The Warrior Victorious

7

But tomorrow morning was still a long way off. When Kel-Ten was through with me he laughingly ordered me to the thick, soft carpeting on the floor, belly down while he showered off the sweat of his most recent exertions. He left me there while he went to throw our clothing into the wall cleaner in the bedroom, already having refused me another bath even before I’d asked. He seemed to be trying to get me used to the idea of having his spending inside me with no opportunity to rid myself of it, the way it would be when my protection finally wore off. I spent my time on the floor trying to pull handfuls of silky carpeting loose, my thoughts too black even for me to dwell on.

Once we were back into our newly-cleaned clothing, we left the apartment again. For some reason the sight of all that gold was beginning to bother me even more than it had when I’d first seen it, as though I’d once seen something similar and hadn’t enjoyed the occasion. Rather than wasting time trying to pin down memories made purposely and permanently elusive, I simply accepted the annoyance and dislike I felt and followed Kel-Ten back down to the area where his classes were to be held. Paying attention to something important would rid me of useless, extraneous feelings like the ones clashing around inside me, and the classes were definitely categorized as important.

The first one we went to was a large room with about thirty men, and once I’d been fussed over by some of them Kel-Ten was able to put me into a far corner with no one bothering any more about me. The room, I saw, had no windows, and from the flat sounds of voices and such in my ears I decided it was probably shielded in some way. The floor I sat down on had thick white lines painted on it, with numbers on the walls. apparently corresponding to the lines. When a man wearing a black uniform came into the room and closed the door behind him, the Primes who had been milling around joking with one another began moving to different places on various parts of the lines.

Once everyone was arranged in the way they were apparently supposed to be, the man in black stood himself on a short line in front of the room. Rather than being all the way in front himself, Kel-Ten stood on a line farther away from the front than anyone else, and the man in black looked at him and smiled.

“Good afternoon yourself, Prime Kel-Ten,” he said, nodding with what seemed to be satisfaction. “Were any of you in the first line able to feel that greeting? No, of course you weren’t, because despite the strength of the projection, Prime Kel-Ten was using a tight beam to me alone. Your own strength will develop as you go along, but precise control is something you have to practice. This is the place you’ll be practicing it, and at increasingly greater distances. Once you’re able to reach me from the same line Prime Kel-Ten is standing on, you’ll know you’re ready to challenge him. I would not advise trying it before that.”

A ripple of laughter went through the room, and those in the first line stirred in what seemed to be discomfort. I had the impression they were new to the class on control, and the man in black’s joke had somehow been at their expense. For a while the class went silent as the man in black looked at each Prime in turn, nodded as though he were getting something from him, then went on to the next. After the last of them was done and nodded to, the man in black looked around again.

“Now everyone will take the same place one line back and try the greeting again,” he said, giving most of his attention to the front line. “As you can see from the wall the distance between each line is two feet, and those are the increments of extra distance you’ll be trying for. We start newcomers off at a distance short of the twenty to twenty-five feet you’re already capable of covering, and then you work your way up to more and more distance. Please don’t forget that control is the important part here, so when you can reach me from thirty feet away, you won’t really be reaching me until you can reach only me. If the man standing next to you or in front of you feels it too, your control isn’t what it should be.”

He nodded to the members of his class then, a gesture which sent them back the one line he’d asked for, and then everyone went silent again. I noticed that Kel-Ten also stepped back one line even though no one was close enough to crowd him, and out of curiosity looked at the number on the wall of his new line. The numbers were large and bright, a glowing yellow easily read against the dark brown paneling of the wall, and I had to be very careful to keep all expression off my face. The First Prime of that complex, the man everyone was so in awe of or proud of, stood on the line with a 47 beside it, meaning the new range he was trying for was forty-seven feet. Forty-seven whole feet.

I stirred where I sat on the floor in the back corner of the room, momentarily enjoying feelings of ridicule and superiority, but then common sense came along to bat me between the eyes. Kel-Ten had decided to turn me back on the very next morning, but what would happen when he did? I already knew I couldn’t try pressing for memory of what I could do, but wasn’t there something that would show him the difference between our minds? Everything I’d seen and heard about so far had struck me as no more than baby tricks, which logically meant I was capable of doing a good deal better. What would happen when Kel-Ten found out about it? Would he be delighted and decide to move up the date for our escape attempt, or would he feel so threatened and jealous that he would quickly try turning me off again? If he decided against using me to help, could I stop him from making me helpless again? What in hell was I going to do?

I spent the rest of that class time fretting and trying to consider the problem unemotionally, but didn’t have as much of an opportunity as I’d thought I would. It wasn’t very long before the man in black told them that was it for the day, and I looked up to see a group of very wilted men heading for the door out of the room. Kel-Ten was coming to me instead of leaving, and although there was still a lot of spring in his step I could see the sweat on his forehead when he bent to take my hand and pull me to my feet.

“Did you see that?” he asked, satisfaction in the light eyes looking down at me. “Before very long I’ll have that new mark established, and then I’ll only be eight feet away from the all-time record. You have no idea how badly I want to break that record, sweet thing, and every day that passes brings me closer to it. Once I have it it’ll be my name on the golden plaque, me everyone else has to measure up to. There’ll be a celebration the likes of which hasn’t been seen in this place in years, and you’ll be there to share it with me. I have to admit I’ve been letting it slide lately, but now that I’m back to it I’ll be trying harder than ever.”

He put his arm around me and began leading me out of the room, and I almost gave in to the urge to bite my lip. Was he serious about how much he wanted to break that record, or was he simply announcing to our unseen listeners another reason why they’d be stupid to take me away from him? I didn’t know which the truth was and would have immediately started worrying about it, but a question had occurred to me that he should be able to answer.

“Kel-Ten, who set the record you’re trying to break?” I asked, turning my head to look up at him as we walked. “And for that matter, what became of the Prime you won first place from? Was he knocked down to one of the two second places? How many times has he tried getting first place back?”

“Yes, sir, that celebration will really be something,” he said, his grin widening as he shook his head just a little. “All classes will be canceled for the entire day, everybody will dress up in the best they have, and no one will do anything but party. I’d better stop thinking about it, or I’ll be useless in my next class.”

He laughed lightly and squeezed me gently with the arm he had around me, and then fell silent for the rest of our walk up the corridor. For my own part I wanted to shiver violently, because I’d been watching his face when I’d asked my questions. He’d started out listening, I knew he had, but once my first question was out his face had gone slack until I’d finished. Once I was done he’d come alive again and had talked about the celebration, just as though I hadn’t said a word! He wasn’t ignoring me, he’d been-programmed-against hearing or thinking about anything like that! What happened to the First Prime once he was bested was a taboo subject, most probably right along with what happened to every Prime once they’d reached their limit. And I’d been jealous of the men in that place for being free of the conditioning the women were subjected to!

Wondering about what they did with Primes who had reached their full development occupied me until we got into the next room, and then I gave up on the question as a complete waste of time. There was no way of knowing what they did with them, but it was highly unlikely the men were accorded anything as simple as the death given to women who could no longer bear children. I was certain that that was the fate of most women who were beyond being bred, but the same thing wouldn’t be done to men who had been put through that very thorough training. You don’t go to such lengths to train people who are slated for nothing more than death, but what could they possibly . . .

“This next class may frighten you, but I don’t want you interrupting it by making any noise,” Kel-Ten said, bringing me back to where I was supposed to be. “Just sit in your corner like a good girl, and it’ll be over before you know it.”

He patted me on the head as I sat down in a room exactly like the last one, then he went to join the other men who were there. They weren’t the same men who had been in the previous class, and when a new instructor in black came in they all spread out along a single, line. That let me see there were fewer of them, at least until three Secs herded in a matching number of men dressed in bright orange coveralls. The newcomers were somehow different from the men already there, thinner and looking less well cared for, shambling rather than walking normally. They were prodded into line opposite Kel-Ten and the others with twenty feet between the two groups, and then the Sees moved back to the now-closed door and the instructor inspected his students from where he stood at the lefthand wall.

“All right, everyone at once,” he said, sounding and looking downright bored. “Let’s start with fear.”

Some of the men in orange had come in looking deathly frightened, but the next instant it wasn’t a matter of just some. I gasped back into my corner when every one of them began screaming, some with eyes stretched wide, some with eyes and fists squeezed closed, all of them sounding as though they’d been pushed off a tall building or were about to be jumped on by a starving carnivore. The instructor let it go on for about ten seconds, and then he shouted, “Defeat!” and the screaming cut off as if someone had thrown a switch. Half of the men in orange collapsed to the floor and one or two covered their heads, the rest just standing where they were with rounded shoulders and heads down low. Their attitudes said it was all over for them, everything was all over, but that was just the emotion they were made to feel. Everything wasn’t all over, it was only just beginning.

After that the instructor had the Primes manipulate their victims one at a time, hopelessness, doubt, bitterness, hate, and even cruelty. Every dark emotion there was was practiced on the men in orange, but Kel-Ten had been right when he said it wouldn’t last long. Even with taking turns the Primes were quickly too tired to go on, and in significantly less than half an hour it was over. The men in orange were sprawled on the floor, most of them twitching from the series of terrible emotions they’d had forced on them in such quick succession, the Secs in charge of them coming away from the door to stand over them. Once again the Primes heading out of the room looked wilted, and as Kel-Ten approached me I could see he wasn’t doing much better.

“Now we get to take a short break,” he said, looking faintly pleased that I was rising to my feet alone. “That one really takes it out of you, even more than all that exercising I did this morning. We’ll use the lounge just a couple of doors away from here.”

He took my hand and led the way back to the door, paying no attention to the way the Secs were prodding at the men in orange to get them to their feet. One of the men was crying openly, sobbing out the pain of what he had just been put through, the sound of hopelessness so heavy in it that everyone listening should have felt the emotion as claws along nerve endings. We came closest to them as we passed through the doorway, and it was then that I became aware of the conviction that the men weren’t normals, but empaths like us. Since it wasn’t likely they were Primes, I shuddered at the sure knowledge that that had to be what became of some of the babies who weren’t-lucky-enough to be born especially gifted.

“Just take it easy, you did fine in there,” Kel-Ten said, dropping my hand in order to put an arm around me. “We do have to have someone to practice on, after all, and there are certain things you can’t aim at an instructor and still expect him to be able to go on instructing. That’s their purpose, to be targets for us, and it really isn’t as bad for them as it looked to you. Come on, the lounge is in here.”

The new doorway off the corridor he urged me through brought us into a room decorated in browns and tans and grays and greens, all deep calm and deep relaxation colors being used and appreciated by the five men already in the lounge. The couches and chairs were very soft leather and the accompanying tables matched, and when Kel-Ten dropped onto a dark brown couch he immediately used the arm server to order himself a drink. It carne fairly quickly and wasn’t all that large, so four swallows later he put aside the empty glass and smiled at me where I sat beside him on the couch.

“Now I’ve got to rest for a while, so you might as well take it easy yourself,” he said, drawing his legs up onto the couch and folding them in front of him. “If any of those jokers tries bothering you while I’m out of it, just remind them how fast I’ll be back—and how well-rested I’ll be. I’ll even be ready to take on your usual temper again. ”

He grinned as he tried chucking me under the chin, grinned wider when I moved my head to avoid it, but he didn’t pursue the matter. He looked close to being totally drained with even the grin appearing forced, and he’d already gone as far as he could. He turned his face from me and took three very deep, very slow breaths, and by the end of the third he was completely under. Deep trance through self-hypnosis, something I’d learned myself a few years earlier, but had never thought to use to return my own strength when I needed it. I actually spent a minute wondering why I hadn’t before the disgust set in, causing me to slump back in amazement at the unbelievable stupidity I seemed capable of. If you know you’ve been conditioned, how can you wonder about the things it never occurred to you to try?

After a couple of minutes of soaking in self-derision, I straightened on the couch and drew my legs up to the left of me. One of the other men in the room had been eyeing me and the way I’d been sitting, his lazy grin aimed at how high that shirt was on my thighs. Not being particularly anxious to encourage trouble I decided I’d better watch what I did a bit more closely, but sometimes trouble doesn’t need encouragement to find you. No more than five minutes after Kel-Ten went under, a shadow fell across me, and there was a white uniform standing directly in front of me. I looked up slowly, somehow knowing who I would see even before my eyes touched him, and the Sec Adjin looked back down at me with a faint grin on his face.

“The people in charge of you think you need a little more body fat, so they sent me with this midafternoon snack for you,” he said, gesturing with the cup and packet he carried before crouching down closer to me. “I happen to think you look fine just the way you are, but we’ll still do it their way. Here, take it and eat it.”

He handed me the cup of meat soup and the packet of crackers, and I couldn’t seem to do anything but take them. My heart was hammering again and my hands felt cold, my insides were turning and my mind had gone numb, all of me overwhelmed by the fear reactions coursing through me. I didn’t know what it was about that null, but just looking at him made me want to run and hide and never come out. His dark eyes stared directly at me, the enjoyment in them showing he knew exactly how frightened I was, and then his right hand rose and slid under the bottom of my shirt to touch the inner part of my right thigh. I closed my eyes for a moment as I fought to keep a lurching whimper inside, and then I hurried to eat the food that had been sent me.

Square food goes down in lumps no matter what its original texture and consistency is, and the soup and crackers more than qualified. I swallowed it all without tasting any of it, desperate to get that null away from me, praying that finishing the snack would accomplish that end. Once again no one knew what he was doing to me, his broad body blocking the view of whatever men were in the room and probably doing the same for any observation or recording devices there might be. His hand held to me as two of his fingers moved in a teasing way, but I was too terrified to find the gesture at all arousing. I took the empty packet and stuffed it into the emptied cup, set it down on the couch to my left, then found that my desperate hope hadn’t been in vain. The null squeezed my thigh one last time before withdrawing his hand, and then took the empty cup and straightened.

“And they said I might have trouble with you,” the Sec commented with a good deal of amusement, not minding in the least that he was talking to the top of my head. “You won’t ever give me trouble, will you, pretty girl? See you again some time.”

With that he walked away, leaving the lounge without even a single glance back. I found I was trembling so hard I might have had the chills, and if I hadn’t been controlling myself rigidly I would have thrown up what I’d just eaten. I put one hand to my head and leaned back against the soft leather trying to calm down, trying to understand why I felt like that when that one Sec was near me. He was far from being the only null in the place, so why did I go into a panic only when he was anywhere near me? What could my reaction possibly mean?

Thinking about it got me absolutely nowhere, and all that came out of the time was a reconfirmation of my decision not to tell what he was doing. No one in that facility cared enough about me to stop him from doing just as he pleased, at least not on a permanent basis, so what was the point in saying anything? There wasn’t anyone anywhere who really cared about me, something I’d understood and accepted a long time ago, so getting used to that new situation wouldn’t be all that hard. It really added very little to the hurt, but the cold was something else again.

It wasn’t more than another few minutes before Kel-Ten’s breathing rate changed again, showing he was coming out of it. When he did he stretched hard and called up another drink, downed it as fast as he had the first, then pulled me off the couch and out of the lounge. He was all recovered and ready to go back to it again, and I had just enough time to wonder what was in those drinks he’d had. Iii thought at first that they might be alcoholic, but they seemed, instead, to be bracers of another sort. I could just remember that alcohol ruined control and concentration more than almost anything, which meant they were giving him something else. If there was one thing they didn’t want, it was having their star Prime lose his control and ability to concentrate.

His next class was already assembled and waiting for him, and this time it was a matter of delicate handling rather than gross manipulation. The Primes had a different group of men in orange coveralls to work on, and what they did was have a victim walk from one side of the room to the other, each Prime deciding when he would cause his target to trip, or fall, or forget where he was going, or suddenly become unsure of himself, or any one of another half dozen things. Some of the targets were set to putting something simple together, like a child’s building toy, and the object then was to keep them from doing it right. The Primes were scored on the unnoticeability of what they did, the largest number of points being given to Kel-Ten when he caused his target to put a piece in wrong but fail to notice the error. The target was confused when his building collapsed, not knowing why it had happened, but the other Primes cheered and the black-uniformed instructor grinned and offered his congratulations.

Again the class didn’t last very long, but this time we didn’t go anywhere when it was over. Kel-Ten sat crosslegged next to me in my corner and closed his eyes, this time in a light trance rather than a deep one, waiting only until the room was cleared of its previous occupants and the new ones had arrived. The newcomers turned out to be an instructor and five strange Primes, and when the men were standing along one of the lines and the man in black was to the far side of them, Kel-Ten opened his eyes and got to his feet. He strolled more than walked to the short line previously used by an instructor and stood himself on it facing the five men, and then he smiled at them. Although their backs were to me I had the impression they weren’t returning his smile, and when the instructor told them all to get ready they seemed to stiffen. Kel-Ten, twenty feet away from their line, was the only one who didn’t.

“Number one, please begin,” the instructor said, and the man at the extreme right stirred when Kel-Ten’s eyes went to him. They stared at each other in silence for a while, the seconds ticking heavily by, and then the man with his back to me grunted and staggered backward from the line he’d been standing on. It was almost as though he’d been pushed away, and I looked over to see that Kel-Ten’s smile had returned.

“Not bad, sir, not bad,” the instructor said to the man who wasn’t returning to the line, true satisfaction in his voice. “Your strength is improving quite a bit from what it was, and this time you were able to hold your ground for eight seconds. You other gentlemen will take your marks from that, and please note that the Prime is remaining back from the line now that he’s been forced away from it. Number two, if you please.”

Kel-Ten looked at the man who had been second from the right, and again his stare was returned. This time, however, there was less of a wait before the man stumbled back, and then it was the third man’s turn. Seconds for him and seconds for the last two, and then none of them remained on the line they’d started from. Kel-Ten was sweating hard and looking drained again, but his smile was one of triumph as he stood proudly on the same spot he’d started from.

“For four of you gentlemen, that was your initial experience against the strength of the First Prime, Kel-Ten,” the instructor said to the men who were standing where they’d been forced to, most of them also looking drained. “This exercise lets you compare your own strength to his, and tells you how far you’ve yet to go before you can consider challenging him. I’m sure each of you noticed that the distance was minimum rather than maximum, which is another point for you to consider. When you think you’ve made significant progress you’ll ask to come back here, and then, like the fifth of your number, you’ll find out whether or not you have. This is a practice rather than a challenge situation, something you’ll find out more about as your growth continues. That’s it for now, gentlemen, and I hope to see you all again quite soon.”

His dismissal of them was polite but cuttingly casual, especially when he turned his back on them to go to Kel-Ten, and began pouring out congratulations and praise. The five men were silent as they filed slowly out of the room, but their sullen anger and jealousy and airs of vindictiveness were so strong I could almost feel them where I sat. Kel-Ten was being used as an object of hatred to goad the others on to try for his level of ability and position, but I doubted that he realized that. He must have thought they were simply after the golden prize, the thing his masters wanted him to believe.

The First Prime was stroked hard and long for his excellent performance, and then the man in black left the room. I was already on my feet and waiting by then, not exactly patiently, which Kel-Ten noticed with a grin when he finally called me over to him.

“I know you couldn’t appreciate that, but you can take my word for the fact that I was great,” he said, putting an arm around me. “Doesn’t it give you a thrill to have been chosen by the best man here?”

“I’m absolutely overcome with awe and gratitude,” I said with a yawn, ignoring the rough arm around my shoulders. “What heart-stopping excitement do we go to from here?

“From here we go back to my apartment so I can shower and rest up for dinner,” he answered with a laugh, squeezing me a little before heading us out of the room. “You have to be on the receiving end of that before you learn what tired really is, so don’t be surprised when you don’t immediately find me all over you. I’ll need a short nap before I can do a proper job of assault.”

“I’m glad you told me,” I answered, still pretending to be extremely bored. “If you hadn’t, I might have begun worrying that I was losing my attraction for you. If that ever happened, I don’t know how I’d console myself. ”

“Oh, right,” he agreed with even more of a laugh, heading us directly down the center of the corridor and making everyone else walk around us. “I can just see you crying yourself to sleep—which I just may decide to see that you do anyway.”

He was still chuckling when we reached the bank of lifts, but then he was distracted by a knot of men standing in the area laughing and talking together. He seemed to know what was going on, and when we moved closer to them I got my own idea. Ank-Soh was standing in the middle of the knot being congratulated, and when he saw us approaching he left his admirers to come over to us.

“He didn’t have a chance, Kel-Ten,” he announced with a grin, confirming my guess. “Another challenger met and bested, one who seemed to have overlooked the fact that I’m also growing and improving. What’s your range these days?”

“I’m reaching for forty-seven, Ank-Soh,” my companion answered, the blandness in his voice worse than smugness would have been. “And you?”

“My win was at forty-two,” the other man answered, a faint smile accompanying his own blandness. “A couple of days ago, I began reaching a little higher than that. Everyone says my growth has really improved over the last few weeks, more than they would have expected. And how are you, sweet thing? Have you been enjoying yourself spending the day with the First Prime?”

“It’s been an unforgettable occasion,” I muttered, stiffening as his hand went into my shirt the way it had that morning—but making no attempt to back away. He grinned down at me as his fingers and palm enjoyed my flesh, and then his eyes moved to the man standing to my left.

“Congratulations, Kel-Ten, you’ve made quite a bit of progress with her since this morning,” he said, stroking the pet while he spoke to her master. “I look forward to the time you’re too busy to give her the attention she needs. I’ll check with you again tomorrow.”

He took his hand back without looking at me again, bowed sardonically to Kel-Ten, then ambled away to return to his friends. Kel-Ten dialed open a lift door, pulled me inside with him, and fumed silently only until the doors closed us in.

“That son of Ejects!” he snarled then, his good humor entirely vanished. “He still thinks he has a chance of besting me! And wouldn’t they love seeing that, one of their hot-house Primes besting the wild and captured First! Those of us raised outside of this complex and only brought in later have always been best, but Ank-Soh is more interested in advancing than in being pampered. Damn him and his ambition!”

He lapsed into silence after that, a dark roiling silence that took us all the way back to his apartment. I didn’t have to be told he was in no mood for swapping clever conversation, but keeping quiet didn’t keep me from getting singed on the edges of the flames. The fingers around my arm had grown painful by the time we reached the golden bathroom, and being thrown to the carpeting in the middle of the floor was almost a relief.

“Stay right there until I tell you to get up again,” my owner growled as he kept moving past me, pulling his shirt off over his head as he went. “Belly down and cheek to the carpeting, and don’t let me hear a word out of you.”

The only thing I would have said to him wouldn’t have done any good for me with anyone listening, so it was just as well that I’d been told to continue with my prudent silence. I turned my head from him and put my cheek to the carpeting in accordance with the rest of my orders, then closed my eyes and fought to gain control of my body. Ank-Soh’s touching me had started the burning again, not as badly as it had been earlier but bad enough, and I didn’t want to feel that way. If I couldn’t get it under control I’d have to beg Kel-Ten for relief a second time, and I especially didn’t want to do that. His mood would make it more than simply unpleasant for me, that I knew beyond doubt, and my backing down in front of Ank-Soh had been humiliating enough.

As it turned out, I didn’t have to worry about begging Kel-Ten. He moved around very briefly before the sound of water came, took his shower fast, then strode out of the room. I waited for him to come back and tell me I could get up, fighting all the while with the need that insisted on rising, and finally it came through to me that he wasn’t coming back. He had walked out without paying the least attention to me, possibly even without seeing me, and had gone to take his nap. He must have known I’d have a problem after Ank-Soh’s little gesture, but since he wasn’t up to doing anything about it he’d just gone ahead and ignored it. It was easy to see how really concerned he was about me, just like everyone else.

I suppose it would have helped if I could have fallen asleep, but my body saw to it that I wasn’t able to sleep. Kel-Ten napped for hours and I experienced every minute of the time wide awake, my mind uninterested in thinking, nothing but sensations and emotions occupying it. It was a painful, endless time, but one that somehow seemed very familiar, almost as though I’d gone through the same thing before. Being too alone in an unendurable situation, afraid to let yourself think about what was being done to you, knowing that if you started to think the tears would come, marking the end of all your attempts to be brave. I wanted to give up but I couldn’t afford to, not when giving up would mean much more than simply losing. There are things worse than death, living being one of them, or more properly being forced to live on under certain conditions. I rubbed my cheek against the carpeting, wondering why I kept thinking of it as fur, wondering why my mind took hope from that—then rejected the hope completely. Why did I have to be haunted by supposedly buried memories. . . ?

“Well, now, will you look at what a good girl she is?” a blurry voice said suddenly from behind me, lazy amusement in it. “Put her to her belly and tell her to stay that way, and that’s exactly what she does. I wonder if she did it because she’s hoping for a reward. Did you want Kel-Ten to reward you, sweet thing?”

If my eyes hadn’t already been closed I would have closed them, not far from wishing the man had stayed asleep no matter how I felt. I didn’t even want to look at him, not to mention talk to him, but he had recovered too much of his good mood to let my obvious reluctance bother him. He came over and crouched beside me, used two fingers to get a more direct answer to his question than words, then closed a fist in my hair and pulled me to my feet.

“I really enjoyed that ride you took this morning, so much so that I think I’ll let you do it again,” he said, grinning down at me as he guided me toward the drychair by the hair. “After this, though, we’re going to find another chair. It’s handy doing it in the bathroom if you want to shower afterward, but otherwise the surroundings don’t do much to encourage my mood.”

He chuckled at his cleverness as he seated himself and pulled me into his lap facing him, and then he proved how restorative sleep can be for some people. It was exactly what I needed and I groaned as I inched closer to him, but his casual comment had disturbed me enough to keep the pleasure from being overwhelming. He had said we would probably not be using the dry-seat again, meaning we would not be speaking privately again, but I didn’t know why until he put his arms around me and began kissing my shoulder and face.

“I’ve decided our talking like this is too much of a risk,” he whispered, letting me do most of the work while he simply enjoyed himself. “We’ll end it now, before I awaken you, giving them less to be suspicious about. But we had to have this last time because I’ve been thinking about tomorrow. Being awakened will jar you a little, but you have to get used to the feeling because it will be happening on and off during the entire day.”

“What are your talking about?” I whispered back, my lips very close to his bent head. “Why will it be necessary to do it more than once?”

“I can’t keep you permanently awake the way I thought I could,” he answered in a murmur, beginning to move just a little under me. “We’re liable to run into Ank-Soh at any time, with at least one meeting already guaranteed, and he’ll know at once if you’re awake. I’ll have to turn you on before every class and then turn you off again, then on again here in the apartment so you can practice. If for some reason it doesn’t work, I’ll have to think of something else.”

“But why can’t I shield?” I asked with difficulty, almost completely lost to what he was doing to me—and what I was doing to him. I knew the conversation we were having was important, but my body considered other things even more important. If I’d had the attention to spare I would have cursed that injection, but I was much too far beyond the ability to curse.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he came back, nearly forgetting to keep on enjoying himself. “What sort of shield are you talking about?”

“I don’t know, but I think I’ll know when I’m awake,” I said mostly in a moan, kissing at him in between the words. “No one will know my mind is active . . . I don’t think they’ll know . . . Let’s wait and see, Kel-Ten, and do something else now rather than talk. Please move a little more, and harder, Kel-Ten, please harder. ”

I took his face in my hands and pressed my lips to his, but it seemed like a very long time before he began to respond the way he usually did. If I hadn’t been so far gone I would have known he was thinking about something, but I didn’t understand that until we had finished up and he had left me to rinse himself off under the shower. By then it was too late to discuss whatever had been bothering him, but not too late to worry about it. I didn’t know myself what I had meant by a shield, the thought had just come without my looking for it, but if it made him change his mind about awakening me I’d bite my tongue out. I ran a weary hand through my hair as I sat on the floor waiting for Kel-Ten, trying to tell myself it wasn’t yet time to be depressed. If the next day came without my being awakened, that would be the time to start thinking actively about suicide.

Dressing for dinner was more of a distraction than I’d expected it to be, since Kel-Ten wasn’t the only one who had something to dress up in. He must have told someone what he wanted at some time during the day when I wasn’t around; when he slid a mirrored door aside at the end of the wall, it was all there and waiting for him. More than half a dozen different creations hung on a rack behind the door, for the most part flimsy things that fluttered in the breeze generated by the door being opened, all of them one shade or another of gold. Kel-Ten inspected them for a moment before choosing one, carried it over to me, then helped me put it on. I’d been expecting to be pleased when I no longer had to wear that shirt, but the new outfit was not what might be called an improvement. The wide jeweled collar had a broad strip of gold material attached front and back, and although the material was solid rather than see-through and came down to my ankles, that’s all there was to it. No belt, no ties, and nothing at all under it aside from me. When Kel-Ten took my hand and began to stride out of the apartment the back panel billowed out like a cape, something he found a good deal more amusing than I did.

Dinner was a glittering affair with everyone in one sort of finery or another, but I couldn’t help noticing that the men were dressed to please themselves while the women were dressed to please the men. I decided to ignore it all and concentrate on eating, but the table chef didn’t deliver the sort of plain meal I was expecting—and hoping for. Plain food is much better when you’re in the mood to brood rather than enjoy yourself, but what I got was sauteed valmin and creamed sinrows mixed with unsalted nuts, tessin soup and dreff salad, baked gimels and glazed finfaws. Again there was just enough of each, something I could tell simply by looking at the portions, and behind the rest of it was a very involved, very high-calorie dessert. That in itself would have been enough to depress me, but the whole thing together was simply too much. I didn’t know if I was being rewarded for proper behavior or simply fattened up for the eventual kill, but it made no difference. I ate no more than half of the food and none of the dessert, also refusing the glass of wine Kel-Ten said I could have. He threatened me half-heartedly when he saw the food left over, saying something about how unhappy everyone would be with me, but he was too distracted to pursue the matter. His mind was very clearly on other things, which meant mine was, too.

After the leisurely dinner was over we joined a number of other people in the “open” section of the floor, standing or sitting around with rain pouring down outside while the men discussed the best ways of achieving this or that desired effect when practicing on a target. Kel-Ten’s advice was asked more often than anyone else’s, which meant he had no trouble letting the discussion distract him. I, on the other hand, was not quite as fortunate, and watching the rain batter mindlessly against the windows all around did nothing to raise my spirits. Again I felt as though the situation was familiar, that I’d watched the pouring rain once before as I waited for something important to happen, something that wasn’t guaranteed to go well. Kel-Ten let his hands move over me beneath the cloth as he spoke to the others, but that, too, was becoming easier and easier to ignore. All I could think about was the next day, and because of that regretted the little I’d eaten.

The discussion was interrupted after a while by the same sort of gentle chiming I’d heard that morning, and the wonderfully free and fearsomely powerful Primes immediately broke off what they were saying and began heading for the lifts. They still talked to one another as they moved, just as they’d been talking all along, but they obeyed the chime without the least argument or sense of rebellion. It seemed obvious they were being sent to beddy-bye like the good little children they were, but not a single one of them realized that. The men were too conditioned to notice, and the women were too intent on the men for it to penetrate the fog. I wondered briefly what they would do if someone was able to make all of them understand what was happening, but then the lift doors opened and I let the pleasant get-even wish simply slip away.

We shared the lift part of the way up with others, but when we reached Kel-Ten’s floor we were all alone. The First Prime didn’t only stand above everyone else he also lived above them, a fact my companion got a lot of pleasure from. There was no trace of his introspection left as he pulled me out of the lift and along the corridor to his apartment, my dinner costume flying out behind me again, and he even chuckled as he watched.

“There are a lot of men in this building who are going to have an easier job of it tonight because of you,” he said, taking my left hand as well to keep it from capturing the flying cloth. “The front section of that thing teases you about what’s under it, the back of it lets you see only enough to tease even more, and all that soft, bare skin to either side makes you lick your lips. The ones with rings to cover will be seeing you instead of the rings, just the way I’ll be doing, but the difference is once tomorrow comes it will be you under me. It’s too bad it can’t be tonight.”

“You’ve got another date?” I asked, finding the news more than heartening as I followed him into the apartment. “What a terrible, awful, horrible, crying shame. Will you be gone all night, I hope?”

“I won’t be gone any of the night,” he answered with a laugh, seemingly glad I was back to starting up with him. “The girls I’ll be covering will be brought to me here, and we’ll be using the bedroom. You’ll come in to sleep there after they’ve gone so I can get to you in the morning, but until then we’ve got to find some place to put you. I’d enjoy having you around to watch me perform, but after a day like today I won’t be up to any more than those three—which means you won’t be able to get in line. If I want you to sleep—which I do—I have to put you somewhere until I’m through.”

“If you’re asking whether I’d prefer this visitors’ room or the kitchen, I have to tell you that’s not much of a choice,” I said, looking around the giant room wed stopped in without much enthusiasm. “There isn’t anything to do in either place, but I suppose in here I can curl up on a couch until your admirers leave. I am a little tired, so . . .“ ‘

“So we don’t want you bothered by all that traffic going in and out,” he finished for me, suddenly back to showing a very wide grin. “We need a place where you won’t be disturbed while you spend your time missing me, waiting breathlessly until you can return to my side. I have a feeling you will end up hoping it isn’t all night.”

“Kel-Ten, what are you going to do?” I demanded as he took my hand again, already beyond suspicion. I knew he was going to do something I’d hate, and I wasn’t wrong. Rather than answer me he simply led the way to the golden bathroom, stopped in the middle of the room, then pointed to the floor.

“Belly down with the front panel smooth underneath you,” he ordered, his blue eyes gleaming from all the fun he was having. He knew I had no choice but to do as I was told, and he was absolutely correct-no matter how I detested that position. I refrained from muttering under my breath as I got into it, but then he crouched down beside me to make it even worse. His hands took the back panel and folded it neatly upward until it reached my waist, then he left the roll of material there as he straightened again.

“Now anyone coming in here to make use of the facilities will have a pretty, round bottom to look at while they do,” he said, the laughter in his voice showing he knew I couldn’t keep myself from blushing with embarrassment. “The girls could come in or I could—or I might even invite a few friends over simply to see how I’ve decorated this room. Are you still hoping my-date-will take all night?”

“What I’m hoping is that you suddenly find yourself impotent!” I snapped, furious with him for doing that to me. He didn’t have to tell me I’d be staying like that until his rings were gone; that went without saying, something I wished he would do.

“Have fun while you’re waiting for your first visitor,” he said with a chuckle, bending to pat my bottom before beginning to leave. “And try not to blush so hard, I’d hate to see my carpeting singed.”

The door closed behind his high good humor, cutting it off rather abruptly, something I would have preferred seeing happen to him. Telling me to stop blushing had only made the problem worse, just as he’d known damned well it would. I leaned on my elbows as I looked down at the carpeting between my arms, trying to convince myself that there wouldn’t be anyone coming in to see me like that. He’d only been trying to torture me for not appreciating him properly, or at least for saying I didn’t. I was sure he thought I really found him absolutely irresistible, just like every other female in that place. If that had been the only point he was dead wrong about, things might not have been all that impossible around there.

It took a while for the extreme embarrassment I felt to fade, but I had the while and then some. I’d been listening hard for the arrival of the women, just to know when my actual wait would start, so I heard the faint sound of giggling in more than one voice pass my door. The next few minutes after that were hard, agonizing over the possibility that he would bring them in to look at me and laugh, but enough time passed that the chance of it became more and more remote. I really hated being put on display like that, humiliated so that someone could enjoy my discomfort and embarrassment, but it looked like I’d gotten away with—

“Oh, now that’s what I call considerate,” a voice said from behind me, a very soft voice that I still had no trouble recognizing even as it froze me where I lay. “Someone knew how bored I’d be, so they left me a toy of my own to play with. I really will have to find out who it was and thank them.”

People who talk about feeling terror spreading through them are ones who have never experienced the real thing. Terror doesn’t spread; it appears full-grown in every muscle of your body, turning you to quivering liquid, turning your mind numb and dead, turning your flesh cold and trembling. I didn’t have to look around to know it was the null Adjin who had come in, and my fingers closed convulsively in the carpeting under my hands.

“Just between you and me, I was expecting to find a toy of my own to play with,” the null said, his voice still very soft but now much closer. “When I saw who I’d be escorting those girls to, I knew there would be someone around with nothing to occupy her. Since I hate seeing idleness and waste, I made certain arrangements to be sure nothing would be wasted, especially not the opportunity. We have this time to ourselves now, but let’s just make sure the Prime isn’t disturbed while he’s seeing to his duty.”

By then he was so close I could hear the sound of his uniform as he moved, and then the roll of material lying on my back was lifted away. If my throat had been able to break through the ice closing it off I would have screamed, and it quickly became clear that he knew it. A moment later the now-unrolled material was in front of my face, his big hand wadding it up, and then the wad was thrust into my mouth. He didn’t want me screaming, at least not then, and had taken steps to be sure I couldn’t.

What happened after that is a memory I would love losing forever, even to forced oblivion. There was no doubt he’d made special preparations for that visit, ones that suited the sort of personality he was. I’d been expecting him to take physical advantage of me and he did just that, but not in the way I’d been anticipating. He’d brought along a pack of sharp, tiny pins, small metal clamps, and a number of feet of thin, rough rope that felt as though it were cutting my skin open even though it really wasn’t. He began by tying my wrists together behind me, and then I was turned to my back for the real start of his fun. Before he began I had no true idea of just how sensitive the “sensitive” portions of the human body are, but before he was very far into it I had learned the lesson all too thoroughly. Clamps produce pain without leaving marks, pin holes can’t be detected easily even when you can feel the burning agony, and thin, sharp rope discourages you from pulling against it in an effort to escape it all. I couldn’t even scream full out, let alone escape, and that made it infinitely better for the null.

By the time he was through with me and the rope was gone I was no longer even whimpering, the red flame of pain encircling me so completely that all I could do was lie unmoving on the carpeting with my eyes closed. Some men enjoy giving nothing but pain, a quiet voice in my numbed mind told me, they can’t find pleasure of their own unless they’re hurting someone. This one knew that any damage he did would be the next thing to invisible, and that I would most likely not try proving it had happened without supporting physical evidence. The carpeting was silky soft under my left cheek, a grotesque counterpoint to the way the rest of me shrieked, and then I felt a finger gently stroking my right cheek.

“I’ll knock on the door on my way out with the girls,” the null whispered, his voice heavy with extreme satisfaction. “You’ll stay exactly where you are until then, and won’t make a fuss either now or later. The only thing a fuss will bring you is trouble, and I think you know that. Next time we’ll probably do something different, to make sure neither of us gets bored. We’ll just have to see.”

He chuckled as he stroked my cheek again, and then he was gone as silently as he’d come. After a moment or two I reached up and pulled the wad of cloth out of my mouth, but aside from that didn’t move. I also didn’t think, which was something of a blessing; the only thing to think about was pain, and it was enough that I had to feel it.

I waited a short while after I heard the knock before trying to get up and walk, finding even then that neither action was easy. I might have stayed in the bathroom despite Kel-Ten’s orders, but it had occurred to me that he would be waiting for me and would at least be able to hold me in his arms. Right then I needed holding very badly, more than I could ever remember having needed it, even when I’d been very small. I made my slow, painful way into the bedroom, knowing the effort would be worth it, forcing myself to keep going until I reached the bed. Kel-Ten was there and would be waiting for me, waiting to hold me and tell me everything would be all right, waiting to stroke my hair and comfort me the way I needed to be comforted. It was very dim in the room, almost dark, but he was there—

Sound asleep on his stomach, his arms buried under the pillow his head rested on, his breathing deep and even and slow.

I took off the costume and crawled into the very large bed, then lay at the very edge of it on my side in one small spot. All I really needed was that one small spot, somewhere to stay until the pain left me. It was lucky I didn’t need anything more, because there was nothing more to be had. It was useless for the quiet tears to trickle down my cheeks, because there was nothing more to be had.