the Wedding (2000)

You can buy it back at auction one day, she joked with him. It had worried her too. Crowds like that were always scary, because you couldn't predict how out of hand things would get before you escaped them.

I just can't believe it. I feel like a real star now. And frankly, Scarlett, you can have it, Jeff said, lying on his bed with abandon.

Not I, she said. That's why I'm an attorney and not an actress. You couldn't sell me that crap for anything. I couldn't stand it for a minute.

But you sure handled it well, he praised her. You were the only one who thought of calling the police. I was just standing there with my mouth open wondering how we were going to get out of there without having them kill us.

The secret is in calling fast. The minute I saw it, I knew.

But as she got into bed, and they lay holding each other tight, still rattled by their experience at the bowling alley, Jeff couldn't help wondering what they were going to do at the wedding.

They ought to get married on a deserted island somewhere, if tonight is any indication of what can happen.

They're actually worse at weddings. That's where fans are about the worst. It drives them into a frenzy. Celebrity weddings are a nightmare, almost as bad as concerts. She laughed, but they both knew it wasn't funny. But try telling Carmen that. She refuses to believe me, and Alan says she ought to do it whatever way she wants. I've been talking to security experts about it ever since they told us they were getting married.

What do they say?

You'll see, she smiled, looking like Mata Hari. But it'll be tight. I can promise you that. As tight as it can be in Vegas.

Why is it, he asked, pulling her even closer under the covers, that I'm beginning to dread it?

Because you're smart. And if they were ‘ they'd elope to somewhere where no one would ever suspect it ‘ some one-horse town in the middle of South Dakota. The trouble is, that's not much fun. But neither is being mauled by strangers.

Next time, I'll wear shoes with laces, he said, wiser after his experience. But even after that, he wasn't prepared for the Alan Carr-Carmen Connors wedding.

Chapter 11

The bus Allegra had hired picked Alan and Carmen up at Jeff's house in Malibu. They both wore wigs, blue jeans, and old sweatshirts. Carmen wore a brown wig and a scarf, and Alan wore a black one. They wore sunglasses, chewed gum, and had Southern accents. Jeff and Allegra got on with them, also wearing wigs, and polyester leisure clothes. They were a lot more dressed up than the other two, and most of what Allegra wore was dusted with rhinestones.

I didn't know this was a dress affair, Jeff said as he donned his costume with amusement. But one thing was sure, no one would recognize Alan or Carmen.

They sat in a large, paneled room in the back of the bus, telling stories, and eating ice cream, and laughing at how they looked whenever they saw themselves in the mirror. They made occasional forays into the kitchen, for cheese or fruit or sandwiches, and both ladies occasionally used the pink marble bathroom, but not the bathtub. It was the kind of bus frequently used by movie stars or rock stars. This one happened to be immaculately kept and was privately owned, and Allegra used it often. She had rented it as a dressing room for one of her clients once, and for driving trips. It was one of the better kept, more luxurious ones, although it didn't compare with Eddie Murphy's double-decker bus, filled with antiques and precious objects. But this one was comfortable enough, and the foursome were in hog heaven, as they said loudly from time to time, all the way to Vegas.

Once in Las Vegas, they went straight to the hotel. They were staying at the MGM Grand, and six bodyguards waited in the lobby for their arrival. As soon as the bodyguards spotted them, they became part of the faceless crowd around them. There were two women and four men, and they didn't even acknowledge them as they moved into suites on either side of Alan and Carmen's.

Jeff and Allegra were across the hall, and she had been keeping an eye out for tabloids, but she hadn't seen even one photographer as they entered. There had been some talk for a while, about Alan and Carmen having an affair, but it had only been a month, and no one suspected they were going to get married.

They changed wigs at the hotel, and everyone became redheads, except Alan, who became a bad peroxide blond, and he loved it.

My God. Allegra grinned at him and he laughed uproariously. You look awful.

I kind of like it, he said, pretending to give her the eye and a little pat on her bottom, and then he switched back to his black one again, and imitated Elvis.

It's a good thing you already have a career, Allegra said, looking disgusted. I don't think I could get you a job anywhere if you didn't.

Ya never know, kiddo. Ya never know.

Carmen disappeared into the back bedroom then, with the long plastic garment bag she'd been carrying. And half an hour later she emerged in a short white satin dress, and her hair in a smooth French twist underneath a short veil. Her makeup was flawless, as was her face, and her long, slender legs, exposed by the short skirt, were even better. It was quite a transformation from the polyester dress and the wig, and she looked really lovely. She was wearing white satin high heels, and her dress was low cut. She looked breathtaking, and Alan was really moved when he saw her. He was still wearing the polyester pants and the wig, and he went to put on a linen jacket, and real shoes. But he had decided to get married in the blond wig. That way, he said, they'd have blond children.

You're crazy, Carmen said, kissing him.

Half an hour later the justice of the peace Allegra had arranged for appeared. She knew that if she'd asked the hotel to do it, it would have hit the tabloids. But it might anyway, if the justice of the peace recognized them, which he had to, looking at Carmen. And their names would inevitably be on their marriage certificate, but it would be too late to tip anyone off by then.

Allegra had decided to stay in her funny clothes too. She had actually brought a poodle skirt, and she slipped it on with the red wig, and she was wearing sandals. It was quite an outfit.

I can't wait to see the wedding pictures, Jeff said, standing up for Alan. Allegra was touched that Alan had asked him.

You don't look so hot either, you know, Alan said, cutting Jeff down to size. He had put on a Ralph Lauren blazer over a bowling shirt, and he wore the same blond wig as Alan.

The justice of the peace didn't know who they were, but he thought they were completely crazy. He ran the ceremony by them in less than three minutes, pronounced them man and wife, and signed the license without even glancing at the names. He had called Carmen Carla twice during the ceremony, and Alan Adam. But as soon as it was over, Allegra poured champagne, they ordered caviar, and it was official that they were married.

Carmen Carr. Allegra was the first to say it, and the second to kiss her, after Alan. I like it.

So do I, Carmen said, with tears in her eyes. She still wanted a church wedding in Oregon, but she knew what a circus that would have been, with paparazzi and helicopters, screaming fans and police lines. They just couldn't face it.

Good luck, the justice of the peace said from the doorway. He handed Alan his marriage certificate, and then hurried off to perform dozens of other weddings. He had no idea who he had just joined in matrimony. As far as he was concerned, they were just Adam and Carla.

An hour later, they all went downstairs to play the slot machines and gamble. Allegra tapped discreetly on the bodyguards' doors as they went by, and they fell in behind them. It was a completely smooth operation, and there were no hitches at all until almost midnight, when someone recognized Carmen and asked for her autograph. Carmen was always gracious about it, and she had taken her veil off by then, but she was still wearing the short wedding dress she'd been married in. A few minutes later someone snapped her photograph, and Allegra knew the onslaught was coming.

It's time to go, Cinderella, she said quietly. Your chariot awaits. Two more bodyguards were guarding the bus, and no one had entered it since they left it, except the driver, and he knew nothing.

It's too early, Carmen complained, but the casino was jammed with people, and the prospect of a stampede, or even a crush, didn't appeal to anyone. ‘ Look, everybody! It's Carmen Connors, she just got married. ‘ And Alan Carr ‘ snap ‘ scream ‘ shriek ‘ grab ‘ Forget it.

Come on, Mrs. Carr. Move your ass. This is my wedding night, and I'm not going to stand around here all night playing bingo. Alan kissed her firmly, and patted her bottom, and the entire group headed out to where the bus was waiting. As Carmen boarded the steps she looked back at Allegra and Jeff, and Allegra handed her a plastic bouquet of white flowers she'd had the bus driver hold for them, and Carmen threw it gracefully from the top step of the bus, and Allegra caught it. In spite of all the craziness and the funny outfits they had worn, she looked really lovely, and the assembled company smiled as they watched them. And the bus driver thought that in that outfit, she looked a little like Carmen Connors. If she hadn't had the accent, and she were a little taller, she might even look a lot like her, he said to Allegra.

Yeah, maybe, she said, looking unconvinced. And then they closed the doors. The bus started up, and the bridal couple waved as Jeff and Allegra stayed behind with the bodyguards. It was over. They had done it. They were safe. And there had not been a single hitch or tabloid. Allegra had done an incredible job of setting it up for them, and Jeff was more impressed than ever.

You are a genius, he complimented her, as they watched the bus drive into the distance. At four A.M. they'd be at Alan's house, and all they had to do was pick up their bags, change their clothes, and catch a nine o'clock flight to Tahiti. End of story.

It was cute, wasn't it? Allegra smiled up at him. She was happy it had gone so well. She hadn't wanted the tabloids spoiling it for them, or vicious paparazzi stalking them.

They couldn't have had a real wedding, could they? Jeff asked pensively. He couldn't see how they'd have pulled it off, without the costumes or the wigs, or the privacy of the suite, or the bodyguards, or even the rock-star bus. It had all been perfect.

They could have, Allegra admitted, but she had discouraged it, particularly to Alan, and he had convinced Carmen. But it would have been a nightmare. Helicopters everywhere, photographers, the media would have paid off every supplier they used. It's like a tug-of-war after a while, everything is a battle. She would have hated it. Jeff nodded. He didn't disagree with her anymore. The experience in the bowling alley had taught him a lot about the way they lived. In spite of the lives everyone envied and wanted for themselves, none of it was easy. I thought it was more fun like this anyway, Allegra said, thinking how cute Carmen had looked in the short veil, and later tossing the plastic bouquet at Allegra.

I'll have to save this. She waved the bouquet at Jeff as they walked back into the hotel. The bodyguards had already discreetly left them. They were no longer needed. And the law firm would be billed for their time. She had thanked them at the bus, and now they were gone. She was alone with Jeff and several thousand people in the lobby.

They went back up to their suite. They were staying for the night, and in the morning they were going back to L.A. in a limousine. By then, Alan and Carmen would be in the air and on their way to Tahiti. She and Alan had agreed how the announcement would be handled. Nothing would be said until after their honeymoon, so stringers around the world wouldn't find them. Probably someone in their hotel might tip the press off eventually, but Bora Bora was fairly remote, and Alan thought they'd be safe there. And after they got back, there would be a press conference with both of them, for five minutes, with photo opportunities, announcing their marriage. Just give the sharks a little bit, a finger or a toe, to keep them happy, Allegra had told them.

Allegra lay in his arms that night, cozy and happy, thinking of Carmen and Alan. He was one of her oldest friends, and it was funny to think of him being married.

Happy Valentine's Day, Jeff said softly.

Same to you, she said, turning her back to him, as he put his arms around her. And she never stirred again until morning. She dreamed of catching the bouquet, and she kept laughing because it was plastic. And when she caught it, Jeff drove away on a bus, and she had to run all night to catch him. In her dreams, as in her life, people were always running away from her. But not anymore, she reminded herself when she woke up, not now ‘ and not Jeff ‘ He was staying.

Chapter 12

Carmen and Alan came home from Bora Bora in mid-March and this time there was no avoiding the tabloids. The list of nominees for the Academy Awards had come out while they were gone, and they were both on it. The press were out in force when they got off the plane. Someone at the airlines had tipped them off, but the newlyweds were ready. They each had a deep tan, and they looked fabulous as the cameras flashed and they made their way slowly through the small crowd waiting for them at the airport.

Allegra had arranged for a car to pick them up, and they got to it as quickly as they could, after posing for a couple of pictures. They got right into the limousine, and two bodyguards waited for their luggage.

Allegra had also arranged for a bottle of champagne in the car for them, and when they got home to Alan's house in Beverly Hills, they found the house filled with flowers. But within days, the media had made their life there almost too complicated to put up with. Photographers clamored at the gates, as helicopters hovered overhead trying to catch glimpses of them in the garden or the pool, and researchers for the tabloids stole their garbage. It was unbearable, and they rapidly moved to Malibu, but it was worse there, and finally they hid out for a few days at Allegra's.

She moved in with Jeff for a few days, and the foursome donned wigs and went to small, unknown restaurants in the valley.

I can't believe this, Jeff said, appalled at the intrusions they had to live with. He was still working on the last polish of his screenplay. He and Allegra had had a nice, quiet month, with the exception of another threat against Bram Morrison, which had kept her busy. His family had gone to Palm Springs again, and he had borrowed a friend's home at an unknown location. He never went anywhere without bodyguards now, and a series of articles that said he was making a hundred million dollars from his concert tour only made it worse. Now everyone wanted a piece of the action, whatever they had to do to get it, even kidnapping or blackmail.

Alan and Carmen had been back for two weeks on April first, and Allegra and Carmen met for two hours that afternoon to go over the details of her new contract. She'd already signed it before she left on her honeymoon, but there were some fine points Allegra had wanted to go over with her, to determine just exactly what her expectations would be when she started the picture. They needed to talk about what kind of dressing room she would have, the schedules she would work, and iron out all the little details ahead of time, to avert any unnecessary crisis.

They had worked most of it out when Carmen looked at her attorney with a mischievous smile, and Allegra remembered that it was April Fools' Day. Growing up, she and Alan had made all kinds of mischief around that, and played awful pranks on each other. And her brother Scott loved torturing his entire family on April Fools' Day. She was surprised that he hadn't called her. Every year, he gave her some dreadful shock, either claiming to be in Mexico, in jail, married to a prostitute, or in San Francisco having a sex change. But she had given it back to him over the years. And as they looked at Carmen, she could suddenly see one coming.

There's something I've been meaning to tell you, Carmen said with a huge grin, and Allegra laughed even before she heard it.

Let me guess. You and Alan are getting divorced. Ha-ha, April Fools' Day.

Carmen laughed at what she said. Alan had pulled two of those on her that morning. He had claimed that an old boyfriend of hers was at the door, and then that his mother was moving in with them for the next six months. Both announcements had given Carmen quite a jolt first thing in the morning.

No, nothing like that, she said, looking suddenly shy, but Allegra was still suspicious of what was coming. In her own way, she was too much like Alan. We're having a baby, she said, beaming.

You are? So soon? She knew they wanted kids, but she thought they would wait at least a little while longer. She was due to start her movie in June. She was only shooting for three months, but now it wasn't going to be easy. How pregnant are you? Allegra asked, holding her breath, terrified that they would lose the picture.

Only a month, Carmen said sheepishly. Alan said it was too soon to say anything, but I wanted to tell you. And I thought maybe it would make a difference to the studio. I'll only be three months' pregnant when I start. But I'll be six months' when we finish. Do you think they'll break the contract?

I'm not sure, Allegra said honestly. They may be able to shoot around it. You probably won't show till close to the end of the picture. Thank God, you don't have a longer shooting schedule. Some movies took eight or nine months to make, which in this case would have been a disaster. But Carmen was the main focus of the picture, though she wasn't in the entire movie. Maybe they can move it up. They'll do something to work it out I know how badly they want you. I'll call them this afternoon, Allegra said, and then smiled at her. Congratulations ‘ Alan must be going crazy. He loved kids. For him, it was what he had always wanted, a wife, a family, and a baby. That's quite something. And it's not April Fool, I hope! Allegra asked pointedly and Carmen laughed.

I don't think so. That's not what the doctor said anyway. I went yesterday. We saw it on a sonogram. You could even see its little heart beating. It kind of looks like a jelly bean. I'm five weeks' pregnant. She giggled proudly.

It's hard to believe, Allegra said, suddenly feeling very old. Carmen was only twenty-three years old, she had a career as a major movie star, and now she was married and having a baby. Allegra was almost thirty, and all she had was a career she loved, and a man she'd known for a little over two months, whom she loved certainly. But who knew where that would lead? It was still very new, and life was uncertain.

She sat at her desk, feeling wistful, and a little jealous after Carmen left, and then she felt stupid for feeling that way. They had a right to their happiness, and she still had things to work out in her own life. At least she wasn't with Brandon anymore, waiting for him to get up the guts to divorce Joanie. He had only called her once since he left. He wanted to know where his tennis racket was, and Nicky's bicycle. He had left both at her place. And he had come to pick them up the following weekend. Jeff had been there, and Brandon had eyed him curiously but he hadn't said much. He still looked very angry at Allegra, and he was cool when he thanked her, and left quickly. That was it. Two years and all that was left was a kid's bike and a tennis racket, and a lot of emptiness. But she had Jeff now, and the relationship was far more fulfilling. It was what she had always wanted with a man, understanding, companionship, emotional support he was interested in her work, liked her friends, and he wasn't afraid of being close, or of loving her. Even after two months, they shared a bond she had never shared with anyone else, and certainly not Brandon.

She called Alan to congratulate him, and he sounded pleased but a little embarrassed. I told her not to tell anyone yet. I think she got excited when she saw it on the sonogram yesterday. She wanted to run right out and buy a crib for it after we saw it.

It's better that I know anyway. I need to tell the studio what's going on. It's better if they know ahead of time, she said matter-of-factly, tossing her long blond hair over her shoulder, and trying not to feel the emptiness and the envy she had felt when Carmen told her. She didn't know what was wrong with her. She wasn't usually this sentimental about babies. Maybe it was just because it was Alan.

Do you think it'll be a problem with them? Alan sounded worried. He didn't want to mess up her big movie deal, but it was too late now. The baby was due in December.

I hope not. I'll let you know as soon as I call them. I think with this particular movie, they can pull it off. If they'd planned to have her in a bathing suit for three months, we'd be in big trouble. But the costumes call for a lot of coats and baggy clothes. It was supposed to take place in New York in the winter. There were a few location shots, and most of it was indoors. But even then she wasn't going to be wearing a lot of slinky costumes.

She's really excited, Al, he said, sounding pleased, as though they were the first couple who'd ever done it.

I know, it was sweet. It kind of made me feel old, to tell you the truth. And a little left out. She had known Alan a lot longer than Carmen.

It'll happen to you one of these days, he reassured her.

I hope not, she laughed and said without hesitating, I'd rather wait till I get married, if I can help it.

I think you ought to grab Jeff before he moves back East. He's a good one.

Thanks, Dad, she said, amused at the advice. He was a good one, but it wasn't up to Alan to decide that.

Anytime, and by the way, I saw Sam today, that's quite a sparkler she's wearing.

What sparkler? Allegra looked blank at her end.

The ring. Her engagement ring. Why didn't you tell me? She looks mighty proud of it.

Sam? Allegra looked horrified. She hasn't said a thing. She's engaged Since when?

Since yesterday, she said, Alan said innocently, and then suddenly Allegra remembered.

You shit. April fool, right? she asked hopefully, but he was laughing at the other end. I hate you.

You believed me though. I should have kept you going a while longer. You're terrific.

You're an asshole. And I hope you have quadruplets, she said vehemently. He got her every year, and she always believed him.

She called the studio after that and told them the news, and they weren't thrilled, but they were grateful for the early warning. They assured her that the contract would remain in place, which was good news, and they would have a meeting with the director as soon as possible to figure out how to shoot it and work around the problem.

We really appreciate it, Allegra said.

Thanks for telling us early, the producer said. She was a woman whom Allegra liked very much and had worked with before, though not with Carmen.

I'll reassure Carmen that everything is okay. I know she'll be pleased. She was very worried.

Sometimes you just have to work around Mother Nature. I was working with Allyson Jarvis last month, and she'd forgotten to tell us that she was nursing. She must have worn a forty-eight double D, and I swear I thought we wouldn't even be able to get her chest into the picture. They both laughed, and Allegra called Carmen to reassure her that she hadn't lost the picture.

And by the end of the day, when she went home to Jeff, she wasn't sure why, but she was drooping. It hadn't been a bad day, and things had worked out for Carmen, despite her pregnancy, but nonetheless Allegra felt let down somehow, and she wondered if it was because of their baby. Maybe she was jealous of them, she suggested to herself as she drove home, but that seemed really stupid. It was just that their lives seemed so fulfilled, so complete, and hers always seemed like a work in progress. She was still seeing Dr. Green, who seemed very pleased with her. She was impressed by the relationship with Jeff. And Allegra reminded herself of how happy she was with him, as she let herself into the house in Malibu. She had never had a relationship like this with anyone. She had never loved anyone as she did him. He was really everything she'd ever wanted.

Anyone home? She shouted toward the back of the house where his office was. And half a minute later he came out, with a pencil behind his ear and a grin on his face. He'd missed her all day, and had been working hard, and he was dying to see her.

He swept her into his arms, and kissed her long and hard, and any mild dissatisfaction she might have felt with her life, disappeared on the instant.

Wow! What was that for? Either you had a great day at the typewriter, or a really bad one.

A little of both, as usual. I just missed you. How was your day?

Pretty good. She grabbed an Evian out of the fridge, and handed him a Coke, and told him about Alan and Carmen's baby.

So soon? That was quick. It must have been fun in Bora Bora. Maybe we should try it for our honeymoon.

By the time I get married, she smiled at him, she was feeling a lot better, and she knew he was just kidding about the honeymoon, I'll be so old I'll need a wheelchair, not a baby carriage.

What makes you say that? He sounded interested, as they both sat down on the stools at the counter in his kitchen.

I'm almost thirty, and I've spent a long time building my career, and I'm not there yet. I haven't made full partner yet, and I have a lot of things to do. I don't know, I haven't thought about marriage in a long time, she said honestly. She just rolled along from day to day, and took things as they came. It seemed a more realistic way to look at her life, than sitting around waiting for Prince Charming and a white wedding.

I'm kind of disappointed to hear you say that, Jeff said, looking surprised, and somewhat mischievous. She figured she was in for another April Fools' joke, like Alan's.

Why? Were you planning to ask me today? she asked with a grin, turning it around on him. Ha! April Fools' Day!

But he just laughed when she said that. Actually I was. I figured that April Fools' is a great day to get engaged. No one really knows if you're serious or not. I kind of like that.

Very funny. Alan already beat you to it, she said, looking very relaxed as she sipped her Evian. It was always fun coming home to him. They had such a good time together.

He asked you to marry him today? I think that's in really poor taste if his wife is pregnant.

No, you goof. She laughed at him again. He said Sam got engaged yesterday. I actually believed him. I should know him better than that after all these years. He does this to me every year. And I always believe him.

Jeff was smiling at her, as they sat in his comfortable kitchen at sunset. Would you believe me if I asked you to marry me today? he asked, leaning closer to her until they were almost kissing. And she laughed at him softly, thinking about what he had said.

No, I wouldn't believe you. She played the game with him, and he kissed her and then shook his head.

Then I guess I'll have to ask you again tomorrow, he said, pretending to look crushed, and she laughed again, and kissed him again, but something in his eyes suddenly made her tilt her head to one side and look at him strangely.

You're not serious, are you? This is all a joke, right?

Actually, being married to me probably would be something of a joke ‘ but, yeah, I mean it. What do you think? Too far-out, or would you like to give it a try for fifty or sixty years? I've got the time, if you'd like to try it. He was looking at her with such tenderness that it took her breath away as she realized he meant it.

Oh, my God ‘ oh, my God! ‘ She put her hands on her head and almost screamed as she looked into his eyes. You mean it?

Of course I mean it. I've never proposed to anyone in my life. I just figured this might be a good day to do it. You'd always remember.

You're crazy, she said, and threw her arms around his neck. It was incredible. She had known him for a little over two months, and yet it felt completely right to both of them. She had had other relationships for years, and they had hemmed and hawed, and kept her at arm's length, and avoided any real intimacy. And here she was with Jeff, and it was as natural as could be. It was amazing. I love you so much, she said, with her arms around him and kissing him. She had never been this happy. And even Carmen's baby seemed unimportant now. This was so much better. Jeff wanted to be with her for the rest of her life. It was what she had always wanted. It was a dream come true, and it was all so easy. It wasn't work, and it didn't have to be ironed out, and they didn't have to try or give it some thought. She didn't need therapy to figure out if she wanted him, and he didn't need ten years or two or four to figure out if he loved her. They loved each other, and it was right, and they were getting married.

You haven't answered me, you know, he reminded her, and she gave another squeal of delight, and ran around the kitchen like a kid, and he laughed and watched her.

Yes, I have. The answer is yes ‘ yes ‘ yes ‘ yes ‘ yes! And then she ran over and kissed him.

April fool! Just kidding, he said, but she laughed and didn't believe him.

Don't even try to get out of this one. And as they were talking about it the phone rang, and it was her brother. Hi, Scott, she said casually. What's new? ‘ Not much ‘ oh, nothing ‘ Jeff and I just got engaged ‘ no, seriously. Not April fool, for real. She sounded so casual, he didn't believe her, and Jeff was laughing as he listened.

You're a monster, he scolded her, knowing what she was doing.

Honest. We were just sitting here and we decided to get married’ . Yeah, sure, she said when he said he'd just gotten engaged too. Needless to say, he didn't believe her. Really, it's not April fool, it's for real. But she sounded as though she were putting him on, and she was laughing.

Well, be sure to invite me to the wedding, was his final sarcastic response. She had totally spoiled his annual call, by the pretense that she was getting married. And he had to get back to his classes at Stanford.

He didn't believe a word of it, I'll bet, Jeff said and laughed.

Nope. He's going to croak when he realizes I was telling him the truth, or have you changed your mind yet? she asked, pretending to be worried, as he kissed her.

Give me a day or two. I've never been engaged before. I'm kind of enjoying it for the moment.

Yeah, she said, me too. And then as they kissed, they forgot their engagement and thought only of each other. He stripped her slacks and silk shirt away, and she stripped away his shorts and T-shirt. His legs were long and brown. He lay on the beach sometimes in the middle of the day when he was thinking and needed a break from his screenplay. And she looked very white and thin and graceful as she lay in his arms. It was dark when they finally stopped making love on the living room carpet. And she laughed as she looked around them.

Can we still do this when we're married?

I'm counting on it, he said, sounding very sexy. They stood up finally amidst the debris of their clothes, and went back to his bedroom. And it was late that night before they thought of dinner, or going anywhere, or even their engagement.

I like being engaged, Allegra said, as she brought a bag of Oreo cookies back to bed, and he opened a bottle of champagne in honor of their engagement.

Shouldn't we call anyone? he asked. Should I ask your father for your hand? he asked formally, toasting her with the champagne a moment later.

Eventually. Let's enjoy it first, before everyone goes crazy. And then she began to think of the logistics. When do you want to get married? she asked. This was really fun. She'd never been engaged before either.

Isn't it kind of traditional in June? I like traditions. I'll still be shooting the movie then, but we can probably fit it in. As long as you don't mind waiting till September for the honeymoon. Would that be too terrible? I'd rather not wait that long to get married. Even two months seemed too long to him. He couldn't wait to be married to her. And the idea of marrying Jeff in two months didn't scare her at all. She loved it. They were almost living together now anyway. Why wait any longer? She had waited long enough with all the people who had never been there for her. She didn't need a waiting period with Jeff. She would have married him right then, if he'd asked her.

We could go to Bora Bora for our honeymoon. Maybe we'll get as lucky as Alan and Carmen, he said, smiling.

Do you want kids that soon? she asked, looking surprised, but she didn't mind that either.

If you do. I'm thirty-four, you're twenty-nine. I wouldn't want to wait a hell of a lot longer. Anytime you feel ready. It would be nice to have them while we're still relatively young, though you're younger than I am. But I think having my first kid at thirty-five would be terrific.

Maybe we'd better get started right now then. Your birthday is in six months. It could take a while. She was teasing him, but she liked everything he had said. In fact, she loved it. My parents invited us to dinner tomorrow night, by the way, she said. Maybe we should tell them then. Or do you want to wait a while?

Why wait? I don't need a due diligence period in which to change my mind, counselor. As far as I'm concerned, it's a done deal, if that's all right with you?

Maybe we should try it out again, she teased, to make sure everything works, kind of like a test drive. She leaned over and kissed him again, getting cookie crumbs all over their bed, but he didn't seem to mind it.

I plan to test drive it a lot over the next several years, he said, kissing her again. And he set his champagne glass down on their bedside. And a moment later, they were making love again. By midnight, they were happy and exhausted. I think you're going to wear me out long before the wedding, he complained. Maybe we should reconsider.

Don't you dare! she warned. You can't take it back now. It's one minute after midnight. It's not April Fools' anymore. You're stuck with me, Mr. Hamilton.

Hallelujah! he said, and kissed her.

Do you want a big wedding or a small one? she asked, lying in bed, smiling at him.

I don't think we have time for anything very big, if we only have two months, don't you think?

I agree. Forty or fifty people in my mom's garden would be perfect. That's all I want. Maybe even smaller. She looked at him, embarrassed that she hadn't asked him. Unless you want to invite a lot of friends. I didn't mean to just announce what we were doing.

That's all right, he smiled at her. The only one I really want is my mother. I have a few friends out here, but not many. And the rest of my friends are pretty spread out all over the East, and Europe. It's a lot to expect them to come all the way out to California. I think forty people sounds just fine. I'll have to call my mother and tell her. She goes to Europe in June every year, and she likes plenty of warning if she has to make changes.

Will she be pleased? Allegra asked seriously, a little bit worried. The photograph of the woman she had seen in the apartment in New York had terrified her. She had looked so austere, and so cold, so unlike Jeff or his late father.

She'll be fine. She finally stopped asking me about four years ago if I was ever going to get married. I think she gave up when I turned thirty. That, and the fact that she had hated all his girlfriends for the past twenty years. But he was sure she was going to like Allegra. Who wouldn't?

I can't wait to tell my mom. Allegra beamed. She's going to be so happy. They really like you.

I hope so. And then he turned to Allegra seriously, and kissed her very gently. I'm going to take very, very good care of you, for the rest of my life. I promise.

So am I. I promise, Jeff ‘ I'll always be there for you.

And then as they lay side by side in bed, holding hands and talking about their plans, Jeff suddenly chuckled. Why don't we go to Vegas on the bus we could wear wigs again and you could toss a bouquet of white plastic orchids. His mother would have croaked. But it had actually been fun at Carmen and Alan's wedding.

There's something to be said for that, Allegra said. If my mom can jazz this wedding up, she will. Count on it. We may have to go to Vegas.

They both laughed, and they cuddled into their bed, like two kids, planning an enormous adventure.

And when Allegra left for work the next day, she was so excited she forgot her car keys, and had to come back sheepishly to get them. She collected another kiss instead, and Jeff almost had to force her out the door so she wouldn't be late for her first appointment.

Go on ‘ go! he called after her. Get lost! Go away! He waved her away down the short driveway and she was still laughing as she turned up the road. She had never been so happy.

She smiled all the way through her morning, and looked like the proverbial cat that swallowed the canary. But she didn't want to tell anyone until she had dinner with her parents that night, and she and Jeff told them. It was particularly hard to look Alice in the eye, and not say anything to Carmen when she called her. Carmen was still in seventh heaven about the baby. But Allegra thought her own news was even more exciting.

She tried to get Jeff to come into town to have lunch with her, but he said he couldn't. He had too much work to do on his screenplay.

But I can't have lunch with anyone else, she complained. I'd never make it all the way through lunch without telling them. You have to come in and see me.

Not if you want me to go out tonight, Mrs. Hamilton. She loved the sound of it and so did he, and they loved playing with the words. She had written Allegra Hamilton all over her notepad. She hadn't played games like that since she was fourteen or fifteen, and in love with Alan.

And in the end, she decided to walk down Rodeo Drive and do a little shopping to see if there were any pretty white dresses, or suits, that would be suitable for a wedding in her mother's garden. She went to Ferre and Dior and Valentino, and Fred Hayman and Chanel, just to glance through the racks and get an idea what they had in white that was pretty. But she didn't find anything. Valentino had a beautiful white linen suit, but it didn't seem dressy enough, and Ferre had a fabulous organdy blouse, but nothing to go with it. But she had fun anyway. She couldn't believe what she was doing. She was shopping for her wedding dress, barely two months after she had met him. She almost wanted to call Andreas Weissman in New York to thank him.

She was going to skip lunch, but then she decided to stop in at the Grill for a quick sandwich and a cup of coffee. She usually saw people she knew there, either attorneys from her own firm, or agents from ICM and CAA or William Morris. There was the usual smattering of actors too, and some of her friends. The food was good, the service was fast, and the location was perfect.

And as her eyes scanned the booths as she arrived, she suddenly realized that her father was in a back booth. He was laughing at something, and she couldn't see who was with him. There was a huge temptation to just go over and tell him she was engaged, but she knew her mother would never forgive her for telling him first. She had to wait until that evening, when she and Jeff went to dinner. But she could at least drop by to say hello to him, which she did. She put her blue blazer over a chair at her own table, and went over to see him. She was wearing a short beige skirt, a pale blue sweater, and beige Chanel flats with a matching Chanel backpack. She looked very sleek and very fashionable, and as usual more like a model than an attorney.

As soon as she reached the booth where Simon sat, he glanced up and saw her, and his eyes immediately filled with pleasure. And then Allegra saw who he was dining with. She looked familiar at first, and then Allegra realized it was the British director she had seen him talking to at the Golden Globe Awards, Dame Elizabeth Coleson. She was very tall, and very young, and quite beautiful. She had a wonderfully deep, sexy laugh, and she was barely older than Allegra.

Well, hello there, her father greeted her. This is a surprise. He stood up and kissed her and introduced her to Dame Elizabeth, who was completely without pretension. She was very talented and very down-to-earth and she seemed to be having a very good time with Simon. This is my daughter, Allegra, he explained to Elizabeth with a smile, and he explained to Allegra that they were talking about a picture. I've been trying to talk Elizabeth into working with me for months, and so far, I haven't succeeded, he complained, and he sat down again, as Allegra watched them. They seemed completely at ease, and as though they were old friends, and had spent a lot of time together. Her father asked her if she would like to join them, but she didn't want to interrupt his meeting.

That's okay, Dad. I've got to get back to the office in a few minutes. I just stopped in to grab a sandwich.

What were you doing around here? he asked, and she grinned at him, dying to tell him, but she couldn't.

I'll tell you tonight.

That's a deal, he said. She shook hands with Elizabeth and left them, and went back to her own table. She ordered the Caesar salad, and a cappuccino, and fifteen minutes later she went back to her office. As she drove back, she found herself thinking of her father and Elizabeth Coleson. She didn't know why, but she had felt the same thing the last time she saw them together, that they knew each other very well and were completely at ease with each other. She wondered if her mother was friendly with Elizabeth as well, and reminded herself to ask her. And then her thoughts went back to her wedding. Her head was filled with it, and she called Jeff three times that afternoon just to giggle and talk about their secret. She could hardly contain herself a moment longer, and by the time they were driving through her parents' gate that night, she felt as though she were about to explode with excitement. She could hardly stand it.

Take it easy’ . Take it easy’ . Jeff said calmly. But he was nervous too. What if they objected, or thought it was too soon, or didn't like him. He had voiced his concerns to her before they left Malibu, and she had told him he was ridiculous, but he was still worried.

Her father greeted them at the front door, and explained that Blaire was on the phone in the kitchen. She was talking to the architect, and from what Allegra could hear in the distance, it was not a pleasant conversation. He had just explained to her that given the cabinetry she'd chosen, and the tiles, it would take at least seven months to finish the kitchen. And Blaire wasn't shrieking at him, but she was close to it.

Maybe we'll just move to the Bel Air for six months, Simon said, not entirely in jest, as he offered Jeff a drink, and Jeff asked for a Scotch and water.

They chatted pleasantly for a few minutes, and Blaire finally joined them, looking ruffled and irritated and excited.

Do you realize how absurd that is? she huffed at her husband, declining a drink as she ranted. Seven months! He must be crazy. Sorry, darling, she said to Allegra, and then kissed her and Jeff, trying to regain her composure. I just can't believe that.

Why don't we keep the kitchen we have, Simon suggested cautiously, but Blaire said it was out of date and completely out of the question. I'm moving out, he said in an undertone, and his wife shot him a warning look, and they moved on to other subjects. But Allegra could hardly contain herself. And as they sat there, in the lull before dinner, Jeff set down his glass, and looked at both her parents.

Allegra and I have something to tell ‘ er ‘ rather, ask you’ . I I know it hasn't been long since we've met, but ‘ He had never felt so awkward in his life, he felt like a kid again, and Blaire was staring at him in disbelief, while Simon smiled at him. He felt sorry for him.

Are you asking me what I think you are? Simon said, trying to lend him a hand, and Jeff shot him a grateful look.

Yes, I am, sir. He felt like a five-year-old sitting there next to her, asking her parents for her hand. We'd like to ‘ we're going to ‘ he said, trying to sound like a grown-up again, get married.

Oh, darling. Her mother rushed to take Allegra in her arms, and there were tears in their eyes as they hugged each other, and then Allegra looked at her father. His eyes looked damp too, but he looked happy for them.

Daddy? She wanted his approval too, but she could see that she had it.

I heartily approve. He shook Jeff's hand firmly, and both men looked pleased, as though closing an important deal, and it was the rest of Jeff and Allegra's lifetime. Well done.

Thank you, Jeff said, looking enormously relieved. It had been much harder than he thought it would be, though they had made it very easy for him. But it was still one of those ghastly, never-to-be-forgotten moments.

And from then on, everyone talked at once, and they hardly noticed when dinner was called. They talked of nothing else all through dinner. Samantha was out with friends, and they talked only about the wedding.

All right, all right, Blaire said after the first course. Now let's get down to details. How many, when, where, what kind of dress, long veil or short ‘ oh, my God! Blaire said, dabbing at her eyes with her napkin. It was one of the happiest nights of their lives, and certainly Allegra's, who tried to answer all of her mother's questions.

We want about forty or fifty people here, at the house, in the garden, Allegra said happily, nothing too fancy, just very cozy. In June. She beamed at Jeff, and then back at her mother.

You're kidding, darling, of course, her mother answered, smiling. Obviously. But Allegra looked at her innocently, not understanding the question.

No, we talked about it last night, and that's what we want.

Out of the question, Blaire said, sounding like the producer and not the mother. Forget it. No contract.

Mom, this isn't your show, it's my wedding, Allegra reminded her gently. What do you mean, forget it’?

I mean that the garden is going to be completely torn out in the next two weeks. There won't be anything in the backyard except dirt and the swimming pool till the fall, so the garden is out. And you can't possibly be serious about having forty or fifty people. Do you realize how many people we know? Allegra, this is crazy. Think of your clients, and all your friends from school, not to mention friends of the family. And, of course, Jeff and his parents will want to invite people. Frankly, I don't see how we'll manage to get away with four or five hundred. Six is probably more like it. Which means we can't do it here. And you can't possibly mean June. You can't throw together a wedding like that in two months. Allegra, now, let's be serious, dear. Where and when are we going to do it?

Mother, I am serious, she said, starting to look stressed. This is our wedding, not yours, and we don't want more than fifty people. That's the whole point; if you make it a mob scene, we have to invite everyone. With forty or fifty, we just have our closest friends and it'll mean more to us that way, and it doesn't take six months to plan a wedding for fifty people.

Why bother? Blaire asked, looking more upset than Simon had ever seen her. Blaire was overreacting to everything, first the architect and now her own daughter's wedding.

Mother, please! Allegra said, near tears herself. Why don't you just let us organize it ourselves? You don't have to do it.

That's ridiculous. And where will you hold the wedding? In your office?

Maybe. We could do it at Jeff's house in Malibu. That would be perfect.

You're not a hippie. You're an attorney, with a lot of important clients, and our friends mean a lot to us, and to you. She turned to Jeff then, appealing to him, You have to rethink this. He nodded and turned to Allegra.

Why don't we talk about it tonight and see what we can do differently, he said calmly, as Simon watched him.

I don't want to do anything differently. We did talk about it, and we want a small wedding in June, in the garden, Allegra said hotly.

There is no garden, her mother snapped at her. And I'm shooting in June. For God's sake, Allegra, how difficult do you have to make it?

Never mind, Mother. She threw down her napkin and got up from the table, looking at Jeff as tears swam in her eyes. We'll go to Las Vegas. I don't need this from you. All I want is a small wedding. I've waited thirty years for this, and I want to do it the way Jeff and I want it, not the way you want it, Mom. We're the ones getting married.

Blaire looked flustered as she saw how upset Allegra was, and Simon tried to calm them both down.

Why don't we talk about this after dinner? There's no need for anyone to get so excited, he said quietly, and both women looked mollified as Allegra sat down again. But it was obvious that this wasn't going to be so simple.

The rest of the dinner was somewhat tense, with both women saying very little. By the time coffee was served in the living room, they were all up in arms again, with Allegra wanting forty friends, and Blaire thinking they should have five or six hundred. She was suggesting their club or the Bel Air Hotel, and Allegra felt having her wedding there was tacky. She wanted it at the house, and Blaire said she couldn't manage a show and a wedding all at the same time, and trying to do it by June was ludicrous. For at least two hours there appeared to be no possible compromise whatsoever. And then finally, both sides having worn each other down, Allegra grudgingly agreed to a hundred and fifty, while her mother pushed for two hundred, and she said that if they'd wait till September, when she was on hiatus with the show, and the backyard would be finished, she thought she could manage it at the house. Allegra hesitated for a long time over that one, and she consulted in an undertone with Jeff. They really didn't want to wait five months to get married, but he pointed out that he'd be finishing his movie right around then and they could leave for their honeymoon immediately, instead of waiting three months after the wedding to take it. There was a certain benefit there, and although she hated to do it, Allegra conceded, at Jeff's urging.

But that's it, Mom. Don't push me any further. A hundred and fifty people in the garden in September. Period. Not one more person. And I'm only doing this for you. It sounded like a game of Monopoly as the two men listened, and Simon looked at his wife hopefully.

Does this mean I get to keep my kitchen? There's no way they can put the new one in by September, from what they were saying tonight.

Oh, shut up, Blaire said to her husband, angry all over again. Mind your own business. But she smiled sheepishly, and a few minutes later, they all seemed to be unwinding. It had been an exhausting evening.

I had no idea weddings took so much out of you, Jeff said, accepting another Scotch, while Simon poured himself a brandy.

Neither did I, Simon admitted. Ours was pretty small. But I know Blaire has always wanted to go all out for her daughters.

She can do it for Sam, Allegra added, still shaken by the battle with her mother. They were both tough and the compromise hadn't been easy. And more than anything, she hated waiting five whole months till the wedding.

We'll manage, Jeff reassured her, kissing her, and then she went out to the kitchen to talk to her mother. When she got there, Blaire was in the kitchen, blowing her nose. She'd been crying.

I'm sorry, Mom, Allegra said, contrite for any harsh words. I just know what I want, but I didn't mean to upset you.

I want it to be beautiful for you, I want it to be special.

It will be. As long as Jeff was there, that was all that mattered. The whole idea seemed stupid to her now, and she was sorry they weren't eloping like Carmen. It would have been so much simpler. And she had a suspicion that it was all going to get worse before it got better.

What about a dress? her mother asked then, moving on to another topic. I hope you'll let me help you choose one.

I started looking today, at lunchtime. Allegra smiled at her and told her where she'd been, what she'd seen, and what she wanted. Her mother thought that short was a good idea, but she still thought she should go dressy, maybe with a big hat, or a small veil.

I saw Dad while I was shopping. I had to bite my tongue not to tell him, but I wanted to tell him with you, and Jeff, so I didn't.

What was he doing shopping on Rodeo Drive? Particularly since she knew he didn't like to shop under any circumstances. She did all his shopping for him.

He wasn't. He was at the Grill, having lunch with Elizabeth Coleson. They were talking about a picture. I think Daddy's probably trying to hire her for one of his movies, she said conversationally, and went on to discuss whether or not she wanted bridesmaids. She hadn't decided, but she noticed something strange in her mother's eyes, and when they went back to the living room, she saw Blaire glance at Simon. They all went on talking about the wedding until the young couple left at eleven. And just before they left, Blaire said something odd to her daughter, and Jeff overheard it.

You'll have to call your father, she said quietly as they stood in the doorway, and Allegra looked at her uncomfortably, and nodded. A few minutes later, she and Jeff were in the car on the way back to Malibu, exhausted by their first dose of wedding arrangements. It had been quite an evening.

What did your mother mean? he asked casually, as they headed toward the freeway. Allegra had leaned her head back against the seat with her eyes closed.

We should have gone to Vegas and called them afterward, Allegra said, sounding exhausted.

What did she mean about telling your father’? What does that mean? But Allegra didn't answer. She just sat there, with her eyes closed, pretending to be sleeping. But he glanced at her, and sensed the tension in her silence. He didn't understand it, and he gently touched her cheek with his fingers. Hey, don't ignore me. What did she mean? He had instinctively sensed something painful.

Allegra opened her eyes and looked at him. I don't want to talk about it now. Tonight was bad enough.

They drove in silence for a while, but Jeff refused to be put off. Her reticence disturbed him. Allegra, isn't Simon your father? There was a long, long pause. She was looking for an escape, a way not to tell him. She hated talking about it, even with him. It was too painful. She shook her head sadly, but she still didn't look at Jeff. She just stared out the window.

My mom married him when I was seven. For Allegra, it was a terrible confession, something she hated talking about or admitting.

I had no idea, he said cautiously, not wanting to tread on old secrets, but he was marrying her and he wanted to help her if he could, if this was as painful as it appeared from her silence.

My real’ father is a doctor in Boston. I hate him and he hates me too, she said as she looked at Jeff finally. It was a difficult subject to pursue, and he decided not to for the moment. He just touched her cheek gently again, and at the next light he leaned over and kissed her.

Whatever happened, I just want you to know that I'm there for you, and I love you. No one's ever going to hurt you again, Allegra. She had tears in her eyes when she kissed him and whispered thank you, and they drove the rest of the way to Malibu in silence.

In Bel Air, the Steinbergs were in their bedroom by then, and Blaire was watching Simon take his tie off.

I hear you had lunch with Elizabeth today, Blaire said coolly, pretending to rifle a magazine, and then she looked up at her husband again. I thought that was all over.

It never began, he said quietly, as he unbuttoned his shirt and walked into his bathroom. But he could sense her just behind him. She had followed him in, and her eyes bored into his when he turned around to face her. I told you, it's strictly a working relationship. He said it very calmly, but her shoulders sagged as she watched him. She felt so old just looking at him. He was having lunch with women her daughter's age, and he still looked so handsome. And she felt so faded and barely a woman anymore. She was a has-been, even professionally. And now she was the Mother of the Bride. She felt ancient.

What were you working on with her in Palm Springs? Blaire asked quietly.

Don't do this, he said, turning away. He refused to play the game with her again. They had done this too often already. We were just talking. That's all. We're friends. Let it go, Blaire, for both our sakes. You owe me that much.

I don't owe you anything, she said, with eyes full of tears as she left his bathroom, and then she turned to look at him again from the doorway. Are you offering her a picture? That's what Allegra said.

That's what I told her. We were just talking. That's all. She's going back to England.

And you? she asked sadly. Are you shooting your next picture there?

We're shooting the next one in New Mexico, he said, and walked slowly out of his bathroom to put his arms around her. I love you, Blaire. Please know that’ . Please don't push this anymore’ . You'll hurt both of us. But she wanted to hurt him, as much as he had hurt her when she found out he was having an affair with Elizabeth Coleson six months before. He had been perfectly discreet. No one else had ever known. But she had. She had found out by accident when someone saw them in Palm Springs, and reported it to her without realizing it. But she had understood instantly. A chill had run down her spine the minute she heard it. And he had denied it, of course, but when she saw them speak to each other for a few minutes at a party, she had been certain. They had the look of people who had told each other secrets in bed late at night, that private conspiracy that only happens in the bedroom. And when she'd pressed him about it again, he said nothing. And she knew then that she was right about her suspicions.

Allegra didn't know about it. No one did. Blaire had never told anyone. She just kept it inside, as her soul slowly wilted, as it had again tonight when Allegra had said she'd seen them.

Why do you have to go to a restaurant with her? Why can't you just see her in your office?

Because if I did, you'd think I was sleeping with her. I thought it would be better to see her in public.

It would be better not to see her at all, Blaire said quietly, her whole body seeming to sag as she sat on the bed, just as her soul did. Maybe it doesn't matter anymore, she said softly, and went to her own dressing room, and he didn't follow. Things were so difficult now. They hadn't slept with each other in months. Without even discussing it, they stopped once she knew he had had an affair. She felt he didn't love her and didn't desire her and she was growing older.

He was reading when she got back to the bedroom in her nightgown, and he looked at her kindly. He knew how painful it had been for her. He had regretted it terribly, but it was one of those things that just happened. And there was no way to undo it. He knew now, much to his chagrin, that Blaire would never let him forget it. And perhaps he deserved that. He accepted his fate at her hands and always wished that there were some way to let her know how much he still loved her. But she never believed him. All she ever focused on, other than her show, was Elizabeth Coleson. He wondered if the wedding would change all that and lift her spirits. He hoped so.

I'm happy for Allegra, he said quietly. Jeff is a nice guy. I think he'll be good to her. Blaire shrugged. Simon had been good to her too, for more than twenty years, and now it was all changed. They had been so happy, they had been so close. They had considered themselves special, and among the lucky ones, untouched by the hand of fate. And then, finally, it had touched them. And now everything was different, and it would never be the same again. He knew that. Even if he had broken it off after Palm Springs. It was too late now.

Blaire got into bed, and picked up a book. It was Jeff's new one. She had bought it the week before, and now he was going to be her son-in-law, but she could hardly think of him now, all she could think of was Simon having lunch with Elizabeth Coleson again. She couldn't help wondering what else they'd been doing. Was a lunch out in the open simply a brazen, sophisticated cover? She turned to look at him then. He had fallen asleep with his glasses on, and his book in his hands. And she lay watching him, feeling the ache where her love for him had once been, and now it was all so painful. It had been that way for months. As she closed his book and put his glasses away, she wondered if he had fallen asleep like that when he was with Elizabeth Coleson.

She put her own book away, and turned off the light. She was getting used to the pain and the loneliness. She had learned to live with them, but she remembered too well what it had been like before, before things had changed between them. And as she lay there, remembering the past, she forced herself to think of Allegra's wedding. Perhaps they'd be luckier than she and Simon had been. Perhaps the hand of fate would never touch them. She wished that for them, as she silently prayed for her daughter.

Chapter 13

For an entire week after they got engaged, Allegra felt as though she'd been hit by a hurricane at the office. Practically everyone she represented had a problem of some kind, a new deal being made, or a licensing arrangement that someone had offered them and that needed to be investigated. It was as though someone pulled a rip cord somewhere and was trying to drown her.

And when Jeff called his own mother to tell her about their engagement, it only made things more complicated. Her only comment was that it seemed rather hasty, since she'd never even heard him mention her before, and she hoped he wouldn't regret it. She'd spoken to Allegra for a few minutes, and she told Jeff that she certainly hoped they would come to New York, at least for a few days, so she could meet her.

We really ought to go before they start to shoot in May, he had said after they'd talked to her, but Allegra couldn't begin to see when they'd do it. She was still much too busy at the office. But she promised him that they'd manage it in the next few weeks, come hell or high water.

The one thing she didn't do that week, and again her claim was that she was just too busy to do anything, was call her father. Jeff avoided pressing her about it, but she had eventually volunteered that her parents had gotten divorced and there was a great deal of bitterness between them. She had only seen him a few times in the past twenty years, and it had never been pleasant. He seemed to hold her responsible for her mother's actions. He always tells me how much like her I am, and how spoiled we are, and how he disapproves of our Hollywood lifestyle.’ He acts like I'm a go-go dancer and not a lawyer.

Maybe he doesn't know the difference. Jeff tried to inject a little humor into it, but it was very clear to him that Allegra was not receptive. His own mother was not overly fond of Hollywood, and everything she thought it represented. She was highly suspicious of what he did there. But the situation with Allegra's father sounded a great deal more serious. And he got the impression that there was more she wasn't saying. But Jeff decided sensibly that she would tell him when she was ready. He couldn't help wondering though if this was the reason for the difficult men she had previously gotten involved with. If her father had rejected her, perhaps she was looking for men who would do the same, in which case she was going to be seriously disappointed in Jeff. He had no desire to reject her.

On the contrary, he loved their quiet days, their afternoons in bed, their very rare lazy mornings. The weekend after they'd told her parents, they finally shared a quiet evening at home. And on Saturday, they even managed to go to a movie. They had gone to bed as soon as they got home they could never resist making love and they were drifting off to sleep in each other's arms when the phone rang.

Jeff was inclined to ignore it, but Allegra never could. She was always sure it would be some major crisis that she had to handle for one of her clients. And sometimes it was, admittedly, but more often than not it was a wrong number.

Hello? she said, sounding groggy, and for an instant there was silence. She was about to hang up, and then she heard a sob. Hello? she said again, frowning now as she waited. Who is this? There was another long beat, and then another sob, and then a strangled voice at the other end. It's Carmen.

Are you okay? Had there been an accident? Was something seriously wrong? Was she hurt? Had Alan left her? What could possibly have happened? Carmen, talk to me, she said, trying not to sound exasperated, as Jeff groaned on his side of the bed. Every time Carmen and Alan had a fight, Carmen called, hysterical, and Jeff did not find it amusing. He was extremely fond of them, but he didn't think it was Allegra's job to solve their minor marital problems. After all, everyone had them, and most people did not call their attorneys and expect them to solve them.

He's leaving, Carmen finally managed to force out, and then she collapsed in fresh sobs, and Allegra could hear someone shouting in the background.

What's going on? Allegra said, trying to exude calm to her through the phone, but it wasn't working. Is he leaving you?

Yes, he's leaving. She gulped, and then the phone was taken out of her hand and Alan came on, sounding angry and exhausted.

I am not leaving her, for chrissake. I am going to Switzerland to make a movie, and I am not going to be killed, or have an affair, he repeated for the ten thousandth time that night. I'm going to work, that's all. And when it's over, I'll come home. This is what I do for a living. With that, he handed the phone back to his hysterical wife, who was just crying harder.

But I'm pregnant.

Allegra sighed. She got the picture now. Carmen didn't want him to leave to make the movie. But he had a contract, and a very handsome one at that. He had to. Come on, Carmen, be fair. He's got to do this. You can fly over and visit him before you start work in June. Go now, for heaven's sake. You can stay over there for a month before rehearsals. The sniveling suddenly stopped and there was silence.

I could, couldn't I? Oh, God, thank you, Allegra, I love you. Maybe she did. But Allegra wasn't sure that Alan would be just as thrilled. When she wanted to be, Carmen could be terribly clingy and distracting. I'll call you tomorrow, Carmen said hastily, and literally hung up on her. Allegra shook her head, turned off the light, and went back to bed with Jeff, but he muttered into the pillow as she snuggled closer.

You have to tell these people to stop calling you every five minutes like a ten-cent shrink. It's ridiculous. I don't know how you stand it. Allegra knew it really bothered him, but he was a pretty good sport about it. He knew her clients had done that for years. Carmen certainly, and Bram Morrison's wife, and even Bram when he felt he needed to, and Malachi every time he got stoned or drunk and thought he had a brainstorm, not to mention when he got into trouble. And even Alan. And the others too. That's what L.A. attorneys did, and if these people didn't call their attorneys, they called their agents.

It goes with the territory, Jeff. It's hard to get them not to expect that.

It's neurotic. What happened then? Did they have another fight? This is going to seem like a very long marriage, if we get a call at midnight every time they have an argument over who's taking out the garbage. In truth, their garbage had to be shredded and then locked up with a combination lock, so no one would steal it. If you don't tell her, I will.

She doesn't want Alan to go to Switzerland next week. She wants him to stay home with her and the baby.

There is no baby yet, Jeff said, even more annoyed at her than he had been. That's really stupid. She's ten minutes' pregnant and she expects him to stay home with her for nine months?

Only for seven and three quarters. She's already five weeks' pregnant. Jeff groaned again and Allegra laughed. It really was silly. But it was real to Carmen.

Maybe you should go into antitrust work, he suggested, and then finally decided not to waste the opportunity, since they were both wide awake now. He rolled over toward Allegra and started making serious overtures to her. At least it put him back in good humor. And this time, when they fell asleep, there were no more interruptions.

The Oscars distracted all of them the week after that, and Carmen was busy making plans for their trip by then. They were leaving two days later. She and Alan were both nominated, though neither of them expected to win this year. But it was great for their careers to be nominated, though Carmen seemed completely disinterested in her career. The only thing she cared about at the moment was the baby, and, of course, Alan.

Allegra and Jeff saw her parents at the ceremonies, and Simon's picture won five awards including Best Picture, much to Allegra's delight. Her mother looked thrilled for him too, but Allegra kept noticing something taut about her whenever she saw her. She wasn't sure if it was the state of her show, or just a mood, or Allegra's own imagination, but it was something she felt more than saw, and she kept trying to put her finger on it when she talked to Jeff, but he swore he didn't see it.

She just looks upset, or troubled, or sad or something, Allegra said with certainty.

Maybe she doesn't feel well. She could be sick, he explained practically, and Allegra looked even more worried.

I hope not.

As predicted, Alan and Carmen didn't win, but neither of them seemed to mind.

And Blaire was true to form when she asked Allegra after the ceremony if she had called her father about the wedding.

No, Mom, I haven't, she said, with pursed lips. Allegra had worn a clinging silver dress that molded her body and she looked spectacular, and the last thing she wanted to hear about was her father, and whether or not she had called him.

I have to know for the invitations, Blaire harped again, and Allegra rolled her eyes at her mother.

Okay, okay, I'll call him. And then she thought better of it. Why don't you call him and ask if he wants to be on the invitations? I don't want him on them anyway. Simon is my father. I don't need this guy, and all his miserable bullshit. Why don't we just not call him, and you two announce it? I don't even use the name anymore, so what's the difference? People knew her only as Allegra Steinberg, although Simon had never been able to officially adopt her. Blaire had never wanted to broach the matter with Allegra's real father, Charles Stanton. Allegra Stanton had always had a nice ring to it, but not to Allegra. And I'm not walking down the aisle with him, just so you know. I'm walking down it with Daddy. But before Blaire could comment, they got separated by the crowd, as well-wishers and the press pushed around them.

Later, when the crowd thinned, Allegra saw Dame Elizabeth Coleson come over to congratulate her father. They were chatting easily in the midst of a cluster of people, and Blaire had moved off slightly to talk to friends. But Allegra saw her glance over her shoulder at Simon and she looked tense. Allegra was beginning to wonder if Jeff was right and her mother didn't feel well.

They all went out to various parties afterward. Allegra and Jeff went to one that Sherry Lansing gave, upstairs at the Bistro right after the awards, and then to another at Spago after that, but none of them was as good as the one that Irving Lazar used to give in the old days. But they had fun anyway, and two days later Carmen and Alan left for Switzerland, with a mountain of suitcases and hanging bags and garment bags and boxes. It looked like a traveling circus leaving town, but in the midst of it all, Carmen looked ecstatic. She was going with him.

Just don't forget to come back in time, Allegra reminded her after accompanying them to the airport. Alan was looking totally aggravated at the amount of stuff Carmen had brought, and the press had appeared, tipped off as usual, and was adding even more irritation to an already chaotic departure.

The VIP agents from the airline and Allegra finally got them on the plane, and she got Alan to sign a few last papers she'd brought in her briefcase, and she went back to town in peace in the limousine, and even had free time to call Jeff. It was heaven.

How was it? Jeff asked when she called him.

Unbelievable, as usual.

Were they wearing the polyester suits and the wigs? They should have.

You're right, they should have, she laughed. Alan was carrying some kind of a bear that Carmen takes everywhere, and she was wearing a sable parka, and a stretch suit that would have knocked anyone's eyes out. I still wish we were getting married in Vegas the way they did.

So do I. Speaking of which, he said cautiously, I spoke to my mother today. She really wants us to come East to see her. I'd like to do it before I start the movie. That was in two weeks and she couldn't imagine it. She was handling all the last-minute details for Bram Morrison's tour. And just double-checking the security arrangements and their contracts and liabilities was overwhelming. She had also met Jeff's Harvard friend by then, Tony Jacobson, who was coproducing his film with him. And she knew Tony and Jeff both had a ton of work to do before starting to shoot. She couldn't imagine how either of them could go East, even to meet his mother.

I don't see how, Jeff ‘ but I'll try. I promise.

I told her we'd come out the last weekend in April. He was holding his breath, praying she'd agree to do it. His mother was already upset that Jeff had proposed to Allegra before she had met her. Can you do it?

I'll do it, I'll do it. It was two days before the first concert of Bram's tour, a local one fortunately, but it was still going to be a major effort.

We'll just go over the weekend, overnight if you'd prefer. He was willing to do anything to accommodate her, but it meant a lot to him, and she couldn't deny him that. He'd done nothing but help her and be understanding since the day they met. She owed him this much. If you want, we could stop and see your father in Boston on the way back, Jeff suggested, trying to be equitable, but there was an immediate silence.

Charles Stanton is not my father. He was still dying to know why not, and she still hadn't told him. But her comment gave him the opportunity to ask her that night, while they were both cooking dinner. They had it down to a science now. He did the meat, and she did all the trimmings. She was good at vegetables and salads and all the tasty, decorative little goodies, and he loved doing steaks, and chops, and chicken. But when he asked her again, as usual, there was a long silence.

Maybe I should stop asking you? he suggested. She'd been avoiding the questions for two weeks, ever since he'd first heard about him. But I'd kind of like to know why it was so traumatic. Maybe we do need to get this over with. What does your therapist think? Have you asked her? he asked fairly, and Allegra nodded.

She said to tell you. There was another long silence as she put his rice and broccoli on his plate, and Jeff added a slice of broiled fish to it. It made a very appealing dinner. She had also made garlic bread, and a small salad.

Voila! he said with a flourish as they sat down, and Allegra smiled a wintry smile at him. She was thinking of Charles Stanton. And it was as though Jeff had read her mind. Why do you hate him so much, Allie? he asked quietly. What did he do to you, or your mom? Jeff guessed it must have been pretty awful. But she shrugged as she started to pick at her dinner.

He really didn't do anything ‘ then. ‘ It's more what he didn't do after. ‘ I had a brother named Patrick ‘ Paddy. She smiled, looking up at Jeff. He was my hero. He was five years older than I was. He did everything for me ‘ I was his little princess. Most brothers beat their sisters up’ . Paddy never did. He fixed my dolls when they broke, he put my mittens on, he tied my shoelaces, till ‘ Her eyes filled with tears; they always did when she talked about Paddy. She still had a picture of him. She kept it in a locked drawer in her office. She couldn't bear putting it on the desk. It still hurt too much almost twenty-five years later. He died when I was five, she said in a strangled voice. He had a rare form of leukemia, which they couldn't cure in those days. And they're not always lucky with it now either. He knew he was going to die. He used to tell me that he was going to go up to heaven and wait for me. Her eyes filled with tears again and Jeff stopped eating and reached out a hand to touch her.

I'm sorry. He felt a lump in his throat as he said it.

She nodded, but went on now that she had started. Maybe Dr. Green was right. It was better to tell him and have it done with. I used to beg him not to leave me. But he said he had to. He was so sick at the end. I still remember it. You're not supposed to remember things about when you were five, not much anyway. I remember everything about Paddy. I remember the day he died. She choked on the words but went on anyway, and Jeff handed her a paper napkin. She smiled at him through her tears, and wished he could have met her brother. She wished he were still alive. She had wished that often.

I think my dad went kind of crazy when he died. He had tried treating him at the end, apparently. I didn't know that, but Mom told me later. But he couldn't do anything. No one could. But that was my father's specialty and it drove him crazy that he couldn't help him. He never thought much of me, maybe because I was so young, or a girl, or ‘ I don't know ‘ I don't remember much about him, just Paddy. My father was never really there, he was always working. And then my brother died and he fell apart, and he took it out on my mother. He shouted at her all the time, he blamed her for everything. And somehow, like all kids, I thought it was my fault. I thought I had done something terrible to make Paddy die and my father hate us. All I remembered was his screaming.

It went on like that for about a year. I think he was drinking a lot. My parents fought all the time, their whole marriage fell apart. I used to hide in the closet and cry at night, so I wouldn't hear them fighting.

It sounds awful, Jeff said sympathetically.

It was. Eventually, he started hitting her. I was always afraid he would hit me, and I always felt guilty for not stopping it, but there was nothing I could do. And I kept thinking that if Paddy hadn't died, none of that would have happened, but maybe it would have. He started blaming my mom for everything, he even said it was her fault Paddy had died, and she said she was going to leave him. He told her that if she did, he'd turn his back on us and we'd starve in the street without him. My mom had no family, and I guess she didn't have any money saved up. A long time later, she told me she had a plan, and she started sending short stories to magazines. She saved a few thousand dollars. And one night after he beat her up, she took me and we left. I remember we stayed in a hotel where it was really cold, and I remember being very hungry, and she bought me donuts. She was probably scared to death to spend much money.

I think we hid there for a while, and he never found us, but then she went to talk to him at his office, and she took me with her. Everyone at his office acted like he was a god or something, and he was a big deal at Harvard Medical School. Nobody knew that he used to beat my mother up, or any of it. They just felt sorry for him because of Paddy.

Mom told him she wanted to go away, and he told her that if she did, he'd never see either of us again, and I could die too for all he cared. He said that if we left, I was no longer his daughter. Her eyes swam in tears again as Jeff continued to squeeze her hand, but said nothing. That's what he said, I was no longer his daughter. And Mom said we were leaving anyway. He said we were both dead, as we left his office. And I kept waiting to die after we left it. He didn't say good-bye, or kiss me or anything. He acted like he hated us. I guess he hated my mom just then, and in his head, I was all rolled up with it. My mom said he'd change his mind after a while, and I would always be his daughter. She said he was just really sad about Paddy, and acting crazy. And she told me we were going out to California. We came by bus, and every now and then she'd call him, but he'd never talk to her and even hung up on her.

When we got to L.A., she started writing for television right away. I think she got some lucky breaks, they really liked her stuff. And she told her story to some man at the network one day when I was with her, and he cried while he listened. I think he gave her a lot of work. And about six months after we got here, she met Simon. I was six and a half by then. We left Boston right after my sixth birthday. We had been in the freezing cold hotel on my birthday, and there had been no cake and no presents. Daddy never even said happy birthday or called me. But after everything that had happened to us in the past year, I felt I didn't deserve anything anyway. I felt to blame for everything, but I was never quite sure why. I just figured it was my fault.

For years I wrote to my father, asking him to forgive us, and he never wrote back to me. And finally he did write and he told me that what my mother had done was disgraceful and unforgivable, that she should never have left him. She had gone to Hollywood like a whore, and abandoned him, and that I was living a life of sin and debauchery in California and he didn't want to know me. I tore the letter up so I wouldn't have to see it. And I cried for weeks. But by then, Simon was like a father to me. And eventually, I just gave up on Charles Stanton. She never referred to him anymore as her father. He came out to see me, or I guess he happened to be in California, when I was about fifteen, and for some reason he called, and I wanted to see him. And he agreed to see me. I was so curious about him. I wanted to see what he was like then. But it was just more of the same. I had tea with him at the Bel Air. Mom dropped me off, and all he did was say a lot of terrible things about her. He never asked about me, or said he was sorry he hadn't seen me in ten years or that he hadn't written to me. He just said that I was a lot like my mother and he was sorry to see it. He said that she and I had been very unfair to him and we would pay for it one day. It was a horrible afternoon, and I ran all the way home, I didn't even wait for Mom to pick me up. I just wanted to get away from him. And I never heard from him again, until I was stupid enough to invite him to my graduation from college seven years later. And he actually came, to Yale, and he dumped all over me again, but by then I was kind of fed up with the whole thing. I told him I never wanted to see him again after he insulted my mother at the graduation.

He sent me a Christmas card once, God only knows why, and I wrote and told him I was in law school. And I never heard from him again. He completely abandoned and rejected me. My mom may have left him in Boston, but I was still his daughter. He didn't have to cross me out of his life completely, but he did. And for years, I always had this obsession with wanting to see him, wanting to hear from him, wanting to run after him. But I'm over it now. I don't give a damn anymore. It's over. He's gone, he's not my father. And now my mother wants to put him on our wedding invitation. I can't believe it. But I'm not having my name on the same page as his, I can tell you. He's not my father. And he doesn't want to be either. The only decent thing he could have ever done for me was let me go completely and let Simon adopt me, and when I asked him to do that, that day at the Bel Air when I was fifteen, he said that was rude and humiliating and he would never do it. The guy is a completely selfish sonofabitch, and I don't care how respectable he is, or what a good doctor, he's a miserable human being. And he's no longer my father. He had abandoned her emotionally, and she had paid for it for almost twenty-five years. She was not yet ready to forgive him, and she doubted if she ever would be.

I can see why you feel that way about him, Allie. Why invite him to the wedding? You certainly don't have to. He felt so sorry for her after hearing all of it. Although he knew that she had had a good life and a far happier childhood in the home of Simon Steinberg. But the early loss of her brother, and the rejection of her natural father, had obviously hurt her deeply. And she had looked for rejecting men for years, in order to continue the same story. But at last, after years of help from Dr. Green, she had finally broken the pattern.

My mother thinks I should include him. Can you believe that? I think she's crazy. She's trying to heap her old guilt, and whatever relationship she may have had with him all those years ago, on me, and she expects me to carry it along. And I'm not going to. I don't care if the bastard dies on my doorstep, I don't want him at our wedding.

Then don't have him, Jeff said simply.

Tell Mom. She's driving me nuts over this. She keeps asking if I called him. And I told her, I'm not going to.

What does Simon say?

I haven't asked him, but he's always so obsessed with being fair. That's why I invited my father to my graduation. Simon kept saying that it wasn't fair not to invite him, that he would be so proud of me. But he didn't give a damn. He just came and was rude to everyone, even Sam, and she was only ten years old then. Scott hated him on sight. He never understood who he was. I wouldn't let Mom and Simon tell him. They just said he was an old friend. They know now, but I never used to admit to them that Simon wasn't my father. I was always afraid that it would make me a second-class citizen and they wouldn't love me as much, but the truth is, Simon never treated me any differently than the others. If anything, he treated me better. She smiled, and then sighed, poking at her fish again. And then she looked back at Jeff. I've been very lucky, except for the early days. But they had obviously traumatized her, and it had taken years to recover. So what do you think I should do? she asked Jeff fairly.

Whatever you like, he stressed again, this is our wedding. You do what you want, not what your mother thinks you should do.

I think she still feels guilty for leaving him sometimes, so she wants to throw him a bone to make him feel better. But I don't owe him that, Jeff. Not with my life. He's never, ever been decent to me.

You don't owe him anything. I think I'd tell your mother to keep him off the invitations, Jeff said firmly.

I agree with you, she said, relieved that he at least understood. And I don't care if it is proper to put him on. How proper has he been to me for the last twenty-four years?

He never remarried? Jeff was curious. It was, in its own way, for all concerned a tragic story. And her brother dying must have devastated them all, to the point that they could no longer recover.

He never remarried, Allegra confirmed. Who would want him?

He may not be as disturbed as he was then, you know. That all sounds pretty traumatic.

So was my early childhood. She sat back in her chair with a sigh, relieved that it was all out in the open. Anyway, now you know all my ugly secrets. I'm really Allegra Charlotte Stanton, except if you ever call me that, I'll kill you. Steinberg suits me just fine, she said bluntly.

Me too, he said, still thinking about her story. And he came around the table to kiss her.

Neither of them finished their dinner that night, and they went for a long walk on the beach to talk about her father. Allegra felt as though a thousand-pound weight had been lifted from her. She was glad that Jeff knew about her childhood. And, somehow, talking about her father now, as angry as she still was at him in some ways, she didn't really care anymore. She had Jeff, and her own life. At last she was healing.

She sat on his deck afterward for a long time, and it was a beautiful night. She lay against him, as they drank a little wine, and relaxed, and it was after midnight when the phone rang.

Don't answer it, Jeff begged, but she just couldn't. Someone's either got hemorrhoids or they're in jail. And either way, they're going to expect you to solve it.

I can't help it. It's my job, and maybe they really need me. But it wasn't a client, it was Sam, and she asked if the next day she and Allegra could spend some time together.

Allegra was surprised by the call, but not completely. Every now and then, Sam reached out to her, usually when she needed Allegra to convince their parents of something. Did you have a fight with Mom? Allegra couldn't help asking with a smile.

No, she's too busy screaming at everybody about the garden and the kitchen. It's a wonder she doesn't have a heart attack, Sam said, unamused. Her mother had been very difficult lately.

Not to mention the wedding, Allegra added.

Yeah, I know, Sam said, sounding more serious again. Where shall I meet you?

What's this about? Allegra wanted to know ahead of time. A modeling contract or something?

Yeah ‘ Sam said cryptically, sort of.

I'll pick you up at twelve o'clock. Jeff is having lunch with Tony Jacobson, his coproducer. We'll go someplace fun like The Ivy, or Nate N Al's.

Let's go somewhere and talk, Sam said quietly, and Allegra smiled at her younger sister.

Okay. This sounds serious. It must be love.

It is, Sam agreed glumly.

Well, I'm getting better at that, but actually I think I just got lucky. I'll do what I can.

Thanks, Al, her sister said, and Allegra reiterated her promise to pick her up at noon on Sunday. She was touched that Sam had called her.

Doesn't anyone call us at normal hours? Jeff complained, as Allegra told him about Sam's call.

She sounded upset. She must have a new boyfriend.

At least she's family, he conceded. That made sense to him at least, a lot more than Malachi O'Donovan calling from some drunk tank.

Do you mind my having lunch with her tomorrow? Allegra asked as they went to bed a few minutes later. He had wanted her to join him with Tony. And she liked Tony a lot. He was very Eastern and very smart. He was from New York, and his father was one of the biggest investment bankers on Wall Street. He'd helped them get backers for the film, and given them some great advice. Tony was very different from Jeff, but Allegra genuinely liked him.

Not at all. I'll meet you afterward. Maybe we can all play some tennis. I understand, and so will Tony. He'll love Sam, he teased, and his fianc+¬e gave him the disapproving look of a much older sister.

My dad will love that. She glared at him, and then chuckled. Everything was working out fine. And he was right. She didn't need to invite Charles Stan-ton to their wedding. All she had to do now was tell her mother. And she could do that the next day, after she had lunch with Samantha. She smiled to herself, thinking of Sam's call, and wondered what advice she needed about the new boyfriend. Allegra was certainly no expert, but she was nattered anyway that Sam had called her. Their relationship meant a lot to both of them, although Sam was a brat at times, but even when she was, Allegra loved her.

Chapter 14

As promised, Allegra picked her sister up on Sunday on schedule. She thought it might be fun if she took her to lunch at the Ivy. They could cruise through the secondhand shops on North Robertson after that, relax with each other, and have some fun. Lately Sam had been acting fairly bratty, and Allegra was anxious to spend some quality time with her.

But there was nothing bratty about the way she acted today. In fact, she had barely spoken by the time Allegra pulled out of the driveway. Allegra couldn't help wondering what was bothering her. But Sam made it all the way through lunch almost without speaking.

So what's the deal? Allegra finally asked, wondering what had prompted her to ask Allegra to come and see her. A new guy giving you a problem? She had always had dates in the last two years, but she had never had a steady boyfriend. Unlike Allegra, who, at her age, had always been madly in love with someone.

Sort of. Sam shrugged noncommittally, and then as her eyes filled with tears, she said, Not really.

So what is it then? Allegra pressed her a little bit as the waiter brought their cappuccinos. Lunch had been delicious, as usual. But Sam had hardly eaten. Come on, Sam ‘ cough it up’ . Whatever it is, it won't be so bad once you share it. But apparently it was, because she dropped her head in her hands and started crying softly. Oh, Sam ‘ Allegra rubbed a hand across her shoulders. Come on, baby, tell me, she whispered. But when her sister raised her face to hers again, Allegra could see the bottomless despair that had overwhelmed her. Sam, please ‘

I'm pregnant. Sam almost choked on the words as she said them. I'm having a baby’ . She just sat there and cried quietly, as Allegra stared at her for an instant and then hugged her.

Oh, sweetheart ‘ oh, God ‘ How did that happen ‘ ? Who did it? As though it had been something that had been done to her, and not something she had shared in. But Allegra had never heard her mention anyone's name, and certainly not a steady boyfriend.

I did it, Sam said, taking the full blame upon herself. She looked desolate, as she tossed the shining platinum hair over her shoulders.

Not all by yourself, Allegra said, unless things have changed a whole lot lately. Who's the father? What words for a seventeen-year-old child: father ‘ mother ‘ not just Who is the boy? It really brought home the idea that she was having a baby, a child, a living, breathing person.

It doesn't matter, Sam answered glumly.

Oh, yes, it does, Allegra insisted. Are you involved with someone at school? Without even knowing him, Allegra wanted to kill him, but she was pretending to stay calm, for Sam's sake. Just listening to her, her heart was pounding and her mind was racing. But Sam only shook her head in answer. Come on, Sam, who is it?

I don't want you to do anything about it if I tell you.

Were you raped? Allegra asked in a rasping whisper, but Sam shook her head again.

No, I wasn't. It's my own fault. I did it willingly. I was so impressed with him ‘ I thought ‘ I don't know, she said, tears flooding her eyes again. I guess I was nattered. He was so worldly and so grown-up. He was thirty. A thirty-year-old with a seventeen-year-old girl? He should have known better, at least, and he obviously hadn't even had the decency to use protection.

Were you a virgin? Allegra asked, overwhelmed with concern for her, and Sam shook her head, and didn't offer further details. Allegra knew she wasn't promiscuous, but she was also almost eighteen years old, and there had obviously been someone before who mattered to her. She didn't want to press her on anything but the present. How did you meet him?

He was the photographer on a shoot I did, she said miserably. He's French. I thought he was so cool because he was from Paris. He treated me like I was a woman of the world, and he was really handsome.

Have you told him yet? Allegra could hardly wait to get her hands on the guy. He'd be lucky if they didn't have him deported. They could have him put in jail for statutory rape. She could just imagine their father. But Sam was looking bereft as she shook her head yet again.

I don't really want to anyway. But I called the agency and they said he went to Japan or someplace. He was just passing through, and they didn't really know him. He wanted the pictures for his own portfolio before he went to Tokyo. Nobody knows how to find him. It doesn't matter anyway, I never want to see him again. He was okay, but he was kind of a jerk in the end. He offered me some drugs afterward, and when I said I didn't want them, he called me a baby. And now she was having one. His name was Jean-Luc. But no one even knows his last name.

Jesus Christ. Allegra was sputtering, she was so mad. Is that how they run their agency? They ought to be put in jail too if that's how they deal with minors.

I'm almost eighteen, Al. I should at least be able to handle a modeling gig without having my hand held.

Apparently not, Allegra said sternly, and then reminded herself that she didn't want to be unduly harsh on her. Sam was in enough misery, and Allegra wanted to help her. That had to remain her focus. And at least her sister had had the guts to come to her with her problem. I assume you haven't said anything to Mom yet.

I really don't want to, Sam said, and Allegra nodded. She wouldn't have wanted to at Sam's age either, although their mother was usually incredibly understanding, and some of their friends had always gone to her with problems, rather than their own mothers. But her mother had been so wound up about the wedding and her show lately, that Sam just hadn't been able to bring herself to tell her.

So what are we going to do about this mess? Allegra asked, with a sinking heart. As far as she was concerned, at Sam's age, there was only one solution. She couldn't see her sister ruining her life by saddling herself with a baby. I'll take you to my own doctor tomorrow. Maybe we don't even have to tell Mom. I want to think about this before we decide, Allegra said, thinking it over.

I can't, Sam said stubbornly, and Allegra looked at her in confusion.

You can't what?

Go to the doctor with you ‘ not to get rid of it anyway.

Why not? Allegra's face filled with terror. You're not going to keep it, are you? Sam, you don't even know who the guy is. You can't have this baby all by yourself. It's just plain stupid. Why was she getting sentimental about this? She suddenly thought of Carmen and her acting like it was already born because she'd seen the fetus on a sonogram, and she wondered if that had happened to Sam already too. Bonding.

I can't get rid of it, Al, not with an abortion anyway.

Why? Her family had strong morals, but they were reasonable generally, and they weren't Catholic. Allegra couldn't understand it.

I'm five months' pregnant.

What? Allegra almost fell out of her chair when she heard the words. Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner? What have you been doing for the last five months? Dreaming?

I didn't know, Sam said honestly, tears spilling onto her cheeks and from there to the table. I swear. My periods are so irregular, I just thought that maybe it was from too much exercise or dieting, or exams, or worrying about getting into college ‘ I don't know. I never thought I could be pregnant.

How could you not even suspect? Isn't it moving or something? Does it show? She glanced at her, but she was rail thin and wore baggy clothes, so Allegra could see nothing.

I sort of thought I was just gaining weight, and I've had this enormous appetite. And then she looked even more miserable. It didn't move till last week. And then I felt it. I thought maybe I had cancer and it was exploding inside me or something. The poor kid had no idea. There they were in the civilized world, in one of the most sophisticated cities in the country, and poor Sam thought she had a tumor. Talk about denial. Allegra felt desperately sorry for her, but the problem was so complicated now, it really required some serious thinking.

You'll have to give it up, I guess. Sam just stared at her, numb. She couldn't even conceive what the it was. They had offered to show it to her on a sonogram, and she had refused to see it. She didn't want to know its sex, or know anything about it. She didn't want it to be there.

What am I going to do, Al? I'll have to run away if I don't tell Mom and Dad soon. That was a frightening thought. The whole situation was a disaster.

You can't do that.

I don't know what else to do. I thought of running away all last week, but I wanted to talk to you first. The very thought of it made her shudder.

We have to tell Mom. If she really has a fit, or they throw you out or something, you can come and stay with me till you have it. She looked up at Sam again then. When is it due? This was beyond awful. And this wasn't Carmen. It was her seventeen-year-old sister.

In August. Al ‘ will you help me tell them? Allegra nodded and the two sisters held hands across the table. And a few minutes later, Allegra noticed two women with buzz cuts smiling at them approvingly. They thought she and Sam were lovers. It was the only thing that had happened so far that actually made her smile, and she mentioned it to Sam as she paid the check finally. It had been some lunch. She had acute indigestion.

When do you want to tell them?

Never, she said honestly. But I guess I'd better tell them soon, before it starts to show or anything. Mom has looked at me funny a couple of times when I took too many helpings of breakfast. But she's been so busy with the show, and the backyard, and you and everything, I don't think she's really noticed. And Dad doesn't have a clue. He still thinks I'm five years old and should be wearing pigtails. But they both loved that about him. In spite of being worldly-wise in so many ways, there was an innocence about him that really touched them. He believed the best of all of them, and of most of the people he knew. He rarely said anything unkind about anyone. And Sam knew this was going to break his heart. She would have done anything not to tell him, but she knew she couldn't.

I'll come over tomorrow, and we'll talk to them, Allegra said, as though they were going to the guillotine together. But then what? What was she going to do with it? That was the real question. What do you want to do, Sam? Do you want to give it up? Keep it? She had to ask her those questions. The baby was only four months away and she had to face it, but she couldn't.

Every time I think about it, it just scares me too much. I just want it to go away, and be like it never happened.

That's not going to happen, her older sister informed her, but as for the rest, Sam wasn't up to making any decisions.

They went for a walk after they left the restaurant, but they didn't go into any of the shops. Neither of them were in the mood. And eventually, Allegra took her home again. She gave her a big hug, and told her to try to stay calm until the following afternoon, and then they'd all deal with it together.

And no bullshit about running away, you hear! she said pointedly. You can't run away from things like this. We'll face it together.

Thanks, Al, she said, and really meant it. Her whole body seemed to sag as Allegra watched her walk into the house, but at least nothing showed yet. But Allegra could only begin to imagine her parents' reaction. The next afternoon was not going to be easy. No matter how understanding they were, it was still going to be a terrible blow to them. And it was the kind of problem that could have no happy resolution. If she gave it up, she'd probably regret it to some degree all her life, or at least think of it with pain from time to time, and if she kept it, it could change her life, in a negative way, forever. In fact, Allegra couldn't see any positives to it at all. In Sam's circumstances, it was nothing short of a disaster.

It was so odd to think that to Carmen it was a great joy, and to her, it might have been too, and Jeff was even talking about wanting a baby fairly soon, and yet in someone else's life the same circumstance was a tragedy instead of a blessing. It was all so confusing.

She drove back to Malibu feeling acutely depressed, and she was still sitting on the beach with her arms around her knees when Jeff got home two hours later. His lunch with his coproducer had gone much longer than anticipated. They had so many things to discuss about the movie. But he could tell just from looking at her, when he stepped out on the deck and saw her, that something hadn't gone well that afternoon. She looked completely withdrawn and as though she were in her own private world. He wondered if she had called her father.

Hi, there, he said, as he sat down on the beach next to her, and she turned her head toward him but didn't answer. Did you and Sam have a run-in today? he asked, stroking her long blond hair with gentle fingers.

No, she said, smiling sadly at him. He was so good to her, and in his own way, so like Simon. It was so odd that for so many years she had had to fight the demons in her soul, and now she had finally put them to rest, and she was free to love someone like him.

You don't look too happy. Bad news of some kind?

She nodded, and looked out at the ocean.

Can I help? She knew that Sam probably wouldn't have wanted her to tell Jeff yet, but it wasn't going to be a secret for long, not if she was due in August.

I'm not sure anyone can. She looked him in the eye. Sam is five months' pregnant.

Oh, shit, he said succinctly. Who's the father? He didn't think she had a boyfriend.

The father is some thirty-year-old Frenchman with no last name, who passed through here five months ago apparently on his way to Tokyo. The agency has no record of him, and neither does Sam. He just came to town, took some pictures of her, and left her with a baby.

Great. Can she still have an abortion at five months, or does she even want one?

No to either one. It's too late, and she doesn't want one anyway. We're going to tell my parents tomorrow.

Will she keep it?

I don't know. I think she's too shell-shocked to work any of it out just now. But I don't think she should keep it. She's too young, and it'll ruin her life. But I don't have a right to tell her what to do. This is a major life decision.

It sure is, he said, in awe of what was facing all of them. If there's anything I can do to help ‘ he said, feeling useless. There was nothing any of them could do now except support her through it.

I told her that if she has a total blowout with Mom and Dad, she can come and live with me. I could move back to my house for four months, she said, looking depressed over that too, but it was the least she could do for her sister.

She can stay here with us, Jeff said quickly. I'll be working on the set all the time pretty soon anyway. I could give her my office as a bedroom.

You're a nice man, she said, and meant it, as she kissed him.

They went for a long walk on the beach after that, and talked late into the night. And the next day, after work, she drove to her parents' house, as she had promised. It was just after five and she and Sam waited for them to come home from work. They were both usually home by six-thirty. The two girls were sitting nervously in the living room when Blaire and Simon walked in within five minutes of each other. They both seemed to be in a good mood, and they were pleased and surprised to see Allegra. But as soon as Blaire saw the way her daughters looked at them, she knew that something had happened, and her heart started pounding. It was Scott. Something had happened to him. She was sure of it they had called Allegra instead and her eyes went straight to her older daughter.

What's wrong? Allegra knew immediately what she was thinking, and she was quick to reassure her.

Nothing, Mom. No one's hurt, everyone's fine, we just want to talk to you.

Oh, God. Blaire sank into a chair, as Simon looked worriedly at all of them. Even he sensed that something serious was in the air, and he was much less of a worrier than Blaire was. I thought Scott had gotten hurt, Blaire confessed, thinking of Paddy. It's something about the wedding, isn't it? she said. Allegra had on that purposeful look she got when something was important to her. She was probably going to demand they cut the numbers back again, but Blaire didn't have the strength to argue with her. What is it?

I need to talk to you, Mom. Sam spoke up with a quavering voice. And her father looked at her with narrowed eyes. She had never looked, or sounded, quite like that.

Is something wrong? he asked, as they all sat down.

Kind of, Sam admitted, and there was a long silence, and then, as her eyes filled with tears, she looked at Allegra. She just couldn't do it.

Do you want me to tell them, Sam? Allegra asked in an undervoice, and her younger sister nodded. And Allegra looked at her parents then, and told them the hardest thing she knew she'd ever have to say. But it was better to get it over with, and get it out in the open. Sam is five months' pregnant, she said very calmly, and Blaire went so pale that Allegra thought her mother might faint. But Simon looked no better.

What? was all he said, and the silence in the room was deafening. But they had heard her. How is that possible? Was this date rape, or something of the kind? Why didn't you tell us? It was inconceivable to him that she had cooperated in this mess, but she had, and Blaire understood that much as she stared at both of her daughters. It was beyond her to offer any sympathy or comfort just yet, she was in too much shock herself, and she hadn't absorbed it.

It wasn't date rape, Dad. It was just very stupid, Sam admitted to them, wiping the tears off her face with her hand. She looked awful.

Is it someone you care about? her father asked, still trying to fathom what had happened.

No, Sam said, honest again. I thought I did, but I was more nattered than anything. He kind of swept me off my feet, and then he was gone.

Who is he? her father asked, beginning to glower.

A photographer I met. And you can't put him in jail. He's gone, Dad. And I can't even find him. Allegra explained the circumstances to them, and Blaire started to cry as she looked at her youngest daughter.

I can't believe you were so foolish, Sam. And why didn't you tell me?

I didn't even know, Mom. I didn't even suspect it till last week, and then I went to the doctor. And after that, I was just too scared to tell anyone. I was going to run away and just disappear, or die, or something. But then I decided to call Allegra.

Thank God. Her mother shot a grateful look at Allegra, and then went to sit next to Sam and put an arm around her shoulders. And from across the room, Simon was fighting back tears, and Allegra went to put her arms around him and hugged him.

I love you, Dad, she whispered, and he held her and cried. It was really a disaster, but at least they had each other.

What are we going to do about this? he asked, as he blew his nose and wiped away tears, and sat down next to Allegra on the couch opposite Sam and Blaire.

We don't have much choice, Blaire said practically. She looked at Sam and it broke her heart to think about it. She was so beautiful and so young, and so undaunted by life. But now it was beginning. The first scar. The first major life experience. The first tragedy, or great grief. And there was nothing she could do to protect her from it. You'll have to have the baby, Sam, she said gently. It's too late not to.

I know, Mom, she said, but had no idea what that entailed, for her heart, or her body. So far, it had all been pretty easy. She hadn't been sick, she hadn't been anything. She had just been hungry. And now she was scared. But the rest was still a mystery, and she'd have to discover it herself in the next four months. No one could take this from her.

And then you'll have to give it up. There's no other way, unless you ruin your life. You don't need a baby to mess up your life at seventeen. You'll be going to UCLA in the fall. When is this baby due? she asked, her spirit of organization moving into play rapidly. She was sorting it out in her head now.

August.

You can have it, and give it up, and be in school on time in September. The only thing you'll have to forfeit, I'm afraid, is possibly the end of the school year, and definitely graduation. But Sam didn't say a word about that. She was thinking about something else now.

I'll be eighteen when it's born, Mom. She was turning eighteen in July. Lots of people have babies at that age.

Most of them are married. And in this case, it would be disastrous. You don't even know who the baby's father is. What will that baby be like? Who will it be?

It will be half me, Mom, Sam said, her eyes filling with tears, and part you ‘ and part Dad ‘ and part Scott and Allegra’ . We can't just give it away like an old pair of boots to the thrift shop. It was suddenly clutching at her heart, and Allegra felt desperately sorry for her.

No, but you can give it to people who desperately want a baby, who are married and have tried to have one unsuccessfully. There are people out there, waiting for babies like this, whose lives it won't destroy. For them, it will be a blessing.

What about for us? Maybe it would be a blessing for us too. She was fighting for her life, and her baby's. It was an instinct older than time, which even she didn't understand. But Blaire did. She had given birth to four children.

Are you telling me you want to keep it? Blaire looked terrified. You don't even know who the father is, and now you want to keep this baby, Sam? It's not even a love child, it's a nothing.

It's not a nothing,’ it's a baby, she said hotly, and then burst into tears again. The emotions were running too high for all of them, but Blaire was not going to let Sam sway her.

You have to give this baby up, Sam. We know what's best for you. Trust us. You'll regret it all your life if you saddle yourself with a baby now. It's not the right time, Blaire said calmly, trying to regain their equanimity again. This was just too great an upheaval if Sam had a baby at her age.

That's not a good enough reason to give up a baby, Sam said, and Allegra finally spoke up. She had to be true to herself, and her sister.

That's true, Sam, she said quietly. You have to want to give the baby up. You have to make up your own mind, because you have to live with your decision for the rest of your life. We don't, not the way you do.

Your sister's right, their father said fairly. But having said that, I agree with your mother, Sam. You're too young to take on a baby. And we're too old. It wouldn't be fair to the child if we took it on. The whole thing just isn't fair, not to you, or the child. You can give the baby a better chance if you give it up to the right people for adoption. Blaire looked at him gratefully. As always, he said what she had wanted to say, but gently, and better.

How do we know they'll be nice to it? What if they aren't? Sam was crying pitifully as she said it.

Allegra stepped in again. There are attorneys who handle nothing but adoptions like these, Sam. You don't have to go to some state agency. People with lots of money, with good homes, go to attorneys and pay a fortune to find people like you. And you get to choose among them. You can pick the couple you like best. You call all the shots. I think you'd feel pretty comfortable about it. It's not a happy thing to do, but as Dad says, there are people out there who would really love it. I have a friend who handles nothing but these adoptions. I can call her tomorrow if you like. In fact, she had already left her a message that morning.

There was an endless pause, and then finally Sam nodded. She had no recourse, no other way to turn, and she trusted them. They were telling her that she owed it to the baby to give it up, and she believed them. The hard thing for her was that she had no one else to talk to, no one else to lean on, or cry with. She didn't want to tell her friends at school; she didn't even have a boyfriend at the moment. All she had were her parents and Allegra, and they were all telling her to give the baby up, and she knew they wanted the best thing for her, and the baby.

Allegra promised to call the attorney the next day, and Sam went to her room to lie down. She felt sick and exhausted. After she left, Blaire started to cry, and Allegra sat and consoled her. Simon looked like someone had died, and the entire house seemed to be under a pall. Even the wedding was forgotten.

Poor kid, Simon said, and then shook his head miserably. How could she be so stupid?

I'd like to kill the little sonofabitch who did it, Blaire said. Good for him he's in Japan, screwing someone else, and her whole life is ruined.

It doesn't have to be, Allegra reminded her, but her mother knew better.

She'll never forget this. She'll never forget carrying that baby and giving birth to it, and holding it, and then giving it up forever. It wasn't the same thing, but she was thinking of Paddy. Twenty-five years after his death, she still missed him. She knew she would till her dying day. And Sam would never forget the firstborn she gave up to strangers. There's just no other way to do it.

You don't think she should keep it, Mom? Allegra asked cautiously. In her own mind, she wasn't convinced that giving it up was the perfect answer. As Sam said, other people had babies at eighteen and survived it. Some of them even turned out to be decent parents.

No, I don't think she should keep it, Blaire said sadly. I think it would just be compounding the stupidity. And in today's world, where there are so many decent people dying to adopt, with all the infertility there is, I think it's wrong for her to ruin her life, and deprive someone else in the process. How is she supposed to take care of it? Take it to the dorm with her? Not go to school at all? Leave it home with me? What am I supposed to do with a baby at this point in our lives? We're too old to take care of it, and she's too young.

Allegra smiled ruefully. You haven't been reading the tabloids. Plenty of women your age are getting donor eggs and donor sperm, and in vitro and Lord only knows what else, and having babies. You're not too old, you know.

Blaire almost shuddered. Some women may be doing all that, but I'm not. I had four kids. I was fortunate. But I'm not going to bring up another baby at my age. I'd be in my seventies when it was in its teens that would definitely be enough to kill me. They all smiled ruefully, and they all agreed the best solution for all concerned was to give it up, especially for Sam's sake. She needed a clean slate, and then she could go to college in the fall and start over. It was just a shame that she couldn't go to graduation. Blaire said she'd have to go to Sam's school and discuss the situation discreetly with the headmaster. It was certainly not the first time something like it had happened. Sam was a good student, and the school year was almost over. In that way at least, she was lucky.

I'll call Suzanne Pearlman tomorrow. She's the lawyer I was talking about. We went to law school together, and I see her every once in a while. She's good at this stuff, and she is very picky about her clients. I always give her a bad time about the baby mill she runs. I never thought I'd be calling her as a client. I left her a message today, and I'll call her again tomorrow morning.

Thanks, Allie, Simon said gratefully. The sooner we can get this behind us the better. Maybe it's a blessing that she's so far along. In four months it'll be over, and she can forget it. If she ever does, Allegra thought to herself sadly.

It was after nine o'clock when she finally left them and drove back to Malibu where Jeff was waiting to hear how it had gone. He felt desperately sorry for Sam, and he looked sadly at Allegra when she told him everything that had happened.

Poor thing. She must feel like her life is about to end. What a rotten way to start out. I got a girl pregnant in college once, he said, looking miserable remembering it fifteen years later. It was awful. She got an abortion, but the whole thing was incredibly traumatic. She was Catholic, from Boston, and her parents didn't know, of course, and she practically had a nervous breakdown over it. We both ended up in counseling, and needless to say, the relationship didn't survive, but we almost didn't either. Maybe what you're doing with Sam is a better way to go. I don't think that girl I knew ever forgave herself for the abortion.

I'm not sure this is any better, Allegra said. There was a gnawing feeling deep inside her that told her it was almost worse, or that they were both too high a price to pay for a mistake. Any way she went, she would pay for it forever. I feel so sorry for her, Allegra said, and he agreed. She called her later that night and Sam sounded just awful. She said she had felt sick all night, and for once she couldn't even eat dinner. Allegra urged her to take care of herself and try to calm down. Blaire had already said she was taking her to her doctor the next day, to make sure everything was in order. There was no ignoring it anymore. Now that it was out in the open, Sam had to face the fact that she was having a baby. She was having it and giving it away, and she had to do what everyone else thought was right for her. She felt as though she had given up her life to all of them, but she didn't want to be mean to them and say so. She knew they had her best interests at heart, and all things considered, her family had been incredibly supportive, but she still felt awful.

Allegra called her attorney friend at eight o'clock the next day, and Suzanne agreed to see her at nine before her first appointment.

Don't tell me you want to adopt, Suzanne said, looking surprised when Allegra arrived at her office. She wasn't wearing a wedding ring, and Suzanne knew she wasn't married, but stranger things had happened.

No, I'm kind of at the other end of things, I'm afraid. Allegra seemed pained as she looked at her old friend. Suzanne was small and delicate, with short dark hair and a warm smile all her clients loved her. She also got great results for them, and somehow, through doctors and individuals and other attorneys she knew, babies just seemed to find her. Allegra got right to the point. My seventeen-year-old sister is pregnant.

Oh, God. I'm sorry. That's awful. What a miserable decision to have to make. Is it too late for an abortion?

Much. She found out last week, and she's five months' pregnant.

That's not unusual, you know, Suzanne explained, as they sat on the couch in her office. I guess their periods are often irregular at that age, so they never even seem to suspect until it's too late. And their bodies are in such good shape that nothing shows. I've had kids come in here at seven months, and never suspected they were pregnant. Then, of course, there's always denial. This can't be happening to me.’ It can't happen on the first date,’ first time, last date, whatever. She sighed. It was a business built on grief and joy; the secret of her success was knowing how to mix it. Does she want to give it up? she asked Allegra very directly.

I don't think she knows what she wants, to be honest, but she knows it's the best thing to do at her age.

Not necessarily. I've seen fifteen year olds turn into terrific mothers. And I've seen women our age give them up because they know they just can't take care of anyone else, and don't want to. What does she want? That's really the key here.

I think a part of her would probably like to keep it. That's probably sheer instinct. But I think she also knows she can't take care of it. She's willing to give it up.

But does she want to?

Does anyone? Allegra asked honestly, and Suzanne nodded. She was good at what she did, and Allegra respected her for it. She had always liked her.

Some. Some women, or even girls, just have no maternal instinct at all. Others do, but make decisions based on practical motives. That's the hard part. I'd want to talk to your sister myself, to make sure that she's committed to giving the baby up. I don't like breaking hearts here. I don't want to offer the baby to some couple who've been trying to get pregnant for ten years, and have finally figured out it won't work for them, and then have your sister, or anyone for that matter, change their mind at the last minute. It happens sometimes, and you can never completely predict how someone will feel when they see their baby, but most of the time you can tell if someone's serious about relinquishing a baby.

I honestly think she will, Allegra said sincerely. It seemed to be the only answer for her.

Why don't you bring her in to see me.

They made an appointment for later that week, and Allegra called her mother at the office. She thanked Allegra profusely for taking care of it, and then reminded her that she had to start thinking about things like a wedding dress and bridesmaids.

Oh, Mom, Allegra said, from the sublime to the ridiculous. How can you think about that now?

We have to. Thank God, the baby business will be behind us by the time you get married. The next few months are going to be a nightmare. Especially for Sam, they both agreed. Her mother wasn't even angry at her, they just felt desperately sorry for her. And then Allegra told her that she was definite, and proper or not, she did not want her father on her wedding invitation. She would agree to let him come to the wedding, if he wanted to, but not announce it. It seemed a fair compromise to both of them, and Allegra promised to go shopping for a wedding dress as soon as she got Sam squared away with the attorney.

Allegra and Sam went to see Suzanne later that week. Blaire couldn't come, she had an appointment at the network. And Sam said she'd rather go with Allegra anyway. She really liked the young attorney. They talked to each other alone for a while, while Allegra waited in the waiting room and made calls on her cellular phone. Eventually Suzanne invited her back in, and announced that Sam had decided to give the baby up for adoption. She explained some of the conditions to both of them, what would be required of her, and what some of the adopting parents would expect of her. But she also told them that Sam would have a choice as to which couple she chose. Suzanne had seven excellent couples waiting at the moment locally, one in Florida, and two in New York, all of whom were candidates she felt sure the Steinbergs would approve of. But to Sam, it was all so confusing, and Allegra noticed that her sister looked a little dazed. Emotionally, it was all too much for her. But she had no choice now, no matter how miserable it made her. She seemed resigned to giving the baby up now, and she didn't ask any more questions about what would happen if she kept it.

After she left the attorney's office, she turned the music up in Allegra's car, and she played it so loud she almost deafened them on the way home. But it was as though she didn't want to hear anything anymore. She'd had all she could stand of real life for the moment. She was on independent study now, so she no longer had to go to school. She just had to send in papers, and do her exams in a special room at school. But she had a feeling that eventually everyone would know why she'd dropped out anyway. She'd only told two of her closest friends, and she'd sworn them to secrecy. But neither of them had come to visit her all week, and no one had called, except Jimmy Mazzoleri, a boy she had known since third grade, and used to go out with, but they were just friends now. Jimmy had called a couple of times, but she hadn't returned his calls. She didn't want to talk to anyone. And Sam and Allegra were both surprised to see him standing in the driveway when they got home. He had just come by to see if she was there, and he was about to leave as Allegra pulled in to drop Sam off.

I've been calling you all week, he said plaintively. You have my science book, and they said you weren't coming back, he said, eyeing her cautiously, as Allegra watched them. They were both so young and so innocent. It was heartbreaking that Sam would have to go through so much now. And as Allegra waved and drove away, she realized they reminded her of Alan and her at that age. They seemed to have that kind of comfortable friendship that, in her case, had lasted for sixteen years.

But Sam was looking kind of cool as she answered.

I was going to send the book back to you, she explained, looking embarrassed suddenly, hoping he hadn't heard why she had dropped out of school. He was a nice boy, and she liked him, but she had no intention of telling him she was pregnant.

So what happened?

I didn't get around to it yet, she said, walking slowly back to her house as he joined her.

I don't mean the book. I mean why are you out of school for the rest of the year? She groped for an answer and then thought of a good one.

Family problems, she said; it was perfect. My parents are getting divorced. I got really depressed over it, and I have to take a lot of medication ‘ you know, like Prozac. My mom was afraid I might kill someone at school or something, she thinks I get pretty erratic on that stuff, and ‘ She had gone too far and he was smiling at her. Even he recognized her tale as nonsense.

Knock it off, will you please? You don't have to tell me why. Everyone knew, or had guessed anyway. It was the only reason anyone ever dropped out, except to go to rehab. And Sam had never been a druggie. But he didn't tell her what he suspected, and besides, she didn't look it at all, so maybe they were all wrong. Maybe she had some other kind of problem. He had just wanted to be sure that she didn't have anything really awful, like leukemia. They had all lost a friend sophomore year, and he had panicked when he heard she wasn't coming back. That was how it had started with Maria. Are you okay? That's all I wanted to know, he said gently. He'd been seeing someone for a while, but he'd always had a soft spot for Sam, and she knew it.

I'm fine, she said, but the sadness in her soul came through her eyes and he saw it.

Whatever it is, just hang in there. You still going to UCLA in the fall? They were both going and he was relieved when she nodded.

I'll get your book. Come on in. He followed her inside, and he waited in the kitchen while she went upstairs. They hadn't gutted it yet, and Simon was still begging Blaire not to. Maybe now she wouldn't.

Sam was back downstairs with his book five minutes later, and as she handed it to him, he reached out and took her hand, and she looked up at him and blushed. She felt so vulnerable these days, and she didn't know why. It never occurred to her that it was because she was pregnant.

Hey ‘ if you need anything, just call ‘ okay? ‘ We can go out for a ride ‘ or get something to eat. Things look different when you talk about them sometimes, he said gently, and she nodded. He was almost eighteen and mature for his age. His father had died two years before, and he had been helping his mother raise his three younger sisters. He was unusually responsible, and very caring.

There's nothing to talk about, Sam said, looking at the floor and then up at him. And then she shrugged. It was too hard to say anything else, and he understood. He just touched her shoulder and then left. And she stood at the kitchen window, and watched him go in his old Volvo. His family lived in Beverly Hills, and they were comfortable, and respectable, but they didn't have much money. They were still living on the insurance money and what his father had left them. He had a weekend job and he was getting a scholarship to UCLA. And he wanted to be an attorney like his father. She knew he would, too, someday. Among other things, Jimmy had a lot of determination.

And when he was gone, Sam sat down on a chair in the kitchen and just stared into space. There was so much to think about now, so much to decide. Suzanne Pearlman had told her exactly how the adoption worked, and now she had to pick new parents for her baby. It seemed so simple. To everyone but Samantha.

Chapter 15

Things almost settled down in the next two weeks, as much as they ever did, especially in the present circumstances. Sam had seen her mother's doctor by then, and she was fine. The baby was a good size, and seemed healthy. She was doing independent study work from school, and she was still very quiet and withdrawn, but she'd had two more meetings with Suzanne, and they had narrowed it down to four couples now, and Sam had more decisions to make over the next month or two, when they would narrow it down further. Suzanne was going to give her as much information as possible to work with. And she didn't want to rush her. She wanted Sam to make the right decision.

Allegra was trying to finish as much work as she could so she could get to New York for the weekend with Jeff to meet his mother. She wasn't exactly looking forward to it; they had spoken on the phone, and Mrs. Hamilton had asked a lot of very pointed questions, as though she were interviewing her for a job and she was not a likely candidate. It seemed funny to Allegra, and also a little insulting, but she didn't say anything to Jeff. She was trying to get everything organized for Bram's tour. He was starting in San Francisco on Monday and she wanted to be there, for the opening night at least. They were following a zigzag course around the country for the next several months, with a Fourth of July appearance at the Great Western Forum in Ingleside, near L.A., after which they were flying to Japan, and eventually around the world, and ending in Europe. Allegra had said she'd fly in to see him now and then, if she could. The tour was going to earn him a hundred million dollars by the time it was over, a pretty healthy chunk of cash, as Jeff said jokingly when she mentioned it. She would never have quoted the amount except that it had been all over the papers for months, and Bram had foolishly confirmed it.

But everything seemed to be under control right up till the day before Jeff and Allegra were to leave for New York for the weekend. His crew, their itinerary, the promoters had everything arranged. And then at midnight, the night before she was to fly to New York with Jeff, she got the call. The drummer had committed suicide, either intentionally or accidentally, by an overdose of drugs. Everyone was going crazy. The media were all over it, his girlfriend was being held by the police, and the whole tour was on hold until they could line up another drummer.

She was still on the phone with Bram at two A.M. He had just been to the morgue to identify his lifelong friend, and he was deeply upset. But so were the promoters. They had called Allegra ten minutes before Bram did. The phone rang almost constantly until six A.M., and Jeff was in a state by the time they sat down to breakfast. It was impossible to get any sleep with the phone ringing all night, and he had important meetings that morning.

I'm sorry, she said quietly, pouring him a cup of coffee. She had made a statement for the press about it the night before, and it was already on the front page of the L.A. papers. It was a rough night for everyone.

You should have been a cop, or an ambulance driver or something, he said, looking at her ruefully. You have the right constitution for it. I, on the other hand, do not. I need to get a little sleep every now and then, between phone calls.

I know. I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. Bram's tour is about to go up in smoke. I have to see what I can do for him today. Her mind had been racing since early that morning. Bram knew of several drummers he could break in, but it would take time, and most of them had other commitments.

Don't forget that our plane is at six o'clock, Jeff said pointedly.

I know, she said, feeling jangled. She left for the office half an hour later, and never stopped all day. She actually sat with Bram, and helped him reorganize the tour, and at four o'clock she looked at her watch, and knew that the shit was about to hit the fan. There was no way she could leave Bram. And she had to leave now, if she was going to make the plane. She had told Jeff she would meet him at the airport.

She called him at home, but he had already left, and he didn't believe in car phones, he said they were too California. So there was nothing she could do except page him at the airport. The much-joked-about white courtesy telephone actually came in handy.

She had him paged at five o'clock when they were supposed to check in, and at five-fifteen, he called her at the office. Alice told her he was on the line, and Allegra pounced on it. He didn't sound pleased to hear her.

Where are you? I guess that's a moot point, since I just called you at the office. What's happening?

The promoters are threatening to pull out of the tour on us, they're saying it's breach of contract, and as of this moment, we haven't lined up another drummer. I don't even know how to begin to say this to you, but I can't walk out on him, Jeff. The tour starts on Monday. She had been planning to fly up to San Francisco on Monday, to see him perform at the Oakland Coliseum. But it was out of the question now. They couldn't go anywhere without a drummer.

Isn't it up to his agent to fix this mess?

If he can, but I'm part of it, and they're going to need me to draw up new contracts.

Can't you fax them from New York?

She wanted to say yes, she hated to disappoint him, but this was her responsibility and she couldn't just walk out on it. She had to tell him the truth, no matter how mad he got about disappointing his mother. I really need to be here.

Okay, I understand, he said quietly, but his voice was like ice, and there was a long silence.

What are you going to do now? She was panicking that he would break it all off. What if she lost him? Will you still go? she asked, sounding nervous.

I'm going to introduce you to my mother, Allegra. I already know her, he said coldly.

I'm sorry, she said, agonizing over letting him down, particularly right in the airport. I tried to get you at home, but I missed you. Should I call your mother and explain?

I'll do it. She'll never understand. I'm going to tell her something outlandish like a death in the family, food poisoning, something. She doesn't know about rock tours.

Jeff, I'm so sorry.

I know. You can't help it. How about dinner? Can you manage that? Or are you fasting too?

I'd love it, she said, grateful that he was willing to forgive her, or at least feed her. She thought it was a good sign. He was an incredibly decent person.

It's not your fault, Allegra, I know. It's just a pain in the neck having our plans thrown out the window all the time, for someone else's convenience. Maybe when we get married, you can work on that a little bit. This time it makes sense, even to me, but most of the time, these people just expect you to wipe their asses for them, hold their hands, and make all their decisions for them.

That's why they pay me.

I thought it was for legal services.

That's what they tell you in law school, but like everything else they tell you, it's all a lie. It's for wiping asses. She laughed softly and he smiled at his end.

I love you, you crazy woman. I'll drive back from the airport and pick you up at the office for drinks, and if Morrison can't spare you for a couple of hours, I'm going to punch him in the nose. And you can tell him I said so.

I will. Verbatim.

Everything okay? Bram Morrison asked her when she got back from talking to Jeff. She actually looked relieved. She'd been terrified he would break the engagement over her failure to fly to New York to meet his mother.

Yeah, she said with a smile. I was supposed to go to New York to meet my future mother-in-law this weekend, and I just canceled. Jeff was already at the airport.

I'm really sorry. He was soft-spoken and kind, and one of the hardest-working men she knew. Like most of the musicians she had worked with, he had done drugs in his youth, but unlike many of them, he had been clean for years. He was a family man, and a real genius with music. And he rarely took advantage of her time except when he really needed her, as he did now. But a star of his magnitude often had sudden and very major problems, like the threats to his kids, and now the death of his drummer.

Bram had long, disheveled hair, and a beard, and he wore little wire glasses, and he looked like a wild man as they pored over the new contracts. Someone had just told him about another drummer they might be able to get their hands on, a truly great one. Things were looking hopeful.

Jeff came by at seven o'clock, and she and Bram broke it up for a few hours. He needed to get on the phone and pursue the drummer anyway, and he told her to take the night off. They were to meet again at nine o'clock the next morning.

She and Jeff went to Pan e Vino for something to eat, and she looked harassed and exhausted, and even Jeff looked a little frayed. His mother had been absolutely furious over their cancellation. She had made reservations at Twenty-One for dinner on Saturday, and she was a person who didn't like her plans changed, especially by some girl she had never met from California.

What did she say? Allegra asked nervously, convinced that Mrs. Hamilton would hate her forever.

She told me to cancel this wedding, he said, straight-faced, and she gasped, and then he laughed. She told me that ours is an unreliable generation, that you can't count on anyone, and that she's very sorry if your great-aunt did die, but you could have come for a day anyway, just to meet her. I explained that you were far too upset, and the funeral is Sunday. I don't think she believed a word of it, but there's not much she could say. Show me the body, send me a mass card’? I called the florist in New York right before they closed, and they promised to send her a huge bunch of flowers from both of us in the morning.

I don't deserve you, Allegra said sincerely.

She said that too, but I told her you did. I promised we'd go on Memorial Day weekend, however. That's a big deal to her, because she opens the house in Southampton that weekend. So, come hell or high water, we'll have to go then.

What about your movie?

We won't be working on the holiday weekend. He was starting in three days, which was why they were to have gone this weekend.

But in the end, it worked out for the best. She worked with Bram Morrison all three days, and by Sunday night everything was reorganized and rearranged, and the promoters were satisfied. As usual, Allegra had done a good job, and Bram was pleased. Mission accomplished.

And on Sunday night, Jeff amazed her with a small black suede box that he'd been planning to give her in New York, but they weren't going back there now for another month and he didn't want to wait any longer.

She opened it cautiously, over the dinner they had made. There had been a gorgeous sunset on the beach, and it was their last night of freedom before he started to shoot his movie. Her hands were shaking as she unwrapped the box. It was impossible not to guess what was in it. But when she actually saw it, she gasped. It was a beautiful antique ring, with an emerald as its center stone, surrounded by diamonds.

Oh, Jeff, it's so beautiful. There were tears in her eyes when she saw it. It wasn't just an ordinary engagement ring, it had a personality of its own, and a beautiful design. She hadn't even minded not having an engagement ring at all. They had never even talked about it.

I was going to take you shopping with me, but then I saw this, and it looks just like one my grandmother had. I got this one at David Webb, but if you don't like it, we'll take it back, and get something you do like. He was smiling at her, and she kissed him.

I love it. ‘ I don't deserve this. I love you so much.

Do you like it?

I really do. It was perfect, and he slipped it on her finger. It was the right fit too, and she was beaming. She couldn't take her eyes off it, and it looked impressive on her hand, but because it was an old design, despite its size it didn't seem flashy. It was very distinguished.

They sat and talked for hours that night, about their families, their lives, their plans, and the upcoming wedding. The time seemed to be flying past them. It was already the first of May, and the wedding was only four months away now. Allegra still had a thousand things to do, and her mother kept calling her and nagging her about them. She wanted her to hire a wedding consultant to take care of the details, and Allegra thought that was ridiculous, but the fact was that neither she nor her mother had time to organize a wedding. Her mother was busier than ever with the show, and Allegra never seemed to get a moment's breather from her clients.

They went to bed early that night. Jeff wanted to be at the studio at four A.M., to see that everyone arrived, and make sure that every last detail had been taken care of. She reminded him that Tony and the director would be there too, and the responsibility was not all on his shoulders, but it was his book, and his first movie, and he wanted to be there in case there were any problems.

Who's being compulsive now? she teased, flashing her ring at him. She couldn't stop staring at it. And she didn't even take it off when they went to bed, incredibly early, since he had to be up by two-thirty.

They were asleep by ten o'clock, and Allegra was completely confused when the phone rang at midnight. She had been deep in sleep by then, and it took her a moment to realize that someone was speaking to her in a foreign language.

Mademoiselle Steinberg, on vous appelle de la Suisse, de la part de Madame Alain Carr. She had no idea what they were saying, except that she recognized Alan's name at the end of it. She wondered if he was calling collect or something.

I accept! she shouted into the phone, and Jeff woke up with a start, and then lay back in bed beside her. Hello! Hello! They were losing the connection. Finally, they came back on the line. There was a lot of static, and then, suddenly, she heard Carmen's voice, not Alan's.

Carmen? What is it? What's going on? They were nine hours ahead, so for her it was nine o'clock in the morning. But she figured that something must really be wrong for Carmen to call her at midnight. For an instant, there was a tingle down Allegra's spine, wondering if Alan had had an accident while making his movie. And all she could hear at the other end now was Carmen crying. Come on, dammit. Allegra was losing her patience with her. They had scared her half to death waking her up and now she wanted to know the story. Jeff was wide awake too, he had turned on the light and was listening. Carmen, what happened?

There was a long, thin wail at the other end of the phone. I'm in the hospital’ .

Oh, no. Why?

I lost the baby. She burst into tears again, and it was half an hour later before Allegra could calm her down. By then she had moved into the other room so Jeff could go back to sleep, but he was wide awake and couldn't.

Apparently, she hadn't had a fall, nothing dramatic had happened, she had just had a miscarriage. But she'd been on the set with Alan, and she had hemorrhaged pretty badly. They had had to call an ambulance, and she said Alan was terribly upset too. And then Carmen said she didn't want to come home without him, which struck fear in Allegra's heart. They both had contracts.

Now listen, Carmen, Allegra said, trying to stay calm, I know this is terrible. But you'll get pregnant again. And Alan has to finish that movie. If you talk him into coming home with you, they'll never hire him again. So don't you forget that, and you have to be home on the fifteenth for rehearsals.

I know, but I'm so miserable. And I don't want to leave him. She cried until one A.M., and Allegra finally got her off the phone, thinking of the ironies of life. Here, she wanted her baby so desperately, and lost it. And Sam's was ruining her life, and hanging in there. Maybe she should have given it to Carmen, she thought, being somewhat flip, as she went back to bed, and saw that Jeff was still awake, and he did not look happy.

Carmen lost her baby, she said apologetically, slipping into bed beside him.

I figured out that much, but I'm about to lose my mind. I cannot live in this emergency room atmosphere of midnight phone calls every night, suicides, drug busts, miscarriages, overdoses, divorces, concert tours for chrissake, Allie, what are you? An attorney or a psychiatric attendant?

That's a good question. Look, I know, I'm sorry. She probably miscalculated the time difference.

Bullshit. She doesn't care. They all do it. They call you at any hour of the day or night. I need my sleep. I have a movie to make. I have a job too, Allegra. You have to tell your clients to stop calling.

I know, I know’ . I'm sorry. ‘ I swear it won't happen anymore.

You're a liar, he said, pulling her close to him again and feeling her naked body against his just the way he liked it. You're going to make me an old man if you don't knock this stuff off.

I'll tell them. I promise. But they both knew she'd never do it. It was just the way she was, there for them all the time, whatever their problems.

And two hours later, he left for work, sleepy, and more than a little grouchy. She made him coffee before he left, and went back to bed and called Carmen at the number she'd given her. Alan answered the phone then. He was on a break, and obviously very upset about Carmen and the baby.

I'm sorry, kid, she told him, and he thanked her, and then he walked the phone into the bathroom and told Allegra that Carmen was in terrible shape. She was deeply depressed about the baby.

You have to take care of her when she comes home, he pleaded with Allegra.

I will. I swear. But you stay where you are, and finish your movie.

I know, he said, sounding harassed. I told her all that, but she wants me to go with her.

I'll kill you if you do that. You can't.

I know that. Just promise me you'll take care of her when she gets back there day after tomorrow.

I will. Don't worry about a thing, Allegra reassured him, and hung up, thinking about how complicated life was sometimes for all of them. Carmen, Alan, Bram, Jeff, herself. None of them had chosen easy careers. And yet, for different reasons, each of them liked what they were doing. She was particularly aware of that late that night, as she sat, freezing, backstage at the Oakland Coliseum. Bram had sent his own plane for her, and she'd gone up to see him open. The huge arena was entirely sold out, and the crowd went wild when they saw Bram, and they cheered endlessly when he introduced the new drummer. They did a memorial song, and had a moment of silence for the man who had died. And at the end of the show, twenty thousand fans gave them a standing ovation. Allegra had never seen anything like it, not even at one of Bram's other concerts. And the security had their hands full peeling fans off him. In the end, they played seven encores, and Bram was soaked with sweat when he finally came offstage and hugged Allegra.

You were incredible! she shouted in the din, and he grinned and nodded his thanks as he put an arm around his wife and kissed her. The crowd was still shouting for him and refusing to leave the arena.

Thanks for saving us, Bram shouted back at her, and she smiled. They had all saved his concert tour together. This was what she got paid for.

There was a party afterward for him, but Allegra had to get back to L.A. She walked into the house in Malibu at 3 A.M., just in time to make Jeff coffee. She handed it to him just as his alarm clock went off, and he looked up at her sleepily and smiled.

Great wake-up service. How was it?

Fantastic. She leaned over and kissed him. He's never been better. He was really ready for this tour. I'm glad he pulled it off, she said, as she lay down on the bed next to Jeff, beyond exhausted.

I'll bet he's glad too. Jeff smiled at her, admiring how beautiful she was, even when she was tired.

How'd it go yesterday? she asked, battling a yawn, inquiring about his movie.

Scary, but fun, Jeff admitted. It feels incredible being out there, making my first movie. Thank God, Tony knows what he's doing. I sure as hell don't. He grinned. Tony had been doing this for ten years, since grad school, and had won four awards for short features, and considerable acclaim for two long ones. Come out and see us if you can take a minute or two off. Though God only knows when you'll do that. He hadn't even seen her in the last twenty-four hours, and she only had time for a short nap before she had to pick Carmen up at the airport.

But even Allegra wasn't prepared for the state Carmen was in when Allegra saw her at the airport. She was completely depressed over losing the baby. She was sure she'd never get pregnant again, and she was practically suicidal without Alan. It took every ounce of Allegra's concentration and energy to get her home and convince her that she had to go to rehearsals. For the next week, all Allegra seemed to do was baby-sit Carmen. She hardly even had time to visit Jeff on the set, although she managed it for a few minutes at least daily. And the movie seemed to be going well. Better than Carmen's rehearsals later that week. But at least by then, Bram Morrison was on the road with his concert tour, and so far it was a huge success, and so was the new drummer. Allegra was beginning to feel as though she were carrying all of them around. And Jeff was constantly on edge during the first week of his movie. She visited him on the set several times, and it seemed to be going well, but she hardly had any time to stick around and watch it. On the first weekend after shooting began, Jeff had to rework parts of the script, because two of the actors were uncomfortable with the dialogue. He met with Tony night and day. And Allegra hardly saw him.

Fortunately, Jeff had had to put off visiting his mother himself this time, and the best they could do was promise to go back East shortly. Now Mrs. Hamilton had to take a backseat to his movie, which did not please her.

And by the time Carmen started shooting on the first of June, Allegra was so busy and overwrought, she felt as though she was going to have a nervous breakdown. Carmen was calling her every five minutes to complain about something, the rest of the time she cried, and she swore she'd never work again without Alan in the film with her. She was being completely unreasonable. Allegra lost five pounds in the first week of Carmen's movie. She was getting messages from Bram on tour too, and whenever the group ran into problems somewhere it was up to Allegra to solve them. She felt as though she never saw Jeff anymore. They were never in the house at the same time, unless one of them was sleeping.

Sam was seven months' pregnant by then, but she seemed in slightly better spirits than she had been. And she was working closely with Suzanne Pearlman. And whenever Allegra dropped by to see Sam these days, she noticed that Jimmy Mazzoleri was there too, just hanging around or helping her do homework. She had finally admitted to him that she was pregnant, and he had been surprisingly supportive about it. They didn't have a romance going, but he seemed to be very devoted to Sam. She was wearing maternity clothes now, and the baby had suddenly popped out. And sometimes Jimmy thought it was funny to put his hand on her stomach and feel it kick, but most of the time he just took her for rides to the beach, or to get something to eat, or he helped her do homework. He felt really sorry for her, and he thought she didn't deserve the bad luck that she'd had getting pregnant. She talked to him sometimes about the people who were considering adopting it. She was leaning heavily toward a couple in Santa Barbara. They were in their late thirties and they said they loved kids. And the wife reminded Sam a little of Allegra. She was also an attorney. And he was a doctor. Their qualifications were excellent, and they seemed to have a fair amount of money. Sam didn't want her baby having to struggle, or doing without anything, or not getting a good education. In fact, they said they wanted to adopt more children after they adopted this one. Their names were Katherine and John Whitman.

And in the midst of everything else, Blaire kept reminding Allegra to do something about the wedding. Allegra had ordered the invitations at Carrier, and she had tried on wedding dresses at Saks, I. Magnin, and Neiman's, and none of them had struck her fancy. But the greatest shock of all came when her mother told her she had hired Delilah Williams.

Who in God's name is that? Allegra smiled at the name, wondering what her mother was up to.

She came highly recommended. She's a wedding consultant, and she's going to do everything for us, for the wedding. I told her to call you at the office.

I can't believe this, Allegra said to Jeff that night, with a look of amusement. But she was in no way prepared for the woman who came to see her in her office three days later. She came armed with albums and photographs, lists and files, and she never seemed to stop talking. She stood well over six feet tall, and when Allegra tried to describe her to Jeff, all she could say was that she looked like a transvestite. She had been wearing a lavender dress with a matching hat, amethysts everywhere, she had dyed blond hair, and her arms were so long that she looked like a large bird ready to take flight off the couch in Allegra's office. Her own office was somewhere in the valley.

Now, let's reiterate, dear, she said, patting Allegra's hand as Allegra stared at her in total disbelief. She couldn't even begin to imagine her mother hiring this woman. She must have been desperate. You have to pick your bridesmaids, finalize the dress for them and for yourself, of course ‘ shoes don't forget shoes ‘ We have to talk about the cake ‘ the flowers ‘ I told your mother we're going to need a tent in the garden ‘ menu ‘ the band we can't forget the band ‘ photography ‘ video ‘ long veil or short ‘ She went on ad infinitum while Allegra listened in total horror. The words Las Vegas kept ringing in her head, and she couldn't imagine why she and Jeff had decided on a wedding at home with everyone imaginable in attendance.

We'll meet here again one week from today, Delilah told her, rising from the couch with her giraffelike legs at odd angles, as Allegra tried not to stare at her. And I want you to promise me you'll do your homework.

Absolutely, Allegra said solemnly, accepting the album and the books and the checklists. There was even a video to select her cake from.

You're a dear, now off to go shopping. You have lots of work to do. She waved and was gone like a comic figure in a New York play, and Allegra just stood there, staring. Two minutes later, she walked to her office phone, and dialed her mother. She was in a meeting, as usual, but for once, Allegra told them to get her.

Allegra? What's wrong?

Are you kidding? Allegra said, sitting down at her desk. She looked shell-shocked.

About what, dear?

That woman. I can't believe you'd do this to me.

You mean Delilah? Everyone who's ever had her says she's fabulous. I think we'll be glad to have her.

You must be kidding. I can't do this, Mother. But at least Allegra was grinning at the absurdity of it all. The wedding was becoming more ridiculous every day. Maybe she and Jeff should just live together.

Darling, be patient. She'll help you. You'll like her. Her mother had obviously lost her marbles.

I've never in my whole life seen anything like her. And all of a sudden, Allegra couldn't stop laughing. She laughed until tears ran down her face, and Blaire started to laugh too. I can't believe you hired her. Allegra said through convulsive giggles.

She's very efficient, don't you think?

Just wait till Daddy sees her. And Mom she really had to laugh at the whole thing I just want you to know I love you.

I love you too. And it's going to be a beautiful wedding. That seemed so insignificant now, in the midst of everything else. All she really cared about was Jeff, not the wedding. And now they had Sam to think about, and her baby. What kind of wedding cake they had, or what color dresses for the bridesmaids, not to mention shoes, as Delilah had said, seemed totally unimportant.

And while she was still laughing over it, the phone on her desk rang again and she picked it up. It was Jeff. Good news, was the first thing he said.

I've had a totally insane morning and I think I can use some. She was smiling when she answered.

I'm free this weekend, Tony says he can hold the fort without me, and I just told my mother we'd fly out to see her. We can fly into Kennedy and go straight to Southampton. Allegra's heart stopped for the briefest of minutes. She had thought she was off the hook indefinitely. He seemed so busy with his movie. She was really pleased. We've been promising for so long, I don't think she even believed me. You can get away, can't you? He had noticed her silence; she was trying to adjust again to the idea of having to meet his mother. She wasn't sure why, but she still had the feeling that Mrs. Hamilton didn't like her.

For once, I don't see a single obstacle, she said, feeling somewhat disappointed. But no one was in crisis. Not even Carmen.

Don't say that too loud. We're leaving on Friday, he said solemnly. He wanted to introduce her to his mother.

I'll be there, she said, praying silently that this time nothing would happen to stop them, or his mother would never forgive her. She knew from Jeff how angry his mother had been the last time they canceled. But all Allegra could do was pray that nothing would happen, and steel herself to go with him. If nothing else, it was a weekend away together, and they both needed that desperately. The only problem was that Allegra suspected, long before they left, that nothing about their weekend would be relaxing. All she could think of was the face in the photograph he had shown her in the New York apartment, and the memory of it still scared her.

Chapter 16

Allegra felt like she was walking on eggs all week before they went to meet his mother. She knew that Jeff would be furious if she couldn't make it. But by Thursday, nothing untoward had happened, and she heaved a sigh on Thursday night when they packed, and decided she had been apprehensive for nothing. No crisis had occurred to interfere with the trip, and she realized that she was foolish to be so nervous about meeting his mother. That was also what Jeff said. He told her constantly that his mother was going to love her.

They were both tired, after long weeks of pressure, but everything seemed to be going well for both of them, and all of Allegra's clients. Even Carmen had been a little better for the past few days. Her mind was at least occupied now that she'd started shooting the film. She was still terribly lonely without Alan, but she talked to him constantly, mostly on the cellular phone she carried around in the pocket of her dressing gown. She seemed to call him at all hours of the day and night. Even more than she called Allegra. Allegra had finally asked her to at least try not to call her too much at night. And Carmen had promised. Most of the time she called Alan instead now.

I can't believe we're actually going, Jeff said, as he set both their bags down in the front hall that night. They both had meetings in the morning, and they were leaving right after that. Southampton is great this time of year, he told her, but Southampton wasn't what she was worried about. It was meeting his mother that was still making her edgy, despite his reassurances.

She did her hair and her nails, and she planned to wear a navy linen Givenchy suit for the plane trip. She wanted to look respectable when she met her. She was even planning to tie back her hair. And when they went to bed that night, Jeff smiled at her, and talked about how much he had loved the Hamptons in the summer as a kid, and Vermont where they used to go when his grandmother was alive. They fell asleep like two children whispering at a slumber party, and Allegra thought she was dreaming when she heard bells. Something was ringing in the distance, and she had no idea what it was. Maybe church bells in Vermont, she mused as she half listened through the mists of her dreams, and then, suddenly, with a start, she realized it was the phone. She leapt out of bed, as she always did, so Jeff wouldn't hear it, but as usual, he was already awake before she was. And as she picked up the phone, she saw on the clock at her bedside that it was four-thirty in the morning.

If it's Carmen, tell her I'm going to kill her, Jeff said as he rolled over. There's absolutely no way to get any sleep in this house, as long as you're here. He was not amused, and Allegra spoke into the phone quietly, sure, as Jeff was, that Carmen would be on the other end.

Hello? Who is this? Allegra said, furious for the intrusion at that hour, and terrified it would be something that would keep them from leaving for New York.

It's Malachi O'Donovan, darlin', he said with a brogue and a belch. He was roaring drunk.

Don't call me at this hour, Mai. It's four-thirty in the morning.

Well, top of the mornin' to you, m'dear. And wouldn't you know that I'm in jail. They said they'd let me call my lawyer. So here I am, and now you be a good girl and come bail me out of jail.

Oh, for heaven's sake. Another DUI? He collected Driving Under the Influence charges the way other people did tickets, and she kept warning him that one of these days he'd have to stay in jail. And lose his license. But so far, he had pulled every string he could, and he had been extremely lucky. His frequent stays in rehabs made them overlook his record, but Allegra was sure that this time his license would be pulled. This is really bullshit, she said.

I know, I know. I'm sorry. He sounded contrite, but he also expected her to come and bail him out. After all, she was his lawyer.

Is there anyone else who can come and get you, Mai? I'm in Malibu, and it's the middle of the night. Jeff was right. If she hadn't answered the phone at that hour, he would have just had to wait until the next morning for her to call. But she had answered, and now he expected her to come and get him. It was difficult getting out of it, and he was insistent that he wanted her to come down immediately to bail him out.

All right, she finally said. Where are you? He was in Beverly Hills. He'd been driving on the wrong side of the street down Beverly, and they busted him with an open fifth of Jack Daniel's between his legs, and a bag of grass in the glove compartment of the car. He was just lucky they hadn't found more, but they hadn't looked that hard either. The officers who had arrested him knew who he was. I'll be there in half an hour. She put down the phone, and looked at Jeff's still form. He looked as though he was asleep again, but she could sense that he wasn't. And as she started tiptoeing out of the room, she discovered that she was right.

If you don't make that plane today, Allegra, there won't be a wedding, he said calmly from under the covers, and she stopped to look at him with a worried expression.

Don't threaten me, Jeff. I'm doing the best I can. I'll be there.

Just see that you are. He didn't say another word then and she went to put on jeans and a white shirt. And as she drove down the Pacific Coast Highway, she was furious with all of them. Malachi O'Donovan, who thought he could do anything he wanted, and then expect her to bail him out. And Carmen, who used her as a crying towel day and night, and Alan, who kept calling her and asking her to take care of his wife, and even Jeff, who got so annoyed at all of it sometimes, as if he didn't have his moments too, between getting up at three A.M. SO he could be at the set before anyone else, or having to rewrite his screenplay night after night. Everyone expected her to be understanding, and to do just what they wanted. It was beginning to drive her crazy, and for some reason she was maddest of all at Jeff. Of course she would be on the plane ‘ she hoped ‘ unless Malachi had really pulled a major stunt. And even now, she'd have to deal with the tabloids. God, she was getting tired of that too. They all expected her to get them out of their jams, as though she had been born to solve their problems.

She slammed her car door when she got to the Beverly Hills police station, and when she went inside, she saw an officer she knew. She told him why she was there, and he nodded. He went inside to check, and a few minutes later he came out with Mai. She had to post bond for him, which was no problem, and this time he had to leave his driver's license with them. They gave him a court date, at which he had to appear, and Allegra was relieved to see it wasn't for another month, and then, with a stern expression, she drove him home. He reeked of booze, and he kept trying to kiss her to thank her for getting him out of jail, but she told him firmly to behave. His wife was asleep when they got to his house, and Allegra wondered why he hadn't called her. But as soon as his wife started shrieking at him when she heard what had happened, Allegra understood why he had called her instead.

Rainbow O'Donovan almost threw him into their bedroom, and she screamed at him so loudly, she must have woken up the neighbors. A few minutes later Allegra was on her way, and she was back at her own house again by seven. Jeff was in the shower, there was coffee on the stove, and she poured herself a cup, and sat down on their bed. She was absolutely exhausted, but she had a lot of nights like that one. That's what Jeff was complaining about, and she knew he wasn't wrong. But there wasn't much she could do about it either, and she needed him to understand.

He was drying his hair when he came out of the shower, and he was startled when he saw her. He hadn't heard her come in and it was easy to see how tired she was as she sat there.

How did it go?

Great. They took his license away, she said with a soft moan as she lay down on the bed, and he came over and sat next to her.

I'm sorry I got mad last night. I just get so tired of people pulling at you sometimes. It's as though they want to eat you up. It's not fair.

It's not fair to you either. I'm going to have to establish better boundaries. I realized when I took him home that he could have called his wife. I think he was afraid to.

Make them afraid of you, Jeff said, and leaned over and kissed her. He had to be at the studio within the hour, and then they were leaving on a two o'clock flight. You'll be okay? he asked as he left.

I'll be fine, she reassured him.

I'll pick you up at noon.

I'll be ready, she promised.

She got to her office at nine o'clock, with their bags in the car, and Alice had a stack of messages and paperwork for her. She got through all of it, and was just putting her files away, when Alice came into her office holding the latest copy of Chatter.

Please don't tell me I'm going to care about what that says, Allegra said, almost cringing. If it was going to upset one of their clients, maybe she'd never get out of town after all.

Alice set it down gingerly on her desk as though it might burn her, and Allegra could see why. The photographs were awful and the headline wasn't pretty. Carmen was going to go wild when she saw it.

Oh, shit, Allegra said, looking up at her secretary. I'd better call her. She had the phone in her hand when the operator buzzed her. Miss Connors was on the line. The operator didn't say she was hysterical. But Allegra knew it the minute she heard her. I just saw it, she said calmly. I want to sue them.

I don't think that's smart. But she could understand how she felt, and she knew Alan would be livid too. The paper said that Carmen Connors, Alan Carr's new wife, had gone to Europe for an abortion. And there were some grim photographs of her leaving the hospital. She looked as though she were sneaking out, but she was actually doubled over.

They're slandering me. How can they say that? She was sobbing and Allegra didn't know what to say, but suing the tabloids would only make it worse. They were the vermin of the earth, but they had good lawyers who told them how to protect themselves and they never failed to. Why do they do this to me? she wailed, and Allegra felt helpless. There was nothing she could do to change it.

To sell papers. You know that. Throw it away and forget it.

What if my grandmother sees this?

She'll understand. Nobody believes that garbage.

She does. Carmen laughed through her tears. She thinks eighty-seven-year-old women give birth to quintuplets.

Well, tell her they're a bunch of liars. I'm sorry, Carmen. I really am, Allegra said, and she meant it. She could just imagine how it felt dealing with the lies all the time. It was so painful.

The local paper had the story of Malachi O'Donovan's arrest that day too. It was a high-profile day for some of her clients.

You'd better warn Alan before someone else tells him, Allegra suggested. They even read some of that garbage in Europe. But as soon as she hung up, Alan was on the phone from Switzerland. His press agent had called and read it to him.

I want to sue the bastards, he raged. The poor kid almost bled to death in the ambulance, and she hasn't stopped crying in six weeks, and they're claiming she had an abortion. I want to kill them. Has she seen it yet?

We just hung up, Allegra said, feeling as tired as she looked. She'd had four hours sleep the night before, and a very long morning. She wants to sue them too. I'll tell you what I told her. It's not worth it. You'll just sell their paper for them. Fuck em. It was rare for her to say that, but in the case of the tabloids, they deserved it. Just forget about them, don't waste your money on lawyers.

Some are worth more than others, he said, calming down a little bit. Allegra was always so sensible. That was why he called her. How are you, by the way?

God knows. It's been pretty wild here. And I'm flying to New York in two hours, to meet my future mother-in-law in Southampton.

Good luck. Tell her what a lucky old broad she is to have you. Allegra laughed at the image.

When will you be home, by the way?

Not till August. But it's going great, he said, and then he sounded worried again. How's Carmen? She still sounds terrible a lot of the time. I keep telling her there will be more, but she doesn't believe me.

I know. I tell her the same thing. She's hanging in. I think the movie is keeping her busy at least. But she misses you something awful. It took all of Allegra's powers of persuasion to keep her from running off to Switzerland, and the tabloid story certainly wasn't going to help, but Allegra was sorry she wasn't going to be there over the weekend to talk sense into her and distract her.

I miss her too, Alan said sadly.

How's the picture going? Allegra asked with interest.

Great. They're letting me do a lot of my own stunt work.

Don't tell your wife, or she'll be there on the next plane.

They both laughed and he said he'd see her in two months when he got back, but she knew she'd talk to him long before that. As soon as they hung up, Jeff walked into her office.

Ready to go? he asked, looking as though he was in a hurry. But she was all set. And this time, nothing would stop her.

All set. She stood up and he caught a glimpse of the paper on her desk, and the headline.

That's pretty, he said, glancing over it and shaking his head. There was nothing those people wouldn't stoop to. They had interviewed two nurses, who had probably been paid a pretty penny to sell Carmen's secrets and distort them. Have they seen it yet?

I just spoke to both of them. They wanted to sue and I told them not to. It just sells papers.

Poor things. I sure would hate to live like that.

There are other compensations, Allegra said knowingly, but she wondered if they were enough. It was a high price to pay for glory.

They both left their cars in her office garage and took a cab to the airport, and Jeff couldn't believe that this time nothing had happened to stop them. Neither of them had an emergency, a problem, a meeting. They didn't have to cancel again; his mother wouldn't be furious with him.

They actually managed to get on the plane on schedule, and take their seats without a problem. It was amazing.

Jeff looked at her with a grin, as the plane took to the air with the resounding sound of the jets just above them. I can't believe it. Can you? They had agreed to fly first class, and they sat back in their seats with a victorious look, as they held hands and ordered champagne and orange juice. We did it! he said, and kissed her. My mother will be so pleased. Allegra was just happy to be with him, and to be going away with him. They still hadn't decided where to go for their honeymoon. They were taking three weeks, and they were talking about Europe. Italy in the fall was glorious, particularly Venice. And after that Paris, and maybe London, to see friends. But Jeff also liked the idea of a beach somewhere, like maybe the Bahamas, or Bora Bora like Carmen and Alan. But Allegra didn't want anything that remote. It was a lively conversation for close to an hour, and a real luxury to even be thinking about it. And then they talked about the wedding. He was thinking about Alan as his best man, and her brother and Tony Jacobson, and the director of his movie, as ushers. And Allegra was having the same problem. She wanted Sam as her maid of honor, and Carmen as a bridesmaid, and she felt as though she should have had more friends stand up for her than that. She had always thought about having her college roommate from Yale, Nancy Towers, if she ever got married, but she hadn't seen her in five years, and Nancy lived in London.

Maybe she'd come, Jeff said conversationally, at least ask her.

And there was another old friend of Allegra's from school, Jessica Farnsworth, who had moved East years before. They never saw each other anymore, but as kids they had been like sisters. She decided to ask both of them after talking to Jeff, and they completed the wedding party. They were going to invite the Weissmans of course, and a lot of people they liked and worked with. Allegra thought Jeff should invite some of his friends from the East, but he doubted that they would come. They were either too poor or working too hard, but he agreed to invite them.

It was an easy flight, and eventually, they both read. He was still jotting down notes on the script, and she had brought an assortment of papers with her in a briefcase. She had brought a new novel too, and Jeff approved of the selection. But before she read the first page, she was fast asleep, with her head on Jeff's shoulder, and he looked down at her tenderly and covered her with a blanket.

I love you, he whispered as he kissed her.

Me too, she whispered back, and then drifted off to sleep again until they landed. He had to shake her awake, she was so dead to the world, and she didn't remember where she was at first. She had been completely out, after her exhausting night getting Malachi out of jail, and then dashing to the office.

You work too hard, Jeff informed her, as they disembarked and walked to the carousel to claim their luggage. He had arranged for a limousine to meet them at the airport and take them to Southampton. He wanted the trip to be as pleasant as possible for Allegra so it would be one of the first happy memories they shared of their marriage. There was champagne in an ice bucket waiting in the limousine for them, and it was one of those absurd stretch models that go on forever.

I didn't know they had those in the East. She laughed when she saw it. I thought the only people who hired those were rock stars. In spite of his normally unassuming ways, she always teased Bram Morrison because he loved them, the longer the better. He'd even had one with a double bed in it once. That had been quite something.

Drug dealers rent them here, Jeff explained with a grin, and then commented that they had met in the East five months before, and now here they were, back again, and soon to be married. Their wedding was only two and a half months away. They could hardly believe it.

The ride to Southampton took two hours from Kennedy, and it was a hot June night, but the car was air-conditioned and they were comfortable. Jeff took his jacket off and his tie, and he rolled up the sleeves of his well-starched blue shirt. He always looked immaculate and perfectly pressed and put together, even after a plane ride. The only time he didn't look like that was in his famous sweatshirts and blue jeans in Malibu, but even then he looked intentionally casual, and she teased him because his jeans were always perfectly pressed. It was one of his few obsessions.

I look a total mess compared to you. Allegra looked nervous as she brushed her hair and tied it back again. But the navy linen suit had suffered badly on the airplane, particularly while she slept on his shoulder. I should have taken off the skirt, she commented with a grin.

That would have been a hit, he said, and poured her a glass of champagne and then kissed her.

That's perfect. I'm going to get drunk before I meet your mother. That'll make a big impression on her.

Stop worrying. She's going to love you, he said confidently, beaming at his future bride, as she flashed the much-beloved engagement ring at him. And they kissed long and hard as the car made a right turn off the expressway.

It was another half hour to the house, and it was nearly midnight when they rounded the last bend in the road, and she saw a stately old house, with a porch all around it. Even in the dark, she could see antique wicker furniture set in little groups, and there were lovely trees that shaded the house in the daytime. There was a white picket fence that surrounded the property, and the driver drove them right up to the door and then helped them with their bags. Because of the late hour, they all attempted to be quiet. Jeff suspected his mother wouldn't have waited up for them. With the time difference, it was impossible to have gotten there any earlier and still have been able to put in a half day at the office.

He knew where the key was hidden. He paid the driver and gave him a handsome tip, and then let Allegra and himself into the house carefully. There was a note from his mother in the front hall, on a handsome antique English table. The note welcomed them both, and told Jeff he had his own room, and asked that Allegra take the large guest room on the ocean. The message was clear and Jeff smiled at her apologetically.

I hope you don't mind, he whispered. My mother is very proper. We can leave your bags in there, and you can sleep with me. Or I can sleep with you, as long as we make it back to our own rooms by morning. She was amused by the proprieties, but perfectly willing to follow the directions.

Just like college, she grinned, and he pretended to look shocked.

Is that what you did in college? I had no idea, he said, carrying her bags up the stairs, as she tiptoed behind him. It was kind of fun, being in his house, whispering and trying to find their bedrooms. It was suddenly like an adventure, and she giggled as he walked her past his mother's bedroom. It was a huge, airy room with blue-and-white chintz and a four-poster with heavy curtains. But they couldn't see it that night, the door was firmly closed. In fact, it surprised Allegra that his mother hadn't waited up for them, after they'd come all this way to see her. It was only midnight, and her own mother certainly would have. But she knew Jeff's mother was much older. She was seventy-one, and according to Jeff she always went to bed early.

Jeff led her to the guest room his mother had described, overlooking the Atlantic Ocean, and she could hear the waves lapping against the sand. And on a table next to the bed there was a pitcher of ice water, and a plate of small, thin buttery cookies. Jeff offered her one and she took it, and was surprised at how delicious it was. It melted in her mouth and she loved it.

Does your mom make these? she asked, impressed, and he laughed and shook his head.

The cook does.

The room where they were standing was upholstered in a flowery pink fabric, and there were lace curtains on the window, and it had a big white wrought-iron bed, and hooked rugs on the floor. It looked very New England.

Where's your room? Allegra whispered, eating another cookie. She was suddenly starving.

Down the hall, he pointed, still whispering so his mother didn't hear them. She was a light sleeper. And it reminded him of the summers of his youth, when he'd sneak friends into his house at night and they'd sneak a beer or two. His father was always willing to let them get away with it, and his mother always called him on it the next morning.

Jeff led Allegra down the hall to his own room. There was a dark green bedspread and matching curtains, and a narrow bed with a handsome antique headboard. And on the dressers and desk were mostly pictures of his father. There were several maritime paintings that his father had collected over the years. It was a totally masculine room, and in some ways reminiscent of the Malibu house in that it had a feel of New England and of the ocean, but this was far more austere than the house where she stayed with him. And in spite of the pretty fabrics, and antique furniture, there was something cold about it, like the photographs she'd seen of his mother in the New York apartment.

He went back to her room after he'd left his bags in his own, and he gently closed her door and put a finger to his lips. He had closed his own bedroom door before leaving it, and he didn't want his mother to hear them talking at this end of the house. Allegra understood that. They walked on tiptoe, and never spoke above a whisper, and she looked out the window and wished they could go out on the beach. It looked so pretty in the moonlight.

I love swimming at night here, he whispered almost inaudibly. Maybe tomorrow. He didn't want his mother to hear them tonight and they were too tired anyway.

He sat on the bed with her, and they kissed, and after a little while, she brushed her teeth and washed her face, and put on her nightgown. She had brought a frilly one with a dressing gown that looked respectable in case his mother saw her in it. She hadn't been sure what to bring. She'd brought white pants and a brightly colored silk shirt for Saturday, a black linen dress for Saturday night, and a white one just in case something happened to the black one, a bathing suit, shorts and T-shirts, and a seersucker pantsuit for the flight home that looked very Eastern preppie. It all seemed pretty safe. She hadn't known what his mother would be like. She always imagined mothers to be like her own, but not this one. The photographs she had seen of her told their own tale, and she wouldn't have said it to Jeff, but Mrs. Hamilton truly scared her.

He slipped into bed with her, and the sheets were a little damp, as they always were at any beach, and they were of the finest quality and had little white flowers embroidered on them. But Jeff was just happy being there with her. He was afraid to make love to her in the quiet house for fear they would make too much noise, and he just held her until they both fell asleep in the balmy sea air. They slept like children. The only problem was that they didn't wake till morning. He had told himself to wake up with the dawn, but his internal clock must have been set on California time, because he awoke at nine-thirty, and she was still sound asleep and purring. And there was no way to get back to his room without risking that he'd run into his mother.

He peeked into the hall before he went, and then, feeling like a naughty child, he made a dash down the hall, and disappeared into his own room. But he had a feeling he'd made enough noise doing it to let the entire house know that he was escaping from the guest bedroom. And as though to prove it, his mother appeared in the doorway of his room seconds later. He had just put on his dressing gown, and was about to unzip his suitcase.

Did you sleep well, dear? she asked, and he jumped a foot, and then turned to see his mother in a flowered blue dress and a sun hat, and for a woman of her years, she looked very handsome. She had been beautiful once, but not in a very long time, and there was nothing warm in her eyes, even when she saw him. She always kept her distance.

Hi, Mother, he said, and went to hug her. He had all his father's warmth and winning, easy ways. Jeff had always been so much like him. She was far more Yankee. Sorry we got in so late last night. With the time difference, it's hard to do much better than that, and we both had to work in the morning.

It's no problem. I didn't hear you come in. She smiled at him, and then glanced at his bed, still perfectly made from the night before. He had forgotten to open it and rumple the sheets and she noticed. Thank you for making the bed, dear. You're the perfect houseguest.

Thank you, Mother, he said politely, knowing full well he had been busted by his mother.

Where's your fianc+¬e? He was about to say that she'd been sleeping a minute ago, when he left her, but he caught himself. In some ways, it was difficult coming back here. He hadn't stayed with her in a while, and he forgot sometimes how rigid she was. He'd been more used to it when he was younger.

I don't know. I haven't seen her yet, he answered demurely. Do you want me to wake her? It was ten o'clock by then, and he knew his mother disapproved of houseguests who stayed in bed all morning.

He went over and knocked on the door of the pink bedroom, while his mother watched, and a moment later, Allegra appeared in the dressing gown over her lace nightgown. She was barefoot, but she'd brushed her hair, and she looked very young and very pretty. And she immediately came to shake Mrs. Hamilton's hand, and smile at Jeff.

How do you do, I'm Allegra Steinberg, she introduced herself, and for a long moment his mother said nothing, and then nodded. She made it quite obvious that she was looking Allegra over, and it made her extremely uncomfortable but she tried to be brave about it, and kept smiling.

It was nice of you to come this time, Mrs. Hamilton said coolly. There was no hug, no kiss, there were no good wishes, or mentions about the wedding.

We were disappointed to cancel last time, Allegra said clearly. She could play this game too, if she had to. We couldn't help it.

So Jeff told me. Well, it's warm today, she said, glancing outside at the ocean. It was clear and bright and very warm, even at that hour of the morning. Perhaps you'd both like to play tennis at the club before it gets much hotter.

But Jeff wasn't interested. We can play in California. We came here to be with you. Do you need us to do any errands for you this morning?

No, thank you, Mrs. Hamilton said crisply. Lunch is at noon. I don't imagine you'll want much breakfast at this late hour, Miss ‘ Allegra’ . She made her point succinctly. But there's coffee and tea in the kitchen, whenever you're dressed. In other words, please don't wander around my house in your nightgown. Her messages were clear but unspoken. Don't stay in bed all morning. Don't sleep with my son under my roof. Don't be very familiar. Don't come any closer.

My mother's a little cool at first sometimes, Jeff tried to explain to her as they went downstairs together half an hour later. Allegra was wearing pink shorts and a matching T-shirt, and sneakers. I don't know if she's shy or just aloof. It takes her a while to get to know people.

I understand. Allegra smiled at him lovingly. You're her only child too. It can't be easy for her to be losing’ you, and see you getting married.

I would think she'd be relieved, he laughed. She used to nag me about it. She gave that up a long time ago at least. Allegra wanted to ask him if it was at the same time she gave up laughing and smiling. She looked as though she hadn't cracked a smile since the Spanish Inquisition. And when they went downstairs for coffee, she was in the kitchen, giving the ancient Irish cook instructions. Lizzie had been with her for over forty years, and she made everything exactly the way Mrs. Hamilton wanted, she always explained to anyone who'd listen. Especially the menus.

They were talking about lunch at that exact moment. She had ordered a shrimp salad, and a tomato aspic. There were hot rolls, and floating island for dessert. And just hearing about it sounded very Eastern to Allegra.

We'll eat in the outside dining room, Mrs. Hamilton explained.

Don't go to a lot of trouble, Mother, Jeff told her easily. You don't need to make a lot of fuss for us. We're not guests. We're family. She gave him a chilly look of surprise as he said it, as though she had no idea what he was thinking.

After coffee and muffins, Allegra and Jeff went for a brief walk around the property, and then down the beach, and Allegra tried to get rid of her feeling of tension. Mrs. Hamilton seemed to create an atmosphere of malaise around her, and Jeff seemed completely unaware of it, as though he thought her icy, spartan rigor was normal. Maybe having grown up that way made it seem more tolerable. But Allegra couldn't imagine how he had come to be so loving and affectionate with a mother like an iceberg.