Second Chance for Romance

Chapter 24

The next morning I ran for an hour and a half, nearly twelve miles by the time I finished. I was thinking about Christy, of course, and what I wanted to tell her. I had a lot to say, evidently.

She was sitting at the kitchen table when I finally returned home. I held up a finger and drank straight from the faucet. I didn’t want to make myself sick, so I stopped long before I wanted to.

“Sorry,” I said at last. “I was parched. Need to get a water bottle or something if I do that again.” I plucked at my sweatshirt. “Is it hot in here? I think it is. D’you mind?” I pulled the sweatshirt over my head and fanned my T-shirt. “Guess I didn’t cool down enough outside. It’s warmer than when I left, too. And I think it’s hot in here. Gotta check the furnace. If I ever find that contractor, I’m gonna—”

She was grinning.

“What?”

“You’re chattering,” she said calmly.

“Oh my God! I really am turning into you.”

“They say couples become more like each other.”

“Are we a couple now? Or a not-couple?”

“I don’t know. We still have to talk.”

“Um… yeah,” I said. “About that. D’you mind if I shower first?”

She smiled and shook her head. “Do you want me to make you breakfast?”

“Yeah, that’d be nice. Thanks.”

“What do you want? I can’t really cook bacon and eggs.” She scrunched

up her nose. “Can’t bring myself to touch the bacon. Yuck!”

“That’s okay. Surprise me.” I glanced at my watch. “Fifteen minutes?”

She nodded.

I dashed upstairs, raced through my bathroom routine, and returned to the kitchen exactly fourteen and a half minutes later.

Christy grinned and checked her watch. “That was quick. You’re five minutes early.”

I checked my watch again, just to make sure.

“What? Did I do it again? I always get the hands mixed up.”

“Why don’t you just buy a digital watch?”

“Are you kidding? A big ugly plastic thing on my wrist? No, thank you.”

I had to admit, her slim gold watch matched her slim wrist. “Yeah, okay.

I see your point.”

“Thank you. Now, have a seat while I finish your breakfast.”

“Nah. I’ll help. What’re you fixing?”

“A gourmet meal fit for a king!” She looked chagrined. “Better known as cereal, toast, and melon. Sorry.”

I laughed. “Sounds perfect. What can I help with?”

“Will you do the melon? The big knife scares me.”

“Sure.”

She buttered the toast and poured the cereal while I cleaned and sliced the cantaloupe.

“Orange juice?”

“No thanks,” I said. “It makes the melon taste weird. Probably just milk.”

She delivered plates and bowls to the kitchen table.

I set a plate of melon slices in the middle and joined her.

“This is actually my second breakfast,” she said.

I chuckled. “You’d make a good hobbit.”

“What’s that?”

I blinked at her.

“What?”

“You’ve never read The Hobbit? The Lord of the Rings? You’re kidding, right?”

“Uh-uh. They’re books, I know, but that’s about it.”

“They’re only the greatest fantasy stories ever written!” I told her about them as we ate. She followed most of it and acted interested, but her eyes glazed over a couple of times. I finally stopped and laughed at myself.

“What? I was enjoying it. What happened with Frodo and the ring?”

“You want me to spoil it for you? Never mind. There’s no way you’ll read the books, is there?”

“Sorry, probably not.”

“That’s okay. Frodo and Sam make it to Mount Doom. Then Gollum attacks and bites Frodo’s finger off, along with the ring.”

Her eyes went wide.

“Gollum falls into the fires of Orodruin and the ring is destroyed. The End. There’s actually lots of other stuff that happens after that, but it doesn’t matter.”

“It sounds very interesting.”

“It is, but you probably couldn’t care less.”

“I care that you care,” she said. “That’s what makes it interesting to me.”

I was struck by something similar that Gina had said.

“What’s the matter?”

“Random thought,” I lied. “Then again, maybe not so random.” I brushed away some crumbs. Then I stacked the dirty dishes. I was stalling and knew it. “Okay,” I said at last, “here goes. The talk I promised you.”

“I’m ready.”

“Right. So, you remember Kendall?”

Her eyes tightened.

“Ah. Got it. Well, this is going to be about her.”

“Okay,” she said cautiously.

“And… during my run I thought about what I wanted to say. I went back and forth: PG version or the R-rated one?”

“Which did you decide?”

“At first, the PG. But just now I changed my mind. The R-rated version is why it’s important. In case you haven’t guessed, it’s about sex. But I’ll clean things up from the X-rated version. Something tells me you don’t want a blow-by-blow account.”

“I guess it depends. I grew up with older brothers. So I overheard all kinds of stories.”

“Probably not like this one. So let’s stick to the R-rated version. If you want to know more, ask. But be careful. I’ll tell you the truth. Some of it might get… let’s say ‘interesting’ and leave it at that.”

She nodded.

“Okay, so… Kendall.” I drew a deep breath and marshaled my thoughts.

“I have to start a bit before her, with Gina. She was my first serious girlfriend. We started having sex when we were sixteen. Then we met Kendall, and we were both interested in her.”

“Wait… both?”

“Mmm hmm. Gina likes girls too. So did Kendall.” I looked at Christy.

“Now you understand why I wasn’t shocked when I met you and Wren. I mean, I realize that most women aren’t bisexual, but I seem to attract the ones who are. Not surprisingly, I’m attracted to them too.”

“I’m not really like that,” she said. “You know… bisexual. I like guys.”

“Oh, you’re bisexual, all right. And that’s okay. Better than okay, in fact.

I don’t think I’d be interested if you weren’t.”

Her protests died in a hurry.

“Seriously,” I said. “Remember I told you that Gracie and I broke up because we weren’t compatible? Well, she was way too conventional. That’s only part of it—plenty of other things didn’t mesh with us—but it was a big part.”

Christy nodded.

“Back to the main story. Some of this you know, some will be new. But I’m gonna tell it from the beginning just in case.”

“Okay.”

“So… Kendall was lonely when Gina and I first met her. We both liked her, so we asked her to join our relationship. It was a lot more complicated and emotional than that, but that’s the gist of it. In retrospect, I think Gina went along because she thought she might lose me. I was thinking with my dick at the time. Big surprise. I loved both girls, but we were young, and none of us knew what we were getting into.”

“And you were all… um… having sex? When you were sixteen?”

“Yeah. It was… pretty wild.”

“You can say that again. No, don’t! I get it.”

I grinned. “Right. So, Gina and I went to high school together, but Kendall lived in Chattanooga. Gina and I were mostly normal boyfriend and girlfriend, but Kendall was always in the picture. I mean, she was my girlfriend too.” That was a gross oversimplification, but I wasn’t ready to go into my history as a swinger just yet. Baby steps, I told myself.

“Kendall was two years ahead of us in school,” I continued. “She came to UT first. Then I fell in love with the School of Architecture here and decided to come too. Gina came by default. She really wanted to go to UCLA, where

she is now, but she didn’t want to break up with me. Not at the time, at least.

I thought things would be great with all three of us together. Once again, that was more wishful thinking by the little head.

“Things didn’t work out like I’d hoped, obviously. Kendall was a lot more manipulative and deceitful than I’d realized.” I felt a flare of anger and took a deep breath to snuff it out. Once I had my emotions under control, I came clean about the other reasons. “I was a big part of the problem too. I was immature,” I said frankly. “Clueless, idealistic, self-centered, you name it.

“So… Gina and I broke up. The truth is, she dumped me. For lots of reasons, but mostly because I didn’t pay enough attention to her. Then she transferred to California. I thought it would be all right with just Kendall and me, and for a while it was. But then… I guess I started to see more of the real her, that she’d kept under wraps before.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think about it since then. I don’t think Kendall really changed all that much. I think I did. I took off the blinders and started seeing her flaws. You’re a lot like her, by the way.”

Christy’s eyebrows flew up. “Exactly how?”

“Not the flaws! Sorry. Your upbringing. She was very Baptist. Sunday school, church picnics, that sort of thing. And she had this ideal in her head of what a ‘good Christian girl’ should be. It didn’t match up with who she really was, so she felt guilty about it.”

“I’m not like that at all,” Christy protested.

I gave her a flat look. She replied by crossing her arms, so I arched an eyebrow with polite disbelief. When she set her jaw, I took a deep breath and settled back to wait.

“Okay, fine, Mr. Patient! Maybe I am like that. But what’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing. Not the church part, at least. I mean, I don’t really care if you’re Catholic, Protestant, or a Moonie. As long as it makes you happy. The problem is when who you think you should be clashes with who you are.”

She opened her mouth to object but then closed it again.

“Back to Kendall. Things were pretty normal between us, but she had some wild sexual fantasies. The details don’t really matter. I never had a problem with any of them. I mean, they were consensual and no one was hurt. To be honest, they were pretty exciting, even when they involved other guys.”

Christy’s eyebrows flew up at that.

“The problem was how she dealt with them. Her fantasies, I mean. Like I said, she had this mythical Baptist ideal, but her fantasies clashed with that.

So she never really started anything. She always needed me to do something so she could be a ‘bad girl,’ so to speak. And once I did, she didn’t seem to have any control over how far she went or what she did.

“That’s how I felt, at least,” I said. “I’m sure she did have control, but it seemed to me that she always took things too far. Because in her mind, I was the one responsible for her actions. She never was. If she were, she might’ve had to admit to herself that she wasn’t who she thought she was.”

I sounded bitter, even to myself, so I took another deep breath and brushed away imaginary crumbs.

“I’m simplifying things,” I said eventually, “and I don’t know any of this for a fact, but it all makes sense when I think about it now. Basically Kendall wanted to have her cake and eat it too, to be a ‘good girl’ in public but a ‘bad girl’ in the bedroom. And she always put the burden on me. I ‘made’ her do the bad-girl things. They were never something she did herself.

“That’s how I saw it, at least. Well, toward the end. At first I just enjoyed the wild sex. I mean, what guy wouldn’t, right? Kendall was every guy’s fantasy, the body of a Playmate and a total nympho in bed.”

“It’s a wonder you ever broke up with her,” Christy said derisively.

I shot her a piercing look. “Gee, you’d think I only care about looks and sex. Hey, she’s a woman, only good for two things, right? Just how shallow do you think I am?”

She cringed as my sarcasm hit home.

“Sure,” I continued in a calmer tone, “I’m attracted to a pretty face or a nice body, but they aren’t everything. I learned a long time ago that sex is important, but it’s only part of the equation. So yeah, I broke up with Kendall. I walked away from a nympho Playmate. And you know what? I don’t regret it a bit. Never have, never will.”

“Then what do you want?”

“These days I’m more attracted to talent, ambition, intelligence, or even a friendly personality. That’s why I’m attracted to you. All of it. Yeah, I think you’re pretty, and you have a nice body, but that’s just the superficial stuff.

What’s inside is what really matters in the long run.”

I paused and decided how much I wanted to reveal next.

“Look,” I said at last, “I’m in real danger with you. I’m falling for you

and it scares me. Not because of you, but because of me. I see a lot of similarities between you and Kendall. I’ve been down that road before, and it didn’t work out. You’re different in most ways, but I think you have a wild side too. Wren seems to think so, and she knows you better than I do.

“So I want to have a relationship with you—I think you do too—but I don’t want to end up in a situation where you feel guilty about anything we do together. That’s why I overreacted after the party, when you went to Mass.

I know you enjoy going to church. I know it makes you happy. But I also think you have this unrealistic model in your head about what a ‘good Catholic girl’ is. Maybe you can talk to Sara about it. She was raised Catholic, so she understands the pressure you’re under better than I do.

“And just so you know, I don’t want you to give up your faith. I guess I hope you can find a way to enjoy it and accept that no one wants you to be a madonna on a pedestal. I certainly don’t. I want someone real, with flaws and everything. And if one of your flaws is that you like wild sex or kinky fantasies, that’s okay too.”

She snorted. “I bet it is!”

“Seriously. I see something in your eyes. I feel it when we kiss. You’re holding back and hiding a lot. Maybe because it scares you. Maybe because you think it’ll scare me. It won’t. Trust me.” I paused to let my words sink in.

“But that’s why I wanna take things slow,” I went on. “I don’t wanna rush and have sex before you’re ready. I may end up with a permanent case of blue balls, and we may have some misunderstandings and hurt feelings along the way, but I think you’re worth it. No pain, no gain. Right?

“So… that’s what I wanted to talk about. I know it’s a lot, but it’s really important to me. I’m sorry you have to deal with my baggage from Kendall.

You aren’t like her in one important way. You’re more honest with yourself, so you’re willing to change. Your Dying Replicant sculpture really convinced me. You had a good idea, but you changed it when it wasn’t exactly what you wanted.” I fell silent for a moment and stared at my hands.

“I guess I’m hoping I’m what you really want,” I said at last. “I know I’ll have to change too, but I’m willing to give it a shot. I mean, that’s what relationships are all about, right? Compromise.”

“I…” She cleared her throat. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything, I guess. But think about it. Talk to Wren. And maybe talk to Sara. She likes you, and I think she’ll give you honest advice.

And… one more thing.”

“What?”

“If you decide I’m full of crap and don’t know what I’m talking about, or you just don’t want to deal with my issues, or whatever… let me down easy, before I get my heart broken. Okay?”

“Okay,” she said softly.

I nodded once and then stood. On impulse I bent to kiss her cheek. I thought she might rebuff me, but she turned toward me instead.

The kiss was tender and affectionate, and it surprised us both.

“I’ll… I’ll think about what you said,” she said.

“Okay. And I’ll lay off the flirting and seduction for a while. We can just be friends. No matter what else happens, I hope we never lose that.”

She nodded.

“I’m gonna go for a run. Again. I’m still tired from the first one, but I need to think. And I’ll probably kick myself for screwing up what might’ve been a really good relationship while it lasted.”

“You didn’t screw it up. I just…” She shook her head. “I don’t know what to think.”

“That makes two of us.”