Secrets of a Scandalous Marriage

CHAPTER 38

It was exactly two hours later when James entered Catherine Eversly’s town house and made his way down the hall to stand outside the rose salon where Catherine insisted Kate could be found. He’d managed to discern from Catherine, after two cups of tea and a great deal of cajoling, that Lily and Annie had been instrumental in introducing Kate to Catherine. Catherine, never one to shy away from a scandal and insert herself into the latest on dit, had been only too happy to play secret hostess to the most talked-about woman in London. She seemed to relish it, actually. She adored having the biggest story of the winter season living under her roof with no one the wiser.

“I thought you’d be more clever, Medford,” Catherine had drawled, fluttering her long black lashes over the rim of her teacup. “I had no idea it would take you so long to figure it out.”

He regarded her through half-lidded eyes. “I didn’t figure it out.”

“Precisely why I’m here, darling. I wanted to put you out of your misery. And get this little drama under way. It was all taking far too long, to be honest.” She laughed. “Besides, I’ve always had a fondness for you, Medford dear. You know that. I do hate to watch you suffer.”

“Thank you for that,” he said in an unconvinced tone. But he’d insisted that he be allowed to visit Kate as soon as possible. And now here he was.

He took a deep breath, eyeing the door in front of him.

What would he say to her? She’d left him. Why? She’d spent the night with him, they’d discussed marriage, and then she’d vanished, leaving only an insufficient note to explain her actions. He steeled his resolve. He meant to ask her why she’d left, to tell her why she should stay, and then to leave it to her to decide once and for all. Whatever she decided, he would abide by her wishes. But she would bloody well say it to his face. No more notes. James straightened his shoulders and rapped once upon the door. This was the second time she’d left him. There would not be a third.

There was a muffled sound of movement within the room for a moment before the door swung open. Kate stood there in a pretty velvet emerald-green day dress looking radiant as ever. She also looked shocked as hell to see him.

Her hand flew to her throat. “James.”

“May I come in?”

She stood staring at him for a few moments as if in a daze, then she moved aside and opened the door wider, ushering him in.

He brushed past her into the salon.

“How did you find me?” she asked, closing the door behind him.

He turned to face her. “Don’t worry, Lily and Annie kept your secret well. I spent the last several days bribing every employee of every hotel across the city.”

She arched a brow. “Breaking rules? That doesn’t sound like you.”

“I assure you. Nothing I’ve done in the past few days sounds like me.”

She pushed her hands down her skirts. “But how did you find—”

“Catherine paid me a visit.”

She looked down and nodded. “I see.”

“Don’t blame her. She was doing me a favor.”

Kate twisted her fingers. “I’d never blame her. She’s been so kind to take me in.” Her gaze searched his face. “Are you all right, James?”

He smiled a humorless smile. “How can you ask me that?”

She moved over to the window and looked out, wrapping her arms around her middle. “Why did you come?”

His voice was tight. “Funny. I thought I’d asked you to marry me, and you never gave me your answer. Or did you forget?”

She traced her finger along the windowsill. “I thought my answer was clear when I told you I was leaving.”

He narrowed his eyes on her. “You left me a note. A note I ripped into a hundred pieces.”

Her voice cracked. “I’m sorry, James.”

“Tell me to my face that the answer is no,” he demanded. A muscle ticked in his jaw.

She swung around to face him, tears welling in her eyes. “I’m leaving for the Continent in two days, James.”

Kate eyed James. His hair was disheveled, his cravat askew. He looked completely mussed and endearingly handsome. And she’d done this to him. His house was destroyed, his reputation in danger, and now he was apparently willing to completely obliterate it for her. She couldn’t allow it.

When he’d asked her if the answer to his proposal was no, she couldn’t say it, couldn’t drag that one word past her dry lips. She wanted so badly to say yes, but she couldn’t say that either.

He didn’t love her. Had never said as much. He’d offered for her out of a sense of duty. A misguided sense of duty. Just like he had with Lily. He was trying to fix it all.

There were some things you just couldn’t fix. But that wasn’t the worst part. The hardest part. The fact was, Kate loved him. She’d fallen in love with him, truly, deeply. And she couldn’t allow him to sacrifice himself for her. She was a social outcast, a pariah. She had nothing to offer him but ruin. If he had truly loved her, truly wanted her, she might be tempted to accept his offer. They might be able to make it work. But she couldn’t let him ruin himself over someone he didn’t even love. No, she’d spent years in a loveless marriage before and she refused to repeat that mistake ever again.

“James,” she whispered, turning to him. “I cannot allow you to ruin yourself over me.”

“That is my decision to make.”

She dug her fingernails into her palm. “No it’s not, actually. It’s mine too.”

He cursed under his breath. “I didn’t mean—”

She closed her eyes and put up a hand. “I know. You’re just trying to do the right thing. But I cannot allow you to.”

“Damn it, Kate. You’re not allowing me—”

Her eyes snapped open again. “James, I know you. You’re so noble, so full of honor. You want to do right by everyone.” She couldn’t say Lily’s name. Not now. And what did any of it matter? Even if he’d never offered for Lily, the situation was untenable because of her own blackened reputation.

“Kate, don’t do this.” He moved toward her, reached for her, and she had to close her eyes, hoping he wouldn’t see the unshed tears. He wasn’t making this easy for her. She’d just have to play her very last card. She whirled around, turning her back on him, staring unseeingly out the frozen panes of glass in the window. “Marriage is hardly a panacea, James. The first time I married, everyone acted as if I’d been given a gift from the heavens. I quickly realized that was far from true. You’ll forgive me if I don’t think marrying another nobleman is the answer to my prayers.”

There was a long, painful pause before he answered in a tight, clipped voice. “Is that how you truly feel? You equate me with George?”

Again, she couldn’t drag the word past her lips. Instead, she merely nodded. She shut her eyes. “Good-bye, James,” she whispered.

Seconds later, she heard the door close behind him and the click of his boots on the marble in the hallway. She rested her forehead against the freezing windowpane and let the tears she’d been holding back flow freely down her cheeks. Sobs racked her body. Oh God, she’d just performed the most selfless act of her life, letting the man she loved walk away.