Unbeautifully

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

“Where the fuck is Ripper?” Deuce demanded, glancing around his office at all his boys. He pinned Mick with a glare. “I told you to have everybody here when I got in.”

Arms folded across his chest, his VP shrugged. “Called him six fuckin’ times, Prez. He wasn’t even tryin’ to pick that shit up.”

“He got outta here pretty quick after lockdown,” Hawk said from across the room. “Probably shot outta town and is shacked up in some no-tell motel, stackin’ pancakes as we speak.”

Deuce shook his head. “If he can’t drag his sorry ass outta bed when I call a meeting, I ain’t repeatin’ jack shit for him. One of you assholes will have to tell ’im.”

“This about Big Jay?” Tap asked.

He nodded. “Hit went down last night. Demons took him out clean, half his crew too. The rest scattered, some were caught, are bein’ interrogated as we speak, and some got away. Way it goes.”

“What about his bitch of a sister?” Cox growled, his hand automatically going to the piece he kept under his cut.

Deuce eyed him; Cox and Ripper had always been tight, only a year apart and had been brought into the club around the same time, no family, no friends. They’d grown real close real fast and Mama Vi had specifically threatened Ripper.

He shook his head. “No one knows. But she hasn’t surfaced as of yet and Preacher doesn’t think she’s gonna, not without backup. She wasn’t the brains of the operation, just the muscle, and by muscle I mean a big bag of crazy willin’ to do whatever’s necessary. Ain’t too much she can do without the big man tellin’ her which way is up, but still keep your eyes out for her or anyone else outta LA who might be nursin’ a revenge hangover.”

“That’s it, right, Prez?” Jase asked, his eyes on the door, obviously itching to see Dorothy after a week on the road.

“Respect your prez much, asshat?” Hawk muttered. Jase’s narrowed gaze shot to Hawk and the guy met him stare for stare.

“Brother, what the fuck is your problem?” Jase asked, jerking his chin up.

“I ain’t your brother,” Hawk shot back.

The occupants of the room went eerily still. It was a low blow for any Horseman to say that to another, even worse because these were two of his lifers, patched in and loyal to the fucking bone. Whatever was going on between them wasn’t going to fly, and needed to be reeled in right the fuck now.

Cursing under his breath, Deuce pushed his chair away from his desk and got to his feet.

“Explain yourself,” he directed at Hawk. “Now.”

Just as Hawk’s mouth opened, Dirty was suddenly beside him, shoving the guy toward the door.

“Hawk’s been pukin’ his guts up the whole time you fuckers were gone,” Dirty said over his shoulder, smacking Hawk’s head forward when the guy kept trying to glare at Jase. “Had a fever and shit. I’ve been sitting by his side, holding his hair up and rubbin’ his tummy and shit, and he still ain’t feelin’ so hot.”

The door slammed behind them and Jase turned to him. “What the fuck?” he shouted. “Prez, you gonna let that shit stand?”

Feeling more like an elementary school principal than an MC president, Deuce turned to his VP. “Somethin’ go down around here that I need to know about?”

Mick gave him a blasé shrug. “Fuck if I know what these fuckers are doin’ with themselves. I got kids and shit, can’t be babysittin’ grown-ass men all the time.”

“Get out,” he said irritably, gesturing to his office doors. “All of you, get the fuck out.”

One by one his boys left until only Blue remained.

Deuce eyed the old man. “Somethin’ you need?”

“Worried ’bout you, boy,” Blue said quietly.

He gaped at him. Who the fuck called a fifty-year-old man a boy? But then again, nobody knew Blue’s true age. Never had any of the brothers known Blue without a full head of long white hair and an equally white beard. The man’s eyes were a milky cataract-infested mess, his teeth long ago rotted out, and his skin nothing but a mass of mottled wrinkles. Yet, he was healthy as a horse and could throw back a bottle like he was twenty-five when in all likelihood he was a hundred and sixty.

“You’re hurtin’,” Blue continued. “And ain’t no one blamin’ you for that. You and Eva sure done been through some shit. But, Deuce, this shit ain’t your fault, it ain’t Eva’s fault, it ain’t no one’s fault ’cept for Frankie and he’s long gone.”

Used to these longwinded bullshit speeches from Blue, Deuce sat down heavily in his desk chair and prayed it would be over soon.

“I get you, always have,” Blue said. “Reaper was a special brand of bastard, we all knew it, and we all watched you growin’ up fightin’ for your next breath. You never knew nothin’ else, always fightin’, even with Eva you were still fightin’. You don’t gotta be fightin’ anymore.”

“I ain’t fightin’ nothin’,” he growled. “You—”

“You got ghosts,” Blue interrupted. “I know it. Hell, we all fuckin’ know it. You got ’em followin’ you everywhere you fuckin’ go. You got Reaper breathin’ down your neck and now Frankie’s back there too. You ain’t gonna move forward unless you dig yerself a hole and throw that bullshit six feet under, set it on fuckin’ fire and bury that shit. Otherwise you ain’t no good to no one, least of all yerself.”

Fuuuuck this shit.

“Shut up, old man,” he bit out. “I’ve had enough motherfuckers tellin’ me what I should and shouldn’t be doin’ lately.”

“She loves you,” Blue continued, ignoring him. “A fuckin’ dumbass could see that. You’re pushin’ her away again and she’s leavin’ this time, mark my word, Deuce. She’s leavin’ you this time.”

“She ain’t leavin’,” he said through his teeth. Was she? Did he even care?

His jaw clenched. Yeah, he did and no way was she leaving.

Blue shook his head again.

“You stupid? Ain’t no woman gonna walk away from a man just ’cause he’s crazy or ’cause his job ain’t all sunshine and roses. Fact, you bein’ crazy, this life bein’ what it is, is probably only makin’ her love you more. Women are stupid like that. But you’re fuckin’ yourself. You don’t start givin’ that girl what she needs and she’s gone, and listen to me when I tell you, you ain’t never gonna find a woman who loves you like that one does.”

Deuce closed his eyes, remembering.

Bending down in front of Eva, he looked into her eyes. “What do you want, babe?”

She turned away from him and hid behind her hair, but not before he saw her turn bright fucking red.

He filled with primal male satisfaction. She wanted him. Her, a fucking angel in a mess of demons, wanted him, one of the biggest fucking demons he knew.

“Say it,” he said harshly.

Fuck. What the fuck was he doing?

She turned back to him and tucked her hair behind her ears. God, that face. That sweet, perfect face.

“You a virgin, Eva?” He already knew the answer.

“Yes,” she whispered. Christ.

He leaned in closer, close enough to smell the nicotine and beer on her breath. “You ever been kissed, darlin’?”

She sucked in a sharp breath. “No,” she breathed.

Good. So fucking good.

He turned his head and rubbed his cheek up against hers, inhaling her strawberry-scented hair.

“You wanna be kissed?” he whispered in her ear.

He licked the skin just behind her ear and she shivered. He sucked on her skin, bit down lightly, and rolled it between his teeth.

She was breathing hard, her pulse in her neck fluttering wildly against his mouth. He started sucking with vigor and her legs fell open. He took advantage and shoved himself between them.

He spread kisses across her neck and under her chin, up to her cheek, kissing a line to her mouth. His lips met hers. She trembled.

“One more time, babe,” he said, low and raspy. “You wanna be kissed?”

“Yes,” she whimpered.

Yeah, he’d fallen hard, been forever ruined by a goddamn sixteen-year-old in the stairwell of the Silver Demons MC. Not a day had gone by since that he hadn’t thought of her, and still nothing had changed. Next to the club, Eva was his whole world.

Blue shrugged. “But what the fuck do I know. My old lady died over thirty years ago. Hardly remember what lookin’ at a woman worth lookin’ at feels like.”

Deuce barely remembered Gladys but he’d seen the old black and whites of her and Blue from back in the day when Reaper still ran the Horsemen and Blue still had teeth. She’d been damn beautiful. Dead ringer for Natalie Wood. Way too good-looking for an asshole like Blue. Cancer took her in her fifties and Blue hadn’t gotten back on a bike since. In fact, he was surprised Blue had even gotten off the barstool for the meeting.

“Go home, son,” Blue said as he shuffled toward the doors. “Go home and take back your woman.”

Dropping his head in his hands, Deuce closed his eyes. Blue was right. The stupid fucker was always right. And Preacher, that stupid fucker, had only been half right. Telling him to go fuck away his problems had been a catastrophe.

“My name’s Heather,” the whore slurred.

“Clothes,” he barked, unbuckling his belt. “Off. Now.”

Grinning, she swayed drunkenly and tried to salute him. “Aye, aye, Captain. Or should I call you Mr. President?”

“How about,” he growled, shoving down his boxers, “you shut the fuck up, finish takin’ your clothes off, and then you get down on your fuckin’ knees.”

Laughing, she pushed down her jeans and kicked them away, leaving her in a purple T-shirt and a matching thong. And that was good enough.

Grabbing her, he bent her over the railing and kicked her legs apart. Reaching between them, he pulled her thong aside and then palming his cock, pushed up against her and tried to push inside.

“Fuck,” he muttered as his partial erection went completely flaccid. “Fuck!”

Grabbing the back of her neck, he swung her around and shoved her down on the floor. “Suck it,” he said, pushing her face in his crotch.

Gripping his thigh, she grabbed his cock, filling her mouth, and he closed his eyes, trying to think about anything other than Eva.

Frankie grunting on top of Eva.

Eva whimpering.

Eva crying.

Eva…

Coming.

Frankie grinning.

Grinning.

Fuck.

Eva.

Eva.

Eva.

Fuck him.

“This ain’t workin’, honey.”

He glared down at the whore.

No shit, it wasn’t working. Nothing in his life was working.

Grabbing his boxers and jeans, he dressed quickly.

Still buttoning her jeans, she staggered by him. “I wouldn’t worry ’bout it, baby,” she said. “Happens to all you old dudes all—”

Anger at Frankie, at Eva, anger at the whole goddamn world powered through him and he reacted, grabbed the back of her hair and yanked her backward, then thrust her forward, power-slamming her face into the drywall. Still holding her hair, he dragged her away from the wall and with a hard shove, sent her sprawling down the hallway.

“What the fuck!” she screamed, scrambling to her feet. Tentatively she touched her lips and nose and her hands came away bloody. Seeing them, seeing the blood, she looked up at him and started to scream.

Jesus motherfucking Christ.

“SHUT UP!” he roared, pulling his gun from the inside of his cut and aiming it at her. “JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

She didn’t. The bitch just stood there, covered in the blood from her broken nose, screaming, sounding like something out of a bad horror movie. Fuck it. She was annoying him.

Thumbing the hammer, he slipped his pointer finger over the trigger, cocked and—

“Deuce!” Preacher shouted, jumping in front of him. “Put the damn gun away!”

He didn’t. He couldn’t.

He wanted someone else to hurt.

Someone who wasn’t him.

Grabbing his shoulders, Preacher leaned in close. “Deuce, lemme take care of this bitch.”

When he didn’t respond, Preacher gave him a hard shake. “Go home, brother,” he said firmly. “You need to go the fuck home.”

He did.

He needed to go home right the fuck now and take back his woman.

• • •

Eva stared down at her cell phone, at the text message Deuce had sent her only moments ago.

You home?

No. At Kami’s. Why?

Meet me at home.

Why?

GO. HOME.

“Foxy?”

Startled, she glanced up and found Cox looming over the couch she was sitting on.

“When did you get home?” she asked.

“Just now.” He nodded at her phone. “That Prez?”

She could sense anger in Cox’s tone, see it in the tight lines of his face, and didn’t understand what she could have possibly done to warrant any sort of negative reaction from him.

“Yes,” she said warily.

“What’s he want?”

“Cox, I’m not sure that’s any of your business.”

At his sides, Cox’s fists clenched. “The fuck it isn’t,” he hissed. “You think I’m stupid? You think I don’t know you’re ready to split? Don’t get me wrong, Eva, I don’t fuckin’ blame you, but bitch, you take off and I know Kami’s gonna follow you. I ain’t gonna let that happen.”

“Cox,” she said quietly. “Kami married you. You have a son together. She isn’t going to leave.”

His nostrils flared. “The fuck she isn’t. I know her. She loves you more than she loves me and that’s fine, I fuckin’ accepted that shit a while back, but no fuckin’ way am I gonna let you take her from me. I’ve been watchin’ this shit comin’ from a mile away and I can’t keep my mouth shut no more. Fix this shit with Prez and fix it quick because I swear to fuckin’ god if you don’t, bitch, and I lose—”

“Cox!” Kami screamed, stalking into the room. “Shut your stupid Mexican mouth!”

Cox glared at her. “Bitch, I’m Puerto Rican!”

She waved her hand dismissively. “Whatever. Don’t you have some lawns to mow?”

“I’m Puerto fuckin’ Rican!”

“What! Ever!

“Bitch! Don’t you got some rich boy cock you need to suck off for a new pair a fuckin’ shoes?”

“Fuck you!”

“No, bitch, fuck you! I’m fuckin’ Puerto Rican! Say it, Kami, say Puerto Rican!”

“No!”

“Say it!”

“American Indian!”

Eva quickly got to her feet. “I’m, um, going to—”

Cox spun on her. “You’re gonna to go fix this shit!” he bellowed. “Before it ain’t just Prez who’s fallin’ apart, but my fuckin’ family and the whole goddamn club!”

“Don’t you dare blame her for anything!” Kami hissed.

“See!” Cox roared. “You’re always sidin’ with her! You’d jump off a fuckin’ bridge if she did!”

“Yes, I would!” Kami shrieked. “Did you actually think there was a chance I’d choose some hot Cuban piece of ass over my Evie?”

“PUERTO RICAN!”

While they were busy screaming at each other, Eva was able to slip from the living room unnoticed and head down the hall toward Devin’s playroom. She found both kids on the couch, sharing a handheld video game and a pair of circumaural headphones stretched out over top of both their heads. She paused in the doorway, watching them, unable to stop the memory that assaulted her…

On top of a picnic table, she and Frankie were sitting side by side sharing a pair of earbuds. Her Discman was wedged between them, and their heads were pressed together while they rocked out to Led Zeppelin’s “Dazed and Confused.” She had her arm slung over Frankie’s broad shoulders, his hand was sliding up and down her thigh, his fingers tapping out the beat of the song.

“Miss Fox?”

Eva blinked at Devin’s nanny, Kajika.

“Are you all right?” she asked.

“Sorry,” Eva murmured, shaking herself out of the memory. “Just thinking.”

“We can learn much from children,” Kajika said, smiling at Devin and Ivy. “They view the world as it is, innocent and waiting for them, like a playground ready to be explored.”

“Yes,” Eva whispered, staring at her daughter. “They do.”

“Can I share something my grandfather once told me, Miss Fox?” Kajika quietly asked.

Eva nodded.

“There is an old story passed down through the generations of a Native American grandfather counseling his young grandson, telling him that he has two wolves living inside of him, constantly fighting each other for dominance. One is the wolf of peace, love, and kindness. The other represents fear, greed, and hatred. The boy asks, ‘Which wolf will win, Grandfather?’ and the wise old man replies, ‘Whichever one I feed.’ ”

Eva stared at her, wondering what the woman was talking about.

“I’m sorry,” Eva said, “but I don’t under—”

“May I be frank?” Kajika asked.

“Of course.”

“It’s no secret you are in pain; it is also no secret why. Not in this house.”

Eva snorted. Nothing was secret in Cox and Kami’s house. Both of their neighbors, each a mile away in opposite directions, could hear the two of them screaming at each other. Eva was surprised Kajika had stayed as long as she had.

“You’re afraid,” she continued. “And if I know it, he does too.”

He being Deuce, Eva guessed.

“And your fear is perpetuating his, a vicious cycle that unless stopped will do nothing but continue to grow. Before you know it, you will no longer know each other.”

Kajika’s dark eyes looked kindly upon her. “You must feed the wolf of peace some love before it is too late.”

Eva said nothing; there was nothing to say. Kajika was right. She was afraid. Afraid and ready to run, just as she’d always done where Deuce and she were concerned.

After planting a kiss on Devin’s cheek and gathering up Ivy, Eva gave Kajika a small smile and headed outside.

Once she and Ivy were settled inside her truck, she called Deuce back.

He answered after only one ring. “Where you at?”

She swallowed hard. “Still at Kami’s.”

He cleared his throat, something he never did. He was hesitating. Her stomach dropping with dread, Eva held her breath and waited for what would come next.

“You headed home?”

“Do you really want me to?” she whispered.

“Yeah,” he said gruffly. “I do.”

Don’t be afraid, she reminded herself. Don’t be afraid. But she couldn’t help it. She was terrified of what might happen, but more so of what might not happen.

“Deuce—”

“Just do it, Eva. We gotta talk.”

Biting her lip, she looked out the window, across the beautifully manicured field that constituted Cox and Kami’s front yard. She couldn’t handle another failed attempt at being together. It would break her.

She took a deep breath. “Okay,” she whispered. She had barely gotten the word out before he hung up.

“Mama?”

Shoving her phone in her purse, she glanced over at her daughter. “Yeah, baby?”

“You sad?”

Eva swiped at the tears running down her cheeks.

“Just a little bit, baby,” she whispered, leaning over the bench seat to place a kiss on her daughter’s chubby, dimpled cheek, then ran her fingers through her tight blonde curls. “But mama’s gonna be okay. I promise.”

With a heavy sigh, she put the truck in gear and headed home.