Needing Her

Chapter Twelve

Maci

MY HAIR WAS naturally straight, I usually just messed with it enough that it had that just-­fucked look. But even so, I used Amber’s flat iron to make sure it was perfect, before pulling it back in a low bun and stepping back to look at myself in the full-­length mirror. Even with still having red hair, I hardly recognized the person staring back at me. My makeup was a little lighter, the nose ring was still out, my hair was smooth, and I looked like I probably belonged on Bryce’s arm with the black peacoat I had on over my cream long-­sleeved shirt. But it wasn’t those changes that made me unrecognizable.

I usually smiled. I usually looked happy. Right now there was nothing, no emotion, no life in my eyes. I looked like I should be going to a funeral instead of a late Christmas Eve dinner with my family.

Forcing a smile, I immediately let it fall when it came across looking pained.

I shouldn’t be this upset about Connor, but I was. I shouldn’t have let myself fall in love with him, but I had. And at the moment, I didn’t know how I was going to make it through another family meal acting like everything was fine when it wasn’t.

Amber walked into our room and stopped quickly, a fake smile immediately pulling at her lips. “Don’t you look . . . different.”

“Why thank you, why don’t you just tell me I look like shit?”

Rolling her eyes, she crossed over to my bed and sat down. “Because you don’t. You’re really pretty, Maci. Like, you have no idea how much it pisses me off how gorgeous you are. You just don’t look a thing like my friend.”

“I don’t say anything when you endlessly go back and forth from blonde to brunette other than the fact that you’re killing your hair. You change the way you look, I’m changing—­”

“You. You’re changing you, not the way you look.”

I blinked slowly at her and turned toward the door. “We talked about this—­it’s time for me to grow up. Come on, let’s go upstairs.”

“It’s Bryce’s version of you growing up. You don’t need to change anything about the way you look, and it’s killing me to watch you do this to yourself. You’re trying to kill off my best friend. You’re shutting her up. You’re hiding her, however you want to see it, but you and I both know you won’t be happy like this.”

I stopped at the door and turned on her, whispering in case anyone was in the hall. “You only think that because I’m not happy right now. I’m going to be fine, I’m growing up, and I’m moving on. If you have a problem with it, then get the fuck over it. I don’t need my best friend telling me that I shouldn’t be a certain way!”

Amber’s head jerked back, and her eyes got massive.

“Look, I know I’m being mean right now, but you have no idea how tired I am of everyone constantly telling me what I should or shouldn’t do. You always told me not to see Bryce, and now you’re telling me not to change the way I look. My brothers won’t let me date anyone and are incessantly bugging me about that. Bryce always told me to stop cussing and told me I had to change the way I look because I looked like a mistress instead of a wife. And for some goddamn reason, every man in my life except for my dad is telling me to grow up. Obviously, whatever I’ve been doing is wrong, so I’m changing that. The only person who is just telling me to be who I want to be is my mom, and I can’t even tell her about being in love with someone because it will get back to my brothers. Do you understand how fucking tired I am?”

She blinked quickly and looked away for a second. “Yeah, I’m sor—­”

“I’m always hiding a part of me, there is only one person who has ever gotten all of me. My family gets a certain Maci, my friends get a certain Maci, and Bryce had a certain Maci. Connor had all of me . . . the good and the bad. For the first time I didn’t have to hide a part of my life or my personality, and it was so freeing. But he didn’t want me; I didn’t mean anything to him. And like everyone else, he told me to grow up. So I am. Can you please just be okay with that?” I wiped at my eyes and blinked back the wetness in them.

“Maci, I called—­”

The door swung open and my mom popped her head in. “Dinner is about done, you ready? You both look beautiful.”

“Thanks, Mom, we’re coming up.”

She focused on my eyes for a few seconds, but smiled and shut the door behind her as she left.

“What were you going to say?”

Amber chewed on her bottom lip and shifted her weight. “I’m sorry for what I’ve said to you. I just didn’t want you to change because of what Bryce said, and—­and I’m just sorry,” she said as she walked past me and opened the door again. “Be whoever you want, and date whomever you want; I’ll love you the same.”

My shoulders sagged when she walked out of my room, and I felt like such a bitch. Again. I really shouldn’t have said that to her, I was just so tired of everyone telling me how to live. Turning around, I walked into the hall and up the stairs. Everyone was already at the table when I got up there, and I was positive that if their wives hadn’t been there, Craig and Sam would be glaring at me just the same as Dakota and Dylan were.

Good to know we’re still not past the whole Bryce thing.

Dakota kept pulling my chair away from me every time I went to sit in it, and after a smack on the back of the head from my dad, he finally shoved it toward me hard enough that I fell into my sister-­in-­law Sarah’s lap.

“Dakota, that’s enough,” Dad chastised him, and I had the urge to put Dad between Kota and me.

No one said anything about Bryce, or my hidden relationship, throughout the rest of dinner. But just as I started to stand to help my mom and sisters-­in-­law clear the table, Dakota grabbed my arm and yanked me back down.

“Is there anyone else? Because you went a damn long time not telling us about Bryce; and that got serious enough that he’s still thinking he’s marrying you.”

“I’m not going to marry Bry—­”

“I know you’re not. You think we would let you?” he hissed in my ear. “I know you think we’ve been keeping you from having a relationship to be mean, but I promise you we’re just looking out for you. All we want to do is protect you from assholes like us, okay? We can’t do that if you’re keeping them from us.”

I yanked my arm from him and grabbed my plate, but lowered my head toward him before I stood. “Well you really haven’t given me another option, have you?”

“Maci, who else.” It wasn’t a question. It was a demand. But there was no point in telling them about Connor.

After grabbing his plate as well, I took a few steps past him, turned back around, and shook my head sadly. “You know the funny thing about what you just said, Dakota? You say that you all want is to protect me, and that you’re looking out for me; but I don’t feel like I can even come to you guys if I need protecting. You’re my brothers, I’m supposed to feel safe because of all of you; instead I just feel like I need to hide everything about myself from you because you won’t approve or won’t allow it. You four are the last ­people I would think to call if I was in trouble.”

I ignored the shocked looks everyone was giving me and rushed into the kitchen to put the dishes on the counter. I turned to leave, but my mom grabbed me in a hug from where she was standing at the sink.

“I’m sorry, my sweet girl. I’m so sorry you’re hurting.” Cupping my cheeks, she pulled back to look in my eyes, and smiled sadly. “There’s something else, Maci, I can see it. Maybe someday you’ll talk to me about what’s going on with you? It hurts me that you feel like you can’t.”

My chest started burning and my throat closed up as tears pricked the backs of my eyes. Tonight was definitely not one of my finest. Yelling at my best friend, telling my brothers that they pretty much suck at being brothers. My heart breaking for my mom because I’d kept myself so closed off and had kept everything from her. I needed to get out of there. I just needed to go.

I squeezed my mom’s hands and removed them from my face before running out of the kitchen and through the house toward the front door. Just as my hand reached it, I was turned around, and my body sagged in defeat against the door when I saw Sam.

“Where are you going?”

“I just need to go, I need to get out of here and get away from everything for a minute and just think.”

“We’re your family, don’t run away from us. Dakota and Dylan are being dicks. What’s new? They’ll get over it.”

I shook my head quickly and grabbed the knob behind me. “You don’t understand, Sam. There’s so much going on right now that you just don’t understand. I need to be alone for a while, okay?”

His mouth pulled up on one side as he thought, and then turned to look behind him where the sounds of our family could be heard. “If you’re going outside, then I’m going with you.” He grabbed the first jacket he touched on the coat rack and shrugged it on as he stepped up right next to me. Not giving me the option to go alone.

“Despite everything we’ve said and done, you can’t let us stop you from having relationships,” he said after we’d been walking for a handful of minutes. “And I don’t mean hiding them, I mean actually having them. Bringing the guy around to meet the family, that sort of thing.”

“You’re not,” I said automatically.

He laughed humorlessly and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I need to tell you something,” he mumbled and stared off at the dark sky as we continued to walk.

“Are you going to tell me, or are you just going to make me wonder what it is?”

“I know about Connor,” he said suddenly, and stopped walking, turning his body so he was facing me.

My heart skipped painful beats hearing someone else say his name, and it took a ­couple seconds for me to understand what he was saying. My eyes widened as I slowly turned to look up at him.

“We . . . shit. He came and talked to us the day before we left for Mammoth, he wanted us to know that you were together. Dylan and Dakota forced him to leave you. I’d sided with Connor, but when I saw you the next day, I knew he’d listened to them.”

The way Connor had been acting that night played through my mind, and I felt sick. Sick over losing him, and over the fact that he had tried to stand up to my family, and my brothers had convinced him to leave me. I would expect that from Bryce, but not Connor.

“Wait! You sided with Connor? Why?”

Sam shrugged and a huff left him. “Because he’s a good guy, and he . . . well, after all he said. I knew he wanted to be with you forever, not just to screw around with.”

“We fucked, Maci, that’s all we did.” I sniffed and rubbed at my frozen nose before crossing my arms under my chest. “Well you were wrong about that, and it doesn’t matter. If he’s going to let them keep us apart, then he’s not worth it.”

“I’m not buying that, and I can tell you don’t even believe the shit you’re saying.”

“I will one day,” I countered, and his face morphed into a sympathetic smile.

“Maci, I had no clue you were with him; but from what he said, and what I’m seeing these last ­couple of days from you, I don’t think you will. He is worth it: What guy has ever had the balls to talk to you after we’ve told them to back off for just looking at you, let alone actually confront three of us at once and tell us he’s with you and not leaving you? Dakota and Dylan . . . they said some pretty fucked-­up shit. They hit him low, and they hit him hard. I’m still pissed off at them for what they did, but they really left Connor with no choice.”

Little puffs of clouds filled the space between us from our breath for silent minutes as tears filled my eyes, and eventually spilled over.

“There’s always a choice, Sam,” I choked out as I remembered Connor’s words the night my brothers had shown up at his apartment, and turned to head back to the cabin. “I just wasn’t enough for him, apparently.”

Sam grabbed me and pulled me back. “Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re not enough. And if that’s what this is”—­he gestured toward me—­“Maci, you look beautiful, but this isn’t you. This isn’t my little sister.”

“God, not you too. It’s just time for a change,” I repeated mechanically. “Why is that so difficult for everyone to comprehend?”

“If you wanna change, then change. But do it because it’s what you want for you and your life, not because other ­people have made you feel like you need to. After what I heard from the prick that’s high on his daddy’s money last night, you’re not doing this for you.”

“I’m not doing it for Bryce either.”

“And thank Christ for that. Deep down though, I think you’re letting everything he’s said to you—­and what happened to you and Connor—­get to you, and you think this is what you have to do. You don’t: all you have to do is be the Maci everyone loves, and let the rest fall into place, okay?”

Tears continued to fall down my face, but I didn’t try to brush them away anymore. The corners of my mouth lifted in a shaky smile and I cocked my head to the side as I looked at my brother.

“Who are you and what did you do with Sam?”

He laughed loudly and pulled me in for a hug. “Come on, let’s go back in. It’s freezing, and whichever twin’s jacket this is, it smells like he had prostitutes hanging all over him. Jessica is going to freak when she smells me.”

I didn’t have to ask what he was talking about. You could smell the jacket from a mile away. “I’ll back you up that it isn’t your jacket as long as you do me a favor. Don’t hold me back when I go ape-­shit on Dakota and Dylan’s asses when we get back.”

“Deal.”

But when we got back, Sam didn’t have to worry about holding me back. Craig and Dad were trying to moderate a yelling match that was getting closer and closer to a brawl between Dakota, Dylan, and Connor.

Connor

PARKING BEHIND THE multiple cars at the cabin, I started cursing at the icy walkway as I tried to run up to the door. Without knocking, I walked in and walked toward the living room, where I could hear voices.

“Connor!” Dakota said loudly, his voice deceivingly happy. His eyes looked dark when he noticed my mood.

“Where is she?” I huffed as I looked around the room. I heard a bunch of women talking in the kitchen and turned that way.

“We told you,” he began as he stood in front of me, stopping me from getting closer to the girls.

“I said where the fuck is she?”

“Hold on here,” Mr. Price said, standing up from one of the couches. “What the hell is going on?”

“Connor,” Dylan said in warning as he shook his head.

“Maci!” I yelled toward the kitchen, and Dakota pushed me back with a hard shove.

“We told you to stay away!”

“The fuck?” Craig said as he came to stand behind Dakota.

“And I should have never listened to you! Maci!”

The women began pouring into the living room, and I looked wildly for her.

“She’s not here,” Amber said, her face breaking out in a smile when she saw me. “She left, but Sam followed her.”

“Left? Left for where?”

“It doesn’t fucking matter, because we told you to stay the hell away from her!” Dakota yelled, and started coming toward me, but Craig stopped him.

“Now everyone just shut the hell up!” Mr. Price yelled and walked into the triangle Dakota, Dylan, and I were making. “This has been the most dramatic Christmas vacation I think we’ve ever had. Now someone better explain to me what’s going on, and I mean right now.”

Dylan opened his mouth, but I spoke over him. “I’m in love with your daughter.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ, not again,” Craig groaned.

“He can’t—­”

“No,” I cut Dylan off, and kept talking. “Whatever that asshole told you last night, don’t listen to him. Maci doesn’t want to be with him, I’ve seen the way he treats her, all he does is order her around and belittle her.”

“Like that’s much better than what you would do to her?” Dakota sneered.

“I won’t hurt Maci!” I yelled at him, and turned back to his dad. “I’ve been seeing your daughter all month. I know that’s not a long time, but I also know that there isn’t another girl for me out there.”

“Connor, I swear to God you better stop talking.”

“Dakota Price! Shut your mouth and let him talk!”

I looked over to Mrs. Price, and sent her a grateful smile.

“If you’re so in love with Maci, tell me why my little sister looks like she wants to die?” Craig asked before I could say anything else.

Mr. Price raised a graying eyebrow at me, and I shrugged lamely. “Because I listened to Dakota and Dylan when I shouldn’t have.”

“Wait.” Craig released Dakota and pointed at his brothers. “You both already knew about this and didn’t say anything?”

“He came to talk to us about their relationship the night before we came,” Dylan started, and his dad cut him off.

“What I’m not understanding is what I’m seeing right now. You three have been inseparable since you were kids, and now this?”

“They forced me to break up with Maci! Do you understand how much it killed me to do that, how much it killed me to have to lie to her so she would believe me, and then listen to her cry for the rest of the night? I feel like I’ve been suffocating ever since I left the goddamn bar after talking to you three!”

“Wait, three?”

“Sam was there,” I answered Craig.

“Why the fuck did everyone know except for me?”

“I hadn’t planned on Sam being there, I wanted to talk to Dakota and Dylan first.”

“Yeah,” Dylan started, “and we already told you our answer. You can’t date or marry Maci!”

“That’s not your fucking decision! You’re my best friend, but I never should have listened to you in the first place!”

“You know why we can’t let you be with her!” Dakota yelled back.

“Why can’t he be with her?” Mr. Price asked, the only calm male left in the room.

“Dakota, I swear to God I will die before I hurt your sister.”

“You don’t fucking know that!” He started toward me again, and Craig grabbed him to stop him.

“You told us—­”

“I know what I said, Dylan. But I will do everything to make sure I never hurt her!”

“You already have.”

All of the men froze, and some of the women gasped from where they’d been whispering to each other. Forcing myself to turn to the left, it took all my willpower not to run up to her and grab her in my arms.

“Maci,” I breathed. And when I saw her face covered in tears, I automatically started toward her, stopping when she held up a hand.

“Sam told me they made you do it, and for the record, I will not forgive either of you for that,” she looked at her brothers, and wiped at her face when she turned back to me. “But, Connor, you told me there was always a choice. You made yours.”

“Maci, no, you don’t understand. You have to let me explain.”

Sam bent down to whisper something in her ear, but she shook her head at him and spoke loud enough for us to hear. “I already told you, he let them tell him what to do.” Looking back up at me, my heart broke when she choked out, “That told me all I need to know. Just go home, Connor.”

My mind flashed back to Cassidy for the first time in a month. Having her tell me to leave the way Maci just had . . . but at the time, I’d listened to her and had left. Maci was different, I couldn’t leave her . . . not again. “I can’t.”

She turned toward the door, before looking back at me, fresh tears falling down her cheeks. “Why?”

“Because you’re mine, Maci! You’re. Mine.”

“You said—­”

“I know what I said . . . I was lying. I was scared of what your brothers knew about me, scared of what I could do to you . . . and so I did what I thought would be best for you. But I’m miserable, and I know you are too.” I had taken a few steps toward her, but was afraid of pushing her back, so I stopped halfway between her, Sam, and her family.

Maci shook her head, clearly confused. “What you could do to me . . . ? I don’t . . . what do they know?”

Turning to look at Dakota and Dylan, I shook my head when I realized and understood what I had to do. I threw my arms out at my sides helplessly when I looked back at Maci.

“I was abused as a child. That’s why I’m so protective of Amy. Because she was older, she took my half of the beatings until I was old enough to understand, and made sure that she took as little of them as possible. The guy wasn’t even my biological father, but it was my mom’s husband, and he was the one who raised us. He almost killed us one night, that’s how we met our adoptive parents. My dad was one of the detectives on scene, and he and my mom fought to adopt both Amy and me.”

The room had gone completely silent, and Maci stood there staring at me with wide, devastated eyes. Her mouth hanging open as she shook her head back and forth, like she was in denial.

“I’ve always felt like I had to protect Amy from men. After we were adopted, it took until she met her husband in college for her to trust anyone other than Dad and me. But the problem that your brothers have with us being together is I have my own demons to face from that time in my life. I’m . . . shit, Maci, I’m terrified of turning into him. I have nightmares of being him to my future family. I had no idea I’d even told your brothers about all this until they informed me when I approached them about us a ­couple days ago. Apparently I got wasted one night and told them. I told them that I’d ruin and destroy my future family.”

“Connor,” she whispered.

“That’s why they don’t want us together. That’s everything I’ve been keeping from you, and that’s why I left you. I thought I was protecting you.” Closing the distance between us, I got as close to her as I could without touching her. “Yes, I’m afraid to get angry, because I don’t know what I’ll do because of the nightmares I constantly have about turning into him. And I know I upset you, but I know that I would never hurt you, Maci.”

“I—­I had no idea. I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

Cupping her face in my hands, it felt like I was taking my first real breath in two days. “You’re not the one that’s supposed to be sorry. I’m sorry for what I did to you, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. But, Maci, I can’t lose you.” Pressing my forehead to hers, I whispered so only she could hear me. “You were so wrong the other night. You own me. Don’t you fucking get that?”

A sound that was half laugh, half sob, left her and she crushed her mouth to mine.

“I’m in love with you Maci,” I said against her lips. “God I’m so in love with you.”

“Connor.”

“What—­fuck, Mace!” I wheezed and bent forward when she punched me in the stomach.

“That’s for listening to my brothers.”

I deserved that. But, shit, that hurt. As soon as I straightened up, Maci threw herself at me; wrapping her legs around my waist as I gripped her body to mine.

“And I love you too.” She smiled at me wryly before I captured her lips again.

A few seconds later, someone started clearing their throat. I froze from kissing her, and slowly lowered her back down to the ground before facing her family.

Maci’s dad looked around like he was lost. “Well, this has been an interesting vacation so far.”

“That’s all you have to say?” Dylan asked. “Did you not hear what he just admitted to?”

Mr. Price turned to look at his sons and a sound of disapproval left his chest. “I did, and I must say . . . I’m disappointed in you two for how you’ve treated him and your sister. Every man has fears that he won’t be able to be the perfect husband and father; Connor’s are a little different, and for good reason. The fact that you let his fears get in the way of a lifelong friendship and used it against him so he would leave Maci pisses me off about as much as it upsets me to see my little girl cry. Connor just manned up to something he shouldn’t have to be ashamed of, and stood up to you all because he’s in love with your sister. The two of you could take a lesson.”

Dakota and Dylan both stood there staring at the floor with matching expressions of guilt and indecision. Like they couldn’t figure out if they wanted to continue fighting their side.

“I think we all need to go to bed so we can sleep on this, and we’ll talk about it again tomorrow. No one is level headed enough to continue with this conversation . . . if we can even call it that.” Mr. Price turned and walked over to Maci and me, his hand outstretched for me to shake it. “I’m glad it’s you, Connor. Really, I am. But if I catch you sleeping with my daughter tonight, I’m likely to change my mind on that. Your room is still free, I’ll be sure to check on both you and Maci often tonight.”

Gripping his hand firmly, I cracked a smile but looked him directly in the eye. “Understood, sir.”

Pulling me in close to pound on my back, he held me there as he said, “You’re a good man, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Wherever this takes you and my daughter, I’d be proud to have you in her life.”

I stood there in shock when he stepped back. After everything I’d just said, I wouldn’t expect that reaction from any dad, but especially Maci’s. He’d always been intimidating . . . which, considering my profession and the kinds of ­people I dealt with, is saying something.

Maci grabbed my hand, and I looked down to see her smiling up at me.

“Thank you,” she said softly, her gray eyes bright with left-­over tears.

“For what?”

“Coming back for me.”

Cupping her face in my hands, I leaned close and spoke low, hoping she understood how much I meant every word. “I’m sorry I ever left; I swear it will never happen again.”

When she nodded, I pressed my mouth to hers, and savored every second of her lips against mine until her dad grumbled, “Checking your rooms tonight.”

Maci laughed, and leaned in to steal another kiss when I quickly pulled away from her. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Smiling, I brushed back a few strands of her hair that had fallen forward. “Good night, Maci Price.”

With a wink, she turned and waited for Amber to join her before heading downstairs. Once everyone else began dispersing, I glanced over at Dakota and Dylan to see them watching me. Holding back a sigh, I headed downstairs as well and took the room I usually occupied.

Since I hadn’t taken the time to pack anything, I put everything on me on one of the nightstands, left my jeans on, and pulled my shirts off before climbing into bed. And for the first time since I’d made Maci cry, sleep came quickly.

JOLTING UP IN bed, I stopped reaching for my gun and blew out a deep breath when I saw Maci shutting and locking my door. The air rushed from my lungs at seeing her standing there, and I had to wonder if I was dreaming for a minute. A residual ache deep in my chest kept the reminder of what I’d done to her . . . but even through my sleep-­fueled haze, I remembered driving up to Mammoth and fighting to get her back.

“Mace, what are you doing?” I asked when she started moving from the door toward my bed.

“I need to be with you . . . I need to know this isn’t all a dream.”

My lips quirked up on one side, knowing I’d just been thinking the same thing; and even as I grabbed her hand and pulled her down next to me, I shook my head. “Your dad is going to kill me if he finds you in here.”

She made a scoffing noise. “He hasn’t checked on us once tonight, and he’s snoring loud enough that I doubt he’ll be up anytime soon.”

“Maci . . .” I began in warning, but she moved so she was straddling me, and pressed her fingers against my lips.

“Please, Connor. I need to know I didn’t just imagine everything. I need . . . I need to hear you say it again.”

Kissing her fingers softly, I removed her hand from my face and gripped the back of her neck to pull her closer so I could look into her eyes. “Hear what? That you own me? That I love you? That I’m a fucking idiot for ever thinking I could live without you, even if it was what’s best for you?”

Even in the darkness, I could see the brightness in her eyes from the tears gathering there. When one slipped down her cheek, I used my free hand to wipe it away and searched her face for a long while.

“I’m sorry for ever making you cry,” I whispered, “and I’m sorry for taking so damn long to realize what you mean to me. I swear to you I’ll spend the next seventy years making up for all the time with you I’ve lost.”

“Seventy?” she asked, her voice thick with emotion even though she was smiling. “You think we’ll last that long?”

“I know we will,” I vowed.

“We drive each other crazy.”

“I like our kind of crazy.”

“We’re always fighting,” she argued.

“As long as it’s you I’m fighting with.”

“It’s only been a month.”

“I wouldn’t care if it’d only been a week. I need you, Maci. I’ll always need you.”

A shaky smile crossed her face, and she dropped her head so I couldn’t see her eyes anymore. “I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember,” she admitted, her eyelids slowly lifting up to see my reaction.

How had I not known? Again, how had I never noticed her before? Knowing that nothing could make up for the years that I was blind to her, I tilted her head back up and kissed her lips gently. “I’m sorry it took me so long.”

She shrugged and said simply, “You’re here now.”

And I had no intentions of going anywhere. Maci now knew the one thing I’d been terrified of telling her, and though I didn’t know exactly how she felt about it all, I knew it wasn’t going to scare her away. But now that she knew about my past, and my fears, there was one more thing she needed to know.

“I need to tell you about Cassidy.”

I felt her body stiffen, and she sat up straighter, her eyes now worried with whatever I was about to tell her. “W-­who?”

“Christ, Maci, no. I didn’t do anything, I didn’t cheat on you,” I promised, and waited for her to relax . . . When she didn’t, I spoke again. “She lives in Texas with her boyfriend, but she’s the reason why I’ve been so different since this summer. I need to tell you about everything so you’ll understand why I was the way I was.”

“Okay,” she said warily, and started to move off my lap, but I kept her there. I needed her there, needed to feel her touch while I told her.

With a deep breath in, I told Maci everything. Told her about the family-­disturbance call that had first led me to Cassidy’s parents’ house years ago. How I’d believed Cassidy when she told me nothing was happening, and how after her mom burned the house to the ground right before summer started with her and her husband in it, I’d found out that Cassidy had been physically abused by her mom and stepdad every day since she was young. I told Maci about the black eye Cassidy’s boyfriend had given her accidentally when Cassidy tried to break up a fight he was involved in, and the day in the coffee shop where I’d told her everything about my life before being adopted. How our similar pasts, and her own fears that had closely matched mine, had left me begging her to be mine, and following her back to Texas after she’d left to be with her boyfriend again. And most importantly, how I’d left when she asked me to, and I’d spent six months trying to feel anything again, and find someone who could evoke any type of emotion in me. How Maci had done that, and more.

When I finished telling her everything, Maci studied my face for a long time before asking, “Do you still feel anything for her?” I shook my head, and began to respond, but she continued talking. “That’s a really intense reaction to have to another girl, you can’t tell me that after six months of the ‘Zombie Connor’ that suddenly there’s nothing left for her now.”

“She wasn’t you, Maci. I told you about my fears, and the nightmares that I have. I’d thought that Cassidy was the only one that would understand that and not judge me for it, because I didn’t want to put that kind of life on someone who hadn’t lived it. As fucked up as that seems . . . but I was wrong. And, if you think what you saw over the last six months was bad, you should have seen me after I made you believe I didn’t want you. I’d felt numb after Cassidy . . . but thought I was dying after what I did to you. I didn’t think I’d find someone to make me feel anything again after her . . . but didn’t know how I was supposed to live without you. Do you see the difference?”

“What if she came back?”

“She won’t,” I assured her.

“But what if she were to. What would you do?”

I looked into Maci’s eyes, and told her honestly, “I would thank her for inadvertently showing me that I deserved the life I want to have with you.”

Maci’s lips were on me fast and hard, and though I wanted nothing more than to kiss her forever, I forced our mouths apart and waited until she was looking at me again.

“I need to know what you think about everything you know now. My past, my fears for the future, Cassidy . . .” I trailed off.

She thought for a second, her lips pursing as her eyes got a faraway look. “I understand why you have your fears, but I know you and know that you won’t turn into him. I will never know what it was like to grow up the way you and Amy did, but I hate it for you and I’m here if you ever need to just talk about it. As for Cassidy . . . I’ve watched you change completely over the last month. If there were lingering feelings for her, you’d still be a zombie, so I believe you when you say there’s not.” I kissed her softly, and laughed when she whispered against my mouth, “Besides, if she came back, you really think I wouldn’t kick her ass if she tried to take you from me?”

“Nothing will keep me from you again.”

“I’m holding you to that,” she said softly before pressing her mouth to mine again.

The kiss was slow, but heated. After pulling down the zipper on her hoodie, and pushing it off her, I pulled the strap of her thin shirt over her shoulder, and left a trail of open-­mouthed kisses across her collarbone. Her skin was covered in goose bumps, and she shivered against me as her hands went to the jeans I was still wearing.

“Didn’t have anything to change into?” she teased.

“Don’t, Maci. If your dad walks in, he’ll kill me for what I’m already doing to you.”

“He won’t.”

“One of your brothers is in the room next to mine.”

Her hands didn’t stop as she undid the button and zipper. “Not right now, both Dakota and Dylan went to one of the bars in town to calm down and probably get some girls for a few hours.”

“They could be back soon—­fuck,” I groaned when she freed me from my jeans, and grabbed my length in her hands.

“Stop trying to come up with reasons not to, no one is coming in or going to hear us. And after everything, I need you. Please, Connor,” she begged in a small voice.

A low growl built up in my chest, and I pulled her off me to lay her down on the bed. Ridding myself the rest of the way of my jeans, I pulled off her sweats and underwear at the same time, and parted her legs as I laid my body on top of hers. “I fucking love it when you beg.”

A slow, coy smile spread across her face. “I know.”

Shaking my head, I couldn’t help but smile before I crushed my mouth to hers, teasing her tongue with mine as I slid inside her. I swallowed her whimper, and pushed in deeper when her fingers dug into my back. I wanted to claim her; I wanted to have to quiet her screams. But the second my lips moved down her neck, and she whispered my name . . . everything changed. My movements slowed, and the air between us went from urgent and needy to something so much more.

Raising up on one elbow, I gently fisted her hair in my hand, and stared into her eyes as I moved slowly inside her. Her breathing was rough, and when it began getting erratic, her eyes fluttered shut.

“Keep them open,” I said in a gentle command.

Her heavy lids opened as she tightened around me, seconds before she came with a hushed whimper and breathy exhale. I followed her with my own release, never once taking my eyes off her.

“I love you, Maci,” I said into her ear, and kissed her neck as I pulled out of her, rolling us to the side. Her smile was one I hadn’t seen before, and I pushed back the hair that had fallen into her face before cupping her cheek with my hand. “What?”

“It’s still surreal to hear you say that,” she admitted after a few seconds.

“You’re gonna have to get used to it, sweetheart. I’m going to be saying it for a long time.”

“I’m sure I will eventually.” She winked and curled into my arms. “You just promised me seventy years, didn’t you?”

“At least.”

Seventy years of this. Seventy years of Maci, and our kind of crazy. That sounded like heaven to me.