Sweet Seduction

Chapter 31

Julie's stomach was in knots. Not just one of those nervous little twitches. She felt like she was going to puke. All because the man said he loved her.

She paced anxiously around the bedroom, stopping to listen every once in a while. Nathan was still in the shower, a fact she was grateful for.

What did she say? What did she do?

She wanted a man that looked at her like Damon looked at Serena. She wanted a man who looked at her with that "everything" glint in his eye.

Well, Nathan had looked at her that way. Just before he'd said he loved her. And it terrified her.

She was a coward. An absolute screaming ninny for what she was about to do, but she needed to get out. This wasn't something she could just bumble through. This was important. This was it. This was one of those moments that an entire life path formed around, and if she fucked it up, it would affect the rest of her life.

Okay, she could definitely cut some of the melodrama, but it was true. Nathan had looked at her with forever in his eyes, and she'd wanted to give him those words back. Wanted it badly, but she'd caught herself. He deserved more than just an obligatory utterance. She couldn't—wouldn't—say it just because he'd said it to her. No, by God, she'd mean it.

Did she mean it?

She let out a soft moan. She wished she could believe it. Believe him. What if he was just caught up in the moment? What if he did what all other men did and got tired of her strong personality and left her for someone more meek and feminine?

Sweat beaded her forehead as her nausea grew. Was she good enough for Nathan?

Oh God, she did not just think that. She was not doubting her self-worth because of a man. She raised a trembling hand to her forehead and knew she had to get out of there before Nathan got out of the shower and she made a royal mess of things.

Before she lost her nerve, she hurried to the bathroom door and knocked. Before waiting for an answer, she hollered through the wood.

"I have to, uh, go out, Nathan. I don't know when I'll be back. You can let yourself out. I'll, uh, see you. I'll call you. Yeah, I'll do that."

She heard a harsh expletive and the crash of the medicine cabinet, but she was bolting for the front door like the scared rabbit she was.

When she spied Nathan's keys on the bar, she had to laugh at her stupidity. She didn't have a car. Her rental was still at Serena's. And she was standing here like an idiot.

Making a split-second decision, she grabbed the keys and flew out the door. Seconds later, she threw herself into the driver's seat and jammed the keys into the ignition. She cranked it and fumbled with the gearshift then put it in reverse.

As she backed away, Nathan came running out of her apartment with just a towel around his waist. He looked pissed, even more so when he saw her in his truck.

"Julie, goddamn it!" he yelled.

She punched the accelerator and left the parking lot, her hands shaking. Okay, not smart. Really not smart. She was too humiliated to turn around and go back though. In for a penny, in for a pound.

Instinctively she went in the direction of Serena's house. It was Serena she needed to talk to right now. Serena had had doubts about Damon and their relationship. She would understand Julie's conflict, and maybe between the two of them they could figure out what Julie's problem was.

Faith was different. She'd known Gray was the man for her from the very beginning, and she'd gone after him with single-minded determination.

Just like . . .

Julie groaned and tightened her hands around the steering wheel.

Just like she'd known that Nathan was the one for her. And now that she'd gotten what she wanted, she was doing her best to screw it up. Just like she did all her other relationships.

Stupid.

As she pulled up to Damon's house, tears swam in her eyes, which only served to piss her off more.

Serena was waiting for her at the door when she pulled up and parked in the circle drive. Had Nathan called her?

No words were exchanged when Julie trudged up to the entrance. Serena took one look at her and pulled her into a giant hug.

"Come in. You look terrible."

"I feel terrible," Julie choked out.

"Aw, hon, it can't be that bad."

Serena led her into the living room and coaxed her down onto the couch. Sam as well as the housekeeper hovered in the distance, anxious looks on their faces.

"Give us a while and see that we're not disturbed," Serena said softly. "I'll call if we need anything."

When they were alone, Serena took Julie's hands and squeezed. "Okay, tell me what happened and why you're driving Nathan's truck when he's not in it."

Julie took a big gulp of air and spilled the entire story. From the absolutely awesome sex—not leaving any details out—to Nathan's declaration of love and of Julie discovering that she just might love Nathan back. Hell, there was no maybe. It positively scared her how strongly she felt for this man.

"What are you afraid of, Julie?" Serena asked, sympathy ringing in her voice.

Julie gave her a watery smile. "I'm not supposed to be afraid of anything, you know? I'm a confident woman. I own my own business. But he ... he makes me want things I've never wanted. No, scratch that. He makes me hope for things I've always wanted."

"So what's the problem?"

"Remember when you struggled so much with your relationship with Damon? Coming to terms with it? You told me you were so afraid of not being what he needed, of disappointing him."

Serena's eyes softened. "Yeah. I'm still afraid. I've just decided not to let my fears ruin the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"I wish I could be like you," Julie said sadly. "Goddamn it, Serena. I'm terrified. Terrified."

"That he'll leave you?" Serena asked gently.

Julie wavered for a moment, her breath coming out all shaky like she was a hair from crying. She hated that. Hated coming off like a weak-kneed, emotional twit.

"I'm afraid ... I'm afraid he'll wake up one morning and the very things that first attracted him to me will be the very things that turn him away."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"I'm a bitch, Serena."

"No, you're not!"

"I am. I'm blunt, forceful, headstrong and confident. People often say they admire me, or they appreciate people who say it straight, who keep it real. And for a while they do, until all the new and shiny wears off and suddenly they don't like me so much anymore. I become caustic and abrasive. The things they liked about me now turn them away. And men? They're the worst. A strong, confident woman is sexy to them, but then they become intimidated by me and they think I'm wearing the pants in the relationship."

"There is nothing wrong with you," Serena said fiercely. "Other than the fact that you've dated morons. The right man will love you, warts and all. He'll love your independence.

Contrary to popular belief, men really do love women who can think for themselves. They love women who can be an equal in the relationship."

"Very well said, Serena mine," Damon murmured.

Both women looked up to see Damon standing across the living room, his eyes glowing with pride.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," he said in Julie's direction. "But not sorry I overheard." He walked closer and sat down in the armchair next to the couch. "Serena is right, Julie. A woman who needs protecting, the helpless female persona, can be ... enticing. But beyond that first brush, that first shine of the relationship, it dulls really fast. A needy woman may appeal to the male ego, but a strong, independent woman is a treasure for the long haul."

Julie cocked her head. "But you . . ." She cleared her throat uncomfortably.

"You can say what you like in front of me," he said gently.

"You like submissive women." She cast an apologetic look at Serena because she didn't want her friend to think she thought she was wimpy. "How can you say those things about a strong, independent woman when you crave submission?"

Damon's eyes twinkled. "Serena is a strong, very independent woman in her own right. She chooses to submit to me. I have no desire for a doormat. For as long as Serena is mine, I will always take care of her. However, I need to know she can take care of herself."

Julie's eyes watered. "Do you know why I decided not to go back to The House?"

Both Serena and Damon gave her puzzled looks.

"I saw you that night." Again she looked at Serena in apology. "You and Damon in the common room."

Serena's mouth formed an O.

Damon's expression was no less perplexed. "I'm sorry if you were offended, Julie."

"No," she said huskily. "I won't lie. When I first saw what you were doing, I wanted to run over and kick your ass and then put my arms around Serena."

"You're a very loyal friend," Damon said with a smile.

"You changed something in me that night. I decided I wanted a man who looked at me the way you looked at Serena."

"Ah, Julie," Serena murmured as she stroked a hand through Julie's hair.

"Nathan looked at me like that," she choked out. "He said he loved me."

"And you don't believe him?" Damon asked.

"I do," she whispered. "That's what scares me so much. If I thought he didn't really love me I could laugh it off and know that his infatuation would wear off and it wouldn't bother me because I'd know from the beginning that it wasn't real. But I can't stand the thought of him growing to hate me."

A chill overtook her, and she shook uncontrollably. She rubbed her hands up her arms in an attempt to infuse some warmth. She hated the cold that had settled into her bones ever since she'd run from the apartment.

"Julie, I'm going to be honest,'' Damon said. "I understood Serena's concerns about our relationship. Because she shared them with me."

Julie flushed and closed her eyes. In other words, Serena wasn't the stone-cold coward Julie was.

"I understood them, but I was frustrated all the same, you see, because all I wanted was a chance."

Silence fell as his meaning settled over her.

"All you can do is give him a chance. Just like I asked Serena to give me. If he loves you, if you love him, you owe it to both of you to give him—and yourself—a chance. What do you have to lose?"

"Everything," she whispered.

"But think of what you could gain," Serena said gently. "Think about it, Julie. You were ready to kick my ass. Remember? You kidnapped me and ratted me out to Damon. Don't make me tell you what a dumbass you're being now."

Julie laughed even as a tear trickled down her cheek. "I love you, you know."

"Yeah, I know. I seem to have that irresistible quality that no one can resist."

"Conceited bitch," Julie said without heat.

Damon chuckled. "I'm going to leave you ladies now. I just wanted to make sure you were all right. If you need—"

The front door crashed open causing Julie to jump. They all looked up to see Nathan barrel around the corner, a murderous gleam in his eye.

Sam appeared from nowhere, stepping between Nathan and the other occupants of the room. To Julie's astonishment, Nathan curled his hands around the big man's shirt, snarled and shoved him out of the way. Sam appeared equally astonished and gaped as Nathan passed him on his way to Julie.

Ignoring both Serena and Damon, he bent over, trapping Julie by placing his hands on either side of her hips on the couch.

"I've tried doing this your way," he growled. "I've tried being patient, understanding, gentle even. I didn't want to come across as some knuckles-dragging-the-ground Neanderthal because I was afraid you'd run hard in the other direction. Ha! Well, I'm done with that. This time we're doing it my way."

She squeaked in utter shock when he simply hauled her up and tossed her over his shoulder.

"Damon, Serena," he said in a calmer voice. "I appreciate you being here for Julie when she needed you, but from now on, if I can help it, I'll be one she runs to and not from when she does her little panic act. Now if you'll excuse us, she and I have a hell of a lot to discuss, and I'd rather not do it in front of an audience."

"You be careful with her," Serena said fiercely as she rose from the couch.

Julie was getting a kink in her neck from peering around Nathan's back, and why the hell wasn't she putting up a fight? She was honest to God too stunned to do more than just lie there like a complacent twit.

"I'm going to do what I should have done a hell of a long time ago," Nathan said evenly. "And that's show Julie that she damn well belongs with me, and that all these silly games are over."