Searching for Someday

ten

SLADE PUSHED A hand through his hair, straightened his tie, and guzzled a glass of water before his next client. He was exhausted, barely sleeping most nights, and his work schedule exploded with a rash of bad karma. It still amazed him how many wealthy couples never thought of a prenuptial, and how many more spent millions to try and break them.

He strode to the window and ignored his rumbling stomach. No lunch again. He liked the basic principles of helping others and loved the law. Fitting past cases together to complete a puzzle, the rich history of the American judicial system was something he was fiercely proud of—the cornerstone of equality and justice in rapidly declining institutions such as marriage.

But divorces were sometimes a real bitch.

Fog shrouded the skyline of Manhattan today, and the melting snow once blanketing everything in a sheen of white had turned dirty. Clumpy ice balls clogged the sidewalks and roads but didn’t slow the frantic pace of the city. He gazed at where the beloved Twin Towers had reigned, a sadness always tingeing his heart at how the city landscape drastically changed after 9/11. The new memorial downtown held hope, though, and soothed some of the emptiness and grief of New Yorkers.

Slade finished his water, threw the cup in the waste-basket, and grabbed his notes. His office was fully equipped with a cherrywood desk taking up half the room, bookcases lining the wall, and burgundy matching chairs to inspire clients to tell all. Photos of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and the signing of the Declaration of Independence covered the walls and reminded people of justice. The thick burgundy rug was soft under the feet, and the smell of wood, lemon polish, and coffee hung in the air.

If he got partnership, they’d move him to the penthouse, with floor-to-ceiling windows, a wet bar, and a private bathroom/changing area. Slade thought the extras were nice, but he didn’t want the promotion for the perks or even the money. He knew that as a full partner, he’d get to pick more of his own cases and take on a bit more pro bono work. He’d have the power needed to make more important decisions. The rest was all extra.

“Mr. Montgomery, your one o’clock has arrived.”

He crossed to the desk and hit the intercom. “Send him in, please.”

Slade took a deep breath for calm and to concentrate solely on his client. His schedule was overbooked, but when a friend from law school called to ask him for a favor, Slade never hesitated. Pete Troy came through the doors. Immediately, Slade pegged him as the beta in his relationship. He stooped over, and combed his thinning hair to the side in a desperate attempt to stave off baldness. Reed thin and dressed in jeans, a slightly soiled sweatshirt, and comfortable sneakers, he introduced himself and took a seat. His hands twitched on his lap, and his face was all angular lines, giving him a kind look, yet a bit off-center. His brown eyes filled with intimidation and a bit of fear.

“Mr. Montgomery, I’m a bit out of sorts. I’ve never met with a lawyer before, but my friend Trent recommended you and said you could help.”

“Call me Slade. Trent and I go way back to Harvard—he’s a good guy. He told me a few things about your case, but I’d like to get a few more details. Everything we talk about is confidential; I’m here to help you.”

Pete relaxed slightly. “My wife wants a divorce.”

Slade nodded, his gold pen poised on the paper. He always preferred writing his own notes longhand rather than on the computer; it gave the meeting more intimacy. “Can you give me the facts leading up to her request for a divorce?”

He wiped his palms down his jeans and nodded. “She’s a CEO of a major supply company, so she’s the one who brings in all the money. Her job is really stressful, she does a lot of traveling, and I decided to stay home with the kids.”

“How many children?”

“Three. My eight-year-old, five-year-old, and two-year-old. Two boys and finally the girl.”

“Nice. Have you stayed home since your first son was born?”

“No, we had a nanny for the first few years, but I noticed too many problems. He’d complain about her, and finally I installed one of those cameras. Caught her drugging him with cough syrup to keep him quiet. I told my wife one of us had to stay home and agreed it would be me. My job was much less income, and with the savings from daycare, we came out ahead of the game.”

Slade scribbled more notes. “Many families are making those hard decisions. So you remained home when your other two children were born?”

“Yes. My wife went back to work in four weeks because she was needed at the office. We’ve been drifting lately, I know we have, but I never realized how bad it was. She began staying later at the office, business trips on weekends. I felt like I was going crazy with no one for company but the kids, like my brain was getting fried. So I packed up the children and decided to surprise her in the Catskills. We rent a cabin there and she was staying to do some business in town.”

Slade knew where the story was going as millions had before Pete’s. He watched the man wipe his brow, his mouth curving down in a slight grimace. “I caught her with someone. Thank God, the children were still in the car.”

“What happened?”

Pete blinked, seeming to concentrate fiercely on the lines in his hands. “Nothing. She didn’t stop. She—she stayed with that man, and when she finished she came out and yelled at me. Told me to get the kids home and we’d talk about it on Sunday. You know the worst part? I listened to her. Just like I always do. I don’t know how I became this type of person—this complete shell of a man. My wife was screwing another guy and I quietly left to wait for her at home.”

Slade swallowed, his heart squeezing in pain for the man across his desk. He heard countless tales from women, but many fewer men admitted this type of pain. He carefully steered the topic back to the facts, knowing he wasn’t a true counselor for grief. “I can’t even imagine how painful that was. When she arrived Sunday, what did she say?”

Pete dragged in a breath. “She wanted a divorce. Told me to move out and that she’d hire a new nanny for the kids. Said I was useless, and she refused to have me taint the children with my unambitious and lazy demeanor.”

“Hmm, interesting. I guess taking care of three children properly is lazy, huh?”

“To my wife it is.” Bitterness leaked like acid through his words. “She’s missed every important event of my kids’ lives and now she wants them because they’re a possession to her. She doesn’t want her reputation ruined.”

“What was your response?”

“I told her never. I will never give up the kids and refused to leave the house, afraid I’d never get back in.”

“Excellent decision.”

“She screamed and yelled and threatened. You see, she has all the money. The accounts are all in her name. I never even thought of it—she pays the bills, gives me an allowance for the kids, and I never need anything else. Now, I don’t have a credit card, a job, or money. She closed the main account and moved all the money somewhere. I don’t know what to do, Slade. I can’t lose my kids.”

His simple plea burned raw in Slade’s gut. His fingers gripped the pen in a stranglehold. God, what people who supposedly loved each other do. And the kids were always the casualties in the ultimate battle of selfishness.

Slade knew there was no way he’d let Pete get bullied. He was the main caretaker and had done what countless mothers had done—put his children first. He’d pull out the big stuff for this case and not rest until he got him full custody. Fathers were still rarely given full custody, but this case could be a turning point. Worse scenario at this point—partial, but with the right tools and contacts, Slade knew he could win.

“Do you know who her lawyer is?”

“Bronte Edwards.”

Slade winced. “Super hard-ass, but I’ve battled her in court many times before. She goes quickly for the jugular, but this is solid. I’m going to petition immediately for you to stay in the house. I’ll need papers and proof on previous nannies, and anything you can get your hands on. I’ll need to contact your previous employer also.”

“Do we have a shot? I’m a father with no job. Is this even a possibility?”

Slade stared at the man, his stooped shoulders and tired face the symbols of broken relationships and lost hope. He carefully chose his words. “It’s not going to be easy. Most judges still favor the mother, and if she presents a tearful, broken image in court, it may crucify us. I need to warn you, though. It’s going to get nasty and hard. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, and you’ll need to dig deep and fight for those kids like you’ve never done before. If you commit, I promise to do everything in my power to get you custody. But there are no guarantees.”

Pete hesitated, hung his head. Slade waited, knowing this was key to the case. Too many of his clients couldn’t take the long-term emotional abuse and surrendered early. He didn’t blame them—many could not care less about what they left behind and just wanted a clean slate.

“My kids are my life,” he said simply. “I’m in.”

Slade worked with him for the next half hour and gave him a list of tasks, some to help focus, some to help in court.

Pete stuffed his shaking hands into his pockets. “Thank you, I feel much more confident. Umm, I’m so embarrassed, I know about your standard fee, but do you know how much this will take? I don’t—don’t have anything to give you right now.”

Slade shook his head. “If we win full custody and full alimony, my fee can be paid then. If not, this is pro bono.”

Pete frowned. “I don’t understand? You mean free? You don’t even know me—why would you do that?”

Slade grinned. “Because you’re a friend of Trent’s. Because you’re a man who’s fighting for his family. Because you’ve been wronged. And I take a few of these cases on throughout the year, so I don’t want you to feel guilty or like I’m doing it out of pity. I just want to make sure your kids are safe.”

Pete gave a jerky nod and turned his head quickly. “Thank you. Thank you.”

“I’ll be in touch.”

His client hurried out, leaving him in silence. The buzz of the phone and low murmuring from conversations drifted in the air. A heaviness tightened his chest and constricted his breath. This was going to be a long battle and a ton of money. He’d have to kick in some of his own or his boss would go ape shit. Still, he’d be damned if he let Pete hire an incompetent attorney who only cared about getting his fee. Those children needed him.

He groaned and rubbed his hands over his face. He craved his recliner, a cold beer, and his DVR. Instead, he had to go out on a date with Emma, a woman who might be perfect for him.

A woman who wasn’t Kate.

Still, he swore he’d try. If someone else could dig Kate Seymour out from under his skin, he’d be eternally grateful. Stalking her in bars and stealing kisses wasn’t his usual style. Of course, he’d never had to chase a woman this hard before either.

Slade glanced at his watch and went back to work.

TEN O’CLOCK.

Kate absently rubbed Robert’s head and tried to concentrate on Bridesmaids. She usually laughed her ass off, but the image of Slade on his date kept ruining her concentration. So stupid. She was so stupid.

She pushed away the remnants of her homemade hot fudge sundae and patted her overfull stomach. If only she could relax and go to sleep. Did she still have that joint from her mother? Did she dare light up and sink into criminal activity?

Or . . . she could take out the neon pink vibrator. Of course, the thing looked like it could choke a horse. What was her mother thinking? The image hurt her brain, so she refocused on the movie and tried not to think of drugs and sex.

Her phone vibrated.

Heart pounding, she studied the number. Her finger paused on the Answer button for a moment. Then she hit it.

“Why are you calling me?”

His husky laugh curled her toes and stroked between her legs. Damn, the man was dangerous even over the phone. “Thought you’d want me to check in. See how my date went.”

She swallowed and wondered why he had so much fun torturing her. Kate kept her voice cool and clipped. “Of course. I always encourage my clients to call and give us full feedback. Did you enjoy yourself?”

“I did. Wait till I tell you about this.”

“You didn’t sleep with her, did you? I gave you specific rules to follow, Slade, and I mean it.”

“No sex, I promise. But it was pretty damn close.”

She tried not to sway in the chair. “Oh. Well, I g-g-g-guess that’s a good sign.”

“Imagine this. Tender, fresh meat that melted in my mouth. Cooked medium rare, with just a slight seasoning of peppercorn for a bit of heat. The potatoes came with some crazy type of Gorgonzola cheese, which complemented the rib eye, and crisp asparagus in a lemon butter sauce. Do you believe it?”

Relief cut through her first, then pure aggravation. “Are you kidding me right now?”

“No, I swear. You have to check this place out, it’s close to Tribeca, but I never had the opportunity to eat there. It’s called Mums and they have the best steaks I’ve ever seen. It’s making a big name for itself.”

Her voice rose. “I don’t care about the food! How was Emma? Did you like her? Did you get along? Did she have a good time? Do you even know what she had for dinner?”

Silence fell over the line. “Of course I know what she had for dinner. Pity she didn’t try the meat, she’s sort of a vegetarian so they made her a platter of fresh vegetables. But even those were grilled and seasoned nicely. And she did share the wine. I went with a peppery, spicy Pinot Noir.”

Kate squeezed her eyes shut. “What is wrong with you? I’m working very hard to match you correctly, and I think you’re sabotaging the whole thing! How was the date without the food?”

“Geez, we went to dinner, I figured you’d want to know the details of the meal. Emma was great. Pretty, funny, we had a good conversation.”

“Finally. That’s a relief. When do you want to go out again?”

“Oh, I don’t want to see her again.”

She clenched the phone and dropped her voice to a whisper. “What?”

“You did a brilliant job, Kate. You’re definitely very good at matching people. I’m starting to realize you’re not as much of a con artist as you are misguided. Still, my sister can end up a casualty with all your good intentions, so I need to keep an eye on this whole process.”

“I’m honored I’ve been promoted to crazy rather than a criminal. Why don’t you want to see Emma again? Are you really closed off to finding your mate? I told you this process can’t work if you don’t—”

“I know, I know, I’m open. I tried, and I pictured us together, and on paper it was perfect. But she’s missing an unknown spark, something I can’t put my finger on.”

“Sexually?”

“Maybe. It’s an unknown quality a woman has. I either feel it or I don’t.”

The realization slammed through her. All of the perfect characteristics Slade had recited were for paper purposes. To find his correct match, she needed to look deeper. Maybe a woman with more of an edge, a bit more assertive, more of a challenge. Yes, as a lawyer, he craved a bit of mental banter, physical sensuality, and kick.

Elena.

She was a bit of a wild card, but definitely worth a shot. Elena would surprise him on all levels. The only danger was Elena didn’t like to play by the rules, and if she wanted him physically, she’d go after him. Kate teetered on her decision to send him to the arms of a woman who could claim him.

But that was her job.

“I know who I want you to date next.”

“You?”

She flinched at the silky, caramel tone that wrapped her in goo. “No, we’re not good for each other. Her name is Elena and I think you’ll be perfect. She’s different from the others. Are you willing to go out this week again? I can set it up quickly.”

“You still want to play this game?”

His meaning throbbed in her veins and mocked her as a big fat liar. No, she wanted to rip off his clothes, climb on top of him, and ride him to oblivion. She wanted to claim him for her own. Kate imagined him home, sprawled on his couch, shirtless, all that rough toasty skin bare to her view. Imagined him hard and throbbing beneath her stroking hands. Imagined his head buried between her thighs and bringing her to pleasure over and over again. She had to fight the attraction and find his match. It was the only true way to free them both and prove her business a success.

“Yes. It’s not a game to me, Slade.”

His voice hardened. “Got it. I’m free tomorrow night. Set it up.”

She opened her mouth to say something, but he clicked off the line.

Kate stared at her phone for a long while, wondering if this time she had finally pushed hard enough for him to go away. Robert whined, as if sensing her distress, and pushed his nose into her palm. She sank into the crocheted blanket, petting her dog and watching her movie and telling herself she was happy with her life.

KENNEDY POKED HER HEAD into the office. A huge grin flashed her gorgeous white teeth. “Guess what?”

Kate pushed the mounds of paperwork away from her, swiveled her chair around, and stretched her legs. “What?”

“Edward and Justine are getting married!”

Kate broke into delighted laughter. “I can’t believe it. Yes, I do, I knew they were the perfect match from date one. How did you find out?”

“They’re here in my office right now. Come and see them.”

Kate got to her feet and followed Kennedy into the office. The couple sat on the white couch together, holding hands. Kate remembered the first time Justine had come in, unsure, shy, and inexperienced with dating. She’d held a small mixer to get an idea of her type and immediately sensed a connection with Edward. All it took was a simple nudge in his direction, and after the first date they’d become inseparable.

Justine caught sight of her and squealed, jumping from the couch to give her a big hug. “I’m engaged!” Laughing, she shoved the pristine round diamond out in the universal gesture of a new fiancée. Edward grinned and stood. He towered over six feet, and Justine barely topped five two, but together they fit perfectly, her reddish curly hair tucked neatly into the crook of his shoulder, his arm naturally resting at the small of her back.

“I’m so happy for you guys. The ring is gorgeous! When’s the wedding?”

“Next May. And of course, the whole staff of Kinnections is invited. It wouldn’t have happened without you.”

Edward beamed. Kate’s heart clutched with emotion, and once again she realized this was the reason it was all worth it. Bringing people together to start their lives was a heady power. Satisfaction rushed in a powerful flood. She prepared herself for the sting but moved forward to hug them both together, waiting for the release of energy to escape that always proved she’d made the perfect match.

But she felt nothing.

Kate held on a bit longer, desperate to experience the heady rush, but there wasn’t even a rustle of recognition. Were they correctly matched? She stepped back, keeping her smile in place while her heart galloped like a mad pack of Thoroughbreds. Oh, God, what if she matched them wrong? She always confirmed the connection when her clients got engaged or married. Panic nipped at her nerves, but she kept calm and engaged in light chatter about the wedding and their future plans.

By the time they left, Kate was on the verge of a full panic attack. She dropped into the matching blindingly white chair by Kennedy’s desk, mashing her knuckle against her mouth. Ken came back and dropped into the leather chair beside her. A frown marred her brow. “Are you okay? Did you get too much of a shock this time? I told you not to touch the newly engaged couples, Kate. What if you get some crazy electrocution thing that fries your brain?”

Kate lifted her gaze. “I didn’t feel anything, Ken.”

Her friend stared at her, dumbfounded. “What do you mean? Oh, my God, are you telling me they’re not a match?”

Kate dropped her face into her hands and groaned. “I d-d-d-don’t know! I don’t know what’s going on. I lost the t-t-touch. Completely. I’m working blind, but I haven’t told anyone because I keep thinking it’ll come back. Now I’m terrified it’s gone forever.”

Her body shook. Funny, how many years had she prayed for the gift to go away? She craved normalcy and hated consistently knowing if two people were meant to be committed or not. It was too much pressure, so she decided to use her talent for good, to help bring people together rather than sit helplessly by and watch them either miss each other or marry the wrong partner.

Now, she got her wish. Emptiness pulsed in her gut, a lack of something inherent within her. What was she going to do?

“Don’t panic, sweetie. We’ll figure it out.” Kate lifted her head and watched Ken turn to the cabinet behind her, take out a shot glass, and a tiny bottle of amber liquid. “Here, drink this.” She pushed the shot across the desk.

Kate sputtered. “Are these the liquor bottles from hotel minibars?”

“Yeah, I have a collection. When I get bad news, sometimes I drink one to settle my nerves. It’s good for you.”

“God, first pot with my mother and now hard liquor with you on the job. My morals are slipping faster and faster.”

“Shut up and drink.” Kate obeyed. The sting of whiskey slid down her throat and she choked back a cough. Her eyes watered. Ken nodded with approval. “Better. Liquor is truth serum, kind of like PMS. It helps you not to lie to yourself anymore. Now, I want you to tell me everything. When did you lose it?”

“I can’t remember exactly. I kept noticing I wasn’t getting any reactions from being around couples. At first, I thought it was a temporary glitch, but I got nothing from Edward and Justine. I haven’t experienced even a tingle, no matter who I come in contact with. It’s gone.”

“Probably temporarily in hiding. Have you done anything different lately? Involved with someone I don’t know about?”

“No.”

Kennedy pursed her lips in thought. “What about Slade? He came into Mugs the other night for a few. Hung out with Jane, but then he disappeared. Funny, I didn’t see you after either. Unless . . .” Her eyes widened. “Holy shit, you’re screwing around with him, aren’t you?”

Kate wrapped her arms around her chest. “No. Not really. Oh, God, I don’t want to! I mean, I want to, but he’s completely wrong for me, and he’s a client. I just want him to go away, get out of my life. The only way I can accomplish it is if I set him up with the right woman.”

Ken narrowed her gaze. “What if you’re the right woman?”

“I’m not, I swear. He only wants to sleep together and wring it out of our systems so I can then match him properly. I’d never do a one-night stand.”

She ducked her head to avoid Ken’s knowing look. “Okay, I have a few things to say to you but I need Arilyn in here. Time for an intervention.” Ken pressed the intercom button on the phone. “Hey, can you come into my office for a sec? I’m with Kate.”

“You won’t get Arilyn to bully me,” Kate said. “She’s on my side.”

“Not this time, babe.”

Arilyn floated into the room, clad in a long silvery skirt, white T-shirt, and sandals. Her hip-length hair shimmered in red gold, and she took the third seat with her usual feminine grace. “What’s the problem?”

Kennedy slid over a shot glass to Arilyn filled to the top. “Kate lost the touch. She wants to have sex with Slade, but she’s too afraid. He wants her for one night in a thwarted attempt to get over their chemistry, and she just wants to match him with another woman, thinking the whole thing will go away.”

Arilyn processed the information. Reached out and tipped the glass back, swallowing the slide of whiskey in one perfect gulp. Set the glass back down without a hitch and faced her. “You have to sleep with him, Kate.”

Kate gasped. Her calm serenity billowed around the shocking words. “What? N-n-n-no! Sleeping with him will be disastrous. If I match him, I’ll get the touch back, I know it.”

Arilyn clucked with sympathy. “Darling, I think we misinterpreted your connection with Slade. At first, I thought you were meant to find his match. But if you lost your abilities and still feel a connection to Slade, the only way to get the touch back is to sleep with Slade. Giving your body over and taking a chance. You’re fighting your natural attraction, and that’s not a good thing. Especially if it’s only about fear.”

Her mouth opened and closed. She never imagined Arilyn would agree to help her lose her virginity, but her words brought a strange sense of clarity. Could that be the solution? Her body quaked with terror and something else. Something she hated to define, but it was more like . . . excitement.

Kennedy jumped in. “You’re blocked. Open yourself up to a sexual experience with Slade, and I bet your abilities will come rushing back.”

“What are you so afraid of?” Arilyn asked gently. “Slade? Losing your virginity? Or losing your control?”

Kate shuddered. “All of it.”

“Then it’s time to find out what will happen if you give up that control. Remember the yoga classes we take? Control is only an illusion to calm yourself into believing things will go a certain way. Give up the control, let life lead, and you will find a rich discovery.”

“And endless orgasms,” Kennedy piped up.

Kate smothered a laugh. “God, I can’t believe I’m seriously considering this. I set him up with another date tonight. Things with Hannah didn’t go well. He said she’s too perfect. Then he went out with Emma and said he was missing some spark he couldn’t name.”

“Hmm, interesting. Who’s the new date with?” Ken asked.

Kate winced. “Elena.”

Arilyn shook her head. “Oh, this is bad. She’s pretty assertive with men she finds a connection with. The complete opposite of Hannah and Emma. If you were looking to push him into bed with someone else, you found your girl.”

She swallowed past the lump in her throat. Elena was known to make men crazy with lust and lead them on a chase. In a way, she was perfect for igniting Slade’s love of the hunt. The idea of Elena touching him with her hungry gaze made her nauseous. But in a way, wasn’t she throwing him a test? If he buckled to Elena’s sexuality, he’d prove two things. Breaking the rule of sex before monogamous dating. And confirming he only sought the challenge of a chase.

If he failed, she’d prove he wasn’t the one.

If he passed, she may not have any other barriers to hide.

“You can still call him, you know,” Kennedy offered. “Tell him you want him. Bet he’d cancel the date with Elena.”

Kate dragged in a deep breath. “No, this needs to be played out. Maybe Elena and he will be better suited for each other. She calls to his primitive side, but she’s super smart. She’s also a career woman, and Slade enjoys battling wit to wit. Maybe I’ll have my answer tonight.”

Arilyn and Kennedy shared a look. “Or maybe you won’t have anywhere else to run.”

The statement echoed her own thoughts.

As she thanked her friends and walked out of the room, Kate wondered if it was already too late.

SLADE CLOSED THE DOOR behind him. The silence of his home descended in a deafening air that mocked his decision to send Elena away. He turned and studied the empty rooms.

When he left his marriage behind him, he longed for peace. Stability. His failure in the institution mocked him, so he focused his energies on helping others who were betrayed and had no advocates. When he lost his parents, Jane became his sole responsibility. He tried to care for her but also failed to protect her from the heartbreak the world cruelly threw out.

The lesson was clear. Nothing lasted, and one needed to prepare for the eventual pain of a broken relationship. He figured letting Kinnections try to set him up with a companion who could fit seamlessly into his life and share his company took most of the messiness away. He didn’t believe it would actually work, but at least the goal was clear. Until one woman wrecked all of his expectations.

Kate.

She ignited all the hidden instincts long buried. When was the last time he dragged a woman into a corner with the purpose of kissing her senseless? Her constant insistence he belonged with another pissed him off and caused a hurt he didn’t want to examine. As soon as Elena climbed off her Harley, shook out her hair, and gave him a knowing grin, he’d known where the night headed. Sure, Kate warned him he needed to actually enjoy a woman’s company on a few dates before jumping into bed. But Elena was different. She exuded a sensual vibe that said they were two grown adults and could do what they wanted. On their terms.

She was also interested.

His body mildly reacted, but within a few minutes he’d remained cold. He was terrified no one would ever be able to match the electric chemistry he shared with the woman who didn’t want him. Slade wined and dined her, surprised at her engaging conversation and wicked sense of humor. Once again, he admitted that Kate got him right. He did need someone less than perfect, and the layers Elena offered intrigued him even more than Hannah. More than Emma.

But she wasn’t Kate.

When Elena refused to wait and kissed him, he’d kissed her back. Tried desperately to work up enough interest to take her to bed. It would be good for both of them and finally show Kate that he was done playing games.

Until he realized Elena was just a poor imitation of the only woman he wanted.

He pushed her away with regret. She studied his face, understood, and left in a roar on her badass Harley bike. Like a chump, he watched her leave and now stood alone in his magnificent home, with no wife, no dog, no lover, and an endless mocking silence.

No more.

The rage and frustration took root and flowered. He was done sitting around and waiting for something that wasn’t coming. He’d told her she needed to come to him, on her terms, but if he didn’t take what he wanted—what they both wanted—he’d continue on an endless path of dates that had no meaning and implode from frustration.

Slade grabbed his keys and went to claim her.

KATE ROLLED OVER FOR the hundredth time and shoved the sheets back. Sweat beaded her body, and her skin was oversensitive to any fabric, even the soft cotton of her T-shirt. Her core throbbed and wept for relief that no hot pink ginormous vibrator could ever satisfy. Images of Slade and Elena making love in his bed tortured her vision. She anticipated his call, detailing his meal and telling her to try again.

Tonight, the phone remained silent.

With a low curse, she sat up and ripped off her shirt, hating even the slight brush of contact against her swollen breasts. She was being punished and it was a doozy. She’d pushed him into the arms of another woman, afraid to claim him for herself, and now it was too late.

The clock digits shone in neon green. Midnight. Robert whimpered from his spot in his orthopedic bed. As if he was also disturbed by her inability to sleep, he shifted fitfully in a drive to get comfortable. Kate sighed and sat up. Maybe she’d put on a movie. Or fire up her iPad and read. Anything but keep thinking about Slade naked with someone other than her.

Loser.

She kicked off the covers and trudged topless into the living room. She grabbed a bottle of water, turned on the reading lamp, and heard the noise.

Kate froze. What the hell? Adrenaline rushed through her and she jumped for the phone to call 911 when the doorbell rang.

Tiptoeing to the door, she peered out the sidelights.

Slade stared back at her.

Kate jerked back with a gasp. What was she going to do?

“I saw you, Kate. Let me in. Now.”

She bit her lip and pondered. This was not a good idea. “It’s midnight,” she hissed through the door.

“I know what time it is. I’m freezing, open the frickin’ door.”

Crap, she was naked! She grabbed the afghan from the chair, wrapped it around her like a toga, and slid open the lock.

He walked in like he owned the place and her. His gaze took in her makeshift outfit, probing the loose holes of the blanket and uncovering the skin beneath. Her nipples hardened instantly. A dangerous air of masculine temper sparked the air, the surge of testosterone wrapping her in a spell that dragged her back to basic instincts desperate to escape years of civility. To mate. To give.

To surrender.

Kate shivered. “What are you doing here?”

“It was a test, wasn’t it?”

She didn’t pretend to misunderstand. The knowledge she’d run out of options squeezed her like an insect wrapped tight in the silky rope of a spider’s web. Kate lifted her chin.

“Yes.”

He growled and took a step forward.

One sharp bark jerked her head around. Robert paused in the doorway of the bedroom, watching the scene. He dragged his body down the hall at rapid speed, placing himself in front of her like he was a fully trained guard dog ready to take down an assailant. Love and pride surged for the unbreakable bond of his protection. Kate opened her mouth to calm him, but Slade had already moved.

With a humble grace that left her speechless, Slade knelt before Robert in supplication. He offered his hands slowly out in the universal gesture of surrender. “Thank you for taking care of her,” he said gently. “But I would never hurt her. I swear to you on all I hold dear in this lifetime, I will never hurt your mistress.”

She held her breath as he leaned forward until he was nose to nose with the pit bull. Moments passed. A look of shared understanding and something deeper passed between them. Slowly, Robert relaxed his rigid stance, bowed his head, and licked Slade’s palm softly. Then he dragged himself back into the bedroom.

The last of her defenses shattered. Kate stared at the man who had humbled himself before her dog, honoring Robert’s emotions as if he were human. Slade rose to his feet, stripped off his jacket, rolled up his shirtsleeves, and met her gaze head on.

Raw, hot sexual energy buzzed around them. Her mouth watered at the sight of his half-unbuttoned shirt, the long, tanned column of his neck, and the locked tension of his jaw. His gaze pinned her without mercy, letting her know this was her last chance to run.

“So, you admit you put me to a test.” His words came out lazy, as if he had all the time in the world, but his body tensed like a predator ready to pounce if provoked. “Did you want me to sleep with Elena? Let you off the proverbial hook?”

“No.” She pressed the blanket tighter to her body. “Half of me wanted you to fall for her so I’d be free. I could hate you, remind myself you weren’t meant to be mine. But the thought of you touching her made me crazy.”

He lifted a brow. “A little honesty, Kate? Good. Since this seems like a good night for clichés, let’s put all our cards on the table. I wanted to sleep with her.” He ignored her wince and kept speaking, refusing to let her break the stare. “I was pissed off by your games and ready to end it. I kissed her.”

Hurt lanced deeply, but she struggled to keep her composure. How could she be betrayed when he only did what she wanted? “I understand,” she choked out.

His face tightened. “No, you don’t understand. That’s the problem. I kissed her, tried to work up a physical reaction, and got nothing. I want you. Only you. The real question is, why won’t you admit you want me just as much?”

The looming confrontation crashed over her and left her nowhere to run. Is this the type of woman she’d become? So scared of being hurt or dragged into a situation she couldn’t control, she quaked with fear? Shame made her lift her chin high in the air. He offered one night of pleasure. She tried to mock his offer by stripping it down to just sex, but they’d already shared much more. Secrets, intimacy, honesty. Isn’t that what she was running from? The knowledge that once he pushed deep inside her, he’d be buried in both her body and soul permanently?

Time to put on her big-girl panties and follow Frost’s less-traveled road. “I’m scared.”

He cocked his head. “About?”

She shifted her weight and forced herself to confront the truth. When was the last time a male stripped her bare? Dared to want more than a fleeting physical encounter that barely skimmed the surface, refusing to dive deep enough to feel anything real?

Never.

She waited for guarantees in a world with none. She hid behind her company and put everyone ahead of her, urging them to let go and allow love into their lives. Yet she kept herself isolated and alone, with only Robert for company, on a hypocritical throne above the rest of the world. Dear God, wasn’t it time to let go? Take a chance with no thought to an agenda or plan or list she could calmly check off?

Kate refused to cower beneath the blistering doubt in his gaze. “Because I’ve never felt this way before,” she whispered.

He paused a beat and let her wait in miserable silence. “Better. I swore you’d have to come to me, but I couldn’t wait. I passed your test and now you owe me. What are you going to do about it?”

Her throat closed up in pure nerves, and she clutched the blanket as if the soft yarn could save her. But there was only one thing that could save her at this point. Complete surrender.

The man before her would demand no less. Arilyn’s words drifted past in a gentle reminder.

The only way to true happiness is by letting go of control. The rest is just an illusion.

Kate squeezed her eyes shut and reached for courage.

Then let the blanket drop.

Cool air rushed over her flesh, pebbling her nipples. She opened her eyes and waited.

He drank her in with a hunger that stripped away all civility and left her raw and vulnerable. His gaze roved over every trembling inch, lingering on the thrust of her breasts, the drenched core of her sex hidden by a scrap of lace, the length of her bare legs. Kate fought the instinct to cover herself with her hands, knowing he’d never allow her to hide from him again. She straightened to full height, proud in her nakedness, daring him to take what she finally offered.

He didn’t move. Didn’t speak. The air in the room charged and jumped like a live fuse. “If I cross this room, there’s no more running away. I’m going to fuck you until there’s nothing left. I won’t be gentle. Think carefully, Kate. I’m not playing games with you anymore.”

She trembled from the dark threat, but her body begged him for more, to show her everything he had and not hold back. This was what she’d been waiting for—a man to want her with the passion that wasn’t quite civil or proper. His erection pushed against the fabric of his pants, his muscles locked and poised for his leap once she gave him the words.

Her voice shook. “I don’t want to run anymore. I don’t care about the future, or what’s right or wrong. I’m yours, Slade. Tonight, I belong to you.”

He ripped out a curse and crossed the room.

His mouth took hers in a hard, brutal kiss, his tongue pushing between her lips to set the tone of his dominance. She whimpered in sheer pleasure, opening and taking each thrust deep, drunk on his taste and his smell and the blistering heat of his skin.

Slade wasted no time on preliminaries. He reached down and lifted her, and she wrapped her legs tight around his hips as he walked toward the bedroom, his mouth never breaking contact. She floated in a crazed sea of sensation, her flesh quivering for more, and he placed her on the bed while his hands ripped the fragile silk from her body.

“I can’t slow down. I had plans to torture you until you begged for me, to make you come a thousand times before I even entered your body. But I need to be inside you. You drive me crazy, Kate. Spread your legs. Let me look at you.”

With a wanton openness she never experienced before, she spread her thighs wide. Her arousal leaked over her thighs, her pussy splayed open and bare for his hot gaze. Slade ripped off his shirt in record time, visually feasting on her throbbing clit as he unbuckled his pants, kicked off his shoes, and removed his briefs. “You’re so gorgeous. I’ve been dying to know your taste, baby. I want to lick you for hours and play with that delicious pussy. But I don’t know how much longer I can wait.”

Kate moaned at his dirty words, her nipples stabbing for the relief of his tongue and fingers. She writhed on the bed while he ripped open the condom wrapper, slipped it on himself, and climbed on the mattress.

Slade knelt between her legs and ran one finger down her drenched slit. She cried out as her swollen flesh begged for more. With a low growl, he dipped his head and dropped gentle, teasing kisses over her drenched core. The whisper softness of his lips, the hot lash of wet tongue, all swirled together and cranked the tension in her belly so tight she thought she’d shatter with one more touch. Her clit hardened and demanded relief, but he ignored it, sliding his tongue over the sides and pulsing his fingers in tiny increments into her channel. She wriggled for freedom, but he kept her held tight, stabbing his tongue around her pulsing clit. Then slipped two fingers deep inside.

She cried out in delicious agony. Breath strangled in her lungs so she was only able to emit tiny pants as those talented fingers rubbed and plunged in a rocking rhythm that drove her right to the edge.

Kate arched, ready to explode, but he gave a sexy laugh and removed his fingers. “Not yet, baby. Not until I’m deep inside you.” He lifted her ankles, placed them on his shoulders, and looked up her body.

Kate shook at the seething, sexual energy crackling between them, soaking into her skin until every pore and cell wept for him to take her. His massive erection poised at her entrance. She fisted her hands in the sheets and wondered if she’d splinter into a thousand pieces once he slid inside.

His eyes blazed. “Give me everything. I won’t settle for anything else.”

She sucked in her breath, suddenly terrified at her vulnerability. What was she doing? Giving her virginity over to a man who believed in nothing but the moment? He’d destroy her, take everything she had, and leave her with nothing. Panic reared. With a cry, she opened her mouth to stop him, but it was too late. He surged inside with one long slide and claimed her.

A sharp pain seized her. She grabbed for breath, dug her nails into his back, and tried to process the swirling sensations ripping her body and mind. Slowly, the burn faded into a sense of overfullness. Her body adjusted, squeezing his cock, her wet channel snugly accepting his length even as her brain fought the final battle. “N-n-no, don’t, I can’t, oh, God, it’s too much.”

His powerful muscles drove her deep into the mattress, and Kate pushed at his shoulders, half aware she didn’t know if she should push him away or pull him closer. His skin was hot and slightly damp. An instinct to surrender to everything he wanted shimmered through her, but she fought the claim, afraid he’d take every piece of her body and mind and soul. “Look at me, baby. Open your eyes.”

Kate half sobbed and obeyed. His warm palms cupped her face, and he held completely still, his cock pulsing deep inside until she didn’t know where she ended and he began. A rocket of sensations exploded inside, which her brain desperately tried to make sense of—stretched, achy, wet, hot. As if he realized her barriers, a low growl emanated from his chest.

“No, you will not hide from this. Let go, Kate. No more hiding.”

He rocked his hips in a delicious friction that slid over her clit and eased himself deeper. His mouth took hers, his tongue diving in with firm strokes, penetrating her in every way until she surrendered to his command.

The heat intensified, and now there was no pain, just a gorgeous growing pleasure that bloomed in her gut and spread out to every inch of her body. He increased the pace little by little, taking her higher, until she begged for more. She dug her nails into the mattress, lifted her hips, and let him ride her hard, fast, demanding every inch be opened and vulnerable to him.

Kate bit her lower lip as the tension twisted so tight it became excruciating. “Please, oh, please. Slade, I need—”

“That’s it, baby, all of it, more.” He groaned, rolling his hips and hitting a spot deep inside that shimmered with vibrations. Kate hovered on the brink of release, and he kept her there, drinking in every facial expression, not allowing her to conceal anything else.

His finger reached between them and slid over her clit. The orgasm took hold and shattered. Kate screamed as her channel milked him, and he rode out every last shudder, lengthening pleasure until convulsions racked her and wrung her dry. He gritted his teeth and groaned with satisfaction, letting himself go. His body tightened and he shuddered above her, the shock of pleasure too intense for any words. He slumped, tucked her neatly into his body and rolled so her head lay on his chest. Limp, sated, wrecked, Kate melted into him, closed her eyes, and rested.

“WOW.”

Slade grinned and looked down. Her pin-straight hair was tangled and had that tumbled-after-sex quality. Sweat glistened on her skin, and the delicious scent of female arousal drifted to his nostrils. Her lips were parted and slightly swollen. Her muscles melted into him as if she was a natural extension of his body, her ankle hooked over his thigh, her hip a gleaming expanse of curve and pale white flesh that contrasted with his own olive skin.

“That’s all you got?”

She blinked and stretched with a lazy grace that stiffened him to full staff. He was crazy to think one night with her would wring her out of his system. He’d never thought about the full danger of snagging a taste, then getting hooked. Slade pushed down the niggling worry that told him laying the trap to catch her had backfired. She’d trapped him just as well.

“Thought you’d be happy. I’m beyond words.”

He chuckled and smoothed back her tangled hair. “True. That’s probably a miracle.”

She lifted a hand to try and punch him, but it fell helplessly to her side. “I’ll make you pay later.”

“I’m sure you will.” He cupped her bare breast, playing with her nipple. The nub hardened instantly under his teasing thumb. “But not until I wreak my own revenge.”

She arched into his touch. Power rushed through him at her raw response. The inner caveman he always beat back roared to life and shattered his civilized veneer. God, how long had he fought this only to be overwhelmed the moment they touched? Still, he needed to keep it strictly to the bedroom. Already, Kate pushed buttons he never knew he had, making him long for the unthinkable.

More.

“If it contains any of the moves you did before, bring it.”

“Baby, I almost spilled my seed before I got inside of you. You’ve got a hell of a lot more coming.”

He squeezed her breasts, tightening on her nipple, and she gasped. He watched her carefully and caught the tiny thrust of her hips, the tripping of her pulse in her neck. Oh, yeah. His Kate liked to play a bit on the wild side. He couldn’t wait to explore every one of her limits and beyond.

Curiosity burned to know more. She hid so many layers behind her composed businesswoman persona. Each time she revealed more, his fascination intensified. Slade kept up the caress, lulling her into a state of relaxed arousal. “When I first met Robert, you said something that stayed with me. Just because someone was broken doesn’t mean they should be thrown away.”

“Yes.”

“You were talking about more than Robert, weren’t you?”

She took a few moments before answering. He stroked and tweaked her nipple to urge her on. “I stutter.”

The simple admission tore through the room like a misfired champagne cork. “What do you mean, baby? You had a stuttering problem?”

“I still do. When I get nervous or stressed, I lapse back. I’ve gotten it under control in my adulthood, but I had a hard time.”

He continued his gentle massage of her breasts. Remembered the few times she seemed to trip over her tongue. He’d assumed it was because she was overwhelmed by his pushiness to get her to confront their attraction. “Don’t schools do therapy for that?”

She didn’t speak for a while, as if wondering how much to tell him, but he kept his touch soothing. The connection of skin on skin guided her into a deeper state of intimacy, where sharing secrets in the dark blocked out the reality of the day-to-day world. “I started when I was eight. Usually children who stutter get help and outgrow it. At first, everyone thought I was just shy or nervous. I began to shut down more and more in order to stop it. I had all these thoughts and things I wanted to say, but when I opened my mouth, everything got tangled up. It was like a crazy cycle I couldn’t break. I had decided to ask for help when my dad got transferred to upstate New York for his job. I had to move, and meet new people, and it started all over.”

Slade frowned. “What about your parents? Didn’t they try to help?”

“They seemed to think I’d outgrow it, but the school finally convinced them to send me to a regular therapist. My mother believed I was fine the way I was, that I was nervous and trying too hard to express myself. She enrolled me in yoga classes and music, believing I needed to let go and accept who I was. Dad backed her and they’d just confirm they loved me exactly the way I was. That in their eyes, I was already perfect. You see, my mom lost two children before she was able to carry me to term. They called me their miracle baby.”

Slade analyzed her words. On the surface that type of love was hard to fight, the natural acceptance of parents who loved their child. The burn of perfection a mother’s gaze saw in the baby she’d always wanted. But what was the price for Kate? How would it feel to be so frustrated with speaking? To want her parents to say it was a problem and get her the help she needed, but too afraid to confess she failed them? “Was school hard?”

She stiffened beneath him. Raw pain slammed into his gut at the idea of her being hurt by others. Like his sister. How many times had he found Jane crying, broken, trying to make it in a world where cruelty was flaunted and sensitivity was demolished? She never fit in with the right crowd, so she was consistently punished. “Yeah. I got bullied, of course. Some teachers tried to help; others ignored it. I kept to myself, and since I transferred late in the game, I barely made friends. For years, I felt so isolated and stupid. Why couldn’t I speak normally like everyone else? Kids used to finish my sentences for me or imitate me. It got so bad I decided never to open my mouth, even to answer my teacher. My grades plummeted. But it taught me some hard lessons. Even things that are terrible finally end. If you lock down and fight through it, eventually the bad stuff is over.”

Pride surged. Damn, she was strong. How many people bitched and whined about their upbringing? Blaming others for bad choices and never looking inward? “I graduated and got into NYU. I met Arilyn and Kennedy in my first semester, and we bonded immediately. Manhattan was a big city, full of people who were too busy to care if I didn’t speak perfectly. I found a great therapist and finally learned techniques to control my speech.”

“But you finally got your happy ever after with Kinnections.”

“Yes. Our famous drunken idea became a reality because we fought hard for it. My therapist really helped with my growing confidence, and I realized just because my speech would never be perfect, it didn’t mean I couldn’t own my business and make it a huge success.”

“You amaze me.” She shook her head in denial, but he forced her chin up. “You’re an intelligent, capable, well-spoken woman, and I would’ve never known you had such a struggle.”

“We all did. Kennedy battled a weight problem and then struggled with anorexia. Arilyn was a real geek and a complete outcast. We made it. I didn’t tell you this for pity, Slade. I just wanted you to know . . . more.”

Her confession shattered him, along with her inner strength. All the ridiculous assumptions he made about her and her crew haunted him. The idea of such vibrant, passionate women battling peer pressure and inner demons reminded him he had forgotten an important lesson. One shouldn’t judge the surface before knowing the truth. Shame filled him. Isn’t that what others consistently did to his sister? Assumed she was an overemotional geek who spurned others because she thought she was better than everyone?

“Thank you for giving me that gift.”

“Slade?”

“Yes, baby?”

“Will you tell me something? Something you haven’t told anyone else?”

He jerked back and studied her face. Curiosity gleamed in her eyes, but there was more. A vulnerability and longing to connect, to share an intimacy beyond their lovemaking and transcend the physical. The sexual pull between them was so strong it shimmered around them in a visible aura, but Slade realized in that moment she wanted to hold something more from this encounter. Something to remember in the harsh light of morning that wouldn’t drift away in a wisp of smoke.

His heart lurched in his chest. From fear. From the bonds of confessing his own secrets to this woman who held more power than she knew. But he couldn’t deny her, not tonight.

“I met my ex-wife in high school. I was young, full of angst, and too many hormones. I was at the top of my class, driven to succeed, and she was the bad girl on campus. I had been accepted to Harvard, and she decided to go with me, so we eloped at graduation.” The image shimmered before his vision in all its taunting mockery, but he pushed on, determined to give her the story. “God, we were doomed from day one. I wanted to be a lawyer more than anything. She wanted to be my wife and thought marriage would be fun. Like high school. Needless to say, it wasn’t, and things turned into a mess.”

“Did she go to college, too? Want a career for herself?”

“Tracey wasn’t ambitious. She wanted to party, have fun, and be a lawyer’s wife. She craved excitement like a junkie, loved living on the edge.” A humorless laugh escaped his lips. “School took everything I had. I rarely saw her, and when I did we’d fight, and she’d threaten me with cheating. We held on until I graduated, interned at a firm, and finally scored a job. We moved to New York together, but by then, we barely had a marriage. I came home one day early and caught her with another guy. Sad part was, I didn’t even blame her. She was lonely, and I couldn’t give her what she wanted. We divorced and moved on.”

He fell silent. Kate rolled over and propped her chin in her hands. White-blond hair slid over one eye. Those lush lips pursed as if she were thinking and sorting over his story. “Do you still blame yourself?” she asked softly.

He almost jerked at the direct question but managed to hold her gaze. “Sometimes. I was selfish, and concentrated on my future rather than on us as a couple. I wasn’t suited for marriage.”

“You were young. Raw. Our first loves are the ones who define us, who teach us lessons and make us stronger. You’ve grown and know who you are. Look at the way you protect your sister and look out for her. You take care of the ones you love.”

The breath whooshed from his lungs. The simplicity of her words rocked his core, the understanding on her face without pity or judgment, just acceptance. Of him. A surge of heat took hold, stiffening his dick, and her eyes widened as she reacted immediately to the lust that pulsed in every pore and demanded he sate his hunger. There was only one way to express himself and dump the whirling emotions needing outlet.

“Slade—”

“I want you. Again.”

He gripped her arms and flipped her on her back, climbing on top to straddle her. The gorgeous bared curves of her body lured him to taste and touch every inch, until she wiggled and begged for mercy. With a growl, he lowered his head to rub his stubbled jaw against the softness of her breasts, his hands urging her thighs wide apart. She moaned and allowed him full access. Her nipples stood tight and hard, and he licked them, nibbling and teasing until her skin quivered and her breasts were swollen. “I love your breasts. One day, I intend on making you come just by licking them. I wonder how long it will take before you beg for mercy?”

She shuddered, and he laughed low in satisfaction. Using his thumbs to pull her engorged lips apart, he slid his fingers back and forth over her wet, pink folds. Teased her clit to a hard nub. Then delved into her channel. She sucked him in with pure greed, and her fists beat the mattress in agony, held on the verge of an orgasm without a way to get there. A violent rush of possessiveness claimed him, making him want to give this woman excruciating pleasure, to give her a memory she’d never forget, to demand her complete surrender of everything she was, good and bad, light and dark, inside and outside until there was nothing left he didn’t own.

He curled his fingers and dove deep, hitting the sweet spot as she screamed. “How bad do you want me?” he asked, loving her fierce reaction and the way she demanded her pleasure.

“I can’t take any more, please, let me come.”

“You can take more. Give me more.” He kept up the rotating thrusts, while he nibbled on the sensitive flesh of her belly, then back up to her breasts to suck hard on the strawberry tips. Her heels dug into the mattress, her panting breaths filling the room.

“I’ll do anything, Slade, anything, please.”

Her pretty begging made the skin on his cock pull and tighten. He wasn’t going to last long, the driving need to be inside of her fogged his mind and intentions to sexually tease and torture her. But he’d have his revenge. Now.

“Beg me again, Kate. But call me counselor.”

She gasped, but was too far gone to deny him. Her pussy clamped down and drenched his fingers, his teeth poised on the hard nub of her nipple, waiting for the final break.

“Counselor! Please make me come!”

The sweet words hit his ears the same time he drove three fingers hard into her tight, soaked channel.

She clenched and shattered around him. Her muscles gave up the fight and her whole body shuddered, while he kissed her deep, drunk on the taste of her honey, which was sweeter than cotton candy. She’d barely stopped convulsing when he ripped open the condom, covered himself, and drove home.

His.

The mantra echoed in his brain as his dick pounded her hard, taking her back up with raw, controlled motions. She fell into the second orgasm easily, with his name on her lips. He followed her over the edge and took a leap he’d been denying himself for years, giving himself up completely to this moment, the orgasm not only seizing his body but going much deeper, until there was nothing left of him.

Slade kissed her cheeks and smoothed back her hair. She was already falling into a half sleep, and he quickly disposed of the condom, joining her back in bed and holding her tight. He allowed himself to tumble into slumber with a final thought flickering through his mind.

What had she done to him?

Slade slept.