The Pregnancy Bond

CHAPTER SIX

IT WAS another week before Jake had recovered from his escape sufficiently to be allowed out of the hospital. In that time Kelly had his room furnished and redecorated by experts. It made quite a hole in the cheque, but still left her enough to ease her money concerns. When she tried to thank him he changed the subject.

‘All right, let’s be practical,’ she said. ‘You’ll need some more clothes. If you’ll give me your key I’ll collect some for you.’

‘Thanks, but there’s no need,’ he said quickly.

‘I don’t mind.’ After their separation they had both vacated their old home, and secretly she was curious to see Jake’s new apartment. ‘Give me the key.’

‘You don’t have to bother,’ he said stiffly. ‘I’ve arranged all that.’

She suddenly felt very foolish. Of course Olympia would have done it for him. She probably had the key anyway. How could she have forgotten the real situation?

She made an excuse to leave, and bid him a bright, edgy goodbye.

The evening before he was due she concentrated hard on the chapter of a book she’d been set to read, knowing that her time would be much taken up next day. When her doorbell rang she didn’t hear it the first time. At last she answered it and found Olympia standing outside. As always she looked glorious, her mane of blonde hair tousled to perfection. Her gracious smile widened when she saw Kelly, and she enveloped her in a scented embrace that almost made her gag.

‘Kelly, dear, you don’t mind my dropping in, do you?’

‘Not at all,’ Kelly lied.

‘I was so glad to hear that you’d been helping Jake. It’s so wonderful the way all his old friends have remembered him. I suppose we should call you an old friend now, shouldn’t we?’

‘Not as old as some,’ Kelly observed with a touch of pardonable malice. Olympia had a good five years over her.

She would have liked to throw this smiling woman out, but somehow Olympia was inside the apartment, looking it over as though she owned it, and throwing open the door to the room that was to be Jake’s.

‘Very nice,’ she said in a neutral voice. ‘Although I must say I’m a little surprised-well, no matter.’

‘You mean you’re surprised that Jake wanted to stay with me?’ Kelly asked coolly.

‘If you like to put it that way. I don’t think anything about the present position is exactly what Jake would have chosen, but let’s not split hairs. We know how he hates to hurt people’s feelings.’

‘He does if he thinks about it,’ Kelly observed with gentle irony. ‘Jake’s kind-hearted and he means well, but mostly people’s feelings are things he stubs his toe on, and says sorry without really understanding what the fuss was about. You’ll find that out eventually.’

Olympia gave a tolerant smile. ‘Perhaps he’s like that with some people, but I-well, you don’t want to hear about that.’

‘No, I don’t,’ Kelly retorted with spirit. ‘Because if you’re saying what I think you are, I wouldn’t believe it. You have to take him as he is. He doesn’t change.’

Olympia gave the hint of a simper. ‘But a man does change-when he’s in love.’

‘Oh, cut it out, Olympia,’ Kelly said, exasperated. ‘You’re not playing to camera now.’ She spoke sharply to cover the little pain this glamorous woman’s words gave her.

Olympia descended from her pedestal. ‘Then, in plain words, it’s no use clinging to the past. I’m sorry, Kelly, dear. But the truth is the truth, even when it hurts.’

‘You seem to forget that I divorced him,’ Kelly said crisply.

‘But of course. Nothing else would have been dignified after he’d shown so clearly that he loved someone else.’

‘Which you denied.’

‘Certainly I denied it. Neither Jake nor I wanted my name bandied about. But the truth is the truth, whatever clever fictions he invented to protect me. Let him go, Kelly. We both know your marriage ended because he wanted to move on.’

Kelly drew a sharp breath. Out of the turmoil of bitter emotion only one thought was clear. Thank goodness she hadn’t told Jake her baby was his.

‘You won’t mind if I come to see him?’ Olympia continued sweetly. ‘Or, once you’ve got him here-’ her voice became teasingly theatrical ‘-are you going to bar the door and patrol the perimeter fence with dogs?’

‘The only dog in the building is my neighbour’s poodle, and he’s fifteen and spends most of his time asleep,’ Kelly said, refusing to be provoked. ‘Come any time you like, stay as long as you like, just try not to disturb me when I’m working.’

‘Ah, yes, you’ve gone back to school,’ Olympia said, wisely not rising to the bait.

‘College,’ Kelly said. ‘I’m taking a degree.’

‘Jake told me all about it. There are so many varied courses on offer these days, aren’t there? You can even get a degree in soap operas, I believe.’

‘I wouldn’t know. I’m studying archaeology, and just now I’m reading a particularly interesting book on ancient burial practices. There was this king who used to dispose of his surplus concubines by drugging their wine. They passed out, and when they awoke they were swathed in burial bandages and lying in a sarcophagus in a chamber deep underground. Apparently their cries used to echo for a week before they finally died into silence. I think it was a very ingenious way of getting rid of people. Can I offer you a glass of wine?’

Olympia declined, made her excuses and left.

Carl had agreed that she could skip his final lecture the following afternoon, to be at home for Jake’s arrival.

‘I’ll give you the notes, and we’ll have lunch in a day or so to chat about them,’ he said easily. But then his face became concerned. ‘Kelly, are you sure you’re up to looking after a sick man in your condition?’

‘Does the whole world know?’ she demanded, aghast. ‘I haven’t told anyone.’

‘The others won’t have noticed, but I have a sixth sense. Actually a seventh sense. I’m the third of seven children. All through my childhood my mother was having babies, and by the time I was seventeen my two elder sisters had married and gone into production. By then I was an experienced baby-sitter so they hired me. That’s how I earned money to take out girls.’

‘Too many girls, according to Marianne,’ Kelly said, smiling.

He grinned. ‘All those babies have marked me for life. I love them, and I’m great with them, if I say it myself. So-’ he took her hand and spoke solemnly ‘-if there’s anything you want to know, my dear, just call on Uncle Carl. Seriously-’ he reverted to normal ‘-if you need time off, trust me to understand.’

‘Thanks, but this time off is to see Jake settled. I’m hoping not to take any for myself. I’m not going to let this pregnancy make any difference to my normal life. Now what?’

Carl had let out a hoot of laughter. ‘Not make any difference? Oh, boy, have you got a lot to learn! Get out of here, and take as long as you need.’

On the day of Jake’s arrival Kelly was home by mid-afternoon, a little breathless from climbing stairs as the building’s lift was under repair. The phone rang as soon as she entered. It was Dr Ainsley.

‘The ambulance has just left,’ he said, ‘so Jake will be with you any minute.’

‘Actually, I’m a bit worried. The lift’s broken down and I’m three floors up.’

‘No sweat. The paramedics will bring him up in a wheelchair. I just called to warn you about what could be lying in wait. It wouldn’t surprise me if he went into a deep depression quite soon.’

‘But I thought that had already happened.’

‘Kelly, I have to tell you-you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. The way he’s been isn’t so much depression as shock, and the fact that he’s miserable in the hospital. Being in home surroundings will do him a world of good. He’ll perk up, and you’ll think everything’s fine. So will he. That’s the moment of danger. If I’ve judged him right it’ll hit without warning, and he’ll need you as never before.’

‘As never before is right,’ she said wryly. ‘He never really has needed me, or anyone. And you’re wrong about Jake. He’s a very strong-minded person.’

‘They’re the worst,’ Dr Ainsley told her, and hung up.

She had a cup of tea and tried to think logically. In a few minutes she would be sharing a home with Jake, while carrying his child. To all appearances their divorce had never happened.

That was what she had to fight, and she must do it by keeping her thoughts clear. She was not a wife, but a divorcée, a free woman, answerable to no man. The baby was off limits, and she was no longer in love with Jake. The slightly heightened heartbeat that she could sense was apprehension about what lay ahead.

She wondered how they would greet each other when he arrived. It would set the tone for the future, so, Hello, darling, was out. Nice to see you, didn’t sound quite right somehow.

Glancing out of the window, she saw that the ambulance had just drawn up. A last quick check of Jake’s room showed that everything was in place. By now they would have hauled a wheelchair up the stairs and she began to listen for the doorbell.

But it didn’t ring.

Looking out again, she saw the ambulance still there, but no sign of the occupants. Puzzled, she opened her front door just in time to see Jake turning the corner to begin slowly climbing the last flight of stairs on his own two feet. Behind him were a male and a female paramedic, making frustrated efforts to help him and being firmly snubbed.

‘I can manage,’ Jake growled. ‘Don’t either of you dare touch me.’

Kelly had tried to plan her greeting, but at the sight of him driving himself on, perspiration streaming down his deadly pale face, all her calculations went out of her head and she yelled, ‘Do you have no common sense?’

‘None at all,’ he gasped. ‘Never did have. Don’t you know that by now?’

‘I do but I tried to forget it. Silly me! Where’s your wheelchair?’

The female paramedic was holding it. ‘Here. But he won’t let us use it.’

‘Yes, he will,’ Kelly said grimly.

‘No, he won’t,’ Jake grated, reaching the top stair. ‘You see? I told you I was fine.’

‘You’re not fine,’ she raged. ‘You’re soft in the head. It would serve you right if you ended up back in hospital.’

‘No way!’ said the female paramedic with feeling. ‘Now we’ve got rid of him, we’re staying rid.’

‘I once thought the same,’ Kelly muttered. ‘It’s not that easy.’

At last they were gone and she could confront Jake, who’d made it to the sofa and was looking at her with the wry, sheepish expectancy that she knew of old. It meant he’d done something thoroughly insane and was hoping to buy his way out of it with charm.

Well, not this time, buster!

‘It’s a pity they won’t take you back,’ she snapped, ‘because if they’d have you, I’d send you. You had to be a show-off, didn’t you? You had to be clever. You had to be “Jake Lindley who’s never fazed by anything”.’

‘I just wanted to prove I could make it alone.’

‘Well, you couldn’t, so what have you proved? Only that you’re an idiot, and I knew that already.’ Now the dam had broken there was no stopping her. Words poured out as the feelings of outrage swept her along.

‘C’mon, Kelly,’ he said at last. ‘I know I shouldn’t have done it, but-’

‘No buts. I’m fed up with your buts. You shouldn’t have done it, but, no, it’s not good enough for you to be like anyone else. Big, glamorous TV image, but behind it there’s just a bird-brained adolescent. You ought to be shot.’

As soon as the words were out she clutched her hair, horrified at herself. She’d said it often in the past, half laughing, and he’d laughed back. But she wished she’d bitten her tongue out before she’d said it now.

‘I thought I had been,’ Jake said wryly.

‘Oh, no, Jake, I didn’t mean that. It just-I don’t know-’

‘It’s all right. You weren’t thinking. Welcome to the club.’ He managed a frayed grin.

‘Oh, heavens!’ she said wretchedly. ‘It was a dreadful thing to say, wasn’t it?’

‘It was so dreadful it was entertaining. I’d laugh if I dared. Will you please forget it?’

‘Thanks,’ she said, sincerely grateful for his understanding. ‘Now go to bed and let me atone by a bit of fussing. Or are you too macho to admit you need to lie down?’

‘Nope.’

She took his bag into the bedroom and he followed, sitting down on the bed and taking her hand in his thin one.

‘I’m sorry, Kelly,’ he said, speaking seriously. ‘If you think I’ll be too much trouble I’ll go back to the hospital.’

‘Hah! As if! You heard what that paramedic said. You can stay here but you have to behave yourself.’

‘Yes, ma’am!’ he said meekly. He dropped her hand, since she didn’t seem to notice that he was holding it.

‘Let me unpack for you.’

‘Thanks, but that’s something I really can manage for myself without collapsing. I don’t want to be more trouble to you than I have to be.’

‘Fine.’

She got out of the room quickly to hide the fact that she wanted to cry.

For a while she saw little of Jake. He slept long hours and was often only just awakening as Kelly left for her classes. At first she would make him some tea before leaving, but he discouraged her, insisting that he could do this much for himself.

Kelly was there for the first visit of the district nurse, a pleasant middle-aged woman called Emily, who changed Jake’s dressing, checked that he was taking his medication, made him comfortable, and stayed for a coffee and chat. She confirmed that he’d taken no real hurt from climbing the stairs.

‘He just overtaxed his strength, but he’ll make that up now.’

‘Is that why he’s sleeping so much? He seemed much livelier in the hospital.’

‘Partly that,’ Emily agreed. ‘Also he strikes me as a man who’s been on pins for some time. Now he feels more able to relax.’

Kelly gave her a key to the front door, in case Jake should be dead to the world next time. In fact he usually was, and for a while it seemed Emily saw more of him than Kelly did herself. Gradually he grew more wakeful. In the evening they would eat together, but he would return to his room immediately afterwards, and she had the feeling he was deliberately keeping out of her way.

She soon learned that her financial calculations were way out. Without Jake’s money she couldn’t have managed. They never spoke of this, but she knew he sensed it, and straight away embarked on a campaign to make her accept more. The battle was unspoken, but real, and since Jake was a canny fighter he won almost every round.

He’d never been the most alert of men when her needs and feelings were concerned, but now he seemed to have an extra sense that enabled him to head her off at the pass. She came home one day to find her kitchen adorned by an expensive, top-of-the-range microwave. He’d bought it over the phone and it had been delivered that afternoon.

He explained that since living alone he’d become used to microwaving his own food, and now there were several dishes that would be easy on his injured stomach and could be cooked this way. Soon Kelly had fallen in love with the machine. It reduced her cooking time to a minimum, made her crowded life manageable and, above all, it didn’t smell of grease.

Round One to Jake.

Round Two started with a visit from Olympia. She gave Kelly the barest greeting that courtesy demanded before vanishing into Jake’s room for the rest of the evening. When she emerged he was already asleep. Olympia gave Kelly a little lecture on not disturbing him and made a tinkling remark about ‘poor Jake’ being confined in ‘that little rabbit hutch’.

Kelly suppressed her rage until he’d been collected by ambulance next morning for his hospital check-up, then stormed into action. By the time he returned his things were in her bedroom and she had moved into the little room. When he tried to protest she silenced him with a look.

He retaliated by doubling the rent he paid her, sending the cheque directly to her bank account and getting Emily to mail it, so that she knew nothing for several days. Since she’d been overdrawn at the time she had no choice but to accept.

Round Two to Jake.

There were arguments on these occasions, but that was OK. Arguments she could cope with. It was when the surface was smooth that she floundered.

Superficially they’d settled easily into their strange life. Their conversations were friendly, yet each one was an individual effort, as though the ground rules had to be renegotiated every time. And that was true because they’d somehow never discovered the right tone of voice to govern their life. Without it, they couldn’t relax.

Their row on the first day had got them off to a good start, breaking the ice. Yet they hadn’t managed to build on it. Kelly didn’t want to bicker with him lest she say something else that was unforgivable. Jake seemed to have forgiven and forgotten, but she still blamed herself. That left only cautious politeness, which was terrible.

The solution to this awkwardness turned out to be sexual fantasies. Wild, exotic, uninhibited, mind-blowing sexual fantasies: mental orgies of erotica.

Not Kelly’s. The fight to keep her stomach settled was becoming the centre of her life. Her fantasies concerned hot, sweet tea and dry biscuits. Sex was the last thing on her mind.

But for Jake’s female fans it was different. Ever since his handsome face, shaggy, wind-blown hair and hard, lean body had first appeared on screen he’d received a stream of letters from hot-blooded ladies containing explicit invitations. It was a phenomenon Kelly had heard of before, and she knew in her heart that it meant nothing. Yet as a young wife, haunted by her failure to produce a child and uncertain of her husband’s love, she’d hated it. Jake had tried to share the joke with her, and been baffled that she didn’t find it funny.

‘It’s not the real me,’ he’d tried to explain. ‘I’m a disembodied face and they project their imaginations on it. I don’t meet them and I don’t want to. Darling, you’re creating a storm in a teacup.’

‘I suppose I am,’ she’d said, anxious to not bore him by making a fuss.

He’d smiled and patted her on the shoulder, evidently relieved that she was starting to be reasonable. But then he’d been unwise enough to add, ‘Anyway, mine are pretty restrained. You should see some of the-’ He broke off belatedly realising that this wasn’t the cleverest thing to say.

‘So you all sit around swapping notes,’ she’d accused.

‘Don’t make a big deal of something that doesn’t matter.’ Trying to be funny, he’d managed to miss his footing again. ‘Look, why don’t you answer them for me? Tell them I’m not available because you keep me on a ball and chain.’

That little gem had sparked a row that lasted half the night. As he’d grown exasperated, she’d grown scared. At last he’d said, ‘I’d better go out for a while, because everything I say just seems to make it worse.’

They’d never discussed it again. She’d suppressed her feelings for fear of irritating him, as she’d done so often over the years.

Now he was passing the time trying to answer some of the correspondence that had flooded him ever since the shooting. Kelly sensed that it was causing him problems, but didn’t particularly think about it until one evening when Jake was in the kitchen and she happened to notice a black lace bra falling out of an envelope on the table.

There was no jolt of anguish, such as she would once have known. Instead she felt only intrigued as she held it up. That was when he appeared in the doorway.

‘She’s a big girl, isn’t she?’ she said, considering the size.

‘I suppose so.’ He was regarding her cautiously.

Kelly glanced over the letter. ‘She wants you to do what?’ she asked, wide-eyed. ‘Oh, my, my! You are going to have a heavy schedule!’

‘Cut it out, will you? And who said you could read that?’

‘I just wondered why you were making such heavy weather of your fan mail. You’ve always taken fans in your stride. You smile and make jokes, and they go away thinking how charming and unspoilt you are.’

‘I’ll thank you to keep your sarcasm to yourself, ma’am. This kind of fan I couldn’t cope with.’

‘If you’ve made the tea why don’t you pour me a nice big cup while I get reading?’

‘No way! I remember the grief you used to give me about them.’

‘I used to make a fuss about a lot of silly things.’

He returned with two mugs of tea to find her sitting at the table, deep in pink scented pages. His sense of humour was reviving as it dawned on him that she wasn’t upset.

‘You’d hardly believe what turns that lady on,’ he said, indicating the pink letter.

‘Evidently you turn her on,’ Kelly mused.

‘But only in certain circumstances.’ He pointed to some lines on the page. ‘I don’t think we even have any peanut butter, do we?’

Kelly’s lips twitched. ‘She was probably planning to supply her own. Mind you, I’ll buy some straight away if it’ll help your recovery.’

‘Nothing these women want of me would help my recovery,’ he said, sounding harassed. ‘More likely to lay me flat on my back-’

‘Not “Passionate of Kensington,”’ she said, riveted by another letter. ‘The last place she wants you is on your back. In fact-’

‘Yes, I’ve read that one, thank you,’ he said, hastily snatching it from her. ‘She has a vivid imagination. I don’t think what she suggests is even physically possible.’

‘Not in your present condition, but after a few months’ weight training I should think you could accommodate her,’ Kelly said wickedly.

‘Get lost!’ He ran his hand distractedly through his hair. ‘It’s worse than last time.’

‘I suppose the fantasy is more exciting with a hero,’ she mused. ‘How do you answer them?’

‘With great difficulty,’ he growled.

‘Yes, I can see the problem. “Dear Madam, in reply to yours of the thirteenth inst. I have to report your suggestion impractical, owing to high price of peanut butter.”’

‘You’re finding this very funny, aren’t you?’ he said coldly.

‘I think it’s hilarious. You, a sex god!’

‘You won’t think it’s so funny when hundreds of rampaging women turn up here demanding my body.’

‘No problem. I’ll just tell them about your knock knees.’

‘I do not have knock knees.’

‘Ho, ho, ho!’

‘What do you mean, “ho, ho, ho!”? I do not have knock knees.’

‘They’re like a pair of castanets, your knees.’

‘May you be forgiven!’

This was better, she thought, remembering his silent despair when she’d first been to the hospital. Now he was glaring, animated, giving as good as he got. Another turn of the screw wouldn’t hurt.

‘All right,’ she said in a tone of concession. ‘I take it back. Your knees aren’t big.’

‘Thank you.’

‘It’s your legs that are skinny.’

‘There is nothing the matter with my legs.’

‘Oh, yeah? Why do you never appear on camera in shorts when you’re in a hot country? Because you know that the dreadful sight would reduce your fan club to one short-sighted little old lady. With or without fantasies. What does Olympia say?’

‘I do not discuss my knees with Olympia,’ he said through gritted teeth.

‘Why? Did they put her off?’

‘Of course not.’

‘But she has seen them?’

‘Yes.’

‘And she didn’t say anything?’

‘No.’

‘Probably the first kind thing she’s ever done.’

But he’d caught up with her dancing wits now and was regarding her with wry affection. ‘The hell with you!’ he said with a grin.

‘Really?’

‘Think I can’t see through you?’

‘It took you long enough,’ she jeered.

It was on the tip of his tongue to say he’d never seen her in this mood, but he changed his mind and announced he was going to bed.

He returned a few minutes later to collect his correspondence with as much dignity as he could manage, and after a brief tussle managed to prise the scented letter from her grasp.

‘Actually, Jake, it’s fascinating,’ she said, following him to the door, which he shut in her face.

‘I’m glad I’m contributing to your entertainment,’ he yelled through the door.

‘No, I mean it’s a sociological phenomenon. Carl’s into sociology, he’d love to investigate this. I don’t think he’s ever met anyone it’s actually happened to before.’

The door opened.

‘If,’ Jake said, speaking emphatically, ‘you repeat a word of this to Carl or anyone else, that day will be your last on earth.’

‘But his interest would be purely scientific,’ she said innocently.

‘Rubbish! His interest would be in making me a laughing stock. Now, you promise me-’

‘All right,’ she sighed. ‘Spoilsport!’

‘Do you mind leaving?’

But she had a parting shot. ‘Pity. It would have made a great thesis.’

‘Kelly, I’m warning you-’

‘Oh, go to bed!’

That was the end of the matter, for the moment. But the next morning she had the satisfaction of coming across him in a bath robe, studying his legs in the mirror, a frown creasing his forehead.

‘Checking your assets?’ she teased.

‘Checking the facts. And there is nothing wrong with my knees.’

‘Of course not. They’re splendid knees. I’ve always liked them.’

‘But you said-’

She gave him her sweetest smile. ‘I’m a liar.’