she’d thrown him out in the rain.’
‘Did she give you a clip round the ear?’
‘Mmm! But I was defiant. I went looking for him.’
‘Did you ever find him?’
‘Yes, I found his body in a pile of rubbish on the street. From the look of him, he’d starved to death.’
‘Did you tell your mother?’
Mark shook his head.
She hesitated a moment before asking, ‘Did she hit you often?’
‘Now and then. When things got on top of her, she’d lash out. I learned to keep out of her way and stay quiet.’
Suddenly he raised his head. ‘Hey, what is this? Why are we being so gloomy? It’s way in the past, all over.’
She’d liked him before, but now she liked him even more for this brief glimpse into the unhappy childhood that must have made him as he was today. She guessed that it wasn’t over, whatever he said.
‘Nobody realised Billy was going to grow so enormous,’ she said. ‘He’s really too big for that little house so I take him for walks whenever I can. Thank you for bringing him out.’
‘He’s marvellous company.’ Frowning, he added, ‘He must be about eleven, quite old.’
‘Yes, I know I won’t have him much longer so I make the most of every day. I can’t bear to think of life without him.’
‘I can imagine. He’s exactly the dog I’d have liked.’ Mark turned his attention back to Billy. ‘D’you hear that? You’ve got a fan club right here.’
‘I’m jealous,’ Dee said, regarding Billy, who was receiving Mark’s caresses with every sign of bliss. ‘Normally he’s only like that with me.’
‘I guess he knows a willing slave when he sees one. Hey, the owner’s trying to attract our attention. I think he wants to close.’
They took the journey home at a gentle stroll, enjoying the pleasant evening, which was mild for winter, with a bright sky. Once Mark stopped and gazed upwards, prompting her to say, ‘Are you thinking of how soon you can be up there?’
‘If there’s a war. There might not be.’
‘Then you’d have to forget planes and enjoy motorbikes. It must be thrilling to go at that speed.’
‘I’ll take you some time. Sylvia didn’t like it, but I think you would.’
‘Mmm, yes, please!’
He laughed and put a casual arm about her shoulders. ‘You know, it’s funny,’ he mused. ‘I’ve only known you a short time-but that’s really all you need, isn’t it?’
‘Is it?’ she asked breathlessly.
‘Yes. I already feel that you’re my best friend. I think I knew from the start, when we understood each other at once. Normally, a man wouldn’t want a woman to understand him too well, but in you I like it. It’s almost as though you’re my sister. You don’t mind my saying that, do you?’
‘Not at all,’ she said brightly. ‘I’ve always wanted a brother.’
‘Really? What a coincidence. I’ve often thought it would be nice to have a sister, preferably a younger one.’
‘Yes, so that she could help you out of trouble without complaining, and let you get away with murder,’ Dee said tartly.
He laughed. ‘You see? You understand my requirements instinctively. What a fantastic sister to have!’
And she really would be his sister when he married Sylvia. With a sinking heart, she realised that he was preparing her for the announcement of the marriage.
Sylvia was waiting for them on the front step. ‘Where have you been?’ she demanded. ‘You said you were taking Billy for a walk and you just vanished.’
He explained about rescuing Dee from the bus. ‘So naturally I had to take her for a cup of tea.’
‘That’s right, I was dying for one,’ Dee said. ‘But Sir Lancelot rescued me.’
‘Who?’ Sylvia asked.
‘Never mind,’ Mark said, hastily drawing her aside.
Dee took Billy into the kitchen and released him from his lead while she explained to Helen.
‘I hope that doesn’t mean you don’t want your tea,’ her mother said practically. ‘It’ll be on the table in a minute.’
‘I’m starving.’
On her way through the hall she was waylaid by Mark, hastily thrusting some money into her hand.
‘That’s too much,’ she said, examining it.
‘Give me the change later,’ he muttered. ‘Just don’t tell-Sylvia!’
‘What’s going on?’ Sylvia demanded, seeming to appear out of nowhere. ‘Why are you giving Dee money?’
Quick as a flash, Dee replied, ‘He’s not giving it to me, he’s lending it to me. I really try to manage on what I earn but I’m a bit short this week, so Mark’s helping me out. Don’t tell Mum, will you?’
‘Of course not, but why didn’t you ask me? I’ve helped you out before.’
‘I know, and I didn’t feel I could ask you again, and Mark’s been so chivalrous.’
Somewhere in the atmosphere she was aware of Mark, torn in two directions; half of him grateful for her quick-witted rescue, the other half fighting to keep a straight face.
Sylvia remained oblivious to the undercurrents. ‘You mustn’t borrow money from Mark,’ she said. ‘It isn’t proper. I’ll lend you what you need. Now, give him that money back.’
‘Yes, Sylvia,’ she said meekly, handing the cash over but unable to meet Mark’s eyes.
Nor could he meet hers. And somehow that made the secret all the sweeter.
It seems so trivial, looking back, but your masculine pride was involved, which made it important. I still laugh when I remember how horrified you were, and how we had to sneak a meeting later so that you could give me the money again. How grateful you were to me for putting Sylvia off the scent, and how happy I was!
Christmas was wonderful, just because you were there. You gave us all presents, even Billy. He was overjoyed with that noisy toy you bought him and drove us all crazy with it, bless him! You gave Sylvia a pretty necklace, and me a purse saying it was ‘to keep my money safe’, putting your fingers over your lips. It meant the world to me that we shared a secret, even if you did spoil it a bit by saying, ‘What a sister I have!’
That wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but she could always take you away from me. She was the one you kissed under the mistletoe, while I looked away, then looked back. Seeing you like that hurt terribly, but I couldn’t turn away again.
And then it was New Year’s Eve, and that was when I discovered things I hadn’t suspected before, things I didn’t understand…