Secrets of a Scandalous Marriage

CHAPTER 35

When the light knock sounded on her door sometime well after midnight, Kate’s stomach leaped. The Christmas Eve dinner with Lily, Devon, Annie, and Jordan had been wonderful, though she’d barely been able to meet Lily’s eyes, let alone James’s. They’d all talked, laughed, and had a wonderful time, but Kate hadn’t been able to concentrate on anything other than James’s promise to visit her room later. She’d hardly eaten a thing even though the meal had been outstanding. Seven courses, meat, duck, jellies, puddings, breads, desserts. All sorts of rich sauces and gravies. It had been a meal fit for royalty and it had been spent with the very best of company. But when James had glanced over at her from behind his wine glass, Kate’s insides trembled, and she had no appetite. She had been forced to apologize to her hostess for not eating much of the delectable courses that had been placed before her.

If Lily thought Kate’s lack of appetite odd, she didn’t say a word. And little wonder. After witnessing Kate’s completely improper display of passion with James earlier, Kate wouldn’t have blamed Lily for tossing her out into the snow. Apparently, she was unfazed by what she’d seen. But would Lily blame her if she knew what she was up to tonight? Kate bit her lip. What her friend didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her, correct?

Very well. Kate had decided weeks ago that she intended to live and living was exactly what she was up to tonight. Of course there was every possibility that James did only wish to speak to her and that he would not kiss her or touch her as he had in the snow-covered gardens earlier, but … she desperately hoped he would. She couldn’t have a future with James. It would be putting him and keeping him in too much peril. But she could have one night with him, and it could be wonderful, magical, something for her to dream about and remember on all those long lonely nights on the Continent.

The light knock sounded again, and Kate crossed over to the door to her room, her white sheath of a night rail barely covering her. It was mostly see-through. She’d discovered that in the looking glass earlier. Halfway indecent. She smiled to herself. It was perfect. She’d let her hair down too, plucking out the pins one by one and shaking the red-gold mass until it shimmered over her shoulders and flowed down her back like fire. James would like it. He’d like it very much.

Pinching color into her cheeks, she hurried to the door, took a deep breath, and opened it with a sly smile on her face.

James stood there with his shoulder propped against the frame. He’d removed his cravat, but he still wore his black evening attire, his snowy white shirt, his black coat, his superfine trousers. One hand was shoved negligently into his pocket, and his dark hair was perfectly in place as usual.

She opened the door wider and stood aside. “Come in, James.”

He straightened up and walked past her into the room. When he turned and saw what she was wearing, his eyes went wide. “Kate.”

She closed the door behind him. She’d already planned exactly what she would do. She moved slowly toward the bed and slid atop it.

He swallowed audibly. “Kate?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

“What are you … doing?”

“I thought you wanted to talk, James.”

He moved toward her, stood next to the bed, and reached out and touched her face. She closed her eyes and rubbed her cheek against his hand.

“Yes, I did,” he said softly. “Do you intend to talk here?” He motioned toward the bed with his chin.

“Yes.” She looked up at him through her lashes. She was vulnerable. So vulnerable. And she was offering herself to him. He only had to reach out and … take her. “Among other things.”

His eyes were smoldering green. He leaned down, his lips hovering over hers. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she repeated.

He kissed her then. He touched his mouth to hers, so sweetly, so softly, and Kate knew in that moment that he was giving her that instant to pull away, say no. But if she didn’t, if she kissed him back with all the passion she felt for him, they would do this, spend the night together and then perhaps nothing would be the same. And she was all right with that.

She’d already made her decision. She moved up to her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck. She slid her lips near his ear. “I have to tell you something.”

His answer came through clenched teeth. “What?” She could tell he was fighting with himself, intent on not touching her until they established what would happen between them tonight.

“I don’t feel much like talking.”

His mouth hovered above hers. His sensual lips slowly formed a smile. “Neither do I.”

He braced his hands on either side of her hips and leaned over, over, over, until she was lying completely back on the mattress. Then he moved up and placed his hands on either side of her head and he lowered his mouth and kissed her. He kept himself above her, hovering over her, not touching her. He stared down at her body. His eyes raking her from the tips of her toes to the crown of her head. “Kate, you look like a dream,” he whispered.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and tried to pull him atop her but he wouldn’t allow it. She arched a brow.

“No hurry.” He gave her a mischievous smile that she felt all the way to her toes.

“Mmm,” she murmured. “James?”

“Yes?” He kissed her again. His tongue met hers.

“This time will you let me take your clothes off?”

A shudder passed through him. “Absolutely.”

“Oh good.” She smiled against his cheek.

He pulled away from her briefly, sat on the edge of the bed, and quickly shucked his boots. Then he lay on the bed next to her, his back completely against the mattress. He crossed his arms under his head. “I’m yours to undress.”

Kate smiled a catlike smile. “Excellent.”

She rolled over and threw a leg across his two, then sat up, bracing her knees on either side of his hips. She watched him. His green eyes grew wide. He was obviously trying to keep his face blank. She’d just see about that. Excitement and anxiety raced through her entire body. They were really going to do this, the two of them. She’d been waiting for so long, dreaming about this moment. She didn’t want it to end. She needed to remember it forever.

She reached out and ran a hand down his muscled chest. His shirt was open at the neck, revealing a bit of dark chest hair. He shuddered again, and she let her fingers trail from the patch of warm skin at the V in his neck to his waist. His muscles rippled under her fingertips, and she longed to tear the white shirt from his body and fling it to the floor.

“James?”

“Yes, love?” His voice sounded a bit strained, pained.

“How does it make you feel when I … touch you?”

“It’s just like…” He closed his eyes. “Torture.”

She yanked his shirt from the top of his breeches, and James sat up straight, helping her. He tugged it over his head with both hands. She took it from him and soon discarded it by tossing it to a heap on the floor. Then she sat back and reveled in the unadulterated view of him from the waist up. He was lean and muscled and perfect-looking. Lord Colton and Lord Ashbourne had spoken of their love for boxing when they’d all gone to the farm, but James hadn’t mentioned his favorite sport. “How do you stay in such good … form?” she asked a bit hesitantly. “Surely not boxing?”

He smiled at that and shook his head. “No. I prefer fencing. I do it every day at the club. In addition to riding in the park.”

She bit her lip. “I had no idea you were so…” Her fingers glanced off the six muscles that stood out in sharp relief on his belly. “Well made.”

He closed his eyes, a grin on his lips. “By all means, look all you like.”

Kate smiled at that. She intended to. Frankly, she’d never seen her husband entirely naked. Oh, he’d been nude with her, certainly, but she’d never actually … looked. Instead she’d been too frightened and shy, and their interactions had been over too quickly. This time, with James, she intended to look her fill and perhaps learn a thing or two, and with James she knew the view would be an absolute delight.

The firelight glanced off his velvety skin. She pushed her hands over his muscled shoulders and stroked him. Then she took a deep breath. The line of hair that trailed from his chest led down past the top of his trousers. She desperately wanted to see that part of him. She closed her eyes briefly and breathed in the intoxicating male scent of him. He was glorious, gorgeous, as if he’d been chiseled in stone. James might not be the dashing charmer that Lord Ashbourne and Lord Colton were, but he was so handsome and unassuming and funny and steadfast and true. Why any woman would look twice at a rogue when they had a man as deliciously perfect as James in their presence, she would never understand. But the other ladies’ loss was her gain, and she intended to take absolute advantage … in every possible way.

She let her tapered nails drift down his hard abdomen and come to rest on the buttons of his breeches. James squeezed shut his eyes and moaned. “Be gentle, darling,” he said with a bit of humor in his voice.

“Oh, I intend to pay you back for the exquisite torture you afforded me the last time we were alone together like this.”

His teeth tugged at his bottom lip, and a surge of lust shot through Kate and pooled in between her legs. Oh God, she wanted to rip off his breeches, pull him on top of her and beg him to take her. Instead, she braced her hand on his flat abdomen and slowly allowed her fingers to descend.

James shuddered. She slipped her fingers into the holes and, one by one, released each straining button. Through the fabric of his trousers she felt him, big, hard, wanting her, reaching for her. She traced her fingertips over him. No surprise. He was better than George in that regard too. She’d never spent much time touching George down there, but James’s size put her former husband’s to shame. She knew that much.

James groaned as she stroked him up and down through the fabric. After all the buttons were undone, she slipped her hand in his trousers and wrapped her fingers around him. His groan intensified. “Kate,” he gasped.

She squeezed him. She stroked him. And then she leaned down, slowly, oh so slowly, and she kissed him. There. His hips nearly bucked off the bed. “God damn it,” he cried out, his fingers tangling in her long hair.

He rolled her over then, and suddenly his breeches were completely gone. “Kate,” he whispered. “I need to see you, to feel you.”

“Yes,” was all she said.

James pulled her flimsy night rail over her head and discarded it in a rolled-up ball that he tossed away with one hand. He leaned back and took in the unreal beauty of Kate’s body. She was like a painting come to life, all alabaster skin, perfect large breasts with pink tips, a tiny waist, enticing rounded hips, and the hair and eyes of a goddess. “You’re perfect, Kate. You take my breath away.”

She smiled at that and met his eyes. “I was going to say the same thing about you.”

His hand shook a little. The red triangle of hair between her thighs beckoned him. He leaned down and breathed in her maddening scent just before he kissed her there, just as she had done to him.

Kate gasped. Her hips twitched beneath him. She spread her legs. “James, I want you,” she breathed.

“I want you too, goddess,” he said just before he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Then he moved his head to her breasts and lavished them both with his tongue. He tugged one with his mouth, while the other he tortured with his fingers, rubbing the nipple between his thumb and index finger, nipping at it, plucking at it, all the while keeping up his mouth’s assault on the other breast. He kneaded it with his lips, kissed it, sucked it, and Kate arched her back off the bed and cupped his dark head to her chest.

Then James’s hand traveled down her belly to the juncture between her thighs and his finger slipped into the slick folds. He rubbed her there, enough to make her mad and wet with need. He slipped a finger—a single finger—inside of her and rubbed it in and out. Kate moaned. Her head moved back and forth fitfully on the pillows. He moved his finger up to the little nub between her legs and rubbed her there too, in perfect little circles. Kate arched her hips off the bed, clutching at his hand, moaning his name, begging him not to stop.

He brought her to the pinnacle, her hips were nearly bucking off the bed, and then he moved his hand away. “No,” she gasped.

He smiled against her neck. “It’s better this way,” he assured her, kissing her neck. “Trust me.”

She wanted to sob, but she nodded. “I trust you. But I want to do it to you, too.”

He opened his mouth to deny her, but she’d already rolled over and was busily moving down, down, down. Her perfect pink mouth hovered so near his hard throbbing cock he couldn’t breathe. Instead, he held his breath. Time stopped. Her pink tongue flicked out to touch his tip, and his eyes rolled back in his head. “Oh God. Kate.”

“Shh,” she whispered, torturing him with the same words he’d used to torture her earlier. “Trust me.”

He growled deep in his throat but let her do whatever she wanted with him. His hands clutched at the bed sheets on either side of his hips as Kate’s hot wet mouth slid down his cock. “Jesus Christ!”

Her mouth moved in a smile just before it descended again in a maddening rhythm that made him desperate for release. She was good. Too good. Going about this too well and too fast. And it had been too damn long. He would embarrass himself and spill his seed in her mouth—oh God, dream come true—if he allowed her to continue any longer.

No, he needed to regain control of this situation and he needed to do it now. He couldn’t wait a moment longer to make her his.

He pulled her up forcefully into his arms, kissed her passionately on the mouth again, and rolled over on top of her. He spread her legs with his knee wedged between hers and positioned himself in between her legs. “Kate,” he whispered, nudging her forehead with his so she’d look into his eyes. “Tell me you want me one more time.”

“Oh, James, I do want you. I want you. I want—”

He slid into her then, so hot and strong and hard. Kate’s words ended on a long moan. She couldn’t stop herself. And then he was moving inside of her, up and down. Owning her, possessing her, raining little kisses over her face, whispering words of desire and longing into her ear, making her his in every single way.

Kate had never felt such bliss. Having James inside her, filling her, kissing her, his hot chest rubbing against her breasts, the erotic friction of it making her wet all over again. She couldn’t stand it. He moved his hand down between them and found the nub of pleasure between her legs again, and he rubbed it, over and over in an unending, maddening pattern. He didn’t stop. Kate whimpered, her head moving from side to side on the pillow. She begged him, pleaded with him not to stop.

“I won’t stop, Kate,” he promised. “Come for me.”

His finger moved up and down, up and down, her hips were helpless to follow his rhythm, the sensuous pace he’d set for them. She followed him, and he took her there. She raised her hips from the mattress, convulsing, just before her world shattered into a thousand tiny pieces, and she screamed his name against his strong, burning-hot shoulder.

“Oh God, Kate,” he murmured, just before pumping into her again … again … and then one last time before he spilled himself inside her.

Kate surfaced slowly from the cloud of euphoria that encased her brain. James had rolled to his side to relieve his weight from her and he sat, running his fingertip along her hairline, kissing her nose, and tucking little strands of her hair behind her ear.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered.

“So are you,” she replied, smiling.

He rolled his eyes at that.

“What?” she asked. “You don’t believe me?”

“Hardly.”

She pulled the blanket underneath her arms and watched him from the corners of her eyes. “You know what I thought the first day I met you?”

The sheet was pulled up to his waist and he looked over at her, a surprised grin on his face. “In the Tower?”

She nodded and one of her red-gold curls bounced out from behind her ear, making her look absolutely adorable. “Yes.”

“What?” he asked, now more than a bit curious.

“I thought you were the most handsome man I’d ever seen.”

“Now I know you’re just appealing to my vanity,” he replied.

She propped herself up on an elbow and looked at him. “No, James, I’m entirely serious. You have no idea how guilty I felt. I knew I had absolutely no business having such indecent thoughts about you while I was in gaol for murder … when my husband was dead. But I couldn’t help myself.” She bit her lip.

He rubbed her cheek with the back of his fingers. “If you were feeling guilty, I was feeling as if I were about to be smitten with a lightning bolt given the indecent nature of the thoughts I was having about you at the time.”

Her eyes widened like giant blue moons and she laughed. “James, you didn’t?”

“Oh yes. I did.”

She playfully slapped him on the shoulder. “You had indecent thoughts about me even though you thought I was a murderess?”

He shrugged. “I couldn’t help myself. Besides, I didn’t know for sure if you were guilty.”

“Is that why you brought me to your house?” She grinned at him.

“I brought you to my house because you were my responsibility. I wanted to keep you safe,” he replied. “I only prayed I could keep my hands off you.”

“You prayed?”

“Every single day.”

She giggled. “And you couldn’t? Keep your hands off me?”

He looked a bit chagrined. “Guilty. As you can see.”

“It’s all right, James. I couldn’t keep my hands off you either.”

“I tried my damnedest,” he said, reaching out and stroking the curl that lay on her shoulder, tempting him.

“I didn’t.” She laughed.

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her again. And it was several minutes later before he pulled his mouth from hers.

He tapped her nose with his fingertip. “Now that we’ve been so scandalous, my lady, we really do need to talk.”

She curled up under his shoulder and wrapped her arm around his waist. “Oh, not now, James. We can talk tomorrow, can’t we? Tonight I just want to fall asleep in your arms.

He wrapped his arms around her more tightly. “Merry Christmas, Kate,” he whispered into her sweet-smelling hair.

“Merry Christmas, James.”

She giggled.

“What’s so funny?”

“You know what I want for a Christmas gift?” she asked with a sly smile on her face.

He leered at her. “What?”

She blushed beautifully and ducked her head under the sheet. “To do that again.”

He pulled up the sheet and followed her underneath. “That, my lady, can be easily arranged.”

When Kate awoke, the room was still dark. Thank goodness the maids weren’t up yet. The curtains were still drawn. None of the bright light from outdoors filtered into the room. She sat up and eyed James. His seamless brow, his smooth forehead, the straight line of his nose. He was so handsome. Handsome and noble and … he probably would make the perfect husband. He was perfect in all else, why not that? But the part she liked best was how his hair was mussed. She’d never seen him with mussed hair before. The man had always looked flawless. Apparently, even James wasn’t entirely perfect every minute. Though, she thought to herself with a small secret smile, last night had been. It had been exactly that. Perfect. In every way.

It wasn’t possible that she would forget it any time soon … or … ever. The things he’d done to her. Oh, she shuddered just thinking about them again. Some of them were indecent. Some of them were perhaps illegal. But all of them were immensely … fun. She giggled to herself. Good heavens. When was the last time she’d giggled?

Oh, this man, he brought out the most unexpected emotions in her. She searched his handsome sleeping face. One of them was … love. She sucked in her breath. Oh God, she loved him. She did. And it was because of that that she couldn’t allow him to throw away his life on her.

James stirred in his sleep. He opened one hazel eye. “Good morning.” He gave her a sensuous smile and her stomach flipped.

“Good morning,” she whispered back.

He sat up, pulled her into his arms, kissed her deeply, and Kate became aroused all over again by his expert touch.

He kissed her shoulder, her ear, the bend in her neck. Then he whispered into her hair. “We’ll be married as soon as I can procure a license.”

Kate’s heart stopped. She propped herself up on one elbow, holding the sheet to her chest. “What?”

He kissed her cheek. “It shouldn’t take longer than a day or two. I’ll go to London tomorrow. I’ll leave at first light.”

She shook her head and pushed herself away a little. “No.”

He looked up at her. His brow was furrowed. “No? Why? Is it because you’re still supposed to be in mourning?”

She shook her head. “What? No. I’ve caused such a scandal already, I don’t care about that. But we can’t marry, James.”

This time he sat up and his face wore a thunderous expression. “What do you mean? We just spent the night together, I thought that meant—”

She closed her eyes. “I want to, James. Truly, I do. But what people want and what people get are often two very different things. Don’t you know that?”

He grasped her shoulders, forced her to open her eyes and look at him. “It doesn’t have to be like that, Kate.”

She moved away from him, to the edge of the bed, the sheet still wrapped around her. “I’m a complete outcast. The ton will never accept me. I can’t be your wife. I’d ruin you. You must know that.”

“I don’t give a damn about the ton. We’re getting married just as soon as I procure a license.”

Kate didn’t answer. She let her hair fall over her face, hiding her torn expression. She wanted so desperately to believe. She held the dream in her head. She cherished it. Nurtured it. Could it be real? Could she truly stay with him? Could they find love?