Underestimated

Chapter 2

I woke later than I had wanted to. I had so much to get done yet, and here I was still in bed at almost nine. I wasn’t sure what time the exhaustion had finally won, and I fell asleep, but I did feel rested. I walked out to Lauren’s living room, and it was empty. Her bedroom door was opened, so I peeked in, it was empty too. Maybe she had to work.

I walked down the hall and took in the portraits down the left side of the wall. I knew that Lauren had a much better childhood than I had. There were several pictures of her and her sister, I assumed. They both had the strawberry blonde hair and were built with the same short but not too short build. There were two other pictures of the two girls and their parents. I presumed that Lauren was the older of the two by the graduation picture.

I slipped on my flip-flops and walked across the road to my own house. My own house, I said, smiling to myself again. Panic struck once more when I noticed my front door open. I relaxed almost immediately the closer I got. I could hear the country music playing.

I looked in the smaller bedroom, and it was empty, but the walls had been washed, curtains hung, and the wood floor shined. I laughed when I heard Lauren singing something about having friends in low places. She was singing in a deep voice, not her own I was sure. I opened the door with a grin.

“What on earth are you doing?” I asked, seeing her on the floor with a bottle of Murphy’s oil soap and a rag. The curtains were hung there too, and I loved them. The white curtains with the black, willow tree pattern accented the gray walls perfectly.

“Sorry, I hope you don’t mind. I am used to getting up at four in the morning for work. I was up by five and didn’t want to wake you.”

“You should have woken me,” I claimed. “What on earth do you do that you have to get up at four in the morning?”

“Lauren and Levi,” she said. Like I knew what that meant.

“Uh?”

“Oh, sorry I forgot. You’re not from around here, Lauren and Levi in the morning. I’m a radio host.”

“Really? You talk on the radio?” I asked, intrigued. “Now I know I have to go buy a radio.”

“Yup, I work from five am to one pm.”

“I bet it’s country too, right?” I smiled.

She didn’t answer and only looked up with a smile. “I brought coffee over if you want a cup.”

“I do, but I want you to stop this, and come and drink one with me.”

We sat on the deck overlooking the ocean and drank our coffee. I was so glad that Lauren was my neighbor. I loved her already. I wondered why there was no man, or was there? I should probably wait until I know her a little better before I ask.

“Are you divorced yet?” Lauren asked, breaking my thoughts about her love life.

I looked at her with a pensive expression, holding my cup to my lips.

“Relax, will you already?” she requested. “You have a tan line around your finger.”

I looked at my finger. Sure enough, she was right. I wondered if makeup would cover that for a few days or weeks. How long does it take to get rid of wedding ring evidence?

“I have never been married,” I said with a warning look. She laughed.

“Yeah right, okay, Ms. Mystery, but let me inform you, I will eventually gain your trust and you will confess all of your deep dark secrets to me. Your skeletons will be bowing at my feet. ”

I looked at her with a serious expression. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, Lauren.”

“I’m joking, Riley”

I smiled at her. “How the hell am I supposed to get down to the beach from here?” I asked, wanting off of the subject of me.

“There’s a path. I’ll show you, but right now we have floors to clean.” She stood and patted my knee.

By eleven o’clock, we were finished. I couldn’t sit still. I was noticeably hyper and wanted my delivery, now.

Lauren showed me the path to get to the beach. It was rather steep and rocky, but nothing that I couldn’t handle. I should have my house all together by the next day, and planned to venture down there and explore my new surroundings.

Lauren never left me. She stayed until five in the evening until the last picture was hung on the wall. I loved it, and I loved her. My house was complete, and I only needed to go shopping for a few odds and ends that I had forgotten. Food! Yes. I had to do that. If I forgot to get food one more day, I was going to turn myself into a crazy house.

I hugged Lauren before she left and thanked her again.

“I don’t like mushy friends,” she teased with a warning look. “You are more than welcome. Oh yeah, what’s your cell number?” she asked, pulling hers from her back jeans pocket.

“I don’t have one,” I said, and she cocked her head.

“There is a Radio Shack right beside ‘Reminiscent,’ where you will be working. You should probably have a phone.”

“I am not sure I want one just yet. I think that I should wait a while.”

“Afraid of being found?” she asked. I wasn’t about to answer that one. She left shaking her head as she skipped across my yard. My yard, I smiled.

I showered and was bouncing off the walls as I entered my new living room. I couldn’t wait to lie on the black comfy leather sofa and watch a movie. That was my plans for that Saturday night. I was going to the grocery store first, not about to get sidetracked or forget that again. Then I was going to rent a movie or two and come back, lie on my couch and eat spaghetti. I loved spaghetti and Drew had hated it. The only time I would get it was when he took me to ‘Trattoria da Cesare,’ a famous Italian restaurant on Las Vegas Boulevard, I mean Carson Boulevard. I giggled to myself and felt like a giddy little teenager.

I was home by eight, listening to my new radio and country music as I chopped the needed ingredients for my spaghetti. I wondered what Lauren was doing. I should invite her over for spaghetti. I wished I could call her. I looked out the front door, and there were no lights on. She wasn’t home. I went out to the back deck and gazed out at the moon over the ocean. For the first time in an awful long time I felt light-hearted and had a new sense of calm.

I would never again worry about what kind of mood Drew was going to be in when he got home. I would never again worry about focusing on what I could do to improve myself so that I didn’t set him off. I would focus on me for the first time in my life. I clasped my hands together and pressed them to my lips, almost as if I were praying and thanking God for my courage to do what I had done, and be where I was standing. I truly was grateful.

My new sense of being was shattered once again when I heard the loud knock on the door. Would I ever get used to this? Would I ever be able to breathe and not think that it was someone there to get me?

I looked out and saw Lauren. She pushed herself in carrying a bag and busily started talking as she removed its contents.

“So, I figured I might as well get this myself. It was pretty obvious that you were not going to,” she said handing me the new cellphone. “You have to have a phone, Riley,” she assured me.

“Lauren, I can’t accept this.” I tried to hand it back.

“Hmm, this looks good,” she said, sticking her finger in my homemade sauce, ignoring me.

“Lauren!”

“Look, Riley. I don’t know what your story is, and I am not going to pry. If you ever need to talk I am here, and you never have to worry about me saying anything to anyone. Even if you never tell me your story, you still need a phone. It’s pretty clear that you are afraid of having a phone in your name, so I put it on my plan. I am not giving you anything. The phone was free to add a line, and you can pay me the monthly thirty five dollar payment. Okay?”

How could I argue with that? Why was she, so hell bent on being nice to me? Not that I was complaining, it just felt sort of superficial. No. Stop it, Morg, I mean, Ry, not everyone has a motive.

“Thank you, Lauren. Would you like to stay for supper?”

“No, but I want leftovers tomorrow. I kind of have a visitor that I need to get back to. I put my number in your phone already, in case you need anything. I’m leaving before you hug me again.”

I laughed and watched her walk back to her house. There was a guy building a fire off to the side of her house. I watched as he wrapped her in his arms and kissed her. I wondered who he was and if he was her boyfriend.

I finally sat down to enjoy my spaghetti and the movie ‘Wanderlust with Jennifer Aniston.’ I couldn’t contain my nosiness and peeked through the crack in the curtains across the yard every now and then. I watched Lauren lead her friend into her house by the hand around eleven. She probably wouldn’t tell me about him unless I asked. I wouldn’t, I mean, it wasn’t like I was sharing any part of my life with her.

I slept like a baby in my new bed but woke a little too early, thanks to Lauren. I reached for my new cellphone on the nightstand and read the new text.

“You up?”

“I am now,” I answered.

“Make coffee, I’m on my way over.”

Okay. I said out loud, forcing myself out of bed. I didn’t even have time to completely finish peeing before she was knocking on my door.

“Good morning,” she said, way too happy. I glanced at the clock, and it was only eight. I wasn’t sure I liked her much anymore. She walked past me and started the coffee herself.

“I’m going to brush my teeth,” I said and left her alone. When I returned she was in my refrigerator, retrieving the leftover spaghetti.

“Want some?”

“No. Help yourself.” I sarcastically replied.

I sat on my new sofa, and she talked. Not about anything particular, she was just rattling on about this and that. I sleepily listened and wished I had slept another hour while she warmed up my leftovers.

“What are you doing today?” she asked, pushing my feet off the couch so that she could sit.

There is a chair right there.

“I want to walk down to the beach. Other than that, I guess I don’t have any. Why?”

“I bowl on Sunday afternoon. Wanna come?” she asked, sucking spaghetti through her lips.

“No. I don’t think so, but thanks.”

“Come on, Riley, it’s fun. I will introduce you to some of my friends.”

“I will, Lauren, just not today.”

“Okay.” she replied, and I was glad that she didn’t insist. I certainly wasn’t up for meeting new people yet.

I dressed in a pair of dark blue wind pants with two small white stripes, and a white cotton shirt, unbuttoned overtop of a red t-shirt. I was definitely going shopping for new clothes. Yes. I did once wear worse than what I had now, but I had gotten used to the designer clothing that was a vital part of my life for the past six years. Somewhere in-between this and that would be good, I decided as I tied the also used sneakers. I felt ashamed of myself. I shook my head in disbelief of wearing someone else’s shoes. There was a time in my life that my toes cramped, curled in the only shoes that I had to wear, probably two sizes too small.

I started down the path, holding onto the boulders as I made my way to the beach. This was surely not what I had pictured when I thought about living by the beach. From what I had seen so far, there was no beach. I climbed and maneuvered my way through the sarsens. Some of the spaces between the rocks were barely wide enough to squeeze through. It was probably a good thing that I was required to keep in shape. Finally, I was in the clearing. I moaned a disgusted breath when I saw that the large peak that I had been looking at from my deck, didn’t allow room for walking. The only way I would be able to walk north was sprint while the tide gave maybe a foot of wet sand. I would do it, just not that day. I chose instead to walk south. The beach was nice, and I decided that I had found my new favorite place when in a distance I witnessed a pirate ship. I knew that it wasn’t a real pirate ship, but with the many sails, it could have passed as one. The windjammer was moving away from the lighthouse on a peak in the distance.

I sat on a hard rock and pulled my knees to my chest. The air was crisp, but the sun warmed my face, and felt invigorating as I contemplated living there. I closed my eyes and breathed the sea air and the suns heat into my lungs. I was here. I did it, and I was never looking back. My meditation was interrupted when a friendly yellow lab barked and placed his paws on the rock that I was perched on.

“Hello there,” I said, petting him. I looked up to see where his owner was. There was an older gentleman walking toward me with a smile and a crooked stick in one hand.

“Sorry about that,” he said as he approached lifting his walking stick and poking it into the sand with every step. I noticed that he walked with a limp and assumed the stick was for support.

“Oh, it’s okay. I think he just wanted to say hi,” I said, sliding from the rock.

“I’m John Hunter. I live about a mile north of here,” he explained pointing to the peak with his stick.

“I’m Riley,” I offered, omitting my last name. I forgot it again, but just for a second. “I live right up there,” I pointed, kind of in the right direction. He didn’t need to know which house. You live on the other side of the peak?” I asked, wondering how he got around it.

“Yup, you have about three hours of sand before the ocean takes it back. This hour and two more,” he smiled.

“Thanks. I will remember that.” I bent to pick up a piece of sea glass that the sun had radiated on, catching my eye. I wiped it with my thumb, feeling the smooth surface.

“Purple,” John said, admiring the sea glass, “extremely uncommon. May I?” he asked, reaching for my sea glass find.

I handed it over to him and asked, “Why is purple uncommon?”

“Well, believe it or not, it started out as clear glass, used in a variety of applications from beverage bottles, food containers, decorative tableware, door knobs, and more. It could have even come from an old car windshield,” he explained and handed it back. “Wanna know something else?”

“Sure,” I replied.

“A purple sea glass find is considered to bring good luck. You should make a necklace or bracelet out of it,” he added.

Good luck? I could use that.

“Come on boy,” he called to his wandering dog. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Riley,” he nodded and went about his walk.

I spent two hours on the beach, looking for more sea glass. I didn’t find any more. My stomach began to remind me that it needed fed, and I walked back up the path. Going down was a lot easier than getting back up.

I didn’t see Lauren again that day. I was starting to get a little antsy about starting my new job the next day. I made myself hotdogs and french-fries for supper and felt a little sneaky about it. Drew would have never eaten a hotdog. I also watched reality T.V, something else that Drew refused to watch. I seriously needed to stop doing things just because Drew would hate them, but it did make me feel like I was twisting the knife just a little, which made me smile.

I had a hard time falling asleep, and when I finally did, I woke to a pounding heart and sweating profusely. My dream was so real, and it took me several minutes to calm myself down and convince my conscious that it wasn’t real, and I was fine.

I walked to the kitchen and got a drink of water, still trying to forget the dream. It was early morning, and I watched Lauren leave for work. Rather than going back to bed like I needed to, I ran a hot tub of water and tried to relax. I really needed to stop thinking about Drew. I was not Morgan Kelley. I was Riley Murphy, and Drew Kelley would never hurt me again. This was my life. I was not Drew Kelley’s wife. I had my own life, and I could now live it however, I pleased.

I honestly did just think I could walk away and forget the past twenty five years of my life. Needless to say, it wasn’t working, just yet. Maybe I did need to seek counseling. Ms. K had suggested it. No. I don’t need counseling. I just need to focus on my future and not my past. I can do this. I closed my eyes and breathed in the steam from the hot water, giving myself the much needed pep talk.

I made coffee and turned the radio station to Z-103. I sat on my new sofa and listened to Lauren and this guy, Levi. I was actually laughing. They had a psychic on the show, and people were calling in to find out how old they would be when they died. I laughed out loud when one caller was telling the two how much she enjoyed their show. She explained that she only had one complaint, and as soon as she said it, Lauren hung up on her, saying their egos wouldn’t handle complaints.

I was overly impressed with their morning show and was even starting to like the country music that they had played. That was until they played a song by Shania Twain, ‘Black eyes and blue tears,’ something about no more excuses, no more crying in the corner and no more bruises. As soon as the country singer wailed out begging, please no more, I jumped up and turned off the radio. It was just too close to home, and my scars were still too raw to cope with the words.

I searched through my closet to find something to wear to work. What the hell do you wear to a coffee slash hippy store? How do the two even go together? I decided on a pair of dark jeans that didn’t quite fit. They could have been a size smaller. I was definitely going shopping my next day off. I wore a plaid, green and white shirt and tucked it into my jeans, hoping maybe to use up some of the slack. I brushed out my shoulder length hair and pulled just the top back, leaving one strand to fall around my face.

I was nervous as I parked my car in the back alley where I was told to park. I saw the back door, but wondered if I should I use the front door my first day. I didn’t have to decide when Starlight came out with a bag of trash.

“Good morning,” she said with a happy smile.

Starlight wore a long flowing skirt with sandals and a sixties looking shirt with some sort of Indian design, and long flowing sleeves.

“Good morning,” I smiled back.

Starlight shook my hand, and the first thing that I noticed was the peace sign tattoo between her thumb and forefinger.

“Well, come on in,” she exclaimed and I followed her in.

The door opened to a storage room with boxes and boxes of I had no idea what. I looked in the first door as we passed. It was an extremely messy office with stacks and stacks of papers. This could be a problem with my OCD. Everything had a place, and I couldn’t even blame that one on Drew. Even when I lived at home growing up, the dump that we occupied was as clean as the place would allow. Maybe I tried to make it better than what I knew it could ever be, but for some reason it had always stuck with me.

“You can throw your purse in here,” Starlight stopped at the office door. “Just remember where you put it. Things seem to come up missing in here,” she joked, and I raised my eyebrows.

I wonder why.

We walked out to the front, and there was a counter with a register and too much junk. Oh boy, I thought, wondering if I could handle the mess. The part of the store on the far side was supposed to be the coffee shop. The part by the register was the hippy shop. Or something. I hadn’t quite figured out what she had going on in all of the chaos just yet. There was everything you could think of including a big glass bong displayed in a glass case. No wonder she was so happy.

“Go ahead, look around,” Starlight gestured with her hand.

I noticed three older gentlemen at a table in front of the window, drinking coffee and arguing about what year some bridge had been built. I thumbed through the shirts and pants rack and then moved over to the shelves. Starlight had every kind of tea imaginable. There were shelves of little figurines, and I had already fallen in love with a miniature little boy in jean overalls rolled up to his knees and holding onto two little puppies as they licked his cinched face.

“Would you like some coffee?” Starlight asked.

“Sure,” I replied and hoped she wasn’t going to offer me the breast milk.

I followed her over to the coffee bar and was relieved when she asked me what my flavor was.

“French vanilla?” I said in more of a question, wondering if she had it.

“The best,” she answered, and she was right. It was the richest coffee I had ever tasted.

I wondered why she would hire me to work there, after only seeing three customers stopping into get coffee after three hours. I didn’t think she could have that much business to pay me. I got my answer around three o’clock when she decided that she should show me how to order the teas and coffees.

“Come on,” she said and I followed her to her confusing office. “We only have a week to get you up to speed before I leave.”

“Leave?”

“Yeah, I am flying to Australia for few weeks. I usually just close the place up, but my usual patrons are getting pretty tired of me just closing up and leaving. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. Truck comes in on Tuesday. I will show you how to keep the coffee machines going. Saturday mornings are pretty crazy in here, but the good news is, you only have to ring them up. They get their own coffee. Phyllis brings pastries from her bakery on Saturdays and Millie brings the best deli sandwiches ever on Wednesday afternoons. That empty cold case by the counter is where you will put them. We always sell out of them or pretty close to it anyway.”

“If the pastries and deli sandwiches do so well, why don’t you sell them every day?” I asked, curious.

“Nah, that’s too much work, besides I don’t want people hanging out in here every day,” she teased.

I did like Starlight and Lauren was right, the lady was as Bohemian as you could get. I don’t think the devil could have pissed her off.

I was slowly beginning to relax and fall deeply in love with my new life. I would almost say I had a delightful routine going. Wake up and laugh to Lauren and Levi in the morning, laugh some more with Starlight during the day, drink too much coffee, eat dinner with Lauren, and walk on the beach. By the end of the week I knew everything that I needed to know to be able to keep the shop up and running, not that any monkey couldn’t learn it, but still. I liked my job other than the fact that it needed a good cleaning which I was planning to talk to Starlight about that day, her last day with me. I didn’t want to step on her toes, but come on, I didn’t know how in the world she kept her books up with the mess in the office.

It was well into the afternoon when I finally worked up the nerve to ask.

“Starlight, I was wondering if it would be okay if I done some cleaning and organizing while you were away,” I asked, really fast. I always had a problem with asking for things, even growing up, and it was worse with Drew. He always made me earn it one way or another. Why was my heart beating so fast? It wasn’t like I asked to remodel the place or anything. The worse thing that could happen was she would say no.

“Honey, you do whatever you want to do here. I don’t plan to spend much time here, now that I have you. You’re going to be running the joint, so make it your home.”

I smiled, relieved as I relaxed.

Friday was the busiest day I had seen since I had started. I sold some of the clothing articles to some high school girls and some of the Indian figurines to some tourist. The coffee had to be replenished throughout the day and we opened up one of the boxes in the back and restocked the shelves with figurines.

“Where do you get these?” I asked Starlight, unwrapping a family of picnicking figurines.

“I go to this trade show in Las Vegas twice a year. I will take you some time. It’s the coolest thing ever.”

My heart sped up at the mention of Las Vegas. I wouldn’t be going anywhere near that trade show.

“How do you get the things here?” I asked.

“They ship it to me after the show.”

“There isn’t a website to just order the things?”

Starlight shrugged her shoulders as she continued to unpack the little knickknacks. “Maybe, but the trade show is too much fun for that,” she smiled at me.

Starlight showed me where to find the petty cash, once she remembered where it was herself. She explained that I could use anything from the storeroom that I wanted and to replenish the shelves with whatever I wanted. I was looking forward to getting my hands on the rat race.

Lauren and I ate the meatloaf special for supper at Millie’s, and it reminded of my Grandma Joyce’s. We got the warm apple pie for dessert and then I let her talk me into going to the town bar. I had never been to a bar in my life. I’d been to elaborate restaurants and fancy clubs, but never to a bar. I didn’t want to go to a bar. I just wanted to go home to my little house, sit on my deck and gaze at the beautiful sky overlooking the ocean.

“Come on, please,” she begged.

I acquiesced, against my will. Why not? I had done things against my will my entire life, at least Lauren had my best interest at heart, sort of.

It was just a small bar with an old wooden floor, but the place was hopping, and packed to the gill. There was a band playing toward the right with an area cleared for dancing. A nice looking guy waved us over and we sat at the table with him right in front of the guy singing something about a long black train.

“This is Joel, Riley,” Lauren introduced the guy and then he kissed her.

I wondered if this was the same guy that had spent the night with her the weekend before. Another guy joined us, and she introduced him as Levi. It was nice to put a face with the voice. We were both brought beers. I took my wallet from my purse and Levi put his hand over mine.

“You are offending me, put that away,” he demanded.

I jerked my hand away, not realizing that I did it with so much conviction.

“Whoa,” he stated, putting both hands in the air.

“Sorry,” I said and noticed the puzzled look on Lauren’s face over my reaction. “Thank you,” I said and turned my attention to the singer on stage.

Can someone say…Idiot?

I kept my attention on the stage, not knowing how to act around people. I felt like such an outsider, and didn’t know what I should or shouldn’t say. The two men and Lauren did all of the talking, and although they did try to include me, it was awkward for me. I was never allowed to speak when I went out with Drew. He was afraid that I would embarrass him or myself, so I played the pretty obedient wife and stood to his side. I noticeably shook my head, trying to rid the thoughts of my memories of being in the presence of Drew.

Lauren stood and made me follow her to the bathroom. There was only one stall in the bathroom, and we waited outside the door for it to be unoccupied.

“What is your deal, girlfriend?” Lauren asked.

I feigned ignorance. “What do you mean?”

“Haven’t you seen Levi staring at you? He likes you, and you haven’t even noticed. You’re off in some other time.”

I groaned. I didn’t want Levi to look at me. I didn’t want Levi to like me. I didn’t want Levi to do anything. I wasn’t interested in Levi. “I just don’t think I like being here very much, Lauren. I have never been to a bar.”

“You’re joking,” she implied as the door opened and she pulled me in with her.

Lauren dropped her pants and immodestly used the toilet, holding herself up from sitting on the seat.

“I think I am going to take off. I have to open the shop in the morning for the first time by myself.”

“Ry, it’s only nine o’clock. You’re just going to go home and sit by yourself.”

“I’m okay with that,” I assured her, trying not to look at her squatted on the toilet. I was okay with that. I was used to spending my time alone.

“You can’t tell me that you don’t think Levi is cute.”

“Lauren, please don’t try and fix me up with anyone. I don’t want anyone, okay?” I pleaded.

“Okay. If you really want to go, I will get a ride with Joel.”

“So, are you going to tell me about Joel? Was he your company last weekend?” I asked, not wanting to talk about me and my hang-ups with men at the time.

“I guess we are monogamous. He works on the oil rigs all week and is only home on the weekends, best kind of man to have,” she added, teasing.

I didn’t go back to the table with Lauren. She was giving me an easy out, and I was taking it. She gave me her keys, and I drove her jalopy of a car back to her house. I thought my ninety three Honda was bad, that thing was running on one cylinder.

I didn’t leave the porch light on, not knowing that I was going to be out past dark. I walked across the road to my house after parking Lauren’s car, and my heart begun to beat in rapid thumps again. I hated being frightened all the time. There is nothing in there, Morgan, I said out loud and then shook my head at calling myself Morgan. I unlocked the door and pushed it, standing on the porch, peering in. I reached my arm around to the side and flipped on the light without entering. I shook my head again at how silly I was being.

I lay in my comfortable bed and stared up at the ceiling. Would I ever be normal again, wait, have I even ever been normal? What exactly defines normal? My mind drifted to my childhood, and that too, I was sure was as anomalous as imaginable. My Grandma Joyce was probably the most usual person from that time of my life. There were a few things that she had told me that were probably not the healthiest things to be telling a little girl.

I remembered sitting on the front porch of her one room cabin and listening to the stories of her childhood and living through the hard times on the mountain. She had always told me that no matter how bad I thought that I had it, somebody else always had it worse. I am not sure that was possible, but then again, I’m sure it is. I could have been born a lot worse off than I was, I suppose.

I thought about little Justin, although I am sure he’s not so little anymore. He had been put into foster care almost seven years ago. He would be twelve years old this summer. I hoped he was adopted and had a good life. I hated the thought of him being strung about from foster home to foster home. I hated my mother for so long for leaving us and forcing him to live that life, then again my dad could have kept it from happening if he wanted to. I couldn’t imagine choosing my alcohol over my son. My mother, I could almost forgive. I said almost. I still hated her for not taking us with her, even though I could understand her running away from her life of hell.

I was raised in the Appalachian Mountains, a small town in West Virginia where poverty is real, and still exists to this day. I was raised to believe that you grew up, signed up for welfare, and had lots of babies so that you could get more welfare and more food stamps. That was normal, and then after moving to Las Vegas and living the life of luxury that became my normal. Now, well, now this was normal.

I finally drifted off to sleep, thinking about the two bedroom trailer, and my home from the time that I was born until my eighteenth birthday. The dream was so real this time, not that I didn’t say that every time that I woke in a panic, but this one was worse.

I was huddled up to the only heat source in the house. The wood stove was barely throwing off any heat. I tried to bring some wood in, but it was frozen, and my fingers weren’t strong enough to pull any of the pieces apart. It was late, and my dad wasn’t home from the bar yet. Justin was no longer there, so I had to be at least seventeen. I sat with a blanket leaned against the stove with my back. The metal was barely warm, and I knew that it would be completely burned out within the hour.

It was the first time that my dad ever hit me, besides being whipped by his belt anyway. The first time was the very first time that he had come home in a drunken stupor after my mom had left us. I guess it was my responsibility to fill her shoes. I heard the old truck pull into the drive and I ran to my room, wrapped in my blanket. He started yelling as soon as he opened the door and realized the fire was almost out.

“Morgan! Get your stupid ass out here.”

I didn’t move. I hoped that he would think that I was asleep and just leave me alone. He didn’t.

“If you’re not out here by the time I count to three, I am going to beat you to a pulp.”

Although I knew he was going to do it anyway, whether I went then or ten minutes later. I walked out. He slapped me across the face, not giving me time to explain that I had tried to bring wood in. I could handle the slaps in the face. I would have chosen those over the sound of his leather belt being pulled from his belt loops any day.

I could feel the burning stings on the backs of my legs and my back when I woke, out of breath and panting like an overheated dog. I grasped my nightgown at my chest, and squeezed the material in a tight fist, trying to tell my heart that it was okay, and I was safe in my own home in Maine. I brushed the damp hair from my forehead and got out of bed. It was too early to be awake, and I knew I needed to sleep, but I couldn’t. I was too freaked out. I made a cup of hot tea. Starlight had given it to me the day before when she had told me that I looked tired. She said that it was a relaxing tea and would help me sleep. I dozed back off on the sofa, wrapped in the fuzzy warm blanket from the back of the couch. I woke to the sound of my alarm going off in my room.

I yawned, still tired as I drove the short drive into town. I parked my car in the back and unlocked the door. I had no sooner gotten the first coffee machine brewing when I jumped, startled at the tap on the door. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw the town sheriff, smiling at the door, remembering Starlight telling me that he hung out there on Saturday mornings.

“Good morning,” he said, stepping in as I unlocked the door for him, “Didn’t mean to startle you,” he added.

“Good morning,” I returned, and continued to get the five machines up and running. “I guess I am not quite as fast as Starlight,” I said as he sat at one of the small tables.

“Actually, I’m a little early this morning. You’re fine,” he assured me.

Phyllis showed up with the pastries next.

“Morning, Sheriff,” she spoke, placing the goodies on the counter.

“Good morning, Phyllis. Please tell me you brought those little raspberry filled Danishes today.”

“You’re in luck, I did,” she smiled.

Phyllis didn’t stick around and had to get going to open her own little shop.

“Coffee is ready,” I said to the sheriff, not turning to look at him.

I walked behind the counter with my own cup of coffee, and he poured himself a cup.

“My name is Dawson, by the way,” he said stirring the cream into his coffee.

I snickered a little on accident.

His eyebrows rose as he looked at me. I felt my face blush from embarrassment.

“What?” he asked, and my face became even redder. I was sure of it.

“I’m Riley,” I said, trying to smooth over my dreadful outburst.

“Nice to meet you, Riley. Why are you laughing at me?”

I couldn’t help but laugh again. “I wasn’t laughing at you. I was just thinking how much your name fits your job description. You know, sheriff in a small town by the name of Dawson.”

He laughed too and sat down with his pastry and coffee.

“So what brings you to this small town, Riley?” he asked, and I didn’t want to answer questions for a cop. I hated intimidating men, not that all men weren’t intimidating to me, just some more so than others, and a uniformed man with a gun was one of the others.

“I’m not sure I have figured that out myself yet, sheriff,” I said, and busied myself wiping down the counter in front of me.

I wished someone else would come in, preferably the same sex as me.

He snorted. “You can call me Dawson,” he said, and I blushed again. What the hell is wrong with me?

I only smiled and pretended to be busy. He read his paper, and I was happy to see the three older men that seemed to drink my coffee faster than I could make it, come in for their morning cup of Joe. I knew them by name because Starlight had told me, and although they were all exceptionally friendly, they never really spoke to me. I think that is why I liked them so much.

I was getting a little nervous when another group of men came in, pouring coffee and eating the pastries. How the hell was I supposed to remember who ate what, and how much to charge each of the five construction workers? I was now alone with nine men, and for absolutely no reason I felt extremely uneasy.

I was never so happy in my life to see Lauren come bouncing in. She got a cup of coffee and sat on the stool behind the counter with me.

“I almost commented on you being up so early, but I forgot that you rise with the chickens every morning,” I smiled.

She licked the strawberry filling from her pastry. “I have always gotten up with the chickens. My dad used to deliver the newspaper, and I was forced to get out of bed at five in the morning to learn some responsibility,” she explained.

I laughed. “How did that work out for you?”

“Well, I suck with my money, and I tend to do things on a whim without thinking them through, but I did inherit his inability to sleep once the sun came up.”

I left Lauren to replenish the one coffee machine that the men seemed to be the fondest of. Of course it was the plain old black coffee without any flavoring.

“What are you doing after work?” Lauren asked.

Oh, no. I am not going to any more bars with you.

“I am going shopping for some clothes,” I answered.

“Really? Where you going?”

“I’m not sure. I was hoping there was something more around here than the dollar general store.”

“There isn’t. We have to go into Blain for that. They have a really nice mall. I’ll go with you.”

I laughed at her audacity but was really quite envious of it.