Unravel

16—BLACK HOLE

Someone touches my shoulder.

I gasp and whirl around. Mary is standing beside me.

I’m back at Fairfax. Still outside. Snowflakes cling to my hair and my hands feel like icicles. Remnants of my memory are still there. If I close my eyes and really focus, I can hear the distant echo of fireworks and cheers from a small, twelve-year-old girl.

“Are you ready to go in?” Mary asks.

I stand on shaky legs. “How long have I been outside?”

“For about an hour. You looked deep in thought.”

She has no idea.

We walk inside the dining room. Everything’s cleaned up. There are only a few patients quietly eating. It’s like Amber’s outburst never happened.

I’m still in a daze as we walk back to my room. Fluorescent lights above us cast my skin in an unhealthy shade of yellow. I walk inside my room. The lights are already on. I stop short and look around.

I just came back from a memory so innocent and wonderful. My reality, living at Fairfax, is the complete opposite. I don’t want to be in here.

I go through my nightly routine: bathroom. Wash my face. Change clothes. And when I’m done, Mary’s in my room with medication in one hand and a small cup of water in the other. Except tonight I go through the routine feeling numb. My mind won’t pull away from Lachlan and twelve-year-old Naomi.

“Get some sleep,” Mary urges. She turns off the light and shuts the door.

Not even a second later I see Lana’s dad in the corner.

He’s seething with rage. He’s crouched down, ready to attack at any moment. My heart skips a beat but I don’t react. The medicine is doing its job. It’s making me not care. But Lachlan’s visit is more powerful than anything.

And he, Lana’s dad, knows that. His voice gets louder. On another night, it can terrify me… but not right now. Right now it drifts past me and all his vicious words start to fade until they become a distant echo. My skull feels like it’s sinking into the pillow. I’m drifting further, until I’m being pressed down into the mattress. It’s like I’m free falling, pushing past the floor and the frozen ground. I keep moving, watching years of my life pass in front of me.

I want one more memory. Maybe I’m greedy and asking for too much, but I want to see Lachlan again.

My body stops moving. I close my eyes, and I dream.