Brimstone Blues

Chapter Twenty-Two

Taz closed the hotel room curtains and found a classical music station on the radio. She knew Matthias would be gone with Albert and her dad for several hours at least, on Tribunal business.

It wasn’t like she had a lot of experience doing this, but she was afraid if they were around, they might interfere somehow, force Rafe out. She didn’t want that.

Not yet, at least.

What she wanted was time alone with him, if this was true. Part of her couldn’t accept what Dame Agnew told her.

Part of her prayed it was.

Relaxing on the bed, she closed her eyes. She had to start with what she knew. In Yellowstone, when Matthias started teaching her how to use her powers, she’d created a mental room for Rafe, an image she could focus on. Furnished and complete with windows so she could look out, whether through her mental eyes or through the eyes of someone else.

She hadn’t visited Rafe’s room since that day in Yellowstone, afraid of how much it would hurt.

She conjured the door to Rafael’s room in her mind. She reached out and touched the doorknob, scared to open it. She remembered Yellowstone, remembered his scent, conjured the sound of his voice, the taste of his lips—

The feel of his love for her.

In her mind she closed her eyes and gripped the doorknob. She walked through the door, taking several blind steps inside. She stood there for a long moment, forcing her body to remember to breathe. In her mind there were no true scents or tastes, just memories of the real thing. She eventually opened her eyes.

“Hey, Taz baby.”

There he was, standing before her. Too shocked to say anything at first she threw her arms around him. Even in her mind he felt solid, there.

“It’s okay,” he whispered. It was like he was with her, not just in her mind, but really there, like he’d been in her dreams. “It’s okay, Taz.”

She sobbed, wailed. Wanted to hold him and never let go. Whatever feelings she had for him returned, overwhelming. This was beyond the love she had for Matthias. This felt like they’d shared something she couldn’t remember.

She finally backed away from him. He was dressed as he’d been that last night at dinner, the same jeans and shirt. Only he didn’t wear his ring.

He smiled and took her right hand. “I’m glad you took it. I don’t need it now.”

What might have been had he lived? Would they have been great friends? Would she have left Matthias for Rafe? Or would she have eventually distanced herself from him because of their feelings for each other? She loved Matthias, heart and soul. What she felt for Rafael was different.

“I can read your thoughts, you know.” He took her into his arms again, smiling, his blue eyes twinkling. “You were good, girl. You have no idea how good you were.” His eyes searched her face and her body responded. “I know you feel bad about what happened, but don’t. You were right. At least I went out with one hell of a bang, baby girl.”

She couldn’t help it, she kissed him. It wasn’t the earth-shattering, passionate kiss they’d shared on the boardwalk. It was like their good-bye kiss at dinner, tender, God-I-missed-you-welcome-back calm.

He kissed her back and eventually pulled away, looked at her, then touched his forehead to hers. “I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m sorry to put you through this.”

She sobbed, clung tightly to him. “I missed you so much.”

He held her as she cried again, letting her get it out of her system, trying to soothe her. Eventually she composed herself but wouldn’t let go. “How long are you staying?”

“As long as you want. Do you want me to go?”

“No!” He was alive! Well, okay, his conscious was alive even if he was now sans flesh-and-blood body. “No, I don’t want you to go.” She stood there for a long time, feeling his arms around her. Under different circumstances…

Hell, he was dead. What other circumstances were there?

“Why didn’t you let me know you were here?”

“You had enough on your plate and I couldn’t figure out how. I didn’t want to add to your burden. I’m sorry for scaring you. I tried to keep quiet, but sometimes I just couldn’t help myself. I know Matts also blames himself for my death. I could feel it.”

She suddenly realized what he was saying. “You read his mind?”

“Only when you’re together and…distracted. The two of you get pretty intense. Never realized the big guy had it in him.”

She shoved him, and he felt perfectly solid. “Pervert! You watch us make love?”

He laughed. “Hey, I’m sorry, but it’s not like you’ve got cable or high-speed Internet or anything in here. I hear and feel your thoughts. At least I’m not actually peeking while you’re doing it.”

“Argh!” She stepped back. “Oh. My. God! You are not serious? Do not tell me you can—”

He nodded. “Well, yeah, there’s only so much a guy can ignore, you know.” He smiled.

“This isn’t happening. This is just. Not. Happening.”

He put his arms around her again. “Yes, Taz, it is. I’m not a figment of your imagination and you’re not losing your mind.”

“Why me? Why not Matthias?”

He looked in her eyes, and she knew there was more than he was letting on. “Because your mind is infinitely stronger, your powers far more reaching than his. I didn’t know if he’d be able to take me. And it happened so fast, it was easier for me to find you because of our connection. I told you, you have no idea how powerful you really are.”

She didn’t want to talk. She kissed him again, and when he tried to pull away, she held on tightly until he gave in.

“We shouldn’t, baby girl,” he whispered.

“Shut up and kiss me, Rafe.”

He did, sliding his hands down her back to her hips and pulling her against him. He looked up for a moment, frowning, then returned his full attention to her. Taz briefly wondered how she could feel him if he was simply a disembodied soul taking up residence in her brain, then decided it didn’t matter when he pulled her shirt up and took her breast into his mouth, teasing her nipple with his tongue and making her moan.

A bed appeared in the room. He picked her up, dropped her on it, and quickly stripped his clothes off.

She closed her eyes and enjoyed every minute of it. There was guilt, but she knew she would deal with that later. Rafe was alive.

Sort of.

She opened her eyes and met his gaze, for a moment thinking his eyes had changed from the distinctive, clear Hawthorne blue to deep sea dark.

He kissed her again and she decided it didn’t matter, closing her eyes and enjoying the feel of his hands on her body.

Even when he entered her, she felt it, as if he was beside her in flesh and bone and blood. When he stroked her with his hand and made her climax, she screamed his name, sobbing, then felt him thrust and come inside her.

After, they lay on the bed, Rafael’s arms protectively curled around her. He laced his fingers through hers and kissed her hand. “I love you, Taz baby. I mean it.”

“I love you, too.” She dozed. When she awoke, Rafael was dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed. He leaned over and kissed her.

“So now what?” she asked.

Rafe released her and stepped toward the door she’d entered. “Go check my laptop. There’s a locked file in the documents folder, called ‘journal.’ The password is Catydid, with a capital C. We’ll talk later. Right here. I promise from now on I’ll put in ear plugs and I won’t peek.” He winked before he opened the door and stepped through, closing it before she could stop him. Then she felt the whole room shake.

She opened her eyes, and Matthias was lying next to her, naked and looking disheveled. She realized she was naked, too, and feeling…well, feeling freshly fucked.

He kissed her. “Did you have a nice nap?”

A dream? Had it all been a dream? Had she really made love to Matthias and just dreamed it was Rafe?

Oh, God—whose name did she scream? Matthias didn’t look upset, maybe that was just in her mind.

“What time is it?” she asked.

“Six. Want to get dinner?”

Six o’clock! She’d been out of it for over two hours! Sleeping. A dream, that was all. She’d dreamed about Rafael. He wasn’t living inside her brain, she’d dreamed the whole thing, and Dame Agnew had simply pulled her leg.

She sighed with relief. “Dinner sounds good.”

Matthias went to start the shower while she lay in bed a moment longer. He felt exhausted, emotionally wrung out. That was the only explanation. For a little while, while making love to Taz, he almost felt like he was watching from outside his body, like a subtle shift in perspective had taken place.

Taz asked the question at dinner. “What happens to them?”

The men exchanged glances. Taz put her fork down. “Tell me.”

Matthias looked at her. “The Tribunal has decided death is the safest option.”

Taz nodded. “When?”

“They must prepare. They want it to be painless.”

Taz’s mind hardened. She strengthened her mental barrier against them and studied her plate. “Tomorrow, right?”

Matthias nodded.

“I want to be there.”

“Taz, I don’t know if that’s such a good—” He stopped when he saw the firm set of her chin. He nodded. “Okay.”