The Will

Chapter Fifteen Say Her Name with His Last Breath

I felt the bed move before I felt my hair slide off my neck.

I opened my eyes, turned my head and saw Jake. He was sitting on the side of my bed, his weight in his hand in the bed on the other side of me, his eyes on me.

“Is it time to work out?” I asked sleepily.

“Oh yeah,” he answered, his voice strange, deeper and rumbly, the sound, especially first thing in the morning, utterly lovely.

I decided against telling him that and instead turned to my back and shared, “I have new workout clothes so I don’t have to borrow Amber’s anymore.”

He dipped closer to me and his voice was even deeper and more rumbly when he told me, “Way we’re gonna work out, Slick, clothes are unnecessary.”

I felt my entire body melt into the mattress.

Oh my.

Jake kept talking.

“Opened the gym, got boys there, they’ll keep an eye on it.” He got even closer. “We got hours.”

“Hours?” I breathed.

His mouth hit mine but his eyes didn’t close so I was staring into their deep blue depths when he whispered with emphasis, “Hours.”

“Oh my,” I replied and watched his eyes smile.

Then I closed my own for I’d seen his head slant and I knew he was going to kiss me.

He did and I melted deeper into the mattress. But only for a moment. When my mouth opened and his tongue slid inside, his arms closed around me and he pulled me out of bed and across his lap.

Still kissing me, he fell back on a twist taking me with him so he was properly in the bed and at once, he rolled so he was on top.

I liked him waking me. I liked that he was the first thing I saw in the morning. I liked his voice all deep and rumbly. I liked him in bed with me. I liked that we had hours.

And I very much liked his kiss.

So much, I wanted more of it and of him. Therefore, I slid my hands into his shirt and pulled up by dragging them up the warm skin of his back.

Alas, when I did this, he detached his lips from mine. Fortunately, he did this only to arch away so I could drag the shirt up further and when my arms could reach no more, he assisted and yanked it off, tossing it aside.

I caught a glimpse of his wide, defined chest before he settled on me again and took my mouth. My mind lost in Jake’s deep kiss, my body knew what it wanted. Thus, I bent a knee, planted my foot in the bed and bucked.

Jake, being Jake, gave it to me by giving in and allowing me to roll him. I rolled with him, broke our kiss and lifted up to look down at him.

His dark hair on my pillow. His eyes heated but languorous. His jaw stubbled. His corded throat and muscular chest right there.

All of it amazing.

And all of it right there.

For me.

I decided to take it and dipped my head to slide my lips against his rough jaw, liking the sharp, bristly feel against my soft skin. Liking it so much, I went for more, trailing them down his neck.

This brought in sight his throat and I’d always liked that so I moved to take that in with my lips. My hand was encountering warm skin over hard muscle, which brought to mind his chest so I leisurely made my way there. Since that expanse was so vast, I really needed to be in the proper position to do it justice so I moved over Jake, straddling his hips.

Trailing my lips everywhere, I engaged my tongue on a little mew when I felt Jake’s hands slide up into my nightie then down into my panties to cup my behind.

The pads of his fingers were not smooth. He was a man who renovated his own home, owned a gym, boxed. Thus, his fingers were calloused and abrasive.

And, like his voice earlier, utterly lovely.

I encountered his nipple and brushed my lips across it. Back. Again. And again. On the next pass, I grazed it with the tip of my tongue.

I heard Jake emit a noise that sounded like it came from deep in his chest. A noise that reverberated pleasingly between my legs, just as his fingers dug into my bottom, something I liked. Very much.

I lifted my head to see his on the pillow, his chin tipped down, his eyes on me.

Another pleasant sensation pulsed between my legs at the increased heat in his gaze. I liked the look of it. I also liked that it was me who put it there.

I held his eyes as I dipped my head and lapped at his nipple.

His gaze heated further and his fingers clenched again at my behind.

I kept lapping as I kept the connection of our gazes then finally I closed my eyes, turned my attention fully to his nipple and suckled it.

One of his hands stayed in my panties while the other one slid swiftly up my spine, into my hair to cup the back of my head as he groaned, “Fuck, baby.”

At this indication he much liked what I was doing, I kept pulling at his nipple with my mouth as I slid my hand down his chest to his stomach and lightly explored the ridges there.

These ridges were fascinating.

Utterly.

His hand fisted in my hair.

He liked that too.

I switched nipples and hands, now my right hand was engaged and I trailed it lower, sweeping it across the edge of the waistband of his workout pants.

He slightly lifted his hips.

I knew what that meant and he’d rolled to give me access to all of him, it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t give him what he wanted when he wanted it like he did for me.

So I directly slid my hand into his pants and curved my fingers tight around his thick, rigid cock.

“Fuck, baby,” he groaned again, deeper this time, his hand in my panties going out so he could wrap his arm tight around me.

I lifted my head to look at him and said softly, “I like exploring your body, Jake.”

His voice was gruff when he replied, “I like you exploring my body, Josie.”

This made me extremely happy.

“It pleases me that I please you,” I whispered.

“Honey, this hair all over me,”—his hand twisted gently in my hair—“that soft nightie, your pretty face, your fantastic fuckin’ mouth, your hand, no way you couldn’t please me.”

That meant so much, I kissed his nipple, slid up and kissed his chest, up and I kissed the base of his throat and up where I kissed his jaw before I moved my lips to his.

That was when I stroked with my right hand.

“Jesus,” he grunted, his eyes closing, his hips bucking under my hand.

“I want to give you everything,” I told him quietly on another stroke.

His eyes opened and captured mine.

“You’re doin’ a pretty good job of that, Slick,” he told me, his hand in my hair sliding out, down my neck, in over my chest and then down where it cupped my breast.

My lips against his parted and I stroked him again.

“You gonna let me give you everything too?” he asked.

I was.

Absolutely.

“Yes,” I breathed.

His thumb slid across my nipple over the silk of my nightie. I stroked him again and pressed my hips into my hand working between us.

His hand moved down, in my nightie and up and I had it back at my breast, cupping it, his thumb abrading my nipple.

Oh yes.

I stroked again and rubbed against him.

“How hot are you from workin’ me?” he asked, his lips moving against mine.

I stroked again, my breathing escalated, and didn’t answer.

“How hot are you, baby?” he pressed.

“Very,” I breathed.

“Very?” he queried.

“Yes.”

As I stroked him again, his arm that was around me moved down so his hand could delve back into my panties were it cupped my bottom just as his hand slid away from my breast, down, in the front of my panties and straight in. His rough finger glided tight over my clit then slid right inside me.

My breath hitched then I bit my lip, biting his as it was right there and he made another low noise that rumbled up his chest as his finger started moving in and out.

“You’re right,” he said, his voice now hoarse. “You’re very hot.”

My hand started stroking faster, my fist tighter, the only pauses being when I reached the top and circled his silken head with my thumb before pumping him again. I slid my nose down his and panted as I rocked my hips into his hand.

“You gonna kiss me or just tease me with that mouth?” Jake asked.

“I don’t…” I stroked faster as my hips rocked harder when his thumb hit my clit. “I don’t think I can kiss you, darling.”

His hand moved, his finger going out, two fingers going in and his thumb pressed in and circled.

A sharp noise escaped my lips and I stroked harder as his hand at my behind gripped tight.

“Much as I like it, you’re gonna have to quit, Josie. What you’re doin’ is magic but this is gonna be over way fuckin’ soon if you don’t.”

I most assuredly didn’t want it to be over so I slid my hand up and rolled the head with my thumb as he kept at me with his fingers and I rocked into it.

I loved what he was giving me, I loved having him right there with me, but suddenly I needed more.

“I want you inside me.”

Jake moved his hand out of the back of my panties, up my spine and curled his fingers around my neck, trapping my hair under them, his thumb firm at my jaw before he said, “Gonna take you there with my fingers.”

All right, well…that sounded good too.

“Okay,” I panted.

“Then gonna eat you and take you there again.”

Oh my.

That sounded better.

“Okay,” I repeated on a shallow breath.

“Then you’re gonna suck me.”

Oh my.

Oh yes.

Oh God.

That sounded the best.

“Okay,” I gasped, rocking fast as his thumb pressed deeper and circled harder.

“Then I’m gonna fuck you.”

“Jake.” I was still gasping because I was close. Oh so close. So tremendously, astounding, amazingly close.

“That okay?” he asked.

“Yes,” I managed to breathe out and then my head would have shot back if his hand wasn’t at my neck, keeping me where he could see me as I cried out, grinding into his hand, tightening mine around his cock. Everything ceased to exist but my body straddling Jake’s big one, his hand between my legs, his lips brushing mine, his fingers curled around my neck, and the sensations he gave me washing through me.

When it left me, he let me rest my forehead in his neck as he kept his hand at jaw, took the pressure off my clit and his fingers glided gently through the wet folds between my legs.

“You good?” he asked softly.

“Oh yes,” I answered quietly, remembering what my hand was curled around and again circling the head with my thumb.

He slid his hand from between my legs, over my hip so it could again cup my behind.

“You want some coffee before I go down on you?”

He knew I needed coffee.

So thoughtful.

So wonderful.

However.

“If you leave this bed, I’ll be very put out.”

His body shook under mine and I heard the humor in his voice when he said, “Unlatch, baby, and roll. Woke up with a taste for my woman’s pussy, now it’s ready for me, I’m hungry.”

I shivered at his words and “unlatched,” sliding my hand away from his shaft and lifting my head to look down at him.

I wanted to say something, I knew not what. Thank you for being all that’s you. Or you mean a great deal to me. Or you make me happy and I haven’t been happy in decades. Or I’m delighted this is real.

I didn’t get a chance to say any of that. He put pressure on my neck, which meant he could get my mouth to his.

Then he took it as he rolled us.

After that, he set about proving that he did indeed wake up for a taste of me, but more, he was hungry.

Very.

In the end, however, it was me who was slaked.

* * * * *

I was naked, sated, on my belly and alone in the bed.

This was because Jake was down the hall in the bathroom dealing with the condom.

I didn’t like him that far away from me.

But I’d just climaxed three times, all of them extraordinary, the one when Jake’s mouth was between my legs being mind-altering, I didn’t have it in me to lament this. Especially since he was coming back shortly.

I sensed movement at the door and turned my eyes there to watch him walk naked down the hall, right past my door.

I blinked.

Where was he going?

Or a more pressing question, where was he going naked?

With some effort, my body much preferring to be fully reclining, I lifted up on my forearm in the bed, about to call out to Jake when something caught at the corner of my eye.

I looked to the nightstand and saw the bent, ripped foil wrapper of the condom Jake had just used.

I also saw his wallet opened and resting there.

And last, spilling out of his wallet, I saw a streamer of condoms.

I reached out and tugged at it. It came loose and I counted.

The streamer consisted of five condoms.

The used one made it six.

I grinned and stayed where I was, hoping whatever he was doing wouldn’t take long (at the same time hoping it had something to do with a caffeinated hot beverage) and was pleased when Jake’s large frame appeared in the doorway.

When it did, I lifted up the streamer of condoms.

His eyes dropped to it, his lips twitched and he made it to me. Tugging the condoms from between my fingers, he tossed them back to the nightstand then did something wondrous.

He entered the bed but he accomplished this at the same time he gathered me close to his big, strong body and pulled the covers over us. Only when he had us cozy, warm and settled, him on his back, me on him but also partly down his side, did I speak.

“How many hours do we have?”

He grinned at me. “Sucks but not that many. Leavin’ that stash in your nightstand.”

“Ah,” I murmured then pressed closer and shared, “I do take birth control, Jake, and I’m healthy.”

His face got soft and he replied, “Good to know, baby. But I haven’t had a checkup in seven months and I haven’t abstained. Except for you in the locker room, I’m all about protection and never go ungloved. Since it’s gonna be just you and me, you’re down with ungloved, okay. But you want me to move up my annual physical, I’m okay with that too.”

Just you and me.

I loved that.

I lifted a hand to his jaw and told him, “You’re really very wonderful.”

That was when his eyes got warm and he rolled into me so we were both on our sides, Jake’s thigh between my legs and he said, “You’re pretty fuckin’ wonderful too.”

“You thinking that makes me happy,” I shared.

“You bein’ happy makes me happy,” he returned and I pressed even deeper.

Yes, he was so…very…wonderful.

Jake took the cue and bent his head so he could kiss me. It was light and short but it was still sweet.

He lifted away an inch and said, “Coffee’s on.”

“Excellent,” I murmured then noted, “That’s what you did when you walked by the room.”

“Yep.”

“So you walked through Gran’s house naked.”

He grinned and his arms got tight. “Yeah. I also walked through your house naked.”

He did indeed.

My house. Jake naked.

I licked my lips.

His arms got tighter but his face got more serious.

“I take it your shit for brains boss didn’t fuck with you last night.”

I shook my head. “I’ve heard nothing from him. And I’m not contacting him until I know what I intend to say.”

“Which way you leaning?” he asked.

“I quit?” I asked back as answer.

He grinned but the grin died and he queried, “You in the position to do that?”

I nodded. “I have to meet an accountant but Gran’s estate was somewhat substantial. I also have a goodly amount in savings and investments. I’ll need to pay taxes on the inheritance but I believe I’ll still be comfortable after that.” My eyes drifted to his throat when I finished, “It’s just that I don’t fancy not being employed. I like to be busy. “

“And on the go,” Jake stated and I lifted my gaze back to him.

“Pardon?”

“And on the go,” he repeated. “Out and about. Flyin’ everywhere. Rome. Paris.”

“That, not so much,” I murmured.

His brows drew together. “Come again?”

I held his gaze and shared, “This feels good, being at Lavender House. Being in Magdalene. There’s a break, like a holiday, where you enjoy not being in your routine and you relax into another one. But in the end, you nearly always want to go back to your life. Your home. Your normal schedule. I’ve been here some time now, Jake, and even before Henry’s ignoble visit yesterday, I knew I was going to ask him if I could do much of my job from here because it occurred to me I am home and want to stay.”

“So you were gonna slow down anyway,” he replied.

“Yes,” I confirmed.

His arms got even tighter, his face softer and his eyes warmer. “Good news, Slick.”

I smiled at his apparent deep satisfaction at this news and repeated, “Yes.”

“You’ll find something to do,” he assured me.

“Yes,” I said yet again.

“Now, what the fuck does ignoble mean?”

I giggled, leaned up to kiss him in the middle of it and settled back to see him smiling.

“Not honorable. Shameful,” I explained.

“A lotta good things about you, honey. One of them is that Ethan’s pickin’ up your vocabulary. Swear to Christ, before Conner took him to school today, he said he was vexed about something and if I got it right, he used it right seein’ as he was annoyed.”

“He used it correctly,” I confirmed, but his words troubled me. “Conner takes Ethan to school?”

“Sometimes, yeah,” Jake replied. “I open the gym early so guys can get their workouts in before goin’ to work. If I can’t get back, Conner or Amber take him to school seein’ as they both have cars.”

It was then it occurred to me that he did have to open the gym. He also said last night he had to get to the club and he was going to do it when the kids were asleep.

“Do you often go to the club when the children are asleep?” I asked.

“Nearly every night,” he answered. “Gym’s runnin’ in the black but barely. Wouldn’t if I had to have an employee on the books so it’s gotta be me who opens and closes. Con helps out with that when he has time, but he doesn’t have much of it since he’s got another job, I lean on him a lot already at the house and with his brother and any time he’s got in between, he needs to be at his books, training or able to have some fun. Got a guy who helps me with the club but shit can go down there. It’s a decent place but you gotta work at that. Can’t help but attract a sleazy element no matter what you do. Shit can’t happen if they know I’m comin’ in and don’t know when. I could be there all night if the kids are cool to be home with Eath. I can show when the night’s done. They never know except for the fact that they know I’ll show so if anyone wants to get up to shit, they think again.”

“So, essentially, you have the same life you had before you owned the strip club, except you make more money and don’t have a wife to look after your kids,” I noted.

“Yeah, babe, but I got kids old enough to look after themselves and their little brother. We do all right.”

“When did you go to the club last night?” I asked.

“Just after eleven.”

“And when did you get home?”

“Around two.”

“And then up to open the gym by seven?”

He rolled further into me so I was on my back and he was on me but also partly down my side and he dipped his face very close.

“We’re cool,” he told me.

“I can tell you’re cool,” I replied. “Outside of normal teenage stuff, your children are happy. They’re healthy. They have a nice house. Rooms they like. They’re fed. They clearly love you very deeply. You make certain to be available to them and spend time with them often. They know you care. You’re a strict dad when you have to be but still approachable. All that is lovely. Beautiful, actually. And you don’t act it, which is nice for them so they won’t feel it, but it has to run you ragged.”

“So what’re you sayin’?” he asked, his head tipping to the side. “That I should dump the gym? ’Cause I can’t dump the club. That keeps my kids in rooms they like.”

“No, I’m saying that you should sleep in or feel free to get Ethan to school and I can open up the gym and sit in the office until you get in just in case someone needs something. All you have to do is show me around.”

Jake said nothing.

So I did.

“It can’t be hard. While I’m there, if you don’t have a bookkeeper, I can do your books. I did Henry’s for him. I don’t have a degree or anything but I took some classes early on when I was with Henry so I could handle that for him and have answers at the ready to any questions he might have about his finances.”

Jake remained silent.

Alas, I did not.

“Or I could go to the club in the evenings. I’m not a commanding presence like you but if it’s known that you and I are together, they’d know I can easily report to you if something is awry or causes me concern and it might deter them from doing it. At the very least, you’d know about it and you could deter them. I’m a night owl anyway. I’d have no problem spending time in the club to keep an eye on things.”

Jake continued his silence and when he did, I became concerned.

The reason why I became concerned was that he was definitely a man. A commanding man. He was confident in everything he did, including being a father.

With that, it occurred to me all I was saying might communicate that I questioned his ability to handle his enterprises, his home and his children.

So I rushed on.

“I’m not saying that you can’t—”

He interrupted me with, “Quiet, Slick.”

I shut my mouth.

Jake stared down at me.

He did this for some time. So much of it, I was about to squirm. Instead of squirming, I opened my mouth.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insult you. That wasn’t my inten—”

His hand came to my jaw, his thumb sliding out over my lips, effectively silencing me. When his thumb had made its pass, his head dropped and he brushed his mouth against mine.

That wasn’t an angry reaction, thank goodness.

When he lifted away, he whispered, “Momma bear lookin’ after my kids. Good woman lookin’ after her man.”

“Pardon?” I whispered back but I knew what he was saying and I liked it a great deal. And I knew he did too from his soft kiss.

Jake didn’t answer my question.

He told me a story.

“Three, four years ago, Junior got laid off. Had trouble findin’ work because the economy was in the tank and there was no work to find. Alyssa was havin’ trouble too. Easy not to get your hair or nails done when disposable income has dried up. Still, she kept her shop open later and opened on days it was normally closed to give clients more opportunities to come in and see her. She didn’t make a big deal about workin’ that hard. She still kept their house. Cooked for them seein’ as Junior was on odd jobs that had odd hours, takin’ whatever work he could get to do his bit. Or he was out for interviews all over the fuckin’ state. She never complained. She never rode his ass. He was outta work for nearly three years and you saw them together, you would think they were flyin’ high. Sun rises in him for her. It sets in him for her too. Every morning. Every night. And she shows him that every day. He loves her for it. He’d take a bullet for her. Say her name with his last breath. ‘Cause she’s a good woman lookin’ after her man.”

When he was done talking, I had tears in my eyes.

I also decided I really, really liked Alyssa.

But he was not quite finished.

“Been married three times. Never had that. Not one of the women who wore my ring gave me that shit. Didn’t tell me I was wonderful. Didn’t offer to pitch in when shit got tight or things went south. Now, things are good, steady, it works, I’ve known you a coupla weeks, and you’re still offering to help out even when I don’t need it.”

“You can’t go to bed at two in the morning and get up at six thirty, Jake. Not regularly. That’s not healthy,” I said softly.

“Been doin’ that shit for years, Josie, it’s my life. I’m used to it. Doesn’t bother me. I find times to get my sleep in,” he replied softly. “What I like a whole fuckuva lot is that you give a shit.”

I curled my arms around his back and told him, “I’m glad you like that, Jake. Very much so. But I still believe you should give me keys to the gym or introduce me around the club or both.”

Before I was done, his body was shaking. When I finished, the bed was shaking. He was also smiling.

“I’m not joking,” I told him.

His deep voice was shaking as well when he replied, “I know you aren’t.”

“So are you going to give me the keys to the gym and show me around the club?”

He was still smiling when he asked, “Are you gonna shut up about it unless I do?”

“That’s unlikely.”

“Then I guess I am,” he said, still smiling.

“That would make me feel better,” I told him.

“That’s my job, to make you feel better,” he stated but it sounded like he was teasing.

I decided to ignore that and declared, “You can pay for my assistance in orgasms.”

That got no smiles.

Oh no.

He burst out laughing. He did this so hard he collapsed on me, his face in my neck and I took most of his weight.

He was very hard. Very solid. Very warm. And very heavy.

“Jake,” I wheezed, squeezing him with my arms.

He lifted up, but did so still laughing quite boisterously.

“I was also not joking about that,” I told him through his laughter, which made him drop his forehead to mine and laugh more boisterously.

I slapped his back lightly. He lifted up his head and his humor quieted but it didn’t go away.

“You do give very good orgasms,” I informed him.

“Heard that, felt it, watched it, babe,” he said through his now-chuckling. “But I’d give you those for free.”

Yes, of course he would.

I amended my negotiation. “Then you can pay me in tacos.”

He held my eyes as he shook his head and his body again started shaking.

I felt my eyes narrow. “Again, I wasn’t being amusing.”

Suddenly, his laughter died and he replaced his hand at my jaw. Just as suddenly it seemed not only was his body on mine but his commanding presence was shrouding me, warm and snug, and last and most importantly with what was to come, safe.

“You know Lydie talked about you.”

I said nothing. My heart had started beating very hard and my arms had convulsed around him without me telling them to do so.

That was still an answer and Jake heard it.

“I know about your dad. I know about what your dad did to your mom. How he did it often. I know you saw it. I know he’d call you down just to watch. I know that’s fucked and I know that fucked with you.”

He paused.

I braced.

He went on, “I know about Andy.”

I closed my eyes and turned my head away. Even braced I was unprepared for this, but when I moved, Jake’s mouth came to my ear.

“And I know about that guy.”

I closed my eyes tighter.

“I’m not tellin’ you this to freak you out. To hurt you. Lydie told me I figure ‘cause she had to let that shit go too. She liked me, she trusted me with that and with that part of you she was givin’ to me and that’s an honor, baby. From her and to have that about you.”

He stopped speaking and stroked my jaw with his thumb.

When I said nothing, he continued.

“I’m tellin’ you this now, when you’re mine, when you’re with me, naked, close, safe, we both know we care about each other and want to build somethin’ so you know I know that was it for you. You’re not a practiced hand at this. You’ve never really had a man and I get why. I fuckin’ do. Down to my gut I do, baby. And we can go there when you’re ready. Right now, all you have to know is, I’ll make you tacos until you can’t stand lookin’ at them anymore, if that’s what you want and I’ll do it just because you want them. The bottom line is, you look out for me, I’ll look out for you. I’ll make you come as often as you want. I’ll make you dinner, take you to dinner, take you to New York to see your friends, fly you to Paris ‘cause you wanna eat snails, I don’t give a fuck. But I won’t do that in return for shit you do for me. That’s what you give me. The only time it’ll go bad is if you don’t feel you get what you need from me and get it just because.”

He stopped speaking.

I remained silent.

“Do you understand that, Josie?” he asked.

I took in a breath through my nostrils, opened my eyes and turned to look at him.

All he said was lovely. Truly lovely.

Wonderful.

But what I asked was, “You know about Andy?”

“Yeah, baby,” he answered gently.

“Do you know what happened after dad found—”

Jake cut me off. “That he put you in the hospital. Yeah.”

I pressed my lips together and rolled them.

“Know Lydie reported her son to CPS and got custody of you when that happened too,” he said.

Gran did tell him about me.

All about me.

I could do nothing but nod.

He kept speaking.

“Know you spent your senior year at St. Michael’s. A good school. Private. Just girls. Safe for you. Close so you could be with Lydie.”

I nodded again.

He continued.

“Know you went to college and met a supreme asshole.”

My heart jumped.

“Can we not talk about that part now?” I asked in a feeble voice.

His thumb swept my jaw again. “Yeah, honey.”

“You’re right. I’ve never been in a relationship. Not, well…since then,” I confirmed.

He instantly replied, “And you know I don’t have a good track record so we’ll both be findin’ our way.”

I held his eyes, liking that, liking how he didn’t make me feel strange or weak for the decisions I’d made or the life I’d led.

And I most assuredly wanted to find the way with Jake.

My gaze drifted to his shoulder and I went back on what I asked earlier.

“I found my dad in him,” I shared.

“I know,” he replied quietly.

“Not Andy,” I stated to make certain he understood. “He was lovely before. He was lovely after. He called. He even wrote. But I couldn’t go back.”

“I know.”

“The other one,” I said even though I knew he knew who I was talking about.

“Yeah,” he whispered.

“I was worried that was all I’d ever find.”

“I get that.”

It was then, what he’d said the night we became lovers made sense to me.

“So I put on a disguise so I’d be hidden, in a way, and never find anything.”

He kept stroking my jaw and whispering, “Yeah. That’s what you did. And you know what I love?”

What he loved?

Loved?

My heart skipped another beat for a very different reason as my eyes shifted to his.

“What do you love, Jake?”

“I love that you shed that disguise watchin’ me fight. That whatever broke through for you broke through then. Bein’ there for me, watchin’ me do somethin’ I’ve always loved to do. I know you didn’t wanna go but you went for me. After, you still walk the walk and talk the talk, baby, but since you pulled your panties down for me and took my cock against that wall, all I got is you. All the kids got is you. We had you before but I feel the difference and it’s not about havin’ you here with me, naked in your bed. It’s just havin’ you. Laughin’ and gettin’ up in Mia’s face in your way and bein’ there for Amber when she’s excited about a boy and bein’ happy and showin’ that I give that to you. You’re willin’ to take a chance on this. Work on it with me. Takin’ that shot for the first time in years. With me. That’s what I love.”

When he was done speaking, my eyes were again wet so his hand moved and his thumb swept my cheekbone as if preparing to catch the tears should they fall.

“Don’t be pissed at Lydie for sharing,” he ordered gently.

I shook my head, unable to come to terms with that part of this conversation with Jake warm and close and being more than his usual wonderful.

“I suppose her doing it means I don’t have to relive it,” I noted.

And I didn’t want to relive it.

Gran had managed to give me that too.

But it was me who took a lot of me away and my eyes drifted back to his shoulder when I noted, “I’ve lost a lot of life to that disguise, Jake.”

The pads of his fingers put pressure on my face and when he got my gaze back, he replied, “You’re livin’ it now, Josie. But can you seriously look back and say you didn’t have a full life before, with all you’ve done, the people you know, the places you’ve been?”

I shook my head again.

“No,” he agreed then smiled. “It’s just that now you got more.”

Now I had more.

So much more.

“Is this what Gran wanted for us, do you think?” I asked.

I watched something shift in Jake’s eyes before his hand slid down to my neck, his thumb started stroking my throat and he answered firmly, “Yes.”

“So you think wherever she is, she’s happy?”

Another firm, “Yes.”

I thought so too, I liked that thought, actually loved it, so I relaxed underneath him. “Good.”

It seemed like he was going to say something but then he didn’t. He bent in and touched his mouth to mine. Then he did it again. And again. Then he touched his mouth to mine but didn’t pull it away because he was kissing me.

As he did, he rolled me so I was on top.

At that point, I kissed him.

After a while, we rolled again so I was on bottom.

And at that point, Jake again took over the kiss.

He ended it by trailing his lips down to my neck where he murmured, “Thank fuck I brought a bunch of condoms.”

I was okay with him going “ungloved.”

I had a feeling the way he looked out for me though, he wasn’t.

But two seconds later, when I felt his hardness pressed against my thigh, his hand closed over my breast and his mouth came to mine, I wasn’t thinking about condoms.

I wasn’t thinking at all.

Not about anything (not even coffee).

Nothing.

Except Jake.

* * * * *

I was in the garden and I didn’t have a lot of time.

September was moving swiftly toward October and I needed the dead plants out, the soil fertilized and turned in order to put it to rest for winter.

I was thinking I’d plant tomatoes in the coming spring. Corn. Potatoes. Pumpkins.

Yes, definitely pumpkins. Ethan might like having a pumpkin from my garden to carve for Halloween.

Jake had left after I made us sandwiches for lunch. He’d been gone half an hour. It was nearing on one. Time was running out.

The garden had seemed a great deal smaller when I’d helped Gran work it years ago. Now it seemed rather large. There was no way I was going to get what I needed to get done that day.

I’d have to do what I didn’t get done tomorrow.

This was because I had to be at Alyssa’s for my freebie mani-pedi at three, before that I had to pick Ethan up from school. Then drinks afterward. Which meant I needed to look presentable.

I definitely needed to look presentable later. When I picked Ethan up from Alyssa’s, Jake said I should stay for dinner at his place since I was going with him to the club after. This was so he could show me the lay of the land “should you hang there and keep an eye on it for me” (this last said with lips quirking like this would never happen and he was humoring me).

But I was going to hang there and keep an eye on it for him. He had way too many responsibilities. He didn’t think it was true, but he needed my assistance.

I’d show him how much better it was when “his woman” looked after him.

On this thought, I yanked out a dead corn stalk but did it smiling.

My smile froze when I heard, “Josephine.”

My head snapped up and I saw Henry standing outside the white fence that surrounded the garden.

Unlike yesterday, when I didn’t have the time to make the comparison, today I did.

And I saw what I’d been seeing for decades. That Henry Gagnon was tall, dark and handsome. He had lovely thick hair that seemed immune to gray (and I knew he didn’t dye it) and strong facial features that were most striking.

But not like Jake. Henry’s looks were smoother, more refined.

It must be said that of the men of our acquaintance, Henry had an edge.

But that edge was nowhere near as sharp as Jake’s.

He looked me from top to toe and his blank face turned into a blank mask. The difference was a nuance but I knew him well enough to see it. I also knew what it meant.

He got that look when the person he was addressing annoyed him and he wanted them to know they mattered little to him, if anything at all.

However, that look had never, not once, been aimed at me.

“Henry,” I said, traversing the rough ground in Gran’s wellies to get closer to him. Once I did, I stopped on my side of the fence and held his eyes, my look for him doubtfully a mask. I didn’t care that he knew I was annoyed at him. “I’m uncertain I’m ready to speak with you.”

“I leave in the morning to get to Paris,” he replied. “Amond allowed a day’s delay in the shoot so I could come and spend some time with you. I don’t have more. We have to do this now or over the phone and I’d rather do it now.”

This explained Amond’s strange statements during our phone call. He knew Henry was coming.

He also knew I was going to watch men fighting and had guessed this was because those men were interested in me.

Thus, I was more than mildly annoyed that he didn’t warn me Henry was intending to pay a surprise visit.

However, I couldn’t think on that.

I could only think on the limited possibilities of what had to be said between Henry and me face to face.

“If you have something to say, Henry, then please say it. I have work to finish in the garden and then I need to get to the school and pick up Ethan. I’ve plans with a friend after that and I’m spending the evening with Jake and the kids. So I don’t have a great deal of time either.”

The mask slipped, only slightly but it did it before he said curtly, “Spending the evening with Jake and his kids.”

“Yes,” I confirmed.

“Do you think perhaps that the local strip club owner knows your grandmother was a millionaire?” he asked and that wasn’t curt. It was borderline snide.

My back went up and my skin prickled.

“If you’re insinuating Jake’s interested in me only for Gran’s money, that’s both erroneous and insulting. And your spiteful tone in regards to Jake’s business concerns is offensive. He runs a very respectable club. Now, is that what you came here to say to me face to face?”

He ignored my question and asked, “Are there respectable strip clubs?”

“Jake’s is,” I returned. “Now, if this is what you wish to discuss, you made the journey to Lavender House in vain. I’ve no desire to talk about this.”

“That isn’t why I’m here.”

I said not a word but held his eyes.

His jaw clenched before he released it to announce, “I’ve spoken with Daniel. He’s phoned a company in LA who will be packing all your belongings in the pool house. These will be shipped to you express. You’ll have them by the end of the week at the latest. Daniel’s also agreed to come on board as my assistant officially. I’ll give you six month’s severance. This will be transferred into your account within two days. Your paperwork will arrive at Lavender House within that timeframe. You’ll need to sign it and return it at your earliest convenience.”

I felt not a small amount of pressure building in my head.

“So you’re sacking me because I’ve met a man,” I stated.

“I’m severing our professional relationship because it’s no longer constructive.”

“And it’s no longer constructive because you’re in love with me, never had the courage to do anything about it, I found a man I care about and you’re having a tantrum. And as you hold some power over me, the tantrum you’re having is negating my employment.”

His expression didn’t change. Not even a hint.

“You’re a millionaire, Josephine, and the severance package is fair.”

“I believe a severance package of a month’s wages for every year I’ve worked for you is more fair, Henry,” I returned, simply to be vexing mostly because he was vexing me.

“Then I’ll ask Daniel to change the amount and the wording in the paperwork,” Henry replied instantly.

That was when I felt the shot to the heart. The pierce of the arrow so excruciating it was a wonder I didn’t stagger back.

Wounded pride. Again.

But this time, the return arrow was directed at me.

“And this is it?” I asked.

“This is it,” he confirmed.

“Twenty-three years at your side and you hand me as much money as I ask for and walk away.”

He didn’t delay even a moment with his response.

“Yes.”

For the third time that day, tears stung my eyes but they weren’t good tears, overwhelmed by emotion of hearing a lovely story about a lovely woman or the gentle words from a man I was growing to feel very deeply about.

These were bad tears, overwhelmed by the emotions of loss and betrayal.

“Tears are hardly necessary, Josephine,” Henry said dismissively. “We were simply photographer and assistant.”

“Outside of Gran, for twenty-three years, you were the only real thing I had.”

The mask again slipped but he got it back in place swiftly.

But he said nothing.

I did.

“I’ve hurt you and done that simply by realizing the possibility I might find happiness and reaching for it and you strike back like this?”

“I’m uncertain what kind of happiness you can find with a small town strip club owner in the middle of nowhere in Maine but if that’s what you want, Josephine, you now have a clear shot.”

He was giving me a clear shot.

A clear shot by taking himself away.

“My first living memory is my father slamming my mother’s head against the kitchen floor.”

It came out as blunt and ugly as it was. And when it hit him, the mask disintegrated and Henry flinched so severely, his head jerked back with it.

“Some time later, she left us, never to return. Some time after that, when he discovered I was dating a boy without his permission, he beat me so badly I was in the hospital for a week.”

Another wince and, “Josephine—”

“Gran saved me from that. I managed to become normal again. I went to college. Fell in love. He was controlling, this was true, but he was handsome and he cared about me. I thought. Until the first time he beat me. I fell down a flight of stairs and broke my shoulder. I came back to Gran after that too.”

His hand came out but I took a step away.

“Did you ever wonder why I was so remote, Henry?”

“Honey—”

“Did you ever think to ask?”

“Jo—”

“No. You didn’t. I was so in love with you when we first started working together, every day held pain. But it was put up with the pain or lose one of only two people in my life I cared about and respected. So I put up with the pain.”

His face had blanched. “You were in love with me?”

“Head over heels.”

His voice was aching when he whispered, “Sweetheart—”

“To find you were the same and you didn’t even ask why I was protecting myself. Why I was aloof. Why I was disconnected. Didn’t even attempt to find a way in. I never thought for one moment you returned those feelings because…because…I don’t know why you did it but you never, not once, gave me any indication that you felt that way for me. You gave many other women that indication, right in front of me, but never me.”

“I showed you all the time, Josephine,” he said gently.

“No.” I shook my head. “Jake did. He knew all that about me and he knew he had to proceed with caution but the point is he realized he liked me, he was attracted to me and he proceeded.”

“I’m afraid he had an unfair advantage, honey, because I didn’t know any of this shit,” Henry pointed out.

“You…didn’t”—I leaned in— “ask,” I hissed and I leaned back. “Two decades and you didn’t ask, Henry?”

“How was I to know there was something to ask about, Josephine?”

“If you love someone, you want to know everything. You want to heal all hurts. You want to be there for them when they need you. You just want to be with them all the time.”

“Are you saying you’re in love with a man you’ve known two weeks?”

“No, Henry. I’m saying that’s what I gave you for twenty-three years.”

I watched him flinch again. He knew it was true. Every word of it.

He recovered and inquired, “How do you press something like that with someone you employ? Someone that matters. Someone that, if you don’t get it right, you could lose and you know you can’t lose.”

“I don’t know. Maybe you do it because it’s worth the risk of whatever might become of it.”

“I’ll remind you, sweetheart, you felt the same way and you didn’t take that risk either,” he said softly.

He was right.

Absolutely right.

“I was afraid,” I told him.

“I understand that now. I could have no idea then.”

He was right about that too.

I looked to the dirt at my feet.

“Josephine,” Henry called and my eyes went back to him.

“It wasn’t meant to be,” I stated.

“How can we know that if we haven’t tried?” he asked.

“Because I’m falling in love with a man I’ve only known two weeks but even falling, I already know I can’t imagine what a day would be like without him. No,” I shook my head as Henry’s face started getting hard again. “I can imagine it. I just don’t want to.”

“I’m not certain he’s right for you,” he told me.

“And I’m not certain you would be, saying something like that when you don’t know him in the slightest.”

“I know we had our words yesterday, Josephine, they were unpleasant, he was there throughout, and he didn’t intervene for you once,” he pointed out.

“You’re right. He didn’t. But then again, you were my employer, had been for years, I’m a forty-five year old woman and it really wasn’t his place to intervene. However, when I was overcome by emotion after that scene that was when Jake intervened, holding me in his arms, stroking my hair and talking to me to soothe me.”

“So this guy is perfect,” Henry stated disbelievingly and perhaps a little sarcastically.

“Not at all,” I told him. “He’s ludicrously protective and preposterously overbearing. He’s also got this thing where he selects my seat for me, usually next to him, and does this by planting me in it. He can be very dictatorial and it isn’t infrequent when he is. He laughs when I’m being serious and bellows from wherever he is in the house at wherever the person he’s talking to is. He also uses curse words frequently, even in front of his children, and allows them to do the same, especially his eldest son, this latter I intend to have words with him about very soon. I’m certain he has other bad habits that I’ll discover, given the chance. The thing that makes me happy is that I have that chance.”

“So it’s you giving up on us,” Henry noted.

“No, it’s me saying that we had our time, that time passed. We both made that mistake. And now it’s me moving on. I didn’t drive here to fire me, Henry. You did.”

“Knowing how I feel about you, can you work alongside me? And if you care about me, can you honestly wish to do that while making me watch you fall in love with another man?”

“No, I intended to resign,” I told him honestly. “However, I had hoped to do it and salvage a relationship with someone I love very deeply who means a great deal to me. I just hadn’t come up with how to do that yet.”

He said nothing but held my gaze.

I did the same.

Henry was the first one to break the silence.

“Fuck, I should have come to Lydia’s funeral with you,” he clipped tersely.

He should have.

He really should have.

But he didn’t.

And if he did, I would not have Jake.

Or Amber.

Or Ethan.

Or Conner.

So I said nothing.

“I fucked us up,” he whispered and the way he did made my anger fade but my pain increase.

“We both did,” I said quietly.

“You had no choice with your past the way it was. I did.”

I couldn’t argue that.

“I fucked us up,” he repeated and I moved to him and put my hand on his chest.

“Stop it, Henry.”

“Twenty-three years, I’d look forward to you walking into my hotel room every morning with a coffee, sweetheart. Daniel’s nowhere near as attractive as you and completely the wrong gender. He sends it up through room service.”

I closed my eyes and dropped my head to rest it on my hand on his chest.

Oh, how I loved walking into Henry’s hotel room with a coffee every morning. The smile he’d give me. We’d sit down and chat, about the work to be done that day, where we were going, what was next, or nothing at all.

And he’d always make me laugh.

Now, looking back, knowing what I knew, I realized he worked for it, worked to give that to me.

Every morning.

His hand lifted and wrapped around the back of my neck and that felt nice and warm in the crisp autumn air. Strong. Sweet. Lovely.

With his lips at my hair, he said, “You find your way to salvage our relationship, you tell me. Then we’ll do it.”

I moved closer and wished the fence wasn’t between us as I turned my head so I could press my cheek to his chest.

His hand gave my neck a squeeze and his lips were still at my hair when he said, “This is killing me, honey, so I must go.”

I nodded, my cheek sliding against his shirt and I started to move back because I didn’t want to hurt Henry. Not ever.

And I had.

Unintentionally but I’d still done it.

So I had to stop doing that.

But I stopped when Henry’s hand at my neck put pressure on.

I tipped my head back to see Henry’s descending.

And then he kissed me. Not a chaste brush on the lips. His mouth opened over mine and for some reason, mine opened under his and his tongue slid inside.

He tasted very nice. He kissed very well. I was not surprised at either. He was Henry and almost everything about him was good, but as for the latter, he’d had a lot of practice.

But it didn’t fire me the way it should have. The way it could have. The way I knew it would have, even only three weeks ago.

Because I’d had Jake that morning, his mouth, his hands, his body, and he gave so much even while taking, nothing could compare.

Nothing.

Not even Henry.

He lifted his lips from mine and looked in my eyes.

He saw it because I didn’t hide it.

His voice was again an ache when he murmured, “Fuck, I fucked us up.”

My throat closed and I could do nothing but step away.

His hand dropped away when I did.

My eyes again filled with tears when it did.

How could it be that I felt with Jake like I was getting everything and at that moment knowing Henry was walking away, knowing Gran was gone, it felt like I’d lost everything?

“I wish for you to be happy,” he said gently and I swallowed, the tears now stinging my eyes. “I truly do.”

“I hope you’re happy too.”

My throat started aching as Henry tipped his head to the side and said, “Good-bye, my Josephine.”

“Good-bye, Henry,” I forced out.

He smiled. It was sad. It was adrift.

It gutted me.

Then he walked away.

* * * * *

I sunk my feet into the tub filled with warm water and bubbles.

The instant I did, Alyssa said, “Okay, honey, tell momma all about it.”

My surprised eyes went to her.

It was obviously after Henry left. After I gave up on the garden, went inside and saw I had a flurry of very verbose texts from Alyssa explaining how things would go with Ethan, Bryant and Sofie.

It was after I dropped Ethan off, he raced away with Bryant, I met Sofie (learning that Sofie was the oldest, Bryant the youngest and there were three in between). It was further after I saw that Sofie was a younger, shier, quieter Alyssa and noted in the five minutes I was with her she was very sweet.

And it was after Alyssa swept us out to her car. After she’d driven us into town and parked behind her shop. After she let us in, turned on lights and got the pedicure chair prepared. After I’d taken in her shop, which looked not one thing like a Maude’s House of Beauty, but instead like a rather posh spa you could find in New York, Los Angeles or even Paris. It was decorated in gold, silver and cream with modern lights hanging from the ceiling with a multitude of crystal lightshades that cast prisms that were very attractive.

It was after all that I looked to her, saw her looking at me with warm concern in her brown eyes and she stated, “I’m drowning in bitches all day, been doin’ that shit for years. I know a face like that when I see one. So tell me.”

It was then I lifted my hands, covered my face and burst into tears.

I did this for some time before a large bunch of tissues was pressed into the hand she’d pulled away from my face and I turned teary eyes to her.

“Tell me,” she urged.

I didn’t know why, maybe it was her tone, the kindly look in her eyes, the things Jake told me about her.

But I did.

I wiped my face, blew my nose and told her.

Everything.

I told her how my grandfather treated my grandmother. How my father and uncle did the same as they grew up, in their way, doing precisely what they learned to do from their father. Disrespecting her. Verbally abusing her. Getting into trouble. Carousing. Making her life that was already a living hell much worse. And not giving a damn. Never giving a damn.

I told her of my first living memory with my mother and father and a few more besides.

I told her about Andy. How wonderful he was. How he was the best first boyfriend in the world. How he seemed to understand my father was awful and how he tried in many marvelous ways to make up for that. How he was so gentle with me. How he was so careful in keeping our relationship a secret. How I heard from my friend Alicia that after my father had hurt me, he’d gone quite mad and the police had to come and get him after he broke into my father’s house and was shouting at him and destroying things.

I told her how that ended and how my relationship with my father ended.

I told her about how I left Andy behind.

I told her about Gran. How she saved me, took care of me, made me whole again.

I told her about going to university, being carefree and happy and meeting a charismatic, handsome fellow student, falling in love and moving in with him after we graduated.

I told her how he then cowed me, scared me with his temper, and finally beat me.

I told her about how I escaped again to Gran, found Henry, put on my disguise and lived my lie.

I told her about Gran dying, the will, Gran giving me to Jake, and Jake taking me.

And last, I told her all that had happened since then, with Jake, with Jake and Mickey, with Jake and Henry, finishing with my heartbreaking meeting with Henry just hours before.

Through this, she worked on my feet, she worked on my nails and she listened. A woman, who in our limited communications would barely let me get a word in edgewise, said nothing but a few “okays,” “mm-hmms,” “shits,” “holy craps,” and the like.

But when I was done, she looked me right in the eye and stated, “Sister, that is one helluva crazy fucked up story.”

And strangely, her saying that, her seeing it that way, her confirming what I knew to be true in my heart seemed profound. So profound it opened something inside me that felt like it shone out, starting to burn away the last vestiges of my disguise.

“And hearing that makes you more legend than you were before,” she went on.

What she said before felt nice.

That, however, confused me.

“Pardon?” I asked.

“Girl, your dad bein’ that big a dick, your mom takin’ off on you, your first man fucking you over that huge?” she asked, shook her head and kept speaking. “That’d break a lot of women. Especially that shit happening since freaking birth. Even before, you knowin’ your grandmother lived that same life. Fuckin’ crazy. But you?” More shaking of the head. “Didn’t break you. You got yourself a fancy-assed job trotting around the globe hobnobbing with the coolest of the cool, soaking in all that style and turning it back on the world. You freakin’ rock.”

“But…um…” I stammered. “Don’t you think it’s rather weak that I hid and didn’t—?”

“Babelicious, we all do what we gotta do to survive. You survived on designer dresses, first class plane tickets, champagne and caviar.” She grinned at me. “I think you did all right.”

I hadn’t thought of it like that.

And thinking about it like that, it occurred to me that I actually did.

“Mrs. Malone, totally the shit,” she stated. “Giving you to Jake in her will?” She shook her head, her lips curved up. “Always knew that old broad had it goin’ on. Didn’t know she totally had it going on.”

“This is true,” I said on a grin.

Alyssa winked at me then looked back at my nails.

“Sucks what happened with that Henry guy, though,” she continued. “I mean, I’m sad for both of you, all that unrequited love for years. It’s like one of those messed up art house movies that you think is going to be this epic love story but ends with no one getting what they wanted and makes you want to go straight to the bar after the movie and down a dozen shots of vodka to forget you saw that shit.”

“That is what it makes me feel like doing,” I confirmed and smiled at her when she looked up from polishing my nails. “But a mani-pedi from a kind woman who’s a good listener might be better,” I finished quietly.

She gave me a soft look that made her prettiness even prettier before she noted, “What’s even better is that I’m gettin’ that vodka in you after this shit dries.”

“Yes, that’s even better,” I agreed.

She again focused on painting my nails.

So I said to the back of her head, “Although I’m much looking forward to that, I don’t relish telling Jake what happened with Henry today.”

When I did, her head snapped back and I saw her eyes were huge and definitely her voice was shrill when she cried, “Say what?”

“I…uh…well, don’t relish telling Jake what happened with Henry this afternoon.”

She shook her head in short shakes like she was trying to clear it even as she shoved the varnish brush back into the bottle. Then her gaze locked on mine.

“Sister, you cannot tell Jake any of that shit.”

I felt my brows draw together. “Why not?”

“Why not?” she asked back incredulously.

I nodded.

“Because, girl, he’s Jake Spear.”

This didn’t explain her words or reaction for I knew he was Jake Spear and I was still confused.

“Alyssa—” I began but she cut me off, rolling her little stool even closer to my side.

“Listen to me, Josie. You haven’t had a man in a while and the ones you had before were first class asswipes so you don’t get this. But when you got a man, that man bein’ Jake Spear, you do not inform him that the hot guy who’s been in love with you for decades came to your home and lowered the boom when he was not around to look after you. You definitely do not tell him that hot guy laid one on you. Not when it’s fresh. Not five years down the line. Not ever.”

I didn’t think this was good advice, not with Jake. He was very open and candid and in being so, I would assume, would appreciate the same.

So I said, “I’m uncertain Jake would like me keeping that from him.”

She shook her head. “Babelicious, I’m gonna tell you a story ‘cause Junior’s cut from the same cloth as Jake. Now, it happens we go out for a drink and I might have a guy look at me. And it happens that one will approach, not givin’ a shit I got a kickass rock my man gave me on my finger. This happens when Junior isn’t close by because if he is, that shit never happens. But if he’s around, say, comin’ back from the john, and he sees it, I get that guy gone and I do it quick and when Junior asks me what’s up, I say the guy was askin’ for the time. Or if I knew the score of the game. Or whatever. I do not tell him the guy was comin’ onto me. If I did, Junior would stalk his ass, whip his ass and then I’d be scrapin’ together money to pay for his bail.”

This news was alarming on a variety of fronts.

“You lie to your husband?” I asked.

“Abso-freakin’-lutely.”

How odd.

“Do you think Jake would seek Henry out?” I inquired.

“Abso-freakin’-lutely.”

Good God.

“But Henry’s flying to Paris tomorrow,” I told her.

“He’d have to go to the fuckin’ moon to get away from a pissed off Jake Spear who learned that guy paid you surprise visit number two, was an asshole again and that conversation ended in a kiss. Won’t matter to him that kiss went nowhere because you’re all about Jake. Right or wrong, a man like that takes a woman as his woman, she…is…his and no one goes there. I don’t care if you and that Henry guy were unrequited lovers since you were fifteen and learned what sex was by sneakin’ a watch of Blue Lagoon. They definitely don’t blindside her with a nasty confrontation. He might have let shit play out between you and this guy once, allowing you to handle it. That guy instigates a part two,”—another shake of the head—“unh-unh.”

“He has asked quite frequently if Henry’s been in touch since that first time,” I confided.

“I bet,” she replied.

“And when he ordered me to break my date with Mickey, he stood right in front of me with his hand on my neck when I did it.”

“I bet he did that too.”

I bit my lip for these things gave credence to her advice.

Alyssa didn’t bit her lip. She spoke.

“He asks you if that guy’s been in touch, you say no. Later, you tell him Henry phoned and it’s over between you two. You never tell him about that kiss. Ever. You hearin’ me?”

I nodded my head.

I was hearing her.

Her face softened and she kept speaking.

“Honey, I’ll tell you this straight, a woman’s got it in her to handle a guy like Jake, like Junior, the reward…shoo-ee.” Yet another shake of her head. “Nothin’ better. They don’t give as good as they get. They get what they get and give better. Knock themselves out doin’ it. Work themselves in the ground doin’ it. You give it good, he’ll rock your world and do it again and again.”

That sounded marvelous and I knew it to be true since Jake was already doing that.

However, Alyssa wasn’t finished.

“But as that’s happening, you gotta learn to handle him. The way you look, the way you dress, the way you are…sister, Jake’s all that and I’m pretty sure he knows he’s got the full package, that don’t mean he isn’t gonna know he’s got it good with you. And he won’t want anyone turnin’ their eye to you and he’ll make sure that doesn’t happen. He dealt with Mickey”—she lifted a hand and gave a sharp snap of her fingers—“gone. They’re friends, he saw he had competition and he swiped you right out from under him and did it fast. Now, what would he do to keep you from a famous hotshot photographer? And what would he do if he thought this guy was harming you in any way or makin’ a play?”

“Hmm,” I mumbled.

“Hmm is right,” she agreed.

“I’ll think on this,” I told her.

“You think on it hard. You still got feelings for this Henry guy and he has the same for you and he doesn’t like Jake for you for more than just that he wants you for himself. Jake finds him and rips him a new asshole. What’s this Henry guy gonna do?”

I saw her point.

She leaned into me and her voice lowered when she repeated, “Learn to handle him. Do your part to keep it good. Yeah?”

“Uh…yes,” I haltingly agreed because although I saw her point, and it was a good point, I was still uncertain.

However, seeing as she was very certain, I decided agreement was my best option for now.

“Jesus, now I need a drink. And bad,” she announced, pulling the brush back out of the bottle of varnish. “Let’s get you finished up and get our asses to some vodka.”

“Alyssa,” I called as she stroked a perfect brush of a very attractive wine color on my forefinger.

She looked up at me. “Yeah?”

“Thank you for listening.”

Her eyes lit and her lips smiled. “Anytime, honey.”

“If you…well, anytime for you too, I hope you know.”

“Oh,” she started, tipping her attention back to my nail, “I’ll take you up on that. Junior does my head in. My hooligans do my head in. And I got a lot of good friends and a lot of good clients but most of them got big mouths.” She finished with my forefinger and looked back to me. “I’m guessin’ you know how to keep a secret.”

“I do,” I assured her.

“Then I just slotted you right up high on my Gotta Find a Sister to Bitch at List.”

I liked the idea of being high on that list, so I smiled.

She turned her attention to my thumb. “Anyway, finally got someone to sit with at the matches. And that’s awesome.”

It was.

It was indeed.

All of it.

Especially Alyssa.

* * * * *

“But do not, under any circumstances, get the Brazilian blowout. They use formaldehyde. You must get the keratin treatment,” I said to Paulette, the blonde dancer at Jake’s club, sitting next to her at a dressing table in the dressing room during her break. “Alyssa at Maude’s House of Beauty has informed me she does keratin treatments. They’re more expensive but they’ll leave your hair shiny, very soft and actually treat the hair to make it stronger.”

“And this will make it sleek?” Paulette asked.

“Perhaps too sleek,” I told her. “It’ll be a risk. If you prefer more body, discuss that with Alyssa. But yes. It will leave it quite straight and very sleek. And you’ll find your preparation time cut by half, at least.”

“It takes me for-freaking-ever to blow out my hair,” she murmured.

“Then perhaps you should try it. And anyway, when you do that move with your head and your hair swings out, imagine how it will catch the light with some shine and settle down your back. I would guess it would be quite magnificent.”

She grinned at me. “Yeah, that would look awesome.”

It would indeed.

I smiled back.

A sharp knock sounded on the door and then Jake’s voice could be heard calling, “Man entering the room!”

“Okay!” Paulette called back then leaned into me, pulling her robe closer around her so it was no longer gaping, exposing her rather abundant and totally nude cleavage. “He’s the only guy here who does that. “

I felt my brows draw together. “But he’s already seen your charms.”

“Yeah, he’s seen my charms, like, a million times,” she agreed on a giggle. “Still, he does it. It’s cool. And sweet. The other guys just walk in like it’s all the same to them, even though Jake’s always up in their shit not to do it. If he isn’t around, forget it.”

I found this didn’t surprise me. Jake was cool.

And sweet.

And further, Jake should know his employees weren’t following orders.

“Yo,” Jake greeted as I had this thought and I turned from Paulette to see him moving through the rather cluttered dressing room, his eyes going between us.

Obviously, I was at the club. And I was in the dressing room because after Jake showed me around, introduced me to the bouncers, waitresses and bartenders, one of the bouncers told him he had a call and he left me at the bar with a martini to go to his office and take it.

I watched the show for a bit but saw Paulette duck to the back and thus I decided that since I would be around and often, I’d take my chance, introduce myself to her and share about the benefits of a keratin treatment.

Therefore, I followed her to the dressing room.

And now here we were.

“Take it you met Paulette,” Jake said to me as he stopped close to us.

“Yes,” I replied.

“Your babe is awesome, Jake,” Paulette put in and that felt nice so I smiled at her again.

“As are you,” I told her.

She gave me a huge grin. Then she stood, shirked off her robe, exposing her fabulous, toned, tanning bed tanned, oiled body and strutted to the door, saying, “Time to shake it. Later.”

“Later, Paulette, lovely to meet you,” I called after her.

“Back at cha, babe,” she replied on a wink before she went out the door.

I looked up at Jake.

“You tell her to straighten her hair?” he asked.

“I did extend that advice,” I answered.

He grinned and shook his head before he bent, grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the chair, murmuring, “Your martini’s warm. Gotta get you another one.”

I said nothing as I followed him for I had nothing to say. Another martini sounded lovely and I definitely did not like warm vodka.

Jake held my hand as we moved through the club and he seated me at the side of the bar. Only then did he let me go before he slid between the stools to stand close and jerked up his chin to the bartender (the same one from the last time I was there, his name was Adam). In very little time, a fresh martini was placed in front of me as was a fresh bottle of beer for Jake.

He picked it up and took a tug.

I did the same but took a sip.

When I put my glass down, Jake got closer and I looked up to him as he leaned into the bar on a forearm and his hand came to the small of my back, slid under the hem of my sweater and up so he could trail his fingers in a lazy pattern on the skin there.

I touched my tongue to my bottom lip in reaction to how nice that felt.

Through the dim light, I saw Jake’s eyes drop to my mouth and he leaned in closer, his fingers ceasing their trailing and pressing into the waistband of my trousers.

His head dipped close and I knew he was going to say something, something that I’d like, something that might make the tingles I was experiencing in a variety of places get stronger.

But for some reason, I spoke before him.

“Dinner was lovely, thank you.”

He grinned. “It was just cheeseburgers, babe.”

It was. With Velveeta slices. I was finding Velveeta was a staple at the Spear house. I was also finding I didn’t mind this. They melted rather well on a thick, hot hamburger and quite enhanced the taste.

“Seems like Conner’s in good spirits,” I noted for it did. He’d arrived after his shift at Wayfarer’s and behaved like the dramas of the day before hadn’t occurred.

“He’s suckin’ it up and beatin’ it down,” Jake replied. “He’s not over it. He’s just not gonna let that show.”

My brows drew together. “Why on earth not?”

“Because he’s a guy, he’s his father’s son and he’s got no choice.”

“He’s safe to feel the way he feels around his family, certainly,” I remarked.

“He is,” Jake agreed. “But no purpose in draggin’ everybody down, especially Ethan. He needs me, he knows I’m there. But only choice he’s got is to keep on keepin’ on. He knows that. He’ll get over it. He knows that too. We just gotta cut him some slack and let him handle it the way he sees fit.”

This seemed a sound strategy so I nodded.

Then I informed him, “The men in your employ walk into the dancers’ dressing room without knocking.”

He stared at me only a second before he shook his head and murmured, “Little shits.”

“I’m uncertain from Paulette’s recounting of this that she really cares. However, she does feel it’s sweet you show that respect.”

“I’ll have a word with the boys”—he paused— “again. But it’ll be a stronger word this time.”

I leaned into him and repeated, “I daresay she doesn’t care, Jake. But—”

Jake interrupted me. “They got a job, they do it. Onstage. That doesn’t make them free-for-alls. Back there is their space. They feel safe in it. They decide who they show themselves to, not my boys. She might not give a shit but I do. If my boys who work with them can’t show respect, how do I communicate the customers should?”

“An excellent point,” I stated.

Jake grinned.

I inquired, “Can I ask you a question?”

“You can ask me anything, Slick.”

I nodded again.

Then I wondered if I should do what I was going to do.

I looked into Jake’s eyes that were looking right into mine and thought of all he’d shared with me in a very short period of time. He didn’t hold back. He didn’t hide. He didn’t prevaricate. He wanted me to know him and he set about doing that from the start.

Thus I felt safe in feeling there was nothing between us except what we hadn’t yet gotten around to sharing.

And I was relatively certain (relatively) that he wanted nothing between us.

That said, in making it so nothing was between us, I would have to “handle” it.

And do it wisely.

“Okay, then, as a hypothetical,” I started carefully, held his eyes but licked my lips for a different reason this time, then went on. “Say something happened that I knew you would not like. If that should occur, is it better not to tell you, since I know you wouldn’t like it? Or should I tell you because you’re quite candid and wish for that to be returned?”

When I finished speaking, his bearing had not changed but it had.

Tremendously.

And not in a good way.

Apparently, I wasn’t doing very well in “handling” this.

“What happened?” he asked, his voice terse.

“I’m talking hypothetical,” I reminded him and I was.

I also wasn’t.

“What happened?” he repeated.

“Jake—” I started but got nothing more out.

His fingers disappeared from my waistband and wrapped around my hand. Then I was off the barstool and being dragged though the club.

The door to his office was at the side of the club and he took me directly there. There was a keypad that unlocked the door and when we arrived, without delay, he lifted his finger so he could jab in the numbers.

The keypad screen went green and Jake pushed open the door.

We’d been in there earlier and I’d noted his office was rather roomy and also quite nice. There was a thick rug on the floor with an attractive pattern on it in blues, blacks and beiges but mostly reds. A plush black leather couch against one wall. Midnight blue leather chairs in front of his large but not too large wooden desk.

There weren’t a lot of accoutrements, it was clear he didn’t spend a great deal of time there, and when he did, it was for business only, and thus he didn’t bother with the décor. But he had still made it a nice space.

It was also four steps up so that the large one-way window that faced the club had an elevated view so it would not be obstructed by patrons.

It was further mostly soundproofed. Not entirely, the music could be heard, but once the door closed, it was significantly muted.

This was what happened right then. The door latched behind us, the music was drowned out, and Jake pulled me up the stairs and across the rug to the front of his desk. He positioned me there facing it, and dropped my hand so he could stand in front of me, back to his desk, and cross his arms on his chest.

When he’d done that, he repeated, “What happened?”

“You left our drinks at the bar, Jake,” I told him and I had to admit it was to buy time. He was making me somewhat anxious.

“What…happened?” he again repeated.

I studied him a long moment (buying more time, it must be said) then began, “First, can I just say that Alyssa told me that I shouldn’t—”

Jake interrupted me. “Babe, what works for Alyssa, and I’m guessin’ the way this is goin’, Alyssa and how things are with her and Junior, is not us. We are not Alyssa and Junior. You really fuckin’ aren’t Alyssa. And how I am with you is not what Junior gives Alyssa.”

“But they seem to have a very strong, healthy relationship,” I noted.

“They do. But Alyssa’s got a good family who’s all living, love her like crazy, have her back and always did. Then she got Junior and got a lot more of that. You had Lydie. That’s all you had. Until you got me. But you got me when you lost her. So shit goes down for Alyssa, she’s had a lifetime of having a solid foundation and she can take it. Or she’s got a lot of folks she can go to to give it to if she can’t. You only got me.”

As Alyssa had her points, Jake had his too.

“So, Josie.” He leaned toward me. “What happened?”

“Henry came to Lavender House today and fired me,” I blurted.

Jake blinked.

Then he leaned back, far back, resting his behind against the edge of the desk, clipping out, “That fuckin’ dick.”

“I was going to resign anyway, Jake,” I reminded him.

“That doesn’t make him any less of a dick,” Jake returned and continued, “Fuck him. Sue him. You were gonna resign or not, you gave him no reason to terminate you. No way around it, it’s wrongful dismissal. Take his ass to the cleaners.”

“He’s giving me nearly two years of wages as a severance package,” I explained.

“Go for double that,” Jake shot back.

“It needn’t be any more unpleasant than it already is, darling,” I said gently. “We talked further and although it started hostile, it didn’t end that way. Instead, it was distressing. He cares for me a great deal—”

“If he did, he wouldn’t fire you.”

“Please listen,” I whispered.

Jake clamped his mouth shut.

“We…well, we shared quite a bit and with our history, I assume you can understand that we both missed an opportunity and wasted a good deal of time and obviously coming to that understanding is going to be painful for us both. And now, for Henry, with me moving on, being happy, it’s difficult to take. He’s simply losing me. I’m losing him too, which hurts, but I’m also gaining something else, which makes it easier. He doesn’t have that.”

Jake had nothing to say to that and I decided to take that as agreement he understood.

“So, although the conversation started on a difficult note, it ended on a sorrowful one. I do believe that given some time, we can resurrect a bit of what we had. However, we’ve agreed we won’t be doing that with me in his employ. That would be too hard on both of us.”

“Good,” Jake grunted.

I pressed my lips together and rolled them.

Jake’s eyes narrowed on my mouth then cut to my eyes. “Is there more?”

“Well…” I said and trailed off.

“Fuck me,” Jake muttered then asked sharply, “What?”

“Well, I would…I mean, I think…um, truthfully, I don’t know—”

“Josie, babe, what?” Jake bit out.

“I think he just wanted to see, to try, one last shot but…” I pulled in a deep breath and announced, “He kissed me.”

Jake’s anger filled the room and I watched with some concern as his body, from top to toe, even resting against the desk, went completely still in a very disquieting way.

“What?” he whispered.

“It was really a good-bye kiss,” I shared quickly.

“If it was, you wouldn’t feel the need to tell me,” he retorted then asked, “He get inside?”

I pressed my lips together.

Jake’s brows shot together.

“You let him inside?” he pushed on a sinister whisper.

Perhaps Alyssa was right. At least about this part.

“It was a good-bye, Jake.”

He stared at me.

I stood there and let him.

I didn’t like the look on his face. It frightened me and not because it was frightening. Because it was angry and Jake had told me just the day before that when a man gets hurt, that comes out as angry.

“Jake—”

“Never do that again,” he said quietly.

I swallowed.

“That mouth’s mine,” he went on just as quietly.

I nodded.

“Never again, Josie. Don’t give a shit who it is, what history you got, how intense the situation, how bad you feel for the guy. That mouth is mine.”

I didn’t think it would be sensible to point out that Henry was the only man who I would allow to do that and only in that time, that situation, and never again.

I also thought it sensible to agree.

“Okay, darling,” I whispered.

“Come here,” he ordered.

I felt it prudent to go there and do it immediately.

So I did.

When I did, he separated his legs and leaned in, yanking me between them so my body collided with his and his arms clamped around me.

I tipped my head back to look at him.

“Never keep anything from me, I don’t give a shit how you think I’m gonna react. I’ll react how I react. I will never harm you doin’ it. But I got enough experience with what doesn’t work between a man and a woman to know that keepin’ shit from each other is a big fuckin’ part of that.”

“Okay,” I agreed.

“So, that guy contacts you again, you tell me.”

“Okay,” I repeated.

“Anyone fucks with you, upsets you, whatever, you tell me that too. I don’t give a shit if you think it’s nothing, like someone givin’ you a dirty look at the grocery store that gives you the willies. You fuckin’ tell me.”

“Okay, Jake.”

His arms tightened and he dipped his face close. “Every inch of you, outside and any way you can get inside, baby, physically or emotionally, is mine. You don’t share that. Ever.”

I’d already agreed to that (essentially, he’d added new things) but it was clear he needed further assurances so I again said, “Okay, darling.”

“Alyssa’s a good woman and I know she had your best interests at heart when she advised you, honey. But we gotta find our own way and no way to do that but together. We start drifting apart to figure that shit out, we’re fucked. You with me?”

“I’m with you, Jake.”

When these words came out of my mouth, his arms convulsed and he whispered, “You’re with me.”

I had a feeling his words were profound in more ways than him knowing I understood what he was saying. A significant kind of profound. A kind of profound that changed lives and mended hearts and rocked worlds. And I liked that profound so I melted into him, sliding my hands up his chest.

“Are you angry with me?” I asked.

“No, because you shared that shit. You didn’t and I found out, I would be pissed.”

I nodded, sliding my hands up to his neck, at the same time sliding my body up his and tipping my head back further.

One of his hands slid down to cup my bottom and his eyes dropped to my mouth.

“You gonna take my mind off this shit by kissing me or are you gonna take my mind off this shit by kissing me then letting me fuck you on my desk?” he asked.

I melted further into him because his words made my legs tremble so deeply they no longer were holding me up as I replied breathily, “I’m going to kiss you then let you fuck me on your desk.”

His mouth touched mine and he muttered, “Good answer, Slick.”

I smiled against his lips.

Then I kissed him.

After that, Jake fucked me on his desk.

And much later, when I was back on the stool at the bar, Jake close, only half-listening as he talked to one of his bouncers, I smiled into the fresh martini Adam had made me thinking in the end, Alyssa was right.

I had to learn to handle Jake.

It was just that the way she handled Junior was different than the way I needed to handle Jake.

And she might argue, though I couldn’t imagine how she could, the way I needed to handle Jake was better.

By far.