Torn

Chapter 13

Come Undone

Ben’s Journal

When Mom told me she was meeting Dahlia for lunch, I figured it was a perfect opportunity to leave Dahlia one of my notes. But when Mom came home later clearly upset, I had to wonder if that was why. Since she didn’t mention the note, I can only guess it wasn’t but that their lunch didn’t go well. She and Dahlia have always had a great relationship and the last thing I want is for their connection to suffer because of me.

I’ve never had that kind of relationship until I went to New York City and I was lucky enough to make friends with the head of the English Department at NYU. George took me under his wing and we quickly became friends. We’d go out for a beer or two after swimming laps and we’d discuss life in general, sports, and even his divorce, but I never told him about my life here—I’m wondering if I should have? I could really use him right now.

I’ve decided to take Dahlia up on her offer and plan to move back into our house. I need to help relieve the stress mom is feeling. When Serena gave me the note Dahlia left her that said, “Give these to Ben, the house is his,” I was surprised. I thought she would respond to my note, but she ignored it and sent that instead.

Trying really hard to find a reason not to drown myself in a bottle of Jack, I started to move my things back into our house. Well, my house now.

What the fuck am I going to do? I have no life left here—no job and definitely not my girl. I’ve tried to call her numerous times and she won’t answer my calls. I’m beginning to wonder if she’ll ever talk to me again. I thought I would be able to break through to her, but she seems determined not to talk to me. I really just want some time alone with her, to explain further. No, I really just want her back.

Caleb is also pissed as hell at me right now. When I went back to our house, it was still there—the old key holder. I knew she’d never get rid of it. I took it off the wall and pulled the cap off the end. The data chip was still there. I didn’t want any of that information anymore, so I called Caleb and gave it to him to take to the agency. He told me he just fucking knew I kept shit. He reamed me, asking me if I had any idea the danger I had put Dahlia in. Honestly at the time, I really didn’t. I wanted her to have it in case. In case of what?—I don’t even know anymore.