Unbeautifully

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

“Dude,” Hawk whispered, poking Ripper in the arm with his fork. “You need to stop.”

Ripper glanced away from Danny and ZZ to glare at Hawk.

“Fuck you, you fuckin’ hypocrite,” he said. “And fuck off.”

He couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of here. The only reason he was still here was because Dorothy had begged him to stay for breakfast. Which should have been quick and painless. Only he hadn’t counted on having to be seated at the opposite end of the table, directly across from ZZ and Danny, forced to watch the brother manhandle her.

She was a goddamn motherfucking whore. Letting ZZ touch her after he’d fucked her.

Hawk shrugged. “The boys know, brother. They been talkin’ all night about the way you two have been lookin’ at each other, guessin’ that it’s ’cause of Danny you took off. Only reason Z hasn’t figured it out is ’cause he’s always neck-deep in her.”

He didn’t give a fuck who knew. He’d be out of here soon enough and if Deuce happened to find out somewhere down the line, fuck it, he’d be more than happy to let the guy put him out of his misery.

“Gotta tell you, Ripper, no one’s happy ’bout you disrespectin’ Prez like that.”

“Oh yeah,” he shot back. “You’re one to talk, asshole.”

Hawk shook his head. “It ain’t the same, brother, and you know it.”

“Fuck you,” he growled. “She killed my motherfuckin’ kid and you’re spoutin’ off about disrespect.”

Hawk’s eyebrows hit his hairline. “Oh fuck,” he breathed.

“Yeah,” Ripper spat. “So you can see—”

Hawk stabbed him with his fork. Again. “That ‘oh fuck’ wasn’t for you, you fuckin’ asshat. It was for Danny. Shit makes sense now. Her goin’ crazy the way she did. Nobody knew what the fuck was wrong.”

Ripper’s mouth flatlined. “If she woulda told me, I woulda come home.”

Hawk’s face twisted with doubt. “You sure about that, dude? I mean, if that’s true, why did you leave in the first place?”

Yeah, he was fucking sure, what the fuck was Hawk think—

Fuck.

Brother had a point. He’d left so she’d have a better life, one without secrets and bad memories and…him.

Would he have come back? For his kid? For her?

Yeah. Yeah, he fucking would have.

As it was, Hawk only knew half the story. He didn’t have a clue that Danny had killed Nikki. No one knew except him and Danny.

Oh, fuck.

Cox knew Nikki was dead. And if what Hawk said was true, that the boys had figured his shit out, then…

He glanced over to where Cox was sitting, Kami on his lap, trying to eat around her.

He stared at his friend until Cox looked up and caught his gaze.

And yeah, Cox knew. The motherfucker had figured it out. From the looks of it, he wasn’t happy with him either.

Feeling sick, Ripper stood up quickly, causing his chair to scrape loudly against the floor. The entire table of brothers, their old ladies, their kids…all looked up at him and the room went uncomfortably silent.

He felt his brothers’ eyes on him, felt the tension emanating from all around the table, and knew Hawk had been right. With the exception of a few people, the ones who didn’t know yet, no one was happy with him.

Maybe he should have cared about that. Cared that his brothers, his only family, men he’d worked side by side with for years, killed for, and nearly died protecting, thought he was a piece of fucking garbage. But he didn’t.

He only had eyes for one person.

And she was refusing to look at him.

He never should have left.

But it was done. He couldn’t take it back and he couldn’t make it right. There was nothing he could do except add it to his long list of mistakes.

He cleared his throat. “I’m out,” he said.

Dorothy smiled up at him. “See you soon?”

Everyone else looked away.

“Sure,” he muttered.

And left.

• • •

Ripper was leaving.

Again.

And I felt like I was dying.

Again.

My stomach started churning and my body grew clammy.

This couldn’t happen.

This couldn’t happen again.

He couldn’t leave.

He couldn’t leave me, again.

“I gotta go to the bathroom,” I whispered to ZZ and quickly stood up, painfully aware of Hawk’s knowing eyes on me.

As soon as I’d cleared the kitchen, I broke into a run, racing down the hallway, through the front room, and slammed through the front door, stumbling out into the sunlight.

Ripper was already on his bike, stopped at the gate, punching in the code.

As if he could sense me there, he paused and turned.

And my heart broke for the millionth time since prom night.

It was all there, everything he was feeling, everything I needed to know, written all over his face.

He loved me.

And he hated me.

I stood there for a long time, long after the dust his Harley kicked up in his wake had settled.

I lost something that day, a piece of me that’s still out there, standing in that parking lot, staring after the man I loved.