My Liege of Dark Haven

Chapter Eighteen

I don’t want to do this. Abby was shaking with fear. As Xavier limped into Dark Haven, she wanted to stop him and tell him that she changed her mind.

At the reception desk Lindsey handed a waiting Dom a bright-green wristband and looked over with a smile. She spotted Abby, and her face turned cold.

Abby closed her eyes and swallowed down tears.

“Good evening, Lindsey,” Xavier said.

“Good evening, my liege.”

In the locker area, Xavier took Abby’s coat and hung it up, leaving her naked except for her glasses.

She stopped at the door to the main room. I forgot to put on my big-girl panties. “Wait.”

“No, pet.” He pushed her inside.

She tried a calming breath. It didn’t work.

“Stay brave.” He led the way across the room.

Staying a step behind him, she focused on the backs of his boots. The temperature took a decided drop as whispers whipped around her like sleet, stinging her skin.

He climbed the stairs to the left-hand stage, leaning heavily on his cane.

She hesitated. I’d really prefer to stay down here, thank you very much. He glanced back, motioned, and she followed. Clasping her numb hands in front of her, she stared at her bare feet.

“If I might have your attention.” Xavier’s voice held no emotion. He wasn’t gloating about her punishment. If anything, his attitude was sympathetic—although inflexible.

Someone at the bar cut the music to the dance floor, and silence spilled across the room.

“I posted on the members’ Web site and sent you all an e-mail about Abigail’s research. By doing her fieldwork here without my knowledge or the consent of the members, she has broken club rules…as well as the unspoken ethics of our community.”

The angry murmuring was in agreement. Guilt washed through Abby again.

“However, I read the ethnography essay as well as the notes she kept. She presents our community in a good light. No names appear. Dark Haven isn’t mentioned by name or location. Members are not described. No scene descriptions are used. Basically she’s looking at the club dynamics in an interesting way, like an extended family, showing the social network, the interactions, and the hierarchy.”

The crowd was silent.

“Since I’m at the top of that hierarchy, I rather enjoyed it.”

Mild laughter.

“If she survives tonight and still wishes to be a member of this club, I’ve given her permission to finish her research here tomorrow and next weekend. I’ll post a sign in the reception area and send an announcement to the members, so you can stay away if you wish. Once the paper is finished, a copy will be available online for anyone interested, and concerns can be addressed before she sends it to the journal for publication. Questions so far?”

“What do you mean if she survives tonight?” A woman’s voice, strong and self-assured.

“I’m speaking of her punishment, Angela. It’s divided into two parts, and the members who were wronged are invited to participate.”

That started a murmur of approval.

Abby bit her lip. Xavier hadn’t told her what he planned.

“Are you talking blood sports, Xavier?” DeVries’s rough voice was all too recognizable, and Abby shivered. Blood? She’d have stepped back, but her feet were frozen to the floor.

“No blood. Sorry,” Xavier said.

“Well, now I’m really disappointed.” The Enforcer’s voice didn’t match his words—he didn’t sound upset.

“Members present on the same nights as Abby should have received a green band,” Xavier said. “Abigail’s first session is on the spanking bench. Any Dom or submissive can trade me their green band and administer one swat with the paddle.”

Abby felt a tremor run through her and stiffened her spine. It’s just pain.

“She’ll get a short recess. Then, since she was ‘observing’ people, Abigail will be blindfolded and hooked up to the fucking machine. Any Dom can exchange the band for one minute with the controls. I’ll monitor and stop the machine before she can orgasm. At the end of that time you’ll see—and undoubtedly hear—her climax. Since she observed yours, you may now observe hers.”

Applause broke out.

Oh no, absolutely no. She wrapped her arms around herself as her whole body shook.

“When her punishment ends, she will apologize, and then, as we do for a properly penitent submissive, we forgive her. Questions or complaints?”

Murmuring.

“Sounds quite fair, Xavier,” a Dom called.

“Thanks for letting us participate in her punishment,” another said. “We know you didn’t have to do that.”

Xavier’s boots appeared in front of Abby. His calloused hand cupped her chin. “Look at me.”

She lifted her eyes to his dark ones.

He studied her for a minute, then nodded. As he ran his thumb along her jawline, the simple caress made her shudder in her loneliness. “Follow me downstairs.”

In the dungeon he guided her to lie facedown on what they called a sawhorse. It resembled a warped picnic table with the tabletop only the width of a torso. The leather was cold under her belly, adding to her frozen feeling. Her breasts hung on either side of the narrow board. Padded benches supported her knees and lower legs and forearms.

Xavier put wrist cuffs on her and secured her arms and legs, adding another strap over her lower back. Her bottom stuck out over the end. She tried to move, couldn’t, and her fear grew. It’s pain. I can handle pain. They’d hit her only on her butt.

He took an incredibly wide paddle from his toy bag. When he laid the weapon on her back, she shivered at the cold hardness of it. She turned away from the room, then realized the wall in this section was mirrored. Her face would be visible, no matter what. Her breathing hitched, and nausea roiled inside her.

“Do you feel as if you’re on display, pet?” Xavier asked, squeezing her shoulder. How could she be so desperately grateful for his touch?

“Yes,” she whispered. I don’t want to do this. I want to go home. I wish I’d never met you people.

ANY LINGERING ANGER at her had died the minute the little fluff had followed him into the club. A submissive who took responsibility for her own actions was one to be cherished. Xavier went down on one knee so his face was level with hers. Leaning in to keep his words for her alone, he shared his body warmth. “You’re being very brave, Abby. I’m proud of you.”

Her eyes sheened with tears, and his heart ached. She was a true submissive; her Dom’s approval overshadowed everything else.

“Red is still your safe word, but using it means the punishment is at an end—as is your membership here.”

She nodded.

“If you feel more than pain or embarrassment, as in muscles cramping, dizziness, sickness, your hands or feet going numb, then use yellow, and we’ll see what’s up. Do you understand? Say it aloud.”

“Yellow means you’ll check on me. Red means I”—her face twisted—“I lose my membership, but the punishment will stop.”

He saw her determination to see it through. “Good. Abby, I’ll be here the entire time, never more than two or three feet away. You’re mine, little fluff, and I won’t leave you.”

Her tears spilled. “Thank you, my liege.”

They were both going to hurt before this was over. With a silent sigh, he pulled her glasses off and set them at her fingertips where she could touch them. “Let’s begin. Remember, if you keep your muscles relaxed, it won’t hurt as much.”

Her huffed laugh, and the look she gave him—easy for you to say—lightened his heart. He ruffled her hair and moved to one side.

Despite the cluster of people standing around, no one stepped forward until Simon gave an exasperated snort. He handed Xavier a green band, picked up the paddle, and dealt Abby a mildly stinging swat across both cheeks.

Abby jerked slightly but didn’t make a sound.

“I forgive you, pet.” After handing the paddle to another Dom, Simon asked Xavier in a low voice, “Will she last?”

“She’s more stubborn than you’d think.”

“How about you?”

Xavier wanted to kill every single person who looked as if they’d pick up the paddle. “I want to protect her. Instead I’m the one who arranged to give her pain.”

“I know the feeling.” Simon squeezed his shoulder. “But she needs forgiveness from more than just you. Her pleasure in the friendships she made here was obvious, and she’ll be able to recover them now. You know that, or you wouldn’t have included the members.”

“I do know, but your approval helps.”

“I also noticed you picked a paddle so big that even deVries couldn’t do any damage.”

Very true. Xavier gave him a half smile. The large size of the paddle would spread the impact over a wider area. She’d hurt after this, but the pain would be superficial.

Time dragged.

He accepted several more green bands from Dominants in closed relationships and from submissives. The Doms usually administered a blow just over the edge of painful. Exactly what he considered appropriate.

Unless they were switches, submissives rarely struck another person, and their blows varied widely. Most gave Abby a light tap, their sympathy obvious. Seeing her in tears had dispelled their anger, even before they picked up the paddle. However, a few appeared openly vindictive and hit much harder.

“Your turn, ladies.” Simon said, pushing his wife and Lindsey toward Xavier.

Xavier glanced at Abby. Silently suffering—silently breaking his heart. Hands in fists, the little fluff had her eyes closed. At least she wouldn’t know her friends were here.

Lindsey administered a tap that barely touched Abby’s skin, more of a caress than a blow. Openly sobbing, she threw the paddle at Simon and ran.

Simon picked up the paddle and held it out to Rona.

She pushed it back, then yanked the green band off her wrist. “Abby’s already crying, you bastards. What more do you want—blood?” After throwing the band on the floor, Rona gave Xavier a deadly look and walked away.

Yes, he’d always liked Simon’s wife.

OW, OW, OW. The first few hits hadn’t been bad, but the pain had built up until now even the mild swats hurt. Her whole bottom burned. She’d tried to loosen her muscles at first, but that battle was lost. Tears leaked from her closed eyes and pooled on the leather under her cheek.

Then she received a blow so hard it rocked the sawhorse. A fireball of pain burst through her, and she screamed. It hurt. Hurt. She started crying and couldn’t stop.

“Greta, stay right there.” Xavier’s voice sounded like ice.

A second later he bent down beside Abby. His hand stroked her forearm. “She was out of line. She’ll learn manners, but that doesn’t help you now.”

His sympathy and anger did, though. It really did. She pulled in a shuddering breath.

With a paper towel he wiped her eyes and held it to her nose. “Blow, pet.”

Too miserable to resist the command, she complied…and felt better. When she squinted at the mirror, the reflection showed the blurry figure of Greta, a pretty, large-boned woman in a chain dress. The submissive had made nasty remarks about Xavier spending so much time with Abby.

With one hand on Abby’s shoulder, Xavier straightened and leaned on his cane. Greta stared at the floor as he said icily, “This is punishment, not an exercise in sadism.”

“I’m sorry, my liege. I had no idea it was too hard.”

Sure, you didn’t. If Abby could have stood…

“I see. Well, we all have to learn sometime. Master deVries, would you mind giving Greta five swats at the appropriate level for punishing an unknown submissive. Finish with five at the same strength Greta used on Abby. I’m sure, next time, she’ll know the difference.”

“My pleasure,” deVries said smoothly.

“B-b-but…” Greta stuttered in shock and tried to retreat.

Had she never been taken to task for her behavior? Then again, her unpleasant personality might be why she didn’t have a Master.

Smiling slightly, deVries grabbed Greta’s long hair and wrapped it around his fist before dragging her toward the prayer benches in the center of the room.

“Next up, please,” Xavier said.

Abby closed her eyes again. A minute passed. The next person administered a tentative tap as if terrified she’d be a candidate for a deVries lesson. The following few swats hurt—oh, they definitely hurt—but none came close to Greta’s.

Then nothing happened. As minutes passed Abby breathed slowly, trying to deal with the burning of her skin.

“You’re done, pet.”

She jumped. Done? Relief rushed through her.

As Xavier moved closer, she pulled at the restraints. “Let me out.” Now, now, now.

“Shhh.” He ran a hand down her back in a soothing stroke. “I’m going to rub some cream on your very red ass. You’ll still have bruising, but this will help.”

“I want free.”

“No.” His smile flickered. “This will hurt, Abby. And I have enough scrapes from cliff diving. I don’t need more dealt out by a pretty little submissive.”

I can’t take it.

As he stroked the cool ointment over her tender skin, stinging flared from even his light touch. She yanked on the restraints, harder and harder.

“Abby, if you don’t stop, I’ll swat you myself.”

She froze.

“Good girl. You were punished, pet, and this is what happens afterward.” He continued, not missing a spot.

Every inch of her bottom throbbed and burned.

“Done.” He tossed the tube into his bag. After undoing her straps, he slid her glasses back on, then lifted her to her feet and looked her over.

She bet she just looked wonderful—dressed in wrist cuffs and glasses, red-eyed and covered in sweat. After a moment of dizziness, she found her balance.

When he wrapped a blanket around her, she realized her damp skin was chilling.

“With your permission, I’ll clean up, my liege.” Dixon stood a few feet away with paper towels and a spray bottle. His face was white. “So you can… Uh, I left water beside the couch.” When Abby tried to smile at him, his eyes filled with tears.

“That was thoughtful, Dixon. Thank you.” After claiming his cane, Xavier put an arm around her waist and guided her to a couch. Cane or not, he was still steadier than she was.

Keeping her wrist in his hand, he sat down and reclined against the arm with his injured leg beside the back cushions. He tugged her down onto his lap.

As his jeans scraped her bottom, pain flared, and she moaned. She hurt—hurt worse than she ever remembered. Why was she here? These people didn’t like her. They never would.

Xavier gathered her close, sliding farther down on the couch so she sprawled on top of him with no weight on her butt.

She struggled to get up.

With a firm hand he tucked her head against his shoulder. “Settle a bit, little fluff. You had a hard time.”

Her eyes blurred with tears as her body obeyed him. She closed her hand on the material of his shirt, hanging on tightly. People had hit her. Even the ones she’d thought were friends. Hurting her on purpose. She couldn’t keep the question back. “Why were they so mean?”

He laid his hand on her neck and curved his long fingers over her nape. His thumb stroked her cheek. “Abby…”

A sob ripped up through her tight throat, and she tried to choke it down. More came, and she buried her head against him and cried. She was guilty, and they’d hit her and she’d deserved it. Only she thought some were her friends. They’d humiliated her. And it hurt. It hurt.

“That’s right,” he murmured, his arm tightening. “Let it out now. I’m proud of you, Abby.”

By the time she finished, his shirt was soaked with her tears, and her eyes were even puffier than before. Her throat was raw, yet she felt…different. Cleaner. Lighter. “Thank you,” she whispered.

He half laughed. “You’re very welcome.” He kissed the top of her head. “Bottling everything up isn’t good, and you do it more than most, pet.” As he wiped the tears from her face, she was grateful he’d instructed her not to wear makeup.

“I guess.”

“You asked a question.” He was silent a second. “Most lifestylers believe a suitable punishment and true repentance can clear damage done to a relationship so the wound doesn’t fester. They’re the ones who swatted you hard enough to sting, but not more. A few of the submissives…” The sound under her ear was almost a growl. “I think some might be envious of the attention you get.”

“From you,” she whispered.

“Yes.” He moved his hand and stroked up and down her bare back. “I’m afraid so, and I regret that you suffered more because of it.”

Like from nasty Greta. Then again, that sub wouldn’t be comfortable sitting any sooner than Abby. DeVries wasn’t known for gentleness. “It wasn’t your fault.”

He kissed her lightly before continuing, “Finally, those who know you well usually gave you swats so light as to be laughable. I doubt you even felt Lindsey’s. A few, like Rona, handed over their bands and didn’t take a turn. Simon said Dixon cut his into confetti and left it all over the reception desk.”

She realized her eyes had been closed for much of the punishment. “Really?” An aching knot inside her loosened, allowing a real breath.

“Yes, pet.” He reached around her to open a water and put it in her hands. “Drink that.”

The cool water tasted better than anything she’d ever had in her life. She guzzled half the bottle before taking a breath.

He chuckled and settled himself more comfortably. “Now relax.”

As the world moved on without her, she watched her thoughts float by and listened to the lazy lubb-dupp of his heart. Each breath he took lifted his chest, like a boat rocking on a quiet lake. People conversed nearby, and the rhythm of the dungeon continued with moans, the sounds of whips, floggers, paddles, and a scream or two.

Eventually the world snapped into place as if someone had changed the focus on a camera, sharpening the image. Her fingers tightened on his shirt.

“You ready for the next part?” Xavier asked.

“No.” She pulled in a breath. “But I’ll never be.”

“Are you sure you want to continue? There’s nothing forcing you to stay a member of the club, Abby.”

“I know.” She lifted her head, wondering if she could explain to him…if she even understood it herself. “I want to be able to come here, and not only for my research.”

“Go on.” His gaze stayed on her face.

“I’ve made friends here, and they’re…open. Relaxed about life and involved in more than academics and social activities. I like them, and I don’t want to lose them.”

“That makes sense.”

She faltered out the last part. “If I use their point of view, I see it’s fair to make me experience being watched, like what I did to them.” A cold ball of ice grew in her belly as she thought of the machine. “But I hate it, and I might hate you.”

“It’s a risk.” His expression showed he meant it seriously, and he realized what this could do to their—whatever they had. “But if I gave you a meaningless, easy punishment, you’d continue to feel guilty. And I’d feel unhappy that I let the members down because of you. A D/s relationship can’t survive long with those kinds of emotions.” He kissed her forehead. “Let’s get this over with before you stew yourself into a puddle.”

No. No no no.