This is who I am

Chapter Ten

Was she not the most beautiful woman in the club? Resting his hip on a bar stool, Sam watched Linda approach. Her brown eyes were wide, nervous, but not terrified. Her lower lip was caught between her teeth. He held out his hand, pleased when she didn’t hesitate to give him hers. Soft skin, small bones. “Why are you here, girl?”

“I-I…” Her chin firmed. “I’m trying to decide if being…different…has a place in my life.”

“Different.” Pissed him off the way she saw being unique as being wrong. “Are you talking about being a masochist? Or being a singer? Or a submissive? Or smarter than most? Or maybe being talented at basketry?”

Her spine straightened. “It’s not a joke.”

“I’m not joking.” He curved his hand firmly around her nape as he’d done with Uzuri. Linda instinctively tried to take a step back. When his grip tightened, halting her, he enjoyed the hell out of the way she shivered.

Then he watched as she didn’t move, yet silently, internally fought his control.

And he watched as she surrendered. To him.

When he leaned down and took her lips, not permitting her to withdraw, her mouth softened and opened.

My Linda. He pulled her between his legs and molded her so tightly against him that her full breasts flattened against his chest. Amazing how different one woman could feel from another. Why the hell did they all want to be alike? “Cut out all the different parts of yourself, and your personality will have the texture of mashed potatoes.”

She blinked, then burst out laughing.

Damn, he liked her laugh. “What?”

“Just…aren’t you a meat and potatoes sort of guy?”

Had him there. When she rubbed her forehead on his shoulder, he remembered how sweetly she’d snuggled against him in the night. She was a person who liked to touch.

She looked up at him, her eyes serious. “My dad was a fire-and-brimstone preacher, and my husband old-fashioned. My town is small and conservative. This isn’t easy for me, but I’m trying.”

“Good enough.” He put his hand under her chin, feeling the softness of her flesh. Older, not tight and hard, and she was so goddamned appealing she could break his heart. He didn’t require some eighteen-year-old to make his cock hard. He wanted a woman, one with lines in her face that said she’d done some living and had learned to cry. And to laugh.

A tiny trembling ran through her when she met his gaze, and the chemistry between them blazed up like dry wood in a wind. “Remember the safe word here?”

Her tongue touched her pink lips. “Red.”

“Good.” He ran his finger across her lower lip, circling her mouth with the wetness. “I’m glad you didn’t wear a mask, girl. I like to see more than your body. Don’t wear one again.”

A tremor ran through her, and a glint of fear showed in her eyes before she whispered, “Yes, Sir.”

Her trust sent warmth through him. “Good girl.” So what area was available for a scene? Releasing Linda from his arms, he checked. The stocks were free or…the picture frame was empty. “Cullen.”

The bartender looked over.

“Can you grab my bag?”

Cullen set a bottled mineral water in front of a Domme, then reached under the bar and brought out Sam’s leather toy bag. “Have fun, you two.”

“Thanks.” Sam took a grip on Linda’s nape again. “Come along, girl.” As the heavy silk of her hair flowed over his fingers, he caught her clean lavender-and-tangy-citrus scent. Made him want to pick her up and rub her skin over his.

But he could wait.

He led her to a wooden structure built like an extra-tall and double-wide door frame. “Cullen calls this the picture frame because of the way it displays a submissive.”

She eyed the chains and bolts studded around the inside of the frame, then glanced back toward the bar. “He’s not as easygoing as he acts, is he?”

“Last submissive who annoyed him got strapped to the bar.” With a bucket of ice cubes beside her for anyone that wanted to play. He grinned, remembering the sub’s appalled shrieks.

He glanced down at his redhead. Might as well give her a few choices in the game—or let her think she was getting some. After setting his bag on a chair, Sam started unzipping the inside dividers. Opened the one for the toys. Clamps, yes. Gags or blindfold? No. Why deprive himself of hearing her screams, of seeing tears in her eyes? That section stayed closed.

After moving a rectangular tray table beside the chair, he told Linda, “Set out what’s in the bag.” He touched one end of the table. “The toys you’d most like me to use go here. Work your way to the other end and your least favorite toys. If something is a hard limit, leave it in the bag.”

A sweet crease of worry appeared between her red-brown brows. “And you’ll start at the good end and work your way through to the bad?”

“Nope.” He stepped close enough that her breasts grazed his chest, and she had to tilt her head back to look up at him. “Just lets me know what will bother you and what won’t. I choose what. And when.”

“But—”

He smiled into her vulnerable eyes. “Trust me to know how much you can take, missy. And to push you to that point.”

Even as the hint of anxiety appeared in her eyes, her nipples contracted to hard points.

As the beast inside him stirred and raised its head, he stepped back. “Get started.”

While he worked on attaching chains to the proper bolts, he watched her pick and choose.

She put a thick cane midway, a lighter one closer to the good side. The heavy flogger was good; the one with knotted ends went to the bad side. His favorite short snake whip was considered. Put close to the bad end. Moved to the other side. Moved again. Was there anything more appetizing than a submissive’s uncertainty? He’d definitely give her a taste of that whip, no matter where it ended up on the table.

When she pulled out the coiled six-footer, he said, “No, baby. There’s not enough space in here to play with that one.” She nodded and dropped it into the bag, coming out with a crop. A Wartenberg wheel. A vampire glove. Finally she finished.

After setting up the top restraints, Sam adjusted the lower chains so he could spread her legs. “Come here.”

As she chewed her lower lip, he savored her hesitation, seeing her anticipation of the pain that would eventually take her to the height of pleasure, no matter how much the initial lash stung. His anticipation rose as well, since watching her ride that first bite of pain would give him an equally sized rush.

When she stood inside the picture frame, he untied her halter top and tossed it onto his bag. He was already hard, but the sight of her full breasts made his cock lengthen to serious discomfort, an interesting type of erotic ache. Pulling her into his arms, he ground his chest against her bare breasts, feeling her nipples contract back into stabbing points.

Her eyes were wide with nerves, and he could see the golden flecks that lightened the rich brown. Her lips were parted and inviting, so he fisted her hair, tipped her head back, and took her lips, demanding all he wanted from her mouth. At least for now. Damn but he’d missed kissing her and how she gave him everything, holding back nothing.

When he lifted his head, her fingers had dug into his back to hold him closer.

“I like the way you kiss, girl.” His voice came out gruff.

She pinkened at the compliment. So sweet.

Time to push that giving nature of hers. He untied the side band of her skirt, tugging hard at the laces to drive home that she would soon be naked, without the most basic of defenses.

He tossed the skirt on his bag, followed by her panties. After using his boot to push her feet apart, he ran his hand between her legs. Not cruelly, simply a Dom’s inspection that his submissive had kept herself groomed for his enjoyment.

His fingers met smooth, bare skin, already slick. Nice. Nothing there to cushion a blow. He rubbed his knuckles over her mound. “Good girl.”

Although she was aroused and wet, her muscles tensed and her gaze dropped.

Gently, Davies. She’d been traumatized. Brutalized. Made into an object. He had to ride a path between dominance and abuse, and in her case, it was a goddamned narrow trail. So he enfolded her in his arms for a comforting hug and a reminder. “Your safe word is red. Do you remember?”

Her muscles relaxed, and she nodded.

“Good.” He rubbed his chin on her smooth hair. “If I ask you how you’re doing, green means keep going. Yellow means slow down, or that you can’t take whatever I’m using on you at the time.”

She nodded again.

He might also ask her who he was so she’d remember she wasn’t with the bad guys. And hell, he simply liked the way she said his name as if he was goddamned John Wayne.

“All right.” After fastening padded Velcro cuffs on her wrists, he snapped them to the overhead chains. The ankle cuffs and chains spread her legs wide apart. Then he tightened the arm restraints until her body was stretched nice and taut. Didn’t want her to wiggle and spoil his aim. A shame he couldn’t use his favorite single-tail, but Z rarely cordoned off space for the longer bullwhips.

Smiling into Linda’s eyes, Sam flattened his hand over her exposed pussy, enjoying her startled response. Enjoying the increasing slickness coating his palm. “I’ve only given you pleasure here before. Tonight your pussy will get a sample of pain as well.”

She swallowed so hard that he could hear the gulp.

Yep, this was going to be fun. As he kissed her, plunging his tongue deep, he cupped her ass with one hand and used his other hand to push his finger into her hot, wet cunt. Using the ball of his hand, he ground down on her clit as he thrust in and out. His tongue kept pace, driving her arousal higher. He could almost hear her endorphins start to dance.

He abandoned her pussy to rub her back firmly, letting the abrasiveness of his calloused palms rouse her tender skin. Another kiss and one more, simply for his enjoyment.

When he stepped back, her eyes held the gleam of a nicely aroused submissive.

After pulling the table of toys closer, he picked up a soft, wide-lashed flogger from the “good” side. Although a determined Dom could snap any flogger hard enough to hurt, this one was designed to be sensuous rather than painful. And he’d use it in that way. As he brushed the strands over her body, he studied the dark contrast of leather against her fair skin, the way her stomach muscles shivered, how her ass cheeks tried to draw away. Her pointing nipples grew tighter when he danced the tails over them.

Her breasts got a quick flick of the lash tips with enough of a sting to demonstrate he wasn’t putting any part of her off limits this time.

Her gasp of shock was a hint of how much fun she’d give him tonight.

Working her up, he took the time to spank her gently, teasing her clit between each set of five, slapping lightly over her shoulders and thighs before returning to pinken her ass further. Her soft, dimpled ass. A squeeze made her hiss. Made him grin.

“Give me a color.” Not as if he needed one. Her lips were open and rosy with excitement, eyes still clear. But they both needed to know she could speak.

“Green. I’m green.”

He laughed. “Actually, girl, you’re pink.” Leaning into her body, he ran his hands up her arms to check the tightness of her cuffs. Checked her ankle cuffs as he stepped back. All good. “Now I’m going to turn your skin red.”

The way her ass wiggled said she liked that.

This time he used a heavier flogger. Rotating his wrist, creating a figure eight, he slapped the falls up and down her outer thighs, ass cheeks, and upper back. A nice warm-up. Occasionally, he went lighter to sensitize her thighs, her stomach, and below her breasts, bringing the blood to the surface.

When he stopped, her eyes were fixed on him as if he were her lifeline. She was definitely aroused. Might as well have some more fun. He stepped close again, holding her nape in a hard grip, looking down at her. “Can you move at all, Linda?”

He almost grinned as she pulled at the restraints, learning that she couldn’t. The knowledge of her helplessness made her pupils dilate. She licked her lips.

“See, I don’t want you moving while I play with this.” He picked up the Wartenberg wheel, which had been located near the middle of the table.

LINDA FELT AS if her skin was vibrating with anxiety. Heavens, was he really going to use that thing on her? It looked like a slender pizza cutter, only some insane person had replaced the smooth roller with spiky pins. Why couldn’t he start with the gentle toys?

He smiled at her and lightly ran the thing over her stomach.

It tickled like a line of bugs crawling over her skin. As she tried to squirm away, he laughed, then moved to her back, using the wheel up and down the muscles along her spine, then down, pressing harder over her butt, drawing burning lines over her body. Her focus constricted as the wheel created a fine tapestry of pain. Over her stomach, upward to the tender undersides of her breasts, around her nipples. The tracks flamed through her, lassoing her with the wonderful bite. Her breasts grew heavier, and her nipples contracted as if trying to escape their fate.

When he paused, she looked down to see thin red lines on her pale skin. Despite the wheel’s cutting sensation, she saw no blood. Her gaze lifted to the toy, to his hand, to his face…to his eyes. He was watching her intently, studying her responses.

A tremor started from her toes, working upward to her scalp. How could his single-minded attention be more arousing than the pain?

The sun lines at the corners of his eyes crinkled. Then the wheel circled the perimeter of her left areola, turned, and ran straight over the tip. The slash of pain was like he’d drawn a knife over her. She gasped, her back arching, pressing forward as the brilliant heat burst inward.

His rasping chuckle scraped over her nerves, arousing her in an entirely different way. “Love those tits, girl.”

By the time he did her right nipple, her skin was on fire, sensitive and throbbing. After tossing the wheel onto the table, he cupped her breasts and firmly rubbed his calloused thumbs over the abused nipples.

Glorious, erotic rawness. Unsure if she hurt or felt wonderful, she whimpered.

Delight filled his eyes.

He switched to the palm-wide, leather-covered paddle, smacking her bottom over and over. The pain was—as Goldilocks said—just right. A lovely impact with not too much of a sting, and when he started hitting hard, the sensation reverberated straight through to her core. Her clit swelled and throbbed.

When he paused, she made a sound and pulled at her restraints in protest. Don’t stop.

He stepped in front of her, his face filling her vision. His grip on her hair pulled her head back, and he kissed her gently, luring her into responding before turning rough. Wet. Removing control from her in a way that took her willpower as well.

Her eyelids were heavy, but she couldn’t look away from his hard face—the dent in his square chin, lines around his eyes, strong nose. A five o’clock shadow darkened his jawline.

His firm lips quirked as she stared at him. “Like the paddle on your ass, do you? How about other places?”

He moved behind her, and light slaps ran down the backs of her thighs, then around to the fronts. To the insides. Stinging followed in the wake. Up and down and back up, arousal blossoming as the strikes approached the open area between her legs. Her whole body tensed with need. With fear…

Without speaking, he swatted the narrow paddle three times right on top of her labia and clit.

Oh God! The fireball turned into shockingly exquisite pleasure. She went up on tiptoes, hovering at the edge of release. The noise she made… She’d never heard that sound before.

The paddle dropped onto the table, and his wide hand covered her throbbing pussy. Heat on top of heat. “Almost went over, little girl.” His skilled fingers slid across her burning tissues in a purely erotic caress.

One digit circled her unbearably swollen clit. Moved down. As he slowly, slowly pushed a finger inside her, his keen blue eyes held hers trapped. She stared helplessly, unable to speak, only feel, as he pressed deeper. Fully in, he rubbed his thumb over her clit until her hips arched forward.

His laugh rumbled like the bass drum in an orchestra. “Soon enough, missy. First, I want to make you suffer.” His voice dropped. “Hear you scream.” The pale fire of his gaze held hers as he pressed down on her clit, making the swollen tissue hurt. Throb.

“Sam,” she whispered, and his eyes crinkled.

When he picked up the short two-tailed whip thing from the very end of the “bad” side of the table, her hands closed into fists. She hadn’t liked its looks before and liked it less now.

Slowly, repetitively, he lashed up and down her bottom, and the horrid stinging made her flinch and try to escape. Tears sprang to her eyes. Overflowed. Hurts.

When he stopped, she pulled in a shuddering breath. His beard-scratchy face rubbed against her wet cheek as he murmured, “Figured you wouldn’t like the quirt.”

The intense afterburn shimmered over her skin as if she’d slid headlong into a hot springs. She pushed the question out: “Why then?”

“Because I like seeing you squirm. And cry.” Gently, he kissed the tears from her cheeks. His voice dropped to a low, merciless rumble. “Because when you know that I can—and will—make you take more than you wanted, even when it hurts, you slide far deeper.”

Her body shook as she stared at the resolve—and satisfaction—in his face. The truth dug into her with pinpoint claws, because he was right. She wanted that ruthless part of him. With him, she wouldn’t have to beg for more, because he’d force her to where the sharp edge between pain and pleasure slipped away, and he’d keep her there, where her soul was bared to him.

As he read her surrender, his lips curved in a hard, hard smile.

When he released her from his gaze, she managed to draw in a breath.

After donning the furry glove she’d tossed on the “good” end of the table, he stroked her shoulder with the back of the glove. Fuzzy and soothing, yet her skin was so incredibly sensitive, she felt every tiny, soft strand. Her eyes half closed as he caressed her whole body.

“Like the glove?” The amusement in his voice pulled her eyes back open. “You didn’t really check it out, though.” He turned his glove-covered hand over and slid it, palm side down, across her collarbone to the top of her breast.

She sucked in a hard breath of air at the scritchy-scratchy feeling. When he lifted his hand, she saw the fur had concealed thumbtack-like points.

Alternating between the innocent fur side and the evil palm side, he glided over the tender places left by the quirt and the flogger. As her stomach muscles flinched, he pressed harder. “Don’t move, girl.”

“Mmm.” She should move, do something, but as the glove created swaths of sparkling pain all over her body, she was sliding down, down, down into her happy place. Into the shadow world where decisions were made by someone else. Where her body wasn’t really hers. Where the hurting and the yearning wove together into a basket that held her safely inside.

The glove spiraled up her inner thighs and, before she could tense, covered her pussy. A million spiky points pressed into her labia, ricocheting through her clit. God, she needed to come. Every cell in her body throbbed with burgeoning need, sharp and sweet, and she heard a long, husky moan. Hers.

The deep rumble was Sam’s laugh. “There’s a good girl.” Something pinched her chin, and she dragged her eyes open to see Sam’s icy ones. “Give me a color, Linda.”

Color? Oh, there was supposed to be a color. One to keep going. Her mind floated like foam on rolling waves. Continue or stop. Must continue. Like a stoplight. “Green. More. Green.”

He snorted. Then his lips touched hers in a gentle kiss. “For a little while, then.”

Something slapped against her bottom, and it hurt—maybe it hurt. She couldn’t even tell anymore as the molten sensation flowed through her. Caning. He was caning her, mostly on her bottom, light taps on her thighs, flicking at intervals between her legs hard enough to make her cry out. Hard enough to make her shake with need.

The wonderful edgy pattering continued on and on until her body felt so full of sensation that she was rocking. Humming. Her tipped-up lips tasted of the salt from her tears.

“I think you’re done, missy.” His voice splashed like rain into her warm pool of bliss. “I’m letting you loose.”

“More. Green. More.”

He chuckled, and his rough voice shivered over her, far sweeter than the whip. “You’re past the point where you can decide. No more.”

Coolness ringed her ankles when the cuffs came off. His fingers traced over her clit, circling, sending her to the edge, before he drew her legs together over the throbbing tissue.

Her whimper of protest got a laugh. He hooked an arm around her as he reached up to her wrists. Her shoulders seemed to groan—or was that her?—as her arms lowered.

“There we go,” he said. Her head bounced off the clouds as he lifted her up into his arms, but he was warm and solid and so very safe. Her eyes closed again…or had she opened them at all?

“Ask Peggy to clean up for me, please.”

Was he talking to her? She rubbed her cheek against him, listening to the low reverberation of sound in his chest. His musky fragrance sent need washing in hot waves over her.

A voice murmured.

“The toys go into a plastic bag. It all goes behind the bar.”

“Yes, Sir,” someone answered.

“Thanks, Tanner.”

He was walking. Carrying her. The noise from the clubroom was a lovely song of torment and joy. She tried to lift her head, to see what was happening. A railing. Stairs. They were going upstairs.

Okay.

When a door shut, she opened her eyes again.

One of those sawhorse things was in the center of the room. Sam deposited her, stomach down, along the length of the padded surface, moving her until her forearms and knees rested on lower supports on each side. The cold leather on her burning skin sent a chill through her.

Slow and sure, he positioned her breasts so they dangled free.

“Sam.” She blinked, unsure if she wanted—

He pinched her nipples, making her jolt. The carnal pain seared through her system, throwing her back into the clouds. Making him laugh.

As his hands moved over her roughly, harsh on her abused skin, the wonderfully hurtful caresses made her moan and squirm with need. “Please, Sam, I want—”

“I know, baby. And you’re going to get that.” He chuckled. “I want to hear you scream a little first.”

Her mind told her body to tense, but the anticipation of more was…wonderful. “More. Want more.”

“Yes. But this will be different. Let’s see how you like a clamp.”

She didn’t like clamps, did she? She tried to shake her head, but her cheek rested on the cushion and hadn’t moved.

He patted her hand. “I’m not going to restrain your arms, baby. Just your ass.” He tugged her body down toward the end of the horse so her butt stuck out. Something pressed into her left calf—a strap—then the right. Another one chilled the skin on her lower back, and she realized she couldn’t move her bottom at all. The sensation of being so exposed, so…ready…sent more need sizzling across her pussy. Want. Please, want.

He massaged her stinging ass cheeks, then smacked each one hard, and like coals with fresh tinder, the glow under her skin flamed up, searing through her in every color of the rainbow. Her moan shuddered inside her ribs before escaping.

Cold drizzled between her ass cheeks, making her squirm, and then he pressed something hard against her asshole. She instinctively tightened. Slowly he worked the plug through the rim of muscle, ruthlessly pushing in until her nerves sparkled like fireworks in the night. Confused, she tried to move, to escape, and couldn’t. Her bottom was held right there for his use.

Her hands opened and closed convulsively as she realized he’d do exactly what he wanted. Her arousal expanded like a balloon. Need to come. Oh, need to come.

When the anal plug plopped into place, throbbing and burning, she whimpered at the jagged onslaught of fresh pleasure.

She heard his belt, then the crinkle of a condom wrapper, and his grating laugh. “Now for the part that you’ll hate—and will really enjoy.”

What? The pulsing sense of need eroded her thoughts and tied her tongue.

His hands slid over her bottom, down her inner thighs. And then his fingers settled on her clit, pinching hard enough that she screamed and tried to buck.

The urgent coil in her lower belly tightened and grew.

His fingers released her. Then something else locked onto her clit, tighter and tighter, as if tiny teeth were gnawing on her. The exquisite bite was shocking, overwhelming, and everything inside her exploded. Oh God! Her body spasmed, tried to move…couldn’t…and the waves of sensation spread outward through her body, filling her mind.

Before she could recover, she felt his finger opening her labia. His thick cock pressed against her entrance, pushed inside, stretching her ferociously. Too much. As the tidal wave of ecstasy swept her away, she screamed.

LINDA’S SCREAM ALMOST sent Sam over the edge. The sound of a woman screaming and coming at the same time was the finest of wines, filling his soul. As her cunt convulsed around him in an unstoppable orgasm, her body shook like she’d break into pieces.

He gave her a few seconds to adapt to his entry, then pulled back and thrust in harder. Faster. Damned if she didn’t keep spasming around him. Couldn’t complain about that.

She finally sagged against the sawhorse, gasping for breath as if he’d held her underwater.

She was incredibly wet, and by God, he wanted to see her come again. He changed to a gentle sliding in and out as he ran his hands over her reddened back, savoring her moan. He’d never had someone more fun to play with. To hurt. To fuck.

He kept his thrusts slow enough to maintain control until she stirred. As her eyes blinked open, he ran his hands over the backs of her thighs. When his fingers encountered the tiny raised lines, he knew she’d get a fine burst of pain. As if in agreement, her cunt clenched around him, and he grinned. He could fuck her for years and never tire of it.

Mercilessly, he massaged her ass, pleased at the light welting, even more pleased at how she wiggled when the tender skin was further abused. As she started to pant, he tugged on the anal plug, adding new sensations. Overloading her system.

When he leaned forward, his cock rammed in deeper, right up against her cervix, and he heard her sharp inhalation, her attempt to squirm away. But the low back strap kept her right where he liked her, kept her feeling just what he wanted her to feel.

With his chest against her back, he reached around to palm her swaying breasts. Gorgeous breasts, heavy and large enough to fill his hands. He massaged them, tugged at them.

Her nipples were already sore from the wheel, the vampire glove, even a few hits from the quirt. When he pinched hard, her body stiffened, and her low shriek made him laugh. The way she tightened around his cock reaffirmed she was hardwired for pain, and those sensitive breasts made a direct circuit to her pussy. As he played with them, her breasts swelled, increasing his pleasure.

Increasing hers. She gave a sweet moan and slid deeper into subspace.

“That’s my girl.” He pounded into her hard enough to make the sawhorse rock. As he shoved her toward coming again, her cunt clamped down and tested his control.

Her breathing quickened, the sound mingling with her moans as he teased her nipples. Goddamn. His jaw clenched. His straining cock felt as if it would split; his balls seemed as if they’d been compressed between boards. Almost there—both of them.

Reaching around, he removed the clamp from her clit and could almost hear blood rush back into the abused nub. He drank in how her wailing scream filled the room, how her neck arched to lift her head, how her core clenched and spasmed around him as her orgasm hit her like a pile driver.

He gripped her hair, pulling as he released control and drove into her fast and hard. His balls were boiling, and the heat poured out of them and through his cock in bone-jolting jerks as he came and came and came.

God. Damn. With an effort, he released her hair and buried his face in the scented silkiness, content to stay just where he was—buried as deep as a man could go.