Worth the fight

Chapter 18

Elle

Saturday morning I call my mom to check in. I feel guilty I don’t call often enough, but sometimes I just need to try to block out that part of my life. It’s not my mom’s fault that I can’t separate her from the past that haunts me. I don’t mean to, but so much is deeply interwoven that it’s hard to take the good out from a web of bad memories.

Four years of therapy helped me to start to live again, and these days I really think I’m doing it. Guilt for not feeling regret had me stuck in a bad place, but most days I think I’ve moved on. Most days.

Mom and I spend ten minutes catching up and then the conversation moves to William. She casually asks how he is and is surprised when I tell her that we recently stopped seeing each other. I don’t mention that I’ve started seeing someone because I’m not in the mood for the third degree. Not today. I wouldn’t lie to her if she asked, but I know she would ask whether I’ve shared my past with him or not. For some reason she seems to think that telling people about the worst day of my life is cathartic. Perhaps it would be, but I wouldn’t know since I’ve never told a living soul outside of my weekly group meetings. Sure, lots of people know. But those are the people that read the headlines. They didn’t hear it from my lips.

After I hang up, I spend an hour trying to figure out what to wear to Nico’s. The outside layer of clothing is the easy part. But I want to look sexy without my clothes on. It dawns on me that I’ve never been concerned over what I wore for William. Not even in the beginning. Perhaps I should have been, but there’s no use dwelling on that now. Whatever the reason, I feel the need to please Nico Hunter. I’ve never felt that way with another man. A few weeks ago, if a woman would have told me that she dressed to please her man, I probably would have thought she was pitiful. But the way that Nico looks at me makes me high. It’s like a drug I crave desperately to have again. His pleasure is my reward, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to earn it.

I’m honest with myself about how I feel, but it doesn’t make me accept my own reaction to the man any easier. I’m torn between giving in to what feels so right and chastising myself for acting like a weak little girl.

I manage to get a few hours of work in during the afternoon. My workweek is always six days, but with Leonard out it’s pushing seven. A half day today and possibly no work tomorrow will make my Monday brutal, but I’ll care about that Monday.

I arrive at his building on time. The only two times I’ve been on time to anything in the last year have both involved Nico Hunter. Even I can’t chalk that up to coincidence. As I make my way to the door, I’m nervous and fidgety. Anticipation wreaks havoc on my ability to multitask and I don’t even notice he’s standing in the doorway, as I fumble in my purse to put away my keys while walking.

“Hey, beautiful.” His voice is low and sexy, but it scares the shit out of me nonetheless, because I hadn’t realized anyone was there.

I jump and look up, spilling the contents of my overly stuffed purse all over the concrete.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you saw me standing there.”

Nico leans down to start cleaning up the mess, and I almost lose my balance in my heels as I lower myself to join him in collecting my things. He smiles at me with a sexy smile and I smile back. I’m momentarily lost in his knee weakening smile, until I see what he’s holding in his hand out of the corner of my eye and realize it’s the reason for his sly smile. My birth control pills. He extends his hand to offer them to me, but doesn’t release them as I go to take them.

“Good to know.” Nico’s smile has grown from a smirk to a full-blown, panty-dropping grin and I feel the red creep up over my face. God damn it, I’m a grown woman who accepted an invitation to stay at a man’s house tonight, but yet I blush at the site of birth control pills. What the hell is wrong with me?

I quickly scoop up the rest of my personal life on display on the sidewalk and I’m relieved that I had removed the flavored condoms that Regina had shoved into my purse before I left yesterday. Bacon flavor. What woman wants to taste meat while, you know, tasting meat?

Nico stands and doesn’t offer to help me get up. He just does it. After I’m balanced he leans in and plants a soft kiss on my lips. Not much more than a brush, but I feel it all the way down to my toes. And we are standing in the middle of the sidewalk. There aren’t any people around, but still, it’s out of character for me to have a public display of affection. Or at least it was before.

“You didn’t bring a bag?” Nico’s face looks so disappointed, like a little boy who was just told he couldn’t have the puppy he’d been planning on bringing home.

“I did, I just left it in the car.” Nico tilts his head and squints his eyes at me.

“You’re not sure if you want to stay?” I can hear the disappointment in his voice.

“Umm.” How do I respond to him? Of course I want to stay, but it felt funny walking into his house with an overnight bag, even though he invited me. Almost presumptuous.

Nico takes my hesitation as confirmation that I’m not sure if I want to stay. He takes a step forward and wraps one arm around my waist, resting just north of my ass. The other hand moves to behind my head and he kisses me. Fiercely. His tongue seeks mine, then he sucks on the tip of it as he pulls it away to add teeth. His teeth bite down on my bottom lip and just as I begin to feel the pain from his bite, he sucks and licks away at the spot he just wounded, making it more than better.

I feel his hand that was holding my lower waist travel down and he pulls me flush against him tightly as his hands roam over my ass and he cups almost my whole cheek in one large palm. Tingling sensations shoot through my veins and I feel the sensitive skin between my legs swell. Nico growls and squeezes me harder before he pulls back slightly, releasing my mouth, tugging at my lip between his teeth as he pulls away.

I have no idea where I am. My senses are all keenly focused on the man who just stole my breath and I’m panting when he finally releases my mouth fully. His breath is fast as his mouth drops to my ear and he speaks in a strained voice. “I’m about ten seconds away from losing my self-control, Babe. Think I can get that bag for you and move this inside so we don’t give the whole neighborhood a show?”

Nico pulls his head back and waits for my answer. But I can’t speak yet, so I nod my head yes and just watch as he takes my keys out of my hand. He kisses me again on the mouth, this time much softer. “Not that I would mind. I don’t give a shit who’s watching as long as I get to do that to you.”

I force myself to close my mouth as I stand there watching him grab my bag from the car and return to me, his disappointed face now replaced with a megawatt smile that reminds me of his fighting name. Lady Killer. If the name fits…

Inside, things cool down, which I’m grateful for. Or, at the rate I was going on the street, I would have been in his bed within fifteen minutes of my arrival. Nico picks me up and seats me on the kitchen island, so we can talk while he cooks. Watching him breeze around his kitchen, I realize how sexy a man who knows his way around the kitchen can be. There’s something instinctually alluring about a man who wants to take care of his woman. Not that I’m the barefoot-and-pregnant-in-the-kitchen-type of woman. But this is different. An almost natural role that he takes in our relationship and I find that I like to be taken care of. It’s something I have never allowed anyone to do before.