Letting Go

SIXTEEN

JOSS reclined onto the sofa, taking the glass of wine Dash offered her. She sipped, her stomach churning with nervousness. It was silly to be so anxious to meet Jensen, her husband’s replacement, but she was. She’d likely never come into contact with him after this meeting since she had nothing to do with the day-to-day operations of Dash’s business. Kylie would be more affected by Jensen coming on board since she would have to work for him.

She knew Kylie wouldn’t take it well. She hoped that by meeting Jensen and offering him her acceptance, it would smooth over whatever objections Kylie had when told of the new partner.

“You’re on edge, honey. Why?”

Dash settled down on the couch next to her, reaching for her with his free arm. She went readily, balancing her wineglass in her other hand as she snuggled into Dash’s embrace.

“I don’t know,” she said honestly.

He squeezed her to him and kissed the top of her head. “You’ll like him. He’s very good at what he does. You must know that I’d never do anything to jeopardize yours or Kylie’s futures by choosing the wrong person to bring into the business.”

“She’s not going to take it well, is she?” Joss asked, turning anxiously to face Dash.

“At first I don’t imagine she will, but she doesn’t have a choice. She works for me, not the other way around. She won’t have a choice but to accept him. I won’t allow her to cause problems. If it comes down to it, she’ll have to be let go. It’s not what I want and I’d certainly ensure that she’s well provided for. I promised Carson that I would always look after the both of you. It’s a promise I intend to keep.”

She cocked her head to the side, gazing curiously at him. “He asked you to do that? I mean specifically?”

Dash grimaced. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“But you did,” she persisted. “Is this something you two discussed?”

Dash sighed. “Yes. We spoke about it a short time before his accident. I’ve often wondered since then if he didn’t know. If he had a feeling that something was going to happen. It’s not something we ever discussed and then out of the blue he brought it up. And he was serious about it. It wasn’t an off-the-cuff ‘just in case’ conversation. He was absolutely serious and he wanted my promise that if anything ever happened to him that I’d ensure you and Kylie were taken care of.”

Joss weighed his words for a moment, discomfited by the idea that she was merely a method of Dash fulfilling a promise to his best friend. But no, he’d said that he had feelings for her long before then. When she and Carson were first married. A dozen questions bubbled to the surface but she wasn’t certain they should be asked.

“I don’t like that look, Joss. What are you thinking?”

This time she sighed, casting her gaze downward to his waist. He slid his fingers underneath her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze once more.

“Is that what I am to you? An obligation?”

His frown was immediate. In fact he looked pissed. She regretted voicing her brief fear because it was obvious he had no liking for it.

“Don’t answer that. It was a silly question,” she murmured. “But there’s another question I wanted to ask you. It’s something I’ve wondered ever since we began this. Since you told me you had feelings for me when I was married to Carson.”

“You can ask me anything,” Dash said. “But be prepared for an honest answer, honey. If the truth hurts you then be careful what you ask. Because I won’t lie to you. Ever.”

She nodded. He’d always been honest. She knew that much.

“When Carson and I first began dating, I felt as though you didn’t approve of me. That you didn’t approve of our relationship or the fact that things moved so quickly. At the time I chalked it up to you being concerned about your friend. But lately I’ve wondered . . .”

“What have you been wondering?” Dash asked gently.

She lifted her eyes to his, studying his features.

“You said that you were attracted to me. But you didn’t say when those feelings started. Were you attracted to me from the very start? Is that why you didn’t seem happy about me and Carson being together? Were you . . . jealous?”

Dash was silent for a long moment and then he heaved out his breath, his shoulders drooping slightly. He turned away from her, directing his gaze toward the fireplace. His hold loosened on her and she shifted away, just so she could better see him.

“That was part of it,” he admitted. “I was jealous as hell. The first time I met you. Do you remember? Carson brought you to the company Christmas party and there you were. So beautiful it made my teeth ache. You were adorably shy, reserved. And you clung to Carson’s side the entire night. I couldn’t look at you without resenting the fact that he’d found you first.”

Her eyes widened in surprise. “I had no idea.”

“No. It shames me that I treated you so curtly in the beginning. I actually hoped that things wouldn’t work out between you and Carson because I wanted you for myself. I had planned to swoop in and claim you the minute things ended between you and Carson. But it became very clear that he had no intention of letting you go. I damned my luck. Here was the woman of my dreams and she was with my best friend. I saw how happy you made him. I fully admit, I looked for faults. I looked for any evidence that you weren’t what was best for him. Hell, I hoped that he’d lose interest or you’d do something to put him off. That makes me a total bastard, but that’s the truth.”

He turned back to her, his eyes dark with regret.

“I wanted you to fail just so I could have you as my own. But I saw how devoted you were to him. I saw how other men made veiled invitations, flirted with you, propositioned you, and you never even looked their way. You were one hundred percent loyal and devoted to Carson. How could I not want that for my best friend? It was hell, Joss. Hell watching him be so damn happy and resenting him with every breath. And worse was the fact that after he found out, he wasn’t even pissed. He laughed and said he couldn’t blame me for wanting you when he was consumed with that same want. He told me that it was a damn good thing he’d met you first because I would have locked you in my bedroom and never let you out. He wasn’t wrong.”

She shook her head in bewilderment, unable to process everything he’d said.

“I thought all this time you didn’t like me. Not at first. Later, I knew you’d come to accept me, but I always felt like you didn’t approve in the beginning. You intimidated me.”

He pressed his forehead to hers, stroking her hair with one hand. “I’m sorry for that, honey. You’ll never know how much. But I was in an impossible situation, and having to see you with Carson, seeing the both of you so blindingly happy, was like a fist to my gut every single time. But you have to know, I need you to know, that I never wished him ill. Losing him hurt me, and if I could have him back, I’d let you go in a heartbeat, even if it meant killing myself in the process.”

Tears filled Joss’s eyes. She blinked furiously, determined not to let them fall.

“Thank you for that,” she whispered. “It means a lot to me that you cared so much about him. He loved you, you know. He never had a family. Just Kylie. You and your family meant so much to him.”

“I’ll regret his death for the rest of my life, but honey, you need to know that at the same time I do not regret having this opportunity with you. I’d give anything to have him back, but I can’t bring myself to regret having you in my bed and in my life.”

She smiled, a wobbly smile, her lips quivering with the effort. He kissed each corner of her mouth to steady her lips.

“I don’t regret it either,” she said in a low voice. “I want to see where this takes us, Dash. I’m willing to take the risk.”

The doorbell rang, interrupting the intimacy that surrounded them like a fog. He kissed her once more and then smoothed her hair that was slightly mussed. She hastily ran her fingers through her hair as he rose. He touched her cheek.

“You look beautiful, honey. There’s not a thing wrong with you. Sit tight and I’ll let Jensen in.”

She scooted to the edge of the couch as Dash disappeared to answer the door. She sucked in steadying breaths, cursing her sudden bout of nerves. He was just a man. His opinion of her didn’t matter. But she wanted this meeting because she was curious about the man who’d fill the vacancy left by Carson.

A moment later, Dash returned, Jensen Tucker close behind. She sucked in her breath at her first look at the man Dash was taking on as a partner. If she’d thought Dash was intimidating in the beginning, Jensen Tucker scared the hell out of her.

He looked intense, brooding, utterly focused and scary as hell. His skin was tanned, matching his hair and eyes, brown, as though he spent a lot of time in the sun. He had a rugged appearance that screamed military or cop. She wondered what his past was and if she was right in her assessment that he was a warrior.

Kylie would likely dive under her desk the moment she laid eyes on Jensen. Joss felt sorry for her because Kylie feared strong, dominant men, and Jensen Tucker definitely qualified on all counts.

When Dash stopped in front of her, he extended his hand to help her up. She rose gracefully, though her heart was pounding as she stared up at Jensen. Then he smiled at her, a gentle smile that transformed his entire face from brooding to a much softer-looking man. It was as if he knew he intimidated her and was taking pains not to do so.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and extended her hand to his.

“I’m Joss Breckenridge,” she said quietly. “Dash has told me a lot about you. I’m very happy to meet you.”

Jensen’s hand closed over hers, firm, strong, just as he appeared. But he surprised her by lifting her hand to his mouth to press a kiss to the back of it.

He squeezed once before letting her go and Dash reclaimed her hand, pulling her into his side as if to openly declare his possession. Joss found she didn’t mind at all. Her heart fluttered over the fact that Dash was publicly putting his stamp on her.

“I’m happy to meet you as well, Joss. Pictures don’t do you justice. You’re far more beautiful in person.”

She blinked in surprise, wondering where he would have seen pictures of her. She tucked that away to ask Dash later. It relieved her that Jensen made no mention of Carson. No condolences, no dancing around the issue of him replacing her dead husband. He didn’t bring it up at all, as Joss had feared he would, and that it would make the entire evening awkward.

Delighted that everything seemed to be off on the right footing, she directed her attention to both men, remembering her duties as hostess. Though it had been several years since she’d entertained, when she and Carson were married, they’d entertained often.

She was naturally shy and it had been hard to overcome her self-consciousness and get used to being open and friendly with strangers. But over time and with Carson’s encouragement, she’d managed to become adept at handling social situations.

“What would you two like to drink?” she asked. “And please, sit down and make yourselves comfortable. There are appetizers in the kitchen. I’ll bring them out as soon as I’ve gotten you your drinks.”

“You don’t have to serve us, honey,” Dash murmured, but there was approval in his eyes. “Why don’t you get the tray of food and I’ll fix mine and Jensen’s drinks. Would you like a refill of your wine?”

She smiled. “Yes, thank you. I’ll be back in a moment.”

Dash watched as she walked away, the heels she wore accentuating her shapely legs. They didn’t go unnoticed by Jensen either. The other man glanced up at Dash, a gleam in his eyes.

“I can see why you moved in so quickly,” Jensen murmured. “She’s a woman a man would do anything to possess.”

“Yes,” Dash said shortly. “And she’s definitely claimed. Remember that.”

Jensen chuckled. “No need to get uptight. I prefer very specific qualities in the women I’m with. Not many women are up for what I demand. I doubt Joss would take me very well.”

Intrigued, Dash lifted an eyebrow as he studied the other man. They were venturing into personal territory, an area they’d never delved into. Their dealings had been purely business, but he assumed if they were going to be partners that at some point they’d learn more about one another.

“Care to explain that? That’s pretty vague,” Dash muttered.

Jensen’s features were indecipherable. “Submission. I require absolute submission in the women I’m with.” He shrugged casually. “Not many women are willing to give a man absolute control.”

It didn’t surprise Dash in the least. Jensen was a hardass bastard. Dash had figured they had more in common than just business interests, but they’d certainly never discussed their personal lives.

“I think Joss may surprise you in that area,” Dash said dryly. “Not that I want you testing her receptiveness. She’s mine.”

“Apparently we have more in common than I thought,” Jensen said. “And if I get what you’re saying, then you really are a lucky bastard. Too bad she’s taken. If she’s not only beautiful and intelligent but submissive as well, then I’m sorry I met her too late.”

“Story of my life,” Dash murmured. “I was too late the first time. Fate gave me another chance and I don’t intend to fuck it up.”

Sympathy shone in Jensen’s eyes. “So you had a thing for her when she was married. And to your best friend. That had to suck.”

“You could say that.”

A thoughtful look crossed Jensen’s face. “I’m fairly new to the area as you know. When we first met, it was through business trips to Houston. But now that I’m here, I haven’t really had time to scope it out. Any clubs here? You know anything about the places in this area?”

“Yeah. There’s one good one. Very exclusive. It’s called The House. Owned and managed by Damon Roche. Wealthy son of a bitch and he caters to an upscale clientele. He’s backed off in recent months. He’s married and has a daughter who occupies most of his time, but he still keeps a hand in the operations. I can give you his contact information and put in a word for you. He does an extensive background check on prospective members, but it’s a very well-run, safe place. I think you’d like it. There’s something for every sexual proclivity there and no shortage of submissive women looking for what a man like yourself provides.”

“Thanks. I’ll take you up on that.”

“Just do me a favor. Since we’ll be working together, and not that I expect you to apprise me of your comings and goings, but I intend to take Joss there a few times and I wouldn’t want her to be uncomfortable, so I’d appreciate a heads-up if you plan to be there. I’d rather avoid the nights when we’d run into people she knows.”

“No problem,” Jensen said.

“There is another couple who has a membership there. You’ll likely meet them at some point because they are friends of mine and Joss. Chessy and Tate Morgan. They’re married and they go, though more infrequently than they used to. I plan to get with Tate to ensure we don’t run into them on the nights I take Joss.”

“It would appear you’re acquainted with many people who share our choice of lifestyle,” Jensen said dryly.

“They aren’t as uncommon as one might believe,” Dash countered. “It’s just not something most couples advertise. I never dreamed that Joss would be open to this kind of relationship. Hell, I’ve waited three long years to make my move and I was damn near too late. She showed up at The House one night when I was there and I hadn’t been in a damn long time. It was fortunate I was there or she would have ended up with some other guy who wouldn’t treat her as well as I will.”

“Lucky indeed,” Jensen murmured. “If I had been there, she certainly wouldn’t have gone home alone. I’ll have to check this place out. You’ve intrigued me now.”

Dash scowled at Jensen’s statement until he saw the twinkle in the other man’s eyes. Jensen was yanking his chain, the bastard, and Dash had risen to the bait.

“One other thing you need to know, or rather prepare yourself for,” Dash said quickly, wanting this part of the conversation over before Joss returned from the kitchen.

Jensen arched an eyebrow.

“You know I told you I wanted to tell Joss and Kylie myself before we announced our partnership. Joss took it very well, but then I expected nothing less from her. Kylie, however, won’t take it as well.”

“You haven’t told her yet?”

Dash shook his head. “I plan to tell her Monday when she comes to work. The thing is, you should know dominant men scare the fuck out of her. I don’t know how much you know of her situation. Hers and Carson’s. They grew up in hell. Their father was an abusive son of a bitch who ran his household with an iron fist. His brand of dominance was bullshit. No true Dominant would ever abuse his wife or children. But she doesn’t know the difference. She fears strong men, and hell, you scared Joss to death when you first walked in. I could see it in her eyes though she covered it well and recovered quickly. But you should know that Kylie is going to be extremely wary around you.”

“I’m not going to be a bastard to her,” Jensen said, a defensive note to his voice.

“I know that,” Dash said. “I just thought you should know where she’s coming from. Don’t take it personally. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her experience with men in general. She doesn’t trust anyone. Carson shielded and protected her well into her adult life. I’m not sure he did her any favors even though I understand where he was coming from. I’m just letting you know that things may not be easy at first between the two of you. And I’d appreciate it if you were patient and understanding with her.”

Jensen nodded, his expression growing dark. “How bad was it?”

“The worst,” Dash said quietly. “His wife tucked tail and ran, leaving the kids at his mercy, and he abused them horribly. Kylie got the worst of it maybe because she reminded him of his wife. Who the hell knows? Carson wasn’t always able to protect her, though God knows he tried. Her father raped her and beat her. Repeatedly.”

“Son of a bitch,” Jensen swore. “No wonder she’s so wary around men. Can’t say I blame her. I’ll be careful with her. I don’t want her to fear me. It sickens me that any woman would have reason to fear men as she does.”

“In that we agree,” Dash said. “Carson couldn’t give Joss what she needed. Dominance. And she loved him too much to ask it of him. But he knew. And now that she’s taken that step and wants what I can give her, I’ll do whatever it takes to make her happy again.”

“I wish you luck,” Jensen said sincerely. “She’s a good woman. You’re a lucky son of a bitch.”

“I know,” Dash said quietly.

They both fell silent when Joss reentered the room carrying the silver tray with the hors d’oeuvres she’d prepared earlier.

She was a dream in the kitchen. When she and Carson had entertained in their home she’d always prepared all the food despite Carson telling her he’d have it catered. She’d always laughed and told him there was no need and that she enjoyed cooking. Dash looked forward to her cooking for him even if he planned to spoil her by cooking for her. It was a duty they could share. He liked the idea of being in the kitchen with her. His kitchen. He wanted her to settle in and make herself at home. Put her stamp on his sterile environment. He couldn’t wait for her to light up his entire home and make it her own.

“Thank you, Joss. This is delicious,” Jensen said appreciatively after downing two of the confections.

“I got caught up in conversation and didn’t fix our drinks,” Dash said ruefully. “I’ll remedy that at once. Hand me your wineglass, honey. I’ll pour yours first.”

“Oh, I’ll get them,” she said hastily. “You two continue your conversation. I can make most drinks. Carson bought me a book one year and it became my mission to be able to make any drink requested when we entertained. Try me. What can I get for you?”

Jensen smiled and sent Dash another look before mouthing, “Lucky bastard.” Dash grinned and acknowledged Jensen’s silent compliment with a smug nod.

“Surprise me,” Dash said. “Fix me whatever you decide. I’ll like whatever you make. Promise.”

“Same here,” Jensen said. “Only thing I don’t care for is rum. Anything else goes.”

Joss’s smile was breathtaking. Her eyes warmed with delight and sudden shyness. Dash could see her worry even as her mind was buzzing with what to fix. She didn’t want to disappoint him. Didn’t she realize that it wasn’t possible to disappoint him? She could fix him rubbing alcohol, and as long as she smiled at him that way, he’d drink it down and never taste it.

“Sit, please, and make yourselves comfortable,” Joss said, gesturing toward the chairs. “I’ll be back in a moment with your drinks. Dash? Is your minibar stocked or do you store most of your liquor in the kitchen?”

“Everything you need should be there,” he replied. “And if it isn’t, let me know and I’ll get whatever you need.”

She sent him another dazzling smile and hurried toward the bar to the far left of the living room. He watched her, unable to tear his gaze away from her. Satisfaction gripped him by the throat, spreading clear to his soul.

“Man, you’ve got it bad,” Jensen murmured. “Can’t say I blame you though. She’s a jewel.”

“Yeah, she is that,” Dash said in a low voice as the two men took their seats. “She wanted to meet you. She asked for tonight’s meeting. I wonder what she thinks of you and if she’s as smitten as you are.”

Jensen grinned. “Can’t say I’d complain if she was.”

“I’ll slice your balls off,” Dash bit out.

Jensen laughed and Joss looked up from where she was mixing the drinks, a puzzled look on her face.

Dash smiled back at her and waved her off. “Just guy talk, honey. Don’t let us interrupt you.”

“So this thing with Kylie,” Jensen began, turning the subject to a more serious matter. “How much of a problem do you anticipate my presence will be?”

“I can’t answer that,” Dash said honestly. “I don’t think she’d take any new partner well at first. In her mind, you’ll be replacing her brother. She’s used to working for me and Carson, but more so for Carson. He brought her into the company when she graduated college. A protective measure on his part because he wanted her where he could take care of her. As I said, he likely didn’t do her any favors, but I also understand why he wanted to protect her. She’s . . . fragile. She still carries the emotional scars of her childhood abuse. Carson was determined to shield her from any hurt in her adult life.

“After he died, she took it hard and it was a while before she could work comfortably with me, even though I’d been there from the start. But she worked in a closer capacity with Carson. I was more of a secondary boss. When I took over, she reported directly to me and acted as my personal assistant. I had one before Carson died, but I dismissed her so Kylie would still have a position.

“I thought she could act as assistant to us both. She is certainly capable of handling the workload and she knows every single thing that comes through the business. She’s good. But you may opt to hire your own assistant depending on how she reacts to your presence.”

“In other words, she’s been babied and coddled by you both,” Jensen said.

Dash nodded. “You could say that.”

“Please be understanding with her, Jensen,” Joss said quietly.

Both men looked up to see Joss standing there, drinks in hand. Her expression was troubled, clear worry reflected in her eyes.

She handed them their drinks and then took a seat next to Dash on the couch. She reached for his hand and he wondered if she even realized that she was reaching out to him for support.

“I have no intention of being a jerk to her,” Jensen said gently.

“I didn’t mean to insinuate you would,” Joss said, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. “It’s just that Kylie is . . . fragile.”

Her words echoed Dash’s own description of just moments ago.

“She sees things very black-and-white and she’s cautious. She’s had reason to be,” Joss continued. “And you’ll frighten her. I don’t say that to insult you,” she hastily added. “But you’re a very intimidating man. I worry about her—for her. When she feels threatened, she lashes out, and I worry that will anger you or perhaps make you want to replace her. She needs this job, Jensen. Not for the money. Carson provided very generously for her and for me. But she needs the stability. The routine. She’s very good at what she does. I know most people would look at her and think that she got the job because she was Carson’s sister, and that’s true to an extent. But she’s very intelligent and capable. She graduated with a business degree with honors. She’s an asset, as I’m sure Dash can attest.”

“Joss, you don’t have to defend her to me. Dash has told me of her past, and it’s understandable that she’d be wary. I give you my guarantee that I’ll do everything in my power to put her at ease. If she does the job and proves herself to be as indispensable as you say she is, then she’ll have nothing to worry about.”

“Thank you,” Joss said earnestly. “She’s more than a sister-in-law to me. After Carson d-died, she had no one. Just me and Chessy and of course Dash and Tate.”

Dash squeezed her hand, proud of the way she’d managed to speak of Carson’s death, only stumbling slightly over the word “died.” She was making progress, and it gave him hope that he could come to mean more to her and that Carson wouldn’t be a wedge between them even in death.

“You’re a very loyal friend to her,” Jensen said. “I hope she knows just how lucky she is to have you.”

Joss’s cheeks colored adorably and she was obviously uncomfortable with Jensen’s compliment. Dash wanted to pull her into his arms and hug her. Hell, he wanted Jensen to get the hell out so he could take her to bed and make love to her all damn night.

Already his mind was alive with all the possibilities. Free rein. There were dozens of ways he planned to have Joss at his mercy. He could barely contain himself and couldn’t wait to show her all the ways he’d exert his dominance.

“When do you plan to tell Kylie?” Joss asked, directing her question at Dash though she included both men in her question.

“Monday morning,” Dash said. “When she comes into work.”

Joss frowned but held silent.

“What is it, honey? You obviously want to say something,” Dash gently encouraged.

“It’s not for me to decide,” she began.

“Say what you want to say,” he directed.

She drew in a breath. “I just thought that perhaps something like this should be said outside of work. It’ll be a shock. And we’re friends. I mean, you’re more than just her employer. I think you owe it to her to tell her someplace more intimate.”

“What did you have in mind?” Dash asked slowly.

She glanced nervously up at him and he wanted to pull her into his arms and reassure her. She had nothing to fear from him. No disapproval. There was nothing she could do that would earn his censure.

“You could invite her here,” Joss said. “We could tell her together. It may be easier than at work. It would also give her time to come to terms before she has to go to work. Time to deal with it so she has it together by the time she has to go in on Monday.”

“It’s not a bad idea,” Jensen said. “No one wants her hurt by this and obviously I’m going to be a sore subject with her.”

“What if you came too?” Joss said.

Jensen looked surprised and then wary.

“I don’t mean right away,” Joss said hastily. “But perhaps it would be a good idea for you two to meet in neutral territory. She can see that you aren’t an ogre. We could have Kylie over and have a dinner party Sunday night. We could invite Tate and Chessy to come so that Kylie meets Jensen in a group setting. What do you think, Dash?”

Hell, if it meant her coming to terms so quickly with him and her being together, and she didn’t mind their friends knowing it? He’d agree to damn near anything. Kylie be damned. Joss wanting to host a dinner party at Dash’s house, as a couple? Hell yes.

Dash glanced over at Jensen. “You up for dinner Sunday night?”

“Say yes,” Joss said impulsively, leaning forward to take Jensen’s hand. “We’re very much family. It’s always been that way with Carson and Dash’s company. I’d like for you to be a part of that.”

Jensen looked befuddled and Dash nearly chuckled. Another victim of Joss’s magic. She could soften even the hardest heart and no one could ever refuse her. Not when she asked so prettily. Hell, it would be like kicking a puppy.

“I’d like that,” Jensen said, and was rewarded by a blinding smile from Joss.

She latched onto both of Jensen’s hands and squeezed, delight shining in her eyes.

“I’ll cook a marvelous dinner,” she said, excitement evident in her voice. “You’ll like Tate and Chessy. You’ll like Kylie too when you’ve had a chance to see what she’s really like.”

Jensen smiled back at her. Joss’s enthusiasm and evident happiness was contagious. Jensen glanced Dash’s way, and he didn’t even have to mouth the words this time. It was evident in his look. Lucky bastard. Yeah, Dash was lucky all right. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve this chance with Joss but he wasn’t about to spend any time pondering the whys and wherefores.

He’d grab the opportunity with both hands and hang on for all he was worth.