Searching for Someday

twelve

HE WAS A dickhead.

Slade stared at his computer and tried to make sense of the endless notes for his next client. Sunday was a complete blur, with moments of clarity where he fought the need to show up at Kate’s door and beg her forgiveness. He’d certainly won the Prick of the Year award. After trying to seduce her in every way possible, he finally got her in bed, spent hours in orgasmic ecstasy, and treated her like some freak because she was a virgin. He belonged in one of those bad eighties flicks and he wasn’t even in high school.

Shame beat through him. The truth taunted and kept him from calling her. One night with Kate Seymour would never be enough. He craved more, wanted to spend hours in her company, learn all her secrets, and go over every inch of her delectable body. He wanted to hang out with Robert and watch movies. He wanted to cook for her, bring her coffee, and read the paper in bed.

The images streamed in a long vision that scared the living hell out of him.

It was more than sex, but he couldn’t handle it. Knowing he was the one who finally claimed her virginity made him want to roar with satisfaction like the primate he fought not to be. Slade also realized it strengthened the bond between them like an invisible, unbreakable string. He’d always be her first, and in some way, special. Too bad he had jacked up that good memory for her.

Slade pushed away from the desk with a groan and wished for that minibar. Instead, he grabbed a chilled bottle of water and wondered what his next move would be. He doubted she’d want to match him with anyone else, and honestly, he had no desire to go out on any dates when he wanted only one woman. A woman he should stay away from since he couldn’t offer her what she wanted, needed, and deserved.

Even though it didn’t exist.

His original plan to debunk the company had fizzled. Yes, he’d keep an eye on Jane, but Kinnections wasn’t looking to do anything illegal or immoral. In fact, the women who ran it did so with pure hearts and an intention he admired. There was nothing left keeping them together.

Slade ignored the twinge of pain in his gut and reached for the phone. Enough. He’d call her, apologize for his rotten behavior, and formally withdraw his name from her list. He’d hoped for an engaging affair with a woman who enchanted him, but he had no right mucking around in her life. She was a woman who didn’t screw around—for God’s sake, she was almost thirty and still a virgin. And that meant the man she let in her life would be important.

Sweat pricked his skin at the idea of being counted on to provide a happy ending. God knows, his last client had proven the truth. The poor woman was left alone with two kids while her husband moved in with his latest fling, twenty years younger and blowing through the kids’ college fund faster than he could make it back.

Slade punched out the number.

“Kinnections, may I help you?”

He dragged in a breath. “Hi, Kennedy, it’s Slade Montgomery. Can I speak with Kate, please?”

An awkward pause. Crap, how much did she know? Did Kate tell her everything? “Kate’s not here. Can I take a message?”

“Is she in a meeting? It’s important, I really need to know.”

Another pause. “Actually, she’s at the vet now. Robert got sick. I doubt she’ll be back, but maybe you can try her on her cell tonight?”

He tried to calm his racing heart. “Do you know what’s wrong with him?”

“Some type of infection. Look, I’d give her some time and—”

“Which vet?”

“The Animal Menagerie Hospital. Umm, Slade, I don’t think you should—”

He hung up. Stuffed the folders in his briefcase, grabbed his suit jacket, and headed out. He stopped at his secretary’s desk to forward his calls, cancel some meetings, and whizzed past his boss’s office, ignoring his pleas to pause for a chat.

Slade knew that dog meant the world to Kate. He also figured she was there alone, handling things in her life like she always did, with a poised control and fierce independence that never allowed her to show weakness. She wouldn’t bother anyone else for support because she was the one who tried to take care of others.

Not today. Just once, he wanted to take care of her.

Slade refused to question his intentions as he got into his Jag and headed toward Verily.

“WILL HE BE OKAY?” Kate asked the question calmly, but her lower lip trembled. Something had been wrong with Robert, but she hated dragging him to the vet each time she suspected a problem. She’d learned to wait it out a bit, and many times it was a brief bladder problem or a minor skin infection she was able to cure by bathing him and slathering him with the special medicine the doctor had provided.

This morning, she’d had to express his bladder manually and knew he was in pain. Every time she went through the vet’s doors, she wondered if she’d come back out. She was warned early that paraplegic dogs sometimes had many health issues along the way, but she swore to do everything possible to avoid them.

“This infection definitely spread out of control,” Dr. Burke informed her. He stroked Robert’s head with the kind affection from years of treatment and friendship. “I’m going to put him on strong antibiotics and wait on the results from the lab. Lots of water, and add a splash of cranberry juice for some acid. Keep an eye on him and give him some extra bathing time.”

Relief loosened her chest. They’d gotten through some bad infections before, and usually Robert fought them off like a champ. His big brown eyes studied the doctor with serious intent, as if waiting for the final diagnosis.

Kate pressed a kiss to the top of his head, held up his chin, and looked him straight in the eye. “It’s just a bad bladder infection, baby,” she said. “Meds and baths. Not so bad. And more time with Mommy.”

One lick. And as if he understood, he flopped his head back down on the table, totally chill that he knew it wasn’t serious. Kate smiled and quickly analyzed the next two days. She’d stay home today, but tomorrow was the big expo in Manhattan. It had taken two years to get Kinnections into the lineup, so she had to go. Her mom could probably stay with Robert all day and then—

The door flung open. Slade walked in, his suit a bit rumpled, his gorgeous surfer hair mussed. “How is he?” he demanded, making his way across the small exam room and toward Robert.

Kate’s mouth fell open. “W-w-what are you doing here?”

Dr. Burke frowned. “Excuse me, this is a private room for owners only.”

“I’m a friend.” His presence pumped up the room and took over. Kate let out another squeak, but he ignored her, bending down to look Robert in the face. “How ya doing, buddy?” The dog’s tail thumped and his expression lit up. Shock billowed through Kate as Slade stroked him, glancing from her to the doctor with a worried light in his eyes. “Is he going to be okay?”

Dr. Burke cleared his throat. “Kate? Is this man a friend of yours?”

The question threw her off, but the word stumbled from her mouth without thought. “Yes.”

“Sorry, doc. Slade Montgomery. Nice to meet you.”

Slade shook his hand and Dr. Burke relaxed. “Likewise. As I was just telling Kate, Robert has a bladder infection. Antibiotics should work. He needs to be watched, bathed, drink lots of water. Manual expression of his bladder if he backs up. I’ll call when the lab results come in.”

“Good.”

“Kate, why don’t you wait outside and I’ll bring him out shortly.”

Slade rubbed Robert’s ear and followed her out. She eased into the waiting room where the Animal Planet network chirped merrily behind her on the small-screen TV and a golden Lab waited patiently with his owner.

She lowered her voice. “What’s going on? Why are you here?”

Was that a glimmer of regret that flashed on his face or just the light? “I called to speak with you, and Ken told me you were at the vet. I thought you’d need help. I was worried.”

The ridiculousness of the conversation hit her hard. He’d walked out the other morning after taking her virginity. And now he left work in the middle of the day to drive up to Verily because he was concerned about her dog? “Robert’s fine, I’ve been taking care of him for years alone and don’t need any help now.”

“Who’s been taking care of you, Kate?”

She stumbled back. Hurt sliced like a hundred paper cuts on her skin. No, she couldn’t do this now. Not with him. “I take care of myself,” she said stiffly. “You made it quite clear this is not a job you want anyway, so why are you here?”

“I don’t know why I’m here. I’m a mess. I wanted to walk away, do the right thing by not screwing up your life. But the thought of you alone here, with Robert in trouble, I don’t know.” He blew out a breath. “I just thought I should come.”

She stared up at him, shock keeping her immobile. The truth of his words slammed her full force. What kind of game was he playing? Yet, he seemed just as confused, as if he wasn’t used to letting his heart lead. As if she meant something more to him than he wanted. The bees’ nest of emotion was a dangerous thing to touch, let alone explore, and Kate hated getting stung. Before she had time to make sense out of his impromptu speech, Dr. Burke came out with Robert in his arms.

“Here’s our patient. I’ll call you as soon as the results get back. Let me know if there’s any trouble.”

“Thanks, doctor.”

She settled the bill and scooped up Robert, then headed toward her car. Slade stayed close behind, helping her with the door and settling him carefully in the back. “Are you taking the day off?” Slade asked.

Kate pushed her hair back and blinked in the sun. “Yeah, I’ll stay home today. Tomorrow I have a big expo in the city, so my mom can stay with him—oh, crap.”

“What?”

She leaned against the car and nibbled on her lip. “Mom’s at a sex conference.”

One golden brow shot up. “Sex what?”

“Never mind, you so don’t want me to go there. Shelly can only stop in for a few hours on a weekday. I better cancel the expo. Ken and Arilyn will have to cover.”

“I’ll do it.”

She cocked her head. “Do what?”

The determined look on his face gave her a glimpse of what jurors saw when he wanted something. A force of nature. “I’ll watch Robert. Since the expo is in Manhattan, you can drop him off at my home for the day and I’ll take care of him.”

Kate sputtered out a laugh. “What? Absolutely not. You’ve never taken care of a dog before. Besides, you work.”

“I can do my work at home. I’m perfectly capable of watching Robert and giving him whatever he needs.”

“No, I’ll stay home.”

“And miss out on this type of opportunity for Kinnections? Bad business if you ask me. As the owner, you need to be there.”

She glared. Unfortunately, he was right. Everyone worked, and she had no one to watch Robert. And missing out on the expo would set Kinnections back. She’d already made her contacts and they expected her to show. Kate shifted her weight and looked for any possible outs.

There wasn’t one.

Slade grinned. “Glad you see it my way. I’ll expect you around seven in the morning?”

She must be nuts. “Fine. If you think you can handle it, I appreciate you helping me out.”

His features softened. Slade reached out and ran a finger down the curve of her cheek, leaving a trail of fire. “Thanks for letting me,” he murmured.

He left her standing on the sidewalk, watching him walk away and wondering what she had just set back in motion.

THE NEXT MORNING, KATE walked into Slade’s apartment and tried to calm her nerves. Bringing Robert into Slade’s personal space screamed intimacy, which was the exact opposite of what they both decided they needed. Still, perhaps it was Slade’s way of apologizing for his awful behavior. Kind of like a peace offering before they officially called it splitsville. Even though they had no real relationship to split up, just one night.

Her thoughts hurt her head, so she concentrated on her nosiness and gathering information. The high ceilings and loftlike atmosphere pegged the trendy Tribeca area, but Slade kept it simple and masculine. The circular glass staircase was fresh and fun, and the edgy lines of furniture, glass tables, and strong blue walls bespoke a man who knew what he liked. The living room was a man cave made in heaven.

Her heels clicked on the bamboo floors as she paused in front of the huge leather recliner. She stroked the soft material and almost groaned in appreciation.

“You like?”

Slade cocked his hip, his jeans falling low on his hips and accenting his washboard stomach and long legs. Seemed he favored jeans now. The man was sheer perfection, but even hotter in his own environment. The plain black T-shirt was faded and soft, and his bare feet gave off an intimacy she really didn’t want to linger on.

“How could I not? I’m saving up for a new one. God, is that a remote?”

He laughed and handed it to her. “Yeah, full reclining position, seat warmer, and back massager.”

Kate shuddered. “I’d never leave the house.”

“You don’t need to with one of these chairs.” Green eyes lit with a lazy arousal, and she was dragged back to the night they spent together, feasting on each other until their bodies collapsed in exhaustion.

She took a step back. Wet her lips. “Maybe it’s good I don’t have one, then.”

“Maybe.”

They stared at each other. Energy crackled with a mad glee and tempted them closer. She broke the spell with deliberate precision, walking over to Robert and kneeling down. Kate pressed her forehead to his and spoke. “Slade will take care of you today. Be good, baby. Mommy will be home later.”

“I got him peanut butter and bacon treats. How many barks?”

Kate stood and smiled. “One for bacon, two for peanut butter. I brought cranberry juice in case you didn’t have any, just a splash in his water bowl. I’ll give him a bath when I take him home tonight.”

“No need, I’ve got a huge tub and you’ll be home late. I’ll get it done.”

She hesitated, then gave a jerky nod. “Okay. Thanks. I’ll call later.”

“You look nice.”

Her black suit was chic and fitted, and the new boots flashed a bright, shiny four-inch stacked heel. “Thanks.” Did her voice crack? God, she had to get out of here. “See ya.”

She hurried out of the house like her ass was on fire. When was the last time a man wanted to help her out, especially with her dog? He’d taken off work and seemed sincere. Yesterday, she’d picked up the phone to cancel, positive there was some type of ulterior motive to his madness. But she couldn’t come up with a thing. He’d already seduced her, so that was off the list. He was already keeping a close eye on Jane and seemed satisfied with her treatment. He could’ve easily apologized for his statements that morning and been done with her. Yet her heart told her there was something bigger in his actions.

She thought about him all day at the Javits Center. Amidst conversations with potential clients, Kate networked hard, made a solid impression on a variety of business associates who thought Kinnections was the next big thing, and laughed with Ken and Arilyn. By the time they’d finished dinner with another matchmaking agency looking to merge and grow client databases, Kate drove back to Tribeca, exhausted but triumphant. Her company was finally getting noticed, and the future looked bright. Even without her gift, she believed in the skills of the team and again counted herself lucky that she could make her dream job a reality that paid the bills. The only thing that would bring it to a higher level would be sharing her happiness with a man she loved.

Who was not Slade Montgomery.

Yes, he’d wriggled himself into the seams of her life, but after tonight, she’d pull way back. No reason to torture herself with a man who wasn’t meant to be with her. He may have had some second thoughts and tried to help her out, but continuing on this path would only hurt them both. Well, at least her.

She was buzzed into his apartment and tried not to limp as she crossed the threshold. Damn boots were a killer. Kate tried not to think of the long drive ahead and tempted herself with the image of her butt in the recliner, her sweats, and a good night’s sleep.

“Hey.” Her heart leaped at the wide grin on his face. The dragging of paws over the floors echoed and she opened her arms to welcome her companion. Face bright with expectation, Robert licked her and they snuggled for a few minutes. “He did great. I bathed him, then put the salve on his sores. He peed all day and drank lots of water. We had a good time, didn’t we, buddy?”

Robert cocked his head and gave a half nod of agreement.

“Why don’t you show Mommy what you got today? Robert, go get your bunny.”

The dog turned, disappeared briefly, and returned with a fluffy stuffed bunny clasped between his teeth. Kate gasped. “What do you have, baby?” She took the wet bunny from his mouth and studied it in astonishment. “He actually likes this?”

Slade frowned. “What’s the matter? He’s allowed toys, right?”

“No, that’s not the problem. I’ve tried to give him stuffed toys all the time and he hated them. Almost as if they were beneath him. He only enjoyed the occasional bone or ball.”

Denying her statement, Robert reached out, grabbed the toy, and began working the hidden squeaker. Chirpy sounds emitted from the bunny, and each time his ears pricked.

Slade laughed. “Guess he thinks it’s manly enough now. Maybe I had to give it to him so he knew it was all right. Probably didn’t want to embarrass his mom by acting like a puppy.”

Pleasure bloomed as she watched him play. When she finally broke her gaze, she smiled and looked up.

Fire.

Kate caught her breath as the connection caught and buzzed between them. Hunger gleamed in his green eyes, and he seemed to hold himself in a muscle lock, as if afraid to even move for fear of grabbing her. She fisted her hands and prayed for strength. Jumping into his arms and pulling off his clothes was a bad idea. She was tired, worn out, and emotionally vulnerable. If she stood strong, she’d get past this hurdle and leave him behind.

“Kate—”

“I better get going, it’s really late. Thanks for doing this for me, I really appreciate it.”

“Did you eat?”

“Yes, just came from dinner.”

“You look exhausted. Look, let me make you a cup of coffee before you go. It’ll perk you up a bit for the drive. Sit down.”

“I don’t think—”

“Please.”

Her feet throbbed and her eyes itched. Coffee would probably be good. A few more minutes wouldn’t hurt. She nodded. “Thanks.”

He disappeared into the kitchen. “Why don’t you try out the recliner?” he called out. “The remote’s on the table.”

A merry squeak of agreement cut through the air.

She shook her head and eased onto the chair. The supple leather cradled her rear, and it was already warm. She cranked up the heat a digit more, reclined the seat back, and swallowed a moan. Best. Chair. Ever. With her feet up, the blood flowed back into her toes. “This thing should be illegal.” His laugh echoed. The scent of freshly ground beans drifted from the kitchen. “Is this where you make the magic happen for your clients?”

“Nah, that’s where I recover.”

“What made you decide to go into divorce law? Were your parents divorced?”

He materialized beside her with a mug. She went to get up, but he stopped her. “No, stay and relax.” She took the cup and sipped the strong, hearty brew. Heaven. “My parents died in a car crash, so no, I can’t claim a set of emotionally abusive parents. I just kept seeing the effects of what broken relationships did, even before marriage. Too many times one person gets screwed. I wanted to fight and be the voice for him. Or her.”

Fascinated, she probed his gaze. Behind that charming, seductive exterior beat the heart of a complicated man. She’d gotten glimpses of it the night they spent together, but Kate bet there was a world more to discover. A pang hit her when she realized she wouldn’t be the woman to complete the treasure hunt. “I’m sorry about your parents,” she said softly. “My dad died a few years back and there’s still a hole inside. Jane is lucky to have you looking out for her.”

“She’s not letting me do much anymore. But I still feel responsible.”

“Why?” she asked curiously. “What happened that has you so afraid Jane will get hurt?”

He shifted his feet and she prepared herself for the expert dodge of her question. Instead, he dragged in a breath and answered. “Jane was very emotionally sensitive. She was bullied in school and had some bad relationships with men who used her. After our parents died, I tried to look out for her. She got involved with this guy who was a musician. I knew it was a disaster from the beginning, but she refused to listen. He ended up taking all her savings and leaving town.”

“What happened?” she asked.

“I came home one night, walked in the bathroom, and found her lying on the floor. She had overdosed on pills and was unconscious. Got her to the hospital in time, they pumped her stomach, but it was a while before she mentally came back. That son of a bitch had broken her. She’d believed in him, and he’d broken her heart.”

She didn’t answer for a while. The air between them heightened with awareness, and Kate sensed he rarely told anyone about that part of his life. “Love is a funny thing,” Kate said softly. “If we don’t love ourselves first, the emotion can be redirected in harmful ways. I’ve seen Jane these past few weeks. She’s grown, she’s confident, and she’s ready for this journey. I don’t think she would’ve made it this far without you. Personally, I think the woman you give your heart to is lucky. She gets it for life.”

Emotion clogged her throat and she fought the urge to scurry out of his house like a rat escaping an exterminator. It was just too much. His green eyes darkened as if he sensed her need to run. “I’m sorry about that morning, Kate.” His simple apology blasted the room like cannon fire. “I was an asshole.”

She fought a half laugh. God, the man even knew how to apologize correctly. “Accepted. We were both a bit off-kilter.”

“I panicked.”

“Yeah, I seem to do that to men.”

He chuckled. “I’m kind of nuts about you. And the night we spent together was one of the best in my life.”

“And here comes the but.”

“But I don’t think I can give you what you need.”

The grief surprised her, but Kate had a new respect for this man willing to face the truth. “I know.”

He jerked back. “You do?”

She gave a sad smile. “I want marriage. Children. A man to say he loves me and means it with his whole heart. I want a guy to love Robert like his own and be willing to involve himself in the chaotic mess that’s life with no guarantees. I need someone with a lot of courage. Because that’s what it takes to even have a fighting chance with someone.”

He looked stung by her words, but Kate was tired of pretending. Better to clear the air now, accept their insane connection, but move onward logically. It was the only way.

“Ouch.”

“Sorry.”

He fell back on the other chair and pondered his cup. “Perhaps you’re right. Day after day of watching people pick up the broken pieces doesn’t give me much hope. I’ll pull out of Kinnections.”

“You’re not afraid we’ll take all of Jane’s money and match her with a con artist?”

Slade shook his head. “Nah, I still think you’re misguided by mistaken beliefs, but you’ll take care of Jane.”

She thought of him alone, in his beautiful apartment, working night and day to counsel heartbroken couples, reaffirming that there is no hope or happily ever after. No. He deserved more, dammit, even though she wasn’t meant to be his. “I think you should stay on as a client.”

He frowned. “Why?”

“Because I don’t only match couples who want the big ending, you know. There are plenty of women out there who hold the same belief as you do, and they’re wary of getting involved again. You said you wanted a companion. A friend. Maybe a family down the line. What if there’s a match for you with a woman with the same ideals? I’ll have Kennedy go back to the beginning and we’ll give it another shot.”

Slade studied her in the dim light. “I can’t keep up with you.”

“Good, don’t try. Just give us one more shot.”

“No more hot yoga or makeovers?”

Kate laughed. “No, you completed the process. We’ll just refit the puzzle pieces and see if we can match you with someone more your kind. Less . . .”

“Pollyanna?”

She scowled. “Expectant. Deal?”

He put his feet up on the matching ottoman and leaned back. “Can I skip the mixers?”

“Maybe. I’ll leave it in Ken’s hands.”

“Okay. I’ll try again.”

A comfortable silence settled between them. The connection still sizzled, but there was a deeper softness to it, almost as if by acknowledging the desire and accepting it, they were able to move forward. Kate sipped her brew, and the flicker of the movie on the massive screen pulled her attention.

“Oh, my God, one of my faves. The Hangover! The original!”

“Me, too. Turn it up.”

She pumped up the volume and watched the city of Vegas sprawled before her. “Classic.”

“Not as much as Office Space, though.”

She gasped. “You love that too? I watch it all the time. Have every line memorized.”

“Women hate that movie.”

She stuck out her tongue and pulled the fleece blanket over her weary legs. “Don’t be chauvinistic. I’m a comedy addict.”

“All-time champion?”

She crinkled her nose and thought hard. “Still Wedding Crashers. Vaughn was pure genius.”

“Agreed.”

The heat from the seat warmed and softened her muscles, and Kate relaxed into the leather, the coffee hot on her tongue, the blanket soft on her body. She didn’t remember when she lay the mug down and decided it was almost time to go. Didn’t remember much of the conversation back and forth as they discussed the best comedies of all time and argued their fine points. Her last thought before the room went fuzzy was how much she liked Slade Montgomery, and how sad it was he didn’t believe in love.

SLADE WATCHED HER SLEEP. Sometime during their feisty dialogue, he realized she was fading, but he didn’t want to push her out the door. Robert had already stopped squeaking and dozed in his special bed, a doggy grin on his face from the day’s events. He waited till her head lolled to the side and golden strands of hair slid over her cheek.

Warmth radiated inside his chest. Who would’ve thought she shared his wicked sense of humor, love of banter, and obsession with raunchy comedies? He wished she were a divorcée, jaded and looking for a life of companionship rather than magical emotions. They’d be perfect together.

He held back a wimpy sigh and got up. Cleaned the mugs, turned out the lights, and flicked off the TV. She grunted softly and adjusted. His hands itched to carry her into his bed, strip her naked, and thrust between her thighs. Her scent still haunted him, and Slade swore he’d never be able to go to a carnival again without remembering her heady sugary scent, like spun cotton candy in his mouth when he tasted her. Instead, he did the right thing. Tucked the blanket carefully around her legs, smoothed back her tumbled hair, and pressed a kiss to her forehead. She smiled in her sleep, and if he had a heart left to give, it would’ve broken right there.

Slade trudged into his room alone and left her asleep.

When he woke up in the morning, he headed out toward the living room, prepared to make her a killer breakfast, take care of Robert, and spend a little more time with her.

But she was gone.

The blanket was neatly folded and lay upon the table. Robert’s bowls were placed in the sink. His chest tightened with a strange feeling, and emptiness pulsed in his gut. She hadn’t even left a note. Just a vacant space that still smelled of her sweet scent, and a silence that cut through him with an agony he never experienced.