Brimstone Blues

Chapter Twenty

The butler poured their wine and set the bottle on the table between them. “Thank you, Peter,” Dame Agnew said. “That will be all.”

He bowed and left them alone.

Dame Agnew smiled at Taz. For once, Taz felt totally at ease with a vampire not of their immediate “family.”

“My dear, you’ve had an upsetting few weeks, haven’t you?”

Taz nodded, hesitating before sipping the wine. The voice didn’t chime in, so Taz took that to mean it was safe to drink. “Upsetting doesn’t even come close to describing it.”

“I understand. It’s overwhelming.”

“What did you want to talk about?”

“This might be a painful subject, but I need your full honesty.”

Taz nodded, trying not to tighten her grip on the crystal glass.

“When Rafael was killed, did anything happen?”

The blood rushed to Taz’s face and Dame Agnew smiled kindly. “I understand there was an incident, earlier in the evening. That’s not what I’m referring to. I mean later, around the actual time of his death.”

Taz didn’t want to think about this. It hurt too much. “I had some pretty intense dreams. I don’t remember them, but I think it was around the time he died. They woke me up. Sounded like him screaming in my head. I–I didn’t know then what I know now.”

Dame Agnew nodded and patted her on the hand, her face growing serious. “Matthias and Tim told me you’ve had some incidents. About the voice.”

She nodded. “I’m going crazy,” Taz whispered. “All my life I’ve been in control. Now I feel like I’m falling and can’t stop and I don’t have a parachute. It’s just a matter of time before I hit the ground with a big-ass splat.” She looked at Dame Agnew. “Is it always going to feel like this?”

“Taz, I need to ask you a very large favor. Will you let me into your mind?”

Taz hesitated. She’d seen what could happen when one vampire took control of another, and it wasn’t pretty.

“I understand your hesitation. I want to see if there is an answer.”

“To Rafe’s death?”

“To some of the things you’ve been experiencing. I have an idea, and I’m not sure I have any answers. Before I say anything else, however, I’d like to know if my suspicion is correct.”

Taz finally nodded. “Okay.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t take over. You can always push me out. You’re more than strong enough. Simply picture letting me tiptoe around to look inside your closets, so to speak.”

“Okay.”

Taz put her glass down and closed her eyes. Then she felt Dame Agnew’s gentle presence. It wasn’t like when Matthias or Rafael were in her mind, it was a kindly, motherly touch. Taz relaxed and allowed her to roam the corridors of her conscious. Finally, she felt Dame Agnew going more deeply and hesitated.

“You don’t have to follow me. You can wait behind if you wish.”

And that’s exactly what Taz did.

“Hello, my boy.”

Rafael turned, not used to someone addressing him directly. “Dame Agnew!”

They were in Rafael’s room, as Taz called it. The one she’d created for him at Yellowstone during the training exercises.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“When Caroline killed me, I threw myself at Taz. I didn’t realize exactly what was going to happen, but I could still feel her after…” He didn’t finish.

“After she played succubus with you?”

Rafe nodded, unable to meet Dame Agnew’s piercing gaze. “Yeah. Exactly. I still felt the connection with her, and once dumb-ass me gave Caroline control, I couldn’t get the damn bitch out. So I ran.”

“Into Anastazia’s mind.”

“I don’t know how to connect to her and tell her. I can’t always talk to her, only when it’s like she’s listening or in her dreams. I didn’t want do anything at first, but she was hurting so bad, I was trying to make her feel better. Then at Bartholomew’s I had to push forward hard to get her out of there.”

“It’s not fair to her for you to stay here.” She considered him. “You really love her, don’t you?” She patiently waited long minutes for his whispered answer.

“I felt like I had my life back.”

“And that’s why you threw yourself at her instead of Matthias?”

“She’s so strong. You know she was the only one who could’ve taken me.”

“You always were a horrible liar, Rafael.”

He looked away.

“How old is she? How old is her soul?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure.”

“And she was also—”

Rafael nodded. “Before she was ever Cassandra.”

Dame Agnew shook her head again. “Don’t you think they have a right to know?”

“Dame A, you can’t tell them, please. Promise me. She’s got enough guilt on her plate as it is. She doesn’t need to know the truth about her past. She’s back with Matthias anyway, so does it matter?”

“There is a very, very old ritual. Most don’t know about it anymore. It is a chance, because if it doesn’t work you’ll be gone anyway. You won’t have any conscious memory of your past if it does work.” She detailed what she knew, and he turned from her. “But it has to be a willing sacrifice on the part of all three of you, Rafael. If you don’t perform the ritual correctly, it won’t work.”

“I don’t know if I could do that. I don’t know if she’d want to do that.”

“There is always the option of leaving, dear boy. At least with the ritual, you could live on, with them, the two that you love, that love you.”

He turned to her. “What about them?”

“Matthias is heartbroken. I don’t know how he hides the worst of it from Anastazia. I believe he would be willing to do anything short of sacrificing a life to give you this. I think you should tell him about her, that she is—was—Cassandra. Whether you tell him the rest is up to you. She is so grief stricken, so pained by what she did, she holds herself responsible for your death.”

He shook his head. “It wasn’t her fault. Please tell her that.”

“We’ve tried.” She paused. “They could get on with their lives if you do this.”

“Please don’t say anything to her about the ritual. When the time is right, I’ll talk to her. To them.”

She nodded. “I won’t. I must tell her you’re in here and she has to make contact with you. Be gentle with her, Rafael. She is still very fragile.”

An hour later, Taz opened her eyes when she felt Dame Agnew leave her mind. The older woman looked at her. “My dear, I’m so very sorry for what happened,” she whispered.

She looked down. “It doesn’t change anything. I still lost control.”

“I can’t say I blame you. Vampire soup? I must admit, that was inspired. Do you understand the implications of what happened the night Rafael died?”

“What do you mean?”

Dame Agnew reached across the table for Taz’s hands. “I’ve heard about this one other time, centuries ago, when two very powerful vampires were in battle and one was mortally wounded.” She dropped the bombshell. “The dying one transferred his conscious to the other.”

“What?”

“You bear Rafael not just in your heart, but in your mind. His soul lives on, within you. What you felt during your dreams the night he died was him. He knew he was dying, and he threw himself at you because he knew you were strong enough to take him.”

“What?” Taz stood so fast the chair tipped over. “No!”

“The lost time, the ride from his condo in the car? That was Rafael. He was able to come to the surface for a while because you’d almost put yourself into a form of hypnosis between the drive and his music. Karaoke. Something about an MP3 player and a car radio? When you escaped from Bartholomew’s house, that was him helping you. The flowers. There were other times. When you were shot at Yellowstone, he appeared to you, trying to keep you from choosing death. He’s come to you in your dreams, and he is the voice you’ve been hearing.”

“No!” Taz gripped her head and circled the room. “I can’t—he can’t be!” She worked the ring on her finger and then realized what she was doing. “No! I don’t believe it!”

“Then search my thoughts. You are far more powerful than I ever was, even in my prime. You can tell if I’m lying or not.”

She launched her mind at Dame Agnew, harder than she meant, and the older woman rocked back in her chair. “I’m sorry,” Taz apologized, pulling back, but she saw the truth.

It took Dame Agnew’s full force of will to conceal the secret she promised Rafael she would tend.

“All the times you heard his voice whisper to you, the dreams, those were all him,” Dame Agnew said.

Taz could barely speak. “Does he—does he know he’s in there?”

Dame Agnew nodded. “He’s fully aware of what happened. Had anyone else seen you when he was in control, they might have thought you were sleepwalking. He can think and feel and to a certain extent, he can send his mind outside of you. That’s how he was able to help you evade the guards at Torvald’s house.”

Taz’s voice shook. “Does he hate me? Does he blame me for what happened?”

Dame Agnew smiled, shaking her head. “No. He doesn’t blame you at all, dear.”

That did it. Taz collapsed where she stood, sobbing, grieving and relieved at the same time. No one else blamed her for his death.

Apparently Rafe didn’t, either.

Dame Agnew knelt beside her, holding Taz as she poured out her anguish. It wasn’t like pulling at an old scab because the wound was still fresh and raw. It was like opening a barely constrained floodgate of grief and anger and guilt, a tidal wave of emotion that threatened to wash her out to sea.

After she composed herself, Taz asked, “What do I do for him?”

Dame Agnew shook her head. “Unless you want him gone, there’s nothing you can do. Not at this moment. One day there will be a time, if you wish to help him. He’ll tell you what he needs.”

“Then he’d be gone for good?”

She nodded. “Then he would be gone for good.”

“Does he want to be here?”

“He’d prefer not to be dead, but other than that, he doesn’t have an opinion one way or the other. He is very worried for you.”

“Please don’t say anything to Matthias.”

“You have my word.”

“Can I talk to Rafe?”

Dame Agnew brushed Taz’s hair out of her face. “Yes, child. However, you must figure that out on your own. No one can do that for you. I think once you’re ready to face him you’ll work out the logistics.” She stood and held her hand out to Taz. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up. Matthias will think I’ve been scolding you.”