The Warrior Victorious

11

“Stop bothering me,” I said for what seemed like the ten-thousandth time, finding it impossible to keep the annoyance out of my voice. “If you’re trying to find the limits of my self-control, be smart and take my word for the fact that you’re almost there.”

“It’s very bad manners to be so high-handed with people who are only trying to help you,” Ashton came back, her own annoyance reaching for the heights mine had already achieved. “The doctor said you’re doing a lot better than he’d expected you to, but you should still be taking it easy, preferably in bed. Instead of that you’ve been wandering all over the transport, and now you insist on going down in the slip with Murdock. Why can’t you wait the hour or two until we’re home?”

“From what you people yourselves have told me, Murdock can’t be trusted to be alone with Rimilians,” I returned, looking down at the bland expressionlessness of the subject of my comments with very little friendliness. “If he is left alone with them, he seems to get this overwhelming urge to sell things-like me, for instance. I’m just going along to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

“But my brother can’t sell you again,” Ashton pointed out with a purr while Murdock used one finger to rub gently at his lips, trying to keep the amusement off his face. “You belong to someone else now, so if there’s any selling to be done Murdock won’t have a part in it. What if we promise to let you know the instant any deals are concluded?”

“That’s very funny,” I said with no expression at all, staring unblinkingly at her grin. “And also please accept my congratulations. You’ve just put yourself one step away from being on my “flatten first” list, right along with the ones who run the complex on New Dawn. I didn’t think I’d find anyone outside the Amalgamation government with enough talent to achieve that.”

I turned away from them both with that, and went to sit in a chair by myself until the transfer slip was ready for boarding. Murdock had a couple of men hovering a short distance away who would take over Ashton’s job of helping him for a while, but that didn’t mean Ashton had no intentions of going along with him. The slip would be landing in the courtyard of the palace in the city of Vediaster, and Murdock had said something about considering it prudent if he had a woman with him.

The steward materialized in front of me with a tray holding cups of kimla, but a shake of my head continued him on his way to the others in the common area. I was no more in the mood for eating and drinking than I’d been for the last few days, and as was becoming usual, as soon as I stopped thinking of other things and talking to other people, my mind began working on its own. I not only had what I’d been told about my supposed beginnings to clamor at me, I was also starting to remember some of what the New Dawn people had conditioned me into forgetting.

I stirred in my chair as flashes of Vediaster began coming through again, a time that seemed to be composed of no more than various levels of unpleasantness and unhappiness. Faces flashed in front of me, women’s faces with names like Farian and Leelan and Deegor and Relgon and Roodar and Siitil. Some of the faces carried the sense of being friends, other the feel of enemies, but even the moment of triumph I could almost reach had an overimage of some sort of pain and loss. I’d been in that city for no more than a short while, but not one of the memories coming back to me was a happy one.

And yet, I was supposed to be Chama of the place, the Rimilian word meaning something like “absolute ruler of all.” That triumph I couldn’t quite recall had won me the position, but it hadn’t been something I’d been trying for because I wanted it. It seemed to have just happened, and I’d seen clearly enough that I had to go down there with Murdock to tell the people involved that I wasn’t going to keep the position. I knew I owed them that much, and simply sending a note or word of my intentions wouldn’t have been right, even if that’s what I would have preferred doing.

I sighed as I moved in the chair again, but the sound had more than a little impatience and annoyance to it, two emotions I would have enjoyed being able to avoid for a while. The previous days had practically been made of impatience and annoyance, not to mention indecision and uncertainty and doubt and fear, all wrapped up into one big ball of upset. I didn’t know if what Murdock had told me was true, and didn’t even know if I wanted it to be true; all I could do was go to where they were taking me and try to find out about all of it. My emotions had taken quite a beating at first, as I worked at imagining what it would be like to meet people who were supposed to be my parents; would I want to know them, would I like the looks of them, would they like and want to know me? Those and a thousand other questions had kept me going around and around for hours, not one of them the sort I could answer but all still refusing to leave me alone. I’d finally fallen asleep in exhaustion, and when I’d awakened I’d found the strength to push away questions and flying emotions alike. When I got there I’d know the truth and could then make decisions, so all I had to do was wait until I got there.

All. I put my hand to my hair as I fought to keep the impatience and annoyance behind my curtain where it belonged, convinced that to use the word “all” with the concept of waiting was like using the phrase “a little” with the concept of dying a horrible death. I’d started out doing the waiting in my cabin, found that my thoughts were taking advantage of the solitude, and so had left the cabin to find something to occupy my attention. What I had found, unfortunately, had been Ashton and Murdock and the others, all hovering around and anxious to help make me feel better. When I refused to discuss their community they accepted my decision, but that was the only thing they were willing to be reasonable about. All of them including Ashton began fussing over me and refused to stop, and Murdock decided to explain why he really had no choice about dropping in on Vediaster for a very brief time.

“If you like, you may consider it a matter of honor,” he’d said, looking up at me from his special chair with a faint smile on his face. “As I was the one who arranged your banding by Tammad, and inasmuch as I know precisely how worried he is about you, I have no other choice than to inform him of your safe recovery. He’ll certainly want to see you, so I will most likely bring him back hereto. . . ”

“No,” I’d interrupted at once, for some reason feeling that the last place I wanted to see the object of Murdock’s concern was on a transport. “I tell you I don’t know the man, and don’t want to know him. From what you’ve said he could decide to take me away from you again, just as he did once before, and in order to stop him I’d probably have to hurt him. Is that what you want? To see him hurt because of your concept of honor?”

“Terrilian, child, you mustn’t hurt him,” Murdock had said, an odd look in his cold gray eyes, an even stranger feel to the tenor of his thoughts. “I truly believed Tammad would be the first thing you remembered, knowing as I do what your own feelings for him are. If you cause him harm, you’ll likely never forgive yourself. Hasn’t there been enough pain in this episode for everyone involved? His love for you is quickly becoming legend on Rimilia, and you need only allow him enough time to remind you of your own love for him. Surely such a small thing . . . ”

I’d turned around and walked away from Murdock at that point, unwilling to listen to any more of his diplomatic attempts at matchmaking. Did he think I was an idiot who didn’t realize that if I was in love with someone, he would certainly be the first thing I remembered? All I could feel was the way my mind held the offered folder marked “Tammad” at arm’s length, as though it had no interest in letting it come nearer, and that was good enough for me. All I wanted to know about right then was the community Murdock said was mine as well as his and Ashton’s, and I didn’t need some love-struck barbarian trying to distract me.

“If you’re going with us, now’s the time,” Ashton’s voice came abruptly, bringing me back from the recent past. “The transfer slip is ready to go, and so are the rest of us. And if you don’t take it really easy down there, the doctor’ll have a fit. A couple of those bloody welts on your back haven’t closed all the way, and if you rip them open he’ll do the same to Murdock’s throat and mine for letting you go down with us. I don’t want you taking a stroll anywhere unless I’m with you, and that’s an order. ”

“Ashton, try to remember you’re supposed to be my aunt, not my mother,” I came back, barely glancing at her as I got to my feet. “If you’re suffering from role confusion, you’ll be best off staying away from me for a while. Hanging around will only make it worse.”

“Once we get home, you’ll learn the difference between hanging around and being in charge, honey,” she answered with a grin, having no trouble keeping herself from feeling insulted. “And remind me to have a word with you about eating when we’re back aboard. The doctor isn’t happy about your trim little figure, and I got him to let me talk to you before he loses his patience, ties you down and starts stuffing your face with edibles. I’ve known that mild little man for years, and never realized before that he had such a violent side to his nature.”

“That mild little man is almost as much of a pain in the neck as you are,” I said, following behind Murdock and his assistants at the slow pace necessary to keep from running them down. “I’m beginning to remember how I used my ability to get rid of someone else who was a pain in the neck once, and if he doesn’t leave me alone he’s going to find out all about it-first hand.”

“It isn’t his job to leave you alone,” Ashton returned, but with a distracted tone to her voice. “It’s his job to pester the life out of you until you’re so desperate you get better just to get rid of him. Terrilian, once we’re home we’re going to have to sit down with a couple of other people, and talk about your ability and how you’ve been learning to use it. That curtain trick, for instance, and how you developed the strength you have. We need to know whatever you can tell us, especially with the attack against New Dawn so near. That won’t ruin things for you as far as getting to know the community goes, will it?”

I turned my head to see the way she was looking at me, her mind involved with three or four different lines of thought, but her surface concern supporting only the question shed asked. She had meant the question seriously no matter how much amusement she got out of bothering me about other things, and the headshake I gave for an answer brought her more satisfaction than it did me. Whether anything in particular would have to ruin my experience with the community-aside from just being there-was a topic I didn’t care to consider right then, which meant I paid a lot of attention to getting aboard the transfer slip.

The trip down to Rimilia’s surface in general and Vediaster in particular didn’t seem to take very long, but only because I’d lost the battle against not thinking about the community. I didn’t slip so far that I let my mind tangle with specific worries, but that still meant I looked up to find that everyone was getting ready to leave our transportation. Ashton was talking to Murdock as he struggled to his feet, telling him something that her mind said wasn’t very important, and it was all I could do to keep from insisting that they hurry. I refused to guess about what was waiting for me in the place they called the community, but I was almost painfully anxious to get there and find out what it would be.

I could feel a large number of minds waiting outside even before the slip ramp opened and extended; disembarking brought sight of them all, as well as of the newcomers who were streaming up in smaller and larger bunches to see what was going on. It was a warm, pleasant, sunny day on that planet, the air smelling fresh and clean, but the level of astonishment and surprise and curiosity coming out of the largely female welcoming committee made me glad my curtain was firmly in place. Quite a few of them had active minds, and I could tell from their reactions that they were more or less expecting us. Apparently they’d known we were coming, but hadn’t known how we’d be coming.

“Terril, how pleased we are that you have been returned to us unharmed,” one of the women called up, her grin matching the true happiness I could feel in her mind. She was a big woman, blond and blue-eyed the way most of them were, wearing sandals, trousers and a shirt as well as a sword. My still-incomplete memories stirred at sight of her, and then I was smiling and raising a hand to a friend named Leelan.

“You all must forgive Terril if she seems somewhat different,” Ashton called out in Rimilian, the language Leelan had used, her eyes moving from one side of the crowd to the other. “Those who took her also took her memories of her time on this world, memories which are only now beginning to return for her use. She will come to recall each and every one of you, only now such a thing must not be expected of her.”

A dissatisfied mutter moved through the group of women, a sound to match the growl of anger in their minds, but it wasn’t Ashton they were angry with. My-aunt-stood a little ahead of me to my right on the ramp, which put her head level a bit below mine, and when her face turned to the left I could see she was squinting against the late-morning sun the way I was. Her narrowed eyes were checking what her scanning mind brought to her, and when she also found that the anger wasn’t for her, she smiled faintly.

“You need not concern yourselves that those who committed so vile an act will go unpunished,” she called out again, raising her voice to make it carry over the mutter. “We who are blood-kin to Terril will see to her rightful vengeance upon those who are our enemies as well as hers, and may well call upon you here to assist us. Would you be willing to give us such assistance?”

A double shout of avid agreement rose up to us from voices and minds alike, and either one would have been sufficient to let us know exactly how those women felt. Both together were more commitment than a blood oath would have been, and the men helping Murdock grinned as they began moving down the ramp again. Ashton also grinned as she glanced to me before following the others, and I couldn’t help wondering why they were all so pleased. They seemed to have plans that included the armed women of Vediaster, plans that hadn’t been mentioned to me.

The crowd moved obligingly back or to either side to give us room to leave the ramp, and then Leelan led one segment of it back to surround Ashton and me. The big blond woman had spent most of her time looking at me, but once she was close enough her gaze went to Ashton.

“I do not doubt that this wenda is blood-kin to you, Terril,” she said, examining Ashton in a very direct way. “Her mind is of a strength which much resembles yours, and would have been of great assistance to us in our attack against Farian. For what reason did you not make mention of her when we all spoke of those who might be of aid to us in the attack?”

“She failed to speak of me for the reason that she then had no knowledge of me,” Ashton said without hesitation, smiling faintly at the w’wenda who looked down at her. “It was only when she freed herself from capture that we met, no more than days ago.”

“And was it then that you also assumed the burden of giving response to those queries put to her?” Leelan asked, her tone dry as the fingers of her left hand toyed with her sword hilt. “Our Chama has no need of others to speak for her, nor will such a thing be allowed the while breath remains in my body. Terril, I would know how you truly fare, and would also know if you desire to be freed of the company of this one.”

“Such a freeing would indeed be pleasant, Leelan, and yet you must not be disturbed over the matter,” I said, the annoyance I’d been feeling disappearing behind amusement at Ashton’s sudden annoyance. “I fare as well as I might the while true memory eludes me, and this wenda who names herself kin to me has taken it upon herself to guard my every doing. Although I dislike such guarding through having no true need of it, it must yet be admitted that her intentions are for good rather than ill. ”

“No true need of it,” Ashton echoed with a snort while Leelan and some of the others looked relieved, the mutter putting her fists to her hips. “Our healer foams at the mouth the while she prances all about as she wills, doing rather than resting from her ordeal, and she dares to speak blithely of having no true need of guarding. In truth, what she has the greatest need of is being sat upon. A pity the strength of her mind disallows such a thing.”

“And yet there is one greatly eager to see her who has no fear of the strength of her mind,” Leelan said, laughing the way too many of the other women were doing over what Ashton had said. “Dallan took himself off to inform him of your arrival even as I hurried here, Terril, therefore shall they soon be with us.”

“Dallan?” I said, looking at the big woman as I tried to fight through the mists to a recognition of the name, getting a teasing sense of familiarity and then nothing but blankness. “Am I acquainted with this Dallan? And who is the other who will accompany him?”

“Dallan is my memabrak and drin of Gerleth, Terril , and you and he are helid,” Leelan answered, the laughter gone as she glanced in upset to Ashton. “I had not realized to how great an extent- The other, of course, is Tammad, he who is your memabrak. Surely you recall the one who occupied your thoughts to the exclusion of all other things?”

“Him again,” I muttered in Centran, beginning to be really annoyed. You can get very tired of hearing people tell you how much you care about somebody, but tired doesn’t cover it when you can’t even remember what the object of your undying love looks like. I was a lot more interested in trying to remember who Dallan was, Leelan’s mamabrak, the one who had banded her. Helid was a very close, nonsexual relationship between two otherwise unrelated people, and I was curious about the man I was supposed to have that sort of relationship with.

“Terril seems unable to recall Tammad, Leelan,” Ashton put in when I didn’t add to my muttering, her mind spreading out to soothe the agitation of just about everyone in hearing. “We believe that she clung to the memory of him so tightly that our enemies had a great deal of difficulty in taking it, therefore was it more thoroughly erased than other matters. She will surely recover that memory along with the others, and yet will it just as surely find its own time in coming.”

“Unfortunately it will likely not be soon enough to spare us the need to calm the fury of a l’lenda,” another of the women in the crowd said with a sigh, an older woman who wasn’t wearing a sword. Relgon, I remembered her name was, and her twin sister was Deegor, a w’wenda. Relgon wasn’t a woman warrior, but her mind was stronger than Deegor’s. “To say it was difficult bearing his worry, is to say one was unable to perceive his mind; when he discovers that his beloved is no longer even familiar with the sound of his name, his need to spill the blood of those responsible will surely take the senses from all in the city with the power.”

“His strength is that great?” Ashton asked, her surprise evident. “We were told his mind was discovered to be awakened, yet no mention was made of such . . .”

She broke off in the middle of what she was saying to watch the arrival of more Rimilians, this time an all-male group. The men were a good deal larger than the women, broad-shouldered and wide-chested with body cloths called haddinn wrapped around them, barefoot but with swordbelts closed tightly around each set of hips. They all seemed to be moving at a good pace, but there was one out in front leading the pack, larger than most of the others and striding faster than they were. The crowd of women melted away from the path of that relatively calm stampede, which meant there were suddenly no obstructions blocking off sight of me.

The giant of a man seemed to pause between steps as his head came up, the expression on his face more a matter of the relief of ended pain than something to be called a smile. His mind surged powerfully behind a cloud of very thick calm, joyous elation dominating what I could make out through the whirling, and then he was moving forward again, directly toward me. His arms began to rise from his sides as he walked, thickly muscled arms that undoubtedly had no trouble swinging that great bar of a sword which hung at his side, and all of a sudden I noticed something very important about him.

He was blond and blue-eyed, just like Kel-Ten, and a large part of his mind was filled with the same sense of-possession—the First Prime had felt.

I’d had to accept the attitude in the complex, there had been no choice about accepting it, but I was no longer in the complex and was no longer turned off. He was still ten or fifteen feet away when I straightened where I stood and let the curtain fall from my mind.

“Terrilian, don’t, he’s not going to hurt you!” Ashton hissed fast from my right, her hand wrapping itself tightly around my arm.

“Terril, no, that is Tammad there before you!” Leelan blurted from my left, her thoughts completely taken aback.

“Terril, child, there is no battle before you that requires such a gathering of power!” Relgon said hurriedly, and it came to me that her face had gone as pale as those of a number of the women around us. They all had active minds, those women, with Leelan being an odd partial exception, and were therefore all aware of the banishing of my curtain.

The man who had been striding so quickly toward me also had an active mind, and what I’d done had stopped him a second time, bewilderment and confusion pushing away everything else he’d been feeling. There was also something of pain inside him, but the heavy calm he was holding to with both fists didn’t let him experience much of it. His face was completely expressionless as he began walking toward me again, this time a good deal more slowly, and when Leelan moved out to stop him about five feet away he seemed only partially aware of her.

“Tammad, those who stole her from us also stole her memories,” the big woman told him with a lot of compassion, her hand going to his arm. “She has not given over her love for you, merely has she forgotten it for a time. Those who accompany her say the forgetfulness is not forever, therefore is she certain to come to know you again. Do you hear the words I speak?”

He did hear her, that I could tell from the movement of his thoughts, but those very blue eyes hadn’t moved an inch from me since the time they’d first found me. I felt as though he were drinking me in, using me the way a man dying of thirst would use a large jug of water, and his thoughts had begun taking on a definite tinge of stubbornness. He’d heard everything said to him, all right, but there wasn’t any way on that world he was about to accept it.

“Tammad, my friend, I would have preferred being able to prepare you for this,” Murdock said in Centran, materializing out of the crowd to the right, his two helpers trailing behind him. “Is there somewhere we may go to speak privately?”

“As the tongue you speak is understood by very few here, you have already achieved what privacy you desire,” the big Rimilian answered, also in Centran, making no attempt to look at the man he addressed. “What words does the Murdock McKenzie imagine would give preparation for so outrageous a doing as this?”

“My friend, we none of us knew this would happen,” Murdock said in a calm his mind wasn’t sharing almost as though he could feel the growing anger in the other man. “She was taken by those who are enemies to us all, but their flagrant disregard of the honorable commitment made you will now be their downfall. What I wish to speak to you about is the need for patience on your part, obviously for the sake of the woman. She was not treated well by those who took her, and to now expect her to accept a man who is a stranger to her . . . ”

“They gave her harm?” the big man growled, his gaze turned to ice as his mind flared crimson with fury and rage, finally moving his head to look at Murdock. Most of those around us flinched at the level of projection he was managing, Ashton drawing her breath in sharply due to the unexpectedness of what she felt, and I quietly retrieved my curtain. The man seemed to be totally untrained but with more raw power than could easily be held off, and protecting myself with the curtain wasn’t like blocking everything out with a shield. I could still drop the curtain or even work through it if I had to, something I wasn’t convinced I would not have to do.

“In what manner did these mondarayse give her harm?” the man demanded of Murdock, his big hands fists at his sides, his body held still through sheer will power. “I shall first assure myself that she returns to full health, and then you and I will speak of where I might find those who have beseeched their own deaths. When once my l’lendaa and I have done with them, they will no longer even find- it possible to look upon the wendaa of others.”

“You must forgive me, my friend, if I say taking their lives and positions from them is a privilege first due me and mine,” Murdock answered, his coldly courteous reply probably the only thing that could have penetrated the rage and fury coming at him. “Far too many have suffered the fate so narrowly escaped by Terrilian, and even more has been done to those who are ours. You’re certainly welcome to join us if you wish, but you may not take the pleasure for yourself alone. When we leave here, we will rejoin those waiting for us and complete the plans for attack which have already been begun.”

Murdock stared up at the giant of a man, his cold gray eyes directly on him, his twisted body in no way flinching back from the promise of violence that was looming over him. The Rimilian could have exploded in anger and killed him, but it wasn’t possible to doubt that anything less would affect or move him, not on the subject they had just been discussing. Despite the emotions screaming around inside him the big warrior had no difficulty understanding and accepting that, and after firmly pushing his impatience to one side he nodded his head.

“Then I shall accompany you,” he stated, also leaving no doubt that anything would change his mind. “I shall learn from my woman which of them was most responsible for giving her harm, and that one will be mine alone. Is it agreed?”

“With the greatest of pleasure,” Murdock assured him, that faint, cold smile reappearing on his face even as he leaned more heavily on his cane. “Since our business here is now taken care of, we can . . .”

“But our business here isn’t taken care of,” I interrupted, knowing that Murdock was about to return to the transfer slip-with his very good friend. “Or, at least my business here isn’t taken care of. I need to speak to Lee—

Ian and the others for a while, and it isn’t something that can be put off. Are you going to wait for me, or do I have to make other arrangements to get to my final destination?”

“There aren’t any other arrangements you can make,” Ashton said in annoyance, matching her brother’s response to what I’d said, but managing to get the words out first. “Terrilian, you know how much of a hurry we’re in, so why can’t your business wait a little while? Now that these w’wendaa of Vediaster will be joining us in the attack, we’ll be seeing them again very shortly. You can wait until . . . .”

“That’s something else that needs to be discussed,” I cut in again, glad the point had been brought up. “You maneuvered the w’wendaa into wanting to join you, and I expect to hear some damned good reasons as to why it was done. I won’t be their Chama for very much longer, but that doesn’t mean I’ll let them be taken advantage of. Do you want to tag along while I hold my discussion with them, or do you want to wait in the slip or the transport?”

“I think you know I’ll be right there with you, and there won’t be any ‘tagging along’ to it,” Ashton answered, her expression letting me know how much more annoyed she was in case I missed it in her mind. “If whatever you have to say to those people won’t wait, then you’ll take care of it now, but you’ll do it as fast as possible and you’ll do it the easy way.”

Then, before I could say anything else, she turned to a patiently waiting Leelan.

“Please excuse the rudeness of our having spoken so long in another tongue,” she began, undoubtedly sensing how some of the women were holding off feelings of insult. “I have just been informed by Terril that she wishes to speak with you and your sisters, and have in turn informed her that I will accompany you all so that she may be-guarded. May I ask that a place of comfort be chosen for the discussion, so that my task need not be unduly difficult to accomplish?”

Leelan and most of the others chuckled at the way Ashton had invited herself along, their previous insult forgotten behind the satisfaction of knowing their Chama was being properly looked after. I didn’t consider it nearly as amusing, but before anyone could get to either agreement or argument, an altogether different precinct was heard from.

“From what does my wenda need to be guarded?” a voice asked, one that wanted to be more of a growl and would have preferred demanding to asking, but was trying not to take its mad out on those who weren’t the cause of it. “I see naught here to menace her, however, should I be mistaken in my beliefs, it will be this l’lenda who guards her.”

“Be at ease, l’lenda, I merely spoke in jest,” Ashton said at once, looking up soberly at the very large man who stood so close to her. “In the midst of friends, Terril has need to be guarded only from herself. Our healer wishes her to refrain from exerting herself, therefore have I made it my task to accompany her and see the matter done properly. These w’wendaa are already aware of this, and for that reason are undisturbed.”

“Yes, the woman is indeed prone to-overlooking the wishes of healers,” the big Rimilian answered, not quite feeling annoyed as he glanced at me. “I have only recently learned of her doings here in Vediaster, and will discuss them with her when her memories have completely returned. For now I shall merely accompany her and, as I have said, see to what guarding she requires.”

“Your assistance would be most welcome,” Ashton said with a grin, glancing at me while enjoying a private joke. “In point of fact if you wish it, I shall be most pleased to assist you, rather than the other way about. I have learned that Rimilian l’lendaa are possessed of a certain-talent-when dealing with their wendaa, a talent those raised elsewhere, male and female alike, appear to lack. As Terril has been banded as yours . . . ”

“Enough,” I said in what was very close to a growl of my own, up to here with people who were deeply concerned about me-for reasons of their own. “I belong to none save myself, and grow weary of having strangers and near-strangers speak of what I shall be made to do. What I shall do is confer with those I came to speak with, which requires no further discussion on the part of others with reference to me. Have I made my wishes sufficiently clear?”

“Indeed, Chama,” more than one of the women around me muttered at once, while Leelan and Ashton exchanged highly., significant glances. What the glances were supposed to signify I couldn’t quite tell, but they were definitely highly significant. The big w’wenda and my supposed aunt seemed to be-waiting uncomfortably for the other shoe to drop, is the closest I can come to defining their emotions, not exactly the most technical definition I’ve ever given, but still more than fitting. They were more wary than nervous, and I didn’t understand why they seemed to brace themselves when the Rimilian Tammad stirred where he stood.

“Wenda, those who speak of seeing to your well-being do so because of their love for you,” he said, for all the world as though he were gently lecturing a small child, those blue eyes back to memorizing every inch of me. “Though I find it-difficult to accept that you now see me as no more than a stranger, under no circumstances shall I attempt to comport myself as though you were similarly unknown. You are my hama sadendra, my most beloved memabra, and it pains me to see how thin you have grown beneath that badly chosen item of supposed clothing. You are my belonging, and I care little for the state in which others have kept you.”

“That’s too bad about you,” I said in Centran, deciding it might be best to settle things with him then and there. “Whatever-state—I’m in right now is due to the keeping of no one other than myself, and that’s the way it’s going to stay. Not only don’t I belong to you, I don’t know you and don’t want to know you. I’m sorry if you can’t see it the same, but there’s nothing either of us can do about it. As far as I’m concerned you are a stranger, and I’ve had too much done to me lately by strangers to want any more. If you try forcing the issue I’ll defend myself, and please believe me when I say you won’t enjoy that sort of attention from me. Do us both a favor and go find someone else to be your belonging. I’m simply not interested. ”

I tried to turn away from him to Leelan with that, having found it harder to say the words than I’d thought I. would, but his hand came to my arm to keep me from turning. The touch was unbelievably gentle, almost completely unrelated to the knife-sharp pain his mind was trying to both control and ignore, and the oddest look appeared in his eyes.

You have learned well the proper response to challenge from strangers, hama,” he said, and damned if he didn’t somehow sound-proud. “What remains, however, is for you to learn the sight of one who is no stranger. That, too, will come in its proper time.”

His hand moved from my arm to my cheek, the second touch as gentle as the first, and then he turned away to move through the crowd toward where Murdock waited a short distance away, seated in the folding chair one of his assistants had brought along. I thought it probable he was going to tell Murdock he’d changed his mind about coming with us, and the relief I felt over that let me turn back to Leelan with something of a smile. Hurting the man hadn’t been pleasant, but at least he would no longer be around to make me do it again.

With all the extraneous nonsense taken care of, the women were finally able to lead me inside the palace to a room where we could talk. On the way inside we passed the group of men who had more or less come along with the one called Tammad, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that I remembered and recognized a number of the faces. Seeing him brought back memory of Dallan, Leelan’s memabrak and the man with whom I was helid, but remembering him also told me I’d be smart to just raise a hand in greeting, smile warmly, and keep on going. The expression on his face said he wanted to talk to me, but I had no time and even less desire to be lectured. I didn’t know what the subject of the lecture would be, but I could remember how good Dallan was at never having trouble finding something.

The room in the palace chosen for our discussion was large, of white stone draped with gold, white fur carpeting and golden cushions. It had to be one of the rooms meant for the Charm’s use, and the arrival of servants with food trays and wine came as no great surprise. The women who had come with me-including Deegor’s belated arrival-were the ones who had organized the attack against the palace, and once everyone had tasted the food and drink we got down to cases. I explained that I had come to tell them I could no longer be their Chama, and then sat back with the delicious fried meat strips I’d helped myself to and let them get the arguing out of their systems.

They tried every argument they’d used on me the last time wed discussed the point and then added a few wrinkles, but it all came down to my wanting to give up the honor, and their unwillingness to let me. It went around and around with everyone having their say, Ashton silent but listening carefully from her place beside me, and finally I held up a hand.

“I had thought, from the last time we spoke, that all of you had agreed to understand and comply with the needs which move me,” I said, looking around at them. “Your need was for the presence and assistance of one who would find it possible to best Farian, mine was to be gone on my way once that task was seen to. As your needs have been met, I now ask that mine be considered. Am I to be allowed the freedom I yearn for, or am I to be kept chained by imposed demands of duty and responsibility?”

The minds all around me suddenly filled with a lot of upset, the roiling emotions pointed up even more by the complete silence in the room. They all wanted to tell me that I wasn’t looking at it right, that being chama was a very high, important position and not slavery, but they all knew well enough that freedom and slavery were personal outlooks not seen the same by everyone involved. That I’d helped them when they needed it couldn’t be denied; I’d left it to them to say whether or not they would do the same for me.

“Terril, we are all aware of your desire to be elsewhere, and know as well that the desire is no reflection on those of us here or our city,” Relgon said slowly after a moment, trying to force some order out of the chaos of her thoughts.“ ‘ Although it may seem that we have failed to consider your wishes, you must know that we have attempted to find one who may be Chama in your place. A part of our difficulty lies in the fact that you, yourself, have no issue, Farian had none, and no female other than Leelan is about as the issue of she who was Chama before Farian. Those l’lendaa who are brothers to Leelan were driven from Vediaster by Farian, and therefore are not present to band one with the power and legitimatize the seat she takes.”

“Even were it possible to find one of sufficient power to be banded,” Deegor put in, an exact duplicate of Relgon except for the sword she wore. “Our laws demand that our Chama be the one who is possessed of the greatest power, and none we have encountered before or since our first meeting with you, Terril, has shown the strength you are capable of. Were we to choose one of lesser strength, our laws would be no more than mockery, and we find ourselves unable to betray our country in such a manner. Perhaps you will find it necessary to leave us with our dilemma, and should that be so we will surely understand. We will continue to lack a solution, yet will we be filled with understanding.”

“Filled with understanding,” I muttered under my breath, seeing Deegor’s calm expression mirrored on more faces than just her sister’s. I’d tried making them feel guilty for insisting that I keep the job of Chama, and it had worked until Deegor’s counterattack. None of them would blame me if I simply picked up and walked out, but that wouldn’t solve the problem I’d helped create and was partially responsible for. Whoever they chose would not have the strongest mind possible, not as long as I remained among the living, and no matter how many oaths I swore about never coming back, the possibility remained that some day I might. At that point their chosen Chama would be nothing more than a sham, sitting her throne only because I allowed it by not challenging her. No one could be an effective ruler under circumstances like those, not unless-not unless

“I believe I have it?” I said, sitting up so suddenly among the cushions that I nearly spilled the golden wine filling the goblet I held. “You here must have a Chama with the strongest mind, and yet I must be off and about other doings. How speak your laws upon the point of one who represents an absent Chama, one appointed by the Chama to rule in her name?”

Everyone began speaking at once, then, some insisting there was no law like that, some saying there couldn’t be such a law, and some cautiously suggesting there might be a tiny bit of merit to the suggestion. It was impossible separating one voice or mind from the next, and then Deegor held up her arm for silence. She needed Relgon’s help to bring everyone down from the ceiling noisewise, but after a minute or two she was able to get to what she wanted to say.

“It brings me surprise that most here have no memory of what is commonly done when the Chama travels,” the w’wenda said, looking around at her countrywomen. “Perhaps Relgon and I, having attained greater age than many of you, are more familiar with such things. When Kirdil, mother of Leelan, chose to travel to neighboring countries, there was ever one appointed by her to sit the throne and speak with her voice. Should such a doing suit our Chama Terril, who here has the power to deny her?”

“Sooner should we put the query as to who might have the power to sit for her,” came the sour answer supplied by Siitil, a w’wenda of Leelan’s age who tended to be sour even when she was reasonably happy. “The strongest among. us is Relgon, and yet has Relgon ever maintained that she will only advise and never rule. Her delight that the place of Chama would not be hers was clearly unfeigned, therefore do we gallop our seetarr and yet remain where we began.”

“It would scarcely be proper for one such as I to accept any such position,” Relgon said as most of the eyes in the room came to rest on her, her sigh doing nothing to cover the unyielding determination in her mind. “Those of my family who have come before have ever been advisors, a position of much pride and responsibility; never were we ones to be advised. To usurp a position neither desired nor earned-to fall before the temptation of the weak and covet a place most properly belonging to others-to consider the thing even for a short while- No, my friends, such a doing is beyond me. No more may I do than advise one who sits the place rightfully.”

Siitil held her hands up in a gesture showing she wasn’t surprised and a couple of the women began trying to argue with Relgon, but those of us who could feel her mind knew arguing would never move the older woman. It was almost a matter of reverse snobbery, with Relgon feeling, in effect, that to accept a higher position would be lowering herself, and on top of that her attitude was a family tradition. She would advise any legitimate ruler, but the only candidate for that spot was

“And what of you, Leelan?” I said, remembering well enough how I’d assumed she would take the throne after the battle was won, and how surprised I’d been that no one, including her, considered her qualified. “As it was you who failed to recall the need to inform me of the great honor awaiting my success in besting Farian, perhaps you will now make amends by becoming my surrogate. As your mother sat the place of Chama before Farian, who would there be to say you had not the right?”

“Terril, Leelan has not the power,” Deegor said gently but firmly as Leelan looked down at the goblet in her hands, the minds of everyone else agreeing. “She, of course, would be ideal, and yet does she lack that which even a surrogate must have. To rule, even in the name of another, requires the presence and use of the power.”

Again most of them began talking at once, all of it suggestions as to who might be strong enough—and trustworthy enough-to be my surrogate, the sudden noise mounting too high for me to have the chance to say that Leelan did have the power. Even as I reexamined her embarrassed and self-accusing mind I could see how much power she had, and wondered as I had before why she didn’t use more than a small fraction of it. She was able to feel power or the lack of it in the minds around her, but as far as using her own was concerned . . .

My mind-tool of calm control slid into place as my inner sight moved closer and closer to Leelan, the rest of me floating along with no more than faint curiosity to be felt. Most of me was so relaxed I was almost asleep, but one small crew of tiny, invisible workers was briskly busy and getting on with the job in hand in a businesslike way. The job in hand was Leelan’s mind, a mind that had somehow seemed strange without my knowing why, and the crew was busy checking into the matter. Her mind was healthy and strong, well adjusted to life in general and her own life in particular, no hidden hang-ups keeping her from doing something she could but didn’t believe she could. My inner sight went closer and closer to her, my mind blending and meshing with hers, the two flowing together, breathing together, feeling together

And then we reached the block, the small, badly constructed block that only did part of its job, crude workmanship that also felt as though it was supposed to be temporary. I suddenly had a very strong suspicion as to what it might be, but understanding it wasn’t the important part, removing it was. Leelan had been living with it so long it had almost become a part of her, and I couldn’t simply dissolve it without bracing her, or the sudden shock could damage her mind. I brought more of my strength into her mind, then slowly and carefully withdrew to leave her on her own.

I had to blink a couple of times before I saw her face instead of her mind, and then it was another moment before what I was seeing made sense. Leelan sat bolt upright beside the cushion she’d been leaning on, her legs folded stiffly in front of her, an amazed look on her face, wine spilling to the carpet fur past her knee due to the slack hold she had on her goblet. The world had suddenly widened and brightened for her, and it would take a short while before she got used to it.

It was only a matter of seconds before someone noticed Leelan and what she was doing, and then Relgon, Deegor and Siitil, the three other active minds in the group, also noticed her inner difference. There was a small riot as everyone left their places to crowd around the happily grinning w’wenda to throw questions at her, or perhaps I should say almost everyone. The sole exception stirred where she sat to my right, as though coming out of a daze, and then her hand touched my shoulder.

“How in hell did you do that?” Ashton demanded in as low a voice as the noise in the room permitted, sounding faintly outraged. “And for that matter, what did you do? From where I was sitting it looked like you just-touched her—but touching shouldn’t have- What in hell happened?”

“She was blocked,” I answered, stretching up straighter where I sat and taking a deep breath as my mind-tool faded back out of control. “All I did was dissolve the block to let her natural ability come through. Building one in Kel-Ten’s mind was harder, but in his case I didn’t have to brace him.”

“You dissolved a block I couldn’t even detect,” Ashton said, this time speaking flatly and looking at me in an odd way, her hand leaving my shoulder. “Every now and then someone in the community is found to have the ability for such fine inner sight, but that’s usually all they can do. I’ve never heard of a Prime being able to—”

She broke off with the odd look still peering out of her eyes, then shook her head as though to chase it away. When her gaze came back to me it was the faintly impatient, faintly irritated one I was used to, and she raised her hand in a banishing gesture.

“That isn’t something to be discussed here, only between the two of us,” she said, not far from giving the impression I was the one who had brought the subject up and was insisting on talking about it. “Let’s just add it to the list for when we get home. But to get back to Leelan, how could she have been blocked? Did some enemy of her family decide to try keeping her from becoming Chama after her mother?”

“It’s possible, but I doubt it,” I said, fleetingly wondering how well that list of my abilities would go over with the fine folk back “home.” I was supposed to be one of them, but people have been known to turn against an odd bird in the nest even if the bird grew up with them. Which I hadn’t.

“My guess is that Leelan was the victim of an unintentional accident,” I said, glad that my curtain was still firmly over my mind. “If you stop to think about how powerful her mother had to be to qualify for the place of Chama, and then picture a woman trying to concentrate on something important while her baby is broadcasting the way talented babies do- She probably never even noticed wishing there was something she could do to stop the noise just for a little while.”

“You mean you think her mother constructed the block without even knowing she was doing it?” Ashton asked with her brow wrinkled, and then she was slowly nodding her head. “Something like that would never have occurred to me, but I’ll bet you’re right. She blocked little Leelan’s output to give herself a break, having no idea she was doing it so she couldn’t undo it. It looks like those who keep insisting we bring all actives into the community as soon as possible are right. If Leelan’s mother had been a trained Prime she could have shielded, and then the accident would never have happened.”

I didn’t quite know what to say to that, but it turned out to be a good thing I wasn’t well prepared to ask Ashton all sorts of carefully calculated questions. The women in the room with us had finally figured out that I was the one who had freed Leelan’s mind, and their wild delight suddenly came spilling over onto me. Everyone seemed to be laughing and shouting words which were totally incomprehensible, and then Leelan was crouching beside me, her hand reaching for my shoulder.

“Indeed are you one whose like I have never before seen, Terril,” she said, looking as though she were in the midst of a dream she intended enjoying to the full before waking up. “Each time you seek to chastise me for having cozened you, you give me more than ever before was mine. It occurs to me I would be wise to anger you again, merely to discover what new marvel you would gift me with.”

“There is a limit to the marvels even I am able to produce, Leelan,” I answered, laughing along with everyone else at what shed said, feeling how gently but firmly her fingers tightened in thanks. “Best you concern yourself with learning the use of that which you now possess in full, and leave the angering of me to others. After having spent the time I did among my enemies, giving me anger may well bring gifts few would be eager to have. And now that my surrogate is chosen and accepted, I must be on my way.”

Protests and disappointment came from everyone as I got to my feet before finishing the golden wine in my goblet, but none of them was seriously thinking about trying to stop me. They hadn’t missed the fact that I’d given Leelan nothing in the way of orders or instructions about ruling, knowing as well as I that if she didn’t do it right, no one would. They told me sternly that I had to come back to visit the country that was mine on an often, regular basis; I assured them solemnly that if I had any choice in the matter I would do exactly that, and then Leelan made her first decision as my stand-in. ,

“We cannot allow our Chama to walk about in torn outlander clothing as though she had naught save that to wear,” she announced, frowning at the light brown uniform which was the only thing I had to wear. “Before you leave us, Terril, you must dress as befits your station, else shall those who see you pity our country for being bereft of all dinga. Would you have others think of us in such a way’?”

All those pairs of eyes in the room were suddenly on me, so I sighed and gave in without an argument. If I didn’t want everyone to think Vediaster was penniless, which they would if they saw me, I had to go along with the suggestion. It was hardly an unreasonable request, and wasn’t likely to take too long in the seeing to.

Which it didn’t. It was only a matter of minutes before I was being led into the Chama’s rooms, and seeing it told me immediately what had bothered me so about Kel-Ten’s apartment. The large chamber was decorated heavily in gold, just like the First Prime’s surroundings, and there was something about the place that depressed me. I couldn’t quite remember what the source of the depression was, but that didn’t really matter. In another few minutes I would be out of there, and that would take care of the problem.

I was brought an outfit of trousers and shirt and sandals in gold and green, and while I got into it a couple of female servants packed four or five spare outfits-as well as the old stuff I got out of-into leather pouches to take with me. It felt odd having a wardrobe like that, one that belonged to no one but me, one that had been earned through efforts of mine. Back on Central I had a much more extensive wardrobe, supposedly earned by my being a Prime, but for some reason it wasn’t the same. I tucked the soft green shirt into the tight, clingy, gold cloth trousers, and felt a satisfaction unlike anything I had experienced when dressing on Central.

“Now do you appear much more presentable,” Leelan said as she stopped beside me, having come back after inspecting what the servants had packed. “Should your memabrak find this clothing less than satisfactory, however, you must gently recall to him that this is the custom of those of Vadiaster. As you are now ours as well as his, he must strive for understanding and acceptance.”

“Leelan, I have no memabrak,” I said, finding a large amount of instant annoyance at the thought that someone else would try telling me what I could and couldn’t wear. I’d had enough of that at the complex to last a lifetime, and wouldn’t have let it happen again even if I had to get nasty. “You were unable to comprehend a good deal of my conversation with that l’lenda, I know, therefore allow me to assure you that he was clearly told of my lack of interest in him. His departure was a considerable relief to me, and it seems highly unlikely that he will approach me ever again.”

“Ah, Terril, to be bereft of one’s memory is a greater loss than I had ever thought it,” she said with a sigh, her blue eyes looking down at me with compassion. “The l’lenda Tammad is indeed your memabrak, and will not so easily give over what is his. This I tell you as one sister to another, so that upset will not claim you when you discover yourself mistaken. In time shall you recall him and the love that was between you, and then . . .”

“And then shall I likely be too advanced in age to be overly concerned,” I finished for her, looking around to see that there was nothing left to do that would keep me there. “You have my thanks for the interest you show on my behalf, sister, and may be certain that the bond between us is a thing I shall never forget. Will you and the others favor me with your accompaniment to the conveyance which awaits me?”

For a moment Leelan looked as though she wanted to add to what she’d already said, but with the other women assuring me that the honor of seeing me off was theirs, she changed her mind and simply added her own agreement. Ashton, who had been standing not far from the door silently watching everyone and glancing around, also seemed to have something to say, but she did the same about joining us in leaving without turning the need vocal.

It was a faintly regretful but well-enough satisfied group that stopped at the foot of the transfer slip’s ramp, raising hands in farewell while Ashton and I continued on up. When I turned to wave a final good-bye, I saw that the pouches containing my clothes had been given to one of the transport crewmen standing to either side of the ramp, a man who made no effort to tell the big, armed w’wenda who gave him the things that it wasn’t part of his job to handle passenger luggage. He’d had the urge to say something like that at first, but then he seemed to remember where he was and who he was about to say that to. The urge was squelched quickly and firmly, and then he and the other were following us up the ramp.

“You may think that was funny, but you can bet that crewman isn’t taking it any way but seriously,” Ashton said in a low voice as she led the way into the slip, obviously having seen and felt what I had. “He’s never had to face a w’wenda, probably never even met one before today, but it didn’t take him long to see what most people do: you don’t mouth off to one any more than you would to a l’lenda. You wanted to know why we were so happy to have the bunch of them agree to be with us when we attack the complex? If what just happened doesn’t give you a hint, you’ll never know.”

She walked away from me then to find a seat around the outer edge of the circle of the slip, but she hadn’t left anything behind that still needed saying. I’d been so close to those women—and they’d been so close to me-that it hadn’t occurred to me how others would see them. They were warriors, dangerous, deadly fighters you’d have to be insane to want to start up with, and the gentle way they’d treated me didn’t change that. I shrugged inside myself, knowing there was another reason Ashton hadn’t yet mentioned as to why she and the others wanted the w’wendaa, but if no one brought it up in a reasonable amount of time I would simply ask. I had other things to think about right then, and I preferred leaving the subject of the w’wendaa of Vediaster for an occasion when I would not be distracted.

Which certainly didn’t apply to the time right then. It wasn’t until I had taken a seat of my own not far from Ashton’s, that I noticed there were only four of us in the slip, not counting the two people flying it. I looked around in a very blank way, then turned to Ashton.

“What happened to Murdock and the others?” I asked, silently congratulating myself for being so observant that I hadn’t noticed there were people missing until the slip was already lifting from the ground. “Have they decided to settle in Vediaster, and just forgot to tell me?”

“The slip took them over to the community, then came back for us,” she answered without looking at me, a faint amusement turning her lips up in something of a smile. “It’s so close to this city we could almost walk—if you could get to the community by walking. My brother will be delighted to hear that you actually missed him enough to ask.”

Her eyes moved over to me with that, the laughter in them matching her smile, but her attempt wasn’t fooling me in the least. She was trying to distract me from where we would soon be by giving me something to get angry over and argue about, but it hadn’t the faintest hope of working. Instead of answering her I left my seat to activate a view port, and tried to think about nothing but looking out.

Ashton was right about how close the community was, and from what I saw was also right about no one being able to walk to it. In a matter of minutes we had passed over the part of Vediaster it had taken days to cover on seetar-back, with the valley of Gerleth, Dallan’s country, taking its turn sliding by far below us like a handmade miniature nestled in a cup. A large chunk of impassable mountain range came next, its gray and white bleakness chilling me even at that distance, and then we began to slide out of the sky. On the other side of the range was a valley that looked even larger than Gerleth, but where Gerleth had a number of passes leading in and out of it, this second valley didn’t seem to have any. It was locked up tight within walls of stone, and flying looked to be the only way in or out.

It really is amazing how fast a transfer slip can reach the ground from very high up, without anyone in the slip feeling the least sense of movement. We landed near what seemed to be a fairly large town, not quite on the scale of the city of Vediaster, but looking a lot like it. The area was unwalled and the surrounding fields were neatly planted, there was forest in the near distance into or out of which a pleasant stream ran, and people could be seen all over the streets of the town, and in the fields, and near the forest. It came as a shock that most of those people seemed to be darkhaired, with blonds only a small percentage; in other places on Rimilia you rarely saw anyone who wasn’t blond, and . . .

“Don’t you think you’ve been standing next to that port long enough?” Ashton’s voice came from behind me, too gentle to be called intrusive. “We’re home, Terrilian, and you don’t have to be afraid of what you’ll find here. Besides, Murdock left me a message with the pilot that you’ll be staying at his house for the afternoon. Irin has gone off hunting with Rissim, and they won’t be back until later. Once they do get back we’ll be lucky if they don’t break the door down trying to get to you, but until then we can all have a nice, quiet visit. Come on; Murdock must be wondering what’s keeping us.”

I think I would have preferred standing by the port a little longer, pretending to be sightseeing instead of admitting I was hiding, but Ashton’s arm around my shoulders didn’t let me do that. The heavy twisting inside my middle had postponed the knifing instead of giving it up entirely, which meant I might as well go ahead and do what I could before the real attack came. I sighed privately on the inside, wondering where all the hurry I’d felt earlier had gone; and let Ashton urge me out of the slip.

Somehow the air was warmer in that hidden valley than it had been in Vediaster, and we walked from the transfer slip into the town. I carried the pouches of clothes without minding, hugging them to me just a little as I walked and looked around, not really hiding behind them but also not feeling quite as-exposed. No one came rushing over offering undying love and/or friendship—which was a relief but quite a lot of the people we passed greeted Ashton with their minds, faint curiosity rippling in my direction. The town had dirt streets and one-story houses and shops, stalls clumped together with an occasional one standing alone, people moving through it, kids playing-everything I’d seen before more than once on Rimilia, but at the same time-different.

For one thing, it wasn’t just the big blond men who wore haddinn and swordbelts. Most of the men on the street were armed, and they seemed to have quite a lot of the-arrogance and untouchability-that I usually associated with l’lendaa. The dark-haired warriors were just as big as the blonds they outnumbered, but there was the faintest shadow of deference from dark-haired toward light. As far as the women went there were very few blonds, and quite a number of the dark-haired ones had green eyes.

Which still didn’t entirely account for the difference I felt. Letting my senses move out past the curtain I continued to maintain finally showed me what the main difference was: no clamor of uncontrolled minds. Even in Vediaster, where a large number of the women were mentally active, walking or riding through the streets brought that din of minds that had always made it necessary for me to shield in some way. The community had no more than a murmur as a backdrop-with an occasional “shout” from one of the children who briefly paid more attention to the game being played than to mental calm. Everyone else seemed to be-considering the people around them, and consciously keeping the noise down.

“This one’s Murdock’s house,” Ashton said with a touch to my arm before gesturing to a small building on our left. “He’s not here often enough or long enough to need more than a few rooms, but those of us who stay enjoy spreading out a little more. Come on inside.”

She led the way to the metal-braced wooden door and through it, held it for me, then closed it behind us. It was dim and cool in the small entrance hall we had entered, and Ashton didn’t wait for anyone to come out to greet us. She immediately led the way to the left, brushing aside a cloth hanging, into a room that was large enough to hold more than a dozen people easily. It was made of polished dark wood and decorated with bright cloth hangings and carpet fur, had cushions scattered around and a large fireplace with a fire set but unlit, and candle sconces appeared here and there on the walls. Two double doors in two of the walls had been thrown open to provide light and air, and Murdock himself half-reclined on a special chair that didn’t rise more than a few inches off the floor. At first glance he seemed to be relaxing among the floor cushions, and I suddenly realized that was exactly the way he wanted it to look.

“Well, we’re finally here,” Ashton announced unnecessarily, heading straight for the pitcher and goblets that stood on a small table not far from Murdock. “For a minute or two I really believed I’d be bringing an ordinary citizen out of Vediaster with me, but they ganged up on her. She now has a ‘surrogate’ to handle business while she’s not there, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s still their Chama. ”

“it would have surprised me had the matter gone any other way,” Murdock answered, his cold, wintry smile standing as poor agent for the warmth of welcome in his mind. “The w’wendaa of Vadiaster feel no confusion or hesitancy when it comes to knowing what they want, and what they want is Terrilian as their Chama. Since it’s quite impossible at this time for them to accept anyone else, they sought for and found a way to keep her. Do have a cup of kimla, child. It was prepared not long ago so it must still be warm.”

“What do you mean, they ‘ganged up’ on me?” I asked from where I’d stopped, addressing both of them even though it had been Ashton who had said it. “They didn’t like the idea of me not being Chama any longer, but if I’d really insisted they would have had to let me go. What choice would they have had?”

“The same choice they did have,” Ashton said, straightening away from the small table with a cup in her hand. “Even though they couldn’t reach through that curtain to your mind, they knew you were reaching through it so they projected belief in their cause almost nonstop. Even the ones who aren’t supposed to be actives were doing it, and I could almost see the way your determination to let them work out their own problems became the determination to help them work it out. You need to learn how to tell when you’re being pushed around, girl. We’ll be glad to take care of it when you start training with us.”

I couldn’t decide which was more irritating, Ashton’s grin or the knowledge that I’d been forced again to do something someone else wanted. That had happened to me too often in the past, suddenly waking up to the realization that someone else’s mind was affecting mine without my being aware of it, and I didn’t care for the idea even a little. I’d have to do something about it in the very near future, but Ashton’s “training” would probably not be the something.

“We really don’t intend stealing those clothes until much later, so for right now you’ll be safe in putting them down in a corner somewhere,” Ashton said, taking a short step forward before sitting on the carpet fur with her cup of kimla. “That’s one of the nice things about being in the community—we warn our victims before we strike. ”

“I think I would really enjoy having someone strike at me right about now,” I muttered with a glare for Ashton’s grin and Murdock’s amusement, then looked around for a place to put the pouches I still held. “The only thing I ever slammed at with full strength was the Hand of Power, but lately I’ve been getting this urge- I never realized it before, but every now and then enemies do come in handy.”

“One of the purposes of enemies has always been as an outlet for aggressions,” Murdock agreed, watching as I put the pouches down near a wall then headed for the pitcher of kimla. “Life becomes a good deal easier in the living, when one is able to give one’s anger to someone other than friends. Are you able yet to discuss what befell you among our enemies?”

I waited until I had poured the cup of kimla and had moved around to sit opposite the two before looking at Murdock, and then I merely shrugged in answer to his question. His words had approached the subject as carefully as his mind, and I wasn’t being pressured into talking about anything I couldn’t. Both he and Ashton had asked during the trip back to Rimilia, and when I’d ignored their gentle inquisitiveness, they hadn’t pressed the matter.

“You’re going to need the information at some time, so it might as well be now,” I conceded, raising my cup to sip from it. “It’s-unpleasant to remember, but remembering isn’t as painful as living it was. I woke up in a small room, all alone and unable to remember how I got there, and then a woman came to take me to someone who was called the director of the complex. I found out later he wasn’t really the head of the place, only someone they used as some sort of figurehead, an obvious incompetent to be looked down on and considered harmless. He-tried to key me into the heavy conditioning and at first it worked, but then he-tried putting his hands on me, and for some reason that broke me out of it.”

“Even adopted Rimilian women know who has and doesn’t have the right to touch them,” Ashton said, her mind refusing to let her hot-glowing anger flare up out of control. “The first time I visited here I decided Rimilian women were doormats, taking anything their men cared to give, but that isn’t true. They were raised in a culture totally different from Central and Central-derived ones, so they accept things we look at as impositions. What they don’t accept is being touched by any man who doesn’t have the right to touch them, and their men back them on that completely. If any man on this world tried suggesting he’d raped a woman because she encouraged him, he’d be maimed and then dead so fast he wouldn’t have time to understand his mistake. For Rimilian men all women are encouraging and arousing; it’s up to the man to control himself until he finds a woman of his own.”

“And conditioning of any sort would have difficulty holding a mind like yours for very long,” Murdock put in, carefully keeping away from a topic that belonged to women to discuss. “They had no way of knowing that, of course, which made it a stroke of luck for our side. I do, however, find myself curious to know- Were you able to learn the identity of the true head of the complex?”

“As far as I could tell, it was a man named Serdin,” I answered, making a face before drinking more of the kimla. “He was the one I used to get me out of the complex, and nothing he said was questioned by anyone. If he doesn’t run the thing, the Secs don’t know the difference. ”

“Serdin, of course,” Murdock muttered, his mind going as cold as his expression usually was. “He rose through governmental ranks by the simple expedient of quickly showing a talent for knowing when to look the other way, of ruthlessly thrusting others out of his way, and for divining which of those around him were destined for power. He suddenly dropped out of sight a few years ago, and the unofficial explanation was that he had retired because of poor health. It must surely have been Rathmore’s idea for him to be behind an incompetent figurehead; Rathmore finds it amusing to let half of those he associates with believe the other half can’t be trusted or relied on. It gives them a false sense of security and power he can then take advantage of as he sees fit.”

“What did you mean, he was the one you used to get you out of the complex?” Ashton asked, her eyes narrowed as she stared at me. “What could you have done to talk him into it? Threaten to shrink his office by crying all over it?”

“Oh, I didn’t have to threaten him,” I came back, her manner retrieving all that irritation I’d been feeling only a short while earlier. “He decided he was curious as to what the other men in that place found so attractive about me, so he was going to try me for himself. His interest made it easier getting a grip on him, and after that he thought he was serving his own ends with everything he did. No female-‘guest’-had a chance of getting out of that place by herself, but no one tried to keep our ‘hosts’ from doing anything they pleased.”

“You were able to take over his mind,” Ashton said, a quiet statement showing very little of the shock she felt. “I know most of us can influence others for a short time, but it’s very draining even for those trained in the technique. Just as a guess you had to establish control over him, tell him what you wanted him to do, leave wherever you were with him and wait while he followed your orders, then keep holding him until you were clear of the complex. I would have been burned out halfway through that, even if things happened one after the other with no delays in between. But you weren’t anywhere near burned out, were you?”

Her second statement had no backdrop of shock to it, nothing but rising excitement that put the start of a grin on her face. She was sure everything she’d said was true, and that pleased her!

“Don’t you know how to do anything right?” I asked, wondering why I was feeling so uncomfortable. “You’re not supposed to like the idea of what I can do, you’re supposed to be afraid of it. What do they teach you people in this place?”

“They teach us that experiment has proven what one of us can do, so can the rest,” she answered at once, that faint grin growing and widening. “If I see someone who’s better at something than I am, I get started right away trying to find out how they do it. Spending time resenting them for managing it before I did is a waste of time, and I’m too busy to have much of it to waste. And now that you mention it, how did you develop that much strength?”

“Now that I mention it?” I repeated in outrage, trying to decide how I ought to feel. If they really did welcome those who were different as potential new sources of an increase in their own ability . . . “Ashton, if anyone deserves experiencing what I did in order to develop this kind of strength, you have to be the one. Maybe I ought to promise not to let anyone else try it first.”

“Somehow that doesn’t strike me as being what most consider a generous offer,” she responded, immediately suspicious as she studied me. “I don’t know the details of everything you went through, but . . .”

“Excuse me, but we’re back,” a voice broke in from the curtain behind me, drawing Ashton’s eyes and interrupting the frown Murdock had begun developing. Even if I’d been completely shielded I would have known who it was, and I mentally kicked myself for not once thinking about who Murdock’s agent in my company could have been. There really was only one person it could have been, and I turned where I sat to look up at Lenham Phillips.

“Hi, Terry,” Len said with an attractive grin on his handsome face, my brother empath greeting me casually after no more than a short time of us being apart. “They all thought I was crazy not to worry about you more, but somehow I knew you’d get away from those clods. When it comes to picking the winning side, any side you’re on is the one that gets my money.”

He stood in front of the curtain that had fallen closed again behind him, not quite as large as a Rimilian but just as blond and blue-eyed. The haddin and swordbelt he wore were relatively recent additions, given to him after he had gotten to Rimilia. I knew him better as a coworker in the XenoMediation Bureau back on Central, but I also remembered the last time we’d seen each other—and knew I should never have trusted him.

“You seem to be over your upset now, Len,” I remarked, referring back to the time he also had reason to remember. “After we parted company I had the silly idea you might be avoiding me-especially since you didn’t show up to say good-bye before I left for Vediaster. I didn’t know then that you were probably just too busy making a report to be able to get away, so I spent some time worrying if you were all right. Silly of me, wasn’t it?”

“If you’re saying I owe you an apology, you’re right,” he answered, the grin gone but his eyes making no effort to avoid mine. “You scared me badly with that trick you pulled with my shield, but not for the reason you think. And you ought to know why Garth and I weren’t there to see you off, we had no choice about it. We both wanted to be there, but . . . ”

“But you let it slide because letting me know I had some friends wasn’t an effort important enough to make a fuss over,” I finished for him, seeing his flush and feeling the same in his mind. “Making that kind of a stand might have brought you too much in the way of attention, and then you might have had to explain what you were really doing there. Don’t worry about it, Len, I understand completely. We all have our priorities, but I can’t help wondering what more you would have had to go through in the slave kitchens in Grelana if you and Garth hadn’t been two of my higher ones. You probably would have been freed the next day anyway, so it couldn’t have been much . . .”

He stared down at me without saying anything, the protest in his mind dying away before it could be vocalized. Only someone who has been a slave can know what even one extra day in slavery means, and Len and Garth hadn’t had an easy time of it. Len’s light eyes were full of pain as he finally understood that his not being there to say good-bye was like my not being there would have been for him and Garth, but I was the one who had been stupid. Only in dreams can you trust other people not to betray you, and even if they do it doesn’t matter that much. When I turned my back on Len to show I’d said everything to him I cared to, I could feel the protest being reborn in his mind. It was almost as though I could see the hand he extended toward me, the unspoken attempt to apologize and ask to be forgiven, but his crying mind couldn’t find the words. Ashton, frowning, sent comfort past me with her own mind in an effort to ease him, but although I could also feel that she wanted to say something, it wasn’t her words that got said first.

“As you recall that much, wenda, you must also recall that the fault was neither Lenham’s nor Garth’s,” a deep voice came, calm but faintly disturbed. “It was I who commanded them to keep away, therefore is the responsibility for the doing mine. Should you feel the need to heap accusation and establish guilt, it is I who must be addressed. ”

“What’s he doing here?” I said to Murdock, who was half distracted and half upset, none of which showed on his face. “Why did you bother establishing this community in such an inaccessible place if you drag in every stray who comes along?”

“Terrilian, I’m sure you know by now that Tammad is no stray,” Murdock answered, looking and sounding very tired. “You should know as well that Lenham meant you no harm in his role as my agent, and was not permitted to tell you the truth despite his wish to do so. You are understandably upset by all the things you’ve learned and are about to learn, and are therefore striking out at everyone in reach. Perhaps it would be best if I had you shown to a room where you might rest.”

“I’m not in the mood to rest,” I denied with a shake of my head, more than eager to be away from all those minds I could feel behind me, but not about to let myself be chased off like a small, helpless animal. “You said you wanted to know what happened to me in the complex, and right now I’m ready to talk about it—which I might not be again. If you’re ready to listen, get rid of your pets. ”

“I will not be dictated to in my own house,” he answered, the coldness in his voice and eyes the only indications of the growl in his mind. His twisted body didn’t stir in its special chair, but in all other, more important ways, he stood straight and tall. “These people, like you, are my guests, and I will not have them insulted. You may either be shown to a room, or you may speak in front of them, and frankly I would prefer that you rested. You have hardly had an easy time of it, and . . . ”

“I’ve already said I’m not in the mood to rest,” I repeated, close to a growl of my own. “If you want everyone in the universe to hear this that’s your business, but I’m getting it said. After that, don’t ask me about it again.”

No one said anything else right then, or if they did I didn’t hear it. I was so-twisted tight and whirling inside, just as though there were something wrong with me, which of course there wasn’t. I looked down at my hands while Murdock’s-guests-brought themselves into the room and found places on the carpet fur, their minds making such a clamor I almost exchanged my curtain for a shield. Two women entered behind them, one with a tray of goblets and one with a pitcher containing drishnak rather than kimla. I could smell the spicy Rimilian wine as soon as it was in the room, and even knew the order in which the men were served. First Garth and then Len, then Dallan and Hestin—the healer from Vediaster—and lastly- I found myself wishing I could run somewhere and hide, but instead began speaking.

“After the incident with the figurehead director, I was taken to the main part of the complex,” I said, still staring at my hands as I took up pretty much from where I’d left off. “Everyone in sight told me what a shame it was that the conditioning hadn’t held, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t expected to do what the other women there did. I was put on display for their exalted male Primes, got chosen by one, but didn’t please him as much as I was supposed to. When he put a hand inside my clothes I slapped him, which amused no one at all. They apologized to him for having inflicted me on him, took me to a room where they caused me more pain than I’d thought it was possible to feel, then dressed me up and sent me back to the man I’d insulted. I was being given one more chance to please him, and if I didn’t do it I wouldn’t be given another.”

“Would they have killed you?” Ashton asked very quietly when I paused to sip my kimla. “It doesn’t make much sense going to all that trouble to kidnap someone and then simply throw them away if things don’t immediately work out. Can they be such fools?”

“They aren’t,” I answered, only right then realizing I’d shed my curtain for a shield after all. “You seem to forget that it wasn’t my mind they needed, but my body. All they had to kill was my mind, my knowledge of self, and then my body would do just as they wanted. I was so terrified at the idea I thought I’d do exactly what they told me to, but I seem to be incapable of acting intelligently in situations like that. When the man humiliated me I insulted him again, this time in front of everyone in the room, and they all went foaming at the mouth. It would have been finished for me right then and there—if the First Prime of the complex hadn’t stepped in to claim me.

“Kel-Ten made them all back off, and then he took me to his apartment,” I said after a very brief pause. “He wasn’t shy about helping himself to my use, but that wasn’t the main reason he’d exercised one of the privileges of his position to make me his. When we were in a place where we couldn’t be overheard, he told me he wanted to escape from the complex and was offering me the chance to go with him. He needed the help of another Prime he could trust in order to get out of there, and told me that if I agreed to go along with his plans, he’d key me awake.

“I can’t say I really trusted Kel-Ten, but he was offering the only option I could accept aside from suicide—which everyone in that place would have done everything they could to prevent. When I agreed he took advantage of the situation to treat me like a slave, using me to ease some of the pressure all those drugs they fed him caused him to feel, but he also kept his promise. He awakened me when he said he would, and I hid the condition behind a shield. The great Primes in the complex don’t know how to shield-not through their own choice, anyway—and after that everything should have gone smoothly.”

“Only it didn’t,” Ashton said, still helping me out while I looked at no one at all. “You were all alone in those woods where we found you, so either you two escaped together and then separated, or the man never went with you. From some of the other things you’ve said, I would guess you escaped alone.”

“I wouldn’t have left him behind if I’d been certain he could go with me,” I said in little more than a whisper, closing my eyes against the nagging guilt I continued to feel. “The male Primes all thought they were so free and well-treated, but they were just as conditioned as the women, only in different ways. When I asked Kel-Ten what happened to a First Prime who was defeated, the question never registered in his mind because they didn’t want him thinking about that. He told me that at one time he’d tried refusing to cooperate with them, and they’d forced him to change his mind. They knew he still disliked being there so they gave him everything he wanted just to keep him satisfied. It occurred to me that they might have also given him the hope of escape-just to keep him going—but had conditioned him against ever really trying it- I couldn’t take the chance, I just couldn’t! ”

“No, taking a chance like that wouldn’t have been very smart,” Ashton said with gentle reassurance from very near, and then her arm was around me. I didn’t realize until then that I was trembling, but didn’t try to pull away even though I had no need of her support.

“It would have been worse than not very smart,” I said more calmly, sitting unmoving against the arm around my shoulders, my eyes open again but staring down at the carpet fur. “They have nulls as guards in that place, and one of them decided he wanted me. While Kel-Ten was busy covering the female Primes he’d been assigned to, the nullused the opportunity to enjoy himself. That happened the night before I was awakened, but the next day I found out he planned on doing it again that very day, and my being awakened would have been no use at all. I wouldn’t have been able to stop him from hurting me again, so I-ran. I had myself sent to Serdin’s office, found out that the null was too important a man to be denied a little thing like-what he’d done to me—and would do again-so I took over Serdin’s mind and had him get me out of the complex—and when I got into the woods the Ejects told me I’d be found no matter how well I tried to hide—which meant there was a tracer under my skin somewhere—and then they drove me off to keep me from leading the complex people to them when I was found—they get used as targets for the male Primes in their training—and then- I don’t remember much after that besides running.”

“Treda, be calm, you are safe now among friends,” a soothing voice said from my right, and I almost told it not to be silly, that I was calm, but then I realized how hard I was breathing. It also came to me that my eyes were closed again and that Hestin, the one who had just spoken, had a hand wrapped around my right arm as his other hand stroked my hair. I didn’t know how he could have understood what I’d said since I’d been speaking in Centran, but there was no doubt he had because he was speaking in Centran. And then there was someone to my left, someone who wasn’t Ashton.

“Hama, you have my word that I will seek out the ones who gave you pain and will end their lives!” that deep voice said, the tone so full of fury that I nearly cringed to think of what the mind behind it must be like. “Not again shall I allow you to be taken from my side, no matter that in this last instance the choice was not mine. Not again will it be allowed to occur.”

The words were almost all growl, the sworn oath behind them so clear even someone without hearing couldn’t have missed it. I shuddered without being able to stop it, only beginning to realize how ill I felt, then quickly leaned away from the wide arms that were starting to go around me. I didn’t want those arms around me, and when I moved against Hestin his grip on my own arm tightened just a little.

“Tammad, my friend, the woman is not well,” he said, surprisingly with a frown in his usually even voice. “Pain lingers in her on too many levels, and for some reason she has done no more than merely begin the healing of herself. Also, she must surely continue to have no memory of you, for the spirit within her retreats in haste from the touch of your hands. Clearly must you exercise patience in regard to . . . ”

“What do you mean, ‘the healing of herself’?” Ashton suddenly demanded of Hestin, no apology in her tone for having interrupted him. “Is that what you call her use of pain control, or is there something . . . ”

“Part of that pain has to be my fault,” Len said, his voice filled with misery and guilt. “Terry, please, you have to believe I didn’t mean to hurt you like . . _”

“Don’t let what they did to you bother you any more, Terry,” Garth said, sounding utterly savage. “I’ll be designing a good number of the attack plans against them, and when I’m through there won’t be anything left of . . .”

I sat there staring at the cup of kimla in my hands, surrounded by noise that was climbing higher and higher in its level of strength. Murdock’s voice added itself to the others and so did Dallan’s, both of them merging into the rising explosion that was making me want to put my hands over my ears and race out of there. In one way or another all those people were trying to make me believe they cared about me, but all I felt like was a rock in a river, something the violently swirling current was forced to go around. I couldn’t . . .

“Silence!” a deafening shout suddenly came, a very deep voice that had used sheer lung power to overcome the cacaphony that was about to split the walls. It had come from behind me, in the direction of the door hanging, and quickly got the silence it had demanded. When I realized everyone was looking that way I twisted around to do my own looking, and saw the man and woman who had evidently just come in. The man was in haddin and swordbelt and was just as large and blond as all Rimilian l’lendaa, but the pretty woman was more my size, with dark hair and light eyes. She wore a long, full skirt that was almost a caldin but made of sturdier material, and her long-sleeved blouse was more tunic than imad. She also stood in a pair of plain but well-made sandals, and for some reason she was staring directly at me.

“Well, doesn’t time fly when you’re having fun?” Ashton commented from behind me in a drawl. “Is it sundown already, Irin?”

Irin. The woman didn’t answer Ashton but she also didn’t stop staring, and suddenly I felt very hollow inside. Those two standing at the door, the man now joining the woman in her stare—they had to, be-my real parents