His Diamond Bride

CHAPTER SIX

ONE night in March, when Mark was to take her out for supper, she arrived home from work, expecting to find him.

‘He’s not here,’ her father said. ‘I had to give him the day off.’

‘But where has he gone?’

‘I don’t know. He wouldn’t say. Very mysterious, he was. But he wants you to meet him at that new café down the road, and he says you’re to wear your best dress.’

On winged feet she flew down the street, bursting into the café and looking around for him eagerly.

He wasn’t there.

Never mind. Soon. Just be patient. She ordered a pot of tea and settled down to wait and plan. Between work and studying her schedule was heavy, but still she could count on an outing with him once a week, to maintain their pretence. And she would use that time to win his heart, so that gradually she would become his real girlfriend and then…perhaps…

Be sensible. You’re not a lovelorn dreamer. You’re Nurse Parsons, top of the class, probably Matron Parsons one day.

But who wanted to be sensible? With a little female cunning, it could all be made to happen just as she wanted. She began to feel like the scheming, adventurous women of history. Messalina, Delilah, Cleopatra; they had nothing on her. Soon Mark would sigh at her feet.

Or at least he might if he were here.

She had to wait an hour for him, but her heart soared when she saw his expression. He was lit up, brilliant with excitement. He rushed over, planted a kiss on her mouth, then settled in the seat opposite, holding her hands in his and almost shaking them in his eagerness.

She could have wept with joy to think that a meeting with her could do this to him.

‘I can’t tell you-’ he said, almost stammering. ‘If you only knew-all the way here I’ve been thinking what to say-’

‘To say what?’ she begged, inwardly singing.

‘I’ve done it at last. It came over me suddenly that this was the perfect time. I lay awake all last night planning it, and this morning I asked your father for the day off.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I’ve done it. I’ve joined up.’

‘You’ve-what?’

‘I’ve joined the Air Force. Not the official force but the Auxiliaries.’

She knew what he meant because since the time he’d first mentioned his desire to fly, she’d done some reading on the subject. The Auxiliary Air Force was a corps of civilians who learned flying skills and were ready to be called up if war broke out.

‘I’ll stay here,’ Mark said, ‘but go for training at weekends. When the war begins, I’ll become part of the official force.’

‘When it begins? Not if?’

‘Come on, we all know what’s going to happen. They’re about to start conscripting men of my age, and if I’d left it any longer I could have been drafted into the army. By acting now, I’ve made sure I choose the service I want to join. And it means I can learn to fly. Isn’t that wonderful?’

‘Wonderful,’ she echoed.

And that was it. The dream of winning his love, his joyful look that she’d thought was for her-what had she been thinking of? He barely knew she existed.

Stupid, stupid girl! Sit here and listen to him, try to sound enthusiastic, don’t let him guess what you’re really feeling.

‘It’ll be easier on you, too,’ he said. ‘I won’t be around so much so you won’t have to pretend to be my girlfriend nearly as often. We’ll just make an appearance now and then.’

‘That’s very thoughtful of you,’ she said faintly.

Sylvia seemed to be there whispering, Be careful. He’s not thinking of you really. He’s done what he wants.

‘You said once that you dreamed of flying,’ she mused.

‘Someone told me you had to have the “right background” before the Auxiliaries would look at you. But they’re taking in more people now because they know what’s coming. And I’m going to be part of it. I’m going to be a pilot, maybe fly a Spitfire or a Hurricane, and it’ll be the best thing that ever happened to me.’

‘Unless you get killed,’ she murmured.

‘I won’t get killed. I’m indestructible.’

‘But you’re getting ready to fight. You could be shot down, or just crash.’

‘Why are you being so gloomy?’ he asked, faintly irritated. ‘I’ve got my heart’s desire and you can only look on the dark side.’

‘Well, if you got hurt or killed I would find that rather gloomy,’ she said, troubled by his inability to understand.

‘That’s very nice of you, but let’s not dwell on something that isn’t going to happen. Come on, let’s get out of here and celebrate.’

‘Is this why I’m in my best dress?’

‘Yes, we’re going to The Star Barn, that dance hall in Cavey Street.’

In a plush dance hall the music came from an orchestra. The poorer ones had a piano or gramophone records. The Star Barn compromised with a three-piece band that made up in volume what it lacked in skill.

She was still a little hurt at the way Mark seemed absorbed in his own point of view and oblivious to hers. It came too close to Sylvia’s warning. But the feeling vanished as he took her into his arms, and she felt the vivid joy that possessed him communicate itself to her flesh from his. Impossible to stay troubled while her body was against his, their faces so close, his eyes alight with an almost demonic energy.

One dance ran into another until the whole evening was an endless stream of movement. It had been a hard day at work and she’d been tired at the start of the evening, but mysteriously she wasn’t tired now. Every moment with him invigorated her.

‘You’re a terrific dancer,’ he said, gasping slightly. ‘Let’s go faster.’

‘Yes, let’s.’

She managed to seize the initiative, driving him on until they were both breathless, and somehow they danced out of the hall into the deserted lobby. To the end of her days she had no memory of how they’d got there.

‘You shouldn’t have done that,’ Mark warned her.

‘Why?’

‘Because now I’m going to do this,’ he said, taking her in his arms and kissing her firmly.

It wasn’t like the other times, a skilful pretence to deceive onlookers. They were alone and it was the real thing. Now the pressure of his mouth was intense and determined, saying that he wasn’t fooling any more and what was she going to do about it?

There was only one possible answer. It was she who moved her lips first, not to escape his but to caress them, revel in the sensation and drive him on further. It was something she’d never done before and she didn’t understand how she knew about it. The knowledge seemed to have been part of her for ever, dormant, waiting for this moment to awake. Now it wasn’t merely awake but triumphant, determined to make the most of every last thrilling moment.

She was a novice, exploring the first steps of physical love, learning fast but needing to learn more. He taught her, moving his mouth against hers with practised skill, teasing, inciting, leading her blissfully to the next lesson, and then the next. She pressed closer, every inch of her clamouring to learn.

Then, with cruel abruptness, it was over and he was pushing her away from him. When she tried to reach for him again he fended her off.

‘Stop it, Dee. We have to stop!’ His voice was harsh, almost cruel.

‘I’m sorry…what-? Did I do something wrong?’ She was almost in tears.

‘No, you did everything right-too right. That’s the problem.’

She misunderstood and her hands flew to her mouth. ‘You think I’m a bad girl, that I always do this, but you’re wrong, you’re wrong.’

‘No, I don’t mean that. I know you’re innocent. You must be or you’d have been more careful. Only an innocent would have pushed me to the edge like that.’

‘I don’t understand,’ she whispered.

He sighed. ‘No, you don’t, do you?’ He took her back into his arms, but pressing her head against his shoulder, careful to avoid her face. ‘Don’t cry. It’s not your fault. But I had to stop when I did, or I wouldn’t have been able to stop at all, and then I’d have done something that would make you hate me.’

She couldn’t answer. Her heart was thundering, her whole body trembling with thwarted desire.

Hate him? What did he mean? She hated him now for leaving her like this, desperate to go on to the end and discover the secret. She pressed closer to him, hoping to remind him of what they had shared, what they might still share.

‘Let’s go home,’ he said grimly.

They went home in silence. He didn’t even hold her hand, but kept several feet away. Dee crossed her arms over her chest as though trying to protect herself and walked with her head down, staring at the pavement, feeling alienated from the whole world, but especially from the man she loved, who was acting as though she didn’t exist.

When they stopped at her front door he seemed uneasy and there was a thoughtful look on his face.

‘You’re full of surprises,’ he said. ‘I guess there’s a lot more to you than meets the eye. Don’t look at me like that. I can’t explain right now, especially as your mother is just behind the curtains, watching us. But you…well, anyway…’

He dropped a modest peck on her cheek, said a hurried, ‘Goodnight,’ and walked away.

Weary and depressed, Dee let herself into the house. As Mark had observed, Helen was waiting for her, in dressing gown and curlers.

‘Well?’ she demanded. ‘Did he behave himself?’

‘Oh, yes,’ Dee said softly. ‘He behaved himself. Goodnight, Mum.’

She ran upstairs as fast as she could.

As Mark had predicted, conscription started the following month, and he’d been wise to get into the Air Force while he still had a choice.

Now she saw him only briefly, as his free time was taken up by the squadron, located just outside London. Joe was immensely proud of him and showed it by giving him Saturdays off so that he could devote the whole weekend to training to be a pilot.

‘I couldn’t be more proud if he was my own son,’ he confided to his wife. ‘And, after all, that may happen.’ He finished with a significant look at Dee, out in the garden.

‘Hmm!’ Helen said. ‘Hasn’t he caused enough trouble in this family?’

‘It wasn’t his fault; I thought we agreed that.’

‘I just don’t like what’s happening to Dee. Something’s not right.’

‘She’s just missing him. It’s happening all over the country now the men are joining up.’

He began inviting Mark in for supper on the days he knew Dee would be home, partly for his daughter’s sake and partly because he was consumed with curiosity. He loved nothing better than to listen while Mark described his life as a budding pilot.

‘They let me take the controls the other day,’ he recalled once. ‘I can’t begin to tell you what it’s like up there, feeling as though all the power in the world was yours, and you could do anything you wanted.’

‘I remember when the war started in nineteen fourteen,’ Joe said. ‘Nobody thought of using planes to fight; they were so frail, just bits of wood and canvas. But then someone mounted a machine gun and that was that. Next thing, we had a Royal Air Force. I’d have loved to fly, but blokes like me just got stuck in the trenches.’

They became more absorbed in their conversation, while Dee’s eyes met her mother’s across the table in a silent message. Men!

‘There’s something I have to tell you,’ Mark said at last. ‘They’ve put my name down for a new course. I’m the first in my group to be assigned to it-’

‘Good for you,’ Joe said. ‘They know you’re the best. But it means you’ll spend more time there and less here, doesn’t it?’

‘I’m afraid so. They reckon the war will be declared pretty soon, so then I’ll be in the Air Force full-time. Perhaps you should start looking for another mechanic.’

Dee heard all this from a distance. It was coming, the thing she dreaded, the moment when he would walk away to the war and she might never see him again. Time was rushing by.

She had grown cautious, sensing a slight change in Mark’s manner. Since the night she’d come alive in his arms, she’d sometimes caught him giving her a curious look. She was shocked at herself, wondering if her forward behaviour had damaged his respect for her.

When they were alone, his kisses were fervent, even passionate, as though he was discovering something new about her all the time. But then he would draw back as though he’d thought better of it, leaving her in a state of confusion. With all her heart she longed to take him past that invisible barrier, and she hadn’t much time left to make it happen.

After supper the three of them listened to the wireless. The official news from Europe was worrying, but what had really caught people’s attention was the fact that when King George VI and Queen Elizabeth went on a visit to Canada, they were escorted by two warships.

‘And there’s a rumour that those ships carried thirty million pounds in gold, for safe-keeping in Canada until it’s all over,’ Mark had said.

Until it was all over. What would life be like then? Another universe in which he might, or might not be alive. She shivered.

She tried to speak normally, but it was hard when everything in her was focused on one thing-to be alone with Mark, in his arms, kissing him and being kissed, feeling her body burn with new life. Her heart was breaking, yet she must try to pretend all was well.

At last he rose. ‘I think I’ll take a breath of fresh air,’ he said casually.

Eagerly, she joined him and they slipped out into the privacy of the garden. The next moment she was in his arms.

‘Why must you go now?’ she begged. ‘It’s too soon.’

‘I have to. But I’m going to miss you so much,’ he said hoarsely.

‘Yes…yes…’

The thought of the lonely time without him lent urgency to her movements. In the past she’d fought down the blazing desire that almost overcame her when she was in his arms, but tonight she didn’t want to be controlled and virtuous. She wanted to let herself go and risk whatever the future held. If that meant being a ‘bad girl’, then so be it, as long as she could say that just once he’d been hers.

He lifted his head and his eyes and his breathing told her that he was in the same state. Another moment and they would become each other’s and who cared for anything else?

‘Mark,’ she whispered, ‘Mark-’

‘Do you want me?’

‘Yes-’

Urgently, he drew her down onto the grass and she gave herself up to the feel of his lips on her neck, drifting lower as he opened the buttons of her blouse. High above, the spring moon beamed down on her like a blessing, and she prepared herself for what would surely be the most beautiful experience of her life.

Transported, she didn’t hear the door opening behind them, only her mother’s voice coming out of nowhere in an outraged cry of, ‘You can stop that!’

She felt Mark freeze on top of her, heard his muttered curse. Then he drew away, helping her to her feet.

‘Mum,’ she said desperately, ‘it’s not-’

‘Don’t you try to fool me, my girl. I know what it’s not, and I know what it is. It’s shameful, that’s what it is. I thought you were a good girl, with more self-respect.’

‘Come on, Helen,’ her husband begged under his voice. ‘After all, didn’t we-?’

‘You hush.’ She turned on him furiously.

‘Yes, dear.’

‘You-’ she turned on Mark ‘-you should be ashamed of yourself, acting like that in a decent home. Just what do you think my daughter is?’

‘Well, I was hoping she’d become my wife,’ Mark replied.

Slowly, Dee turned her head towards him as the world exploded about her, full of blazing light and riotous colours. It had happened. He’d proposed. She would be his wife. Every dream had come true. Passionate joy held her speechless.

Helen, too, was briefly dumb, but she was the first to recover. ‘That puts a different face on it,’ she said, cautious and not entirely yielding. ‘If you mean it.’

‘I was going to ask Dee tonight, only you interrupted me.’

Joe began to edge his wife away. ‘Goodnight, you two,’ he said with a touch of desperation as he managed to get Helen inside.

Dee’s head was clearing and her sensible side reasserting itself, as it had a terrible habit of doing. She’d be a fool to believe this.

‘It’s all right, Mark,’ she said in a low voice. ‘You don’t have to marry me.’

He regarded her, his head on one side. ‘Maybe I want to. Have you thought of that?’

‘You don’t want to. You just had to divert my mother. I understand.’

‘Now you’ve insulted me,’ he said cheerfully.

‘Have I?’

‘There I am, learning to take to the skies and fight Hitler, and you think I’m afraid of your mother. She’s formidable, I grant you, but I’m not scared of her.’

She gave a shaky laugh. ‘I didn’t mean that, but you know as well as I do that you weren’t going to propose if we hadn’t got caught.’

‘Well, perhaps she did us a favour by showing us the way. Are you saying you don’t want to marry me?’

‘It’s not that, it’s just-’

He put his hands on her shoulders and spoke lightly. ‘My darling, will you give a straight answer to a straight question? Are you turning me down?’

‘No, of course not, I-’

‘Then are you accepting me?’

She looked up into his face, trying to read the truth behind his quizzical expression. She saw humour and good nature, but not the answer she needed.

‘Yes or no?’ he persisted.

‘Yes,’ she said with a kind of desperation. It wasn’t the proposal she’d dreamed of, and in her heart she knew something about it wasn’t right, but there was no way she could turn down the chance to make him hers.

‘Does that mean we’re engaged?’

‘Yes,’ she choked. ‘Oh, yes!’

This time their kiss was relatively restrained, since both knew that Helen was watching them from the kitchen window. As they returned slowly to the house, she was waiting for them. Joe produced drinks to celebrate, then Helen declared that it was late and Mark would be wanting to get home. She wore a fixed smile but both her expression and her tone said, No hanky-panky in this house.

Mark gave Dee a rueful smile and departed under the steely gaze of his future mother-in-law.

‘Congratulations, love,’ Joe said, embracing his daughter.

‘Yes, you got him to the finishing post,’ Helen agreed, although she couldn’t resist adding, ‘with a bit of help.’

‘Mum!’

‘He’d have taken his time proposing if I hadn’t prodded him on. Never mind. We managed it. We should be proud of ourselves.’

‘But that’s not how it’s supposed to happen,’ Dee protested.

‘The important thing is, it happened. You wouldn’t want him going off to the Air Force without having his ring on your finger. He wasn’t going to propose, just fool around with you and then on to the next. Look what he did to Sylvia.’

‘Look what she did to him,’ Dee said quickly.

‘Does she still write to you, love?’ Joe asked gently. She had told them about the first letter and read out some, but not all of its contents.

‘Now and then. Doesn’t she ever write to you?’

‘She’s tried,’ Helen said. ‘I tear them up.’

‘Before I even see them,’ Joe said sadly. ‘We don’t even know where she is.’

‘She hasn’t told me her address,’ Dee said. ‘But she’s living with Phil and in her last letter she said she’d just discovered that she was pregnant.’

Helen stiffened. ‘So as well as being a whore, she’s going to have a little bastard. I want nothing to do with her. Anyway, at least we’ll have one respectable marriage in this family. Get him tied to you while you can, my girl. I’ve done my best for you. Now it’s up to you.’

If she’d thought to encourage Dee into marriage by this means, she was mistaken. Whatever Mark said, she couldn’t rid herself of the shamed feeling that he’d simply taken the line of least resistance. One part of her mind urged her to rush the ceremony before he could back off, but the other part refused to do it.

These days the world seemed to be thrown into sharp relief, and everything had a sense of ‘one last time before the war’. Any party or celebration, every anniversary, any piece of good fortune, must be enjoyed to the full. Just in case.

‘There’s a fair on Hampstead Heath,’ Mark told her one evening. ‘Let’s go. We never know when there’ll be another one.’

The Heath was a magical place, a great green park barely four miles from the centre of London. It had always been a popular venue for fairs, and especially now as the dark days approached.

As they neared the fair, they could hear the unmistakable sound of the hurdy-gurdy blaring over the distance. From far off, the giant wheel glittered as it turned against the night.

‘I’ve always wanted to go up on one of those,’ she breathed.

‘We will, I promise.’

Close up, the wheel was even more dazzling.

‘Ever been on one?’ Mark asked.

‘No. I’ve often wanted to, but I was always at the fair with my parents and Mum said, “You don’t want to go on those dangerous things”. And I didn’t know how to tell her that I did want to because they were dangerous.’

‘Right,’ he said. ‘Come on.’ He bought the tickets and took her hand firmly. ‘Those seats rock back and forth like mad, so hold onto me.’

From the moment they sat down and she felt the seat swinging beneath her, Dee felt as though she’d come home. Nothing in her life had ever been as exciting as when she was lifted high into the air, over the top of the wheel, then the descent when, for a moment, there seemed to be nothing but air between herself and the earth beneath. Then again, and again, loving it more every moment.

‘Wheeeee!’ she shrieked as they arrived back at the bottom for the final time. ‘I want to go again.’

He took her up three times, finally saying, ‘Leave it for now. There are other rides, just as exciting.’

‘Lead me to them!’

Her eyes were gleaming as they approached the roller coaster, and she looked up the climb with an eagerness that anticipated the pleasure to come. She could just see a car reaching the summit and hear the shrieks as it sped down.

‘Come on!’ she begged.

He looked at her curiously. ‘Aren’t you afraid?’

‘What of?’ she asked blankly.

‘You’ll find out,’ he said, grinning.

When they were seated he made as if to put an arm around her. ‘But perhaps you’re too brave to need my help?’ he teased.

‘I don’t think I’m quite as brave as that,’ she conceded, pulling his arm about her shoulders.

The cars moved off, slowly at first, climbing the long slope to the summit, then plunging down at ever increasing speed while she screamed with pleasure and huddled closer to him.

After two more rides he insisted that they get out, at least for a while.

‘You may not need a rest, but I do,’ he gasped. ‘Where’s the beer tent?’

In the tent, they sat down and sipped light ale. Every nerve throughout her body was singing with excitement, but the greatest pleasure was the look Mark was giving her, as though seeing her for the first time and admiring what he saw.

‘I never guessed you enjoyed that kind of thing,’ he said.

‘Neither did I. If I’d known, I’d have done it sooner.’

‘Most girls don’t care for it,’ he said, speaking more quietly than was usual with him.

And suddenly Sylvia was there with them, gasping and clinging to them in horror after her ride in the sidecar, vowing never again.

‘I’m not most girls,’ Dee said brightly. ‘I’m mad. Hadn’t you heard?’

‘If I hadn’t, I know now.’

She drained her glass and held it out. ‘Can I have another one?’

‘No,’ he said in alarm. ‘Your mother would kill me. She already disapproves of me, even though we’re engaged.’

Dee nodded. Helen wanted them married for the sake of respectability, but only that morning she’d said, ‘I know he can talk the hind legs off a donkey and he’s got a cheeky smile, but you mark my words. He’s a bad boy!’

Which was true, Dee thought. Mark’s ‘bad boy’ aspect was seldom on display, but it was always there, just below the surface. It lived in uneasy partnership with his generous side and it made him thrilling. But she wouldn’t have dared to tell her mother that. She didn’t fully understand it herself. She only knew that he lived in her heart as the most exciting man in the world and she wouldn’t have him any different.