The Last Song

37 Ronnie

Her dad died less than a week later, in his sleep, with Ronnie on the floor next to him. Ronnie couldn’t bring herself to speak of the details. She knew her mom was waiting for her to finish; in the three hours she’d been talking, her mom had remained silent, much the way her dad always had. But the moments in which she watched her father draw his last breaths felt intensely private to her, and she knew she would never speak of them to anyone. Being at his side as he left this world was a gift that he had given her, and only her, and she would never forget how solemn and intimate it had felt.

Instead, she stared out at the freezing December rain and spoke of her last recital, the most important recital of her life.

“I played for him as long as I could, Mom. And I tried so hard to make it beautiful for him, because I knew how much it meant to him. But he was just so weak,” she whispered. “At the end, I’m not sure he could even hear me.” She pinched the bridge of her nose, wondering idly if she had any tears left to shed. There had been so many tears already.

Her mom opened her arms and beckoned to her. Her own tears shone bright in her eyes.

“I know he heard you, sweetheart. And I know it was beautiful.”

Ronnie gave herself over to her mother’s embrace, resting her head on her chest as she used to do when she was a child.

“Never forget how happy you and Jonah made him,” her mother murmured, stroking her hair.

“He made me happy, too,” she mused. “I learned so much from him. I just wish I had thought to tell him. That, and a million other things.” She shut her eyes. “But now it’s too late.”

“He knew,” her mom assured her. “He always knew.”

The funeral was a simple affair, held in the church that had recently been reopened. Her dad had asked to be cremated, and his wishes had been honored.

Pastor Harris gave the eulogy. It was short but brimming with authentic grief and love. He had loved her father like a son, and despite herself, Ronnie cried along with Jonah. She slipped her arm around him as he sobbed the bewildered cries of a child, and she tried not to think about how he would remember this loss, so early in life.

Only a handful of people had come to the service. She’d spotted Galadriel and Officer Pete as she’d walked in and had heard the church door open once or twice after she’d taken her seat, but other than that, the church was empty. She ached at the thought that so few people knew how special her dad had been or how much he’d meant to her.

After the service, she continued to sit in the pew with Jonah while Brian and her mom went outside to talk to Pastor Harris. The four of them were flying back to New York in just a few hours, and she knew she didn’t have much time.

Even so, she didn’t want to leave. The rain, pouring down all morning, had stopped, and the sky was beginning to clear. She had been praying for that, and she found herself staring at her father’s stained-glass window, willing the clouds to part.

And when they did, it was just as her father had described it. The sun flooded through the glass, splitting into hundreds of jewel-like prisms of glorious, richly colored light. The piano stood in a waterfall of brilliant color, and for a moment Ronnie pictured her father sitting at its keys, his face upturned to the light. It didn’t last long, but she squeezed Jonah’s hand in silent awe. Despite the weight of her grief, she smiled, knowing that Jonah was thinking the same thing.

“Hi, Daddy,” she whispered. “I knew you would come.”

When the light had faded, she said a silent good-bye and pulled herself to her feet. But when she turned around, she saw that she and Jonah weren’t alone in the church. Near the door, seated in the last pew, she saw Tom and Susan Blakelee.

She put her hand on Jonah’s shoulder. “Would you go outside and tell Mom and Brian that I’ll be right out? I have to talk to someone first.”

“Okay,” he said, rubbing his swollen eyes with a fist as he exited the church. Once he was gone, she started toward them, watching as they rose to greet her.

Surprising her, Susan was the first to speak.

“I’m sorry for your loss. Pastor Harris told us your father was a wonderful man.”

“Thank you,” she said. She looked from one of Will’s parents to the other and smiled. “I appreciate that you came. And I also want to thank you both for what you did for the church. It was really important to my dad.”

At her words, she saw Tom Blakelee glance away, and she knew she’d been right. “It was supposed to be anonymous,” he murmured.

“I know. And Pastor Harris didn’t tell me or my dad. But I guessed the truth when I saw you at the site. It was a beautiful thing, what you did.”

He nodded almost shyly, and she saw his eyes flicker to the window. He, too, had seen the light flood the church.

In the silence, Susan waved toward the door. “There’s someone here to see you.”

“Are you ready?” her mom asked as soon as she exited the church. “We’re already running late.”

Ronnie barely heard her. Instead, she stared at Will. He was dressed in a black suit. His hair was longer, and her first thought was that it made him look older. He was talking to Galadriel, but as soon as he saw her, she watched him raise a finger, as if asking her to hold that thought.

“I need a few more minutes, okay?” she said without taking her eyes off Will.

She hadn’t expected him to come, hadn’t expected to see him ever again. She didn’t know what it meant, that he was here, and wasn’t sure whether to feel ecstatic or heartbroken or both. She took a step in his direction and stopped.

She couldn’t read his expression. As he started toward her, she recalled the way he’d seemed to glide through the sand the first time she’d ever seen him; she remembered their kiss on the boat dock the night of his sister’s wedding. And she heard again the words she’d said to him on the day they’d said good-bye. She was besieged by a storm of conflicting emotions-desire, regret, longing, fear, grief, love. There was so much to say, yet what could they really begin to say in this awkward setting and with so much time already passed?

“Hi.” If only I were telepathic, and you could read my mind.

“Hey,” he said. He seemed to be searching her face for something, but for what, she didn’t know.

He made no move toward her, nor did she reach out to him.

“You came,” she said, unable to keep the wonder out of her voice.

“I couldn’t stay away. And I’m sorry about your dad. He was… a great person.” For a moment, a shadow seemed to cross his face, and he added, “I’ll miss him.”

She flashed on the memory of their evenings together at her dad’s house, the smell of his cooking and Jonah’s shouts of laughter as they played liar’s poker. She felt suddenly dizzy. It was all so surreal, to see Will here on this terrible day. Part of her wanted to throw herself into his arms and apologize for the way she had let him go. But another part, mute and paralyzed from the loss of her dad, wondered whether she was still the same person Will had once loved. So much had happened since the summer.

She shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other. “How’s Vanderbilt?” she finally asked.

“It’s what I expected.”

“Is that good or bad?”

Instead of answering, he nodded at the rental car. “I take it you’re heading home, huh?”

“I’ve got to catch a plane in a little while.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, hating how self-conscious she felt. It was as if they were strangers. “Are you finished with the semester?”

“No, I’ve got finals next week, so I’m flying back tonight. My classes are harder than I expected. I’m probably going to have to pull some all-nighters.”

“You’ll be home for break soon. A few walks on the beach and you’ll be good as new.” Ronnie summoned an encouraging smile.

“Actually, my parents are hauling me off to Europe as soon as I’m finished. We’ll spend Christmas in France. They think it’s important for me to see the world.”

“That sounds like fun.”

He shrugged. “What about you?”

She looked away, her mind flashing unbidden to her last days with her dad.

“I think I’m going to audition at Juilliard,” she said slowly. “We’ll see if they’ll still have me.”

For the first time, he smiled, and she caught a glimpse of the spontaneous joy he had shown so often during those warm summer months. How she had missed his joy, his warmth, during the long march of the fall and winter. “Yeah? Good for you. And I’m sure you’ll do great.”

She hated the way they were talking around the edges of things. It felt so… wrong, given everything they’d shared over the summer and all they’d been through together. She drew a long breath, trying to keep her emotions in check. But it was just so hard right now, and she was so tired. The next words came out almost automatically.

“I want to apologize for the things I said to you. I didn’t mean them. There was just so much going on. I shouldn’t have taken it all out on you…”

He took a step toward her and reached for her arm. “It’s okay,” he said. “I understand.”

At his touch, she felt all the pent-up emotion of the day burst to the surface, overwhelming her fragile composure, and she squeezed her eyes closed, trying to stop the tears. “But if you’d done what I demanded, then Scott…”

He shook his head. “Scott’s okay. Believe it or not, he even got his scholarship. And Marcus is in jail-”

“But I shouldn’t have said those awful things to you!” she interrupted. “The summer shouldn’t have ended like that. We shouldn’t have ended like that, and I’m the one who caused it. You don’t know how much it hurts to think that I drove you away…”

“You didn’t drive me away,” he said gently. “I was leaving. You knew that.”

“But we haven’t talked, we haven’t written, and it was just so hard to watch what was happening to my dad… I wanted so much to talk to you, but I knew you were mad at me-”

As she began to cry, he pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. His embrace somehow made everything better and worse at the same time.

“Shhh,” he murmured, “it’s okay. I was never as mad as you thought I was.”

She squeezed him harder, trying to cling to what they’d shared. “But you only called twice.”

“Because I knew your dad needed you,” he said, “and I wanted you to concentrate on him, not me. I remember how it was when Mikey died, and I remember wishing that I’d had more time with him. I couldn’t do that to you.”

She buried her face in his shoulder as he held her. All that she could think was that she needed him. She needed his arms around her, needed him to hold her and whisper that they’d find a way to be together.

She felt him lean into her and heard him murmur her name. When she pulled back, she saw him smiling down at her.

“You’re wearing the bracelet,” he whispered, touching her wrist.

“In my thoughts forever.” She gave a shaky smile.

He tilted her chin so he could stare closely into her eyes. “I’m going to call you, okay? After I get back from Europe.”

She nodded, knowing it was all they had, yet knowing it wasn’t enough. Their lives were on separate tracks, now and forever. The summer was over, and they were each moving on.

She closed her eyes, hating the truth.

“Okay,” she whispered.