His Pretend Wife

CHAPTER ELEVEN

LIFE assumed a strange, peaceful rhythm of its own. Andrew moved his things back into the house the next day, but for a while they saw little of him. His hours at the hospital were long and he was repeatedly called away for emergencies. He breakfasted with them when he could, and those meals were easier than Elinor had feared. The kids backchatted each other in a way that relieved tension and if Andrew didn’t actually join in at least he listened without impatience.

Oddly there was less tension between herself and him than she had feared, which she attributed to the fact that she’d insisted on proper employment conditions and a contract. It was there in black and white. She was Mrs Elinor Landers, housekeeper and child-minder. The dreadful night he’d awoken in her arms had happened to somebody else.

Daisy had reacted strangely when Elinor had called her to tell her about the change of plan. ‘That’s right, love,’ she said cheerfully. ‘You stay there with him. You never know.’

‘I’m his housekeeper,’ she said firmly. ‘And you couldn’t be more wrong.’

‘If you say so, love.’

The first time Andrew managed a reasonably early night Simon was waiting for him.

‘Ellie said you might be early,’ he said excitedly.

‘Nine o’clock isn’t early, you should be in bed, and who said you could call her Ellie?’

Simon became nervous at his father’s frown. ‘I thought-she said it was her name.’

He dropped to one knee so that he could look his son in the eye.

‘She said that? She actually told you that her name was Ellie?’

‘Yes. Isn’t it?’

‘Yes, it is.’

‘Then-I don’t understand.’

‘There’s a lot I don’t understand myself, son. Never mind. And don’t tell her about this conversation.’

As Elinor had guessed Simon was the perfect companion for Hetta. Her nature was boisterous and now that her strength was returning she could give it fuller rein. By contrast he was shy and retiring, and when they got up to mischief it was Hetta who made the running, with Simon making vain efforts to restrain her, and Fudge bringing up the rear.

Hetta had slept in her mother’s room for only a couple of nights. Then Elinor had opened up the room next door to Simon’s, and made it hers. But her favourite occupation was to sit with Simon at his computer. At seven he was already literate and an expert at information technology. Hetta, whose education had suffered because of her illness, was fascinated by the things he knew, and her admiration drew him out. Several times Elinor would discover a light beneath Simon’s door in the late evening. Entering, she would find the two of them deep in earnest conversation, which would stop as soon as they saw her. She would simply point and Hetta would scuttle away.

‘There are things we need to discuss,’ she told Andrew one evening when the children were in bed.

‘You’re not happy with the arrangement?’

‘No, it’s fine, but school will be starting soon, and I’ll need to organise something.’

‘When Simon lived here before, he went to the school in the village. It’s excellent. I suggest you enrol them both.’

‘Good. One more thing.’ She took a deep breath. ‘When can you take some time off?’

‘Goodness knows-’

‘It should be in the next three weeks, before school starts, so that Simon can have you all to himself for several days.’ He looked at her, and she grew annoyed. ‘Surely an organised man like you can arrange suitable cover in that time? You carried Sir Elmer’s load while he was sick. Tell him it’s your turn.’

‘This isn’t the best moment for that,’ he mused.

‘You mean because he’ll be retiring soon, the sharks are circling and your teeth are sharper than anyone’s. Fine. I’ll tell Simon that his father’s a shark.’

‘Aren’t you being a little unfair?’

‘No.’

He became angry. ‘I really want that job. You’re acting as though I’m being unreasonable.’

‘You are being unreasonable. There are a hundred jobs. You’ve only got one son.’

‘And what are we going to say to each other “for several days”?’

‘It doesn’t matter. Talk about the weather, anything. The point is that he’ll know you put yourself out to be with him. That’ll cover a multitude of sins, and Hetta and I will fill in the gaps.’

‘Oh, you’ll be there?’

She looked at him with pity. ‘I wasn’t planning to despatch the two of you to a desert island. Although it might do you some good.’

‘Fine. You’ll be here. But people still need to talk. It’s hard for me to know what to say to him.’

‘Who’s asking you to say anything? Maybe he’d rather you listened. I expect when you’re at work people listen to you, don’t they?’

‘Usually,’ he admitted. ‘Unless it’s patients, and then I listen.’

‘I don’t think that covers this situation. You’re not in the listening habit, but if you listened to what Simon wants you to hear you might be able to think of some answers. It’s not rocket science.’

‘No, it’s more complicated than that. But you can do it, can’t you?’ He frowned. ‘How?’

She was amused. ‘Andrew, you can’t take lessons in it. If you could, you’d be marvellous.’

‘Yes, I’m good at anything I can study,’ he said wryly. ‘And maybe you can take lessons with a first rate teacher. That’s why I watch you so closely. You seem to know everything that I don’t.’

‘Andrew, will you tell me something? Why didn’t you just let Simon go to America with Myra?’

‘Because he’s all I’ve got to love,’ he said simply. ‘I’ve made a mess of every other important relationship. I don’t really know how to talk to anyone who means anything to me. Oh, I’m fine with the patients, not just the children, but the adults too. It’s easy, because I know what they expect of me, and it’s very limited.’

‘Limited? Saving their lives?’

‘In a way, yes. They come into the hospital and I can be their best friend. I chat with the children, discuss soccer scores and newspaper stories with the adults. Then we pass out of each other’s lives without regret. Emotionally they expect nothing from me.’

‘You weren’t always like that,’ she said.

‘Yes, I was, potentially. With you I found a way to be different.’

‘You mean, this is what I did to you?’

‘I wasn’t blaming you. You asked me something, and I tried to find a rational explanation.’

‘Must everything be rational?’

‘It usually is, in the end.’

‘Andrew, do you believe that, or is it what you try to tell yourself?’

He sighed. ‘Does it matter?’

When he’d gone upstairs she wandered out into the garden with Fudge, who still had matters to attend to. She waited for him, sitting on a bench under the trees.

‘May I join you?’ It was Andrew with two glasses of wine.

She received one gratefully and he sat down beside her, looking up at the moon, which hung low in the sky, bright and silver. It was a night for lovers, but just now she felt only contentment.

‘By the way,’ she said after a moment, ‘don’t forget a wedding present for Myra.’

‘Why would I want to do that? She’s getting her hands on the Hellerman millions.’

‘It’s in the cause of good relations. It’ll make Simon happy.’

‘Then I’ll do it. Or rather you’ll do it.’

‘No, Simon will do it. He’s searched the Internet and found a great store in Detroit. All he needs now is your credit card.’

‘Fine. I trust you to make sure he doesn’t clean me out.’

Through Simon’s daily phone calls with Myra they followed the progress of her wedding. Backed by Cyrus’s gold card she’d embarked on a spending spree, not always with happy results. A dozen pictures of her in various prospective wedding outfits turned up on Simon’s computer. He and Hetta regarded them with awe, which Elinor fully understood when she joined them. Andrew returned one evening to find the three of them gazing at the screen.

‘Something interesting?’ he asked, walking over. ‘Why is your mother in a scarlet satin dress?’

‘To get married in?’ Simon said, making it a question.

‘Really.’ Andrew pursed his lips and said no more. To Elinor’s pleasure, man and boy regarded each other in silent masculine sympathy.

With Elinor’s guidance Simon had chosen some elegant silver for the wedding gift. Myra was genuinely pleased, pretending to believe the fiction that Andrew had thought of it. She even sent him an email saying thank you, which Simon presented to him with pride.

At last the wedding pictures themselves arrived. Myra had avoided red satin and purple velvet in favour of a comparatively restrained dress of ivory brocade. Everything else was over the top, including six bridesmaids and four page-boys who, for no discernible reason, were dressed in highland kilts.

‘Are you sorry you weren’t there?’ Andrew asked his son.

Simon gave him a speaking look. ‘Mum would have wanted me to be a page-boy.’

‘Then you were definitely better off out of it.’

Every day Elinor set her mind to finding ways to help Andrew connect with his son. She joined in the children’s games, she made Simon talk to her, and he did so with a freedom that showed how badly he longed to confide. She remembered how good Andrew had been at chess, and it was no surprise to discover that at seven Simon was already a skilled player.

Once she’d discovered that she went onto the attack, buying a newspaper with a daily chess problem and getting him to solve it. Then she tried to arrange it so that Simon was sitting over the problem when Andrew arrived home. This was hard as Andrew’s arrivals could seldom be predicted, but one night she struck lucky. Best of all Simon was so absorbed that he failed to look up when his father entered, something rare enough to make Andrew stride across to see what was engrossing his son, and had to speak to him twice before he could get his attention. After that they worked on the problem together, and Elinor chalked up a minor victory.

‘I didn’t even know he could play,’ he told Elinor that evening as she was making a late-night snack.

‘He’s pretty good.’

‘Yes, he is.’

‘As good as you at that age?’

‘I think so.’ He looked at her shrewdly. ‘Was it an accident, what happened tonight?’

‘Of course not. I got him into position a few minutes before you got home. But you did the rest yourself.’

‘When I employed you as child-minder I didn’t envisage you going this far.’

‘I’m like you. I like to do my job properly. Besides, the way I see it, I still owe you for Hetta’s life. If I can help you with Simon, we’re quits.’

‘I see,’ he said quietly. ‘Yes, I never thought of it like that.’

After that there were some phone calls that she didn’t understand, or, rather, didn’t ask about. She found herself talking to a woman with a voice like cut glass, who turned out to be the secretary of Sir Elmer Rylance. She fetched Andrew to the phone and returned to the children, trying not to speculate.

She made no further mention of his taking time off, and nor did he. She concluded that he’d either forgotten the matter or dismissed it. She was angry with him. She didn’t press the matter, but she had a sense of failure. She’d tried to believe that in this matter at least she could be good for him, but it seemed that he now dismissed her opinions as easily as he did everyone else’s.

Only when she’d totally given up hope did he arrive home one evening and say, ‘That’s it! No more hospital for a week.’

The children bounded about in excitement. Over their heads Andrew met her eyes with a look that startled her. It was almost as though he was asking for her approval.

‘Why did you keep it to yourself until now?’ she asked when she could make herself heard through the riot.

‘I wasn’t sure until the last minute. It depended on whether my replacement arrived in time, but he did.’

‘Is he as good as you?’ she couldn’t resist asking.

He looked at her. ‘Almost. He thinks he’s better.’

‘If he’s so brilliant, how come he’s available?’

‘He’s been offered three other jobs, but the one he wants is Elmer’s, so he’s been keeping himself free. He jumped at this.’

Of course he would, Elinor thought. It was the chance to work under Rylance’s nose and pip the other candidates to the post. And Andrew had stood back and let him do it, because she’d as good as asked him to. But her stab of pleasure was quickly suppressed. He’d done it for Simon, not her. And it might be a disaster for him.

Too late now to say anything. It was done. And Andrew was already going into the garden with the children.

He joined her later that night for their regular glass of wine while Fudge snuffled in the undergrowth.

‘Could your replacement really harm you?’ she asked.

‘In one week?’ he demanded. ‘You don’t think much of my skill.’

‘A determined man can do a lot in a week.’

‘He can do his worst,’ Andrew said arrogantly. ‘I gather you think I might soon be on my uppers. That’s a pity, because I was going to suggest that we should get married.’

‘What?’ She tried to see him but there was no moon tonight and she could only make out his shape. His face was hidden from her.

‘It makes a lot of sense, Ellie. We make a pretty good family. Simon loves you and he’s crazy about Hetta.’

‘Just a minute-’

‘We have to think where this arrangement is going. If we don’t marry then sooner or later we’ll split up. You’re an excellent employee, but employees leave. I want you to stay.’

‘It takes a lot more than that to make a family,’ she said in a toneless voice. She’d thought Andrew had hurt her in every possible way, but she hadn’t thought of this. Marry her to keep a good employee!

‘Of course it does, but I’m sure we can make it work. I’m probably not putting this very well, but if you’ll only give it some thought-for everyone’s sake-’

‘Everyone? Does that include me?’

He stared at her, trying to discern on her face what had disturbed him in her voice. ‘You don’t think this might be a good idea for you?’

‘I don’t think there could be a worse idea for me. I’ve told you I’ll stay while you need me, but I’m making a condition. Don’t ever, ever mention this again.’

She rose and walked away towards the house, with Fudge trotting after her, leaving him sitting alone in the darkness.

It was Andrew who noticed that there was a funfair about a mile away, and he who suggested that they should go. He was also the one to set the date.

‘The day after tomorrow,’ he said, ‘because that’s Ellie’s birthday.’

Hetta stared. ‘How did you know? I didn’t tell you.’

‘I’m a magician,’ he said, and that satisfied her.

‘I don’t want to make a fuss about my birthday,’ she muttered as soon as they were alone.

‘Too late. Give your friend Daisy a call and ask her to stay with us that night.’

It would be good to see Daisy again, but she would inevitably take over the children, leaving her too much with Andrew. She’d been steering clear of him ever since he’d made her that insulting offer of marriage, but it was hard now he was at home for the week. He strode off without waiting for an answer, and a few minutes later he departed on a gift-buying expedition with the children.

When her birthday came they all made the breakfast, then plied her with gifts. From Hetta there was a brooch in the shape of a heart, and from Simon a pair of slippers. Andrew’s gift was a scarf, made of wool and silk. It was exquisite and expensive, but not so much as to invite comment. She thanked him quietly, and promised to wear it that evening.

The taxi arrived with Daisy, and now she was glad her old friend was there to shield her from the attention. Her thoughts had been in turmoil ever since the other night. There had been a brief temptation to say yes, marry him anyway and count on her own love to be enough.

Try as she might, she couldn’t stop her thoughts wandering down that path. To the outside world they looked like a family, two parents and two children. It was tempting to think that they really were a family, to pretend that she were his wife, as she might once have been.

These days, when he took the children into the village, and the three of them returned to find her getting them a snack in the kitchen, they would greet each other with smiles, and for a moment she could think, This is how it would be if we were married.

And it could still happen. She could tell him she’d reconsidered and decided that it was a sensible idea. But the word ‘sensible’ checked her. Her love alone would never be enough for the two of them, and only misery could come from trying to make it.

On the afternoon of her birthday the phone rang. Elinor was alone when she answered it, and she was immediately glad.

‘Hi, sweetie,’ came Myra’s voice singing down the line. ‘How’s tricks?’

‘We’re doing very well,’ Elinor said. ‘Do you want to talk to Simon?’

‘Thanks, but I just got off the line to him an hour ago.’

‘How’s Detroit?’

‘Hot. Muggy. But Cyrus is letting me have the swimming pool enlarged. I thought of making it like a Roman bath house. What do you think?’

‘I think it’ll be very “you”,’ Elinor said.

Myra’s crack of laughter showed that she fully understood this tact. ‘I called to say happy birthday!’ she said.

‘Thank you. How did you know?’

‘Simon told me. He says you’re going out on this great party. Big funfair.’

‘That’s right. An old friend of mine is here, so there’ll be three of us looking out for the children.’

‘Good, have a great time. And listen, I have a birthday gift for you.’

‘That’s very kind. I’ll look forward to it.’

‘No, I’m going to give it to you now. I knew I’d seen you somewhere before as soon as we met, and now it’s come to me. It’s you in that photograph.’

‘What photograph?’

‘The one Andrew keeps with him. Or I should say one of the ones he keeps with him. There’s about a dozen of them. Him and this girl with masses of blonde hair, sitting together, their arms around each other, kissing. And sometimes just her on her own. He didn’t know that I knew. I found them in his desk drawer one day, and I never told him. So you were the ghost.’

‘The ghost?’

‘Andrew’s ghost, the one that’s always haunted him. I knew soon after we married that there was someone else. I don’t mean another woman in the conventional sense, but a secret ghost in his heart that he visited sometimes, and came back looking sad. I was arrogant enough to think I could drive her away, but I never could, because she was the one he loved.’

‘Myra, I’m sure you’re wrong about this-’

‘No, I’m not wrong. It’s your face.’

‘Yes, it’s me, but the rest-we were children. At least, I was.’

‘But he wasn’t,’ Myra said shrewdly. ‘One thing I know about Andrew, he gives all of himself to everything. It’s exhausting to live with, but the one who really gets dragged through the mill is Andrew.’

‘Yes,’ Elinor murmured. ‘It was like that. I did love him but I was seventeen and all of him was more than I could cope with. If we’d met later-’ She sighed.

‘Has he been a ghost for you too, then?’

‘All the time,’ she said slowly, realising that it was true. ‘I never meant to keep thinking of him, but somehow he wouldn’t go away. I could never forget how badly I’d treated him and it spoiled everything else. And his face on the last day-yes, I suppose that’s been my ghost.’

‘And you’re not going to look me in the eyes and say you don’t still love him, are you?’ Myra demanded, blithely ignoring the miles separating them.

‘Myra-’

‘Of course you’re not. It stands out a mile. There was always a third person in our marriage,’ she added, without rancour. ‘It’s fascinating to meet her after all this time.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be. It wasn’t your fault. Andrew and I should never have married. Once you’d had the “all” there wasn’t much left for anyone else. What happens next is up to you, but for Andrew’s sake I hope you get your act together. Bye, sweetie. Have a nice birthday.’ She hung up.

Elinor set down the phone, her mind whirling. It couldn’t be true. Myra had somehow got it wrong. And yet there was something in the word ‘ghost’ that had caught at her heart. She’d been haunted since the day of their parting, and of course Andrew had been haunted too.

But he’d been cured when they’d met again and he’d seen how she’d changed. She must remember that.

Both children were persuaded to sleep the afternoon away, under the dire threat of having to leave the funfair early. They set out in the early evening, with both youngsters bright-eyed and eager.

Andrew was an unexpected success. The same skills that made him a surgeon made him score bull’s-eyes at the coconut shy, which he did so often that the harassed owner ordered him off, to the children’s hilarity.

‘Oh, look, Mummy, there’s a big wheel.’ Hetta tugged on Elinor’s hand. ‘Can we go on it?’

‘It looks awfully big, darling,’ Elinor said, looking up doubtfully.

‘That’s the idea,’ Andrew observed, following her gaze. ‘You’re not scared, are you, Ellie?’

‘You know I am,’ she said softly.

She wondered what was happening. There was something different about Andrew tonight, as though he was determined to provoke her memories.

‘Come along,’ Daisy carolled, leading the way to the entrance. Simon and Hetta went with her, and the three of them piled in together.

‘Come along,’ Andrew said, taking Elinor’s hand, and soon they were in the seat just behind the others.

Then they were off, sailing silently upward, higher and higher, until they reached the top and began the stomach-churning descent. But her nerves seemed unimportant because Andrew’s arm was about her shoulders, drawing her close.

‘Andrew, we agreed-I’m just an employee.’

‘No, you agreed that. Tonight you’re Ellie. You’ve always been Ellie. You always will be. Do you remember?’ he whispered as his lips brushed on hers.

‘Yes, everything.’

‘Do you remember what I said to you that night?’

‘You said you’d been plotting for ages how to kiss me.’

“‘And I’m such a coward that I waited until now, when you can’t escape,”’ he quoted. ‘I’m no braver now. I had to do it again. Kiss me, Ellie. Kiss me for ever.’

She couldn’t resist any longer. She threw her arms about him, kissing him fiercely as she had done that first time, while the wheel spun and the stars rained down on them.