Big Girl

Chapter 20

The days between Thanksgiving and Christmas were always chaotic at school, but Victoria made sure she checked in at Weight Watchers every week, no matter how busy she was. No one was in the mood to work. Everyone was anxious to go on vacation, and once exams were over, all anyone talked about was what they were doing for the holidays. There were trips to the Bahamas, visits to grandmothers in Palm Beach, or relatives in other cities. There were ski trips to Aspen, Vail, Stowe, and a few who even went to Europe to ski in Gstaad, Val d’Isère, and Courchevel. They were definitely rich-kid vacations in fancy locations around the world. Victoria was startled to hear one of her students discuss her holiday plans. She was talking about it to two other girls as they packed up their things after class, and Victoria couldn’t help overhearing. The girl’s name was Marjorie Whitewater, and she blithely announced that she was having a breast reduction over Christmas. It was a gift from her father, and the other two girls were asking about it. One of them laughed and said she was having the opposite procedure. Her mother had promised her breast implants, as a graduation present next summer. All three girls seemed to take their assorted surgical procedures in stride, and Victoria looked up with a start.

“Isn’t that very painful?” Victoria couldn’t resist asking about the breast reduction. It sounded awful to her, and she knew she wouldn’t have had the courage to do it. And what if she didn’t like the result? She had complained about the size of her breasts all her life, but getting rid of them, even in part, sounded like a major step to her. She had thought about it over the years, but never seriously enough to do it.

“It’s not that bad,” Marjorie answered her. “My cousin had it done last year. And she looks great.”

“I had a nose job when I was sixteen,” one of the other girls said. It was a serious medical discussion about the benefits of plastic surgery among teenagers. Victoria was startled by their nonchalance and knowledge about the various operations. “It hurt,” she admitted about the nose job, “but I love my new nose. Sometimes I forget it’s not the one I was born with. I hated my old nose.” The other two laughed, and Victoria shyly spoke up.

“I hate my nose,” Victoria confessed to the three students. It was a fascinating conversation. She had happened into it accidentally, but she was part of it now. “I always have.”

“Then you should change it and get a new one,” one of the girls said easily. “It’s not a big deal. My surgery wasn’t too bad. My mom had a face-lift last year.” The others were impressed, and Victoria was mesmerized by what they said. It had never occurred to her to change her nose. She had said it jokingly, but she’d never actually considered it an option for her. She wondered how expensive it was, but she didn’t want to ask the kids.

She said something to Harlan about it that night. “Do you know any plastic surgeons?” she asked him casually, as they cooked dinner together. They were having vegetables and steamed fish, and she was being good about her diet, and she was beginning to shed the weight she had wanted to lose for so long.

“Not really. Why?”

“I’m thinking of getting a new nose.” She said it like a new hat or a pair of shoes, and he laughed.

“When did that happen? You’ve never mentioned that before.”

“I was listening to some of my students after class today. They’re an absolute encyclopedia of surgical procedures. One got a new nose two years ago. Another one is having a breast reduction over Christmas, as a Christmas gift no less. And the other one is getting breast implants next summer, for graduation. I felt like I was the only one in school with my original parts. And these are just kids,” she said in amazement.

“Rich kids,” John added. “None of my students get nose jobs and implants for Christmas.”

“Anyway, I don’t know how expensive it is, but I was thinking of treating myself to a new nose over Christmas. I’m not going home, so I’ve got the time.”

“You’re not?” Harlan was surprised to hear that she was staying in New York. “When did you decide that?”

“At Thanksgiving. My family is too crazy these days with the wedding. And now that my sister’s fiancé is part of it, I’m outnumbered. There are too many of ‘them’ and only one of me. I’m not going back till the wedding.”

“Have you told them that?”

“Not yet. I thought I’d tell them closer to Christmas. I just thought I’d ask about the surgeon. I didn’t want to ask the kids in school.”

Harlan didn’t say anything, but he gave her three names of plastic surgeons the next day. He had gotten them from people he knew who said they were pleased with their work, and Victoria was thrilled. She called two of them the next day. One was leaving on vacation over the holidays. And the other one, a woman, gave her an appointment for the end of the week. They referred to it as rhinoplasty, and she told Harlan she felt like a rhinoceros going in to get her horn removed, and he laughed.

She went to see Dr. Carolyn Schwartz on Friday afternoon. She had a bright cheerful office on Park Avenue, not far from school, and Victoria walked over after her last class. It was a cold sunny day and a nice walk after being cooped up in school. Dr. Schwartz was pleasant and young. She explained the procedure to her and how much it cost. Victoria was impressed by how reasonable it was. She could actually afford it, and Dr. Schwartz said that she’d be pretty bruised for about a week, and then it would start to fade. She could cover it with makeup when she went back to school. She had an opening on her surgical calendar the day after Christmas, and Victoria looked at her for a long moment and then grinned.

“I’ll take it. Let’s do it. I want a new nose.” She hadn’t been as excited about anything in years. The doctor showed her computer printouts of possible noses for her, after taking a photograph of her profile and full face. Victoria said, after looking at all of them, that she wanted a variation of her sister’s nose, so she’d look like part of the family. And the doctor suggested a modification of it to suit Victoria’s face. Victoria said she would drop off a photograph of her sister the following week, after she went through some photographs she had at home. She had always thought that Gracie had a gorgeous nose, unlike hers, which made her look like a Cabbage Patch Doll, she said, and the doctor laughed. She assured her that it was a fine nose, but they could do better. With the help of the computer, she showed her several possibilities, and Victoria liked them all. Anything seemed better to her than the nose she had.

When Victoria left her office, she felt as if she were walking on air. The nose she had hated all her life, and that her father had made fun of, was about to go. So long, nose.

She told Harlan and John about it as soon as she got home. They were stunned that she had already made the decision and had an appointment to get it done. The only problem, she explained, was that she’d need someone to pick her up at the hospital after the surgery. She looked at them hopefully, and John said he’d be there, since he’d be on vacation too.

She had discussed liposuction with the surgeon too, which sometimes seemed like an easier option than all her dieting, and a quick fix. But when Dr. Schwartz described it to her, it sounded more unpleasant than she’d thought, and she decided against it, and stuck with her plan for a new nose.

The last days of school were fraught with the usual tensions and preholiday excitement. She had to press her students to complete assignments and get them turned in. She urged them all to work on their college essays during vacation, and she knew some would, and most wouldn’t, and then there would be a mad scramble in January to get them done before the deadline the colleges imposed.

And there was a major drama in the last week of classes, when one of the juniors was found using drugs at school. He was doing a line of coke in the bathroom, and one of the other kids turned him in. His parents had to be called, and he was suspended. The headmaster handled it, and the parents agreed to put their son in rehab for a month. Victoria was glad that it wasn’t one of her students, and she didn’t have to get involved. It sounded like a mess to her. She had her own students to worry about. She was keeping an eye on Amy Green, who was doing good work in school, and her pregnancy still didn’t show, and probably wouldn’t for a long time. And all was going well for her.

Victoria finally told her parents the week before Christmas that she was not coming home for the holidays. They said they were disappointed, but they didn’t sound it to her. They were busy with Gracie and Harry, and they were planning to have dinner with the Wilkeses before they left for Aspen for the holidays.

Gracie called her and was genuinely upset that she wasn’t coming, and to justify it, Victoria confessed that she was getting a new nose, and Gracie was shocked, but amused.

“You are? Why? That’s so silly. I love your nose.”

“Well, I don’t. I’ve been stuck with Dad’s grandma’s nose all my life, and I’m turning it in for a new one.”

“Whose nose are you getting?” Gracie asked her, still shocked, and disappointed that she wasn’t coming home. But she understood it better now. Her sister didn’t tell her that even without the rhinoplasty, she wouldn’t have come. There was no need to say that.

“My own, kind of an individualized version of yours and Mom’s,” Victoria said, and Gracie laughed. “We picked it out on the computer, and it suits my face a lot better than the one I have.”

“Will it hurt a lot?” Gracie sounded worried for her, which touched Victoria. Gracie was the only one who ever cared about her, no matter what.

“I don’t know,” Victoria said honestly. “I’ll be asleep.”

“I mean after.”

“They’ll give me pain pills to take home, and she said I’ll be pretty bruised for several weeks. And slightly swollen for many months, although most people won’t see it. But I have nothing planned anyway, so this is a good time. I’m doing it the day after Christmas.”

“There goes your New Year’s Eve,” Gracie said sympathetically, and Victoria laughed.

“I have no one to spend it with anyway. So I’ll stay home. I think Harlan and John are going skiing in Vermont. I’ll be fine. You can come keep me company if you want.”

“Harry and I are going to Mexico over New Year,” she said apologetically.

“Then I’m glad I’m staying here.”

“Send me a picture of your new nose. After it’s not blue anymore.” They talked about it for a few more minutes, and afterward Victoria was in a good mood and decided to go to the gym. It was bitter cold outside, but she didn’t want to get out of the routine. She was being very good, and using the treadmill at home too.

The doctor had told her that she wouldn’t be able to exercise at first after surgery, so she wanted to do all she could beforehand. She didn’t want to get out of shape while she was nursing her nose.

It was starting to snow when she got to the gym, and it looked like Christmas around the city. People had their trees up, and she was planning to get one with Harlan and John that weekend. They were having friends over to help them decorate it. And Victoria was thinking about it as she rode one of the Exercycles, and she noticed that the man on the one next to her was exceptionally rugged and good-looking, and he was talking to a beautiful girl on his other side. Victoria stared at them for a few minutes, mesmerized. They were an extremely handsome couple, they looked like they got along very well, and they laughed a lot. For a lonely moment, she couldn’t help envying them the relationship they obviously shared. She was wearing her iPod so she couldn’t hear what they were saying, but their faces as they looked at each other were warm and loving, and watching them tore at her heart. She couldn’t even imagine having a man who looked like that in her life.

The man exercising next to her had piercing blue eyes and dark hair, and a square jaw and chin with a deep cleft in it. He had broad shoulders and long legs, and she noticed that he had nice hands. She was embarrassed when he turned and smiled at her. He had sensed her staring at him, so she looked away. And then she noticed him looking at her again, and admiring her legs when she got off the bike. She was wearing leggings and a sweatshirt, and he was wearing a T-shirt and shorts. And she thought that their relationship must be very secure for the woman he was with not to get upset when he looked at her like that. She seemed not to be bothered at all. Victoria had smiled at him, and then left the gym to go home. She could hardly wait for her vacation to get her new nose. She hated to miss time at the gym, but she promised herself to work twice as hard on her workout program as soon as she could start again. With a newly toned, slimmer body and a better nose, she could hardly wait for her new life to begin. She was smiling to herself, thinking about it and feeling hopeful as she left the gym that night.