The Surgeon’s Family Miracle

CHAPTER TEN

BREAKFAST the next morning was a strained affair. Once again Doug had gone to enormous trouble, frying home-cured bacon, making pancakes, setting the big kitchen table with fine china, old and fragile. Lily looked across at Doug’s strained face. It was better than looking at the silent Ben, she thought, and there was enough tension on Doug’s face to make her concerned. Why had he used the best china? The kitchen was equipped with a dishwasher but china like this would have to be hand-washed.

She concentrated on this small domestic problem rather than let herself think about Ben. Ben was eating silently, while Benjy was watching him with a certain degree of speculation. The knowledge that Ben was his father was clearly of immense importance to Benjy, and he was cautiously reassessing the man before him for parental qualities.

All in all, it didn’t make for a casual breakfast.

Think about Doug, she told herself. Doug’s eyes were as strained as Lily felt, and she wondered just how bad his chest pain was.

‘Rosa and Benjy could take Flicker down to the river this morning,’ she suggested. ‘Ben and I will do the washing-up. You need to take a rest, Doug,’ she told him with a sideways warning glance to Ben. ‘You look as tired as I felt three weeks ago.’

But the elderly man was having none of it. ‘Don’t be daft, girl,’ he said. ‘You’ve lots of catching up to do, and if I know Ben he’ll be flying out of here before we know it.’

‘No, he won’t,’ Lily started, but then she looked uncertainly at Ben. ‘Will you?’

‘The chopper’s not coming back till tomorrow,’ Ben said. ‘But if I need to, I can delay it.’

‘That’s what you call plenty of time,’ Doug said derisively. ‘To get to know your son. If that’s all the time you have, there’s no way I’m taking up any of it.’

‘Doug, I’m really worried about your chest pain,’ Lily said bluntly. If he really was hiding pain…

‘I’m having no more pain now than I’ve been having for months. I read about it on the internet. It’ll be angina. My mother had it for years and she died when she was ninety seven.’ He managed a shaky grin. ‘She was hit by a bus then, so that leaves me twenty odd years of angina before I meet my bus.’

‘If it is angina,’ Ben growled. ‘We don’t know. You need to be examined.’

‘You can listen to my chest this afternoon,’ Doug said, so much like he was conferring a benevolent favour that they all laughed. But even so… Lily’s eyes met Ben’s and she saw her concern reflected there.

Ben really did care, she thought. He tried desperately not to, but he couldn’t hide it completely. Just as Doug couldn’t hide the fact that he hurt.

Rosa rose and started clearing away plates, looking relieved. ‘This afternoon you’ll be examined, then,’ she told Doug. ‘You’ve agreed before witnesses so there’s no wriggling out of it now. Meanwhile, I’ll do the housework while Ben and Benjy and Lily take Flicker to the river. You rest. That’s my final word, Doug, so no arguments.’

Doug opened his mouth to argue-but then thought better of it and gave a sheepish grin. ‘I can almost understand your reluctance to tie the knot,’ he told Ben. ‘See what you let yourself in for? Women!’ He flung up his hands in surrender. ‘Fine. I’ll have an idle morning, as long as you three spend the morning together. Promise?’

‘We promise,’ Lily said. ‘Don’t we, Ben?’

‘I’d rather examine you now,’ Ben said, but Doug shook his head.

‘That’s an excuse not to spend time with Lily and Benjy, and you know it. I’ve had this discomfort for months and it’s going nowhere. Stop your fussing and enjoy the day.’

So Ben, Lily and Benjy led the pregnant mare to the river. The day was fabulous, but Lily wasn’t concentrating on the day. How could she ever break through this man’s barriers? she wondered. And why wouldn’t he talk about his sister? His silence hurt, but if it hurt her, how much more would it be hurting him?

‘He’s never talked about Bethany,’ Rosa had told her. ‘So I don’t see how you can make him start now.’

They walked slowly. The mare was so heavy with foal that Ben was concerned. ‘Are we sure we should be taking her out of the home paddock?’

‘Rosa says a bit of exercise does her good,’ Benjy told him. ‘And she says the grass by the river is horse caviar.’ He thought about that and frowned. ‘I don’t know what caviar is.’

‘Fish eggs,’ Ben told him, and Benjy wrinkled his nose in disbelief.

‘So the grass tastes like fish eggs?’

‘There’s no accounting for taste,’ Ben told him, and grinned. Benjy was leading the mare, with Ben by his side. Lily was walking behind, watching her son. And his father. The likeness was uncanny, she thought. The sun was glinting on two dark heads. Ben had only brought a small holdall with him, but he must leave clothes here for he’d finally ditched his uniform. This morning he was wearing chinos and an open-necked shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He looked wonderful, Lily thought, and the longing she had for him, the longing that had stayed with her for all those years, surged right back, as strong as ever.

She blinked back tears. She was right, she told herself fiercely. She couldn’t marry this man. She couldn’t break down the barriers. By herself she could block out this pain, but with the marriage he was suggesting it would stay with her all the time. She and Benjy would have a few short days with him, but then he’d be off, over and over, intent on his life of drama. Putting her and Benjy out of his mind. Not letting himself need…

There was the crux of the problem, she thought. She needed Ben, but he didn’t need her. And he surely didn’t need Benjy. He’d taught himself fiercely not to need, and who could blame him?

‘Why do you like fighting?’ Benjy asked him now, and she stilled and listened. They were trudging slowly toward the river, keeping pace with Flicker’s slow amble. Ben and Benjy were at Flicker’s head and Lily was behind, but Ben may as well have been talking to her.

‘I don’t like fighting,’ he said. ‘But when fighting happens, people are often wounded. That’s what happened on your island. My job is to fix people after fighting. Or sometimes I go to where other bad things have happened, like tsunamis and earthquakes.’

‘My mama fixes people,’ Benjy said, following a line of reasoning yet to be disclosed.

‘She does.’

‘Are your people hurt worse than Mama’s people?’

‘I guess not. It depends.’

‘And do you get to see the people when they’re better? Mama says that’s the best thing about doctoring. She sees people when they’re sick and then one day when they’re better they come to our house and sit on our porch and tell Mama how better they’re feeling. Or the ladies come and show us their babies. Sometimes Mama even cries when she hugs the babies. Do you cry when you hug babies?’

‘That’s not what I do.’

‘I guess mamas wouldn’t come close to you with babies when you’re wearing your scary uniform.’

‘Maybe they wouldn’t.’ Ben sounded strained to breaking point, Lily thought. He wasn’t enjoying this one bit. If the helicopter landed right now, would he climb aboard?

‘I like you better without your uniform,’ Benjy told him, giving a little skip of contentment, as if his line of questioning had achieved the results he’d wanted. ‘But I need a picture of you in your uniform. Henri will think it’s cool, but it’s better like you are now. You’re more like a real dad now.’

‘Thanks.’

‘Can you kick a football?’

‘Yes.’

‘Can you swim?’

‘Yes.’

‘Will you swim a race with me at the river?’

‘I didn’t bring my gear.’

‘You can swim in your boxers,’ Benjy told him. ‘I swim in my boxers.’ Then a thought occurred to him. ‘Doug wears flappy white jocks that make me giggle when Rosa hangs them on the clothesline. But Henri’s dad wears boxers. You don’t wear flappy white things, do you?’

‘Um…no.’

‘Ace,’ Benjy said, satisfied. ‘Mama can hold Flicker and we’ll go swimming.’

‘Doesn’t your mama go swimming?’

‘Someone has to look after Flicker. She’s the mama.’

‘That’s not very fair.’

‘I’m happy to watch,’ Lily volunteered from behind them. ‘After all, Benjy can go swimming with his mama every day. How often can he go swimming with his dad?’

So she sat on the grassy bank, watching her son and his father swim, while Flicker grazed contentedly beside her.

Benjy swam like a little fish. Island kids practically swam before they could walk and Lily took it as a given, but she saw now that Ben was astounded by his small son’s skill. This was no splashing-in-the-shallows swim. This was an exercise in Benjy showing his dad exactly what sort of kid he had. He weaved and ducked around Ben’s legs, surfacing when least expected, doing handstands so his small feet were all that was seen above the water, challenging Ben to a race…

But Ben was a fine swimmer, too. They raced from one tree fallen by the river bank to another three hundred yards upstream. Lily watched as Ben started to race. She saw him check his pace and she knew he was holding back so Benjy could win.

She grinned-and she saw the exact moment when Ben realised Benjy had been checking his pace as well, but only so he could put on a burst of speed at the end. Benjy’s small body surged ahead and suddenly Ben was left behind. His raw strength wasn’t enough to compensate for the lead he’d given Benjy. Benjy surfaced, glowing, laughing at Ben and then calling triumphantly to his mother.

‘He thought he had to give me a head start,’ he yelled to Lily. ‘So I won.’

‘More fool him. Race again,’ Lily decreed, so they did. This time Ben didn’t hold back. He used all his strength and all his skill-and he only just won.

‘You beat me,’ Benjy said, growing happier by the minute. ‘Mama can’t beat me. A daddy should be able to beat his kid.’

‘Then stop getting better,’ Ben growled, but, watching him, Lily saw his sudden flash of pride.

And then shock.

Up until then fatherhood had been some sort of abstract concept, she thought. Sure, he’d been shocked to learn of Benjy’s existence and then he’d been concerned about him, but this was something else. This child was his son-this little boy who had so much life ahead of him, who had so much potential to be proud of. Swimming was one tiny thing but there’d be so much more as he grew. Little and big. Lily watched as myriad emotions washed across Ben’s face and she wondered how he was going to handle this.

She thought how she’d felt as Kira had handed over her newborn son to her six years ago, and she saw those same emotions reflected now on Ben’s face.

‘Now we can make sand bombs,’ Benjy announced. ‘Can you make sand bombs? Don’t worry if you can’t ’cos I’ll teach you.’

It was a day of wonders. Benjy had a father, a father he could be proud of, and he intended to milk it for all it was worth.

‘If you’re leaving tomorrow, we have to hurry up,’ he told Ben. ‘I can teach you to fish. I’m a really good fisherman. Can you teach me to shoot with guns?’

That was a discordant note, but it didn’t spoil the day.

‘I’m a doctor, mate,’ Ben told his son. ‘I might wear army fatigues but I don’t shoot.’

‘You’d shoot if you had to?’

‘I won’t have to.’

Benjy thought about that and found it was acceptable. ‘OK, then. Can you ride a horse?’

The only bad part of the day was the discussion that went on after Ben examined Doug. Doug managed to hold Ben off until late afternoon, but finally Ben told him if he didn’t submit then he, Rosa, Lily and Benjy would subdue him by force. Doug didn’t smile, which was a measure of how frightened he really was, Lily thought, and when Ben came out of the bedroom after the examination his face confirmed those fears.

‘Hell, Rosa, how long has he had this level of pain?’

‘I don’t know.’ Rosa bit her lip, looking suddenly old. ‘Six months that he’s admitted to me. Maybe longer. He only admitted it to me when I found him in the kitchen one night looking grey and sick. He said it was indigestion but I didn’t believe him.’

‘But you didn’t insist he see a doctor.’

Rosa swallowed. ‘Maybe I was afraid to,’ she whispered. ‘My dad died of a heart attack. To admit Doug has a bad heart…I just kept hoping you’d come home.’

They thought of Ben almost as their son, Lily thought. There was such a depth of emotion in Rosa’s voice. I just kept hoping you’d come home.

And Ben heard it. She watched his face and there were was an echo there of the emotions he’d felt that morning. He had a son, and now he had something akin to parents.

And a wife?

He couldn’t accept any of those things. She saw the tiny flare of panic behind his eyes and she thought there was no way he’d take this further. Parents, son, wife? The whole domestic catastrophe?

No.

‘There’s definite arrhythmia,’ he told Rosa, and Lily knew that once again he was seeking some sort of refuge in medicine. His voice was brusque and strained. ‘There’s something badly wrong. His blood pressure’s high as well. I’m guessing he’s had some sort of infarct-a heart attack. Maybe that’s what it was the night you said he was in such pain. He’s telling me the pain’s not so bad now, but he’s still uncomfortable, which means the pain before must have been awful.’

‘Dear God,’ Rosa whispered, colour draining from her face. She clutched at Lily. ‘You think…’

‘Ben’s not saying he’s going to die,’ Lily told her, guiding her into a chair by the stove. Benjy had gone to his bedroom to sort story books he wanted Ben to read to him that night, and she thanked God for it. The sight of Rosa’s face would have terrified him.

‘Rosa, how old was your dad when he died?’ Ben asked softly, and Lily nodded, silently agreeing with his line of questioning. Let’s get to the heart of the terror here.

‘Fifty-three,’ Rosa whispered. ‘Almost twenty years younger than Doug is now. He had pain, just like Doug, and there wasn’t anything we could do about it. One day his heart stopped, just like that. So I thought…when Doug started getting the pain…well, what can doctors do? That’s why I didn’t insist. He’s better staying here for whatever time he has left.’

‘There’s lots doctors can do,’ Ben told her, and Lily thought he really was a good doctor. Tensions forgotten, he was facing down terror with confidence and reassurance. ‘You must have heard of bypass surgery.’

‘Yes, but-’

‘No buts,’ Ben told her. ‘I’m listening to Doug’s heart and I’m hearing a heart under strain. I’m not a specialist and it’ll take tests to find out exactly what’s wrong, but I’m suspecting he has minor blockages. One or more of the blood vessels running to or from the heart have probably narrowed, to the point where the blood supply is compromised. Forty years ago there was nothing we could do. Now bypass surgery is so common it’s done routinely in every major hospital. Lily will concur.’

‘I concur,’ Lily murmured.

‘So all we need to do is get Doug to one of those hospitals.’

‘He’ll never agree.’

‘He has agreed,’ Ben said. Then he added ruefully, ‘Though not as soon as I’d like.’

‘How soon would you like?’

‘Now,’ Ben said promptly. ‘With pain like his, he’s a walking time bomb. But he’s refusing to leave until I leave.’

‘But you’re not leaving until…’

‘Tomorrow,’ Ben said. ‘There’s a Medivac helicopter in the area tomorrow. It was tentatively due to collect me, but I’ll radio them to pick us both up.’

And that will be that, Lily thought. He’d found an excuse to run.

‘You shouldn’t go yet,’ Rosa whispered.

‘I need to go. I was only intending to stay for a couple of days and I need to accompany Doug.’

Of course you do, Lily thought bitterly. The medical imperative.

‘Can I come, too?’ Rosa asked, and then she bit her lip. ‘But I can’t leave the farm. Flicker…’

‘I’ll organise for someone to fly in and take over,’ Ben told her. ‘It’ll be twenty-four hours at most. Then we’ll fly you out to join Doug.’

‘It’ll need to be someone who’s good with horses.’ Rosa was clearly torn. ‘Flicker’s due within the next week.’

‘It’ll be someone who’s good with horses,’ Ben assured her. ‘You know I inherited three farms from my parents. I still keep them as working farms and I have excellent staff on each. I’ll transfer someone here as soon as I can. When Doug’s recovered we’ll bring him back, and I’ll leave someone here to help as long as you need.’

‘Thank you,’ Rosa whispered, her eyes suddenly brimming with tears. ‘I think… Can I go and see Doug now?’

‘Of course,’ Ben told her. ‘But he stays in bed and rests until we leave. If he doesn’t then I call in a Medivac team right now.’

‘That’s fine by me,’ Rosa whispered, and fled.

Which left the two of them, facing off over the kitchen table.

She should shut up, Lily thought dully. She should say nothing. There was nothing to be gained by conflict.

But she was going to have to tell Benjy that Ben was definitely leaving. The thought of his disappointment made her cringe.

‘So there’s no doctor on the Medivac chopper?’

‘Sorry?’

‘You know very well what I mean. I assume the chopper will be bringing someone back to this district from the city. Is that what you meant when you said it’d be in the area tomorrow?’

‘Yes.’

‘Since when has the Medivac service carried patients without a medical team?’

‘I didn’t ask.’

‘You didn’t ask whether there’d be a doctor on board?’ She raised her brows in disbelief. ‘Maybe we can ask now.’

‘Doug wants me to go with him. He’s terrified.’

‘And so are you.’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘You’re falling in love with your son,’ she said softly. ‘For you that’s even more terrifying than falling in love with me. So you’re running. The trouble is… I’ll back off. I’m not sure Benjy will.’

‘He’ll be back on your island and I won’t see him.’

It was a gut response. He said it and then realised what he’d said. It was an acknowledgement of fear. An acknowledgement that he was putting as much distance as possible between himself and his embryonic family.

‘Coward,’ Lily whispered.

‘I’m not a coward.’

‘Rosa told me about Bethany. How many years have I known you, Ben, yet you never told me about your sister? You’ve been running since then?’

‘Rosa had no right. And I’m not running.’

‘You know you are.’

‘It’s you who’s refusing to marry me.’

‘That’s a joke. You don’t know what marriage is. It’s surely not waiting for you to drop in for a few days each year.’

‘Lily-’

‘Leave it,’ she said dully. ‘But don’t pretend to be hurt because I won’t marry you. You’re not asking me to marry you. You don’t know what the word means.’

They ate a desultory dinner-steak, cooked by Lily and not even close to the wonderful food Doug had prepared-and then Lily and Benjy went for a walk to say goodnight to Flicker, Rosa went to sit with Doug and Ben was left to his own devices.

He’d expected to spend that evening with Benjy. He’d thought maybe they could do something together-some sort of bonding thing, he thought, like taking a cricket bat and hitting a few balls. He only had tonight. He should be angry that Benjy had elected to go with his mother and talk to a horse rather than spend time with him.

But Benjy had watched him over the dining table and had made his own decision. Benjy had lost Kira only a few weeks ago. That pain would be still be raw. Maybe he wasn’t going to put himself in the position where it hurt again.

Or maybe it already hurt. Ben had been there when Lily had told Benjy that Ben would be leaving in the morning. He’d seen his face shut down.

He knew that look. He’d perfected it himself.

So…

So stay, he told himself as he walked out onto the veranda. In front of the house was the home paddock. Benjy and Lily would be there with Flicker. He could join them.

But his feet turned the other way. He walked down to the beach, found a likely looking sand-hill and sat and watched the moon over the water.

Out there was Kapua. Home to Lily and Benjy.

He could get there twice a year, he thought, or maybe even more if he made the visits brief. Whenever he had a decent leave, he could spend a few days with Benjy.

But he had a night free now and Benjy had elected to go with his mother. As Lily had elected to stay with Benjy.

‘We’re all protecting ourselves,’ he told the night.

He thought about the plan they’d made for the medical services for Kapua and the outlying islands. Lily could take over the role of medical director but there was another major position to be advertised. Director of Remote Medical Services-a doctor who’d be based in Kapua but who would take care of the outlying islands. He and Sam had listed the requirements for such a position. Emergency medicine. An ability to work alone. Experience in tropical medicine. And preference would be given to someone with a pilot’s licence-someone who in an emergency could take control of a helicopter.

‘Hey, I know someone who fits this,’ Sam had said. ‘Do you?’

Ben had ignored him. He’d had to. Because if he ever took a job like that, then every night he’d come home to Lily and Benjy.

So? Lily was quite simply the loveliest woman he’d ever met. Would ever meet. The way he felt about her was non-negotiable. And Benjy was great. Benjy was his son.

So why the terror? Why the ice-cold feeling that gripped his guts whenever he thought about taking things further? Committing, not to a marriage but to a relationship where Benjy and Lily were permitted to need him.

Maybe he should just jump in at the deep end. Try it out and see.

But if he failed…

He’d looked at Lily’s face tonight over the dinner table, and he’d looked at Benjy’s, and he’d seen the same wooden look of pain. He’d hurt them already. How much more would he hurt them if he committed?

He wanted Lily to commit.

No, he didn’t. He saw it now, more clearly than he’d seen it at any time in his life. Lily was prepared to throw her heart into the ring, and maybe so was Benjy, but didn’t they understand that he could crush it? If he wasn’t capable…

‘Coward,’ he told himself, but it didn’t help a thing.

Lily lay in the dark and stared at the ceiling. She was under no illusions. Tomorrow Ben would leave. She’d see him next when he made a flying visit to Kapua to see his son.

So what was different? She’d lived with loneliness for seven long years.

But now she didn’t even have Kira.

She hadn’t wept for the old woman. She’d stood at the grave-side and her face had stayed wooden. She’d felt wooden.

But now…

She wanted Kira and the pain she felt for the wonderful woman who’d been part of her life for so long was suddenly so acute she couldn’t bear it. And it was mixed up with the way she felt about Ben. She’d loved and she’d lost.

She’d never admitted to herself that she hoped Ben might resurface in her life. She’d even finally agreed to marry Jacques. But maybe that thought had always been there-that tiny flare of hope.

And now it was dead. As Kira was dead.

Life went on. As a doctor she’d seen grief from many angles and she knew that grief could finally be set aside.

But not tonight. The house was asleep. Her son was asleep. She wasn’t needed. There was no one to see her.

Dr Lily Cyprano buried her head in her pillow and she wept.

Breakfast the next morning was dreadful. None of them seemed to have appetites. Doug had refused to stay in bed but he was grim-faced and silent. He looked strained and ill, Lily thought, and even though it meant Ben would leave, she was relieved for Doug’s sake. Doug needed specialist medical intervention urgently. She even found it in herself to be grateful Ben was going with him. That must give some reassurance to Rosa. Rosa trusted Ben implicitly.

Maybe she did, too.

‘When will everyone be coming back?’ Benjy asked in a small voice, pushing his toast away uneaten.

‘Doug will be back here in a couple of weeks,’ Lily told him. ‘After the doctors have fixed him up.’

‘What about my dad?’

They all waited for Ben to answer that, but he didn’t. He concentrated on buttering his toast and Lily stopped thinking she trusted him implicitly and instead allowed anger to surge. She glowered across the table at Ben. Low life, she told herself, but it didn’t work. She couldn’t produce anger.

He wasn’t someone she could be angry with, she thought miserably. He was just Ben. A man so wounded by life that he could never make a recovery.

‘We’ll be gone by the time Ben gets back,’ she told Benjy gently. ‘But he’s promised to visit us on Kapua.’

That was something, but not enough. Benjy sniffed and sniffed again, heroically holding back the tears Lily had shed the night before.

‘Come out with me to see how Flicker is this morning,’ Rosa suggested, rising from her own uneaten breakfast and casting an uncertain look at her husband. ‘You’re ready?’

‘Bring on the chopper,’ Doug said morosely. ‘You’ve packed everything I could possibly need.’

‘While you cleaned the kitchen,’ she snapped. ‘He got up at dawn and scrubbed out the cupboards,’ she told Ben and Lily. ‘Of all the obstinate, pig-headed…’

‘Go out with the boy,’ Doug said. ‘Please, Rosa. You’re making me nervous.’

‘Fine,’ Rosa muttered. There was still half an hour before the helicopter was due and she looked strained to the point of collapse.

‘I’ll check on the chopper time,’ Ben said, and Lily knew he wanted the chopper to be there now. Just for Doug? Or was he running, too?

Of course he was running.

‘Lily, I need to run through what has to be done here while we’re away,’ Doug told her, dragging his eyes from his wife’s strained face. ‘If you’re to stay here until Ben sends help then I need to make a list.’

‘Fine,’ Lily told him. Rosa and Benjy went out one door. Ben went out the other. She stared at the closed door for a moment-and then turned back to Doug.

Doug had turned to the bench to find a pad and pencil. He lifted the pencil a couple of inches from the pad.

‘Oh,’ he said, in a tiny, startled voice, and he dropped the pencil.

‘Doug?’

Nothing. She saw his eyes focus inward.

‘Doug!’

By the time Lily reached him he was sliding lifelessly onto the floor.

‘Ben,’ Lily was screaming even as she broke Doug’s fall. She lowered him to the floor, taking his weight. He’d slumped between a chair and the bench. She shoved the chair out of the way with her feet. It crashed into another and splintered.

She didn’t notice.

Doug wasn’t breathing. She had her fingers on his neck, frantically trying to find a pulse.

None.

‘Ben,’ she screamed again. She’d been three weeks away from medicine but she was all doctor now. She hauled Doug onto his back, ripping his shirt open.

‘Ben!’

He’d heard. The door slammed open and Ben was with her, shoving the mess of furniture out of the way so savagely that the chair leg Lily had broken splintered off and skittered over the linoleum.

‘Check his airway,’ Lily snapped, and Ben was already doing it, feeling in Doug’s mouth, turning his face to the side as Lily thumped down on his chest.

Ben stooped and breathed into Doug’s mouth, then straightened. ‘Let me,’ he told Lily, and she knew at once what he meant. CPR needed strength and he had more of it than she did.

‘Do we have any oxygen?’ she demanded.

‘No.’ His hands were already striking Doug’s chest, over and over, trying desperately to put pressure on his heart as Lily gave the next breath. ‘Come on, Doug. Don’t you dare die. Come on, Doug. Please. Come on.’ His eyes didn’t leave Doug’s face as the CPR continued, strong and sure and as rhythmic as Lily could possibly want. ‘Please.’

Please. Lily couldn’t talk but she could pray, over and over. Please. She breathed and she waited and she breathed and she prayed and she breathed and prayed some more. There was a roaring overhead and it was the backdrop to her prayer, building in volume as she breathed and Ben swore and pushed downward over and over.

Please…

The door swung inward. ‘Doug, it’s the helicopter…’

It was Rosa. She took one step inside the door and stopped dead as she saw what was in front of her. Her hands flew to her face, her colour draining. ‘Oh, God.’

‘Rosa, is that the Medivac chopper?’ Ben’s voice was curt and hard, slicing across her terror.

‘Doug-’

‘Rosa, tell me.’ His order was almost brutal. ‘Is that the Medivac chopper? Yes or no?’

‘Yes,’ she whispered. Her face was as ashen as Doug’s and she clutched for the table for support.

But Ben would have none of it. Terror was an indulgence they had no time for. ‘Then run,’ he told her. ‘We need oxygen and a defibrillator. They’ll have them on board. Run, Rosa. We’ll save him yet.’

Rosa gave a gasp of sheer dread-and turned and ran.

There was no choice but to continue. Lily kept on breathing. She’d never done artificial respiration without an airway, but there was no hesitation. Doug felt like family.

It had to work.

Please.

Then…

At first she thought she was imagining it. It was the air she was breathing in for him that was making his chest rise.

But no. She drew back as Ben kept applying pressure, and she saw it again. Chest movement she wasn’t causing.

‘Ben,’ she screamed and he drew back, just a little.

And she was right. Doug’s chest rose imperceptibly, all by itlsef. A weak shudder ran through his body and his eyes flickered.

Then Rosa waas back, bursting through the door with a man and a woman behind her. They were dressed in the uniforms of the Australian Medivac Service. Rosa must have been coherent enough to make herself heard, for the woman was carrying a medical bag and the man was carrying a defibrillator.

But maybe, blessedly, a defibrillator wouldn’t be needed.

‘Oxygen,’ ben snpped, not taking his eyes off Doug. ‘We have a pulse.’

Dear God…

One of the newcomers-the woman-was hauling open her medical bag. lily grabbed an oxygen mask and was fitting it to Doug’s face before the girl could make a demur.

The man was carrying an oxygen cylinder as well as the defibrillator. he set it on the floor and Ben fitted it swiftly to the tube attached to Doug’s mask. he watched Doug’s chest every minute. As did they all. They had no attached monitor-all they could go by was the rise and fall of Doug’s chest.

But it rose and it fell.

‘Let’s get an IV line up,’ Ben snapped. The two newcomers ad obviously realised by now that Ben was a doctor-or maybe they already knew-and they’d merged seamlessly into a highly skilled team. There were now four medics and the right equipment, and suddenly Doug had a chance.

More than a chance. his eyes flickered open again and this time they stayed open.

‘Don’t try to talk,’ Lily said urgently. ‘Doug, you’ve had a heart attack, but you’re OK. You’ll be fine if you stay still.’

‘Rosa.’ He didn’t say the word but Lily saw his lips move and knew what he wanted. She shifted a little so he could see his wife and Rosa could see him.

‘She’s here,’ Lily said, and she felt like bursting into tears-but, of course, she didn’t because she was a doctor and doctors didn’t weep over their patients, no matter how much they felt like it.

But she looked across Doug’s body at Ben, and she saw exactly the same emotion on Ben’s face as she was feeling herself.

Doctors didn’t cry. No matter how much they wanted to.

And after all Ben’s conniving, the choosing of who would leave the farm today was now decided differently.

The two Medivac officers were Dr Claire Tynall and Harry Hooper, a nurse trained in intensive care. Claire and Harry took over Doug’s care with smooth efficiency, fitting a heart monitor, adjusting the oxygen supply, transferring Doug to a stretcher that could be raised onto wheels so he could be could be transferred easily to the chopper. There was space for one more person in the helicopter and it wasn’t going to be Ben.

‘I need to go with him,’ Rosa sobbed, and Ben agreed.

‘Of course you do. Lily, could you pack her some essentials while we get Doug into the chopper?’

So Lily did a fast grab from Rosa and Doug’s residence while they loaded him. Doug was at risk of arresting again. They had to get him to a major cardiac unit fast.

‘I hope this is all you need,’ Lily told Rosa as she ran to the helicopter to find Doug and Rosa already aboard.

‘Buy whatever else you need and put it down to me,’ Ben said gruffly. ‘I’ll be with you as soon as I can.’ Then, as Rosa’s face crumpled in distress, he climbed up into the chopper and gave Rosa a swift hug.

That was it. Ben climbed down again. The door slammed shut. The chopper rose into the morning sky. It hung above their head for an instant, then headed inland.

Ben and Lily were left standing side by side, staring after it.

‘It’s OK, Lily,’ Ben said, as if reassuring himself. ‘We did good.’ He reached out and touched her hand.

‘We did, didn’t we?’ she said, and her voice broke. She pulled away-just a little but enough. It was suddenly enormously important that she didn’t touch him. She was very close to complete disintegration. She’d seen deaths from cardiac arrest many times in her professional life, but today… Well, things had changed. She’d stayed independent, too, she thought, but Ben had come back to her and now her independence was a thing of the past.

But she had to find it again. She had to.

‘He’ll be OK,’ Ben muttered, as the sound of he helicopter faded to nothing. He shoved his hands deep into his pockets and Lily thought he looked as strained as Rosa had.

He loved these people.

‘He will be,’ she said softly, in the voice she might have used for a frightened family member after a trauma. He looked…bewildered?

‘I… Yes.’

He was more than bewildered. He was in shock, she thought, but she had to move on.

‘I need to find Benjy,’ she managed. ‘Are you OK?’

‘Of course I’m OK,’ he said, and he seemed to give himself a mental shake. ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

‘Because someone you love almost died?’

‘I don’t…’

‘Love? Yes, you do,’ she whispered. She held his gaze for a moment, watching what looked like a struggle behind his eyes. Had he not realised how important Doug and Rosa were to him? They were desperately important, she thought, maybe in the same way Kira had been important to her.

The aching void of loss slammed home again, as it had hit home time and time again since Kira’s death. But at least Kira had died knowing she was loved, Lily thought. At least she’d told the old lady that she was loved, and so had Benjy.

Had Ben ever told Rosa and Doug they were loved? Had he admitted it to himself?

‘You’ll see them soon,’ she said softly, and he flinched.

‘Sure.’ He shook his head, somehow hauling himself back under some sort of control. ‘I’ll…I’ll get someone here to take over the farm as soon as I can.’

Because you want to see Doug and Rosa, or because you want to leave us? Lily wondered, but she didn’t say it. She had to do a bit of self-protection here, too.

‘I…I need to find Benjy,’ she repeated. She needed to give her little boy a hug-mostly because she needed a hug herself.

The totally in-control Ben Blayden seemed somehow now right out of his comfort zone. He was staring ahead like he was looking into an abyss. And maybe he was even considering jumping. ‘OK,’ he managed. ‘Let’s find…let’s find our son.’

Our son? Lily thought. Our son? But he was already moving away. Questions had to wait.