Rogue

Chapter 18

Maxine was at her apartment at seven. The children were still asleep, and Zelda was still in her room. Maxine showered and dressed for the office. She had slept well on the plane, so she felt rested, although she had a lot to think about and digest after her trip. It was a beautiful June morning, so she walked to the office and got there just after eight. She had an hour before her first patient was due in, and she called Charles to let him know she was home safely. He answered on the second ring.

“Hi, it's me,” she said softly, hoping he had calmed down.

“And who would that be?” he asked, sounding gruff. She had called him three times from Morocco, and never reached him, so she had left messages on his answering machine at home. It was just as well. She didn't want to fight with him long distance. He hadn't answered in Vermont either, and there was no machine to leave a message. She was hoping that he had mellowed out in the four days since she left.

“That would be the future Mrs. West,” she teased. “At least I hope so.”

“How was it?” He sounded better, or so she thought. She'd know better when she saw him, and could read the expression in his eyes.

“Amazing, terrible, sad, heartbreaking. The way all those things are. The kids there are in terrible shape, but so are the adults.” She didn't tell him about Blake's plan to set up an orphanage, right off the bat. She thought that would be pushing it. She talked about the earthquake damage in more general terms. “As usual, the Red Cross is doing a great job.” And so was Blake, but she didn't say it. She wanted to be cautious with Charles and not get him riled up again.

“Are you exhausted?” he asked sympathetically. She would have to be. She'd been halfway around the world for three days, and he was sure living conditions had been miserable and the visit grueling while she was there. Although he was angry about why, and who had invited her, he was proud of her for going, although he had never said that to her.

“Not really. I slept on the plane.” He remembered then with a ripple of irritation that she had traveled on Blake's private jet.

“Would you like to go out to dinner tonight, or are you too jetlagged?”

“I'd love it,” she said quickly. It was clearly a peace offering from him, and she was looking forward to seeing him.

“Our old standby?” He meant La Grenouille, of course.

“How about Café Boulud? It's not as formal, and it's closer to home.” She knew she might be tired later on, after a day in the office on the heels of the long trip. And she wanted to see her kids.

“I'll pick you up at eight,” he said quickly, and then, “I missed you, Max. I'm glad you're home. I was worried about you.” He had thought about her all weekend in Vermont.

“I was fine.”

And then with a sigh, “How was Blake?”

“He's trying very hard to make a difference, and it's not easy. It never is in those situations. I'm glad I went.”

“We'll talk about it tonight,” he said brusquely. They hung up, and she glanced at the messages on her desk before her first patient showed up. It looked like nothing dramatic had happened over the weekend. Thelma had faxed her a brief report. None of Maxine's patients had had problems, or had to be admitted over the weekend. She was pleased. She worried about them too.

The rest of the day went smoothly, and she managed to be home by six o'clock so she could see the children after work. Zelda had gone to an appointment, and when she came back, she was wearing high heels and a suit, which was rare.

“Where have you been?” Maxine asked, smiling at her. “You look like you had a hot date.” That hadn't happened to Zelda in years.

“I had to see a lawyer about something. No big deal.”

“Everything okay?” Maxine looked momentarily worried, but Zelda said it was fine.

Maxine told her children about the work their father was doing in Morocco, and they were extremely proud of him. She said she was too. She told them everything except about the orphanage. She had promised him that she would let him tell them about it, and she kept her word.

She even managed to be dressed on time when Charles showed up just before eight o'clock. He said hello to the children, who muttered greetings and disappeared into their rooms. They were a lot less friendly now that they knew about the wedding plans. He had become the enemy overnight.

Maxine ignored them, and they walked to the restaurant on East 76th Street. It was a warm balmy night, and she was wearing a blue linen dress and silver sandals, a far cry from her army surplus gear and combat boots that she had been in twenty-four hours before, in a different world with Blake. He had called her to thank her again that afternoon. He said he had already made some contacts to further his plans. He was embarking on it with the same determination, energy, and focus that had won him his success over the years.

They were halfway through dinner when Maxine told Charles about the rehearsal dinner Blake was giving for them the night before the wedding. Charles stopped and stared at her with his fork halfway to his mouth.

“What did you just say?” He had begun to relax and warm up to her again, when she hit him with that.

“I said that he wants to give the rehearsal dinner for us, the night before the wedding.”

“I guess my parents would be doing that if they were alive,” Charles said regretfully, as he set his fork down and sat back in his chair. “Do you want me to do it?” He looked a little startled by the whole idea.

“No,” Maxine said, smiling at him. “I think for a second wedding, it's pretty much up for grabs. Blake is like family anyway. The kids will be thrilled to have him do it.”

“Well, I'm not,” Charles said bluntly, pushing away his meal. “Are we ever going to get rid of that guy, or is he just going to tag along forever? You told me you had a decent relationship, but this is ridiculous. I feel like I'm marrying him too.”

“Well, you're not. But he is the children's father. Trust me, Charles, it's better like this.”

“For who?”

“Well, for my kids.” And for her too. She would have hated to have an ex-husband she never spoke to, or where they were constantly fighting over the kids.

Charles was glaring at her. She had never seen someone as jealous, and she couldn't help wondering if it was because of who Blake was and what he had achieved, or because she'd been married to him. It was hard to tell.

“And I suppose if I say no to the rehearsal dinner, your children will think I'm a prick.” The answer to that was yes, but she was afraid to say that to Charles. “This is a completely no-win situation for me.”

“No, it isn't. If you let him do it, the children will have a ball planning it with him, and he puts on a great party.” As she said it, Charles looked angrier by the minute. It had never occurred to Maxine that he would be that upset. Blake was her family, and she had hoped Charles would understand. “Maybe I should just invite my ex-wife too.”

“That would be fine with me,” Maxine said gently, as Charles signaled for the check. He was in no mood for dessert, and Maxine didn't care. The jet lag had finally caught up with her, and she didn't want to fight with Charles about Blake, or anything.

He walked her back to her building in silence, and left her outside. He said he'd see her the next day, hailed a cab, and left without another word to her. Things were definitely stressful between them, and she hoped the wedding plans didn't make things worse. They were meeting with the caterer in Southampton that weekend. Charles had already told her he thought both the tent and the wedding cake were too expensive, which was annoying since she was paying for all of it herself. Charles was a little tight about things like that. But Maxine wanted everything beautiful for their wedding.

As she rode up in the elevator, she thought about telling Blake not to do the rehearsal dinner, but she knew that he'd be so disappointed. And the kids would be upset too, if they got wind of it. She hoped that Charles would get used to the idea, and even relax about Blake in time. And if anyone could soften Charles up, it was Blake. He had an easy way with everyone, and no one had ever been able to resist his charm and sense of humor. If Charles could, it would be a first.

In spite of his anger at her the night before, the next morning Maxine had to ask Charles to come by that night, to go over the guest list and details about the wedding. The caterer had called for more information, and wanted to know several things before their meeting on Saturday. Charles grudgingly came over after dinner, still in a bad mood from the night before. He was mad about the rehearsal dinner, and he still hadn't completely swallowed her trip to Morocco. There was a little too much Blake Williams in his life these days, even at his wedding. It was a lot for Charles to digest.

Charles sat down at the kitchen table with the children as they were finishing dessert. Zelda had made apple pie with vanilla ice cream, and he willingly had a piece, and said it was very good.

And just as they were about to leave the table, Zellie cleared her throat. It was obvious that she was going to say something, but they had no idea what it was.

“I…uh… I'm sorry to do this right now. I know with the wedding coming up, and…” She looked apologetically at Maxine, who was suddenly convinced Zelda was going to quit. That was all she needed right now. With the wedding in August, and Charles moving in, she wanted as much stability and continuity as possible for them. This was no time for a major change, or for someone important to them to leave their lives. And Maxine had relied on her for years. Zelda was family now. Maxine looked up at her in panic. The children stared, having no idea what to expect. And Charles looked nonplussed as he finished his pie. Whatever Zelda had to say had nothing to do with him, or so he thought. Who Maxine employed or didn't was entirely up to her. It wasn't his problem, and she seemed fine to him, and a pretty good cook. But in his mind, like anyone else, she could always be replaced. That wasn't how Maxine and her children felt about it, by any means.

“I… I've been doing a lot of thinking…,” Zelda said, twisting a dish towel in her hands. “You guys are growing up,” she said, looking at the children, “and you're getting married,” looking at Maxine, “and I just feel like I need something more in my life too. I'm not getting any younger, and I don't think my life is going to change anymore.” She smiled lopsidedly. “I guess Prince Charming lost my address…so I've decided…I want a baby… and if that doesn't work for you guys, I understand, and I'll leave. But I've made up my mind.” For a long moment, they all stared at her, stunned. Maxine wondered for an instant if she had sneaked off to a sperm bank and gotten pregnant. It sounded like it to her.

“Are you pregnant?” Maxine asked in a choked voice. The children said nothing, nor did Charles.

“No. I wish I were,” Zelda answered with a rueful smile. “That would be great. I thought about it, but the last time you and I talked about it, Max, I told you I've been loving other people's kids all my life. I have no problem with that. So why have morning sickness and get fat? And this way I can keep working. I'll have to. Kids aren't cheap,” she said, and smiled at them. “I went to see a lawyer about adopting. I've seen him four times. A social worker came to do a home study here. I had the physical and I've been approved.” And through all of that, she hadn't said a word to Maxine.

“When are you thinking about doing this?” Maxine asked, holding her breath. She was not ready to have a baby in the house right now. Or maybe ever. This was a lot to swallow, with a new husband moving in too.

“It could take up to two years,” Zelda said, as Maxine breathed again, “if I hold out for a designer baby.”

“A designer baby?” Maxine asked, looking blank. She was still the only one doing the talking. The others were too stunned.

“White, blue-eyed, healthy, both parents Harvard grads who decided that a baby doesn't work with their lifestyle. No alcohol or drugs, upper middle class. That can take a long time. Generally, these days, those girls don't get pregnant in the first place, or they have abortions, or they keep their babies. Babies like that are pretty rare. Two years is optimistic, particularly for an unmarried middle-aged woman like me, working class. The designer babies go to people like you.” She glanced at Maxine and Charles, and Maxine could see Charles shudder and shake his head.

“No, thank you,” he said with a smile. “Not for me. Or us.” He smiled at Maxine. He really didn't care if Zelda was planning to adopt a baby in two years, whatever kind it was, designer or otherwise. It was definitely not his problem. He was relieved at that.

“So you think two years from now, Zellie?” Maxine asked hopefully. By then, Sam would be eight, Jack and Daphne in high school at fourteen and fifteen, and she could worry about it then.

“No. I don't think I even have a shot at a baby like that. I considered international adoption, and I looked into it, but there are too many unknowns, and it's too expensive for me. I can't go sit in Russia or China, for three months, waiting for them to give me some random three-year-old from an orphanage, who might have all kinds of damage that I only figure out later. They don't even let you pick your baby, they pick it for you, and most of them are three or four years old. I want a baby, a newborn if possible, that no one else has screwed up.”

“Except in the womb,” Maxine warned her. “You have to be very careful you know what you're getting, Zellie, and that there were no drugs or alcohol used during the pregnancy.” Zelda looked away for a minute.

“That's kind of my point,” Zelda said, looking back at her again. “My best shot is a somewhat high-risk baby. Not a special-needs one like spina bifida or Down's or anything. I don't think I could handle that. But a relatively normal kid from a girl who might have done some drugs or had a few beers while she was pregnant.” She didn't look frightened at the prospect, but her employer did. Very.

“I think that's a big mistake,” Maxine said firmly. “You have no idea what kind of problems you'd be getting into, particularly with a mother who did drugs. I see the results of that in my office all the time, and a lot of the kids I see were adopted and had drug-addicted biological parents. Those things are genetic, and the effects can be pretty scary later on.”

“I'm willing to take that on,” Zelda said, looking her in the eye. “In fact,” she took a deep breath, “I just did.”

“What do you mean?” Maxine frowned at her as Zelda went on, and now Charles was paying attention too, and so were the kids. You could hear a pin drop in the kitchen as Zelda spoke.

“There's a baby coming up, the mother is fifteen and was homeless for part of her pregnancy. She did drugs in the first trimester, but she's clean now. The father is in jail for dealing drugs and grand theft auto. He's nineteen and he's not interested in the baby or the girl, so he's willing to sign off. He already did, and that's a big deal too. Her parents won't let her keep the baby, they have no money, and she's a sweet kid. I met her yesterday.” Maxine realized that explained the suit and high heels Zelda had been wearing the day before. “She's willing to give me her baby. All she wants are photographs once a year. She doesn't want to see it, which is great, so she's not going to pester me, or upset the baby. Three couples have already passed on this, so if I want him, he's mine. It's a boy,” she said with tears rolling down her cheeks, and a smile that broke Maxine's heart. She couldn't even imagine wanting a baby that much, to take so much risk, and take someone's child who might be damaged for life. She got up and put her arms around Zellie and hugged her.

“Oh, Zellie…I think that's a beautiful thing to want to do. But you can't take on a baby like that. You have no idea what you're getting into. You just can't do that.”

“I can and I am,” she said stubbornly, and Maxine could see she meant it.

“When?” Charles asked. He had gotten the gist, and it sounded disastrous to him.

Zellie took a breath. “The baby is due this weekend.”

“Are you kidding?” Maxine nearly shrieked, and the kids looked stunned too. “Now? Like in a few days? What are you going to do?”

“I'm going to love him for the rest of his life. I'm naming him James. Jimmy.” Maxine suddenly felt sick. This couldn't be happening to them. But it was. “I don't expect you to back me in this. And I hate to do this on such short notice. I thought it would take me a lot longer, like a year or two. But they called me about this baby yesterday, and I said yes today. So I had to tell you.”

“They told you about this baby yesterday because no one else wants it,” Charles said coldly. “This is a very foolish thing to do.”

“I think it's meant to be,” Zellie said wistfully, and Maxine wanted to cry. It sounded like a huge mistake to her, but who was she to decide other people's lives? She wouldn't have done it, but she had three healthy kids, and who knew what she would do in Zellie's position? It was a very loving thing to do, even if a little crazy, and very high risk. She was brave to do it. “If you want me to leave now, I will,” Zelda said quietly. “I can't do anything else. I can't force you to let me have the baby here. If you let me, and want me to stay, I will, and we can see how it works for all of us. But if you want me to go, I'll make other arrangements and leave in the next few days. I'll have to figure out a place to live pretty quick, since the baby could be born over the weekend.”

“Oh my God,” Charles said, and got up from the table, looking pointedly at Maxine.

“Zellie,” Maxine said quietly, “we'll work it out.” As she said it, all three of her children cheered in unison and jumped up to hug Zellie.

“We're having a baby!” Sam shouted, delighted. “It's a boy!” He wrapped his arms around Zelda's waist, and she started to cry.

“Thank you,” she whispered to Maxine.

“Let's see how it goes,” Maxine said weakly. She had had her children's answer instantly, but she had Charles to deal with too. “All we can do is try, and hope it works out. If it doesn't, we'll talk about it. How much mess can a baby make?” As she said it, Zelda wrapped her arms around Maxine's neck and hugged her so tightly Maxine could hardly breathe.

“Thank you, thank you,” she said through her tears. “This is all I've ever wanted. A baby of my own,” Zelda said, crying.

“You're sure?” Maxine said seriously. “You can still hold out for a baby that's not high risk.”

“I don't want to wait,” she said staunchly. “I want him.”

“That could be a mistake.”

“It won't be.” She had made her mind up, and Maxine saw that there was nothing she could do to dissuade her. “I have to go and get a crib tomorrow and some stuff.” Maxine had given Sam's crib away years before or she would have offered theirs. It was a stunning thought realizing that they could have a baby in their midst in the next few days. And as Maxine looked around, she realized Charles had left them. She found him in the living room, fuming, and when he looked at Maxine, there was murder in his eyes.

“Are you insane?” he spat at her. “Are you crazy? You're going to take a crack baby into our home? Because you know that's what it is. No one in their right mind would want an infant with that profile, and the poor woman is so desperate, she'll take anything. And now it's going to be living with you!… and with me!” he added. “How dare you make a decision like that without asking me first?” He was shaking with rage, and Maxine didn't completely blame him. She wasn't thrilled either, but they loved Zellie. Charles didn't. He barely knew her. And he had no concept of how much she meant to them. To him, she was just a nanny. She was family to Max and the children.

“I'm sorry I didn't ask you, Charles. I swear, it just slipped out. I was so moved by what she said, and I felt so sorry for her. I just can't ask her to leave so quickly, after twelve years, and my kids would be distraught. So would I.”

“Then she should have told you what she was doing. This is outrageous! You should fire her,” he said coldly.

“We love her,” Maxine said gently. “My children have grown up with her. And she loves them too. If it doesn't work out, we can always let her go. But with all these changes for my kids, our getting married, them getting used to you, Charles, I don't want her to go.” There were tears in Maxine's eyes. And Charles's were glacial and rock hard.

“And what am I supposed to do now? Live with a crack baby? Change diapers? This isn't fair.” It wasn't fair to her either. But she had to make the best of it for the kids. They needed Zellie too much to lose her now, crack baby or not.

“You probably won't even know it's here,” Maxine reassured him. “Zellie's room is in the back of the apartment. Most likely the baby will be in her room much of the time for the first few months.”

“And then what? He sleeps with us, like Sam?” It was the first time he had made a snide remark about her children, and she didn't like it, but he was upset. “There's a goddamn drama every day now with you, isn't there? One minute you're running off to Africa with him, the next he's giving our rehearsal dinner, and now you've invited the nanny to bring her adopted crack baby into the house. And you expect me to put up with that? I must be insane,” he said and then glared at her. “No, you are.” He pointed an angry finger at her, and slammed out the front door.

“Was that Charles?” Zelda asked her, looking anxious, when Maxine walked back into the kitchen with a grim look. Everyone had heard the front door slam. Maxine nodded in answer without further comment. “You don't have to do this, Max,” she said, looking apologetic. “I can go.”

“No, you can't,” Maxine said, putting an arm around her shoulders. “We love you. We're going to try and make this work. I just hope you get a good baby here, and a healthy one,” she said sincerely. “That's all that matters now. Charles will adjust. We all will. This is just a little new for him right now,” she said, and then started to laugh. What next?