The Pregnancy Bond

CHAPTER TEN

WITH every day Kelly found her new self becoming more settled, more truly her. There was no going back to that uncertain girl who’d waited on Jake’s decisions. This mature woman made her own decisions, and if they hurt that was all the more reason for carrying them out decisively.

So as she saw Jake recovering, reaching the point where he would inevitably leave her, she decided to make the first move. Pride demanded it, and pride would soon be all she had to sustain her.

One day she said, ‘Isn’t it time you made a serious effort with Olympia?’

‘What exactly do you mean by that?’

‘Oh, come on, Jake. She’s one of the “movers and shakers”, isn’t she? You always said they were the people who counted. It’s time you were moving and shaking with her.’

He regarded her curiously. ‘Would you care to define moving and shaking?’

Her shrug was a masterpiece of light-hearted indifference. ‘Whatever grabs you. Maybe it’s time to let Olympia grab you. Your call.’

‘Does that mean what I think it means?’

‘It means anything you like. Just don’t let the grass grow under your feet.’

Incensed, he glared at her. ‘You think I’m the kind of guy who’d sleep with a woman to get a job?’

‘I only meant keep on her good side.’

‘You meant a heck of a sight more than that.’

‘Jake, I don’t care why you sleep with her-’

‘Or if I sleep with her?’ he asked dangerously.

She wanted to shout, You stupid man, of course I care. I love you and when you go I’ll feel that my life’s over for a second time. Why can’t you see that?

But he couldn’t see it, and that told her what she really wanted to know. Jake’s blindness was a form of self-protection. So she would hold her head up, make it all easy for him, and do her weeping when he’d gone.

She said lightly, ‘We covered that a long time ago. It’s a dead subject. All I ask is that you don’t do it here, while I’m trying to write an essay about the pyramids.’

‘Well, I’ll be damned! You’re a cool one.’

Her very coolness had seemed to enrage him. In a burst of temper he called Olympia, speaking honeyed words of wine and candle-light. And before Kelly knew it they’d made a date for the next evening, and she was left reflecting that she had only herself to blame.

Since it was too late for regrets, even if she would have allowed herself anything so spineless, she became ‘Anne of Cleves’ with a vengeance, helping him get ready the following day.

‘You want to make a good impression,’ she protested when he complained. ‘Not the red tie. It’s awful.’

‘You gave it to me.’

‘Did I? I must have been annoyed with you. The other one’s better.’

‘Olympia gave me that one.’

‘Good for her. She’s got better taste than me. She’ll be flattered if you wear it.’ Kelly sniffed the air appreciatively. ‘Nice aftershave. Did she give you that too?’

‘No, I bought it today.’

‘Well, it’s terrific. It’ll drive her wild.’ She brushed his shoulders, stood back to admire him, and asked, ‘Have you got everything?’

‘Everything.’

‘Money? Credit card?’

‘Got them.’

‘Second credit card in case the first one’s over the limit and they cut it up-?’

‘Kelly, for Pete’s sake!’

‘It happened to you once, and it was the only one you had and you were stranded-’

‘Yes, I remember,’ he said edgily. ‘I had to call you.’

‘Pen?’

‘Pen.’

‘Matching socks?’

‘Matching socks.’

‘Clean underwear?’

‘What?’

‘In case you have an accident and they take you to hospital,’ she said innocently. ‘That’s what my mother always used to say.’

‘Mine too. I could never persuade her that if I was injured my underwear would be the last thing on my mind.’

They shared a grin. ‘Off you go,’ she said. ‘Have a wonderful time.’

‘Thanks. I intend to.’ He eyed her seven-month bulge. ‘You OK?’

‘Never better. You are going to be really late coming in, aren’t you?’ She managed to sound hopeful.

‘I may be away all night.’

‘Oh good,’ she enthused.

There was a kind of triumph in fooling him so completely. But it was a bleak triumph, and when he’d gone she sat down with her arms folded over her body and rocked back and forth in grief.

The restaurant was the most expensive he could find. The wine was the finest in their cellar, the food the most exquisite cordon bleu. Jake had chosen the details with great care because tonight he was finally going to break free.

He didn’t define to himself exactly what, or whom, he was going to break free from. It couldn’t be Kelly, because she denied that any ties bound them together. The nearest he could come was breaking free of the shackles of the past, something Kelly herself had clearly done. This would prove he’d moved on as much as she had.

Kelly’s behaviour had unnerved him. It was nothing short of insulting that she should have tossed him into Olympia’s arms. There would be no going back from tonight, and it seemed that was what she wanted.

But he’d kept his thoughts to himself as Kelly fussed around him and shooed him out of the flat. To have protested would have been a point to her in the ironic game they seemed to be playing. And if there was one thing he wouldn’t do it was let this infuriating, unreasonable woman know that she’d gone one up.

And now here he was, in a restaurant with Olympia, knowing that somehow he had to pass the night in her bed, because just who did Kelly think she was to goad him like that?

‘I always knew this would happen at last,’ Olympia said, smiling at him, two little candles reflected in her eyes. She reached over and took his hand in hers, giving him a front row view of her glacial beauty. Jake had to admit she was stunning. Her black silk dress was low cut, revealing the swell of her breasts, magnificent and tempting. Her hair was arranged in soft, fluffy curls, that danced about her face whenever she laughed.

She’d looked that way once before, on the night in Paris, when he’d been able to think of nothing but seducing her. He remembered the fierce temptation. If she hadn’t led him to her room when she had he might have seized her and possessed her right there on the floor.

And then, when her door had closed behind them, and the great moment had come-it had all died. Because Kelly had been there, waiting for them. In reality she’d been hundreds of miles away, but somehow there too, watching him with so much love in her eyes that his heart had failed him. But she wouldn’t be around to spoil things for him tonight, and Jake watched the curls that danced around Olympia’s face.

Olympia’s fingers gently caressed his hand, promising magical things to come.

‘There’ve been so many obstacles keeping us apart,’ she murmured. ‘But we were bound to overcome them. Didn’t you feel that too?’

‘I guess I did. I haven’t had a clear head for a long time-’

‘My dear, I do understand. It must have been such a terrible shock for you. And not being able to work must have driven you crazy.’

‘That’s true,’ he reflected. ‘Not my usual kind of work, anyway.’ He gave a self-mocking grin. ‘I’m becoming a dab hand with the vacuum cleaner.’

‘I’m sure you’re making the best of it, but the nightmare’s nearly over.’

‘What nightmare?’

‘Being trapped in that place with the “little woman” fussing over you, never giving you any peace.’

‘The little woman is usually too busy with her college work to fret about me,’ he said wryly.

‘That’s what she lets you think, but you know what she’s really after, don’t you? She wants you back.’

‘Not her. She never wanted me there in the first place.’

‘Oh, darling, don’t be fooled. It’s all an act.’

‘Well, it’s a very funny act, then. She cares about college and her baby. I’m just there on sufferance.’

‘That’s what she lets you think, but the bottom line is that you’re there, living with her, just as she wants.’

Jake looked at her curiously, wondering how one human being could so misread another. ‘It’s not like that at all,’ he said. ‘Kelly’s left me behind. She’s changed; she-’ He stopped because Olympia had given a delicate little yawn. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Darling Jake, I want to concentrate on you tonight, not Kelly. I’m sure she’s a dear little soul, and of course I’m grateful to her for taking you in and being a good nurse, but it’s you that’s left her behind, whatever she likes to pretend. What do you think she’d do if she knew that you were with me now? She’d go wild with jealousy.’

This left Jake in something of a quandary, since a gentleman could hardly tell a lady that he was planning to sleep with her at the urging-practically the orders-of another lady. Man-like, he took refuge in cowardly silence.

‘You’re right, we shouldn’t be talking about her,’ he said hastily.

‘What time is she expecting you in?’

‘She-er-knows I’m going to be very late.’

‘Well, it’s probably very good for her to get rid of you for a night.’

‘What do you mean by that?’ Jake asked, more sharply than he’d intended.

‘Have you thought what a strain it must be for her, looking after you when she’s pregnant?’

‘We look after each other,’ Jake said firmly.

Olympia gave a tinkling little laugh. ‘What a charming idea. But I’ll bet she does most of the work. At least, I hope she does. She’s probably stretched out on the bed right now, getting a much needed rest.’

She’ll be stretched out on the bed, all right, Jake thought. What I want to know is, where’s Carl?

He pulled himself together and seized the champagne bottle. ‘Have a little more champagne, darling. You’re looking glorious tonight.’

She gave him the serene, self-confident smile of a goddess accepting tribute, and squeezed his hand. Jake reminded himself that he’d been out of action for a long time, which was doubtless the reason for a mysterious sense of unease that was haunting him. He returned the pressure of her hand and looked deep into her eyes, thinking of the night to come. But inside him there was only a mysterious and terrifying blank-as blank as Olympia’s eyes. How could a man look deep into eyes like that? There was nothing behind them.

He had a feeling of moving through a dream as they toasted each other in champagne and left the restaurant, finding a cab at once. As they sat in the back Jake tried to pull himself together. A man who’d made a decision should get on with it, without hassle. He took her into his arms and she melted against him, all fragrant femininity. How cold her lips were, he thought. He could feel his heart pounding and tried to believe that this was passion, but somehow it didn’t feel right. The lights outside the cab seemed to be whirling past at a tremendous rate. He crushed Olympia to him, pressing his lips against hers in an attitude of urgency.

Olympia lived in an elegant apartment block in one of the more expensive parts of town. As they crossed the vestibule Jake felt soft carpet beneath his feet. The lift was grey and mirrored, with faint piped music overhead.

Her home was like the woman herself: exquisite, modern, with nothing out of place. As soon as the door had closed behind them she slid her arms about him again, murmuring urgently against his mouth.

He did what was expected of him, kissing her fiercely to blot out the absence of anything behind the kiss.

‘Your heart’s thumping,’ she whispered. ‘You really want me, I can tell.’

He made a throaty, inarticulate sound that she could interpret as she pleased. Whatever she thought, his body was dead and empty of desire. Cold sweat stood out on his brow at the thought of backing off a second time.

‘Come with me,’ she murmured against his mouth. ‘I’m going to make this a really special occasion.’

She unzipped her dress and allowed it to fall to the ground. Jake fixed his eyes on her charms, hoping desperately that something would happen soon. But nothing did, even when she pulled off his jacket and began to work on the buttons of his shirt.

She took his hands and guided them to the fastening of her bra. His fingers worked mechanically until the clasp gave and her breasts were free, swelling heavily against his fingers in a way that should have inflamed him to madness. Instead, it was like touching plastic.

After this there would be no way back to Kelly-no way back-

Suddenly Jake felt himself falling. He clutched the wall and stared about him, wondering where he was, and what he was doing here with this woman.

‘Jake?’ Olympia’s puzzled voice came from a great distance. ‘Are you all right?’

He wasn’t all right. Nothing would ever be all right again. The whole world was moving now, whirling, spinning him into a void. Everywhere was darkness, but nowhere was the darkness worse than in his mind. His surroundings, the woman he was with, what he’d been about to do, all seemed horribly futile.

Olympia was grasping his shoulders, staring into his face. ‘Jake! Jake, what’s the matter?’

He couldn’t answer. He was shaking violently and now he knew that the pounding of his heart had nothing to do with desire. It was fear, horror. The sound increased until it filled the world, a deafening echo, full of the bleak tones of despair. This was more than the dread of a man trying to make love and discovering that he couldn’t. He was lost in a howling wilderness from which Olympia had no power to rescue him.

He struggled to take deep, gasping breaths, but he was suffocating. It was like being pulled towards a black hole. An immense force was drawing him ever closer to the moment when he would be tossed into the hole for ever, sucked down into madness. He fought as best he could, but he seemed to have no strength left. It was pointless to fight when there was nothing but fear and misery in the whole universe.

‘Jake, pull yourself together!’

Somehow Olympia’s voice penetrated the fog about his consciousness. She was shaking him.

‘What’s the matter with you?’ she demanded. ‘Are you ill? Do you want a doctor?’

‘No,’ he managed to say. ‘Not a doctor.’

He knew who he wanted, but it took all his strength to reach the telephone and dial the number of the one person in the world who could help him.

Dear God, let her be there! Please, please let her be there.

The phone on the other end began to ring.

She’s always been there for me before. Make her there now.

The ringing went on and on.

She’s not there. But she must be. She has to be because I need her. Please, please, please, please, please…

‘Hello?’ Kelly answered.

The relief was so great that he almost passed out. ‘Kelly,’ he said in a croak that sounded nothing like his usual voice.

‘Who is this?’

‘It’s me-Jake-’

‘Jake, whatever’s the matter? Are you ill?’

‘I don’t know,’ he gasped. ‘I’m at Olympia’s apartment-can you come here-please come-I want to get home and I can’t-’ He was heaving for breath again.

‘Of course I’ll come,’ she said at once. ‘But, Jake, can you tell me what’s happened?’

‘I don’t know what’s happened,’ he whispered. ‘But get here quickly.’

He dropped the phone and leaned back against the wall, shaking in every limb. Olympia had followed the conversation with outrage.

‘Whatever’s come over you?’ she asked, taking him by the shoulders and giving him a shake.

‘I have to go home. Sorry, Olympia. I’m not-very good company-tonight-’

‘It’s not your fault,’ she said in a voice of concern. ‘You tried to do too much too soon.’

‘Right,’ he muttered, hardly knowing what he said.

‘You’re still worse than we thought.’

‘Right.’ He would agree to anything if only Kelly would arrive soon.

‘I think you should go back to the hospital,’ she said firmly.

‘Not-hospital-Kelly.’ He gasped the words out, one by one.

‘Come and sit down.’ She steered him to the sofa, where he almost collapsed.

Olympia left him for a moment while she collected her scattered clothes and vanished into her bedroom. While there she made a phone call.

Jake stared at something on the floor, wondering what it was and what he was supposed to do with it. At last it registered as his shirt, which he must have discarded some time before. He couldn’t remember it. Using all his concentration he lifted it and put it back on. The effort exhausted him and he slumped on the sofa, fixing his attention on the wall opposite. If he watched the pattern hard enough he could avoid thinking about the monster that was fighting to break out of its cage in his mind.

It was strange how perfectly regular the pattern was-one, two, three-how long would it take her to get here?-four, five, six-when had he phoned her? He’d lost track of time-seven, eight, nine-but, please God, let her be here soon?

He reached the end of the row and started again. One, two, three-how would she come? In a cab?-four, five, six-it was such a distance-such a vast distance from Kelly to Olympia-an unbridgeable distance-why did he think of that now? Seven, eight, nine-

He kept his eyes closed, trying to shield his inner self from Olympia’s curious gaze. There was only one person he trusted to see deeply into his heart and soul, but she wasn’t here. She had promised to come to him, but where was she? The monster was growing stronger, smashing against the bars, threatening him with unspeakable horrors. If she didn’t get here in time…

The doorbell broke into his terrors. His forehead was damp with relief. Now everything would be all right.

But it wasn’t Kelly. It was two men in grey sweaters and trousers.

‘Are you the lady who called the ambulance?’ one of them asked Olympia.

‘That’s right.’

‘What the devil have you done?’ Jake demanded harshly. ‘Who asked you to call anyone?’

‘Darling, you need help.’

‘And I’ll get it when Kelly arrives.’

‘I mean real professional help.’

Jake turned on the two men, gasping. ‘Who are you and where do you come from?’

‘Forest Glades,’ one of them said. ‘The best private rest home in the business.’

‘Be damned to you and your “rest home”. I know what that means.’

‘It’s all right,’ Olympia soothed. ‘The company will pay the bills.’

With a tremendous effort he pulled himself together. The next words came out sounding strange to his own ears, harsh and dead, like a robot. But they made a sort of sense.

‘I’m going home with my wife. She’ll be here in a moment.’

The two men looked at Olympia, who gave an awkward laugh.

‘Darling, you don’t have a wife. You’re divorced.’ An ominous concern shaded her voice. ‘Surely you remember? Of course I know you’ve been a bit forgetful recently-’

‘I haven’t forgotten the important things,’ he said, still in the same harsh voice. ‘Divorce or no divorce, Kelly is still my wife, and she always will be.’

‘Jake, really-’

‘And if you want proof of that, she’s having my baby.’

The paramedics looked at him, then at Olympia. Jake was alive to the nuances but he was beyond caring. Every fibre of his being was concentrated on seeming normal until Kelly arrived. He could feel his control slipping, but if he could just hang on a little longer…she could handle everything…she was strong…she had always been strong…

‘Excuse me,’ came a voice from the doorway. The paramedics had left it open and Kelly was standing there, smiling and apparently at ease.

‘Jake, dear,’ she said, coming forward to him, ‘I got here as soon as I could. Are you ready to come home now?’

‘Yes,’ he said hoarsely.

‘Excuse me, miss-ma’am-’ it was one of the paramedics ‘-can you confirm that you’re his wife?’

Eyes wide with apparent naivety, Kelly declared, ‘Of course I am. But you already knew that. He told you.’

So she’d heard, Jake thought. Everything was reaching him from a distance, but he registered that Kelly was totally in control.

The other paramedic was a puritanical young man. Eyeing Kelly’s very obvious pregnancy with outrage he said stiffly, ‘I’m sorry to tell you, ma’am, but we found your husband with this-lady.’

Her disconcerting response was a ripple of laughter. ‘Haven’t you given up yet, Olympia? I suppose you thought your best chance was to pounce now, while I’m pregnant. It doesn’t seem to have worked, does it? Never mind, better luck next time.’

‘You mean you don’t mind?’ the young man asked, gaping.

‘Mind about her? What for? She’s no threat to my marriage. Sorry, Olympia, but the truth is the truth, even when it hurts.’

‘I think you’d better leave,’ Olympia said through clenched teeth.

‘Glad to,’ Kelly said promptly, slipping her hand through Jake’s arm. ‘I’m sorry you two gentlemen were called out for no reason. Ready, darling?’

‘One moment before you go,’ Olympia said acidly, vanishing into the bedroom. She returned a moment later and held out her hand, bearing Jake’s cufflinks. ‘Don’t forget these.’

‘Thank you,’ Kelly said, taking them. She met her gaze. ‘Poor Olympia,’ she said softly.

The murderous look in the other woman’s eyes provided one of the great moments of her life.