The Last Song

24 Ronnie

Ronnie watched Will walk off before making her way back to the house, thinking about the things he’d said and wondering if he was right about Blaze. The upcoming court date had been weighing on her all summer: She sometimes wondered whether the anticipation of the possible punishment was worse than the punishment itself. As the weeks had rolled by, she’d been waking up in the middle of the night and finding it impossible to go back to sleep. It wasn’t that she was terrified of going to prison-she doubted that she’d be locked up-but she fretted that these crimes would follow her forever. Would she have to reveal her history to a college she might attend? Did she have to tell her future employers? Would she be able to get a job teaching? She didn’t know whether she’d attend college or even wanted to become a teacher, but the fear remained. Would this haunt her forever?

Her lawyer didn’t think so, but she wouldn’t promise anything.

And the wedding. It was easy for Will to ask her to come, to assume it was no big deal. But she knew that Susan didn’t want her there, and the last thing she wanted was to be some sort of distraction. This was supposed to be Megan’s day.

Reaching the back porch, she was about to step inside when she heard the rocking chair squeak. She jumped back in terror, only to see Jonah watching her.

“That. Was. So. Gross.”

“What are you doing out here?” she demanded, her heart still racing.

“Watching you and Will. Like I said, that was really gross.” He made a point to shiver.

“You were spying on us?”

“It was kind of hard not to. You were right there by the workshop with Will. It looked like he was practically squishing you to death.”

“He wasn’t,” Ronnie assured him.

“I’m just saying how it looked.”

She smiled. “You’ll understand when you’re a little older.”

Jonah shook his head. “I understand exactly what you were doing. I’ve seen movies. I just think it’s gross.”

“You’ve already said that,” she pointed out.

That seemed to stop him for a second. “Where’s he going?”

“Home. He’s got to work tomorrow.”

“Are you going to watch the turtle nest tonight? Because you don’t have to. Dad said that we could watch it tonight.”

“You convinced Dad to sleep outside?”

“He wants to. He thinks it’ll be fun.”

I doubt it, she thought. “It’s fine with me.”

“I’ve already got my stuff ready. Sleeping bag, lantern, juices, sandwiches, a box of Ritz crackers, marshmallows, potato chips, cookies, and a tennis racket.”

“You’re going to play tennis?”

“In case the raccoon comes. You know. If it tries to attack us.”

“It’s not going to attack you.”

“Really?” He sounded almost disappointed.

“Well, maybe it is a good idea,” Ronnie agreed. “Just in case. You never know.”

He scratched his head. “That’s what I thought, too.”

She pointed toward the workshop. “The window looks beautiful, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Jonah said. “Dad wants to make sure every single piece is perfect. He makes me do some pieces two or three times. But I’m getting pretty good.”

“It looks like it.”

“But it gets hot. Especially when he runs the kiln. It’s like an oven.”

It is an oven, she thought. But she didn’t correct him. “That’s too bad. How’s the whole cookie war going?”

“It’s fine. I just have to eat them when he’s napping.”

“Dad doesn’t nap.”

“He does now. Every afternoon, for a couple of hours. Sometimes I have to shake him pretty hard to wake him up.”

She stared at her brother before peering through the window into the house. “Where is Dad, by the way?”

“He’s at the church. Pastor Harris came by earlier. He’s been coming by a lot lately. Him and Dad like to talk.”

“They’re friends.”

“I know. But I think he just used that as an excuse. I think Dad went to play the piano.”

“What piano?” Ronnie asked, puzzled.

“It got delivered to the church last week. Dad’s been going over there to play.”

“He has, huh?”

“Hold on,” he said. “I’m not sure I was supposed to tell you that. Maybe you should forget I said it.”

“Why shouldn’t you tell me?”

“Because you might yell at him again.”

“I’m not going to yell at him,” Ronnie protested. “When was the last time I yelled at him?”

“When he was playing the piano. Remember?”

Oh, yeah, she thought. The kid had an amazing memory. “Well, I’m not going to yell at him.”

“Good. Because I don’t want you to yell at him. We’re supposed to go to Fort Fisher tomorrow, and I want him to be in a good mood.”

“How long has he been at the church?”

“I don’t know. It feels like hours. That’s why I was out here. I was waiting for him. And then you showed up with Will and started making out.”

“We were just kissing!”

“No, I don’t think so. You were definitely making out,” Jonah said with conviction.

“Have you had any dinner yet?” she asked, eager to change the subject.

“I was waiting for Dad.”

“Do you want me to make you a couple of hot dogs?”

“With ketchup only?” he pressed.

She sighed. “Sure.”

“I thought you didn’t even like to touch them.”

“You know, it’s funny, but I’ve been handling a lot of dead fish lately, so a hot dog doesn’t strike me as all that disgusting anymore.”

He smiled. “Will you bring me to the aquarium one time so I can watch you feed the otters?”

“If you want, I might even be able to let you feed them.”

“Really?” Jonah’s voice rose with excitement.

“I think so. I’ll have to ask, of course, but they let some of the student groups do it, so I don’t think it would be a problem.”

His little face lit up. “Wow. Thanks.” Then, getting up from the rocking chair, he added, “Oh, by the way, you owe me ten bucks.”

“For what?”

“Hello? For not telling Dad about what Will and you were doing. Duh.”

“Are you serious? Even though I’m going to make you dinner?”

“Come on. You work and I’m poor.”

“You obviously think I earn far more than I do. I don’t have ten dollars. Everything I’ve earned has gone to help pay for my lawyer.”

He thought about that. “How about five, then?”

“You’d take five dollars from me even though I just told you I don’t even have ten dollars to my name?” Ronnie feigned outrage.

He thought about that. “How about two?”

“How about one?”

He smiled. “Deal.”

After making Jonah his dinner-he wanted the hot dogs boiled, not microwaved-Ronnie headed down the beach, toward the church. It wasn’t far, but it lay in the opposite direction from the route she usually walked, and she’d barely noticed it the few times she’d passed it.

As she approached, she saw the outlines of the spire silhouetted against the evening sky. Other than that, the church disappeared into its surroundings, mostly because it was so much smaller than either of the homes flanking it and had none of the expensive details. The walls were made of clapboard siding, and despite the new construction, the place already looked weathered.

She had to climb over the dune to reach the parking lot on the street side, and here there was more evidence of recent activity: an overflowing Dumpster, a fresh stack of plywood by the door, and a large work van parked near the entrance. The front door was propped open, illuminated by a soft cone of light, though the rest of the building looked dark.

She walked toward the entrance and stepped inside. Looking around, she could see that the place had a long way to go. The floor was concrete, the drywall looked only half-complete, and there were no seats or pews. Dust coated every exposed two-by-four, yet straight ahead, where Ronnie could imagine Pastor Harris preaching on Sundays, her father was sitting behind a new piano that looked utterly out of place. An old aluminum lamp attached to an extension cord provided the only illumination.

He hadn’t heard her come in, and he continued to play, though she didn’t recognize the song. It seemed almost contemporary, unlike the music he usually played, but even to her ears it sounded… unfinished somehow. Her dad seemed to realize the same thing because he stopped for a moment, appeared to think of something new, and started over from the beginning.

This time, she heard the subtle variations he made. They were an improvement, but the melody still wasn’t right. She felt a rush of pride that she still had the ability not only to interpret music, but to imagine possible variations. When she was younger, it was this talent above all else that had amazed her father.

He started over again, making further changes, and as she watched him, she knew he was happy. Though music wasn’t part of her life anymore, it had always been part of his, and she suddenly felt guilty for taking that away from him. Looking back, she remembered being angry at the thought that he was trying to get her to play, but had he really been trying to do that? Had it really been about her? Or had he played because it was an essential aspect of who he was?

She wasn’t sure, but watching him, she felt moved by what he’d done. The serious way he considered every note and the ease with which he made changes made her realize how much he’d given up as a result of her childish demand.

As he played, he coughed once, then again, before stopping the song. He coughed some more, the sound thick and mucousy, and when it continued unabated, she broke into a run to reach him.

“Dad?” she cried. “Are you okay?”

He looked up, and for some reason, the coughing began to subside. By the time she bent down next to him, he was only wheezing slightly.

“I’m okay,” he said, his voice weak. “There’s so much dust in here-it just gets to me after a while. It happens every time.”

She stared at him, thinking he looked a little pale. “Are you sure that’s it?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” He patted her hand. “What are you doing here?”

“Jonah told me you were here.”

“I guess you caught me, huh?”

She waved it off. “It’s okay, Dad. It’s a gift, right?”

When he didn’t respond, she motioned to the keyboard, remembering all the songs they’d written together. “What was that you were playing? Are you writing a new song?”

“Oh, that,” he said. “Trying to write one is more like it. It’s just something I’ve been working on. No big deal.”

“It was good…”

“No, it wasn’t. I don’t know what’s wrong with it. You might-you were always better at composing than I was-but I just can’t seem to get it right. It’s like I’m doing everything backwards.”

“It was good,” she insisted. “And it was… more modern than what you usually play.”

He smiled. “You noticed that, huh? It didn’t start out that way. To be honest, I don’t know what’s happening to me.”

“Maybe you’ve been listening to my iPod.”

He smiled. “No, I can assure you that I haven’t.”

She looked around her. “So when’s the church going to be finished?”

“I don’t know. I think I told you that the insurance didn’t cover all the damage-it’s stalled for the time being.”

“What about the window?”

“I’m still going to finish it.” He pointed to a plywood-covered opening in the wall behind him. “That’s where it’ll go, even if I have to install it myself.”

“You know how to do that?” Ronnie asked in disbelief.

“Not yet.”

She smiled. “Why is there a piano here? If the church isn’t finished? Aren’t you worried it’s going to get stolen?”

“It wasn’t supposed to be delivered until the church was finished, and technically, it’s not supposed to be in here. Pastor Harris hopes to find someone who’s willing to store it, but with no completion date in sight, it’s not as easy as it sounds.” He turned to peek out the doorway and seemed surprised that night had fallen. “What time is it?”

“It’s a little after nine.”

“Oh, geez,” he said, starting to rise. “I didn’t realize the time. I’m supposed to camp out with Jonah tonight. And I should probably get him something to eat.”

“Already taken care of.”

He smiled, but as he gathered up his sheet music and turned out the light in the church, she was struck by how tired and frail he looked.