The Will

Chapter Nineteen Good Answer

“That’s it, baby!” Alyssa shrieked at Junior fighting in the ring. “Mess him up! You know mama likes it like that!”

I grinned at my lap before looking back up to the action.

We were at the arena in Blakeley for the adult league matches and Junior’s opponent this time was a fair sight less talented than he was.

Bryant and Ethan were sitting in the aisle with us, both of whom had bags of Halloween candy they’d brought with them for treats. I was monitoring their consumption as I wanted to see Jake fight, not be in the bathroom with Ethan vomiting. That was unpleasant enough the first time for me to take pains not to let it happen again.

This was difficult as Halloween had been just two nights before and Ethan, Bryant and Joshua had pulled in large hauls, putting a fair amount of effort into it by traipsing from house to house in their Combat Raptor costumes, followed by Jake and me, Jake carrying a flashlight.

We’d hit four neighborhoods. Four large neighborhoods.

Therefore, by the time we were done, I was exhausted. I had just enough in me when we got back to Jake’s to tell Ethan to go easy on his consumption, eat a handful of pumpkin seeds (which were, I found, addicting) and go to bed.

We had a vast amount of seeds because, a few days before Halloween, we’d carved five pumpkins, one for each of us, and put them around Jake’s front door. I was surprised to see in their teenaged coolness that even Conner and Amber got into the carving process.

Then again, I’d learned it was a family tradition that they never missed and enjoyed greatly. I knew this because I found it was highly enjoyable.

I knew it more when Amber declared, “Even when I’m married and have kids of my own, we’re coming to Dad’s to carve pumpkins.”

The “when I’m married and have kids” comment made Jake’s mouth go tight, this making me fight a grin. But in the end, Amber’s sentiment was very sweet and after experiencing pumpkin carving at the Spear household, I understood why she felt this way.

By the way, Jake was a master pumpkin carver. I knew this because he helped Ethan freehand carve a Combat Raptor pumpkin that, if there were such contests, would win an award. I was sure of it.

Conner, Amber and Alexi stayed behind to hand out candy at Jake’s (this Jake arranged, with Conner being a vaguely disguised chaperone) while we took Ethan out.

When we got back, I asked Conner to keep an eye on his brother’s candy consumption and went to bed without Jake for the first time since we started sharing one. Which was to say, unless Jake was at the club, Jake and I went to bed together every night since we started sharing a bed.

Jake joined me later, waking me as he pulled me in his arms and I fell right back to sleep hearing him mutter, “Next year, you’re gonna stay home and hand out candy so you don’t pass out after walkin’ twenty miles watchin’ Ethan get his haul.”

I was just happy there would be a next year.

This was why, I fell right back to sleep.

It was not lost on me that I had sat beside the runways of the most lauded designers of our time. I had traveled to five continents and done it repeatedly. I knew the best place to buy croissant in Paris. I’d eaten pizza at the Antica Pizzeria Port’Alba in Naples. I’d sunbathed on Bondi Beach in Australia. And I’d slept in an actual igloo in Alaska.

But carving pumpkins and roasting pumpkin seeds in Jake’s kitchen were the most fabulous thing I’d ever done.

Bar none.

On this thought, with senses attuned from taking care of two eight year old boys who’d evacuated their stomachs due to overindulgence, even over Alyssa’s shouting and a rabid fighting crowd, I heard a candy wrapper. I looked down to see Ethan opening up a fun-size Snickers.

I leaned into him and said in his ear, “Honey, I know you like your treats but I suspect you’d prefer to ingest that and not re-experience it later, hanging over a toilet bowl. So let’s make that the last one tonight, hmm?”

I pulled slightly away and caught his eyes. They were looking in mine and Eath (such a wonderful child) nodded.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” I said.

He chewed, swallowed and grinned a chocolate, peanut, caramel and nougat grin.

I grinned back.

At this point, Alyssa shot out of her chair, jumped up and down on her strappy, high-heeled sandals and started screeching, “That’s right, baby! Get in there. Don’t let up! Take him down!”

I allowed myself to admire her attractive, albeit brief and tight, red dress before I looked to the ring to see Junior had his opponent up against the ropes and was landing a succession of combinations that his competitor was having difficulties defending against.

Alas, the referee pushed them apart and moved in to assess the condition of Junior’s challenger. The man shook his head side to side to clear it then looked the referee in the eyes and nodded.

The referee let them loose again.

“Stupid ref,” Alyssa groused, plonking herself down in the seat beside me, her eyes never leaving the ring.

The bell rang and since it was only the second round, we had another one to go before Alyssa again shot from her seat, lost her mind, shrieking, clapping and jumping up and down when the referee lifted Junior’s hand.

He smiled down at his wife.

She blew him a kiss that was so exaggerated she came off her feet when she swung her arm wide. Then she turned instantly to the seat, snatched up her purse and coat and her eyes came to me.

She leaned into me and said low, “Right, Operation Tag Team commence. You got Bryant. I get home with my man and get laid. You text when Jake’s done, drop Eath and Bry at our place so you can get laid. Yeah?”

I nodded, enjoying the happy light in my friend’s eyes and trying to ignore the happier feeling between my legs considering what was to come for me.

“Yes,” I agreed.

She lifted her fist, knuckles facing me, something Conner had taught me about a week ago was a “fist bump.” He did this after he did the same to me and I stared at his hand nonplussed for half a minute before he showed me what to do.

Thus, I knew what to do, bumped my fist against hers, and she breathed, “I love fight night.”

I giggled as I encouraged, “Go.”

I needed to give her no further encouragement. She dashed to her son, grabbed either side of her face, gave him a loud kiss right on the mouth, which made him shout, “Euw, Mom!”

She then tousled his hair, looked to Ethan and said, “Later, buddy.”

“Later, Mrs. Harper,” Ethan replied.

Alyssa gave me a finger wave and took off down the aisle.

“Can we get popcorn?” Bryant asked and I looked to him.

“Think hard about your stomach, the fullness of it, the possibility if more was introduced that it may need to purge some to fit the rest and then tell me if you really want popcorn,” I stated.

“What’s purge mean?” he asked.

“Evacuate,” I answered and he grinned.

“What’s evacuate mean?” he asked.

At that, I grinned.

“Empty,” I answered.

“You talk so freakin’ cool,” he replied. “Weird. But cool.”

“Indeed. And you will find, young Bryant, as you grow older that things that are normal are just normal. Anyone can be normal. Thus it’s my experience that most things that are weird are cool.”

“So you sayin’ we should try to be weird, Josie?” Ethan asked, a teasing glint in his eye.

“I’m saying that you shouldn’t try to be anything. You should be you and however you are will be cool unless however that is, is you trying to be like everyone else, which is just normal, which is not cool,” I answered.

“Well, I’ve decided to be a con artist turned FBI consultant like that dude in White Collar. Is that weird and cool enough for you?” Ethan shared his latest plans for his future, that teasing glint still in his eye.

This was a program that Ethan had recently discovered on Netflix. I knew this because he not only told me but he also talked about it all the time. And watched it all the time. And as I was with him a fair amount of that time, I watched it too.

It was an excellent program.

However, a life goal to be a con artist, even a stylish and intelligent one who had a definite flair with wearing a fedora, such as “the dude on White Collar,” was not optimal.

“If you skip past the con artist part, and simply aim to be an FBI agent, yes,” I answered.

He shook his head but did it grinning.

I looked to Bryant and prompted, “Your popcorn assessment?”

“I’m thinkin’ I wanna keep those fifteen Kit Kats in my stomach, Ms. Malone,” Bryant replied.

“Good choice,” I murmured.

We settled in, me examining the crowd, the boys jabbering to each other. We then watched the next fight, Mickey’s, the boys encouraging him rather boisterously to win, and although I didn’t shout, I did clap when Mickey’s arm was lifted.

It was after that I started to get excited.

Because Mickey’s victory heralded the last fight of the night.

Jake’s fight.

As the delay between fights began to feel incessant, I started fidgeting. But when the announcer introduced the fighters, like everyone else, I came out of my seat, clapping, but doing it on legs that were trembling.

I felt my mouth go dry when I saw Jake coming down the aisle. I then felt my heart swell when he stopped at our row, put a gloved hand to Bryant’s head, then Ethan’s.

And I found it took everything to remain standing when his eyes came to me. They heated instantly before they swept me from top to toe. They came back to my face and they were even more heated which made it even more difficult to remain standing.

I had, of course, tricked myself out.

This being that I had my hair down but curled so there seemed more of it.

Much more.

And I had a midnight blue dress on, high collar and halter, which left my shoulders and back totally bare. The dress was almost blousy at the bust but clung rather alluringly everywhere else. It had a slit up the front and came to just below the knee. And last, the midnight blue had an almost elusive wave of burnished silver through it so I also had on my delicate, very strappy and very high-heeled silver sandals.

It would seem Jake appreciated my efforts.

Very much so.

And I appreciated his appreciation.

Very much so.

Finally, he released my eyes, which he was holding captive, and went to the ring.

I thankfully sank into my seat.

But the fidgeting had not stopped.

No, because shortly after, the fight started.

Jake did not knock his opponent out in the first round this time. It went all three. Which was sheer torture for I was very ready for it to be over when it was finally over since watching Jake fight meant I was ready for it to be over about one minute into round one.

But one could not say that watching him box, the brute force, the focus, his muscles moving, his body shifting, his utter command of not only the fight, not only the ring, but the entire arena, was a sight to behold.

Even so, I was beyond thrilled when his hand was lifted at the end. I again rose from my seat, shooting from it this time, clapping fast and hard, smiling wide.

Jake gave the boys a smile and me a wink as he walked back up the aisle and hurriedly I turned to Ethan and Bryant.

“All right, boys. Get your things. Check around to make sure you didn’t forget anything. Let’s go,” I urged.

They did as told. I slid on my coat and grabbed my bag. When we were ready, I herded them up the aisle and to the door to the locker rooms.

The same security man was there and he smiled at me when I approached with the boys.

“Same room, babe,” he told me.

I nodded and ushered the boys through the door. We hurried down the hall to Jake’s door but this time, I knocked.

“Yo!” we heard from the other side.

Ethan charged in, followed by Bryant, and I came up the rear.

I felt a rush of wet between my legs when I saw Jake in the same position as last time, sitting on the table in his trunks, his friend and trainer, Bert, standing in front of him.

“Dad! You killed it!” Ethan shouted, rushing up to his father to give him a hug.

Jake jumped off the table to get it and hugged him back. When they separated, he looked down to his son. “Like that?”

“Heck yeah!” Ethan yelled.

“You’re the master, Mr. Spear,” Bryant told him.

“Thanks, Bry,” Jake murmured on a grin to Bryant then he came to me.

He got close, slid an arm around my waist and put his mouth to my ear.

“Love my kid, babe, you know it. But get him and his bud in the car, dump them on Alyssa and meet me at your place. Fast.”

He had his gloves off but, as I mentioned, he was still only in his trunks. Thus, as he was speaking, I had a view of his shoulder, which, when he leaned back, became a view of his slick chest.

My eyes lifted to his, and suddenly incapable of speech, I nodded.

His eyes dropped to my dress then came back to my face.

“Fast,” he ordered, his voice low.

“Okay, darling,” I forced out.

He dropped his arm and moved away. I turned my eyes to Bert.

“Hello, Bert,” I greeted.

“Good to see you, Josie,” he replied.

I felt that did well enough for the niceties so I clapped my hands and said, “Right, boys. Let’s go. Time to hit the Cayenne.”

Ethan looked to me. “I dig the Cayenne, Josie, but we wanna ride with Dad.”

“Got stuff to do here, bud. It’s gettin’ late. Go with Josie,” Jake replied.

“But—” Ethan started.

“Bud. Josie,” Jake stated firmly.

Ethan held his eyes then looked to his feet and muttered, “All right.”

I put a hand to Ethan’s shoulder and started herding him and Bryant again, calling my farewell, “I’ll see you at the gym sometime, Bert.”

“Yeah, Josie,” Bert replied.

I looked to Jake. “Later, darling.”

He looked to me and firmly in a way that was not a farewell but a promise, he said, “Later.”

That got a thigh quiver that was very strong so I had to force myself to focus on getting the boys to my car.

I texted Alyssa after I started up the Cayenne and then I took the boys to her house.

Alyssa, in a robe with very mussed hair, answered the door and accepted delivery, but she did this with a sated smile and a lascivious wink.

I winked back (mine probably not lascivious), moved quickly back to my car and drove carefully, but swiftly, to Lavender House.

Jake’s truck was in the lane and I could see lights coming from the windows at either side of the front door.

I got out of the Cayenne and hurried to door.

It opened before I got there.

Seeing it open, in my excitement, I stumbled, but Jake’s arm shot out and caught me around the waist, pulling me forward so I collided with his body. He kept me pressed there as he dragged me into the house, slammed the door and locked it. He then shifted me to the side and pressed me against the wall.

Oh my.

I tilted my head back just in time, for the instant I did, his lips were against mine.

His hands came to my coat and yanked it down my arms.

I dropped my bag and the coat fell to the floor.

“Panties, babe.”

A shiver slid through my entire body.

Jake helped, yanking up my skirt.

I pulled down my panties and they dropped to my ankles.

Jake lifted me free from them and pressed me against the wall at the same time his lips against mine opened.

Sliding my arms around his shoulders, curling my legs around his hips, I reciprocated the gesture and his tongue slid inside.

Having waited for what seemed like years since he walked down the aisle of the arena in his boxing robe, I was so ready for the taste of him, when I got it, I whimpered into his mouth.

One of his hands left my behind and slid through the damp between my legs.

When it did, his lips glided to my ear and his fingers slid from between my legs to go to his training pants.

“My woman gets off on watchin’ her man fight,” he murmured in my ear.

“Yes,” I whispered.

I felt the tip of him, caught my breath, and then he was inside.

“Yes,” I breathed.

“So wet,” he groaned.

“Yes.”

“Fuck yes.”

I held on as Jake pounded inside me, running my nose along his jaw, my lips along his neck, my tongue around his ear.

Jake grunted.

I whimpered.

Jake clenched his fingers into the cheek of my bottom, tilting my hips and he thrust harder.

I moaned.

Jake caught my mouth with his and kissed me rough and deep.

I curled my legs tighter around his hips, slid a hand in his hair and wrapped the other one around the back of his neck, gripping hard.

Jake drove in faster.

It built and I knew it was going to explode so I broke our kiss and whispered against his lips, “Darling.”

“Yeah.”

“Jake.”

“Fuck yeah, baby.”

My lips parted, and as the deliciousness of the orgasm he gave me overwhelmed me, I felt his tongue trace my bottom lip, this making it all the more delicious.

Then his tongue was back inside as he slammed into me, pounding me into the wall.

I kept holding him close, clenching him tight with everything I had, feeling everything he gave me, everything he was giving me, loving every sensation, until he broke the kiss, shoved his face in my neck and thrust deep through a long, beautiful groan.

He held me against the wall, keeping me close, stayed inside as he breathed heavily against my neck and I held on.

Finally, I turned my lips to his ear and whispered, “I love fight night.”

At hearing that, Jake lifted his head, caught my eyes, his still heated, but satiated and happy, his most beautiful look of all, and he smiled.

* * * * *

“She was bullied.”

It was the next morning and I was pushing a cart through the grocery store, Amber at my side. We were preparing for the feeding frenzy that was Sunday in front of football.

And we were talking about Conner’s still unsuccessful, but thankfully undeterred, pursuit of Sofie.

However, this had gone on so long I was getting concerned.

Sofie liked Conner that was clear. Conner liked Sofie and that was abundantly clear because he was pulling out all the stops to make it that way. Alyssa was all for the duo and she’d been making that clear. Junior was not all for it, but like Jake, he was resigned to the fact his daughter would eventually date.

Further, Alyssa told me Junior was beginning to get concerned that she was sixteen and had never been out with a boy. Although Conner had a reputation, he was Jake’s son. Junior knew him to be as a seventeen year-old boy with a girl in his sights, but he also knew Jake and Conner very well. Therefore, unlike the dire predictions when we first became aware that Conner was interested in Junior’s daughter, even if he wasn’t all for it, he wasn’t avidly opposing it.

So, in the end, the only obstacle to Sofie and Conner being a Sofie and Conner was Sofie.

And thus, Alyssa was getting concerned. As was I.

I stopped pushing the cart and looked down to Amber. “Pardon?”

“Sof,” Amber replied. “Back in Junior High, she was bullied and it was pretty bad.”

I stared at her, not believing this.

Sofie was very sweet, very pretty, quite intelligent, had a lovely figure and a sense of style that was cute and girlie and very becoming.

She also, apparently, had great talent as a singer. I was much looking forward to the high school Christmas concert during which she was to have two solos. This was unheard of as Alyssa told me the choir director tried to hand out solos with a fair hand in order to give as many of his students as possible the opportunity to shine.

But Sofie was that good.

What on earth was there to bully her about?

“How was Sofie bullied?” I asked and Amber shrugged.

“It was Mia and her crew,” she answered and I felt my mouth get tight at the mention of Mia. “Everyone knows Mia for the bitch she is now, and sorry Josie, but no other way to say it. Mia’s a bitch.”

As much as it pained me to agree on this fact about a high school girl, I couldn’t help but do it. Though I decided to do it silently by not rebuking Amber for her language.

Amber kept speaking.

“But Mia was top dog and had been a long time before what happened with Con. And Sofie is really cute. Back then, all the guys were waking up to girls and they way woke up to Sofie. Mia didn’t like that.”

“Indeed,” I said, suspecting this to be very true.

“But it was more,’ Amber went on. “Mr. Harper was out of work and money was tight and Mia’s dad’s got a good job so they have a nice house and she had all the cool clothes and Sofie…” She shook her head. “Well, they didn’t have a lot and she wore that fact on her body. Mia made fun of her ‘cause she got her clothes at TJ Maxx and stuff. It sounds stupid. TJ Maxx stuff is great and I find a lot of cool things there. But that kind of thing, especially the way Mia and her girls ganged up on her, can really hurt.”

It most certainly could.

“Is that when she became shy?” I queried.

Amber screwed her mouth up for a moment, thinking on this, and then said, “She was always quiet but yeah. That’s when it got worse.”

“Does Conner know this?” I continued.

“He’s a grade ahead of her in school and a guy so I’m guessing he didn’t pay a lot of attention back then to how Mia targeted her prey and shredded them. If he did, he wouldn’t have asked Mia out. Con’s not big on that crap.”

This was also likely true.

“Anyway,” she carried on. “By then, it was ancient history, except for Sofie.”

“Hmm,” I mumbled, turning my attention back to the cart and moving it along, wondering how this information could be imparted not only on Conner so that he could revise his strategy, but on Alyssa so that she could see to her daughter’s state of mind.

Suddenly, something occurred to me and I stopped.

I looked back to Amber and asked quietly, “Did Mia bully you?”

She held my eyes, shook her head and said, “No. Seein’ as Con’s my brother and she always had her sights set on him like all the girls do. She knew she shouldn’t do that because we Spears might fight amongst ourselves but no one outside hands us any crap.”

At least this was good.

But…

“Did anyone else bully you?” I pressed gently.

“Kids can suck,” she said by way of affirmative.

“Honey,” I whispered, now understanding her attitude when we first met.

“It’s not like that anymore,” she told me, beginning to look uncomfortable.

I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable but I couldn’t quite leave the topic.

Not yet.

I had one more thing to say.

And I got close to say it, reaching out my hand to take hers and hold tight.

“If something like that ever happens again, or you have anything that’s preying on your mind that you wish to discuss, I’m here. If it’s a danger to you emotionally, I may need to speak with you about sharing it with your father. But if it’s girl things and you need to talk with someone who has moved beyond it and survived, please consider talking about it with me.”

She was staring into my eyes, hers looking somewhat startled but amidst that there was something profoundly beautiful in the way she was gazing at me. Something I was memorizing, it was just that precious. And as I was memorizing it, a voice we both knew very well came our way.

“Uh, can I talk to my daughter?”

I tensed.

Amber tensed.

And both of us looked to Donna.

Donna was looking at our clasped hands.

Oh dear.

I was deciding to drive the extra half an hour to the grocery store in Wells to avoid running into Donna when Donna shifted her gaze to me and asked, “Do you mind?”

“I don’t but it’s up to Amber,” I replied, my heart beating harder in my chest as I felt Amber’s hand curl tighter around mine.

“Nothing to say,” Amber put in and Donna looked to her daughter.

“Just two seconds, sweetie, please?” Donna asked.

“No,” Amber answered.

Donna sidled closer. “You aren’t taking my calls and I have something important to tell you.”

“I’m not taking your calls because I don’t need to,” Amber returned. “See, I figure, I haven’t had a mom in a long time, like, you know, she’s been dead or something. So, I figure, when Dad marries Josie, she can just adopt me legal-like and then I’ll get a real mom. You know, like I never had.”

This attack was so brutal, the blow landing full force, I could see the impact on Donna’s face.

Thus, I squeezed her hand and whispered, “Amber.”

She let me go, pushed in front of me and grabbed the cart, shoving it forward. “We gotta get this done or Eath is gonna have a tizzy. His breakfast probably wore off an hour ago.”

This was surely the truth but as much as I didn’t enjoy being in Donna’s company, or Amber being in it when she didn’t like it, I couldn’t leave it where it was.

“I think perhaps we should all go get a coffee,” I suggested.

Amber stopped and looked back at me, her face set, her eyes flashing. “No freaking way.”

“That’s okay,” Donna’s voice was a squeak and when I looked to her I knew this was due to her struggling to hold back her emotion. “I’ll, uh…I’ll just…” she trailed off, looking around and I knew she was going to flee.

Which meant then she was going to flee.

I turned my gaze to Amber. “Sweetheart, take care of the list. I’m going to have a word with your mother. I’ll meet you at the checkout.”

“Works for me,” Amber said readily and sauntered off, pushing the cart like she didn’t have a care in the world.

I looked back to Donna and invited, “Perhaps we should go outside.”

She stared at me and I knew she wanted to say no. But it was obvious she was so wounded she could do nothing but nod.

We moved outside the store and down the walk in front of it to be away from the doors.

Only then did I speak.

“Are you leaving Magdalene?” I asked.

She blinked.

“It is a small town, Donna,” I reminded her.

“I…well…Anderson offered me a raise to get me to stay but there’s a job in Boston that pays more and—”

I cut her off. “You cannot leave town.”

She stared at me.

“Jake doesn’t want you to leave,” I shared and her mouth dropped open. “He wants the mother of his children to be a mother to his children. Although it probably matters not to you, I don’t wish for you to leave either, for the same reason. Your children, alas, likely won’t let it show that they care one way or another. But I can assure you, what they let show and what they feel will not be the same things. You have essentially abandoned them. If you do this in an official capacity, it will wound them in a way they will never forget their whole lives and that way will be a way where it will never heal.”

“But she hates me,” Donna whispered.

“She has a right to that emotion,” I told her truthfully. “And you have the capacity to turn that emotion around. She’s angry and it will not be an easy fight. But it’ll be worth every blow she lands in order to succeed.”

She shook her head before she asked, “How do I even start to do that?”

“You start by taking that raise and not leaving town,” I answered. “Then you start by just starting.”

“People think—” she began.

“Your ex-husband runs a gentleman’s club to provide for his family,” I interrupted her to point out. “Do you think it matters what people think when it comes to your children?”

She shut her mouth.

“Call her and ask her if she’d like to go shopping. If she refuses, ask her to a movie. Call Conner and ask him to dinner and request he brings his sister. If they refuse, keep calling. Text to let them know you’re thinking of them. Ask them to spend the night at your house. Buy them things to bribe them into paying at least scant attention to you. It doesn’t matter what you do, what tactic you use, you’re fighting to win back your children. Do it. Use it. Grovel. Beg. Apologize. Show them every way you can think of that they mean something to you. I cannot guarantee that any of that will break through. The only thing I know is that they’re worth the effort.”

“Do you have kids of your own?” she asked and I couldn’t help but feel the sting of the question even though, from the look on her face, it wasn’t meant to bite.

“No.”

“Then how do you—?”

“Because my mother left me to a monster,” I told her bluntly and watched her eyes grow wide. “She saved herself and never looked back. I haven’t heard a word from her in thirty-five years. But I not only needed her to protect me from my father, I just needed her.”

She pressed her lips together and the way she did, I decided I’d done all I could do.

Therefore, I said, “The decision is yours. But I hope you make the right one. Have a lovely Sunday, Donna.”

I turned and started to walk away but I heard her call my name so I turned back.

Donna asked the instant I did, “Is Lucky Brand still her favorite store?”

Relief swept through me and I nodded, adding a, “Yes, Donna. It is. She also finds things she likes at Anthropologie. Further, she often finds things at Buckle.”

Donna nodded quickly.

I held her eyes and said with feeling, “Good luck, Donna.”

Her voice was hesitant and croaky when she replied, “Thank you, Josie.”

She gave me a wave I didn’t return for she’d turned and started walking away.

I found Amber standing in the checkout line.

The instant I stopped close, she asked, “Did you tell her to vanish?”

“No, my lovely, I did not,” I said gently.

“She doesn’t give a crap about us, Josie.”

“We shall see.”

She turned a set face to the line, doing it murmuring, “Yeah, we will.”

I sighed.

Amber was quiet all the way to Jake’s and after she helped me get the bags in, she went directly to and up the stairs, undoubtedly seeking the sanctuary of her room.

This meant she was calling one of the Taylors or Alexi, who was, according to boy Taylor, a good listener.

Alas, I also knew from boy Taylor that he was a good kisser.

I was glad to know the first.

I wished I did not know the last.

“What gives with that?” Jake asked from close to my back.

I turned and looked up at him. “Are the boys involved with the game?”

“Oh shit,” he said as his reply.

I put a hand to his chest. “Are the boys involved with the game, darling?”

“Yeah,” he answered, watching me closely.

“Then I’ll share in the kitchen.”

This I did while emptying a bag of Ruffles in a bowl and watching with some interest mingled with trepidation as Jake spooned an entire container of sour cream into another bowl before he emptied a packet of instant soup into it and stirred it to blend.

When I was done telling my tale of grocery store woe, he didn’t look happy, he didn’t look angry.

He just looked concerned.

“We gotta keep our eye on that,” he told me.

“Agreed,” I replied. Then to take his mind off this, I asked, “What’s in that bowl?”

His eyes came to me. “Onion dip.”

I pressed my lips together.

He grinned before saying, “You’re gonna love it, babe.”

“Is there anything you serve your children that isn’t mixed from an envelope, unearthed from a box or heated from a jar?”

“Yeah. When you cook.”

I rolled my eyes.

By the time I rolled them back, Jake had his fingers wrapped around the side of my neck and the bowl in his other hand.

“Ethan’s bitchin’, need to feed my boy,” he told me.

“Then let’s not delay in going to the family room so you can continue your quest to preserve your children’s bodies through chemicals.”

Jake burst out laughing.

I allowed myself a moment to watch, my lips curved up, then I grabbed the bowl of chips.

* * * * *

Jake’s arm around my belly gave me a squeeze as he nuzzled his face into the back of my hair.

I closed my eyes, stretching my arms out in front of me even as I pressed my hips back. In return, Jake shifted his hips upward, gliding his cock deeper inside me.

We’d both just come, Jake making love to me spooning. This was after Monday morning mayhem at his house, Jake going to the gym to open up, me taking Ethan to school, both of us returning in order to enjoy a mid-morning session in Jake’s bed.

His hand slid up and cupped my breast, his thumb stroking the side as he asked, “You gonna take a nap?”

“You aren’t?” I asked back.

“Got a guy comin’ in for training. Unfortunately, gotta hit it.”

“Mm,” I mumbled, settling further back into him.

“Jesus,” he growled, pressing deeper into me as his hand tightened at my breast. “You make leavin’ hard.”

“I suppose there are things to do,” I gave in.

“Yeah. And for me, one of them was my woman. Did that. Gotta get my ass in gear.”

I grinned at his words as Jake lifted up, kissed my shoulder and pulled gently out. Then he shifted in a way I knew what he wanted. So as he rolled back, I rolled toward him, lifted my head and looked into his eyes.

Now a deep blue.

Phenomenal.

I loved his eyes.

I loved his hair.

I loved the scar on his cheek.

I loved the power of his body.

I loved his warmth.

I loved the feel of him still between my legs.

I just loved him.

“Fuck,” he whispered and my thoughts moved from loving Jake Spear to the actual Jake lying in bed with me.

“What?” I whispered back.

His hand came up to cup my jaw and he answered, “You make leaving hard.”

“I wasn’t doing anything, Jake.”

“You were lookin’ at me thinkin’ somethin’, Slick, and whatever it was you were thinking makes leaving you hard.”

I drew in breath.

He lifted up, touched his mouth to mine and left it there, his eyes peering into mine when he said, “Lucky I know I get to come back.”

“Yes,” I said softly. “That makes me lucky too.”

His eyes smiled and it was warmer and deeper than his usual smile, which meant I enjoyed it more than I usually did before he brushed his nose against mine and moved away.

I watched him exit the bed and stroll to the bathroom, pulling up the sheet and informing his back, “I’m going to laze for a bit.”

“Have at it,” he called.

I had at it and was still where he left me when he came back, dressed in workout clothes. He put his hands in the bed, leaned deep and kissed me.

“I’ll see you tonight,” he said when he pulled away.

“You certainly will,” I replied.

Another smile in his eyes before he lifted up, kissed my temple and I watched him walk out of the room.

It was then I smiled to myself and curled my arms around his pillow.

Five minutes after that, I remembered I had a lunch date with Alyssa and I needed to get back to Lavender House to repack my bag as all the clothes I’d brought were dirty. There was also laundry to do. And I needed to make certain we had what we needed for dinner that night.

Which meant I needed to get a move on.

I pulled myself out of bed, gathered my clothes from the floor and went about getting ready to take on the day (again).

But when I was done and as I was walking to the stairs, something caught my eye.

I turned to look into Jake’s office and stopped dead.

On his desk was a framed photo of me.

I shook my head, staring at it.

I knew that photo. Henry had taken it several years ago. We were on the beach in Cannes. The photo shoot had been completed the day before. Henry had decided we were going to stay an extra couple of days to unwind. We’d been walking on the beach and Henry had been making me laugh.

It was a good memory, now a bittersweet one.

Why on earth did Jake have that photo?

I moved into the room, thoughts and questions overtaking my brain.

As Henry gave that photo to Gran, Gran must have given it to Jake.

But why?

And I had not been in Jake’s office frequently, but I’d been in it more than once and never saw that picture displayed. In fact, the top right drawer of his desk, which was never open, was now open.

Had the picture come from there?

And if it had, why did he keep it in a drawer?

I was thinking that maybe he forgot he had it for whatever reason Gran gave it to him. One of the many things she did regarding Jake the last seven years that I was unclear about but stopped concerning myself with for the end results could not be argued.

On that thought, I stopped dead as my throat closed when I saw the pile of envelopes bound by a blue ribbon sitting in the drawer.

“Oh my God,” I whispered, the words sounding strangled as I stared at those envelopes.

I knew what they were. I’d seen them on Gran’s desk often enough over the last twenty years.

And Jake had them in a drawer in his desk with a photo of me.

Why?

Why did he have them?

Gran had to have given them to him but why would she do that?

And why wouldn’t he tell me he had them?

Why?

I reached out a hand slowly and curled my fingers around the pile. Something vastly unpleasant washed through me as I encountered the paper and lifted them out of the drawer, thus proving they were real. They were there.

My whole history. My whole life.

In letters.

In Jake’s desk.

Gran hadn’t told Jake about me and Gran hadn’t given me to him in her will.

She’d already given me to him. Completely.

But she didn’t tell me.

And neither did he.

“Babe, forgot my wallet,” Jake called from close and I turned woodenly to face the door.

I saw him make the landing and I also saw him turn his head, see me, see what I held in my hand, and stop dead.

And I knew by the look on his face that the picture, those letters, they had not been something he’d forgotten he had and therefore forgot to tell me he had them.

No, they were something he was hiding.

Honest, real, lay-it-out Jake Spear who gave me everything had a secret he’d been keeping.

From me.

He started into the room, his eyes locked to mine, and began, “Slick—”

I lifted the letters slightly and cut him off to ask, “Did Gran give these to you?”

He stopped an unusual distance away, which was to say any distance at all, and responded very unsuitably.

“What were you doin’ in my desk, baby?”

“Did Gran give these to you?” I repeated.

He didn’t answer. He reiterated his question.

“What were you doin’ in that desk, Josie?”

“It was open. The picture out.” I moved to the side to expose the picture. “It caught my eye, as it would, seeing as it’s of me and it’s Gran’s and I didn’t know you had it.”

Jake looked from the picture to me. “The picture was out?”

“Jake,” I said steadily, although I didn’t know how I managed it since everything else about me was trembling. “The picture being out is not the issue. Did Gran give you that photo? These letters?” I lifted the letters up again.

His eyes again locked on mine and he finally answered, “Yes.”

My heart squeezed.

“Did you read them?” I asked.

“Baby—”

My voice was sharper when I asked, “Did you read them, Jake?”

“Yes.”

I looked down to the letters then up to him. “How many times?”

“Honey, it doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me,” I returned. “How many times?”

“You know Lydie told me about you,” he pointed out.

I kept hold of the letters but dropped my hand, agreeing, “I know she told you about me. Told you, Jake. I had no idea she shared my private letters with you. Why would she do that? And why would you read them?”

“Because she gave them to me.”

“But they were”—I leaned toward him—“private.”

He stared into my eyes but said nothing.

So I asked, “When did she give them to you?”

“A while ago.”

“How long of a while ago?”

He took a step toward me, saying, “Josie—”

But I stepped back.

He stopped and I snapped, “How long of a while ago?”

I saw his jaw clench before he answered, “Five, six years.”

I stared at him, my heart squeezing harder.

“Five or six years?” I whispered.

“Yeah, baby. Now—”

I lifted up the bundle again. “You’ve known this much about me, everything, laid bare to you by my own hand, through my grandmother’s betrayal for five or six years?”

His entire body got still as he said, “Lydie didn’t betray you.”

That was when it happened.

It broke.

Or I broke.

And I did this by throwing the bundle violently against the wall and shouting, “She fucking did!” He moved again to me but I retreated then skirted him and when he didn’t stop, I warned, “Jake, you get fucking near me, I swear to God, I’ll leave and you’ll never see me again.”

Instantly, he stopped.

In any other frame of mind, I would have found that unbearably sweet.

In my current frame of mind, I found it the same but not in a good way.

“Why didn’t Gran introduce you to me?” I asked.

“Josie, we went through this,” he told me.

“We did and it didn’t make sense. And you know what, Jake? None of it does. None of it ever did. She was tight with you, the kids. She loved you. She spent a lot of time with you. She opened her home to you. She opened her heart to you. She told you about her and she told you about me. She gave you everything. So how in God’s name have I not met you?”

“We can’t know why she did it now, honey. She’s gone.”

“No,” I agreed quickly. “We can’t. Just as we can’t know why she would meet a man and share not only all of her deepest darkest secrets but also mine.”

“Slick, just take a breath and—”

“I’m not going to take a fucking breath, Jake,” I bit out. “Do you not find that strange? Utterly bizarre? Why would anyone do that?”

“We can’t know—”

“I bet we can,” I hissed, leaning back and crossing my arms on my chest. “So, tell me, she gave you those letters, what did she say, Jake? ‘Here, take these. Some bedtime reading to put you to sleep.’ Is that what she said?”

Jake didn’t reply.

He didn’t reply.

Jake, who laid it all out about everything, didn’t reply.

Oh God, he was absolutely hiding something.

“She gave me to you before she gave me to you,” I told him something he well knew. “You had me in your house.” I motioned to the picture and then to the letters. “All of me. Every thought. Every secret. All of me that should be mine to give.”

“Would you have given it?” he asked gently.

“I would have liked to have had the option,” I shot back.

“Would you have given it, Josie?” he pressed, still going gently.

“Maybe not,” I conceded sharply. “But even so, if she had some grand scheme, as she had to have had seeing as the evidence is clear.” I swiped the room with my arm. “Perhaps you could have shared it with me as she obviously shared it with you. Doing this, I don’t know, maybe one of the times I wondered out loud why on earth she did the things she did. Telling me, I don’t know, just how much you actually knew about me and that you had everything.”

“Babe, it happened and we are where we are now. Why does it matter?”

That was the wrong answer.

“Because I’m asking questions I think are important and the only person in this room who has the answers isn’t giving them to me,” I retorted.

He said nothing.

Nothing.

Just held my eyes and said nothing.

Why?

“Why won’t you tell me?” I asked.

“Because it doesn’t matter,” he answered.

“It does to me.”

He again said nothing.

And, again, why?

“You’re keeping something from me,” I whispered.

“Baby, you got all of me.”

“No, you have all of me,” I returned. “There’s something of you that you’re keeping from me.”

“Can we please let this go and move on?” he requested.

“Whether you agree or not, Jake, the extent of her sharing meant my grandmother betrayed me,” I informed him. “To you. And in the time we’ve spent together, the things we’ve shared, you not telling me the extent of it is, by extension, a betrayal too. So, no. We can’t move on from this until you explain to me what precisely you and Gran had been up to in regards to me for the last five or six years.”

“What matters to you is important to me, honey. Straight up, bottom of my heart, it is. Believe that. But I gotta tell you, it’s important to me that you let this go.”

“How would you feel, someone you didn’t know knew every word written on your soul for years and then they become important to you and they don’t share that with you and won’t tell you why? How would that make you feel, Jake?”

“I’ll say what you have to know, that both Lydie and I had your best interests at heart.”

“Really?” I asked, throwing out my arms. “Because if you did, I would have met you five or six years ago instead of you and your children being kept from me.”

At that, he flinched.

Oh God.

Why?

“Jake—”

“Let it go.”

“Jake!”

“God damn it!” he suddenly shouted, leaned into me and roared, “Fuckin’ let it go!”

I took a step back.

Jake scowled at me.

“You know when my father threw my diary at me and gave me a black eye,” I whispered.

“Let it go, babe,” he ground out.

“You know when I got my period.”

“Let it go.”

“You know when I lost my virginity.”

“Jesus, fuckin’ let…it…go.”

“You got to share your life with me in your truck. Over dinner. In bed. I didn’t get that luxury, Jake. Why?”

“Josie, for fuck’s sake—”

“Why?” I shrieked.

“Let it go!” he thundered back.

“No,” I whispered and watched him wince even as his jaw got hard. “Tell me, Jake.”

“No,” he returned.

We stood there, silent, staring at each other and we did this a long time.

It was me who broke the silence.

“How can this be?”

Jake didn’t respond so I kept on.

“How is it that we were as close as two people could get half an hour ago and now we’re done?”

I watched Jake’s body jerk. “We’re not done.”

I didn’t reply to that.

I asked, “How could she do this to me?”

“She didn’t do anything to you, Josie, except give you your dream.”

Oh yes.

He’d know about that too.

He knew exactly what he was doing.

“Own her, no,” he’d said at the reading of the will. “Do precisely what Lydie wanted me to do with her, yes.”

Yes, he knew exactly.

“I know you’d know that,” I said quietly, my voice awful and I knew Jake heard it because his jaw again went hard but his eyes went warm and alarmed. “I know you’ve read that. You know what I don’t know?”

He didn’t answer.

So I kept speaking.

“What the foundation of my love for a man is based on. And I don’t know that because he won’t tell me.”

His face changed, softened and he said, “You love me.”

“Yes,” I confirmed.

His face softened more and his voice was utterly beautiful when he went on, “Baby, I love you too.”

“Not enough.”

His body again jerked.

I walked out of the room.

Jake followed me.

I went directly to my bag and when he put a hand on my arm, I yanked it free and took a step back.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Josie, dammit—”

“I’ll ask that I can speak to the kids at some point to explain why I have to sell Lavender House and leave.”

He took a step toward me, his body alert, his eyes back to alarmed. “What the fuck?”

“We’re done.”

“We are not done.”

“We are, Jake.”

“We fuckin’ aren’t, Josie.”

I locked eyes with him and declared, “We very much are.”

“Jesus, do not do this shit. Trust me, it’s not worth it.”

“I think it’s me who gets to make that determination and as I don’t have all the facts, I can’t make it. I can only make a decision. And I’m doing that.”

“You’re throwing away everything for nothing.”

“Again, I can’t know that.”

He leaned back and crossed his arms on his chest. “Fuck, you’re stubborn.”

I moved to my bag and hefted it up, settling the strap on my shoulder.

I then squared off with him again.

“Do not mistake this for a tiff. This is not a tiff. This isn’t something you can bide your time and wear me down to coming around to your way of thinking. This is it.”

He shook his head, studying me closely.

“I don’t understand if it’s gettin’ too real for you, you’re lookin’ for reasons to put your disguise back on so you don’t have to live your life and if that’s the case, the question would be why. Why, when we got somethin’ this good, would you walk away for somethin’ that means nothing?”

“If you need to ask that question then you didn’t pay very much attention to the letter where I told Gran about my dream,” I replied and I walked away.

I did not cry. Not when I grabbed my purse and coat and hurried out to the garage.

I did not cry when I took the opener Jake gave me and put it on the workbench.

I did not cry on the drive back to Lavender House. Nor did I cry when I called the locksmith to have him come and change the locks and do it with urgency.

I only cried once that was all done, I was locked in and up in the light room.

I didn’t feel safe there. Not anymore.

I wasn’t safe anywhere, since Gran had betrayed me.

But it was as good a place as any.

* * * * *

That afternoon, Jake stopped at the door to Ethan’s room and looked in at his son who had a controller in his hand and was playing some video game on his Xbox.

“Yo,” Jake called.

“Yo, Dad,” Ethan answered, not looking away from the TV.

“Bud, I got a question,” Jake told him.

“Yeah?”

Jake took in a deep breath and asked, “You been in my office?”

“What?”

“My office, Eath. You get in my desk?”

That got him a glance from his son that included a proud grin before he looked back to his game and answered, “Yeah. Totally. Picked the lock with one of Amber’s bobby pin thingies. It was awesome. Bryant’s been tryin’ to pick locks for ages and he hasn’t got close. I win.” He gave his father another brief glance before he stated, “That picture of Josie is cool. You should put it in the living room.”

Jake took in another calming breath.

It wasn’t his son that fucked up. It was him that fucked up.

Even so.

“Bud, pause the game a sec, yeah?”

Ethan must have registered his tone because he didn’t delay in pausing the game and looking to his dad.

“Just need you to know somethin’,” Jake said quietly. “We got a lot of people in this house and Amber, Con or me, we might have things that we want to keep private. One day, you might have things like that too. You gotta respect that, Eath, because it’s the right thing to do and because you’ll want that returned to you.”

Ethan’s face had changed in a way Jake didn’t like and he’d know why when Eath asked, “Did I screw up?”

“No,” Jake lied.

Then again, Ethan didn’t screw up.

Jake did.

Ethan’s face was even worse when he asked, “Is what I did why Josie didn’t pick me up from school today?”

“No, bud,” Jake said firmly.

Another lie.

Fuck.

“Just want you to be cool about that kind of thing,” he went on. “You get me?”

“Yeah, Dad.”

“Thanks, Eath,” Jake muttered. “You can go back to your game,” he told him before turning to walk away.

Ethan caught him by calling his name and Jake turned back.

“Where is Josie?” he asked, watching his father closely.

“She’s got some shit to do.” Probably not a lie. “She’ll be back, son.” Fuck, he hoped that wasn’t a lie.

Ethan studied him a moment before he murmured, “Cool,” and turned back to the game.

Jake walked away from his door thinking things were not cool. Not by a long shot.

Fuck, he’d fucked up.

And he had to fix it.

But he figured Josie needed time.

She had the night.

Then, tomorrow, he’d go to his woman and he hoped like fuck he could make things “cool.”

* * * * *

The next morning, Jake heard high-heeled shoes on his wood floors in the gym and his head whipped around just as his heart thumped in his chest.

He straightened away from his desk, clenching his teeth when he saw Alyssa.

No.

Strike that.

He saw Alyssa fit to be tied.

She made a beeline to his office, her eyes never leaving him, his never leaving her and the instant she cleared the door, he stated, “Alyssa, don’t got the time.”

She slammed the door, crossed her arms on her chest and returned, “Make the time.”

“Woman—” he started but she cut him off.

“Josie stood me up for lunch yesterday.”

Jake sighed, leaned against his desk and curled his fingers around the edge of it.

But he said nothing.

“Called her all day. Finally got through to her late last night. She said things have changed. She’s putting Lavender House on the market. Takin’ some job with some designer in New York City and leavin’ the first chance she gets.”

His heart again thumped in his chest. This time so hard it fucking hurt.

“What happened?” she asked.

He finally spoke. “See you think Josie made this your business. But it isn’t.”

“You’re wrong. She’s my friend. She’s a good friend. I care. And outside of her grandmother, you’re the only good thing she’s had in her life and she knows it. Now she’s leaving?” she asked then went on before she got an answer. “Why?”

“I’m gonna sort it out,” he assured her.

“Well, hurry, Jake,” she shot back. “Because she didn’t sound right. She sounded all cold and haughty and she’s got that uppity thing workin’ for her in her way but this wasn’t that. She was cold as fucking ice.”

That was not good.

Fuck.

Alyssa was not done.

“You’ve had three women slip through your fingers, Jake. They were slippery and not worth the effort of holdin’ on. Now you got one who is. Since that’s the case and you know it, don’t know why you’re in your goddamned office doin’ whatever-the-fuck you’re doin’.” She threw out an arm. “But I’d get the lead out, babe. You don’t, she’ll slide away.”

“Respect, Alyssa,” he said low. “You know you got that from me. But you gotta back off and let me and Josie work this shit out.”

She held his eyes a beat before she leaned in and whispered, “Hurry.”

And with that, she turned, threw open the door and stomped out.

Jake watched her go.

Then he grabbed his keys from the desk, walked into the gym and called out to Troy who was at a speed bag. “Gotta go do something. Text me, you leave and no one’s here.”

“Got it,” Troy replied, his eyes never leaving the bag, his gloves constantly moving.

Jake went straight to his truck.

Then he went straight to Lavender House.

He did this thinking about his kids last night. The questions. The confusion. The unease. Josie had been with them every night for weeks. Now, she was gone.

They didn’t like it.

They were freaked by it.

And he had no good reason to give them why she was.

Except he was a fucking moron. But he didn’t share that with his kids.

He should have told her, straight up, from the beginning.

And when he didn’t, when he saw her with those goddamned letters, he should have come clean.

He didn’t.

And he didn’t because he was an idiot. He didn’t because of pride. He didn’t because he didn’t ever want to lose that look in her eyes she gave him just half an hour before, her in his bed, her hair down and mussed, his cum still inside her.

Contentment.

Safety.

Happiness.

Love.

When she knew, it would be like when your kid first finds out you can’t make miracles.

Like when your daughter’s grandmother dies and you can’t bring her back and she knows you want to heal every hurt and thinks you can move mountains to do that. And when she figures out you can’t, you still have her love, you still have her heart, but you’ve lost something precious. What you’ve lost is that understanding that runs deep that you can do everything.

And when you want to give her everything, seeing it in her eyes she knows you can’t fucking kills.

He wanted more time to have that from Josie.

He should have just told her.

Now, he was going to tell her.

And thank fuck, he could do that, he saw as he drove up the lane to Lavender House and her Cayenne was parked out front.

She had several out buildings, one of them being a garage that looked like it was built the year the Model A rolled out. It needed to be fixed up, a decent door put in so Josie could park in there. Especially since the weather was going to get worse.

Or it needed to be knocked down and something built onto the house so she didn’t have to walk outside at all.

He’d discuss that with her and deal with it later.

After he got this shit done.

He got out, went to the door and turned the knob.

He stared down at it when he found it was locked.

He then hit the doorbell as he found the key on his ring.

He stared down at the lock when his key didn’t fit.

Jesus.

Was she so far gone she’d change the locks?

He hit the doorbell again and knocked.

No sound came from inside, not that that thick wood door would let any out.

He again tried the key.

No go.

“Jesus,” he whispered out loud this time, hitting the doorbell again.

Nothing.

He pulled out his phone and called her.

He got voicemail.

“Fuck,” he muttered, disconnecting, his heart again thumping in his chest. He moved around the house, trying the key in each lock and looking in windows.

She’d changed the locks on all the doors and was nowhere to be seen.

At the back, he moved beyond the greenhouse and took in the landscape. The sea. The arbor. The empty garden.

He turned and looked up at the house.

He saw her in the light room.

She was in the window seat staring down at him and he began to lift a hand but went solid when he watched her stand up, turn away and disappear.

“Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,” Jake whispered but moved swiftly to the greenhouse, trying the door he knew was locked and looking through.

She didn’t appear in the kitchen.

She didn’t appear in the family room when he walked by.

Or the living room.

Or at the front door when he went back to it and hammered.

Jake hit her number on his phone and when he got voicemail, his chest was burning and his jaw was tight.

“Baby, call me. We got shit to talk about. I’m drivin’ away now, givin’ you time. Tomorrow, we’ll meet at The Shack for an omelet. Nine o’clock.” He drew in breath and finished, “Kids miss you, Slick, and so do I.”

He disconnected, moved into the lane and looked back up at Lydie’s house. Josie’s house.

Fuck, he should have just told her.

Then he got in his truck, his chest still burning, his jaw clenched, his gut tight, and he drove away.

* * * * *

At nine fifty-five the next morning, after getting a coffee and standing at the end of the wharf for nearly an hour, Jake Spear walked away from The Shack.

And Tom watched him do it.

Then he slid the steel shutter over the window.

* * * * *

“I’ll leave you to it,” the bank manager murmured as he took his leave.

“Thank you,” I replied, took a deep breath and looked down at Gran’s safety deposit box.

Keeping my mind off things I should have my mind on, I opened it.

I’d found the key I’d completely forgotten the day before when I was going through my bag, again keeping my mind off things I should have had them on.

This precisely being the fact that I’d done much the same as what Donna had done.

I’d had a drama, made a silly decision, stuck my feet in and refused to look at the facts.

These being I was in love with Jake, Jake was in love with me, we were happy and whatever it was between him and Gran was between him and Gran.

He wanted to keep it that way and I had to trust he had his reasons. He told me it was important that I let it go and he’d also told me it was not that big of a deal.

These two contradicted each other.

But even as they did that, I knew two other things.

Gran loved me.

As did Jake.

And the first time he told me that, I’d walked away.

I just didn’t know how to fix it even though he’d told me how.

Call him.

Meet him at The Shack.

I didn’t do either.

The last boyfriend I had I fought with and the results were very unpleasant.

Jake was not him.

I still didn’t know how to go about seeking someone out to admit you’d been a fool and apologize.

Jake had not called again.

Jake had not called after I didn’t meet him at The Shack.

And now it was past one o’clock, which was a long time since I should have met Jake at The Shack, and I was going from feeling imprudent to being scared.

Thus, on a kind of autopilot, I was carrying on with inconsequential things when I should be finding Alyssa and picking her brain in order to sort out the mess I’d made.

“I’ll do that after this,” I murmured to myself as I looked through the things in Gran’s box.

Stock certificates. A goodly number of them. Jewelry. A great deal of it, all high-quality and expensive. Birth certificates. Hers. Mine. My father’s and uncle’s. Surprisingly, a deed to a plot of land in Florida.

And, at the bottom, a plain white envelope.

I pulled it out and saw that there was not a letter inside but something else.

And on the outside was written For my Buttercup in Gran’s hand.

I felt the envelope and noted it felt like one of those small tapes from a dictation machine.

Either Gran had a message for me or this was a tape that exposed such as the identity of Deep Throat from the Watergate scandal.

I was suspecting it was a message from Gran.

Oh God.

Hurriedly, I replaced all the items in the box and shoved the envelope in my bag. I moved to the door, opening it, and caught the bank manager’s eyes.

“I’m done.”

He nodded, came in, grabbed the box and we went back to the vault where he returned it. He turned his key. I turned mine.

“Thank you,” I said.

“Certainly,” he replied.

I gave him a small smile and directly left.

With care, I drove home thinking about Gran’s desk. I hadn’t scoured through the drawers but I didn’t recall seeing a tape machine in there.

However, if she’d recorded something for me, she had to have one somewhere.

I just had to find it.

This was on my mind when I drove up the lane, seeing a rather well-kept but nevertheless very old white pickup truck in the drive. Closing in behind it in my Cayenne, I saw a tall, sturdy, somewhat older man step out from the entryway of the front door. The wind was whipping his silver-gray hair and his jacket, his eyes in his (it had to be said) rather weathered face squinting in the sun.

I’d never seen him before in my life and, although he looked kindly, I didn’t want visitors.

I needed to find a tape recorder, listen to that tape, call Alyssa, ask her how you admitted to your man that you’d been an idiot and then find Jake and, well…handle him.

Nevertheless, since doing the first part of that required access to Lavender House, I had to get out of my car and approach the house.

This I did and I did it calling, “Hello.”

“Josie,” a somewhat familiar voice replied.

He knew me.

But upon closer study, I again noted I did not know him.

“I’m sorry, have we met?” I asked.

“Tom,” he answered.

I blinked.

Tom?

The mysterious Tom from The Shack?

“Jake missed you at The Shack this morning,” he went on.

Oh my.

It was the no longer mysterious Tom from The Shack.

At my door to tell me Jake had been there and I had not.

Oh dear.

“Um…” I began.

“It was me,” he stated.

I blinked at him again.

“Pardon?” I asked.

“Me,” he repeated. “Me who told Lydia you should be with Jake.”

At this shocking news, I drew in such a deep breath I was forced back on a foot to do it.

“I’m sorry?” I asked, sounding winded.

“Worried about you, she was. Worried about you all the time. Wanted you to be happy. Wanted someone to look out for you. Make you laugh. Give you a good life. Came to The Shack a lot. Liked my coffee. We got to talkin’ and she told me. She told me what you needed. Said they had to be tall. Good-lookin’. Smart. Protective. Fierce. Said they had to live local so she could have you but mostly so you could have Magdalene and Lavender House. She told me all that, I told her about Jake.”

Oh my God.

He kept talking.

“Jake was married to Sloane back then but I still told her about him. Probably more hope than anything, but I didn’t think it would last with Sloane seein’ as she was not a good woman. Looked good. Could turn a man’s eye, not like you ‘a course,” he said complimentarily, grinning and tipping his head at me. “But she was pretty enough. All about Jake in the beginning. Then again, they always are. See a man like that, way he looks, way he is, think it’s gonna be smooth sailin’. A strong man like that, he’ll pound out all the kinks of life and all you gotta do is sit back, enjoy the life he gives you and let him. But, you know, life is life and, pardon my French, but shit happens. Shit even a man like Jake can’t make not happen.”

When he stopped speaking and it seemed something was required of me, I said, “Of course.”

But before I could invite him inside or say more, he kept going.

“So, I still told Lydia about Jake, kind of hopin’ that he’d get quit of Sloane. Now,”—he raised his hand—“don’t be thinkin’ I don’t believe in the sanctity of marriage. I do. Just not a marriage that involved Sloane.”

At this, I had the hysterical need to giggle and nearly choked when I swallowed it down.

Tom kept going.

“Think Lydia had a gander at Jake, probably caught sight of Sloane and definitely had the same idea as me. Think that because the next thing I know, Jake’s over at her house cleaning out the gutters. Kids are over there after school and on the weekends. Jake’s in her garden helpin’ her out ‘cause we all know, Lydia liked fresh veggies from her garden.”

Jake.

It was Jake, who had worked the garden for Gran.

Because, no matter how busy he was, no matter all the plates he had spinning in the air, that was what Jake would do because Gran liked fresh veggies from her garden and he loved Gran.

I felt my eyes begin to sting.

“Now, don’t know, even though Jake and I know each other real well. I was his father’s best friend, best man at his dad’s wedding, watched Jake grow up. And Lydia and I could have a good natter over a coffee when she could still get around and when she couldn’t, I’d find occasion to bring her a coffee and gab with her here. But even with all that, still don’t know, when he got shot of Sloane, why she didn’t get him to you,” Tom said. “Years, I waited to see if that would happen.”

I held my breath.

Tom kept speaking.

“Didn’t.”

I swallowed.

Tom continued.

“Then I saw you.”

“You saw me?” I forced out.

“Pretty thing you are,” he told me on another grin. “Pure class.”

“I…” I cleared my throat. “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me for statin’ the truth,” he said. “Figure Jake got a good look at you too, what with all those fancy pictures of you in Lydia’s house.”

My throat closed again.

Tom held my eyes, doing it intently, and went on.

“Man could fall in love with a girl, just like that.” He snapped his fingers and I was so engrossed in what he was saying I jumped. “If that girl looked like you do in those pictures.”

Oh…my…God.

“So pretty, like a movie star,” Tom carried on.

Oh my God.

“Tom,” I whispered.

“Back that with Lydia talkin’ you up the way she did. Folks around town who know you and know what a good heart you have. Way everyone knows how you loved your Gran, always visiting, always talkin’ when you’re not. Yeah,”—he nodded—“a man could fall in love just like that.”

I swallowed to open my throat in order to breathe.

“But see,” he continued with his story. “She’s ridin’ first class on jets and got herself a fancy job workin’ for a rich guy and hobnobs with superstars. Wears expensive clothes. She’s got no baggage. No ex-husband. No kids. Man who can’t give her all that. Man who’s got that kind of baggage and then some. A man who makes a good livin’ but one off exotic dancers. Man like that could steer clear ‘a that woman, hopin’, even if he knows he’d kill for a shot at her, she’d find something better.”

“There’s nothing better than Jake,” I said softly.

“Good answer,” he replied just as softly.

I stared into his eyes as I straightened my shoulders and stated, “I’d ask you in for a drink but I’m afraid it’s rather urgent that I find Jake.”

He nodded, his lips curving up, his blue eyes twinkling. “I understand.”

“I’ll, um…perhaps see you tomorrow for an omelet.”

“Now, I’ll look forward to that, Josie.”

“I…well…it was lovely to see you, Tom.”

“Same.”

I nodded and moved swiftly to my car. I started it up, drove by Tom’s truck and did this with my phone to my ear.

I got Jake’s voicemail.

“Blast!” I snapped, pulling out of Lavender Lane and onto the road. I listened to Jake saying, “Spear. Leave a message.” Then I said, “Jake…darling, I…well, we need to speak. I’ve been…” Drat! “We need to talk. As soon as possible. I’m in my car and I’ll come to you wherever you are. Just phone.”

I disconnected but held my phone in my hand as I drove, knowing that Jake could often leave his mobile in the office at the gym if he was working out, sparring or training.

Maybe that was why he didn’t pick up my call.

I’d go to the gym.

I hit Cross Street and my phone rang in my hand.

My heart leaped and I looked to it, disappointment sweeping through me when I saw it was Alyssa.

I took the call anyway because I knew she was worried about me. Actually, I couldn’t not know this. When I gave her my ridiculous waffle about selling Lavender House and leaving Magdalene, she’d replied, “Babelicious, straight up, this is whacked and I’m so worried about you.”

I needed to brief her so she’d worry no longer.

And I needed to get to Jake.

So I greeted, “Hey, Alyssa. Now’s not—”

“Babe, shit, crap, fuck, babe,” she cut me off to say, sounding tremendously freaked.

My heart skipped this time and it wasn’t a good skip. “Are you okay?”

“No!” she cried. “My Sofie’s in the clink.”

Another skip of the heart that was far from good.

“She’s in jail?” I asked incredulously, for sweet, quiet, shy Sofie in jail was impossible to believe as well as a disaster.

“School jail,” Alyssa told me. “The principal’s office. I’m headed over there now. You need to get there, babelicious. Conner’s in the clink with her.”

Another skip of the heart. This one worse.

“What?” I nearly yelled, turning off Cross Street to head toward the high school.

“Yep. Sofie called, totally freaking out. Barely got a word from her that made sense but since I got so many of them, I managed to put it together. I guess that little piece of work, Mia, was all up in Conner’s shit about how he ruined her life. They were in the hall and Sofie saw it happening and, don’t know what got into my girl, but she got involved. It started with words but I guess Mia got nasty so Sofie slammed her into a locker and kicked her in the shin. Mia went ballistic and jumped her. Conner waded in to separate them and got himself clocked, unfortunately by Sofie, but he fell into Mia and she’s sayin’ he attacked her. Which we both know isn’t true. No Spear man would take a hand to a woman, she deserved it or not, seein’ as Donna needed some sense slapped into her about decade ago and that shit never happened. And I won’t even start on what should be done with Ethan’s mom.”

Oh God.

Poor Conner.

Poor Sofie.

And that little fink, Mia.

What a mess!

“I’m on my way,” I told her.

“I just got here,” she replied.

“Is Jake there?” I asked.

“Shit yeah,” she answered. “See his truck but Sofie said he showed when she was on the phone with me.”

Well, that answered why he didn’t pick up when I called.

I didn’t know if I should be relieved or not. I didn’t want Conner in the school clink but I wasn’t certain how Jake would react after I’d muddled things up so horribly and then showed up at school.

There was nothing for it.

I’d just have to handle it, whatever it might be.

“See you soon,” I told Alyssa.

“Later, babe. And just, you know, sayin’…that Mia girl’s around and I see her get up in my daughter’s shit, I give you permission to tackle me, shove me out of the room, whatever you gotta do. Talked to my girl about that bullying you told me about. Now this. That Mia needs a lesson but I don’t need an assault charge.”

“I’ll be sure to tackle you or…whatever,” I assured her hoping I didn’t have to do that.

“Right. Later.”

“Later, Alyssa.”

She disconnected.

I drove and my heart skipped another beat, this one anxious, when I saw Jake’s truck in the lot in front of the school.

I parked, got out and hurried into the school.

The administrative offices were at the front and I walked right in.

The receptionist looked up at me. “Can I help you?”

And that was when my heart fluttered and my belly dipped.

This was because I heard Jake say, “She’s with me.”

I looked to the side to see him standing in an open door, his arm up and extended my way, his eyes locked on me.

Relief sweeping through me so profoundly it nearly brought me to my knees, I struggled past it and, without delay, moved to him, lifting a hand and taking his.

His fingers closed around mine and they did this tight, his eyes never leaving me.

Then he pulled me into the room.

* * * * *

“Go,” Mia’s father, Neal ordered.

“But Dad—” she started.

“Not another word, Mia,” he warned. “Told you, stay away from Conner Spear. Told you, you act like a decent person, you’d win folks back around. You didn’t listen to me. Now, we’re gonna find out if I can find other ways to make you listen to me.”

We were standing outside the high school and apparently, spoiled Mia had pushed her father too far.

Finally.

Mia had been suspended for three days.

Sofie had been suspended for one.

Conner had been released early seeing as, after the situation finally got sorted out, it was the last period of the day and there was no point in him going back and disturbing class. Especially after the ruckus that many in the school had seen and probably now all of the school had heard about.

The truth had outed, all of it, including the past bullying which Conner had stared intently at Sofie all the while she’d recounted it (in a rather adorable stammer, I might add).

It also included the lie about the pregnancy, something Mia’s father shared himself by saying, “First you lie about Con knockin’ you up, spreadin’ that crap around, and now this? God, what am I gonna do with you?”

Apparently the principal was rather hands on and had seen Mia at work, knew Sofie was an honor roll student and the belle of the choir, and thus understood the situation.

Therefore Sofie got suspended for pushing and kicking Mia but Mia bore the brunt of the punishment for starting the situation, not backing down, getting physical right back with Sofie and hurling rather unladylike profanities at Conner, then Sofie, doing this at the top of her lungs.

We watched Neal march Mia to his car and the minute they were out of earshot, Alyssa turned to her daughter.

“You…so...rock,” she stated and pulled Sofie into a tight hug. “So proud of you, not takin’ any shit.”

I saw Sofie’s tentative proud smile as she hugged her mother back. However, this hug was prematurely ended when Conner wrapped his fingers around Sofie’s bicep and gently pulled her from her mother’s embrace.

Alyssa’s arms dropped and her eyes moved to Conner.

“Takin’ Sofie home, Mrs. Harper,” he declared.

Oh dear.

“But, I—” Sofie began but she snapped her mouth shut when Conner cut his eyes to her.

“Takin’ you home,” he repeated a lot more firmly this time and considering his earlier declaration was very firm, this was rock-solid.

Oh my.

Sofie looked terrified. But then her eyes drifted to the red mark on Conner’s cheekbone, one she put there. Accidentally, of course, but she’d done it.

Then she whispered, “I…okay,” though she didn’t really have a choice.

Conner continued not to give her one.

He did this by sliding his hand down to hers, grabbing hold and dragging her down the sidewalk.

We all watched until they turned the corner toward the student parking area, Sofie looking back at us with an expression I couldn’t make out due to the distance, before they disappeared.

The instant they did, Alyssa turned happy eyes to me.

“Figure, she gets home, my girl’s gonna have the taste of Spear on her lips,” she announced ecstatically.

I pressed my lips together in order not to smile.

Jake muttered, “Jesus.”

Alyssa looked at Jake.

“Jake, babe, you do not get this but I’ll let you in the know,” she started. “See, a girl never forgets her first kiss. And this may not go anywhere with our two, but that doesn’t matter. I figure he’s got enough experience to give her a good one. He’s smart. Cute. Sweet. And very into her. So all her life she’ll look back at that and smile. And for a mom, well, a mom knows her girl got that, she thinks that’s a little bit of all right.”

“Can we stop talking about this?” Jake asked.

Alyssa smiled big and looked to me. “For a dad, the thought of his daughter’s first kiss is when latent murderous tendencies wake up. The thought of his boy kissing a girl, that’s when he starts buying stock in Babies ‘R’ Us.”

“I’m seeing we can’t stop talking about this,” Jake murmured.

“Okay,” Alyssa said. “We’ll talk about you two and how I’m freakin’ thrilled you sorted your shit. So this means we’re on for a barbeque on Saturday. This bein’ because I know my Sofie and if she feels like buildin’ a wall back up after Con spends the next hour tearin’ it down, she will.” She raised a hand and pointed a finger at Jake. “You get your son there. I’ll forget to buy somethin’ at the grocery store. I’ll ask Sofie to go get it. You get your boy to take her.” She looked to me. “’Course, I’ll already have it ‘cause I hope Con’ll take a very long time gettin’ her back home and we don’t wanna do without.”

“Are you honestly standing here plotting to get my boy alone with your girl?” Jake asked disbelievingly and Alyssa shrugged.

“He’s got the goods this afternoon, won’t have to bother and they’ll be cozy by Saturday anyway,” she replied.

“I’ll ask again. Can we stop talking about this?” Jake repeated.

Alyssa looked him in the eyes. “Yeah, Jake. But I’m gonna tell you one more thing. I know your never forget your first kiss and, you get a good one, you never forget your first boyfriend.” She then turned to me. “And landing a Spear as your man is bound to be unforgettable.”

That was sweet.

And so very true.

Jake said nothing.

I didn’t either.

“Right, gotta dash,” she announced. “I left a client in foils and hope like fuck Lindsey got her sorted out like I asked or she’s not going to have any hair left when I get back,” She gave us a finger wave and then jogged gracefully on the toes of her high-heeled boots to her car.

I watched her do this until I couldn’t watch anymore because Jake’s chest was in my vision.

This was it.

Either he was angry or something else.

I held my breath and looked up.

“Got your call when I was in the principal’s office, honey. Couldn’t take it.”

I let out my breath.

He was something else.

That something else being Jake.

“That’s okay,” I replied.

“You ready to talk?” he asked.

Good God.

I so…fucking…loved him.

That was why I said, “No.”

His brows knit even as I saw his frame stiffen.

“It’s important that you don’t share,” I stated. “What’s important to you is important to me so if you don’t wish to share, you don’t have to. However, if you’re not talking about that but instead want to talk about what I’m making for din—”

I didn’t finish.

And I didn’t finish because Jake was kissing me.

There were classrooms facing where we were on the sidewalk so it was likely students and teachers could see us.

This was unseemly.

But I didn’t care.

I kissed him back with everything I had.

This went on for some time before Jake lifted his head nary an inch and stated, “You know I’d make out with you anywhere, anytime for as long as I can get that mouth. But my son needs to be picked up from school. Now, who’s gonna be doin’ that, you or me?”

“Me,” I answered immediately.

And that was when I got Jake’s smile back.

It had only been two days.

But, goodness, how I missed it.

* * * * *

Amber, who had arrived home ten minutes ago after doing her homework at girl Taylor’s, walked into the kitchen and when she did, I looked at her.

When she’d come home, she’d come in from the garage, saw me cooking, gave me a look of surprise, then hope, then something I couldn’t read that was not nearly as good as the former two before she’d mumbled, “Gotta dump my bags,” and rushed to the stairs.

In the last two days it had not been lost on me that in having my drama and carrying it out to its ridiculous and inappropriate fullest, the consequences were not simply mine and Jake’s but also the children’s.

Ethan, when I showed up at his school to pick him up, had simply climbed into the Cayenne, looked at me and declared, “Lunch sucked. I need pizza.”

So that was good.

And Conner had seen me with his father in the principal’s office. He’d shown signs of relief when he did, but he was more interested in what was going on with Sofie than his father and me.

Conner had not returned. Then again, he had a shift at Wayfarer’s and wasn’t due to return for half an hour.

Now, with one look at her, I knew I had to deal with whatever consequences I’d earned with Amber.

“Dinner’s done. And there is no way Ethan can wait for it to be served and your brother isn’t going to be home for a bit,” I told her quietly. “So could you do me a favor and prepare a plate for him, put foil on it and put it in the oven to keep warm?”

Not looking at me, she muttered, “Sure.”

I did not take this as a good sign. She had not been muttering or mumbling since we made our deal weeks ago.

I went to the cupboard to get plates, wondering how to handle this situation.

I stopped wondering when Amber instigated the discussion herself.

She did this by saying, “Don’t screw Dad over.”

I looked to her to see her standing at the other side of the island, her eyes on me, her pretty face slightly pale. I could also see she was struggling.

I did that to her and my heart took a beating in knowing it.

“Sweetheart—” I started.

“I love you, Josie,” she declared and my heart stopped beating altogether when she did. “You’re awesome. We all think you’re the bomb. Me, Con, Eath. We do. You’re cool. You’re cool with us. But the most important of all that is you make Dad happy.”

I held her gaze, loving what she said but hating the look in her eyes.

She kept speaking.

“The last couple of days, Dad wasn’t happy.”

“Amber—”

“That stupid skank Mandy took off on him. Ethan’s stupid mom Sloane took off on both Dad and Ethan. Crazy. Dad’s the best guy there is. But we know. Me and Con, we know the reason they did is because of us.”

“That may not be true,” I told her gently.

“It’s true,” she returned swiftly. “They wanted Dad. They didn’t want us.”

I closed my mouth for I knew from Jake this was not wrong.

It just pained me to know Amber and Conner knew it.

“But we all come together,” she stated.

“I know that, my lovely.”

She didn’t nod. She didn’t give any indication she believed me.

She just repeated, “Don’t screw Dad over, Josie.”

I drew in a breath, pulled up my courage and walked to her.

She didn’t draw away so I lifted my hands, framed her face and moved mine close to hers.

“Your father and I had an unpleasant discussion,” I shared carefully. “I reacted to this badly. I have not had a good deal of experience with relationships, my lovely girl, but that’s no excuse. When I say I reacted to it badly, what I mean is that I overreacted. But I’ve thought things through since then and I love your father, I love you kids, and I’ve learned not to do that again.”

She didn’t touch me, didn’t say anything, but she did keep her gaze steady on mine so I felt it safe to continue.

“Things will not be smooth sailing, Amber. Life is life and we’ll all have issues crop up out there as well as amongst ourselves. But I’m hoping we’re building a foundation where we’ll weather all those storms. The last two days, I learned that I need to stand strong and weather those storms. I’m so sorry I went away. It was the wrong thing to do. The only thing I can promise is that I won’t do it again.”

“Ever?” she asked.

And when she did, I thought about it for I knew my answer was crucial and it also had to be completely honest.

But even as I thought about it, I knew.

I knew Jake would not hit me. Jake would not wound me with words. Jake would not cheat on me. Jake would not lie to me. Jake would not gamble or steal or throw away money or go out and rape and pillage.

So I knew.

“Ever,” I promised her.

When I did, she closed her eyes and dropped her head forward so her forehead rested on my mouth, her hands coming up so she could wrap her fingers around my wrists.

“I love you, my sweet girl,” I whispered against her skin, pressing in with my hands.

She pulled away, caught my eyes and squeezed my wrists. “Back at cha, Josie.”

I smiled.

She smiled back.

Thank goodness.

We let each other go and I went back to the plates. I handed her one and she got down to the business of preparing it for Conner as I went to the drawer to get the cutlery.

I was counting out forks and knives when her phone in her back pocket sounded the alert she had a text.

I looked to her and saw her pull out her phone, look at it, then shove it back into her pocket.

Unusual.

Amber usually responded to texts immediately unless she was at school.

“Everything okay?” I asked.

“Yep,” she answered.

“Amber,” I called, seeing the stiffness in her frame.

She looked to me.

“Is everything okay?” I repeated.

“Mom keeps bugging me,” she told me.

I was uncertain how to proceed so I did it cautiously, “Bugging you how?”

“Wants to go to a movie this weekend.”

“Ah,” I murmured.

“Said no and it’s like she doesn’t get it. But she hasn’t asked about the movie again. She just texts and asks how it’s going. Wants to know if I wanna get a coffee. She even sent me a picture of a sweater at Lucky she thought would look good on me and asked if I’d like to have it.”

“You said?” I prompted when she spoke no more.

“I texted back, ‘whatever,’” she shared.

“Did you like the sweater?”

She focused on preparing Conner’s plate and answered, “It was kind of kick-butt.”

I grinned as I moved to the pantry to get napkins.

“She’s bugging Con too,” she told me while I was on the move.

“Is that so?” I asked from inside the pantry.

It was when I came out that I felt her eyes on me so I looked to her.

“You did this,” she stated.

It wasn’t an accusation even when it kind of was.

“Yes,” I confirmed honestly.

Her face set stubbornly. “I’ll take the sweater, Josie, because it was cool. But I’m not goin’ to a movie with her or coffee or whatever.”

“Your choice, my lovely,” I replied, moving back to the island.

“You see her, you can tell her that,” she said.

I would do no such thing.

Therefore, I didn’t answer.

“Josie?” she called.

I looked to her.

“Love you, but you can be a pain in the butt.”

I smiled.

Amber stared at me a moment.

Then she smiled back.

* * * * *

Jake’s voice was low and gruff in a way I liked very much when he warned, “You don’t want the results of that work in your mouth, baby, you best get up here.”

My eyes lifted to him as I slid my mouth up his cock, sucking as I went, then rolling the underside of the rim of the head with the tip of my tongue.

I felt his legs tense at my sides as I saw a muscle jump in his jaw, his heated eyes that were on me firing.

I knew these signs very well, so I released him with my mouth, gliding my fist that was wrapped around it up after I did so. I let him go and then moved. Crawling on all fours over him, I took my time at the ridges of his stomach. I took more time at his nipples. I then moved to take time at his throat, his neck and behind his ears.

By the time I got to the last, I was straddling him so I worked at his ear as I felt him glide the tip of his cock in the wet between my legs.

He rubbed it over my clit and I gasped against his skin just as he wrapped an arm around my waist, slid his cock back and pushed me down, filling me.

My neck arched.

Jake’s other hand sifted into my hair at the back of my head and he kept us connected as he rolled.

Then he was on me, thrusting slow and sweet, his mouth to mine, his tongue inside, tasting, drinking, but giving…slower and sweeter.

My hands moved over his skin and I wrapped a leg around his hip, the other one around his thigh as I kissed him back.

His thrusts started to get faster, but no less sweeter, building it beautifully as he broke our kiss but didn’t lift away, his lips brushing mine, his breaths mingling with mine, his eyes holding mine.

I held his gaze and I saw it smoldering there, the heat he was creating, what he was building in me, what I was building in him, but there was more. A flame that would never extinguish.

The love he had for me.

Seeing it, I tightened my legs around him, tipped my hips for him and glided a hand into his hair.

“I love you, Jake,” I whispered and the instant I did, his thrusts got even faster, much sweeter, our breath coming heavier.

“Fuck, baby,” he whispered back.

“I love everything about you.”

“Fuck, Josie,” he groaned.

It was building higher and my body tensed all around him, my eyes going unfocused as it started to engulf me and I was ready to feel the burn.

“Josie,” he called.

I tried to focus but found it hard. I wanted to give in. I wanted what he could give me, every time, some harder, some faster, some slower, some sweeter, some longer, but I always got it because Jake always gave it to me.

And I wanted it now.

“Darling,” I whimpered.

“Look at me when I tell you I love you,” he ordered.

I focused on the man I loved who loved me in a return for an instant before he said the words.

“I love you, baby.”

I heard them in a way so profound, I felt them, the feeling taking me there and I cried out, the sound drowned when his mouth took mine in a deep kiss.

Minutes later, he drove deep, planted himself and smothered his groan in the same fashion.

I knew when it left him because he again started kissing me.

And again, I kissed him back.

It was slow. It was lazy. It went on for a long time, even after Jake slid out. Then he branched out, kissing my neck, my collarbone, between my breasts, my ribs, my midriff, my belly.

Showering me with kisses. Spreading his love everywhere.

I closed my eyes and did my best to stay connected, my fingers in his hair, my hand at his neck, as he gave me everything.

Finally, he covered me with his big body and looked into my eyes.

“I gotta tell you something,” he said, his voice thick but firm and I knew what he was going to say.

I knew what he was going to give me.

And I knew I didn’t need it.

“No you don’t,” I told him quickly.

“Babe.—”

“You don’t, Jake.”

“Right now, you under me, your hair spread on my pillow, your clothes on my floor, I’ve had it time and again and I still can’t believe it.”

My mouth closed, my throat closed and my eyes stung with tears.

“It was me who refused to meet you,” he stated.

Oh God.

“Darling—”

“Lydie asked me…fuck, don’t know how many times. Every time you came to visit, for certain. And she’d even make up shit to get you to visit so we could meet. Tried everything she could to make it happen. She gave me your email. She even gave me your Skype account and said she’d introduce us on the fuckin’ computer.”

“Darling, you don’t have to—”

“First time I walked into Lavender House, looked left, saw that photo of you behind the couch…” He shook his head. “I was with Sloane, shit was not good with her, but it still makes me a dick because I took one look at that picture and fell in love with you.”

Oh…my…

God.

A tear slid out of the corner of my eye and Jake caught it with his thumb but he didn’t quit talking.

“Every word Lydie said about you, it got worse. I fell further. ‘Cause of that, I knew, if I saw you, shook your hand, you didn’t want what I could offer, it’d gut me. So I couldn’t let that happen.”

I slid my hands up his back, in and up his chest and further to curl them around his jaw.

“She pushed,” he went on. “But she didn’t force it. She got me. I knew it. I also knew it bothered her. So she didn’t give up. She gave me your picture. Then she gave me your letters.”

“Jake—”

“I got you. I knew you. She gave me all of you. And having it, I wanted you to find better.”

Oh God.

“Please, darling,” I begged.

“I wanted you to have what you wanted. Someone gentle, patient, sophisticated, successful. And that was not me.”

I closed my eyes and tears escaped both sides, rolling down my temples.

Jake caught them with his thumbs and I opened my eyes.

“I wasted years,” he whispered, his voice now hoarse, regret etched in every feature.

“Don’t,” I whispered back.

“I didn’t fuck that up, coulda tried to make a baby with you.”

“Don’t,” I pleaded, pressing into his jaws with my hands.

“Had no clue you’d want me.”

“You’re everything,” I told him.

He shook his head. “I’m not everything. I got three kids by two women, three ex-wives, a gym that struggles to stay in the black, and a fuckin’ strip club that makes it so I can breathe easy, my kids can have cars and clothes and shit. I know from experience not a lotta women want to buy into any of that. Me, yeah, they’ll take me. The rest of it, they want nothin’ to do with. But with you, it was more. I can’t put your ass in a first class seat on a plane and take you wherever you wanna go, whenever you wanna go there.”

“Why would I need to go anywhere when I can be here with you?”

He blinked.

“I never wanted anything but you, Jake,” I told him and he simply stared at me so I went on. “And I wanted you before I even knew you. Someone handsome and strong and protective and fierce. You’re everything I ever wanted, darling.”

“Baby,” he dropped his forehead to mine, lifted it and continued, “Look at your life the way it was. Look at mine the way it is. Can you see how that’s where my head would be at?”

“Definitely,” I agreed. “But can you see that the person who knew you were right for me was the only person who knew the true me, knew what I wanted, knew what I needed, and picked you for me?”

He said nothing so I took that as a yes.

“You did what you had to do,” I said quietly. “And it’s done. And in the end, I have my dream. And I’m hoping since you love me that you have what you want too. Now can we let it go and move on?”

“I know you wanted kids, Josie.”

“And now I have them, Jake.”

I felt his body lock on mine so I took that opportunity to use my hands at his jaws and pull him down to me. I lifted my head at the same time and touched my mouth to his before I dropped back to the pillow.

“I thank you for giving that to me, darling. You didn’t need to but now I have it, I’ll treasure it. All of it. But seriously, can we let this go and move on?”

“It’s gonna sting, baby, havin’ you, havin’ what we got, knowin’ I coulda had it longer, givin’ it to you longer, givin’ you even more, all of that if I got my head outta my ass.”

I smiled at him and replied, “I’ll make it better.”

He stared into my eyes and whispered, “Fuck, I love you.”

I’d never tire hearing that.

Never.

Even with the expletive.

“And I you,” I shared. “And now I’d love it if you’d get off me so I can clean up and we can sleep. Six o’clock rolls around fast and tomorrow, I’ve got to hire some interior decorators. We’re moving into Gran’s room upstairs. It has its own bathroom and as it is, it’s kind of a pain to tiptoe down the hall so I don’t wake up the kids when I have to go clean up after you make love to me.”

Finally, his eyes smiled.

“We movin’ to Lavender House?” he asked.

“Your house is wonderful, Jake, and you fixed it up. The kids love it here. As do I. But we’d all love it more being with Gran.”

His thumb swept my temple and he whispered, “Yeah.”

“But only after I redecorate the master suite. All those flowers…” I trailed off as I shook my head on the pillow.

That got me another smile and another, “Yeah.”

“Now, are you going to get off me?” I asked.

“Yeah and no.”

This confused me so I tipped my head to the side. “Pardon?”

“This is the no part,” he stated right before he kissed me, long, deep, wet and sweet. When he lifted his head, he finished, ‘Now you get the yeah.”

I laughed softly as he rolled off.

Then I rolled into him, bent and kissed his stomach, his midriff, his ribs, between his pectorals, his collarbone, his neck, under his ear.

Showering him with kisses. Spreading my love everywhere.

When I finished and looked into his eyes, I knew he’d felt it.

And he liked it.

So I kissed his lips, rolled off the bed and went to the bathroom.

I cleaned up and tugged on a nightie before sliding into bed beside him.

He reached out to turn out the light and cuddled me close as he settled us in.

I cuddled closer, murmuring, “Definitely need to move to Gran’s room just for the master bath.”

“Yeah,” he replied.

I nestled deeper.

Jake gave me a squeeze.

“Love you, darling,” I whispered into his skin.

“Right back at cha, Slick,” he did not whisper back.

I smiled.

And mere minutes later, tucked tight to my man, I fell asleep.

* * * * *

“Yo! Josie!” I heard Jake call.

It was early afternoon the next day and I was in the light room looking for a recorder.

“Light room!” I yelled, shuffling through the detritus in Gran’s desk and deciding that tomorrow I would tackle it and organize it.

I’d need to do that since I had not only managed to make appointments with the two interior designers that had businesses in the county, I had phoned New York and began negotiations to take the job with the up-and-coming designer. He was considering once every six weeks visits from me for a week so I could take meetings as well as very limited travel for runway shows and the like.

Thus, if my conditions were accepted, I’d need an organized desk.

I was looking forward to working in the light room, being with Gran as I did it.

So I very much was hoping he’d accept my terms.

“Babe.” I heard Jake say and looked from the desk to the opening of the spiral staircase where he’d appeared.

“Hey, darling,” I replied.

“How’d shit go?” he asked, moving to me at the desk.

“Two appointments with designers, both tomorrow. And I called New York. My conditions are being considered,” I answered, having turned my attention back to what I was doing, still rifling through Gran’s desk.

I felt him stop by the desk as he replied, “Right,” Then he asked, “What are you doing?”

I looked up at him then reached to the desk and took the envelope with the tape in it and gave it to him.

He looked down at the writing before he looked into the envelope I’d opened and his eyes cut to me. “From Lydie?”

“I found it in her safe deposit box,” I shared.

“Fuckin’ hell,” he muttered.

I again focused on the drawer I was going through. “I’m looking for a recorder so I can listen to it.”

I found nothing but heard Jake slide open a drawer to help.

Seconds later, he said, “Here.”

I looked to him to see he had a dictation machine held up in his hand.

And suddenly, I found I couldn’t catch my breath.

“Slick,” Jake called and my eyes lifted to his. His roamed to my face and his voice gentled when he noted, “You can give this time.”

Slowly, I shook my head.

Jake took that in, assessed my expression for long moments then nodded.

I watched as he loaded the tape into the machine and after that, I had no choice but to follow him to the window seat since he’d grabbed hold of my hand and guided me there.

In Jake fashion, he then arranged us in the seat as he wanted us. Jake behind me, his legs up on the seat surrounding me, my back against his front, his arms wrapped around me, cocooning me in his strength, his protection, his safety.

I drew in a deep breath and rested my arms on his at my middle.

“Ready?” he whispered in my ear.

“Yes,” I whispered to the sea.

I heard a click then nothing for long seconds before I heard Gran’s voice.

Josie, my buttercup, she said. If you’re listening to this, I’m gone.

I closed my eyes tight.

And by the time you listen to this, you’ll have met Jake.

I opened my eyes and Jake’s arms pulled me deeper into his body.

I knew the moment I saw him that he was perfect for you. I also knew from the expression on his face when he saw your picture, he knew you were perfect for him too.

Oh God.

I made a noise in the back of my throat as I swallowed the tears clogging there and turned. I wrapped my arms around Jake and pressed my forehead into his neck as I continued to stare at the sea and listen to the beloved voice of my Granny.

It’s likely, by this time, Gran went on, that Arnie’s read my will to you. You’re probably confused and perhaps alarmed. I don’t wish to pain you with this knowledge, but even after your assertions that you were content with your life, I was troubled. I didn’t want you to be content, my buttercup. I wanted you to be happy. So I did what I needed to make you that way. I gave you to Jake and doing it, gave Jake to you.

I pressed my forehead in Jake’s neck.

He’ll make you happy, my precious Josie.

A tear slid down my cheek and, as if sensing it, Jake pulled me even closer.

Now, there are some things you need to know, Gran stated, suddenly sounding all business. Conner, Jake’s eldest, has a tendency to collect girls. I think for boys of his age this is not unusual. But for Conner, I feel it’s something else. He admires his father but he’s very intelligent. I think, watching his father be unlucky in love, he’s searching for the right one. But he’s going about it the wrong way. You need to handle that.

It was then a giggle escaped my throat just as a chuckle rumbled in Jake’s chest.

And he won’t tell you, he prefers filling his body with what he calls proteins and carbs, by that he means is meat and rolls, but he needs vegetables and it took me some time but I found that Conner likes peas.

“Peas,” I whispered, wondering why I hadn’t yet served them and knowing that night, I would.

Amber, Jake’s daughter, Gran continued, is enchanted with an inappropriate young man. She is very sweet but has no idea of her charms. She thinks she’s fortunate to have caught his eye and doesn’t understand it’s the other way around. You need to find a way to communicate that with her and untangle her from that situation. From what she’s told me, this Noah person is unworthy of her but I have not been able to get her to understand this is true. Please see to that, for Amber deserves much better.

A huge smile had spread on my face and I felt Jake’s body shaking with laughter.

Finally, Ethan, Jake’s youngest, well…what is there to say about that darling boy? Not much except he’s a darling boy who needs a mother.

My smile died and Jake stopped laughing.

See to that too, buttercup, Gran ordered. And in doing so, watch his diet. He’s a growing boy and it’s understandable that he’s hungry nearly constantly. But sometimes he overindulges. Put a stop to that, will you?

Warmth spread through me for a variety of reasons when Jake rested his jaw on the top of my head and gathered me ever closer.

I have many things to say about Jake, Gran remarked. But I have a feeling they won’t need to be said. This is because I’ve no doubt Jake will show you all that needs to be said. I just encourage you, my precious girl, to allow him to say them in his way. I promise you…promise you, Josie, you’ll wish to hear them.

I curled my fingers into Jake’s sweater.

My girl, know this and never forget. It’s never too late to reach for happiness and no matter what life has done to you, it’s never too late to find it. Please don’t be offended when I share with you that I know you’ve been hiding. I know why. I understand it, buttercup, but it’s time to come into the light. I’ve found someone special to help guide the way. Please, Josie, take Jake’s hand and let him guide you to happiness.

The tears slid down my cheek and Jake pressed his jaw into my hair.

And last, I love you, Josie. I know the things I just told you are true because I had many things happen in my life, things that would lead me to believe I’d never find anything but contentment at best. But when you entered my life, I found happiness.

My body bucked with my sob and Jake pulled me up so I could shove my face in his neck.

Thank you, buttercup, Gran said softly, for being the light of my life. I treasured you from the moment you were born, to the time I sit here saying these things to you, to the time I take my last breath and I’ll treasure you beyond it. This is because you’re a treasure, my Josie. You always have been and you always will.

My breath hitched with my sob as the tears flowed freely down my cheeks and into the skin of Jake’s neck.

Tell Jake, Conner, Amber and Ethan they held special places in my heart, will you, buttercup? I know it will be sad to know that when you weren’t with me, although I had a full life, I often felt empty. Until I met them and they filled my life with such beauty. Such great beauty.

“Jesus,” Jake murmured, his voice rough.

I knew what that meant and gave him a loving squeeze.

And I know they will do the same for you, Josie, if you let them. Please let them, buttercup.

I drew in a deep breath to control my tears.

It didn’t work.

Good-bye, my precious girl, Gran said and the tears slid faster down my cheeks. I’ll love you always. Forever and completely.

I heard the click, then silence which was broken by the sound of my sob as it filled the room.

I knew Jake put the recorder aside when his arms got even tighter and one hand slid up into my hair, his fingers gliding through it, holding me, stroking me, soothing me.

He held me close for some time. It could have been minutes; it could have been hours before my tears abated.

Then he held me for longer.

My eyes scratchy, my heart hurting, my lips moved.

“She gave me everything,” I told Jake.

“Yeah, baby,” he replied.

“And then she died and she gave it to me again.”

I felt his body give a slight jerk before it settled and he said, “Yeah, Slick, she gave me that too.”

Gran gave Jake that too.

I closed my eyes.

Then I opened them, pulled slightly away and lifted my head to catch my man’s gaze.

“I need to clean up and go pick up Ethan.”

Jake looked into my eyes for long moments.

Then finally, I watched fascinated as his eyes—an unusual stormy gray—changed colors to a beautiful light blue.

And this was when they smiled.