A Man to Call My Own

Chapter 16

HER GUILT WAS INCREDIBLE. Marian woke up with it, wallowed in it, couldn't shake it. The disguise she fostered was deceitful enough, but she did it for a good reason: to save other people from Amanda's spiteful manipulations. But actually to pretend to be Amanda...

Her sister had done that often when they were children, just to get people mad at Marian. She thought it was a wonderful joke, though she was the only one who found it funny. Marian had tried it only once before, with their father, because she so craved the attention he gave only to Amanda. But he hadn't been fooled. He'd known immediately that she wasn't his favorite, and the scolding she got was so embarrassing she'd never tried it again.

It wasn't pleasant, sharing the same face with someone you detested. It wasn't fun either, always worrying about other peoples feelings to the complete exclusion of your own. It was simply hell having a sister like Amanda.

Marian avoided the campfire that morning, where Chad was handing out a quick breakfast before they started on the last leg of their journey. She preferred going hungry to being near him just then, she was so afraid he was going to see through her disguise.

She did accept a cup of coffee though from the wagon driver who, the night before, had set up his own fire on the other side of the wagon. When asked why two had been necessary, he'd mentioned something about deceiving would-be robbers, and he'd added that even when he was alone on the road, he always lit two fires, then never slept near either.

The mountain man had been moved into the wagon sometime before anyone else had awoken. He must have regained consciousness and cooperated because there was simply no way Chad, even with help from the driver, could have hoisted a man that size. And it had been done so quietly, the women sleeping under the wagon hadn't been disturbed.

Marian just happened to notice his bound feet near the back of the wagon when she circled round it. Chad obviously didn't want to leave Leroy behind, but didn't want the others aware of his presence either. To spare him a lot of questions, she supposed.

She still kept an eye on Chad, dreading the moment when he came face-to-face with Amanda. She didn't trust him not to mention the kiss, even though she'd warned him not to. And Amanda wouldn't pretend ignorance. If something caught her curiosity, she'd demand an explanation.

Amanda was the last to make an appearance. It was too much to hope that she wouldn't feel like eating that morning. She went right to the campfire, took the offered plate of food without a thank-you, and proceeded to ignore Chad completely as usual.

Last night Marian had actually been sorry to learn that Chad's father owned a ranch. That meant he might not be completely without means as both sisters had first thought, and Amanda's interest in Chad might perk up. But then Amanda had missed hearing about his father's ranch, once again having slept through all the danger and excitement. With luck, this time, though, she wouldn't find out about it after the fact.

Ella Mae was still at the campfire, too. Amanda started talking to her. Marian didn't have to be present to know her sister was now complaining about the discomforts of sleeping outdoors—now that she had an interested ear. Not that Ella Mae was the least bit interested. Like Marian, Ella Mae had learned long ago how to tune Amanda out.

Chad was listening, however, and after a few minutes, he was frowning. Marian would give anything to know what the frown was for.

It could simply be that Amanda had just thoughtlessly insulted his cooking efforts. It could be that it was the first time he was being treated to one of her diatribes—he usually only caught the tail end of them when she was almost out of steam and not nearly so derogatory. But it was more likely because she was treating him as if he weren't present while he was sitting only a couple feet from her.

He'd probably assumed that things would be different now between him and her. A natural conclusion after a kiss that hadn't been rejected. He'd stated his interest very clearly with that kiss. She'd done the same by accepting it. The cold shoulder he was getting from the woman whom he'd thought he'd kissed probably felt like a slap in the face—which is what Marian should have done last night, rather than let temptation get the better of her good sense.

Finished eating, Amanda carelessly tossed her plate toward the fire and started to head back toward the carriage to finish preparations for leaving. His frown more intense, Chad started to follow her. Marian sucked in her breath, watching them, waiting for him to grab Amanda and turn her around, to demand an explanation for her—what? Her lack of interest, when she had no interest in him to begin with?

Marian's guilt mounted. She should stop him, take him aside and make her confession. He was going to despise her for it. But she'd already gone to great lengths to make him despise her anyway, so that shouldn't matter to her.

She took a step toward him, but he stopped. She stopped. He spent all of five seconds staring at Amanda's retreating back then swung around with what seemed almost a shrug. A shrug? Surely not. Or was a kiss stolen in the middle of the night not important to him? Maybe he kissed all the pretty women he came across if given the opportunity.

Marian could breathe again, but now she was frowning.