The Surgeon’s Family Miracle

CHAPTER SIX

LILY didn’t see Ben all the next day. So much for Ben getting to know Benjy. Benjy stayed with her as she moved through the island, spending time with each of the traumatised islanders, trying to prevent long-term damage.

Normally whenever she visited island homes Benjy would dart off as soon as she arrived, blending with the familiarity of an extended family. But not now. He clung, listening in as the islanders talked through their terrors. He shouldn’t be with her, Lily thought. He needed urgent attention himself, but what could she do? With Kira gone, Benjy clung to her as a lifeline and pushing him away would do more harm than allowing him to stay.

She should stay at home with him. But who else would do this? These were her people. She felt like she was being torn in two.

There was nothing to do except to work on through it, so she kept on doing what came next, and by her side Benjy was stoic.

She needed to get her life in order, she thought dully as she and Benjy walked home at dusk. But how? There were no answers.

As they approached her bungalow she saw her lights were on. Often the islanders would come to her house if they needed her. Surely not more work, she thought bleakly.

She was so tired.

‘You can do this, Lily,’ she murmured, and pushed her door wide.

There was indeed someone waiting for her.

It was Gualberto.

And Ben.

‘Gualberto,’ she said, setting Ben’s presence aside as too confusing. Gualberto, as head of Kapua’s council, was a stable presence, a surety in a world that was no longer sure. ‘It’s lovely that you’re here,’ she told him, and she meant it. ‘How can I help you?’

‘It’s not for you to help me, Lily,’ the old man said gravely. ‘It’s how I can help you. Ben tells me you need to rest.’

She flashed Ben a look of anger. He hadn’t been near Benjy. So much for promises, and now to tell Gualberto she needed to rest… He was piling more problems on an elderly man who had enough to cope with. ‘I don’t,’ she snapped.

‘Hear us out, Lily,’ Ben said, and she bit her lip.

‘Go run a bath, Benjy,’ she told her son, but Gualberto put out his hands and tugged her son onto the seat beside him.

‘Benjy needs to hear what we’ve organised.’

‘I hope you’ve organised nothing.’

‘We’ve organised you a holiday, Lily,’ the old man said, and he suddenly sounded severe. ‘Sit down.’

This was so unusual a statement that she did sit. Benjy was on the chair by Gualberto. It was a four-chair table. That meant she had to sit by Ben.

She sat but she shifted her chair as far away from him as possible.

Gualberto smiled at the movement, as if he found it amusing. What was funny about it? Lily asked herself, and then decided she was too tired to care. She wanted them all to go away. She could sleep for a hundred years.

‘There’s a thing called burn-out,’ Gualberto told her, and his hand came across the table to grip hers. ‘Ben tells me you have it.’

‘Ben doesn’t know me.’ She tried to tug her hand away but she couldn’t.

‘Ben has organised for you to take a rest,’ the old man said sternly. ‘We’ve thought this thing through. We depend on you, and we’ve pushed this dependence too far.’

‘I don’t know what you mean.’ This feeling of being out of control…she’d had it since that first morning when the finance councillor had stumbled, wounded, through her front door, and it was growing stronger rather than weakening. She felt as if her body was growing so light that any minute she could float free.

She felt terrified.

Maybe something of what she was feeling showed in her face, for the old man’s sternness lessened. ‘Lily, you’re not to try any longer,’ he said gently. ‘After medical school you came home to work here, on this island, but as the outer islands have discovered we have a permanent doctor, they’ve been using you, too. Your workload has built to the stage where you can no longer cope. It’s taken Dr Blayden to show us that.’

‘He doesn’t know-’

‘I do, Lily.’ Ben looked concerned, as he had no right to be on her behalf. ‘Sam and I have been looking through the records of hospital admissions.’

‘You had no right-’

‘And we’ve talked to the island nurses. You’re doing ten clinics a week, seven of them on outer islands. You’re on call twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. The hospital is nearly always full because the islanders refuse to go elsewhere-why should they when they have you to care for them? You’re doing the work of three doctors.’

‘Meanwhile, Kira’s been caring for Benjy,’ Gualberto said. ‘And now Kira’s dead.’

‘Mama looks after me,’ Benjy interjected, trying to keep up with what was happening, and Gualberto nodded in agreement.

‘Of course she does. That’s what mothers do. But your mama takes care of all the islanders as well.’

‘She still has to look after me,’ Benjy said.

Lily heard panic and rose and rounded the table and tugged him into her arms.

‘Of course I do. Of course I will.’

‘Some things go without saying,’ Gualberto said heavily. ‘But, Benjy, your mother’s had a dreadful time, and we need to take care of her as she takes care of us.’

‘I-I don’t know what y-you mean,’ Lily stammered, but Gualberto was pushing himself heavily to his feet. He’d had a dreadful time, too, these past days, and it showed.

‘Lily, I can’t heal anything,’ he said. ‘But I’ll do my best. I know who Ben is and what he is to you.’ He looked at Benjy and back at Ben, as if confirming the undeniable resemblance. ‘There are many things you need to sort out, but one thing is already sorted. Ben is a good man. He is a good man, Lily,’ he reiterated heavily. ‘I know the men he works with and I know him myself. I’ve watched him work with our people in the time since he arrived and I tell this to you strongly-he is a good man, as Jacques never was. Maybe that’s none of my business but I have accepted his proposal on your behalf.’

‘Proposal?’ She flashed a glance of pure astonishment at Ben.

‘We haven’t paid you as we ought,’ the old man said heavily. ‘When you returned after medical school we had a subsistence economy. You agreed to work for a tiny wage plus a share of the necessities we all share in. That seemed reasonable. But now… Ben asked me if you could afford to go away for a little and I had to tell him you couldn’t.’ He grimaced. ‘Maybe we’ve been too afraid of what the oil money would do to us. Maybe we were too fearful of Jacques and his intentions. Regardless, what money we have is tied up in the short term.’

‘That’s nothing to do with-’

‘It is something to do with you,’ he went on, inexorable now he’d started. ‘For there’s no money to say to you go where you want. But there is an alternative.’

‘I don’t want an alternative.’

‘Listen, Lily,’ Ben said urgently and Lily subsided again. A little.

‘Ben tells us that he owns a farm on the coast of New South Wales,’ Gualberto said. ‘This is what he proposes, and I agree. There’s nothing there but a housekeeper and farm manager. Ben tells me there’s a beach, horses to ride and nothing to do. Nothing, Lily. You will stay there for a month.’

‘I can’t.’ She was staring wildly from Gualberto to Ben and back again. Were they out of their minds? To propose that she just leave…

And go to Ben’s property?

‘Ben will stay here to cope with medical necessities,’ Gualberto said, interjecting before the next obvious objection was aired. ‘Maybe he’ll join you toward the end of your stay, but not before. He says you and Benjy need space to be by yourselves. We all agree.’

She opened her mouth but Ben was there before her.

‘Think it through, Lily,’ he said urgently, his eyes never leaving hers. ‘I’ll organise the medical set-up here. I’m due for leave and I’ll take it as such, so even if there’s a crisis I can’t be called away. Officially Sam will stay on for a bit as well, and three of our nurses want to stay. With your people that’s a full medical complement.’

‘But…you can’t just do that,’ she faltered. ‘You can’t just walk in and say go to some farm I’ve never heard of.’

‘Would you not like to get away, Lily?’ Gualberto asked her, serious now, pushing for an answer. ‘Truly, Lily? In your heart?’

‘I don’t… I don’t…’

‘You do,’ Ben said. ‘You’re desperate for a break and you know it. Benjy needs time with you. Just say yes, my love.’

‘I’m not your love,’ she whispered, dazed.

‘Of course not,’ he said ruefully. ‘I meant…Lily. Just say yes, Dr Cyprano.’

‘A farm?’ Benjy whispered. He’d been trying desperately to keep up and he thought he had it now. ‘We can go to a farm, Mama.’

‘Just say yes,’ Ben repeated, and Gualberto smiled at them all and made to leave.

‘I think the yes is already spoken,’ he said gravely. ‘Lily, for the next few weeks you’re forbidden to practise medicine anywhere on this group of islands. We love you as our own but for the next few weeks you belong to yourself. Take your son and go. And now…’ He smiled, a world-weary smile that still managed to hold a hint of real amusement. ‘I’ll move on to the next problem, but I believe I don’t need to worry more about this one. I’ll leave you in the capable hands of Dr Blayden.’

Ben stayed on. She asked him to leave but he simply shook his head and started making dinner.

‘I can do this,’ she told him, but he shook his head. She was sitting, stunned, at her kitchen table while this big man in army camouflage took over her life.

‘I’ve found three casseroles in the refrigerator,’ he told her. ‘The one that looks best says it’s red emperor in spicy coconut cream broth.’ He grinned at Benjy, man to man. ‘Red emperor’d be fish? I reckon that’d be guaranteed to put hairs on your chest. How about it?’

Benjy looked at Ben and then cautiously at his mother. Then he tugged the neck of his T-shirt forward and looked down at his hairless tummy.

He glanced again at Ben-who grinned some more and flipped a couple of buttons open, baring his chest to the waist. Definitely hairy.

‘Like me,’ he said. ‘There’s a heap of fish and coconut cream gone into this manly chest.’

‘You’re mad,’ Lily said faintly, trying to block out the vision of a body any young boy would think was enviable. Though who was she kidding? It wasn’t Benjy who thought it was fantastic. She so wanted to…

No. She wouldn’t listen to her hormones, she told herself fiercely, while Benjy agreed that maybe he did want some of the casserole.

They ate together. Mostly they ate in silence, though occasionally Ben would direct a remark to Benjy, which Benjy would consider and answer with a monosyllabic reply. Ben didn’t appear put out by the lack of conversation. He attacked the truly excellent casserole with relish, then cleared away while Lily sat, still stunned, seemingly unable to move.

Ben’s farm, her mind was saying. No.

But… Get away, her heart was replying, and it sounded so desirable it was like a siren’s song. Where were earmuffs when she needed them? And as well as that…

Ben’s farm. That suddenly wasn’t her mind talking. It was her heart.

Ben could be there at the end of their stay, just for a little. Benjy might get to know his father. At the end of the time she’d come back here and get on with the rest of her life, but Benjy might have established a relationship. Which he needed to have.

This was crazy. She couldn’t leave. These were her people.

Benjy slumped in weariness almost before he finished his dinner. Trying her best to ignore Ben-she didn’t know what else to do-she carried him through to bed. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow. She gazed down at his small face for a long moment and then turned to find Ben watching.

‘You must let him have a break,’ Ben said gently. ‘You can’t move forward from this as if nothing has happened.’

‘You’re a psychologist?’

‘I’ve talked to psychologists.’

‘What gives you the right-?’

‘He’s my son.’

She drew in her breath, but it was as if she didn’t find any. Once more that disembodied feeling came over her, as if she was floating, out of control.

Maybe she swayed, she didn’t know, but all of a sudden he was right before her, lifting her into his arms, holding her against him for a brief, hard moment, letting her feel the strength of his body against her-grounding her-and then lowering her gently onto the bed beside Benjy.

She didn’t know how. She didn’t know why. But it worked. The awful dizziness faded and she felt the pillow soft and cool against her face. For one crazy moment she considered giving in to this man-doing what he said-letting him take a control she no longer had.

It was a crazy thought, but right now she didn’t have the capacity to fight it.

‘Do you know how close to collapse you are?’ Ben growled, and she thought about that, or tried to think, but things were a bit fuzzy. He was so…male, she thought inconsequentially. Nice.

Tomorrow she’d be sensible and tell him what he could do with his preposterous idea, she decided. Tonight… Tonight he was glaring down at her, concerned, and she thought how wonderful it was to have someone concerned about her. It was her whose job it was to be concerned about everyone on this island, and on every other island within boating distance. Now the tables were turned.

‘I’m not close to collapse,’ she managed, and Ben’s gorgeous brown eyes crinkled into laughter, the laughter she’d always loved.

‘Of course you’re not,’ he agreed. ‘You could run a ten-mile race right now.’

‘Maybe ten yards?’ she said cautiously, and he chuckled.

‘Maybe not even one foot from your pillow. You’re going on this holiday, my lovely Lily. I’ve set it up for you. The islanders have agreed. There are people to take over your work…Lily, have you ever had time off with Benjy?’

How could she think about that when his eyes were on hers and the pillow was soft and Benjy was warm against her and Ben was…Ben was there?

‘I don’t-’

‘That’s what I’ve been told,’ he said, and his smile faded. ‘Don’t fight me on this one, Lily. Tomorrow we’re putting you on a helicopter out of here. We’re taking two of our injured back to Sydney Central and then the pilot will take you to the farm. It’s en route to base so there’s no problem. Rosa and Doug, my farm managers, are expecting you. You’re to spend the next few weeks healing our son and healing yourself.’

Our son.

Lily gazed at Ben for a long moment. Our son.

She should resent the words, she thought, but instead… It seemed as if she was handing over control. That was something she’d vowed never to do, but now it was happening it wasn’t the void she’d feared. The lightness was with her again but instead of making her feel ill it suddenly felt like there might just be a sliver of joy in all this.

‘No argument,’ Ben told her.

How could she argue? She couldn’t even raise her head from the pillow.

‘You’re so done in,’ Ben said ruefully, and he knelt by the bed and touched her cheek with his forefinger. It was like a caress, a gesture of warmth and strength and caring. The feeling was an illusion, she thought, but for now she didn’t care. She’d take her comfort where she could find it.

‘No argument for tonight,’ she whispered.

‘That’s great.’ He sounded relieved.

She thought dreamily, Why was he relieved? As if she could ever argue with him.

But, of course, she could. She must. But not tonight.

‘I’ll argue tomorrow,’ she whispered, and he smiled.

‘It won’t help. But you’re welcome to try. Goodnight, my Lily,’ he said, and he bent suddenly and kissed her, hard on the mouth, as she remembered being kissed all those years ago. She should push him away. She should…

But she didn’t. The kiss lasted for as long as she wanted, a delicious, languorous indulgence in sensual pleasure that surely should have had her running back to her tightly controlled world. Men were dangerous. Ben was dangerous.

But not tonight. Tonight she let him kiss her. She even found the energy to put her arms around his neck, to hold his head in her hands, to deepen the kiss and to take what she needed.

Delicious, languorous pleasure.

She was almost asleep. It had to end, but when it did, when he finally pulled away, her eyes were closing on a lovely dream. Her world was right. Ben was there.

Which was a ridiculous thing to think, but think it she did and it pervaded her dreams. She snuggled against Benjy and she slept as she hadn’t slept for a long, long time.

And kneeling beside her, Ben kept watch over Lily and her son-his son-until his pager crackled into life, until there were medical imperatives and he could watch no more.