Needing Her

Chapter Four

Maci

“AMBER, IF YOU don’t let me get off the phone, then I’m never going to get ready. I love you, I’ll see you in an hour.”

“Ugh. Fine. Get ready, but we’re picking up this conversation later. I’m not letting Bryce ruin your chances of meeting someone else tonight.”

I eyed Bryce sitting on my couch and suppressed a sigh. “Whatever you say.”

“I’m serious!”

“Uh-­huh. I got it. Getting ready now. Bye.”

Running into my bathroom, I took the towel off my head and threw it onto the floor before hastily running my brush through my hair. I was so behind on getting ready, and Bryce was one of those guys who got annoyed if we were late. Since Connor had confirmed there wasn’t a chance in hell for anything between us, I really didn’t want to start off a night with Bryce already bitching. And despite Amber still insisting on finding me someone . . . anyone other than Bryce . . . I wasn’t willing to go through the process. I couldn’t see the point in it. Not when we had a perfectly good—­

“Son of a bitch! What the fuck?”

I shut off the blow dryer and threw it onto the bathroom countertop as I spit out what had gotten in my mouth when I’d been freaking out, and rubbed at my eyes so I could look in the mirror. My entire head was covered in white powder. I was going to shank the bastard.

“You okay?” Bryce’s voice filled my hallway seconds before he appeared behind me. “What the hell happened to you?”

“I swear to God I’m going to kill that motherfucker!” I screeched as I pushed past Bryce and stomped down my hallway.

And I mean stomped. I looked like a little kid getting ready to throw a fit over not getting any ice cream.

“Language, Maci, and where are you going?”

“Probably to jail.”

“What? Wait, stop walking!” Bryce grabbed my arm and turned me toward him. His eyes bouncing over my head and shoulders with confusion. “Who did this? What is all this, baby powder?”

I scratched at my head and neck and shook his hand off as I turned back to open my apartment door. “Probably.”

“I said stop!”

“I just need to kill him, Bryce. I’ll be back in five seconds!”

“Maci!”

I flung open Connor’s door and stormed over to where he was standing in the kitchen. Arms crossed over his chest, smirk on that stupid pretty face.

“You should really lay off all the coke,” he said. “Or I can get you help, if you need it.”

“I will fucking murder you, you stupid piece of shit!”

“That’s the sweetest thing you’ve said to me all day.”

“Maci!” Bryce barked and I turned to look at him. “I said stop, and I mean now. Get back in your apartment, don’t make me say it again.”

My head jerked back. I’d never seen Bryce like this. Usually he was carefree, ready to have a good time . . . his only problem was his incessant need to be on time and to suck up to his incredibly rude parents. This was the first time I’d seen him look and act just like his dad. I couldn’t move or say anything; I just stood there staring at him with my mouth wide open.

“I think you need to leave.” Connor’s voice was no longer teasing. It was dark, terrifying—­and if I was being honest with myself—­kind of hot. I felt his body press up against my back, and had to force myself not to lean into him.

“Maci.” Bryce spoke as though Connor never had and wasn’t currently standing behind me. “Do you know how ridiculous you’re making yourself look right now? Let’s go.”

“I’ve never understood what you see in this tool,” Connor mumbled under his breath. Stepping around me, he walked up to Bryce.

Even though Connor was a few inches shorter, it wasn’t hard to see why Bryce backed up. Connor and his intensity. I wanted to smile.

“I can’t stop Maci from seeing you, because she’s an adult. But I can make you leave my apartment, and I strongly suggest you do it voluntarily, before I force you to.” He didn’t stop walking toward him, and he didn’t stop talking. “I don’t like you, never have. You don’t take care of Maci, and even after all this time with her, you don’t have the balls to step up and be the man she needs and deserves.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up. Who the hell is this, and what did he do with Connor Green? My eyes were probably bulging out of my head as I watched Bryce step toward the open doorway.

Bryce’s head shot up, his eyes piercing mine. “Maci, get over here. We’re leaving.”

“I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but if I ever hear you talking to Maci like she’s a child again, this is your only warning that I won’t even bother waiting for her brothers. I’ll make it so you’ll never want to look in her direction again, do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Mac—­”

“Leave.”

I watched in disbelief as Bryce backed out and Connor shut the door on him. I grew up with four older brothers. Brothers who wouldn’t let other guys get near me, but also didn’t cut me slack when it came to . . . well . . . anything. I’d always had to fight for everything, growing up. So I didn’t need Connor coming to my rescue, but, hell, that was the hottest thing I’d witnessed in a long time.

And now I was confused all over again. I thought I was Mini to him not even twenty-­four hours ago. I thought he’d been making it obnoxiously clear that I didn’t mean anything to him. He’s so damn confusing. And why the hell does this baby powder itch so freaking bad?

Connor turned and walked quickly back to me, but I’d just remembered why I’d come into his apartment in the first place. He opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, I punched him in the stomach as hard as my little muscles would allow.

“Fuck, Mace!” he wheezed.

“This shit burns, and it itches really bad! I keep scratching my head and skin like I have lice, or a rash or something, and it got in my mouth! Since when does baby powder itch like this?”

He laughed as he straightened up, his hand rubbing at his stomach. Pussy. “It’s not baby powder.”

I stopped mid-­scratch before starting up furiously again. “You have five seconds to tell me what I’m covered in.”

“Itching powder. Good to know it actually works.”

No words came out of my mouth as I stood there gaping at him. After floundering for something to say and coming up empty, I did a very girly and unattractive screech before stomping around him and back to my apartment. Bryce was pacing inside, and as soon as I entered, he leveled me with a glare and pointed in the direction of Connor’s place.

“Who the hell was that?”

“My neighbor. He’s one of my brothers’ best friends, so he’s kind of protective.”

“I don’t like you living next to someone like him, and I don’t appreciate you letting him order me around.”

I slammed my hand down on the counter after grabbing my phone to research how to de-­itchify myself, and turned to look at him. “Are you serious right now? I didn’t let him do anything. You were being a douche and he didn’t like that you were ordering me around. Neither did I. You know what? I don’t even know why you’re still here! You should go, Bryce. I’ll see you tomorrow or Sunday when you’re not being such an ass.”

“Maci, this is dumb. We’ve got to stop this game we’ve been playing. It’s stupid, and your neighbor kinda had a point, even though he didn’t seem to have all the facts. It’s not just me keeping us a secret, but I’m done with it. I’m almost twenty-­four, Maci. My parents expect me to be married by the time I’m twenty-­five.”

“Oh Jesus,” I whispered when he started walking toward me.

“I become a partner in Dad’s firm on my twenty-­fifth birthday, I can’t go into the firm single. You know this.”

No, I so did not know that.

He grabbed my hips and pulled me close, his eyes roaming over my whited-­out hair. “We’ll get your hair back to blond, and we’ll take this out,” he murmured, tapping the small hoop on my left nostril. “As for the tattoos . . . we’ll cover them when we make appearances.”

“Appearances? Wh—­”

“Babe, you know I think you’re hot . . . God you’re so sexy, but I need the tame-­looking Maci in public. You can be this when it’s just us. Okay? As soon as you look normal again, we’ll announce our engagement.”

I’d known Bryce had always thought we’d end up together. Just like I’d known he’d expected me to go back to the old me. I just hadn’t realized that when the conversation would finally happen, it would hurt so much. When we were with friends, he didn’t care who saw us together. But saying that if we were to continue with an actual relationship, I could only be me in private? That I needed to get back to “normal?” This was my normal.

My eyes welled up with tears and my throat tightened as the crashing realization hit me that not only was I not good enough Connor Green. I wasn’t even good enough for someone like Bryce anymore. It’d been my idea to keep us in the friends-­with-­benefits zone. But he’d still been the only guy to ever show any type of affection toward me. The only guy to show he cared about me as something other than a sister.

“Babe, don’t cry. It’s just, like this, you look like the mistress . . . not the wife. I need you to be my wife.”

A sob burst from my chest and I slapped my hand over my mouth as I tried to pull away from his arms.

“You and I both know it’s time. It’s time for us to move forward, and it’s time for you and me to grow up. We need to stop acting like we’re still in college, and we need to look ready for the world. No one is going to take you seriously when you look like this and dress the way you do. It was one thing in school, but now—­”

“Get. The fuck. Out.”

My eyes shot up past Bryce’s shoulder to see Connor standing there. His face was slowly turning red in anger.

“I swear to Christ I will break your neck if you say one more word to her.”

Bryce breathed heavily through his nose before turning his head to look over his shoulder. “Now you’re in an apartment that isn’t yours. It’s your turn to leave, we’re talking about something important.”

“Yeah, no, I heard. You can talk about it again another time when you’re not making her cry. And I’ll give you a clue if you haven’t caught on yet, she’s not crying because she’s happy.”

“You’re really starting to piss me off.”

“Go,” I choked out. “Please, go.”

One of Bryce’s arms left my waist to gesture toward the door. “You heard her.”

“You, Bryce.”

He turned back to me, his eyebrows pinched together. “What?”

“Go. Just . . . please. We’ll talk later.”

“Fine,” he huffed softly and released me. “I’ll call you tomorrow, babe. I know you have a lot to think about.”

I did. I had so much to think about, but not about what he was insinuating.

He left after a long glare directed in Connor’s direction, and once the door was shut, Connor looked at me like I’d betrayed him. He closed the distance between us and stood there watching me for a few moments before setting an Aveeno box down on the counter.

“It’s an oatmeal bath to help with the itching,” he answered my unspoken question, and looked at me sadly. Grabbing my left hand, he glanced at it for a brief second before dropping it and stepping away, his head shaking slowly back and forth. “I hope like hell you didn’t say ‘yes’ to him.”

I JOLTED AWAKE and grabbed at my phone, ringing loudly, and almost dropped it in the process of answering it.

“ ’lo?”

“Wake up, bitch! It’s the first of December, Christmas decorating day!”

I groaned and rolled over onto my back. “What time is it, Amber?”

“Who cares, and did you just groan? You don’t groan when there’s anything in your immediate future that has to do with Christmas. Get your ass out of bed. I’m coming to pick you up.”

After Connor had quickly left my apartment last night, leaving me stunned and sobbing; I’d texted Amber letting her know I wasn’t going out, and got in the tub with the Aveeno. I’d spent hours repeating everything Bryce had said, and poring over all that had happened between Connor and me in the previous forty-­eight hours. None of it made sense with Connor, and half of what he did left me wanting him more, and thinking that in some insane alternate universe, I could have a chance with him. The other half had me feeling like a child, and added to Bryce’s words . . . a joke.

When my tears had stopped, an embarrassing amount of time later, I’d called Bryce and more or less told him to screw himself. That I wouldn’t marry him, and I wouldn’t change for anyone, including him. Funny thing about that is, I couldn’t help but stare at myself in the mirror for an hour after, trying to convince myself that I was happy with who I was and that I didn’t want to go back to the old Maci.

Bryce had told me to sleep on it.

“Maci!” Amber sang my name, drawing it out.

“You are not a morning person, go back to sleep!”

“Too late, I’m already on my way.”

I started to groan again, but stopped myself. “Okay, I’m up. Pick up coffee and a muffin, and I’ll blast Christmas music while I get ready, that will get me in the mood.”

“Consider it done! See you in twenty-­ish.”

I hopped out of bed and ran over to my radio to turn on the Christmas station. Once it was on and the music was loud, I practically bounced around my apartment as I sang along with the songs and rushed to get ready. I checked the weather app on my phone and sighed. It was finally December, and it was still in the mid-­sixties. Stupid California weather.

Once I was dressed and ready, I grabbed the box of remaining oatmeal bath packets and walked over to Connor’s door. Just before my hand grabbed the door handle, I heard a feminine laugh followed by Connor’s, and froze. Letting the box slip from my fingers, I left it in front of his door and went back to my apartment, waiting for Amber to call me. There was no way he could stand up for me the way he did, and say the things he said all day yesterday . . . especially last night . . . and me not be affected by them. Or not be upset that he had another girl, or Sadie again, in his apartment.

“You ready to get decorations, and Christmas-­out our apartments?” Amber said with an excited look on her face as I got into her car.

Taking the pastry bag from her, I pulled a piece off the muffin and popped it in my mouth. “Mmm-­hmm!”

“This weather sucks though, huh? It needs to be gloomy or something at least. But, no, it’s bright and sunny, barely cold enough for a hoodie. Whatever.”

I smiled to myself. That is why Amber and I were friends. “Oh well, not too much longer and we’ll be in Mammoth.”

“So excited! I can’t wait to see the snow! Well, and stay with your brothers in a cozy cabin.”

I started choking on the muffin and grabbed for my coffee to help it go down. “Seriously, Amber, gross! I’m going to tell my mom you suddenly have the bubonic plague or something, and can’t come with us.”

“Now that’s just not nice.”

“Admit it, you only love me because of my brothers.”

She shrugged and made a face at me. “It’s true.”

I laughed and cautiously put another piece of the muffin in my mouth, speaking around it. “Bitch.”

“Your favorite bitch. And don’t be all lame just because you won’t make a move with the neighbor dude.”

I paused from grabbing my coffee, and laughed sadly. “Yeah, well, like I said . . . that won’t be happening.”

Pulling out my phone, I sent Connor a text and vowed to get it through my head that he was just my older brothers’ friend, and my neighbor. Nothing more. I also told myself that the girl in his apartment this morning wouldn’t bother me, nor would any other girl after her. Nothing was about to bring down my mood today.

Connor

I ARMY-­CRAWLED AFTER my nephew and scrambled away when he stopped, and obviously started making good use of his diaper.

“Ugh! Oh my God, that is—­” I gagged and brought my shirt up over my mouth and nose. “How do you deal with that?”

My sister laughed loudly and waited until my nephew started crawling again before going to pick him up. “When it’s your kid, it’s different. You do it because it needs to be done.”

“No, no! God, Amy! Wait until I’m out of the room before you start changing him. You trying to kill me or something?”

“Chill, jeez. I still have to get the diaper bag and get him ready.” She walked toward me with little Ben and I practically ran to the kitchen. “It is good to see you though, Connor.”

I raised an eyebrow at her, still keeping my shirt over the bottom half of my face. “I see you every Saturday morning unless I’m working.”

“I know, but ever since that girl who—­”

“Amy,” I said her name in warning.

“Ever since that girl who went back to Texas, you haven’t been the same. I don’t know what’s happened to you since you came over last week, but you’re a completely different person. You’re back to my little brother . . . well, almost.”

I shrugged, and let the hand that wasn’t holding my shirt go out before dropping back to my side. “I’m always me.”

“No, and you know what I’m talking about. Just because you think you hide it from me, doesn’t mean I don’t see it. There’s still something today, you’re not completely back yet, but it’s a huge difference.”

I nodded, not knowing what to say. I didn’t know what to think or say about there being that much of a difference when I’d thought I’d been hiding everything from her. She’d spent so much time protecting me from our bastard father when we were little that I’d been trying to protect her from any and everything ever since we’d been adopted from him. Including my own struggles. Amy had known about Cassidy, but she hadn’t known how hard it had been for me after—­or apparently she had.

And I didn’t know what to do about the fact that everything she was seeing had everything to do with the girl next door.

The girl I couldn’t feel this way about.

The girl whose god-­awful singing, as she blasted the Christmas music she loved so much, had Amy and me cracking up just half an hour ago.

The same girl who, just last night, might have gotten engaged to that fucking creep who did nothing but degrade her.

My phone went off in my pocket, pulling me out of the memories that were sure to piss me off all over again. Grabbing it, my eyes widened when I saw her name, and I hurried to open the text.

Maci Price: All things considered, it’s not your place to tell me who I should and shouldn’t be with . . . or to give an opinion on my life at all. Watch yourself, Detective. We wouldn’t want ­people thinking you’re jealous or give a shit.

I gripped my phone in my hand and started storming out of my apartment, grabbing my keys on the way.

“Where are you going?”

“I’ll be right back,” I answered, and avoided looking where she was changing Ben.

As soon as my door was open, I kicked the box of oatmeal bath packets sitting there out of my way and went next door. When Maci’s door didn’t immediately open, I unlocked it and let myself in to walk through the apartment as I called her name. Nothing. Pulling up her contact in my phone, I pressed on her name and ground my jaw when it went straight to voice mail.

“It’s Connor. We’re talking about this when you get home.”

I locked her door behind me and walked back into my apartment. Amy was standing there holding her son, a confused look on her face that slowly started changing.

“I’m sorry, I just had to—­”

“What is going on between you and Maci Price?”

My eyebrows shot up. “Nothing, she’s just driving me insane right now.”

She hitched Ben higher up on her hip and pursed her lips at me. Ah fuck. She was in mom mode. “I know you’re lying to me, and why do I have a feeling she has something to do with the difference I’m seeing in you?”

I sucked at lying to my sister. Especially when she went into mom mode. Throwing my hands out to the side, I let my keys fall to the floor before bringing my hands back to grip my hair. “She’s a Price, Amy. They would fu”—­I glanced at Ben and tried to filter myself—­“freaking murder me.”

Amy gasped and a massive smile crossed her face as she dropped to the couch. “How long has this been going on?”

“That’s just it,” I laughed humorlessly. “It hasn’t been. Nothing’s happened between us.”

“Connor.”

“I’m being honest. Nothing has happened, and nothing will. She’s my best friends’ sister, I can’t touch her.”

And apparently I’d done something to fuck up anything that could have happened between us . . . and I had no idea what exactly that was.

Maci

AFTER HOURS OF shopping, then decorating Amber’s apartment and my own, we were finally done. I had a smile on my face that only this time of year could put there, but there was still something missing. Christmas was my favorite holiday, and I loved decorating day more than anything, but I still hadn’t gotten Connor or his words out of my mind.

Amber flopped down next to me on the couch and admired our work. “We did good.”

“That we did.”

“Hey”—­she elbowed me—­“what’s going on? You’re usually bouncing off the walls and I can’t get you to stop playing Elf or singing Christmas music. You’re just kind of . . . blah today. Is it still what Bryce said?”

“Kind of.” I shrugged. Barely. I couldn’t forget his words if I tried. But it was Connor who was ruining my day, and I hated that I let him have that much power over me.

“Fuck him, Maci. He’s a douche, and I think he did you a favor by finally showing his true self. Now you can move on and find someone else.”

Was it sad that I couldn’t figure out if she was talking about Connor or Bryce, even though I knew she didn’t have a clue about Connor?

“I don’t want to find someone else . . . I just want to forget about him.” Forget the words he’d said. Forget that I’d let myself think he might feel something. Forget the other girls in his apartment. Forget it all.

“Then let’s do it! Let’s forget the bastard!” Amber shouted and jumped off the couch, jolting me from my thoughts. I hadn’t realized I’d said any of that out loud and was glad I hadn’t said Connor’s name.

“Should I be worried?” I asked when Amber held a hand out for me. I let her pull me up and push me toward my room.

“Hell no. You want to forget about the dick, that’s what we’re gonna do. So slut it up, get yourself looking hot, and let’s go shout from the rooftop that your vagina is finally free!”

I laughed and shook my head. “You’re disgusting, you know that?”

“You love my kind of disgusting though. Hurry up, I want to run home and change too.”

Turning around, I pointed at her. “I just want to go have fun, I don’t want to find another guy.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Let’s get a few shots in you and see if you feel the same.”

Note to self: Buy a chastity belt and wear it whenever going out with Amber.