The Warrior Challenged

11

The morning light was gray rather than golden, and seemed to be waiting for me as an audience. My eyes couldn’t have been open for more than two minutes before the sound of rain came, heavy at first and then settling down into the steady mold of an all-day affair—and all night. I cursed under my breath in three languages, hardly looking forward to getting to the palace dripping wet and covered with mud to the knees. But then I realized it was a palace dominated by women that I was going to, and pictured the guard women standing along the corridors yelling at me for not wiping my feet, rather than attacking. The absurdity made me feel just a little better, enough so that I was able to think about getting up and taking a look out the window. There was hardly likely to be much to see, but anything was better than more of simply lying in those furs. I sat up thinking about trying to stretch gently and carefully, and that was when the door to my room opened.

“Go no farther, treda,” Hestin the healer said as he entered, carrying a tray, the words an order despite the calm quiet of his tone. “You shall indeed leave your furs today, yet not till I have said you might.”

I watched him walk over and put the tray down next to the bed instead of giving it to me, and all the annoyance and impatience I felt toward the weather suddenly had a new focus.

“And what if I should choose not to await your permission?” I asked as he gathered up pillows from the carpet fur, his intentions obvious. “I am curious to know of the manner in which you would force me to your will.”

“You will obey me without the need for force,” he answered, calmly setting the pillows on my bed so that I might lean on them. “You wore the bands of a man, did you not? The obedience your memabrak taught you will for now be given to me. Settle yourself among the cushions, and I will feed you. ”

“I would prefer to feed myself,” I said, not quite through my teeth, watching the way he barely even glanced at me. “I am not a child, and dislike being treated as one.”

“You are a wenda, and will do as you are bidden to do,” he said, his tone so matter-of-fact that it almost seemed reasonable. He was crouching near the tray and beginning to reach for a bowl, but as far as I was concerned he’d already reached the last straw.

Once, when I’d wanted to get Dallan away from me without letting him know I was doing anything, I’d brushed him with a nervous reaction, one that caused overwrought people to think they needed to relieve themselves. Just then I didn’t much care if Hestin discovered what I was doing, but I decided to see how long I could keep him going, so to speak, before he figured it out. I couldn’t open my shield without warning him that I was up to something, but I’d worked around my shield before and really did need the practice.

It had taken a matter of seconds to make the decision, and once made I didn’t simply brush the man the way I had with Dallan. I reached around my shield and sent Hestin the conviction that he had to relieve himself, leaving his own mind to supply a reason for the feeling. His hand had just touched a bowl on the tray, but that bowl never got picked up. His hesitation was so brief that it was practically nonexistent, and then he was straightening from his crouch.

“I must excuse myself for a moment, treda,” he said, looking like a man with muscles clenched tight. “I will return in no more than a short while.”

I suppose running would have been too undignified for him, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t hurry as fast as possible. As soon as the door closed on him and his strangely uneven gait, I grinned, then reached down for the bowl he hadn’t managed to pick up and made myself comfortable against the cushions.

The bowl held my old friend the thick, sweet, grainy mixture I’d first had in Tammad’s house, and I managed to eat about a third of it before the door opened again. I thought it was Hestin coming back, but the figure that entered was Dallan.

“Is Leelan the sole person in this house who has been taught to knock?” I commented as he closed the door and came closer. I had decided that taking Hestin on was just practice for what I would have to do that night, so I could look at starting up with Dallan in the same way. Dallan, however, didn’t seem to be in the mood to take offense.

“It was not my intention to intrude,” he said as he seated himself among the remaining cushions on the carpet fur, sounding as though he was intent on something other than the words he was speaking. “I thought perhaps you might still be asleep, and had no wish to waken you unnecessarily.”

“Unnecessarily,” I repeated, wondering what was bothering him. “And now that you find I need not be awakened, you wish to speak with me.”

“Indeed,” he said with a nod, finally raising his eyes to my face. “It has come to me that it might perhaps be best if I were to tell you why I have no wish for us to attempt the palace this darkness. When I became convinced that you three were taken and not merely delayed, I sought out a merchant from Gerleth I had seen here when first we arrived. The man knew me as I knew him, and agreed without hesitation to ride with all haste to my father and tell him of what had occurred. In no more than a short while we will have l’lendaa to accompany us, therefore would it be foolish to make the attempt alone.”

“In no more than a short while,” I said, returning the half-distracted look I was getting. “And what might be left of Tammad to be rescued, after that short while? Should Roodar and the Chama find themselves under attack by l’lendaa, will they not deem it wiser to rid themselves of embarrassing captives, Cinnan and Aesnil included? Or perhaps they will slay those captives out of spite, should it seem to them that the palace is about to fall. Do you truly think it best that we wait, Dallan?”

“No,” he growled, sounding nearly out of control, rising quickly to his feet again to pace around the small dim room. “To attack alone is likely to cost our lives, yet in honor we may do nothing else. Or perhaps I should say, I must do nothing else. You need not accompany me and shall not.”

“And in what way do you mean to best the Hand of Power without my presence?” I asked, going back to my thick whatever without feeling insulted. Dallan was talking just to hear himself talk, and we both knew it. “Leelan has told us both of that, has she not?”

“Leelan,” he growled again, staring out the window at the pouring rain, right hand on the wall, left hand on sword hilt. “Never, in all the days of my life, have I ever come across one such as she. She has refused to wear my bands, Terril, refused even to discuss the matter! Each darkness she comes to my furs and my arms, knowing me unable to refuse her, and yet she will not have my bands.”

“I have never before heard of a wenda being allowed to refuse a l’lenda,” I ventured, aching for the pain I knew was in him. Dallan had always seemed to prefer very free women, the freer the woman, the more he was interested. Leelan was obviously irresistible to him, but apparently she didn’t see it the same way.

“Leelan is a warrior, and cannot be done as an ordinary wenda,” he said, his voice thick with disgust. “When first I brought my bands out, meaning to close them on her, she informed me that if I attempted to do her so she would be honor-bound to face me over bared blades. Some custom of this accursed place forbids her banding, yet even this she refused to speak of. Her heart is mine even as mine is hers, this I know beyond all possible doubt, and yet she continues to refuse me.”

“Can there be another?” I asked, hesitant to bring the point up but deciding it was better said straight out. “She spoke to me once of the custom in which w’wendaa band their men. Can it be she has put her bands on someone, and cannot honorably reclaim them?”

“There are no others, even such as that,” he said, turning his head to give me a look that said to stop talking dirty. “She has assured me that no other stands higher in her eyes, and yet she will not have me. Should there be a child as the result of our coupling, she has said, she will send the child to me as is proper, and yet- My mind goes to other things as well. ”

Like wanting to spend the rest of your life with her, I thought, sharing every bit of his bewildered hurt. He was staring out the window again, as gray and wretched as the dark, rainy day, and I wished I could think of something to help him.

“It makes no matter to her that you are a prince of Gerleth?” I asked, just to be saying something while my mind cast uselessly about, and then that suddenly became a damned good possibility. “Dallan, perhaps that is the reason for her refusal. Her love of Vediaster is more than great, and she cannot bear the thought of leaving it forever. Were you not a prince of Gerleth, you might well have remained with her here. ”

“It cannot be,” he said, shaking his head against something he’d already thought of and discarded. “Leelan knows naught of me save that Gerleth is my home, nor has she attempted to suggest that I remain with her. She has given me her heart and her body, yet her soul she seems honor-bound to retain.”

I opened my mouth to say that that didn’t make any sense, but just then the door was also opened-by Hestin. He walked in and saw Dallan as Dallan turned to look at him, nodded politely, then brought himself over to me.

“It seems scarcely likely that I will permit your departure this darkness,” he said, crouching down and reaching for the bowl I held. “Already the streets are turning to mud, and the air has taken on a chill. To court illness would be an unnecessary foolishness.”

“Oh, absolutely unnecessary,” I agreed, reaching around my shield again, this time with part of an extreme fear reaction. It’s possible for some people to become so frightened that they lose control of their bowels and bladder, and it was this loss of control that I touched Hestin with. Not all of it, of course, only the urge toward the reaction, but the abrupt expression on his face told me that that was enough. He pulled his hand back and straightened in a single motion, turned away without a word, and this time broke into a hobbling run before disappearing. Dallan stared after him in surprise, but when he turned back to look at me the surprise was gone.

“And what would occur if I were to speak to Tammad of this once we have released him?” he asked, folding his arms across his chest in an effort to look stern. He obviously knew I’d done something to Hestin, and wasn’t about to waste his breath simply with accusations. I suddenly felt the definite urge to squirm where I sat, and that despite the perfectly good out I had.

“You may speak to Tammad of whatever you wish,” I said, leaning forward to replace the bowl on the tray. “It was he who informed me that I must decide for myself when my ability is to be exercised. I merely felt the need for a small amount of exercise.”

“Wenda, he has only your well-being in mind,” Dallan said, clearly referring to Hestin, the amusement in his eyes appearing faintly on his face. “To cause him difficulty for his concern would not be honorable.”

“I cause him only small difficulty,” I muttered, feeling more than ever like a child caught being naughty, paying a lot of attention to adjusting the cover fur on me. “He knows well enough that I shall do as I must, yet persists in attempting to direct me. Where lies the honor in that course?”

“We all of us do as we must,” he said, suddenly crouching beside the bed to take my chin in his hand and raise my face. “It is a man’s solemn duty to care for the woman of another in that other’s absence, to see to her safety and wellbeing even should she wish it otherwise. That Hestin demands your obedience is right and proper, honorable as leaving you to your own devices would not be. You cannot fault him for his treatment of you.”

“Can I not?” I snapped, pushing his big hand away from me with the quick outrage I felt. “And who sees to Leelan when she wishes it otherwise? Who is there whom she must obey? She is female just as I am; for what reason is she allowed freedom the while I am not?”

“Leelan is w’wenda,” he said with a sigh, his blue eyes trying not to show that patience-with—a-child look. “You, sister, are one of those who are not, you are one who requires the protection and direction of a man. Although the bands were taken, you remain a banded wenda, one who must obey in all things. It was not Hestin who banded you, yet must you obey him as well.”

I was just about to tell him exactly how obedient I intended being toward everyone in sight, when once again the door opening stole my opportunity. This time it was Leelan who came in, but she wasn’t alone. The people behind her formed a good-sized crowd, adding to my sudden feeling that the small room had recently been declared a transport departure area. Her face took on a very brief but very peculiar expression when she saw Dallan crouched near my bed, but by the time he’d straightened and turned, it was gone.

“Forgive the intrusion, Terril, yet there are matters which must be discussed between us,” she said, not even glancing again at Dallan. “There are those who have come to make your acquaintance, and they, too, have words to be spoken.”

“Perhaps it would be best if I were to leave, then,” Dallan said, looking at the group behind Leelan to find that it was strictly female. “Often a man is out of his depth in discussions such as these.”

“We have often found it so,” an older woman in the group agreed with a downright jolly smile, stopping to Leelan’s right. Most of the other women were chuckling or grinning and even Leelan seemed amused, so Dallan lost no time in bowing to them and then making his break. Once the door had been closed behind him, though, all the amusement disappeared.

“This is the one you spoke of, Leelan?” another woman asked my hostess, a woman as young as Leelan herself. Her feet were bare of probably muddy sandals, but her sword was firmly belted over the blue shirt and breeches she wore, and her frown of disapproval was set like granite. “Although rather disheveled, she would far more easily be seen as a rella wenda.”

“To purposely provoke one of unknown abilities is scarcely wise, Siitil,” Leelan answered immediately, surely aware of the way I had stiffened at the other woman’s words. After what Dallan had said I was about as far from feeling charitable as you can get, and hearing that the one called Siitil had poked at me deliberately didn’t do a thing to improve friendly relations.

“Perhaps we would do best to first make the girl’s acquaintance,” the older woman to Leelan’s right put in, her tone more firm than conciliatory as she looked at the younger Siitil. She wasn’t old by any stretch of the imagination, just older, and wore her own swordbelt over dark green breeches and shirt. She was smaller than most of the others despite the fact that she was one of the few who still had sandals on, and her long blond hair was just beginning to be touched with gray.

“With what are we to become acquainted, Deegor?” Siitil came back immediately, her eyes on me rather than on the woman she spoke to. “We were told there was one of power in our midst, one who was capable of besting Farian. Is it disappointment you would become better acquainted with?”

“Would I have called you all here had I not been certain, Siitil?” Leelan said with a touch of exasperation, her voice now more commanding than friendly, her eyes on the woman who continued to stare at me. “First you will do as Deegor suggests and become acquainted with Terril, and then you will be shown what I have seen.”

“Perhaps it is Terril who has no wish to become acquainted with Siitil,” I said before anyone else could put their oar in, reaching down to the tray for the goblet of juice I hadn’t yet tasted. “it pains me to be an ungracious guest, Leelan, yet do I ask you to take these others and go.”

“Siitil means you no personal insult, girl,” the woman Deegor said as she stepped closer, taking over for a Leelan who seemed to have run out of what to say. “She and Leelan have had a comparable loss, yet does Siitil have less of a grip upon her grief. She burns to avenge those who took the lives of her mother and father, and hoped to find the means in you. As she is unable to see that you choose to show us nothing of ability, she is understandably bitter.”

“Deegor, you say she chooses to show no ability?” Siitil pounced immediately, her rather plain face brightening with hope. “Your ability is greater than mine; what do you see?”

“I see a denial such as Farian is capable of, yet of a completely different construction,” Deegor answered, her eyes somewhat narrowed and faintly unfocused. “She is undeniably one with power, yet how great a power I am unable to say.”

“Have you truly the power, girl?” Siitil demanded, her stare turned blazing as it came back to me, her left hand tightened white around her sword hilt. “Should you have fully enough to decisively best Farian, I swear I will be one of those who cuts down the operating Hand of Power, though my life or reason will be lost in the doing! They will not be allowed to do you harm, and when you have bested Farian my blood will have been avenged! Now do I ask you in the name of decency: show us your power!”

In the name of decency. I sat sipping my juice as the young woman just stood there and waited, the burning inside her so bright I could see it with my eyes alone. I had more than half expected her to apologize when she heard I wasn’t a null after all, but that didn’t seem to be in her nature. What she’d done instead was swear to give up her life or sanity for me, if only I saw to her vengeance after she no longer could. I knew I was getting in much deeper than I could possibly handle, and for a brief moment I felt a clenching of fear.

“Withdraw your sensing,” I told her, suddenly feeling very tired. “You will not need to strain to know my power.”

“How are you able to know I—” she began, confusion making her look even younger, but Leelan’s hand on her arm ended the words. Half of the women there seemed to press closer while the other half drew back, and then there was a shared gasp in a small number of voices to mark the lowering of my shield.

“I knew you strained, for I was able to feel the touch of your mind on my-denial,” I explained, now able to spot the other touches I’d felt. Aside from Siitil and Deegor, there was another woman about Deegor’s age but stronger of mental ability, standing at the back of the crowd where I couldn’t see her. Hers was the third active mind and Leelan’s the fourth, and everyone else was watching those four.

“By the mother of us all,” Siitil breathed, staring at me now in an entirely different way, her expression close to one of shock. “The power—I cannot encompass it all!”

“Nor I,” said Deegor, her face pale although her mind was calm. “For what reason do you keep such strength behind a wall of denial, girl? Do you consider it unfitting for one such as you to share her mind with those about her?”

“I consider it unfitting to fall ill from the leakage of the Hand of Power,” I said, very briefly wondering what it would be like to associate on a regular basis with others of my kind. The thought was so unrealistic I couldn’t even imagine it, and didn’t have the time to spend on daydreams. “For what reason have you not challenged Farian?” I asked without more than an instant’s pause. “You or the fourth of your group? You each of you have a good deal of strength, and might well have had the best of her.”

“Are we to spend the lives of those who follow us on ‘might-well-haves’?” Deegor asked with a faint smile, glancing back at the momentary amusement of the woman hidden behind everyone else. I am a w’wenda and might well have risked it, yet my sister is not and she is the stronger. To be unable to raise sword beside those who follow you is a heavy burden, for it is more likely their lives which will be lost.”

“A consideration which Farian was untroubled by,” the fourth woman said, coming forward from the back to stand beside Deegor. “She, too, is naught of a w’wenda, yet generously spent the lives of those about her without a second thought when she took the place of Chama. I am Relgon, Terril, and I offer commiseration for your sensitivity. The-leakage-from the Hand of Power touches me but lightly, far too faintly to affect me as it does you.”

Her face smiled and her mind gave me welcome, and I had to smile in return when I saw that she and Deegor were identical twins. They’d kept apart as a sort of test, I saw, to find out if I could detect her presence without getting a clue from seeing her. That was before they’d felt my mind, of course, and understood that nothing short of a shield could have kept me from knowing about them.

There were ten women in the room, six of them older and four younger, and all of their minds were filled with excitement and happiness and eagerness. When Relgon finished speaking the rest of them started, most addressing and congratulating Leelan, who fairly glowed. They weren’t really loud and certainly weren’t boisterous, but suddenly Hestin was back, and you couldn’t tell that from his reaction.

“Why have you all come here without first speaking to me?” he asked in his calm way as he stopped between me and my visitors, his eyes probably just as calm, absolutely nothing like his mind. Inside he was outraged and annoyed, and I saw Deegor and Relgon wincing and sighing together. “This treda has been badly hurt, and now requires rest and care. ”

“Hestin, this treda is able to speak for herself,” I said to his back, feeling more than annoyed myself. “When I am weary and wish them to go, I will say so.”

“Such a decision is not yours, girl,” he told me over his shoulder, letting me see that his eyes really were as calm and easy as his tone. “You will eat considerably more from the tray I brought earlier, and then you will sleep.”

Hestin didn’t seem to hear the four gasps merged into one at the way my temper flared, but that was because he was being deliberately insensitive. He refused to hear anything that would interfere with his precious healing, but he couldn’t say he hadn’t been given the choice. Without even stopping to think about it, I touched him a third time.

Have you ever, for one reason or another, gone without food for a period of time? After a while it isn’t so bad, but the first day is unbelievably hard. Once the hunger pangs get going, all you can think about is food and eating. Visions of the best meals you’ve ever had rise up to haunt you, and you can actually see them and smell them and taste them. Nothing you do distracts you from knowing how much you’re missing and how much you want it, and it doesn’t take long before you know you’re about to starve to death. That’s Hunger with a capital H, and that’s what I gave to Hestin.

The big man hesitated when he felt my projection, not really understanding why he was suddenly starving, and made a sincere attempt to quiet the need and brush it aside. If the feeling had been natural he would have made it, but he didn’t stand much of a chance against the power of a Prime. Pure physical hunger grabbed him by the throat and stomach and shook him, but he really was a very strong man. Instead of attacking my tray and swallowing it down whole, he simply ran out, heading for the kitchen. As soon as he was out of hearing range, Deegor, Relgon and Siitil burst out laughing together.

“Ah, poor Hestin,” Relgon commiserated as the other two continued to laugh, her own amusement very much evident. “Fortunately for us all, Terril, even anger and outrage fail to bring you true cruelty. Although perhaps the healer would not agree.”

“What was done to him?” Leelan asked, having felt the surge of power without being able to interpret it. “Was he harmed?”

“Not nearly as badly as a woman in his place would have been,” Deegor said, still chuckling. “He was made to feel a great, overwhelming desire to consume all things edible in this house, and will be quite a while at making the attempt. He should not have given Terril such insult.”

“The fault was not entirely his,” Siitil said, momentarily softened by the seldom-felt laughter and enjoyment she’d just experienced. “He is a man, and men turn inexplicably strange when in the presence of a wenda such as Terril. His desire to have her obey him was of such a strength that even I nearly took insult.”

“The power of her is not only to be found in her mind,” Deegor put in, glancing around at her sister in amusement. “Also does the lack of a visible weapon affect men, as Relgon and I learned in our youth. There are few who are able to tell us apart, yet was she far more often sought after than I. In curiosity we strove to understand, and found that when she donned the weapon and I did not, it was I who stirred the interest. Men, it seems, have a great need to protect the helpless.”

“And what more helpless sight than a badly used wenda abed,” I said, finally understanding why I was having so much trouble. “Leelan, I will be greatly in your debt if you are able to provide me with a bath and some clothing. I have had enough of this lying about.”

“Terril, Hestin has said that you are not yet healed,” Leelan protested with a frown, her mind worried. “To leave your bed now would be foolish and dangerous.”

“And to remain in it would be even more foolish,” I countered, not about to be talked out of getting up. “Once before I was hurt in such a way, yet found myself quickly able to return to moving about. Hestin’s fears for my safety have affected his judgment, and therefore must his opinions be ignored. Will you assist me?”

She hesitated a very long time, her mind flashing this way and that while weighing everything involved, but there were too many reasons against her refusing. Three other minds and six pairs of eyes watched her juggle, and then she sighed and nodded slowly.

“Very well,” she grudged, not terribly happy about it but seeing no other way out. “You shall have your bath and clothing-provided you are able to finish the meal which was brought you. Lack of appetite indicates illness which may not be ignored.”

“With the prospect of bathing and dressing before me, I will happily finish the meal,” I agreed, meaning every word. Sitting around doing nothing isn’t designed to rouse the appetite, and that was another reason why I had to get up.

Once we came to an understanding, everything began moving quickly. Leelan took the other women to another part of the house, and she hadn’t been out the door five minutes when two women who were clearly servants carried in a big, wooden tub. Under normal circumstances I would have bathed in the kitchen, but with Hestin in there still stuffing his face, an alternate location was much more politic. I finished everything on my tray while the water was being brought in-everything but another serving of that thick, yellow, too-sweet custard—and then joined the water in the tub.

It felt so good to be on the way to being clean again that I had no trouble ignoring my aches, and had to be careful not to broadcast my pleasure. I sat cross-legged in the narrow, round tub, the water up to my breasts, my arms resting on the outside rim, my head back, my eyes closed. All the problems in the universe lose their importance and urgency in the presence of a warm bath, which is why meetings of state are held in formal board rooms around tables. If they all stripped down and made themselves comfortable, there would probably never be war again.

Much as I would have liked to take forever I didn’t have the time, so after just a few minutes of soaking I washed my body and hair and then got out to dry. One of the serving women was there to help me, and she flinched inwardly when she saw my right side. More often than not the tail of Roodar’s whip had caught me there, and the bruise was wide and colorful. For my own part I ignored it as best I could, and went to get into my new clothes.

Seeing the two serving women wearing imadd and caldinn but no bands-led me to expect something familiar in the way of wearables, but what had been laid out on my bed was an outfit like the ones my visitors had been in, breeches and shirt in light blue, with a pair of sandals on the carpet fur. For some reason I didn’t much care for the clothing, enough so that I hesitated in front of it, but then I realized how much more practical it was, especially in the rain. I was going to need every bit of help I could get that night, and that was the only thing to be considered.

Getting dressed wasn’t particularly involved, and the knots came out of my hair with less brushing than I thought it would take, so it wasn’t long before I was being led through the house to where the other women were waiting. Wearing breeches instead of a skirt-even breeches that were tight and rather a good fit-felt odd, but my attention was distracted from that by the house I was being conducted through. By everything I saw, Leelan had done rather well for herself, with a large, well-made and well-furnished house filled with more than just the two servants I’d seen. The walls, floors, and ceilings were wood and stone, dark, light, and gray, with enough touches of color from drapes and such to bring the color level up from somber to comfortable. It was clearly a woman’s house without being in the least frilly, but one part of it was faintly embarrassing. Leelan had male servants as well as female, and when I found myself checking them for bands, I blushed with embarrassment and riveted my eyes to the woman I was following. I hadn’t found any bands, but my unthinking stares had produced a number of grins and hums of interest.

The room the other women were waiting in was a large one, with curtained terrace windows all along the back wall and a big fireplace in the wall to the right. A fire was crackling in the hearth in competition with the steady patter and pour of the rain against the windows and also had the distinction of being the only light source in the dim, not-quite-chilly room. Leelan and her guests had made themselves comfortable on the dark red floor fur among blue and purple cushions, and just about all of them were holding goblets. When I appeared, Leelan rose and dismissed the servant, found a goblet to hand to me, then led me into the midst of still-excited and expectant minds.

“You do seem much improved now,” she admitted as she looked down at me with half a frown, gesturing to me to find a seat on the floor. “Your walk and movements are not those of one who needs to be abed.”

“You must learn, Leelan, not to give heed to the maunderings of men,” I told her as I sat, glad she couldn’t feel how achy I still was. “They have the ability to pester the life out of those wendaa about them, and for that reason must wendaa ever ignore them.”

“You have more the sound of w’wenda to you than wenda,” Siitil said with a faint smile while everyone else chuckled, her mind still very slightly put off by the way I looked. Siitil was more comfortable with plainer women, and if she hadn’t had a damned strong reason for staying, she would have walked out a lot earlier. “We must now speak of when the attack upon the palace is to be.”

“My attack upon the palace will be this very darkness,” I answered, sipping from my goblet to find that it held nothing but juice, something the other goblets were not filled with. I looked at Leelan and discovered that she was already grinning at me, her mind as firm on the point as Tammad’s would have been. I was up and bathed and dressed, but wine was something I’d be doing without.

“This darkness?” Siitil echoed in disbelief, her immediate outrage distracting me from my annoyance. “We could not attack this darkness even were we to begin spreading the word this very moment! Those who mean to fight beside us would be prepared, yet what of supplies to be arranged for, and healers for the wounded, and outer patrols to be seen to? The palace will not fall till we have entered it, and we will not find it possible to enter for quite some time.”

“I mean to enter as I left it,” I told her, sipping again at my juice. “Swiftly, quietly, and without notice I shall return, free those who are being held captive, and then withdraw again. The rain will do well in covering our escape.”

“The rain will do well in increasing your difficulties,” Leelan contradicted, leaning forward where she’d put herself on the carpet fur to my left, speaking above the exclamations of upset from the others. “A time of rain is ever a time of increased vigilance at the palace, for in rain one does well to expect attack. Also in rain are there a greater number of w’wendaa about, rather than out upon business of their own. Also, these captives will be held in the thrall of potions; how quickly and alertly will they traverse the corridors, avoiding all other living beings? How silently will they slip through the mud, making no sound for others to hear? How easily will you direct them all, and watch for unexpected attack, and defend against what attack does come? Your own escape was a combination of skill and fortune, Terril; to expect such fortune again would be the height of folly.”

She sat looking at me with her mind wide open, letting me see that she believed every word she said. The buzz of the leakage from the Hand of Power was starting to give me a headache again, but I made no effort to replace my shield.

“What fortune fails to come, I will do without,” I told her in a voice gone cold and unyielding, making sure I kept my mind from hers. “Should you and your followers attack the palace, there will soon be no captives to seek the release of. They hold one who means more than life to me, and I will not permit any to stand in the way of his freedom.”

“Terril, please, we do not mean to prevent you!” Relgon gasped, her voice low and ragged. “Please—the pain-!”

I looked away from Leelan in surprise, then gasped in shock to see what was happening. Siitil and Deegor were collapsed on the floor fur, crumpled and boneless and looking as if they were dead. Relgon was down on her back with clawed hands to her head, and four of the other six women were pulling at their collars or moaning and writhing, while the last two looked as flat and dead as Siitil and Deegor. I snapped my shield shut immediately, so shaken that my hands were trembling uncontrollably, and Leelan grabbed my shoulder while rising to one knee.

“What has happened’?” she demanded, fear and confusion shaking her voice like an earthquake. “Terril, what has happened to them?”

“The one you mindlessly thought of as a leader happened to them,” I told her numbly, feeling so sick I wanted to throw up. “You spoke of creatures as though you knew them, Leelan, yet you have never known a creature such as I.”

I put my goblet aside and pulled away from her hand, then got to my feet and hurried over to the fireplace. Behind me I could hear Leelan calling her servants in to help, and then their exclamations of shock as soon as they entered. It must have looked like a massacre to them, and that was exactly what it had been. I’d been angry at Leelan while I was arguing with her, so I’d been careful to keep my mind away to be sure not to accidentally hurt her. What I’d forgotten was everyone else in the room, all the others I wasn’t keeping my mind from. The flaring fury I’d been feeling had lashed straight out at them, and I hadn’t even known I was doing it! I went to my knees in front of the fire with my arms wrapped around myself, too cold ever to be warmed again. I really was a creature, a monster dangerous to everyone around her, one somebody ought to kill so that normal people could be safe. I knelt trembling in front of the fire, hating every continuing breath I took, wishing my sadendrak had already been freed so that someone could come and put me out of my misery. I couldn’t live with the burden much longer, not and continue to stay sane, not with the way it hurt.

It took quite a while for Leelan’s servants to get everyone back to consciousness or calmed down, to get the spilled wine mopped up, to stop trying to find out what had happened. Someone had suggested calling Hestin in to check the fallen, but Leelan had vetoed the idea and it wasn’t raised again. After a while I was caught in the hypnotic quality of the fire, staring at it while imagining I wasn’t different from everyone else, imagining I was happy and loved and really wanted somewhere. When the fire jumped and crackled into nothing but silence I didn’t know it at first, not until a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I came back to the room with a start, wondering if they’d already come for me, confused because it was still too soon. Tammad hadn’t been freed yet, but after that . . . .

“No Terril, do not stiffen so,” Relgon’s voice came, as soothing as the arm she immediately put around my shoulders. “We have none of us been harmed beyond an aching in our heads, and the fault, in any event, was not yours.”

“Then surely the fault was Dallan’s,” I said, looking into the fire rather than at the woman who crouched to my left. “Perhaps it would be best if he were sent for, so that all might remonstrate with him.”

“The l’lenda is also innocent,” she said, playing the game with a little chuckle. “The one who is at fault is my sister, and we all of us shall certainly remonstrate with her.”

“Never before have we known a power such as yours, Terril,” Deegor said from somewhere close behind me, really sounding ashamed and guilty. “It was not my intention to lead you to believe that the refusal about your mind was insulting to us, so that you would fail to replace it. One does not carry a supremely keen sword without a shielding scabbard, else is one likely to cause all manner of accidental harm and bloodshed. Had you felt free to again call up your denial, we none of us would have been touched.”

“And my lack of the least amount of control means naught, is that your belief?” I asked, wondering why they were trying to comfort me after what I’d done. “For others to allow leakage from their minds is mere lack of discipline; the same from me is unforgivable.”

“For the reason that you are so much better than others?” Leelan demanded, suddenly appearing to my right to look down at me. “Others are permitted error while you are not?”

“For the reason that I am so much stronger than others,” I corrected, knowing I deserved at the very least to be yelled at, but still finding her attitude difficult. “At one time I had control of what dwelt within me, was able to direct it as I willed, yet now—I will leave at once, of course, so that this cannot occur again.”

I lowered my head and tried to figure out where I could go, where I would find shelter from the rain until it got dark. I just wanted another minute in front of the fire before I got at it, but then I noticed that the people around me didn’t seem to be paying attention to that part of what I’d said.

“What control might there be of strength such as hers?” Siitil asked, almost in annoyance. “Even those of us without the power were affected by the thing.”

“And yet, Leelan was completely untouched,” Deegor said musingly. “And we must recall what was done to Hestin.”

“We must certainly recall what was done to Hestin,” Relgon said from my left, where she still crouched with an arm around me. “The healer was completely unharmed from her touch, and we, who stood beyond him, were no more than aware of what had been done. It failed to come to me at the time, and yet-for what reason were we not given what he was?”

“Perhaps Terril might speak answers to these questions,” Leelan said, sounding less angry than she had been. “Have you heard what was said, girl?”

“I heard,” I replied, taking a deep breath. I’d answer their questions and then I would go. “You, Leelan, were unharmed by my carelessness for the reason that I was aware of my anger and took care to keep it from you. Foolishly I had forgotten the others, and failed to take the same care with them. As for Hestin-for what reason should any other have been affected? It was him I meant to touch, and him alone. To touch others as well would have been—”

“Undisciplined,” Relgon finished softly while I groped for a word, everyone else standing in a heavy silence. They were reacting to what I’d said in a way I didn’t understand, and then Siitil laughed a short, incredulous laugh.

“She is able to direct her strength,” the young woman said, sounding as though she were trying to believe something too good to be true. “She is able to touch or keep from touching one out of many! By the mother of us all, she has the power of control!”

“Of all but myself,” I said aloud, although it would have been easier keeping something like that private. “And now I will take my leave to . . . .”

“Leave?” Leelan barked, back to being angry. “You would repay my hospitality by leaving us now?”

“What would be more fitting repayment?” I asked in confusion, finally looking up at her blazing eyes. “Am I to remain here in gratitude, and next time fell twice the number?”

“I believe there has been enough of such talk,” Relgon said briskly from my left, tapping my arm once before beginning to urge me to my feet. “It occurs to me, Terril, that you have most often found yourself among those without the power. Am I correct?”

“What has that to do with . . .” I began in even deeper confusion, rising from my knees at Relgon’s urging, but she shook her head and interrupted me.

“I have no need to hear further upon the matter of your terrible, conscienceless failing,” she said, still brisk and even a bit impatient. “We will all of us sit and speak in comfort, as those who are grown rather than as wailing children. Come this way.”

She began leading me to a place on the carpeting where clean pillows had been put, a place closer to the fire than the original one had been. I could understand that no one wanted to sit down again where so much wine had been spilled, but what I couldn’t understand was what was going on. The rest of the women in the group looked more amused than angry or frightened, and even Siitil seemed more impatient than anything else. Relgon wasn’t as big as Leelan but she was still larger than I, and I really did feel like a child among grown-ups.

“Sit here,” Relgon ordered when we got among the cushions, helping out by pressing me downward. “Leelan, I believe we would all do well with wine, to replace what was so unfortunately lost.”

“It comes now,” Leelan answered, gesturing toward the three servants who were entering. One girl carried a tray of goblets and another two filled pitchers; the third was a man, and he carried a single goblet and pitcher. The girls went to the other guests who were seating themselves, handing out goblets and filling them, but the man came directly to me. By then I knew what was in the pitcher he carried, but was feeling too down to do more than take the goblet of juice when it was given to me.

“And now we may continue,” Relgon said when the servants had finished and were leaving the room. “I have no doubt that all of you here feel as I do, yet must the thing be said aloud for Terril’s sake. What occurred here a few moments earlier, the pain and discomfort we were given-this occurred for the reason that Terril wished us ill, did it not?”

“Certainly not!” one of the women said at once, her outraged voice rising above the instant hubbub of the others to startle me. “Had she wished us ill, we would likely no longer be among the living!”

“Then it was done for the reason that she is inept, and should not be the possessor of so great a power,” Relgon pursued, also needing to raise her voice.

“Which of us has the choice of what power we will have?” Siitil asked with a snort of ridicule, swallowing her wine. “One does what one is able to do—and to learn to touch a single mind among many others is far from my concept of one who is inept.”

“Then this wenda who sits beside me is evil,” Relgon said among the murmurs of agreement with Siitil’s comments. “She carelessly gave pain and cared naught for the doing.”

“In no manner is she the same as Farian,” Leelan said from my right, her voice flat with conviction, her eyes filled with annoyance. “The pain she received was greater than what she gave, a clear sign of a sense of honor-most especially as what was given was accidental.”

“Then there was naught to forgive,” Relgon said, reaching out to turn my face to her and away from Leelan, whom I’d been staring at. “Those without the power, those who have no concept of its existence, cannot know the agony of its possession to one of honor. We, too, have at times given uncalled-for hurt to others, and have felt as you do. Had we not felt so, we would have been as low and despicable as Farian, a thing, happily, we none of us are. Are you able to understand, girl? To feel upset is commendable, to wallow in guilt no more than childish.”

She was looking at me soberly and directly, waiting for an answer of some sort, but I couldn’t think of what to say. She wasn’t condoning my stupidity; it was as though she were sharing it, and I seemed to remember hearing something along the same lines from Dallan about the guilt I felt. Back at the creche on Central I’d been taught that there was absolutely no excuse for using my abilities when I shouldn’t, and the memory of that training kept rising up to confuse me. I might have sat there for hours and days, simply staring at Relgon, but Siitil was too impatient to allow prolonged silences.

“I, for one, would be willing to forgive far more than an ache in my head at the prospect of possibly being able to retain my life,” she said, her tone somewhat on the dry side. “Do you believe I estimate the matter correctly, Deegor?”

“I do indeed, Siitil,” Deegor answered, gleeful enthusiasm moving her to a grin as she sat. “We must, however, confirm our surmise with Terril.

“What surmise do you speak of?” I asked, putting words to what a lot of the others seemed to be thinking. In some strange way I reverted to where I had been before the accident, and maybe even beyond that. Somehow I was beginning to feel as though I were one of them.

“It has come to us that one who possesses precise control of the power as well as great strength, will likely find it possible to save many lives,” Deegor said in a comfortable way, Siitil nodding in agreement. “In order to attack the palace, one must consider the three greatest obstacles to success: the w’wendaa of the guard, the abilities of Farian, and the Hand of Power on duty at the time. Farian herself must be faced only after the other two obstacles have been overcome, and although nearly half the guard are sympathetic to our cause, they may not be discounted. Should the palace be attacked, the Hand of Power will send fear and doubt to the attackers and confidence and loyalty to the guard, assuring a battle in which much blood will flow, for the most part ours.”

“We therefore came to the conclusion that the Hand of Power must first be slain,” Siitil said, taking up the narration while Deegor paused for a swallow of wine. “The sole manner of achieving this seemed to be a force protected against their output by a potion, led by one or two who were clear-minded and therefore able to lead. None of that force, you understand, would strike with the expectation of surviving. Those who were not downed by the Hand before they fell, would surely be done for by Farian’s guard. All save those who were taken by the madness.”

“Farian has taught each Hand to protect itself with an output of madness,” Deegor said while I stared at Siitil with chills touching me. “To face death is scarcely difficult for a warrior, yet the thought of madness-in which one would be left alive and forced to endure-forever, should one’s sisters fail to find victory- Suffice it to say that although there were those willing to dare such a fate, we others hesitated to allow the sacrifice.”

“And now such a sacrifice-to the cause of all in this city and elsewhere, to the cause of deposing Farian-may be unnecessary,” Siitil said with a sober happiness which seemed less personal than she had maintained it was. “To send one’s output into large numbers of minds is not difficult, not for the Hand and not even for myself. To send such output precisely where it must go, into the combined awareness of the Hand, with strength enough to halt their own output-would such a thing be beyond you, Terril?”

The question hung in the air supported by the silence of everyone in the room, buoyed up by the stares of ten pairs of eyes. Even before anyone could consider facing Farian the Hand of Power had to be knocked out, and I finally understood why Deegor and Relgon had hesitated to say they could best the Chama. To make people commit themselves to death or insanity on anything less than an absolute certainty would have been beyond them, just as it would have been beyond me. I listened to the crackle of the fire and the dull thrumming of the rain for a moment, then remembered the goblet of juice I was holding.

“The thing would need to be done just after a new Hand had taken its place,” I said, looking down into the juice before going for a swallow of it. “As I understand it, each Hand operates for a set amount of time before being relieved by a fresh Hand, therefore would the fresh Hand have none save those already drained by previous duty to call upon for aid or replacement. Their own replacements would not yet be assembled. ”

“You would pit yourself against a fresh Hand?” the woman who had spoken once before demanded above a new babble, her tone more confused than accusing. “We had thought to attempt them when they were nearly drained, trusting to upset and fear to keep the new Hand from forming.”

“And if their fear of Farian is greater than that which they feel for us—which it likely shall be?” Relgon countered, speaking to everyone. “No, Terril is quite right concerning the time they must be taken on, and yet- Are you certain you will find it possible to down all five of them, girl? Apart they are somewhat less than Deegor and myself, yet in concert—”

“They comprise a strength which must be overcome,” I interrupted with a shrug. “Those who broadcast must have their minds opened wide, else is such broadcasting impossible. If they lack the knowledge of the manner of protecting themselves at such a time, it should be possible to overcome them. ”

“There is a manner of protecting oneself during broadcasting?” Siitil asked in a small voice in the middle of the new silence which had fallen, sounding more awed than at any time previous. I had the distinct impression that she wasn’t really expecting an answer, and apparently everyone else thought the same. Before I had the chance to say anything everyone was talking at once, and that was only the beginning.

The eager arguments and discussions went on and on, not just allowing me to be a part of them, but demanding that I add my bit. Everyone had something to say and everyone else did their best to tear that something apart, looking for flaws in the plans rather than leaving those flaws to be found the hard way. Even what I occasionally suggested was attacked, and when I attacked one of Relgon’s ideas, at least half the women agreed with me. I had never felt like that before, a real, true part of something that actually wanted me to be a part of it, and I think it briefly went to my head. I argued and insisted and shouted down those who disagreed with me, and nobody minded! Oh, a couple of the women threw their hands up in disgust and called me a child, but that was actually better than having the others on my side. Even after what I’d done to them, they weren’t afraid to disagree with me, and that really made me feel I belonged.

“It h-as now become clear what our plan of attack must be,” Leelan said at last when most of the shouting was over, checking her goblet with a grimace to find that it was empty. “Shall we pause first for a meal, or come first to agreement?”

“Should we come to agreement, we will have no time for a meal,” Siitil said with what had to be endless impatience, already having given up on her own goblet. “Speak, Leelan, and then we shall go and do.”

“Very well,” Leelan agreed when almost everyone else nodded, ignoring the few grumbles, making herself more comfortable among the cushions. “The needs involved are not ours alone, therefore are we urged to now strike swiftly after having waited so long. Terril has brought us to the belief that we must indeed launch our attack as soon as we may, yet have we in turn convinced her that it may not be done this darkness. I believe the time has come to inform you that Farian herself may have set the thing for us: I have been summoned to the palace and must appear there upon the morrow, before the mid-day meal.”

Surprised and disturbed muttering rose up at that, and everyone frowned at a calm-looking Leelan. On my own I wouldn’t have known how to judge the revelation, but everyone else seemed to consider it more insulting than alarming.

“She means to name the one she will give you to,” Relgon said after the briefest pause, her eyes hard and angry. “And you, of course, will not be able to refuse her commands.”

“With all of you and half the city held hostage to those commands?” Leelan said with a snort, her own held-down anger clear. “She believes I have no choice save to obey her, yet I may indeed have a choice. We have agreed that to avoid a great deal of bloodshed, Terril and a small number of others must enter the palace first, before an attack is launched. Come the new day, Terril will enter the palace with me.”

“In the light?” I blurted, still convinced that any plans including me would have to be executed at night. “When my dark hair would be seen by all who looked upon me? I might well find it possible to cause them to pay no mind to what they see, Leelan, yet the drain on my strength . . . .”

“No, no, Terril, your strength must be preserved for use against the Hand and the Chama,” Leelan interrupted my protests, waving them aside and dismissing them. “Clearly you must be disguised and shall be, for such a thing will not be difficult. The question to be answered is this: are we to agree on that time as the one for attack, or do we require additional time which only the pledging of my word will secure for us?”

“A word which you will then be honor-bound to hold to, even should Farian fall!” one of the other women growled in disgust, strangely enough one of the two who had been completely opposed to attacking immediately. “No, Leelan, this puts a new light on the matter. You have sacrificed enough.”

“Indeed,” said more than one of the others, and I just couldn’t stand it any longer. I substituted my curtain for the shield, made the effort to touch their minds, and found that every one of them had made the same decision.

“We are in agreement, then?” Leelan asked as she looked around, her mind filled with relief and gratitude. “We will make our attempt on the morrow?”

“We will,” they all said aloud, completing some sort of formula or tradition, and then they all laughed. The agreement really was unanimous, which we discovered in the next minute.

“I, personally, will be most pleased to make the attempt on the morrow,” an unexpected voice rang out, causing half of us to turn around. Dallan stood just inside the room with Hestin to his left; none of us had noticed either one of them arrive.

“And in what manner do you believe you may join us, l’lenda?” Relgon asked, speaking when Leelan didn’t. “Would it please you to raise your sword with our w’wendaa? Should our intentions prevail, there will be few to raise such a weapon against.”

“I am honored that you would accept my sword among those of your own warriors, lady,” Dallan said with a bow before beginning to walk toward us, deliberately having used the word w’wendaa rather than l’lendaa. “I, however, am bound by a previous honor, one which demands that I remain beside the woman of my friend and brother. Where Terril goes, there, too, go I.”

“You cannot!” Leelan gasped, outraged, annoyed—and suddenly worried. “Your presence would alert the guard, Dallan, and even were you to be admitted you would not be allowed to walk the corridors without escort. The presence of an escort would greatly complicate our plan.”

“And should any harm befall Terril, my honor would be no more,” he countered, stopping to look down at the woman he argued with. “Would you ask me to compromise my honor out of deference to your need?”

All of the women suddenly flashed annoyed frustration so strongly that I could feel the waves of it through my curtain, but not one word was spoken in answer to Dallan’s question. He had as much as accused them of being ready to sacrifice his honor to their cause, and that was something most of them would not find it possible to do. Dallan knew that and had been trying to get at least one of them to say he could go along no matter how out of place he would be, but Deegor spoke up before anyone could put an irretrievable foot in it.

“The request of this l’lenda to accompany you is the least of the matters we have before us, Leelan,” she said, starting immediately to get to her feet. “We will now take our leave to see to as many of them as we may, and will send you word as to our progress. We will meet again before your departure for the palace.”

Leelan nodded with a smile as she, too, rose to her feet, and in another moment everyone was following suit. Deegor had momentarily neutralized Dallan by calling his demand a request, something he couldn’t correct on the spot without making himself look foolish. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t be a problem, but arguing it out with him could be done more easily without so large an audience. The women all said good-bye to me before heading for the door, and Leelan followed along behind them to see them out. I was drifting along too, listening to two of them making some afterthought comments on one of the suggestions I’d made, but the last of it got said without my hearing it. Just as I reached the doorway I was snagged by Dallan and Hestin both, one taking each of my arms, and the parade continued on without me.

“You seem to have been rather fully occupied, treda,” Hestin said from my right, looking down at me calmly. “In my distraction, it had not come to me that this would be so.”

“And I, too, had not realized that Leelan and the others would fail to dissuade you from leaving your bed,” Dallan chimed in, his stare from my left quite a bit more on the chilly side. “A thing which was done, sister, without the permission of either Hestin or myself.”

Each one of them had a big hand wrapped around the arm nearest him, and although they weren’t hurting me they also weren’t holding on loosely enough for me to pull free. I closed my eyes for a minute with a sigh, trying to keep my temper in check, then looked up at each of them in turn with the meager results of my efforts.

“I refuse to allow this to continue,” I stated, not only annoyed but embarrassed. “I am a grown woman, and will not be ordered about as though I were a child.”

“You are a grown woman who is banded, and one who was badly hurt,” Dallan said with an air of repeating himself for the hundredth time, adding patience-finally-wearing-thin.

“You cannot march about as you please, disregarding everything said to you.”

“And yet, what else might be expected of her?” Hestin put in, this time speaking to Dallan. “A treda such as she cannot be expected to behave with a full knowledge of honor, as witness her recent behavior. You blow your breath into the gale, Dallan.”

“What knowledge of honor do you refer to?” I demanded at once, stung by his slighting reference. “I have done nothing dishonorable. ”

“All you have done has been dishonorable, treda,” Hestin said in disagreement, bringing those calm eyes back to me. “A woman who has been banded by a man is more than merely his belonging, she is also the guardian of his honor. Her behavior is a reflection of the esteem in which she holds him, each action speaking loudly of her respect for him. Should she do as he would wish in his absence, she demonstrates her respect and upholds his honor before others; should she do other than what he would wish, she demonstrates the opposite. Tell us which you have done, treda. ”

“While also bearing in mind your-exercises-upon the healer,” Dallan said as I stared in upset at Hestin. “It matters not that you were made responsible for your own actions as regards your power; were Tammad to appear this moment at Leelan’s door and be told all of which has occurred, what would be done with you?”

I turned my head to look up at Dallan, knowing exactly what Tammad would do, but the question wasn’t fair. If Tammad had been there, I wouldn’t have had to do any of what I’d done. Beginning to feel trapped, I looked back at Hestin.

“I am a living being, an individual, not merely a reflection,” I told the man, trying to keep from sounding cornered. “My actions are my own, and speak of none save myself.”

“With one who is banded, that cannot be,” he denied again, refusing to give an inch. “Were your memabrak to go out, draw his sword, then begin wantonly slaying the helpless, would you not be horribly shamed? In no manner would you be able to halt him, yet would you continue to be enclosed in the bands of such a one. At the moment your memabrak is unable to halt you—and your lack of obedience would surely fill him with shame. Although I have never met him, I feel sure this is so. Do you believe me mistaken?”

I wanted to scream and throw something at the man who stared down at me so calmly, but screaming would have given them both too much satisfaction, and there was nothing in reach to throw. I didn’t have to turn my head again to know Dallan was also staring at me, and then I got an idea for a final shot.

“Perhaps you have both failed to notice that I am, at the moment, unbanded,” I pointed out, abruptly feeling considerably better. “Perhaps what you say would be true were Tammad’s bands still closed upon me, and yet they are not. I stand now as any other woman in this city, unbanded and accountable for her own actions, serenely and completely alone. And my next action, I believe, will be the finding of a large cup of wine to drink.”

I started to take a step between them, certain they would have to let me go, but I’d obviously forgotten for a moment what Rimilian males were like. Their hands tightened very slightly on my arms, and I was pulled back to where I’d been standing.

“Terril, I am aware of the reason your understanding is incomplete,” Dallan said very seriously, “yet does that understanding fail to alter the fact that it is indeed incomplete. You must know that to be without bands is not the same as to be unbanded.”

“Indeed,” said Hestin, nodding soberly. “I am told you are five-banded by your memabrak, a sign to all of the strength of his feelings. When the fifth band was put upon you, treda, was it not done with the rite of five-banding? Does that rite not continue in force, having failed to be renounced by the one who spoke it? Were the bands not taken from you by someone other than he?”

“And do you not now labor to return to his side?” Dallan finished up, the final link in the anchor they were hooking me to. “You are thoroughly banded, sister, with bands or without.”

They were both staring at me again, waiting patiently for their words to sink in, but all I felt was furious. It wasn’t fair trapping me like that, with roundabout alien ideas.

“I have no wish to obey you!” I told them both, glaring at them in turn and stamping a foot. “You cannot make me obey you!”

“No, wenda, we cannot make you obey,” Dallan agreed with a lot of satisfaction, putting his arm around my shoulders while Hestin released his hold. “You power is far too great for us to overcome, yet is there now no need to overcome it. You will obey us, for that is the only thing you may, in honor, do. Come.”

He headed me out of the room by the arm around my shoulders, Hestin following just behind, and their combined satisfaction was so heavy it set my teeth on edge. I didn’t want to listen to them, I didn’t, but that monstrous disease called honor wasn’t giving me a choice.

It didn’t take long to reach my small room at the back of the house, what had probably originally been decided on as a good hideout room. Dallan and Hestin hustled me inside, then Hestin pointed to my bed.

“Remove your clothing and then return yourself there, treda,” he said, his eyes now more impatient than calm. “That you have been so long away from it is outrageous.”

“You will, of course, grant me privacy the while I do so,” I said in resignation, reflecting glumly that at least the time could be used to try thinking my way out of the trap. Hestin’s definition of outrageous and mine didn’t quite come together.

“You have spent your privacy upon other things, girl child,” the healer answered, his voice calm and even but absolutely inflexible. “Do now as you were told.”

I looked up at him immediately, reaching to his mind at the same time, and had no trouble at all discovering that I was being punished. I had gone my own way when I should have been listening to him or Dallan, and now I would pay for it. I tried to maintain an air of furious dignity while I reached down to untie my sandals then took my shirt and breeches off, but furious embarrassment was what it turned into. They both had their eyes glued to me to add to my punishment, and I couldn’t climb back into bed fast enough.

“And there you will remain for the while,” Hestin said as I quickly pulled the cover fur over me, his mind filled with a sense of justice. “A meal will soon be brought here to you, and then I will examine you.”

He and Dallan went then to seat themselves on the carpet fur among the cushions, and I turned all the way over to my left so that I didn’t have to look at them. Both the fur I lay on and the covering fur were fresh, replacing the ones that had been too full of the smell of salve and pain, but that didn’t do as much as it should have to comfort me. The bed the furs covered was made up of two very large cushions, one on top of the other, different from the piles of furs used in Grelana and Gerleth but normally just as comfortable. Right then the most comfortable bed in the Amalgamation wouldn’t have helped, and not only because of the way my back was throbbing. Once again I was being punished by Rimilian men, and I didn’t need any of my abilities to tell me that I hadn’t had the last of it.

A very short time later there was a knock at the door, which was my lunch tray being delivered by one of the servants. Dallan was the one who took it and brought it over to me, and was also the one who fed me what was on it. I hated being fed like that, as though I couldn’t be trusted to do it myself and get it right, but I was still being punished. Dallan’s mind hummed as he fed me, his blue eyes unmoving from my face, and that made it horribly worse.

When I had swallowed the last of the juice and handed back the goblet that had been given me. I looked up to find that Hestin was waiting his turn. I was made to lie back and the cover fur was taken from me, and then those hands were touching me and that mind was deep in the work it loved best. Only a few minutes went by before I was told to turn over, and then another few minutes passed in silence. I was too distracted and upset to notice the quality of that silence and, before I did, it was broken.

“Clearly I must now admit that I have come upon something beyond my understanding,” Hestin muttered, almost to himself. “It cannot be, and yet it most certainly is.”

“What disturbs you?” Dallan asked from the place he’d reclaimed among the cushions, his voice both puzzled and concerned. “Has she done that great an amount of harm to herself?”

“You speak the very point that disturbs me, man,” Hestin answered, turning his head to look at Dallan. “Although she is weary from having been up and about after so long a time spent unmoving, she has not been done harm. On the contrary, despite the discomfort she feels, she is nearly well. Such a thing simply cannot be.”

“For what reason do you find it unacceptable?” Dallan asked, brightening at the good news even as I turned my own head to look at Hestin with the same question in my mind. “Should we not be pleased that she is nearly beyond the harm given her?”

“Indeed,” Hestin nodded in agreement, “and yet it has been no more than three days. How might she be beyond the whippings she was given in no more than three days?”

Dallan blinked at the healer without answering his question, most of the pleasure gone from his face, but I didn’t understand what the problem was.

“For what reason should I not be nearly well in three days?” I asked, keeping myself flat but raised up on my elbows. “It was surely no longer than that the last instance.”

“The last instance?” Hestin replied with a frown, now even more disturbed. “This has occurred a previous time?”

“I was whipped by those called Hamarda, and then escaped them,” I said, shrugging as best I could. “I fled across the desert for perhaps a day, and then was found by those who took me in. When I awoke, two days later, Dallan was there beside me. I was then no more badly taken than I now am.”

“She speaks the truth,” Dallan confirmed, his mind showing relief that I hadn’t said why he’d been there when I awoke, but his face was frowning and so was Hestin’s. “I knew at the time she had not awakened in two days, yet I took that as the results of exhaustion—and thought that the whipping she had been given had been administered some time in the past. I had not known it had been no more than three days earlier.”

“One does not recover from such a thing in as little as three days,” Hestin said again, taking a pouch of salve from his gray robe. “Even with the aid of this salve. A man, perhaps, might move about despite the pain, yet would even he be far from true recovery.”

“Indeed,” Dallan said faintly and feelingly, his eyes showing that he remembered his own recovery time after the incident in the resting place of the Sword of Gerleth . “Even a man would not recover quite so quickly. You saw her when I first brought her here, and you see her now. What think you?”

“Can there be more than one thought to occur?” Hestin said, and this time the shrug was his. “The treda has the true power, and was able to heal herself.”

Dallan and I both stared at him, but my stare had a groaning, “Oh, no!” behind it. All I needed was another new ability, no matter how useful it had turned out to be! But then it came to me that it wasn’t new, and couldn’t be if it had worked once before as far back as my escape from the Hamarda. That was long before the battle in the resting place of the Sword, so it had to be something I’d had all along. But if I’d had it, why hadn’t I known about it? I found myself staring down at the arms I was resting on, for once more puzzled than upset. If empaths also had the power of healing, why didn’t anyone know about it? I didn’t for a minute believe that I was the only one; somehow, I knew better. So, if I wasn’t the only one, why hadn’t anyone said anything?

“The woman continues to be an unending surprise,” Dallan said at last with a sigh, sounding no more than the least bit put-upon. “Tammad, however, will be greatly pleased, to know that his wenda shall be able to heal what her precipitate actions so often bring her.”

“A thought has just occurred to me,” I said as Hestin chuckled his agreement with Dallan, turning my head to look at the healer again. “As I am no longer in danger of harming myself, I no longer need to remain in this bed. Is that not so?”

My question to Hestin was as innocent as possible, a good girl asking permission before she got up. I was sure he couldn’t justify keeping me under his thumb any longer, and I was right; the point I had missed again was that he didn’t have to justify it.

“You are completely correct, treda,” he answered, his light eyes calm—and very faintly amused. “I believe, however, that a nap will do you little harm, therefore shall you have one. To strengthen you even more against what will need to be faced come the new light, you understand.”

“But I have no wish for a nap,” I said through my teeth as he smiled at me, this time Dallan chuckling in agreement. “You now use your authority over me in an arbitrary manner, a thing my memabrak would not approve of. I need not remain in this bed and shall not!”

“Ah, but you shall, wenda,” Dallan jumped in to add to the fun, leaning forward where he sat. “Above all things, Tammad would wish you to be obedient, no matter whether the command be arbitrary or to a purpose. Should he find, when he returns, that you have indeed been done as you should not have been, it will then be a matter for him to see to. Do you wish to attempt to deny this?”

“What good would it do me, you overgrown lap cat,” I muttered, glaring at the man who dared to call himself my brother. I was so angry I wanted to spit, but all I could do was mutter an insult—and in Centran, at that.

“I take it you have no interest in denying the truth,” Dallan said, his attitude bland with the knowledge that I wasn’t about to insult him openly, thereby giving him something good to go to Tammad with. “Had it truly been our wish to give you difficulty, wenda, the thing might much more easily—and pleasantly-have been done.”

“What more might you do to me than hold me prisoner to your whim?” I demanded, even more outraged that he would dare to pat himself .on the back for being a good guy. “You would not attempt to beat me, I know, for in such an instance I would defend myself without hesitation just as Tammad would expect me to. What other thing do you believe you might do?”

Rather than answer immediately, Dallan got to his feet, a small smile of amusement on his face, and came close to my bed to crouch down beside it. With him that near the hum in his mind was much clearer even with my curtain in place, and suddenly I remembered that I lay there stark naked. Granted I was belly down and my arms more or less hid my breasts, but that wasn’t the point. With Rimilian men it wasn’t being naked in front of them that was upsetting to a woman; it was knowing what they were all too likely to do if their interest was high enough, that nakedness would just make that much easier. Dallan reached out to stroke his hand slowly and gently down my bare back, then chuckled when I shivered.

“You forget that I know you well, wenda,” he said, for some reason being careful to touch nothing but my back. “Were I to say to you that a man’s duty to see to the well-being of another man’s wenda most usually includes her entire well-being, you would find it unnecessary to ask if I spoke the truth, would you not? No longer need we consider you ill and hurt, Terril, and this state you have yourself confirmed. Hestin is a healer, one to whom I may unhesitatingly turn to assist me in seeing to my duty. Shall I ask him to learn if your body desires a man? He will do no more than touch you, and then the route of my duty will be clear.”

I lowered my face to my hands, horribly aware of Dallan’s touch on my back, even more horribly aware of Hestin where he crouched beside my bare thighs. Dallan knew how well I’d been conditioned on that world, how quickly I would respond to the touch of a man like Hestin; then I would be taken in Dallan’s arms, to allow him to ease me as his duty demanded. As Tammad would expect him to do. As I would hate but would be unable to refuse. I didn’t want to have Dallan make love to me, most especially not then, but once Hestin touched me, the decision would no longer be mine.

“Perhaps you now feel more of a need for a nap, sister,” Dallan observed after a minute when he saw I had nothing to say, his voice and mind heavy with satisfaction. “You will obey the healer and myself without question and without demurral, and perhaps I shall see my duty as already done.”

Perhaps he’d see it that way. I lay with my face in my hands and my legs clasped tightly together, so furious I was ready to break. Not only was he blackmailing me, he was also punishing me again, making me obey not only Tammad and Tammad’s wishes, but him and his as well! I didn’t want to obey him, but he was making sure I would.

“The healer and I shall now leave you so that you may sleep, wenda,” Dallan said, and a moment later the too-heavy cover fur was on me again. “Should I return and find you remaining awake, I will know that you require easing first. I wish you dreams of great pleasure.”

I heard the two of them straighten up and begin moving toward the door, and a moment later they were gone. I took my face from my hands and put my cheek down on the bed fur, silently wishing Dallan an embarrassing accident of some sort, silently cursing myself for not arranging that accident. I might have been tempted to do it, but if I knew Dallan he already had someone else lined up to see to his duty if he couldn’t, probably his new friend Hestin. Hestin wasn’t really very happy over what I’d done to him earlier that morning, and wouldn’t have minded making my punishment a little more personal. Only he wouldn’t have seen it as punishment. No Rimilian male did, not even the one who’d tried to attack me. Unless they decided purposely to make it a punishment. I lay there in the dim room, wide awake, listening to the sound of the rain on the window and the splash of it as it drove itself into the ground; wishing Rimilian males could be less physical in their appetites, wondering what I was going to do when Dallan came back to check on me.

As it turned out, I didn’t have to do a thing. If I’d tried pretending to be asleep I’m sure he would have known, but the real thing gets rid of the need for pretense. I awoke to find the day even dimmer than it had been. It was still raining out there, making the room close and damp and even somewhat on the chilly side, and I lay quietly in the furs that were no longer too heavy, sliding from sleep to thinking with no effort at all.

Only one more night had to pass, and then I would be going after my beloved, freeing him from a terrible captivity. I still didn’t want to wait, was still afraid that the extra night could make any rescue attempt pointless, but the others had convinced me that to go into the palace without their support would most likely turn out badly. And even if I managed to get Tammad out, what would happen to Cinnan and Aesnil? I couldn’t simply leave them to their fate, and if the plan we’d developed worked right everyone would be free, not only the three latest captives. Most if it depended on me, of course, and I almost smiled at the memory of Tammad’s annoyance when I’d thought I was so important to the search for Aesnil. This time I really was important, and the feeling was anything but comfortable. So many people depending on the success of just one, when all I really wanted was . . . .

“Terril, are you awake?” a soft voice asked, coming from right near the door. I turned my head and lifted it a little to peer into the gloom, and was just able to make out Leelan, half hidden by the door edge.

“Yes, I am awake,” I acknowledged, watching her come more fully into the room before closing the door behind her. “That is, I am awake only if you have come alone. Should Dallan be with you and be waiting in the hall, I am deeply asleep. ”

“No, it is only I,” she assured me with a chuckle, stopping to light a few of the candles around the room. Once it was done the room seemed warmer and cozier, and then she brought over a few cushions for me before taking some for her own comfort at the side of my bed. “For what reason would you not wish to see Dallan?” she asked as she settled herself on the carpet fur.

“The beast has too great a devotion to duty,” I answered with a grimace as I arranged the pillows behind me, then turned back to her. “His greatest concern is for me, I know, yet I dislike the manner in which he exhibits that concern.”

“Perhaps-perhaps he means to face your memabrak once he has been freed,” Leelan suggested in an oh-so-casual way, looking down at her hands while she spoke. “He has no woman in his bands, I know, and is not a man to go long without one, and seems even closer to you than helid would account for, and . . . .”

“Leelan,” I said, cutting into what promised to be a list of extreme length, “you believe Dallan considers putting me in his bands?”

“You are a very beautiful woman, Terril, and one who, as Deegor pointed out, bears no weapons,” she said, looking up at me as though it were an effort. “You would do well for him in his bands, I know, and give him the pleasure he should have. Perhaps he will not need to face your memabrak, perhaps you will merely be sold to him.”

“Allow me to assure you that I will not be sold to him,” I said, resettling the cover fur on me while trying to decide whether or not to be annoyed. “You will need to find another for Dallan to put his bands upon.”

“You mistake me, Terril,” she said, flushing in the candleglow before looking down again. “I need not seek a woman for his bands, he is more than capable of doing such a thing for himself. I merely thought that perhaps, as he shows so great an interest in you—”

“That you would prepare me for being banded by him,” I finished when she didn’t, opting finally for curiosity over annoyance. “There is little likelihood of the thing occurring, and yet now that I think upon it there would surely be some benefit. Though his appearance is far from the handsomest his body is not entirely unacceptable, and although his talent in the furs is somewhat on the modest side . . . .”

“Far from the handsomest?” she repeated immediately, her eyes suddenly blazing, so incensed I could feel it through the curtain. “His body not entirely unacceptable? His talents modest! Have you lost your senses, girl? Never have I seen one as handsome as he, with shoulders so broad and chest so deep! And trim, he is trim as well! And as for his ability in the furs, he is beyond comparison! To see it otherwise is to be without sight.”

She had straightened to sitting instead of leaning down comfortably, and the glare she was sending was designed to fry and wither. If I’d been armed the way she was I would probably already be challenged, and that almost made me smile.

“It seems clear, Leelan, that there is already one who sees the matter in the proper light,” I pointed out, doing nothing in the way of reacting to her indignation. “Perhaps that one would do best in Dallan’s bands.”

Her glare cut off as she realized what she’d said, but rather than getting flustered she seemed to slump. I could feel a small trace of embarrassment in her when I touched her mind, but mostly what I felt was hopeless resignation.

“No man would long keep a w’wenda in wenda bands, even were she to permit the banding,” I was told with a sigh, watching her go back to leaning on her cushions, her eyes avoiding mine again. “And even above that, my life in that respect is not mine to do with as I please.”

“Who might there be who would dare to attempt to direct a w’wenda?” I asked, feeling the least bit outraged myself. Leelan was free in a way I wasn’t, and although I envied and begrudged her that freedom, I couldn’t stand the thought of her not having it.

“There is scarcely a daring to the matter,” she answered, smiling faintly as she looked up at me. “We have not spoken of this sooner for there was no need, and yet now there is no need to keep from speaking of it. The Chama Farian slew the former Chama when she marched on the palace, slaying also the Chama’s memabrak. The children of the two were not then in Vediaster, and returned to find the deed already done. I am one of those children.”

I stared at her without saying anything, wondering how you were supposed to express sympathy and sorrow for a loss like that in words, but she waved a hand at me and shook her head.

“You need not speak for in my mind the time now seems long ago, and soon my blood will be avenged,” she said, controlling her inner self even as she reassured me. “My brothers and I, upon learning of what Farian had done, were all of a mind to attack at once, no matter that our lives would be lost in attempting hers. Nearly did we proceed with the attack, yet were we kept from it by the arrival of a messenger from the new Chama. We were informed that our plans were known to Farian, and if we were indeed to attack, the people of the city would pay for our foolhardiness. All of our friends and helid brothers and sisters would follow us down to death through execution, and then would strangers and innocents be executed as well. My brothers were ordered from the city along with other l’lendaa then in residence, and I—I was ordered to remain.”

“For what purpose?” I asked, surreptitiously helping her regain control. The memories bothered her more than she admitted, which wasn’t, after all, terribly surprising.

“For my original purpose,” she said, relaxing just a little more as she ran one hand through her long blonde hair. “Even had my mother lived, I would not have become Chama after her. To be Chama one must be strong with the power, and all knew I was not. Likely would one of my brothers have banded the new Chama, as my father banded my mother, and I would have served Vediaster as was originally meant-as mate to one whose country we wished an alliance with. To seal the bargain I would have become a memabra of sorts, and then would my duty have been seen to. Farian, without issue of her own, had need of one such as I for the same purpose, most especially as I was issue of the last Chama, who had taken the throne through the blood right of my father as well as her own power. Were she to demand that I pledge myself to the man of her choice, I would find it possible to do no other thing. Those closest to me continue to stand as hostage, and once given, my word could not be retrieved.”

“Now do I see the reason for the others having agreed so quickly to the time of attack we wished,” I said, getting more of the overall picture. “Were we to wait, your word would be lost to Farian on the morrow. And yet, there continues to be a thing I have no understanding of. Should we succeed in our plan against Farian, she will no longer be Chama and able to use you as an item of trade. For what reason will you then not be able to consort with any man you wish?”

“For the same reason as ever,” she said with a shrug, reaching to the edge of my bed fur to tug on it gently. “Should Farian be gone and another seated upon the throne, might Vediaster still not require relations with those about her? I shall hope that such a thing will prove unnecessary, yet should it not be, who else would there be to see to the duty? Had I sisters rather than brothers there would likely be less of a need, yet to wish for such a thing would be idle. The duty is mine as Dallan may likely never be. I would then be bound to another, yet through the will of the people of my land rather than at the command of Farian.”

“Which shall, of course, bring a good deal more pleasure to you,” I commented as though almost in passing, finding that sort of dedication less commendable than she obviously considered it. People who were ready to sacrifice themselves for the public good, never seemed to realize that the public would probably approve of whatever they did, most especially if no member of that public was directly hurt by it. Self-sacrifice seems to make some people feel better-even while they’re hating it.

“Pleasure seems to be a thing destined to elude many of us,” Leelan said in a mutter, never noticing the undertones of my comment, and then she made an effort to pull herself out of the dumps. “We shall, however, find a great deal of pleasure in besting Farian, and when she falls her mother may be done the same.”

“Her mother?” I echoed, finding myself surprised. “What has her mother to do with this?”

“Her mother is the one who gives Farian her male slaves,” Leelan said, a look of pure disgust on her face. “Never did any of us suspect that such a thing was being done, yet did we discover it when Farian took the throne. Male children were likely obtained very young, possibly through the breeding of slaves bought elsewhere, and then were the male children raised in collars, and taught their slavery from the very beginning. Surely you saw those in the palace. How else would one do the thing?”

The question was rhetorical as far as I was concerned, and definitely one I didn’t care to discuss just then. I moved around a little in the bed furs, then looked at Leelan again.

“Have you thought upon how we are to keep Dallan from accompanying us?” I asked, interested in finding something else to talk about. “Have you spoken with him again concerning his intentions?”

“I spoke with him not long after sleep took you,” she said, nodding sourly and with very little enthusiasm. “He is as stubborn as a seetar, not to speak of nearly as large.”

“Then his intentions are unchanged,” I said just as sourly, folding my legs under the cover fur so that I might lean forward more comfortably. “It seems we shall have to strike him over the head and then bind him in leather before we are able to depart in peace.”

“You believe a l’lenda might be that easily struck?” she asked with a flash of deep amusement, a brief look of delighted enjoyment crossing her face at the same time. “It would surely do him no end of good, yet do I fear that he may be done so no more than a w’wenda might. And perhaps even less than certain w’wendaa. ”

She gave me a wry look, obviously remembering the way she’d been tripped the time she’d come to my rescue, and then she shook her head.

“In full truth might we possibly require one or more such as he,” she said, sounding as though she were admitting something distasteful. “I have heard it whispered that Farian has bought the swords of a number of l’lendaa, and keeps them to stand her defense should the palace guard fail her. Should they truly be l’lendaa and not merely gendiss, the blood will flow even more thickly. They will see to their duty with honor, and we—we will die rather than allow them to prevail. ”

I remembered then what Garth had said, about how no woman on the planet could hope to match a l’lenda with swords, and realized that Leelan was saying the same. Skill didn’t enter into it, at least not on the level they were talking about; even if the w’wendaa’s skill exactly matched that of the l’lendaa, the men would still be ahead. L’lendaa were bigger, stronger, and carried larger weapons which added to their longer reach, everything that would prove deadly to any woman going up against them. They would all do their damnedest to win, but it might prove to be a very costly victory.

“Then you would prefer to have Dallan with us,” I said, looking at the problem from that new angle. “And yet should it be so, you said, we would surely be given an escort which would prove awkward, to say the very least.”

“Indeed we would.” She nodded, sending a hand through her hair again. “I, along with what few attendants I bring, am permitted to walk the halls of the palace alone for the reason that Farian wishes to give me insult. One guards against a potent enemy, you see, yet is able to ignore the harmless and impotent. Without Dallan we would laughingly be allowed in alone; with him there would surely be an escort. ”

“Only if it were Dallan the l’lenda who accompanied us,” I said, leaning back again to tap my lips thoughtfully. “Was it Dallan the slave who trailed after us, perhaps there would be no escort. How many of the guard have slaves of their own?”

“Among Farian’s followers?” she asked with a snort of scorn, her eyes sharply on me again. “As many as find themselves able to be granted one. You believe they would believe Dallan a slave, and would accept him as such?”

“If he were to appear helpless and servile enough,” I said, still thinking about it. “You need to show Farian that she has naught to fear from you, that you support her and all of her doings. What better way to show her that you mean to obey her than by finding a slave of your own?”

“One, perhaps, which is to be gifted to her,” Leelan said with growing enthusiasm, obviously liking the idea. “It might well arouse suspicion to say the slave was mine, for my views on the subject are widely known. That I would bring a slave to appease Farian, however, to be sure that the man I am about to be given to is somewhat to my liking . . . . Yes, my friend, the concept has a great deal of merit-should we find the magic necessary to convince Dallan of the need.”

She was looking at me strangely just then, half ready to say he’d never do it, half hoping I had some trick up my sleeve to make him to it, and I couldn’t help grinning at her confusion.

“It was not we who first said he must accompany us,” I reminded her, an about-to-get-even feeling inside me. “Should he maintain his stand while at the same time refusing to accede to our needs, it will indeed be a sort of magic by which he is convinced.”

“For your sake, my friend, there had best also be a magic by which he is later avoided,” she said with a grin to match mine, strangely enough asking for no detail of what I meant, but then the amusement seemed to desert her. There had been something in the back of her mind ever since she’d first come in, and the rest of the talk we’d engaged in had really been no more than warm-up for that one particular point. She wasn’t very happy about it, but it was something that had to be said.

“Terril, there is a thing you must know before we depart for the palace on the morrow,” she said, the sobriety in her bringing a chill to my insides against what she might be telling me. “I would not have you taken by surprise and therefore jeopardize the plan. The time of our arrival at the palace is, as you know, to a purpose, yet are we sure to find another sight awaiting us at the same time. I have been told of this by loyal members of the guard, who speak of it as a thing which has been done upon each day already past.”

Some of the ice melted at that, formed by the fear that she was about to tell me Tammad was dead, but people don’t die more than once-physically, at any rate. Her news still couldn’t be very pleasant, though, and when she saw my expression she hurried on with it.

“According to our plan, we shall arrive at the palace just as the first lull in the broadcasting of the Hand of Power begins,” she said. “As we discussed, the lulls are used by Farian as a time when her own power may be exercised, without the need for denying the output of the Hand. We mean to locate the quarters of Roodar during the lull, wait in hiding till the Hand resumes, smash the Hand, then confront Roodar and free your memabrak before going to search out Farian. When the newly resumed broadcasting of the Hand abruptly ceases, those who have gathered outside the palace will attack, distracting the palace guard from us the while we seek the Chama.”

“Leelan, I am aware of the plan,” I couldn’t help saying, unfortunately not very nicely. “Tell me quickly: has Tammad been given great harm?”

“No, no, not the sort of which you speak,” she said at once, putting one hand out toward me in a gesture of reassurance. “Physically he has been rather well cared for, aside from an occasional light whipping. His spirit, however, must be greatly tormented, for Roodar uses the lull each day to return him fully to himself. He is well chained at those times so that he might be humiliated as Roodar wishes, and I am told he rages and shouts in great fury. When the output resumes, the potion is again forced upon him and he is unchained.”

“To become again the slave of Roodar,” I said, only faintly aware of the way Leelan flinched at my tone, but then I had a distracting thought. “How is it possible for her to do with him as she pleases during the lull?” I demanded. “He, too, is a possessor of power, and should surely find it possible to overwhelm her at such a time.”

“I know not,” Leelan said with a shrug, the wary look just beginning to fade from her eyes. “We will surely learn the truth of it when we have released him. You now understand what must be done, Terril, do you not? We must witness his humiliation in silence and with patience, for the Hand must be smashed before any know what we are about. You are able to see that?”

Oh, sure, I thought as she watched me anxiously, so that if anything happens to me when we come up against Roodar, the Hand will already have been taken care of. Then Relgon can tackle Farian, with a better-than-even chance of winning. Farian was supposed to have a good deal of personal power, but without the Hand it would strictly be one on one. Briefly the rain beat harder at the window, a thin echo of the raging of my thoughts against my hastily closed shield, a perfect reflection of helpless frustration. I didn’t want to do what Leelan was nearly begging for, but I had no choice at all. I slumped down against the cushions instead of leaning on them, and rubbed at my eyes.

“Were I to jeopardize the lives of others and the plan itself merely to keep humiliation from my sadendrak, he would likely find it difficult to forgive me,” I said, hating even the words I was being forced to speak. “He is a l’lenda and a man of honor, and would surely be shamed if his welfare were to be put before others in equal need. Once he is free I shall likely speak harsh words to him concerning the matter of honor, as I personally find it to be an abomination.”

“For those who consider it above all other things, it oft times is exactly that,” she agreed with a great deal of gentleness, putting one hand on my arm. “And yet is it also a manner of doing which allows one to hold her head high, knowing she stands in the glow of that which is right, rather than in the dimness of convenience or the dark of self-interest. Were honor easily attained or effortlessly maintained, there would be little credit given for the exercising of it-credit given by those who know the true weight of it. We are each of us honored for the honor we show, Terril, a return of sorts which may help to make the burden lighter. Do you wish to rise now to join us for a meal? Hestin has said that you may do so.”

A short while earlier that particular piece of news would have perked me right up, but I couldn’t perk now from the level I’d fallen to. I got into my clothes and sandals and followed Leelan out of the room, then spent the rest of the evening pretending I was fit company to associate with. And waiting for the new day to arrive.