Big Girl

Chapter 26

On the morning of the wedding, the house was bustling with excitement and activity from the moment everyone got up. There was breakfast laid out in the kitchen so people could help themselves. Collin and Victoria took theirs out to the garden so they didn’t get in anyone’s way. Gracie was having a manicure and pedicure in her room. The hairdresser came to do all the women in the house. All Victoria wanted was a simple French twist, so she went first.

The wedding was set for seven o’clock that night, but people came and went all day. All the bridesmaids were there from lunchtime on, and Victoria couldn’t get near her sister, so she left them alone, and did whatever she could to help her mother. But everything seemed in surprisingly good control. And Gracie’s wedding gown was laid out in her mother’s room. Her father had been relegated to the guest room to dress, and everyone seemed to have something to do. There were a million phone calls and deliveries, and Collin volunteered to man the doors and phones. Victoria’s father disappeared for a while, and then came back, but he never said a word to Victoria all day, nor to Collin. He had gotten a dose of his own medicine the night before, and Victoria was glad. It was about time. And Collin had done it well, with style and finesse. With his protection, her father would think twice before attacking her again.

And by five o’clock the countdown had begun. The hairdresser did Gracie’s hair. All the bridesmaids had been done. And at six o’clock they all slipped into their dresses. Victoria took a deep breath and put hers on, and one of the bridesmaids zipped it up, while another one held it closed, and Victoria held her breath. She didn’t look in the mirror. She could feel how it looked. She could hardly breathe, even with the weight she’d lost, and her breasts were tightly compressed and poured out of the strapless dress. It was excruciatingly tight, and the zipper almost didn’t close. And she knew just how ugly it looked on her, but she really didn’t care. Collin loved her, and if it wasn’t the best dress for her, it wasn’t important. She had found brown satin shoes to match and slipped them on. The heels were high, and she suddenly looked like a very tall woman. But a good-looking woman. She felt like she had come into her own in the last year, not just because of Collin, but the efforts she’d made to free herself of the past and the damage it had done. Collin had happened because she was ready for him. She had made the changes, and he had arrived-the changes weren’t because of him. She felt sure of herself suddenly even in the dress that didn’t suit her. She looked beautiful, and shone from within. She put on a little more blush, and the color of the dress didn’t look quite so bad with her pale skin.

She went in to her sister, and her mother was just slipping the elaborate white lace gown over Gracie’s head. Her mother was dressed in a dark beige taffeta gown with a jacket, and she looked elegant and demure. She was still a beautiful woman. Sometimes Victoria forgot that. And the minute the enormous white lace dress fell over Gracie’s tiny body, she looked like a princess. She was wearing her engagement ring that looked like a headlight, and the diamond earrings Harry had given her. And his mother had given her a string of large pearls with a diamond clasp as a wedding gift. She seemed much too young to be wearing all that jewelry, and Victoria was reminded of when they played dress-up when they were children, but Gracie looked lovely. She was the perfect bride, and when her father walked in a few minutes later, he started to cry. He was overwhelmed by the vision of her in her wedding gown. She had always been his baby. And she always would be. And she was Victoria’s baby too. Gracie looked around the room at her family, and she was about to cry too, but her mother warned her not to ruin her makeup. Gracie felt as though she were leaving them all forever and setting out in the world, on unfamiliar waters. It was a scary feeling, especially for such a young girl. She appeared vulnerable and fragile and childlike in the dress, as her mother settled the long veil on her head.

Victoria and her mother helped her down the stairs and carried her train. And then she was getting into the car with her father to go to the church to marry Harry. Her father came unglued as they drove away, and Gracie leaned over and kissed him. She had a father that Victoria had never known, and would have loved to have. But now she had Collin instead.

And then Victoria and her mother got into the town car waiting to take them to the church. Collin had left a while before and she would see him there.

And once at the church, everything happened in good order. Harry was waiting at the altar. The bridesmaids preceded Grace in the elegant brown dresses, and Victoria walked down the aisle right before Gracie. Her eye caught Collin’s as she glided past him, and he smiled, looking proud. And their father walked Gracie down the aisle in solemn, measured steps.

They exchanged their vows, and Harry put a diamond band on Gracie’s finger, and then they were pronounced man and wife. They kissed as Victoria cried, and they walked back down the aisle beaming. It had happened. It was over. The wedding that had driven them all crazy for a year was under way. And the reception was as spectacular as her parents had wanted, and Gracie had dreamed of. She came to kiss Victoria as the reception began, after the photographs and the receiving line. She just wanted a minute with her big sister.

“I just want to tell you that I love you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me all my life. You always take care of me, even when I’m a brat, or I’m stupid… thank you… I love you… you’re the best sister in the world.”

“So are you, and I’ll always be here for you. I love you, baby… I hope you’ll be happy.”

“So do I,” she said softly, and she didn’t look as sure as Victoria would have wanted. But if it didn’t work out, they’d deal with it and know what to do. Sometimes you just couldn’t figure it out beforehand, no matter how hard you tried.

Collin sat next to Victoria at the reception, at a long table with all the bridesmaids and groomsmen. Victoria made her speech, and everyone applauded. She and Collin danced all night. Harry and Gracie cut the cake. And Victoria even danced with her father once. He looked dignified and handsome in his dinner jacket and black tie. And for once he made no ugly comments about her-they just danced as he spun her around the floor, and then he turned her over to Collin again. It was a beautiful wedding. And Gracie was an exquisite bride. And much to Victoria’s relief, for tonight at least, and maybe forever if they were lucky, Gracie and Harry looked happy. There was no way of knowing if it would last, for them or anyone. All you could do was your best.

She was dancing with Collin when they announced that Gracie was going to throw the bouquet, and asked all the single women to assemble on the dance floor. Grace stood on a chair, waiting to do it, and all the single women started to approach. Victoria’s mother glided past Victoria as she was about to join them and gave her a reproving look.

“Let them have it, dear, they’re all younger than you are. They’ll all get married one day. You don’t even know if you ever will.” In a single sentence, she had dismissed Collin as a real possibility, and told her that not only was she likely to be a spinster but she really didn’t deserve the bouquet. She was undeserving again, and unlikely to be loved since they never had. Victoria could feel herself shrink back to the edge of the crowd, as Gracie tried to wave her forward, but her mother’s message had been a powerful one. Collin had seen her mother say something to her, and the look on her face afterward, but he was too far from her now to have heard what was said. Whatever it was, he could tell that it had devastated her, and he could see her collapse inwardly, as she stood with her arms down, as Gracie got ready to toss the bouquet. She was watching her older sister as she did, and she took careful aim with an arm like a pitcher, and the bouquet flew through the crowd like a missile heading straight for Victoria, but her mother’s words had hit her too hard. Victoria felt frozen and couldn’t lift her arm, and Collin stood there, watching her, as did Gracie, willing her to reach out and grab it. All she had to do was hold out her hand and catch it, if she only believed she deserved it. Collin felt a searing pain at the agony he sensed that she felt, and he said the words aloud that he was thinking. “You’re lovable!” he said to Victoria, even though she couldn’t hear him. And as though she had, her face broke into a smile, and in a split second she reached out and grabbed it. She held it aloft and everyone cheered, and Collin loudest of all. Victoria looked over at him at that moment, and he gave her a thumbs-up with both thumbs, just as Harry lifted his wife from the chair and they went upstairs to change. They were leaving for Paris on his father’s plane that night.

Collin made his way through the crowd to Victoria, and she was beaming at him when he got there. He still didn’t know what her mother had said to her, but he knew it was hurtful, and this time he didn’t want to know. All he wanted to do was shield her from those wounds forever. She was still holding the bouquet.

“We’ll put that to good use one of these days,” he said, gently taking it from her, and setting it down at their table, and then he swept her onto the dance floor and held her in his arms as they danced away. She was a beautiful woman. She always had been. She just didn’t know it, and now she did. And as she looked up at him, she knew just how much she was loved.